Recess 1x12

Directed by Chuck Sheetz

Erik von Detten as Erwin Lawson (voice) • Ryan O'Donohue as Randall Weems / Digger Dave (voice) • Allyce Beasley as Miss Alordayne Grotkey (voice) • Lane Toran as King Bob (voice) • Anndi McAfee as Ashley 'Ashley A' Armbruster (voice)

The kids stage an elaborate funeral for the 4th grade class's beloved hamster, wherein they learn about how many lives the hamster has touched.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. YAY!

2. WAAH!

3. UHH!

4. AAH!

5. THIS IS THE ARKANSAS STANDARD ACHIEVEMENT TEST,

6. THE MOST POWERFUL ACHIEVEMENT TEST IN THE WORLD,

7. SO POWERFUL I RECKON IT CAN BLOW YOUR MINDS CLEAN AWAY.

8. NOW THE QUESTION IS...

9. DO YOU FEEL LUCKY? WELL, DO YOU, PUNKS?

10. THE OLD LADY'S BEEN WATCHING

11. TOO MANY CLINT EASTWOOD MOVIES AGAIN.

12. WHAT MISS FINSTER'S TRYING TO SAY IS

13. EVERY YEAR WE GIVE THE FOURTH GRADERS

14. THIS STANDARDIZED TEST.

15. YOU GET 45 MINUTES. IT'S NOT FOR A GRADE,

16. SO THERE'S NOTHING TO BE AFRAID OF.

17. YOU'RE A WIMP, YOU KNOW THAT, GROTKEY?

18. READY? BEGIN.

19. I CAN'T GET ANY OF THE ANSWERS.

20. FORGET ABOUT THE ANSWERS. I CAN'T GET THE QUESTIONS.

21. WELL, GROTKEY, MIGHT AS WELL TAKE A LOAD OFF.

22. THIS IS GOING TO BE ONE LONG 45 MINUTES. LATTé?

23. EXCUSE ME, MS. GROTKEY.

24. NO QUESTIONS ALLOWED.

25. BUT, MS. GROTKEY, I'M DONE.

26. BUT, GRETCHEN, IT HASN'T EVEN BEEN FIVE MINUTES.

27. UH...

28. SORRY.

29. MAN, WHAT WERE THEY TRYING TO DO TO US?

30. FIRST THEY MAKE US READ SOME DUMB STORY,

31. THEN THEY ASK US THE CAPITAL OF MONTANA.

32. IF I EVER GET MY HANDS ON THE GUY WHO CAME UP

33. WITH THAT STUPID TEST, I'LL KICK HIS BUTT ALL...

34. HELENA.

35. THE CAPITAL OF MONTANA, IT'S HELENA.

36. YOU KNEW THAT ONE?

37. OF COURSE.

38. GRETCHEN KNEW EVERY QUESTION.

39. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT EVERY QUESTION, BUT I DID WELL.

