Regular Show 5x16

1. Would you rather... Comb your hair with a hot dog or have feet for hands?

2. Hair with a hot dog or have feet for hands?

3. For hands? feet for hands!

4. feet for hands! Run twice as fast.

5. Feet for hands! Run twice as fast. But how would you

6. Run twice as fast. But how would you play video games?

7. But how would you play video games? Feet for hands!

8. Play video games? Feet for hands! your turn, mordecai.

9. Feet for hands! your turn, mordecai. Would you rather live on a

10. your turn, mordecai. Would you rather live on a houseboat made of garbage or eat

11. Would you rather live on a houseboat made of garbage or eat a sandwich in a portable toilet?

12. Houseboat made of garbage or eat a sandwich in a portable toilet? Portable toilet.

13. A sandwich in a portable toilet? Portable toilet. you'd really do that?

14. Portable toilet. you'd really do that?

15. you'd really do that? over a garbage houseboat,

16. over a garbage houseboat, obviously.

17. Over a garbage houseboat, obviously. It'd smell bad, and then the

18. Obviously. It'd smell bad, and then the water would make it smell more.

19. It'd smell bad, and then the water would make it smell more. And then you've just got a big

20. Water would make it smell more. And then you've just got a big pile of wet garbage.

21. And then you've just got a big pile of wet garbage. so, you're saying you would

22. Pile of wet garbage. so, you're saying you would eat a sandwich in a portable

23. so, you're saying you would eat a sandwich in a portable toilet?

24. Eat a sandwich in a portable toilet? Yes.

25. Toilet? Yes. huh.

26. Yes. huh. Just so happens I've got my

27. huh. Just so happens I've got my sandwich right here.

28. Just so happens I've got my sandwich right here.

29. Sandwich right here. and what's that over there?

30. and what's that over there? Oh, time to put your

31. And what's that over there? Oh, time to put your sandwich where your mouth is!

32. Oh, time to put your sandwich where your mouth is! You can't be

33. Sandwich where your mouth is! You can't be serious.

34. You can't be serious. what a coincidence.

35. Serious. what a coincidence. My sandwicis chicken, too.

36. what a coincidence. My sandwicis chicken, too. Ohhhhhhh!

37. My sandwicis chicken, too. Ohhhhhhh! She's got you there,

38. Ohhhhhhh! She's got you there, mordecai.

39. She's got you there, mordecai. Are you daring me?

40. Mordecai. Are you daring me? 'cause if you're gonna dare me,

41. Are you daring me? 'cause if you're gonna dare me, just dare me.

42. 'cause if you're gonna dare me, just dare me. all right. I dare you.

43. Just dare me. all right. I dare you. Oh.

44. all right. I dare you. Oh. So we're just changing games

45. Oh. So we're just changing games now.

46. So we're just changing games now. Fine, then.

47. Now. Fine, then. wait!

48. Fine, then. wait! How will we know if you actually

49. wait! How will we know if you actually do it?

