Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares 4x2

1. - Time's running out for the Fenwk Arms.

2. A country pub that thinks it's Claridges.

3. Is this pub food?

4. - No.

5. - Because I can't quite believe

6. I'm standing in a traditional English pub.

7. This week I'm trying to help the most stubborn

8. fruit cake I've ever met.

9. - I love plates.

10. - Now where did that one come from?

11. Seven days to teach this old dog some new tricks.

12. - Just remember we are the bosses.

13. - It will take a miracle.

14. Fucking come and tell me, yeah?

15. Because I'll smash them over your fucking head.

16. - The Lune Valley.

17. A wealthy farming area in the heart

18. of the Lancashire countryside.

19. Home of the hot pot and the custard tart

20. and a great location for a road side pub.

21. I'm looking for the Fenwick Arms.

22. A good old traditional English pub.

23. Every day thousands of punters speed past the pub,

24. it's slap bang on the busy A683

25. between Lancaster and Kirkby Lonsdale.

26. Pubs are now the nations favourite place to eat out

27. and Brian Rey has spent the last 30 years cooking pub food.

28. - I don't claim to be God.

29. I don't claim to be Jesus,

30. but in my business and in my kitchen my word is law.

31. - There's a mint to be made

32. if you get pub food right,

33. but since Brian and his partner Elaine Howden took over

34. the Fenwick Arms three years ago

35. they've been haemorrhaging money

36. at the rate of 1,500 quid a week.

37. What's going on there?

38. One big over grown bush.

39. Fuck me.

40. And here is the menu.

41. Okay.

42. Shit.

43. This is?

44. - Elaine. - Elaine, nice to see you and?

45. - Hello, I'm Brian.

46. - Brian, how are you? - Oh, I'm fine.

47. - Good.

48. - Delighted to meet you. - Likewise.

49. Good to see you. - Very delighted.

50. - God, it's tight in here, isn't it?

51. - Yep.

52. - So where's the, where's the restaurant?

53. - The dining area is this way.

54. - Follow us down then.

55. - This is supposed to be a traditional English pub

56. but it's full of tacky clutter.

57. And when it comes to table settings,

58. Brian's got serious delusions of grandeur.

59. God, extraordinary!

60. Not what I imagined as a pub.

61. - We used to have this just as a small dining room

62. with four tables in it.

63. - God, you look like you've got the Queen

64. coming for fucking dinner, no?

65. Unfortunately no one's coming for dinner.

66. But it's not for want of trying.

67. Brian and Elaine have thrown everything

68. at this failing business.

69. - We spend most of our life down here,

70. anything between 100 and 120 hours a week down here.

71. - 120 hours a week?

72. 60 hours each?

73. - Yes. - No.

74. 120 each.

75. - So what days off do you take?

76. - We don't. - We don't.

77. - So you don't take any?

78. - We had Christmas day off this year.

79. - That was your last day off?

80. - Yes, and the day before that was the previous Christmas

81. and the day before that would have been

82. about 18 years ago.

83. - Jesus.

84. - I had six days off for

85. quadruple heart bypass. - Quadruple heart bypass.

86. - But I was back at work on the seventh day.

87. - Fucking hell.

88. You were back at work seven days later?

89. - Yep. - Yep.

90. Seven days after the op I was back working

91. in the kitchen cooking.

92. - Are you mad?

93. - Probably.

94. - How old are you? - 62.

95. - 62.

96. For Christ's sake.

97. - Brian is killing himself over an empty pub.

98. This place should feel laid back and lively

99. but it's got all the formality and awkwardness of a wake.

100. It's staid, you know, the atmosphere

101. is static and very dreary.

102. - There's our menu for this evening.

103. - Thank you.

104. - Plus the additions of the day.

105. Care for a wine list?

106. Brian calls them additions rather than specials,

107. he doesn't like to call them specials.

108. - Fuck me.

109. Christ almighty.

110. Well it's far from being a pub menu, is it?

111. God.

112. Reg Johnson's corn-fed Goosnargh duck breast.

113. Ribble Farm house Savoy cabbage, rosti potato,

114. Willington crispy apple chutney and Calvados jus.

115. Fuck me.

116. Brian's trying way too hard

117. and his list of pompous sauces is ridiculous.

118. I mean there's pure merlot red wine sauce, jus,

119. Calvados jus, Lancashire jus, caramelised onions,

120. tartare, extraordinary.

121. You walk into a pub and you expect a steak

122. and kidney pudding, a shepherd's pie.