40. YEAH, YOU PROBABLY DID.

41. THAT'S WHAT STINKY PETERSON THOUGHT, TOO.

42. STINKY PETERSON?

43. I DIDN'T EVEN CONSIDER THAT POSSIBILITY.

44. HEY, DON'T SCARE HER.

45. THIS IS NOTHING LIKE STINKY PETERSON.

46. WHO'S STINKY PETERSON?

47. WELL, STINKY PETERSON

48. WAS THIS REALLY SMART KID, JUST LIKE GRETCHEN.

49. HE BURNED THROUGH HIS TEST SO FAST,

50. EVERYBODY WAS SURE HE ACED IT,

51. BUT THEN TWO DAYS LATER,

52. SOMETHING REALLY WEIRD HAPPENED.

53. RIGHT WHEN MS. GROTKEY

54. WAS ABOUT TO CALL STINKY'S NAME AT ROLL CALL,

55. MS. LEMON SHOWED UP.

56. SHE TOOK HIM TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE,

57. AND THEY NEVER SAW STINKY PETERSON AGAIN.

58. WOW.

59. SOME KIDS SAY STINKY DID SO POORLY ON HIS TEST,

60. THEY SENT HIM ALL THE WAY BACK TO KINDERGARTEN.

61. THAT CAN NEVER HAPPEN TO YOU.

62. YOU'RE WAY TOO SMART.

63. SURE. YOU ACED THAT TEST NO PROBLEM.

64. EVEN IF YOU DIDN'T,

65. FINGER PAINTING'S FUN AND YOU GET LOTS OF NAPS.

66. HERE. RALPH EGGLESTON?

67. HERE. CARLA FONG?

68. GRETCHEN GRUN...

69. AH, MS. LEMON, COME IN.

70. PRICKLY SENT ME DOWN HERE TO GET...

71. YOUR ATTENDANCE SHEET... AND HER!

72. COME ON. COME ON. I DON'T GOT ALL DAY.

73. I SUPPOSE YOU KNOW WHY I BROUGHT YOU HERE.

74. IT'S THE TEST, ISN'T IT? LET ME TAKE IT AGAIN.

75. JUST PLEASE DON'T SEND ME BACK TO KINDERGARTEN.

76. HUH? YOU'RE NOT GOING BACK TO KINDERGARTEN.

77. YOU MEAN I PASSED?

78. PASSED? YOU GOT A PERFECT SCORE.

79. WE HAVEN'T SEEN SCORES LIKE YOURS

80. SINCE STINKY PETERSON.

81. OH, WELL, THAT'S DIFFERENT THEN.

82. YOU'RE A GENIUS, A PRODIGY.

83. IN FACT, YOU'RE MY PRODIGY,

84. WHICH MEANS, GRETCH, YOU'RE GOING TO OPPENHEIMER.

85. OPPENHEIMER ELEMENTARY FOR THE EXTREMELY GIFTED?

86. YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE IT. YOU'LL GET TONS OF HOMEWORK,

87. REALLY BIG BOOKS WITH TEENY, TINY PRINT.

88. I'M FLATTERED, PRINCIPAL PRICKLY,

89. BUT THAT'S REALLY NOT POSSIBLE.

90. I CAN'T LEAVE MY FRIENDS.

91. YOU'LL MAKE NEW FRIENDS.

92. THEY'LL BE EGGHEADS LIKE YOU.

93. ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS PASS THE REVIEW BOARD,

94. AND YOU'RE HOME FREE.

95. RATTLE OFF SOME NUMBERS, ANSWER A FEW QUESTIONS,

96. AND YOU'RE ON YOUR WAY TO OPPENHEIMER.

97. GET OUT THERE AND STUDY, STUDY, STUDY.

98. ONE MORE STUDENT AT OPPENHEIMER

99. AND THAT MIDDLE SCHOOL PRINCIPAL JOB IS MINE.

100. NO!

101. THEY CAN'T DO THIS TO YOU.

102. TELL YOUR MOM AND DAD.

103. I CALLED MY MOM

104. AS SOON AS I LEFT THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE.

105. SHE'S BEEN DOING BACK FLIPS EVER SINCE.

106. THERE'S GOT TO BE SOMETHING WE CAN DO.

107. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE ALL GOING TO SAY,

108. AND I WANT TO THANK YOU IN ADVANCE,

109. BUT IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I JUST NEED SOME TIME ALONE.

110. GOODBYE, SWING SET.

111. GOODBYE, GRAFFITI.

112. GOODBYE, RANCID FISH STICKS.

113. HOW I'LL MISS THEE.

114. GRETCHEN!

115. WE KNOW HOW TO KEEP YOU FROM GOING TO THAT OTHER SCHOOL.

116. MIKEY THOUGHT OF IT.

117. IT CAME TO ME LIKE LIGHTNING.

118. READY? WHAT IF YOU WERE DUMB?

119. I'M SORRY, T.J., BUT FOR ONCE, I'M REALLY NOT FOLLOWING YOU.

120. THERE'S THAT PANEL REVIEW, RIGHT?

121. WHAT IF WHEN YOU SHOWED UP,

122. YOU DIDN'T ACT LIKE THE SMART KID YOU ARE,

123. YOU ACTED LIKE THE DUMB KID YOU AREN'T?

124. I'VE BEEN TRYING TO DUMB MYSELF DOWN SINCE KINDERGARTEN.

125. IT HASN'T WORKED SO FAR.

126. BUT THIS TIME YOU GOT EXPERTS ON YOUR SIDE.

127. WHAT HAVE I GOT TO LOSE?

128. HOW MANY MILES TO THE SUN?

129. 92,000,900,000.