50. How will we know if you actually do it? Right.

51. Do it? Right. It's not a legitimate dare

52. Right. It's not a legitimate dare without a credible witness.

53. It's not a legitimate dare without a credible witness. Fine.

54. Without a credible witness. Fine. I'll be the incredible witness.

55. Fine. I'll be the incredible witness. So, were you planning

56. I'll be the incredible witness. So, were you planning that the whole time, or...

57. So, were you planning that the whole time, or... nah.

58. That the whole time, or... nah. It was more of an impulse.

59. Huh. I got to say, this is pretty classy.

60. I got to say, this is pretty classy. I guess if I needed to

61. Classy. I guess if I needed to go outside, I'd do it here.

62. I guess if I needed to go outside, I'd do it here. So, you're really going through

63. Go outside, I'd do it here. So, you're really going through with this?

64. So, you're really going through with this? I can just vouch for you, you

65. With this? I can just vouch for you, you know.

66. I can just vouch for you, you know. It's not big deal.

67. Know. It's not big deal. I'm a man of my

68. It's not big deal. I'm a man of my word.

69. I'm a man of my word. So, c.J. And eileen seem to be

70. Word. So, c.J. And eileen seem to be getting along.

71. So, c.J. And eileen seem to be getting along. Yeah, I guess.

72. Getting along. Yeah, I guess. "boy, we have

73. Yeah, I guess. "boy, we have so much in common.

74. "boy, we have so much in common. Would you rather awkwardly kiss

75. So much in common. Would you rather awkwardly kiss mordecai on new year's eve or

76. Would you rather awkwardly kiss mordecai on new year's eve or dare him to eat a sandwich in a

77. Mordecai on new year's eve or dare him to eat a sandwich in a portable toilet?

78. Dare him to eat a sandwich in a portable toilet? Oh, wow! Both?"

79. Portable toilet? Oh, wow! Both?" oh.

80. Oh, wow! Both?" oh. You're done.

81. You're done. easy-peasy, no big deasy!

82. Great. Let's get out of here.

83. Great. Let's get out of here.

84. Let's get out of here. it's stuck.

85. it's stuck. Dude, that's not

86. It's stuck. Dude, that's not funny.

87. Dude, that's not funny. Why would I joke about

88. Funny. Why would I joke about this?

89. Why would I joke about this? You know how I am with small

90. This? You know how I am with small spaces!

91. You know how I am with small spaces!

92. Spaces! Come on, dude.

93. Come on, dude. Try and calm down.

94. Come on, dude. Try and calm down. Okay. I'm trying.

95. Try and calm down. Okay. I'm trying. Calm.

96. Okay. I'm trying. Calm. Good.

97. Calm. Good. C.J. And eileen are right out

98. Good. C.J. And eileen are right out there.

99. C.J. And eileen are right out there. They'll come and get us any

100. There. They'll come and get us any minute, right?

101. They'll come and get us any minute, right? Uh, rigby?

102. Minute, right? Uh, rigby? Rigby?

103. Uh, rigby? Rigby? We're gonna starve

104. Rigby? We're gonna starve before they find us!

105. We're gonna starve before they find us! Why'd you eat the whole

106. Before they find us! Why'd you eat the whole sandwich?

107. Why'd you eat the whole sandwich? You should have saved some just

108. Sandwich? You should have saved some just in case!

109. You should have saved some just in case! Dude, that makes no

110. In case! Dude, that makes no sense!

111. Dude, that makes no sense! You makes no sense!

112. Sense! You makes no sense!

113. You makes no sense! help!

114. help! I'm trapped in here with a crazy

115. Help! I'm trapped in here with a crazy person!

116. I'm trapped in here with a crazy person!

117. Person! I think the character

118. I think the character I love to hate the most is

119. I think the character I love to hate the most is king harry.

120. I love to hate the most is king harry. He's such a pill.

121. King harry. He's such a pill.

122. He's such a pill. huh?

123. huh?

124. hey, guys, how's it going in

125. hey, guys, how's it going in there?

126. hey, guys, how's it going in there? Well, things are

127. There? Well, things are going fine.

128. Well, things are going fine. The sandwich is done.

129. Going fine. The sandwich is done. But, uh, now it's kind of...

130. The sandwich is done. But, uh, now it's kind of... The door is stuck!

131. But, uh, now it's kind of... The door is stuck! Get us out of here!

132. The door is stuck! Get us out of here! oh, that's terrible.

133. Get us out of here! oh, that's terrible.

134. oh, that's terrible. do you need some — oh, what

135. do you need some — oh, what is the word I'm looking for?

136. Do you need some — oh, what is the word I'm looking for? It's on the tip of my

137. Is the word I'm looking for? It's on the tip of my tongue.

138. It's on the tip of my tongue. "help"?

139. Tongue. "help"? oh, yeah.

140. "help"? oh, yeah. Help or something?

141. oh, yeah. Help or something? Yes!