123. I've ordered the simplest thing on the menu, a prawn salad,

124. but Brian doesn't do simple.

125. We'd like to point out first and foremost

126. we're a traditional old English pub.

127. Bloody hell.

128. That's steeped in tradition there, isn't it?

129. Let's see if Brian can get traditional with my main course,

130. but I'm doubtful.

131. It's Corcoran Rack of Lamb,

132. balsamic cherry tomatoes

133. and one of those pretentious sauces.

134. How the fuck do you get in?

135. How do you get the lamb out?

136. Not only is this not pub food, but it's plain awful.

137. Honestly it was like chewing a fucking golf ball.

138. Brian's got a lot to answer for.

139. This is a pub, isn't it?

140. - Yes.

141. - And that's what I had to keep on telling myself.

142. A traditional old English pub.

143. So how many pubs have you been in

144. that have served up over reduced syrupy

145. sickly balsamic vinegar in a Z shape over a square plate?

146. - Probably none.

147. - A pub, or pub grub is the next step up from home.

148. You know, it's that basic.

149. Rustic, honest, good British solid food

150. and there's nothing traditional about

151. what you're doing here.

152. This is currently running as a restaurant that is confused,

153. over the top, I mean absurd beyond belief.

154. You're not running a pub,

155. it feels like you're running a restaurant badly.

156. Modern pub food is all about simple home cooking done well.

157. I don't think it's going to be easy persuading Brian

158. and Elaine that they need to get back to basics.

159. How are you feeling?

160. - Total crap.

161. It was pretty devastating last night.

162. Some of the things, yes, we could fully accept and take.

163. - Uh-huh.

164. - But to be quite honest the way we felt,

165. if you have to be like that to get to the top

166. I'm glad I'm at the bottom.

167. - I've got to be brutally honest,

168. clearly you don't like that level of honesty.

169. I'm not here for confrontation

170. and, you know, if you're that devastated

171. on the back of what you've been through in this industry

172. for 30 years, I'm surprised you're so weak.

173. After 30 years hard graft,

174. Brian and Elaine should be reaping the benefits

175. but in fact they're facing bankruptcy

176. and could be homeless in three months.

177. They've got to face facts.

178. How much are you in debt?

179. - When we actually sat down and wrote it down,

180. tossed it all up,

181. put everything into it where you sort of leave things out

182. so that you don't see it,

183. we're about a quarter of a million.

184. - In debt?

185. If we had to close tonight?

186. - Uh-huh.

187. - The situation at the Fenwick Arms is desperate.

188. I need to find out how Brian runs his kitchen.

189. Since his heart op, his memory lets him down

190. so he sets a timer for every dish he's cooking.

191. And that helps you not to forget when it's ready?

192. - Well, it's not just that.

193. It's giving you an awareness

194. all the time of that time's fast.

195. - So how many timers have you got going on?

196. - Just one at the moment.

197. - We've got three going at the moment.

198. - Oh three timers, three.

199. - Brian's short term memory is as awful

200. as the rich sticky sauce he's coating every dish.

201. And this one?

202. - And that I believe is a previous scrumpy reduction.

203. We actually didn't have a lot of cider.

204. - So it's a scrumpy reduction without the scrumpy?

205. - Appletiser reduction.

206. - With Appletiser in there?

207. Appletiser?

208. Fuck me, I feel sick.

209. I'm starting to realise

210. that nothing about this kitchen makes sense.

211. - Have you got any mash ready for us, Nathan?

212. Have you got a bowl for that?

213. - While Brian runs round the tiny cramped space

214. he's paying top whack to his most experienced chef Nathan

215. who seems to just put parsley on everything.

216. Is this normal or is someone taking the piss out me?

217. This is normal? - This is Normal.

218. - I've never seen such a chaotic

219. and inefficient kitchen,

220. and on top of that there's Brian's over complicated

221. and, frankly, ridiculous food.

222. Stone cold pate, stone cold lettuce,

223. piping hot reduced red wine sauce, parsley.

224. Hey, you've got a fucking brain, haven't you?

225. - I hope so. - Yeah, yeah.

226. - I like to think so. - Is this pub food?

227. - No.

228. - Because I can't quite believe

229. I'm fucking standing in a traditional English pub.

230. Brian's already had five heart attacks

231. and he's running himself into the ground,

232. cooking the wrong food in the wrong way.

233. Your kitchen is a disaster zone.

234. It is fucking impossible to get food out of there.

235. Well, I tell you what, big boy.

236. You may be 62 but fuck me you don't have to work that hard,

237. do you know that?