130. GRETCHEN!

131. THAT WAS RIGHT.

132. OOPS.

133. WHAT WE'RE TRYING TO DO

134. IS MAKE GRETCHEN LOOK LIKE A REGULAR DUMB KID.

135. ANY IDEAS, ASHLEY B.?

136. I DON'T KNOW. WHAT DO YOU THINK, ASHLEY Q.?

137. LIKE, I DON'T KNOW. ANY IDEAS, ASHLEY T.?

138. I HAVE AN IDEA.

139. IT'S NOT QUITE THE LOOK WE'RE GOING FOR.

140. COLUMBUS' SHIPS WERE...

141. THE NIÑA, PINTA, AND SANTA MARIA.

142. PLANTS GET ENERGY BY...

143. PHOTOSYNTHESIS.

144. OH.

145. WHAT IS THE CAPITAL OF MONTANA?

146. HEL... NEW YORK CITY?

147. WHAT WAS THAT?

148. NEW YORK CITY.

149. AGAIN.

150. NEW YORK CITY.

151. I THINK SHE'S GOT IT.

152. GRETCHEN?

153. YOU CAN FAIL, GRETCHEN! I KNOW YOU CAN.

154. AH, HERE'S MY LITTLE GENIUS NOW.

155. WHAT THE... GRETCHEN?

156. YO, PRICKLY.

157. THIS IS

158. YOUR OPPENHEIMER CANDIDATE?

159. SHE DOESN'T USUALLY DRESS THIS WAY.

160. IT'S JUST FOR LUCK.

161. SILENCE, PLEASE.

162. YES, OF COURSE, NO MORE TALKING.

163. ARE YOU READY, MS. GRUNDLER?

164. WHATEVER, DUDE.

165. WHAT IS THE PYTHAGOREAN THEOREM?

166. A RACEHORSE?

167. AHEM.

168. WHO IS THE FATHER OF MODERN MEDICINE?

169. DR. SEUSS?

170. WHEN WAS THE THIRD ICE AGE?

171. RIGHT AFTER THE FIRST AND SECOND?

172. HA HA HA.

173. SHE'S 3 FOR 3.

174. WHO WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO REACH THE NORTH POLE?

175. SANTA CLAUS.

176. WHO WAS THE 14th PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES?

177. DENNIS RODMAN.

178. WHAT'S 2 PLUS 2?

179. 30?