142. Help or something? Yes! Could you please help us?

143. Yes! Could you please help us? I guess we could try.

144. Could you please help us? I guess we could try.

145. I guess we could try. oh. It really is stuck.

146. Oh. It really is stuck. I knew I should have

147. I knew I should have brought my keysmith multi-tool

148. I knew I should have brought my keysmith multi-tool today.

149. Brought my keysmith multi-tool today. Never doubt your gut, eileen.

150. Today. Never doubt your gut, eileen. There's some tools

151. Never doubt your gut, eileen. There's some tools in the garage.

152. There's some tools in the garage. all right. Hold tight.

153. In the garage. all right. Hold tight. Don't run out of oxygen in

154. all right. Hold tight. Don't run out of oxygen in there.

155. Don't run out of oxygen in there.

156. There. I get that you're joking, but

157. I get that you're joking, but actually, portable toilets are

158. Actually, portable toilets are quite well-ventilated.

159. Quite well-ventilated. This thing is

160. This thing is brand-new.

161. Brand-new. How did the handle get stuck

162. How did the handle get stuck like — wha—

163. Like — wha— oh! What is this stuff?

164. Wha— oh! What is this stuff? That's meatball gravy.

165. Oh! What is this stuff? That's meatball gravy. How did meatball

166. That's meatball gravy. How did meatball gravy get on the doorknob,

167. How did meatball gravy get on the doorknob, rigby?

168. Gravy get on the doorknob, rigby? I was eating

169. Rigby? I was eating meatballs!

170. I was eating meatballs! You're not supposed

171. Meatballs! You're not supposed to eat meatballs with your

172. You're not supposed to eat meatballs with your hands, dude.

173. To eat meatballs with your hands, dude. Hands are nature's

174. Hands, dude. Hands are nature's forks!

175. Hands are nature's forks!

176. Forks! try the window or something.

177. try the window or something.

178. Try the window or something. I can't even get my fingers

179. I can't even get my fingers through the holes.

180. I can't even get my fingers through the holes. They're like tiny prison bars.

181. Through the holes. They're like tiny prison bars. All right.

182. They're like tiny prison bars. All right. Option 2 — let's ram the door.

183. All right. Option 2 — let's ram the door.

184. unh!

185. unh!

186. muscle man: So, what are you doing tonight? hi five: I got to house-sit

187. Doing tonight? hi five: I got to house-sit my cousin's dog.

188. hi five: I got to house-sit my cousin's dog. What about you?

189. My cousin's dog. What about you? muscle man: That on-target

190. What about you? muscle man: That on-target 1.2 combination model's been

191. muscle man: That on-target 1.2 combination model's been singing my name all week.

192. 1.2 combination model's been singing my name all week. hi five: Oh.

193. Singing my name all week. hi five: Oh. They finally installed that new

194. hi five: Oh. They finally installed that new outhouse?

195. They finally installed that new outhouse? muscle man: Show some

196. Outhouse? muscle man: Show some respect, bro.

197. muscle man: Show some respect, bro. It's called a portable toilet.

198. Respect, bro. It's called a portable toilet. hi five: Okay.

199. It's called a portable toilet. hi five: Okay. Well, that sounds like fun.

200. hi five: Okay. Well, that sounds like fun. Have a good weekend.

201. Well, that sounds like fun. Have a good weekend. muscle man: Oh, I will, bro.

202. Have a good weekend. muscle man: Oh, I will, bro. I will.

203. muscle man: Oh, I will, bro. I will. I'm yours now, baby.

204. I will. I'm yours now, baby. What?

205. I'm yours now, baby. What? No! This is not okay.

206. What? No! This is not okay.

207. No! This is not okay. yeah. It's muscle man.

208. yeah. It's muscle man. We got a code 67 over here.

209. Make sure she gets a good home! she will! Decommissioned units get sent to

210. she will! Decommissioned units get sent to the military for target

211. Decommissioned units get sent to the military for target practice.

212. The military for target practice. muscle man: That's so

213. Practice. muscle man: That's so honorable!

214. All right. First, we'll test the —

215. First, we'll test the — muscle man: Eileen!

216. muscle man: Eileen! Uh... Second girl.