238. - It would be nice, if I didn't.

239. - I swear to God

240. because that must be a fucking nightmare in there.

241. The Fenwick Arms in Lancashire has ideas above its station.

242. It's a country pub with aspirations

243. to be a fancy restaurant.

244. The dining room is set for the Queen

245. and the food is pretentious.

246. Brian Rey and Elaine Howden

247. are a quarter of a million pounds in debt,

248. but they're still spending.

249. You've got the set up of a restaurant, big coffee machine,

250. espresso, expensive bit of equipment no?

251. - Eh, I picked it up for 400 pound.

252. - Four hundred quid? - Yeah.

253. - You bought it? - Yeah.

254. - From where? - E-bay.

255. - E-bay? - Yeah.

256. - Brian's stuffed his kitchen

257. with so much second hand equipment you can't swing a cat.

258. Let me just squeeze past here.

259. Thank fuck you're small, do you know that?

260. Huh? - I've said it at times.

261. - That's what you do, you look for chef's on E-bay,

262. look at their size, their measurements. Their weight

263. then employ them, yes?

264. Brian's DIY kitchen is a cramped

265. bodged together disaster zone

266. held together with bits of string.

267. And his hoarding problem goes much deeper

268. than I first thought.

269. - I love plates.

270. Whereas other people go and have a holiday

271. or go out for a meal, I'll save my pennies and buy a plate.

272. - Jesus, fuck me.

273. Look at all those plates there, wrapped in cling film.

274. Why are they wrapped in cling film?

275. - To stay clean.

276. - To stay clean? - Yeah.

277. - Right.

278. What are these plates used for?

279. - Just some I bought to play with.

280. - Some you bought to play with?

281. - Yeah, I haven't played with them yet,

282. just got the chance of getting them so I got them.

283. - What are you thinking of putting in there?

284. Salad, soup? - I don't know.

285. We'll come up with some dish and use them for that.

286. - No, no, no, no.

287. Come on.

288. You don't serve food in them, do you?

289. - Yes, we did.

290. - Oh no come on,

291. I wouldn't even put a fucking dog's dinner in there.

292. You don't serve food in them? - We have done in the past.

293. - No.

294. Look at the size of it.

295. - They're big.

296. - I mean you can go tiling with that thing, you know that?

297. We can retile this whole establishment with these plates.

298. Just look what we can start doing, in terms of look,

299. already starting to look unique, isn't it?

300. - Yes.

301. - And so you serve what Chinese dish on this one?

302. - It wasn't, it was a Japanese dish.

303. - Christ almighty.

304. - The tile glue didn't stick.

305. - Shit.

306. - It's all right don't worry, it was chipped anyway.

307. - Sorry.

308. Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn.

309. Every corner I turn I discover another

310. of Brian's stashes squirrelled away.

311. Now where did that one come from?

312. - I bought that from Villeroy Boch.

313. - Fucking hell.

314. And what's that? You don't serve food on that, come on.

315. - Yes, we do.

316. - It's like a fucking swimming pool for Barbie.

317. Now we've got one with three compartments down the side.

318. - We serve the steak on that.

319. - You serve the steak on that?

320. - Yeah.

321. - A life time of hoarding calls for shock treatment.

322. For the first time ever

323. we're going to get rid of that fucking junk.

324. Before I can even think about changing the food

325. I've got to make some space.

326. Condemned, broken, chipped, skipped, yeah?

327. - Yeah. - This.

328. Where did you get this thing from?

329. - E-bay. - E-bay?

330. Tucked away in the corner Brian's got a huge

331. disgusting stock pot.

332. It's the base for all his revolting sauces.

333. That's gonna go in the skip.

334. We don't need to fucking have the Shiraz, the Merlot,

335. we don't need it.

336. That for me is a hazard.

337. Do we need that hot plate?

338. - Um, well it's usually a way of keeping the food hot.

339. - Brian's been collecting kitchen equipment

340. for 30 years.

341. He's never thrown anything away.

342. And even with me here to help, he's finding it difficult.

343. - Bit of a shock to the system.

344. It's a hell of a shock to the system.

345. - Some of these items here you're going to keep.

346. Some of them here you're going to sell

347. and some of them you're going to chuck.

348. Pin a tag on there.

349. Left to his own devices I know Brian would put

350. all this junk back, so I'm forcing him to decide

351. how much of it is actually essential to running the kitchen.

352. - I don't want to get rid of that.

353. Yet.

354. I just want to keep that top, it's a table top.

355. I don't want to get rid of that.

356. - Oh dear, he's hopeless.