180. IS THIS A JOKE?

181. IT'S NOT MY FAULT.

182. SHE MUST HAVE CHEATED ON THAT TEST.

183. I'LL SEE TO YOUR IMMEDIATE SUSPENSION...

184. THE SQUARE OF THE LENGTH OF THE HYPOTENUSE

185. OF A RIGHT TRIANGLE EQUALS THE SUM OF THE SQUARED LENGTHS

186. OF THE OTHER TWO SIDES...

187. WHAT'S SHE DOING?

188. SHE'S ANSWERING ALL THE QUESTIONS.

189. WITH INCREDIBLE ACCURACY.

190. IN PRECISE ORDER.

191. ROBERT EDWARD PARRY, APRIL 6, 1909,

192. FRANKLIN PIERCE, 4.

193. SHE'S BRILLIANT.

194. SHE'S MAGNIFICENT.

195. SHE'S DOOMED.

196. MY DEAR,

197. WHY IN HEAVENS WERE YOU HIDING YOUR GENIUS?

198. BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO GO TO OPPENHEIMER. DON'T MAKE ME.

199. SHE'S A GENIUS. SHIP HER OUT.

200. PRINCIPAL PRICKLY,

201. COULD YOU LEAVE US ALONE FOR A MINUTE? NOW.

202. WHAT ARE YOU KIDS DOING HERE?

203. WELL?

204. IT'S ALL SETTLED.

205. SHE'S GOING TO OPPENHEIMER?

206. NOPE, I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE.

207. YAY!

208. SHE PUT FORTH HER CASE MOST ELOQUENTLY

209. AND PERSUADED US THERE IS MORE TO EDUCATION

210. THAN WHAT ONE LEARNS FROM BOOKS.

211. WHAT ABOUT MY PROMOTION? I MEAN, GRETCHEN'S FUTURE.

212. A MIND IS A TERRIBLE THING TO WASTE.

213. WHICH BRINGS US TO OUR NEXT POINT...

214. HAVE YOU CONSIDERED STARTING A TUTORIAL PROGRAM?

215. YOU'VE GOT AN EXCELLENT RESOURCE IN MS. GRUNDLER.

216. HMM. A TUTORIAL PROGRAM.

217. THAT'S THE KIND OF FORWARD THINKING

218. THE SUPERINTENDENT IS ALWAYS LOOKING FOR

219. IN HIS MIDDLE SCHOOL PRINCIPALS. KIDS TEACHING KIDS... I LOVE IT.

220. WELL, THAT'S NOT EXACTLY WHAT WE HAD IN MIND.

221. THANKS TO THIS STUDY BUDDY PROGRAM,

222. WE'RE NEVER GOING TO HAVE TO WORRY

223. ABOUT GRETCHEN LEAVING AGAIN.

224. PLFFT!

225. AH.

226. YOU DID YOUR BEST. THAT'S ALL WE COULD ASK.

227. MAN, HE SURE IS CUTE.

228. CUTE BUT FAST. LOOK HOW QUICK HE RUNS

229. WHEN I SQUEAK HIS RUBBER CARROT.

230. GO, SPEEDY, GO!

231. WATER BREAK. DISTILLED WATER FROM MR. GERMAINE'S LAB.

232. AND LET'S NOT FORGET HIS FRIDAY TREAT...

233. VITAMIN-FORTIFIED HAMSTER CROUTONS.

234. GARLIC-FLAVORED ARE HIS FAVORITE.

235. HEY, SLOW DOWN, SPEEDY.

236. YOU'VE GOT TO PACE YOURSELF,

237. OR THEY WON'T LAST THE WEEKEND.

238. OKAY, PEOPLE. HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND.

239. REMEMBER, MONDAY IS POSITIVE ENERGY DAY.

240. BYE, SPEEDY.

241. SIXTH GRADE'S GOT THE GARTER SNAKE,

242. FIFTH GRADE'S GOT THE HORNY TOAD,

243. BUT WE GOT SPEEDY.

244. WOULD YOU GUYS HURRY UP?

245. WE GOT SOME MAJOR PLAYING TO DO.

246. TAKE IT EASY, BIG GUY.

247. GOOD MORNING, PEOPLE.

248. GOOD MORNING, MISS GROTKE.

249. RISE AND SHINE, SPEEDY. IT'S MONDAY.

250. SPEEDY?

251. HEY, SPEEDY, WAKE UP!

252. WHAT'S WRONG, MIKEY?

253. SPEEDY'S JUST LYING THERE.

254. PERHAPS HE'S SICK.

255. NAH, HE'S JUST TIRED, THAT'S ALL.

256. HE HAD A BIG WEEKEND,

257. SITTING AROUND, SLEEPING, EATING CROUTONS.

258. BUT, T.J., HE DIDN'T EAT HIS CROUTONS.

259. DON'T PANIC, PEOPLE. I'M SURE SPEEDY'S FINE.