217. muscle man: Eileen! Uh... Second girl. This is not awkward.

218. Uh... Second girl. This is not awkward. Okay...

219. This is not awkward. Okay... muscle man: I said it's not

220. Okay... muscle man: I said it's not awkward!

221. muscle man: I said it's not awkward!

222. Awkward! listen, ladies, I know this

223. listen, ladies, I know this model was voted throne of the

224. Listen, ladies, I know this model was voted throne of the year by flush twice quarterly,

225. Model was voted throne of the year by flush twice quarterly, but you're gonna have to wait

226. Year by flush twice quarterly, but you're gonna have to wait your turn.

227. But you're gonna have to wait your turn. mordecai and rigby were

228. Your turn. mordecai and rigby were locked in here.

229. mordecai and rigby were locked in here. Do you know where they went?

230. Locked in here. Do you know where they went? muscle man:

231. Do you know where they went? muscle man: oh.

232. muscle man: oh. Uh...

233. Oh. Uh... Okay. Yep.

234. Uh... Okay. Yep. Well... This is awkward.

235. Okay. Yep. Well... This is awkward.

236. Well... This is awkward. hello?

237. hello? where are you guys?

238. hello? where are you guys? Let me check.

239. where are you guys? Let me check.

240. Let me check. try and sit tight.

241. try and sit tight. Muscle man is dealing with it.

242. try and sit tight. Muscle man is dealing with it. He says he knows a guy.

243. Muscle man is dealing with it. He says he knows a guy. muscle man: weak.

244. He says he knows a guy. muscle man: weak. I got the automated system.

245. muscle man: weak. I got the automated system. for toilet replacement, prs

246. I got the automated system. for toilet replacement, prs "1."

247. for toilet replacement, prs "1." muscle man: No!

248. "1." muscle man: No! Undo replacement.

249. muscle man: No! Undo replacement. you have selected toilet

250. Undo replacement. you have selected toilet replacement.

251. you have selected toilet replacement. muscle man: No!

252. Replacement. muscle man: No! this is your second

253. muscle man: No! this is your second replacement today.

254. this is your second replacement today. muscle man: Put me through to

255. Replacement today. muscle man: Put me through to the military!

256. muscle man: Put me through to the military! thank you for calling

257. The military! thank you for calling on-target.

258. thank you for calling on-target. Goodbye.

259. On-target. Goodbye.

260. Goodbye. muscle man: Aaaaaaaaah!

261. muscle man: Aaaaaaaaah! it didn't work.

262. it didn't work. where are you now?

263. It didn't work. where are you now? Uh...

264. where are you now? Uh... Uh...

265. Uh... Uh... It looks like the moon — a

266. Uh... It looks like the moon — a horrifying moon of death!

267. It looks like the moon — a horrifying moon of death! Do you know where that is?

268. Horrifying moon of death! Do you know where that is? what?

269. Do you know where that is? what? Hold on a second.

270. what? Hold on a second.

271. Hold on a second. Huh? Wha?

272. Huh? Wha? What's happening?

273. Huh? Wha? What's happening? Whoa!

274. What's happening? Whoa! Aaah!

275. Whoa! Aaah! Whoa!

276. Aaah! Whoa! are you guys all right?

277. Whoa! are you guys all right? I think we're

278. are you guys all right? I think we're landing.

279. I think we're landing. It looks like...

280. Landing. It looks like... A state fair.

281. It looks like... A state fair. What?

282. A state fair. What? No, dude! It's a military base!

283. What? No, dude! It's a military base! How should I know?

284. No, dude! It's a military base! How should I know? I've never been to a military

285. How should I know? I've never been to a military base.

286. I've never been to a military base. You've never been

287. Base. You've never been to a state fair, either.

288. You've never been to a state fair, either. muscle man: Uh-oh.

289. To a state fair, either. muscle man: Uh-oh. Okay, ladies.

290. muscle man: Uh-oh. Okay, ladies. Now, don't go wacko on me, but

291. Okay, ladies. Now, don't go wacko on me, but sometimes, the military uses

292. Now, don't go wacko on me, but sometimes, the military uses decommissioned toilets for

293. Sometimes, the military uses decommissioned toilets for target practice.

294. Decommissioned toilets for target practice. What?

295. mm-hmm. Hmm. yes. mm.