357. - I'm going to keep them

358. because I'll have to find somewhere for them.

359. - How many microwaves do you need?

360. - Just keep one or two.

361. - Three?

362. What are you doing with three microwaves?

363. - One. - One.

364. - One and one spare.

365. - I've been trying to get rid of some of this rubbish

366. for two or three years,

367. but Brian will not part with anything.

368. - I'm leaving Elaine in charge of rebuilding

369. the kitchen while I make sure that Brian's junk

370. has gone for good.

371. Okay, why do you think I've brought you here?

372. - I have no idea.

373. - You've got no idea?

374. Well, see that skip behind there?

375. That's full of your junk

376. and I'm really worried the fact that you're going to put

377. half that junk back in your kitchen.

378. So I've got to get rid of it once and for all.

379. Go on get that stock pot away.

380. We're getting rid of the shit.

381. Look at it.

382. Stop hoarding crap.

383. - I think you've well and truly made the point.

384. - The harsh truth is that 20 rural pubs close

385. every month and if Brian and Elaine

386. don't want to add to that number

387. they need to start making some drastic changes.

388. I've got a huge amount of respect for fucking Brian.

389. The guy's 62 years of age, he's been cooking for 30 years.

390. He hasn't got a fucking pot to piss in.

391. He's working in excess of a 120 hours a fucking week

392. in the kitchen.

393. I'm sorry but for any man of 62, that can kill you.

394. Clearing out the junk was just the beginning.

395. Before I can start changing that god awful food

396. I need to get this kitchen working properly.

397. Look at the space you've here like that.

398. Hey, we're going to throw

399. a fucking dance in here in a minute.

400. I've got to do something drastic,

401. I need to clear out one final thing from the kitchen.

402. Brian.

403. Brian, big night for you tonight.

404. Don't be scared of the change.

405. You're not cooking in the kitchen tonight.

406. You are out of the kitchen for good

407. and you're more than capable of running your pub

408. but not from the kitchen,

409. as a proper publican, as a proper host.

410. - I will do my best.

411. - Please go and get changed.

412. - I will.

413. - I think this kitchen's got a better chance

414. without Brian.

415. He's got a young but enthusiastic team of three chefs,

416. Nathan, Karen and Chris.

417. - I know how difficult Brian is to work with,

418. that is so fucking obvious, yeah?

419. He's gone now, yeah?

420. He's not running the kitchen he's running his business.

421. Show him that you can do it.

422. It's essential that the Fenwick Arms

423. has a friendly couple out front.

424. - We have to do is keep holding all the waiting staff.

425. - But I'm not convinced Brian

426. will be up to the job after 30 years behind a stove.

427. - Good evening.

428. Did anybody tell you we've run out of sea bass

429. and we've only got one tien left?

430. Right, anybody any ideas

431. on what you're looking for before we run out of

432. what's left?

433. - Oh dear.

434. Not exactly a polished performance.

435. Talk to them Brian, they won't bite.

436. But it's looking much more professional

437. in the kitchen where Karen has taken charge.

438. - One coriander, one steak and kidney,

439. one duck, one chicken.

440. - Don't worry about drizzling the plate,

441. just sauce the fucking thing please.

442. There you go.

443. Good.

444. Even with Brian's complicated menu,

445. the food is flying out of the kitchen

446. just like it should do in a pub.

447. They're doing a great job in there.

448. Now the problem is in the dining room

449. and there's no vibrance there.

450. The atmosphere is stuffy and formal.

451. Why on earth is Elaine pouring the wine?

452. This is supposed to be a pub.

453. While Brian and Elaine fuss over their customers,

454. there are empty tables in the dining room

455. and the bar is filling up with people waiting to eat.

456. They're never going to make a profit running it like this.

457. They need to fill the tables twice a night.

458. What's happening in the bar,

459. everyone's sitting in there taking orders,

460. get them straight to the fucking table.

461. Get them in that restaurant, clear the bar.

462. - Can I pass you some menus?

463. Are these ladies part of your party?

464. - Brian has got to loosen up

465. or we'll never speed up the service.

466. First of all you guys, yeah, fucking well done.

467. I mean really well done.

468. My problem was in the dining room.

469. Your service doesn't need to be that formal.

470. If you relax, the service will relax

471. and that's not nit picking, we're a pub.

472. - Yeah.

473. - What's wrong with them carrying their own drinks

474. through to the table?

475. - Nothing whatsoever.