260. HE'S PROBABLY IN SOME SORT OF HAMSTER HIBERNATION.

261. BUT, MRS. GROTKE, HAMSTERS DON'T HIBERNATE.

262. OH, WELL, THEN, UM,

263. PERHAPS HE'S MEDITATING.

264. MEDITATION IS A GREAT WAY TO START YOUR DAY.

265. OH, NO! SPEEDY'S NOT MEDITATING.

266. HE'S... HE'S...

267. SPEEDY'S DEAD!

268. TWO OUT, NOBODY ON. PLAY'S TO FIRST.

269. HEY, AM I THE ONLY ONE PLAYING HERE?

270. SORRY, SPINELLI.

271. I CAN'T KEEP MY MIND OFF SPEEDY.

272. I KEEP THINKING ABOUT HOW HE USED TO RUN ALL DAY.

273. HE USED TO TICKLE MY FACE WITH HIS WHISKERS.

274. HE USED TO ZIP THROUGH MY MAZE WITHOUT GETTING LOST.

275. I KEPT TRYING TO TELL MYSELF HE WAS JUST A HUNK OF DNA,

276. BUT WHO AM I KIDDING? SPEEDY WAS SPECIAL.

277. HE WAS A HAMSTER. GO TO THE PET STORE.

278. THEY GOT A MILLION OF THEM. THEY'RE ALL THE SAME.

279. MAYBE TO YOU, SPINELLI, BUT TO ME HE WAS SPECIAL.

280. HE WAS MY FRIEND, AND I-I KILLED HIM!

281. I PUSHED HIM TOO HARD WITH THAT SQUEAKY CARROT.

282. OH, COME ON, MIKEY. IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT.

283. I GAVE HIM THAT STUPID DISTILLED WATER.

284. NO, IT WAS THOSE GARLIC CROUTONS!

285. HIS LITTLE HEART COULDN'T TAKE SO MUCH SEASONING.

286. IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER, YOU ALL KILLED HIM, OKAY?

287. IT WAS NOBODY'S FAULT.

288. IT WAS JUST HIS TIME TO GO.

289. I KNOW.

290. I WISH I COULD HAVE SAID GOODBYE TO THE LITTLE GUY.

291. TOO LATE NOW.

292. SAYS WHO?

293. IT SEEMS PRETTY OBVIOUS, T.J.

294. HEY, IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO SAY GOODBYE.

295. SPEEDY WAS OUR GOOD FRIEND. I SAY WE GIVE HIM A FUNERAL.

296. A FUNERAL FOR A HAMSTER?

297. GIVE THE LITTLE GUY A PROPER SEND-OFF.

298. A MEMORIAL SERVICE TO SHARE OUR SENTIMENTS.

299. WE'LL GET SOME OTHER KIDS TO HELP US.

300. LET'S DO IT.

301. WHY DO I HAVE A FEELING MY RECESS JUST GOT WRECKED?

302. SORRY, GUYS. WE'RE BOOKED SOLID.

303. WE GOT A BOMB SHELTER FOR THAT NEW SCIENCE TEACHER.

304. BUT THIS IS FOR SPEEDY.

305. THE HAMSTER? WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO?

306. YEAH. SPEEDY WAS A GREAT DIGGER.

307. WE'D BE HONORED.

308. A FUNERAL FOR A HAMSTER?

309. WELL, I DO NEED A NEW DRESS.

310. SOMETHING BLACK.

311. PLUS A HAT WITH A VEIL.

312. I'LL GET A SCARF.

313. AND SHOES.

314. AND MATCHING BAGS.

315. THIS IS THE BEST PLOT IN THE PLAYGROUND.

316. SOMETHING LIKE THIS WOULD SET YOU BACK,

317. BUT BECAUSE IT'S FOR SPEEDY,

318. YOU CAN HAVE MY ALL-IN-ONE BURIAL PACKAGE

319. AT A MERE 2 BUCKS OVER COST.

320. YOU GOT YOURSELF A DEAL.

321. I'M NOT COUGHING UP MY MILK MONEY

322. TO BURY A HAIRBALL.

323. IT'S FOR SPEEDY.

324. HEY! WHAT DO YOU KIDS THINK YOU'RE DOING?

325. WHOOPS. GOT TO GO.

326. HEY, KING BOB, YOUR HIGHNESS.

327. WE WERE JUST...

328. DIGGING A HOLE.

329. DIGGING A HOLE IN SIXTH GRADE TERRITORY?

330. HOW DARE YOU? TAKE THEM TO THE DODGE BALL WALL.

331. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, YOUR MAJESTY.