296. yes. mm. Hmm.

297. mm. Hmm. agreed.

298. Hmm. agreed. Will do, sir.

299. agreed. Will do, sir. Begin test phase of the

300. Will do, sir. Begin test phase of the f-29 disintegrator laser system.

301. Begin test phase of the f-29 disintegrator laser system. permission to speak freely,

302. F-29 disintegrator laser system. permission to speak freely, sir?

303. permission to speak freely, sir? no.

304. Sir? no. permission to speak freely,

305. no. permission to speak freely, sir?

306. permission to speak freely, sir? granted.

307. Sir? granted. sir, why do we test the

308. granted. sir, why do we test the satellite laser on portable

309. sir, why do we test the satellite laser on portable toilets, sir?

310. Satellite laser on portable toilets, sir? why do we test on portable

311. Toilets, sir? why do we test on portable toilets?

312. why do we test on portable toilets? We need to be able to stop the

313. Toilets? We need to be able to stop the enemies at a moment's notice.

314. We need to be able to stop the enemies at a moment's notice. Enemies and portable toilets

315. Enemies at a moment's notice. Enemies and portable toilets have two things in common —

316. Enemies and portable toilets have two things in common — they're both soulless and

317. Have two things in common — they're both soulless and they're about the same size.

318. They're both soulless and they're about the same size. can never be too safe, sir.

319. They're about the same size. can never be too safe, sir. you better believe it.

320. can never be too safe, sir. you better believe it. Now, I do not feel like being

321. you better believe it. Now, I do not feel like being intimidated today, so let's put

322. Now, I do not feel like being intimidated today, so let's put some taxpayer money to good use.

323. Intimidated today, so let's put some taxpayer money to good use. Begin laser sequence!

324. Some taxpayer money to good use. Begin laser sequence!

325. 3... 2... 1. Let's drop a laser-guided number 2 on this turd bucket.

326. Let's drop a laser-guided number 2 on this turd bucket.

327. Hurry up and help us! You guys got to

328. Hurry up and help us! You guys got to come quick!

329. You guys got to come quick! We're gonna die out —

330. Come quick! We're gonna die out —

331. We're gonna die out — we lost them!

332. I'll try and flag them down!

333. what's wrong?

334. what's wrong? My signals aren't

335. what's wrong? My signals aren't working!

336. My signals aren't working! no!

337. Working! no! Now what do we do?

338. no! Now what do we do? This is terrible!

339. Now what do we do? This is terrible! Try and keep calm.

340. This is terrible! Try and keep calm. keep calm?

341. Try and keep calm. keep calm? Finally things stop being weird

342. keep calm? Finally things stop being weird with mordecai, and now he's

343. Finally things stop being weird with mordecai, and now he's gonna get killed, and it's all

344. With mordecai, and now he's gonna get killed, and it's all because of some stupid dare

345. Gonna get killed, and it's all because of some stupid dare which wasn't even clever.

346. Because of some stupid dare which wasn't even clever. C.J.!

347. Which wasn't even clever. C.J.!

348. C.J.! do you trust me?

349. do you trust me? yeah.

350. Do you trust me? yeah. Would you rather let

351. yeah. Would you rather let mordecai and rigby get killed or

352. Would you rather let mordecai and rigby get killed or jump into that portable toilet

353. Mordecai and rigby get killed or jump into that portable toilet and rescue them?

354. Jump into that portable toilet and rescue them?

355. And rescue them? that's easy.

356. I've been trying to open this for so long, I can't feel my arms.

357. Open this for so long, I can't feel my arms. thank you,

358. Feel my arms. thank you, mordecai!

359. thank you, mordecai! Hey, you didn't

360. Mordecai! Hey, you didn't have to close the door.

361. Hey, you didn't have to close the door. Don't put this on me,

362. Have to close the door. Don't put this on me, man!

363. Don't put this on me, man! I'm not the one who flirts by

364. Man! I'm not the one who flirts by taking toilet dares!

365. I'm not the one who flirts by taking toilet dares! Quiet!

366. Taking toilet dares! Quiet!

367. continue testing. oh, no.

368. continue testing. oh, no. Uh, permission to speak freely,

369. oh, no. Uh, permission to speak freely, sir?

370. Uh, permission to speak freely, sir? no.

371. Sir? no. permission to speak freely,

372. no. permission to speak freely, sir?

373. permission to speak freely, sir? granted.

374. Sir? granted. didn't the president say to

375. granted. didn't the president say to limit testing because each blast

376. didn't the president say to limit testing because each blast costs $3 billion?

377. Limit testing because each blast costs $3 billion? the president's not my

378. Costs $3 billion? the president's not my father!

379. the president's not my father! I'll blow up as many toilets as

380. Father! I'll blow up as many toilets as I like!

381. I'll blow up as many toilets as I like! Now continue testing!

382. I like! Now continue testing!

383. Now continue testing! how much time do we have?

384. how much time do we have? Uh... None!

385. how much time do we have? Uh... None! they got to be here

386. Uh... None! they got to be here somewhere.

387. they got to be here somewhere. Come on!

388. Somewhere. Come on! We need to split up.

389. Come on! We need to split up. mordecai! Rigby!

390. oh! Thanks, lady!

391. Any luck? no. We're right here!

392. no. We're right here!

393. We're right here!

394. it's still stuck!

395. it's still stuck! get the tools.

396. It's still stuck! get the tools. initiate humongous explosion

397. get the tools. initiate humongous explosion cycle.

398. initiate humongous explosion cycle.

399. We have to do it together! on my mark.

400. Together! on my mark. 3... 2... 1...

401. on my mark. 3... 2... 1... Run!

402. what were you kids thinking? You're lucky we saw your heat signatures so we could

403. You're lucky we saw your heat signatures so we could distinguish you from the debris.

404. Signatures so we could distinguish you from the debris. sir, the president's on the

405. Distinguish you from the debris. sir, the president's on the line.

406. sir, the president's on the line.

407. Line. hello?

408. hello? Thanks for getting

409. Hello? Thanks for getting us out of there, guys.

410. Thanks for getting us out of there, guys. couldn't have done it without

411. Us out of there, guys. couldn't have done it without you.

412. couldn't have done it without you. Yeah.

413. You. Yeah. You guys were hitting that door

414. Yeah. You guys were hitting that door pretty hard.

415. You guys were hitting that door pretty hard. C.J. Jumped into a moving

416. Pretty hard. C.J. Jumped into a moving helicopter.

417. C.J. Jumped into a moving helicopter. Wow. Really?

418. Helicopter. Wow. Really? well, you know, more like a

419. Wow. Really? well, you know, more like a portable toilet being carried by

420. well, you know, more like a portable toilet being carried by a helicopter.

421. Portable toilet being carried by a helicopter. Ain't no biggie.

422. A helicopter. Ain't no biggie. we'rnot the ones getting

423. Ain't no biggie. we'rnot the ones getting stuck in portable toilets.

424. we'rnot the ones getting stuck in portable toilets.

425. Stuck in portable toilets. whatever.

426. whatever. It was your bet.

427. Whatever. It was your bet. hey, eileen, would you rather

428. It was your bet. hey, eileen, would you rather sit here and be boring or go

429. hey, eileen, would you rather sit here and be boring or go play with that space laser?

430. Sit here and be boring or go play with that space laser? Space laser!

431. Play with that space laser? Space laser! hey, could we try this thing

432. Space laser! hey, could we try this thing out?

433. hey, could we try this thing out? well, I don't see why not.

434. Out? well, I don't see why not. Wow.

435. well, I don't see why not. Wow. C.J.'s pretty cool.

436. Wow. C.J.'s pretty cool.

437. C.J.'s pretty cool. yeah. She is.

438. yeah. She is.