332. WE'RE HAVING A FUNERAL FOR SPEEDY.

333. FOR SPEEDY THE HAMSTER?

334. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HE WAS SICK.

335. WHY, WHEN I WAS A MERE FOURTH GRADER LIKE YOURSELVES,

336. I USED TO TALK TO SPEEDY

337. AND TELL HIM MY HOPES AND DREAMS.

338. OF COURSE YOU CAN BURY SPEEDY HERE.

339. IN FACT, I, KING BOB, WILL GIVE THE EULOGY.

340. WHAT IS WITH YOU PEOPLE? HAVE YOU ALL GONE INSANE?

341. IT'S A HAMSTER...

342. A DUMB, LITTLE, INSIGNIFICANT

343. $2.58 HAMSTER!

344. WHAT'S EATING HER?

345. HOW COULD ONE HAMSTER HAVE SO MANY FRIENDS?

346. AHEM. KIDS OF THE PLAYGROUND,

347. WE ARE GATHERED HERE TODAY TO SAY GOODBYE TO SPEEDY.

348. SPEEDY WAS MORE THAN A HAMSTER. HE WAS A FRIEND.

349. HEY, ARE WE LATE?

350. AND YOU ARE...

351. CAPTAIN OF THE HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL TEAM.

352. ME AND THE GUYS CAME AS SOON AS WE HEARD.

353. WE KNEW SPEEDY IN THE FOURTH GRADE.

354. HE USED TO BE LIKE A MASCOT TO US.

355. OKAY, FINE. STAND OVER THERE.

356. WAY OVER THERE.

357. ANYWAY, FOR SOME OF US, SPEEDY WAS A FRIEND,

358. FOR OTHERS, A MASCOT.

359. SO, DID WE MISS ANYTHING?

360. YOU BUS DRIVERS KNEW SPEEDY, TOO?

361. SURE. BACK IN FOURTH GRADE,

362. WE PLAYED WITH SPEEDY MORE THAN WE PLAYED WITH CARS.

363. FINE. JUST STAND OVER THERE WITH THE BIG BLUBBERING GUY.

364. ANYWAY, LIKE I WAS SAYING,

365. A FRIEND, A MASCOT, A PLAYMATE...

366. SPEEDY WAS ALL OF THIS AND MORE. IN FACT...

367. I'VE COME TO PAY MY RESPECTS TO A GREAT HAMSTER.

368. MAYOR FITZHUGH, YOU KNEW SPEEDY?

369. KNEW HIM? I OWE EVERYTHING TO THIS LITTLE GUY.

370. BACK WHEN I WAS A FOURTH GRADER,

371. THIS LITTLE HAMSTER WAS MY ONLY FRIEND.

372. HE NEVER LAUGHED AT MY HOPES, AT MY DREAMS.

373. HE JUST RAN ROUND IN HIS LITTLE WHEEL,

374. TELLING ME IN HIS SILENT WAY, "KEEP MOVING, FITZHUGH.

375. KEEP MOVING, AND THEY'LL NEVER INDICT YOU."

376. THANKS, SPEEDY. I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU.

377. 1956? THAT'S MORE THAN 40 YEARS AGO.

378. ANYWAY, LIKE I'VE BEEN TRYING TO SAY,

379. FRIEND, MASCOT, PLAYMATE, SOUL MATE,

380. SPEEDY MEANT A BUNCH OF STUFF TO A LOT OF US, AND, WELL...

381. AH, HECK, JUST BURY THE LITTLE FLUFF BALL.

382. NO! TAKE ME, TOO!

383. GOOD SWEET MIKE!

384. SPINELLI, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

385. I LOVED THE LITTLE RAT, OKAY?

386. I LOVED EVERYTHING... HIS NOSE, HIS PAWS.

387. I'LL NEVER FORGET

388. THE FIRST DAY HE LOOKED UP AT ME

389. WITH THOSE EYES, AND I SAW LOVE.

390. THAT'S RIGHT, LOVE!

391. I'LL NEVER LOVE ANOTHER HAMSTER AGAIN.

392. LEAVE US ALONE!

393. SPEEDY! SPEEDY!

394. SPEEDY?

395. HEY, DID SPEEDY ALWAYS HAVE A SPOT UNDER HIS CHIN?

396. SPOT UNDER HIS CHIN?

397. SPEEDY HAD A STRIPE DOWN HIS BACK.

398. SPEEDY HAD WHITE PAWS LIKE RUNNING SHOES.

399. RUNNING SHOES?

400. SPEEDY WAS BROWN FROM HEAD TO TOE.

401. HEY, THIS ONE'S FEMALE!

402. THE ONE IN THE PICTURE IS A GIRL,

403. BUT THE SPEEDY I ALWAYS KNEW WAS A BOY.

404. THEY'RE NOT THE SAME HAMSTER!

405. B-BUT HOW CAN THIS BE?

406. Miss Grotke: PERHAPS I CAN EXPLAIN.

407. MISS GROTKE?

408. YOU SEE, THE AVERAGE HAMSTER

409. ONLY HANGS OUT ON THIS PLANET FOR A COUPLE OF YEARS,

410. AND WE TEACHERS WEREN'T SURE

411. IF YOU KIDS COULD HANDLE THE METAPHYSICAL RAMIFICATIONS

412. OF, YOU KNOW, DEATH.

413. WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY, MISS GROTKE?

414. WELL, IT'S LIKE THIS...

415. FROM THE DAY THIS SCHOOL WAS BUILT,

416. EVERY FOURTH GRADE CLASS HAS HAD A HAMSTER NAMED SPEEDY,

417. AND WHENEVER ONE DIED,

418. WE TEACHERS WOULD SECRETLY REPLACE IT

419. WITH A NEW ONE BEFORE YOU FOUND OUT.

420. YOU MEAN YOU LIED TO US?

421. "LIE" IS A HARSH WORD.

422. I PREFER TO SAY WE MASSAGED REALITY.

423. THAT EXPLAINS IT. TO HAVE KNOWN THESE PEOPLE,

424. SPEEDY WOULD HAVE TO HAVE BEEN ALIVE FOR DECADES.

425. THIS ISN'T MY SPEEDY.

426. OR MINE.

427. OR MINE.

428. COME ON, GUYS, LET'S GO.

429. WAIT!

430. DON'T TRY AND STOP US. WE COULD BECOME AN UGLY MOB.

431. NOW HOLD ON. YOU'RE ACTING LIKE BABIES.

432. I AM NOT. I WANT MY SPEEDY!

433. LOOK, MAYBE THIS SPEEDY WASN'T YOUR SPEEDY

434. OR YOURS OR MINE.

435. THE FACT IS, EVERY SPEEDY WAS A SPEEDY TO SOMEBODY.

436. JUST BECAUSE THERE'S MORE THAN ONE

437. DOESN'T CHANGE HOW ANY OF US FELT.

438. IT DOESN'T CHANGE WHAT THEY TAUGHT US, EITHER...

439. HOW TO MAKE A BED OUT OF WOOD CHIPS,

440. HOW TO ENJOY EVEN THE STALEST BREAD,

441. HOW FUN IT CAN BE TO RUN IN CIRCLES,

442. AND MOST IMPORTANT, HOW TO BE A FRIEND.

443. WE GATHERED HERE TODAY TO HONOR A GREAT HAMSTER,

444. ONLY NOW WE GET TO HONOR A LOT OF GREAT HAMSTERS,

445. NOT JUST MY SPEEDY, BUT YOURS AND YOURS.

446. SO WHAT DO YOU SAY?

447. LET'S DO THIS THING RIGHT FOR SPEEDY!

448. I HEREBY DECLARE THIS

449. THE TOMB OF THE UNKNOWN SPEEDY.

450. YAY!

451. SPEEDY, WE HARDLY KNEW YE.

452. YEAH! WAY TO GO!

453. HA HA HA.

454. HA HA. HA HA.