476. - You know yourself when the atmosphere's not right,

477. you know it's not running smoothly.

478. - Course you do, but we need to work

479. on that level of just a pub.

480. - I've only got three days to go

481. and I've still got to solve the biggest problem

482. at the Fenwick Arms, Brian's food.

483. What is traditionally English pub food?

484. What is it?

485. - Well I suppose English pub food is basically scampi,

486. gammon, sausage, that but that isn't what I want to be.

487. - That's nothing of a sort.

488. Fuck me, what pubs have you been in?

489. - Not quite so many since

490. I've ended up in one myself.

491. - It's rustic, simple English cooking.

492. Whether it's a bowl of split pea soup,

493. whether it's a Lancashire hot pot,

494. whether it's steak and chips.

495. It is simple food.

496. - And that's where I've lost my way then.

497. - It's time I pushed Brian in the right direction.

498. See this on here?

499. Twaddle, yeah?

500. Absolute horrendous waffle.

501. I don't want to see the Madeira sauce,

502. the citrus mayonnaise,

503. I don't want to see a Calvados jus.

504. No more sauces.

505. The pub will be serving great British pub food.

506. I've got to start replacing some of Brian's dishes

507. with good home cooking.

508. - Here you go. - Yeah.

509. - What's wrong with having

510. Lancashire hot pot on the menu?

511. - Nothing.

512. - Nothing at all.

513. Where are we?

514. - Lancashire. - Lancashire.

515. And so why is that not on the menu?

516. I've asked Brian and Elaine to rewrite the menu

517. minus the waffle.

518. - Pan fried duck livers, just fried duck livers.

519. - Fish cake.

520. - Just put down fish cake.

521. - Potatoes on top.

522. Lots of potatoes, yeah?

523. Spread nice, good.

524. Give it a little twist to the bottom like that,

525. that mixes the onions and the potatoes, yeah,

526. up on top and in.

527. What have you done for the fish cakes?

528. - Salmon and haddock fish cake.

529. - Salmon and haddock fish cake.

530. - Salmon and haddock fish cake?

531. - Yep. - And that's it?

532. - Yep.

533. - Wow.

534. Finally we're getting somewhere.

535. I feel that we're really starting to fucking understand

536. what pub means.

537. Progress at last,

538. but I don't think they'll really understand

539. what a pub is until they've been to one.

540. So I'm giving them a night off.

541. Their first Saturday night out in 18 years.

542. Good.

543. Right, Elaine, Brian,

544. take the dogs for a walk,

545. don't worry about the service.

546. - Right.

547. - When you come back, okay,

548. get changed, yeah, and come and have dinner.

549. When was the last time you sat in here

550. on a Saturday night and watched your staff at work

551. and enjoyed your dinner?

552. - Never. - Never.

553. - Right, okay.

554. Off you go. - Thank you, Gordon.

555. - See you later. - Thank you.

556. - Yeah, see you later.

557. Right, now one last thing.

558. You're the only pub in Britain that's got a fucking uniform,

559. get changed into your civvies,

560. see you in five minutes ready to run the place, yeah?

561. - There's a good boy.

562. There's a good boy.

563. Come on, Elaine. (dog barks)

564. - I'm hoping that if Brian and Elaine experience

565. a real pub atmosphere they'll realisz relaxed is best.

566. So tonight there'll be no fussy service at the Fenwick Arms.

567. Good evening. - Good evening.

568. - Good evening. - Welcome to the Fenwick Arms.

569. How are you? - Very well, thank you.

570. - Good, good, good.

571. You can't come in.

572. - You too busy?

573. - No, we're not too busy.

574. You're not here to receive an OBE,

575. you're here to have dinner, you're dressed too formal.

576. - So we'll go back again? - As quick as you can.

577. - Right, come on. - Lovely.

578. - We've never been out ever not dressed like this.

579. - Right, come back with something casual.

580. Welcome to the Fenwick Arms.

581. Come through, please.

582. - Thank you.

583. - Cheers dear. - Cheers.

584. - Tonight they'll be sampling the first

585. of my new real pub grub, not a sticky jus in sight.

586. - It's a rather nice colour, isn't it?

587. - You want to taste this pate.

588. - It's good.

589. - Yeah that.

590. That is delightful.

591. - The food has been a hit.

592. I hope they've finally got the message

593. that they've got nothing to fear from going back to basics.

594. You've got to show flexibility and you can do it.

595. And getting you out of this place today

596. was a breath of fresh air.

597. Just to relax the place

598. and the more you can relax, I swear to god,

599. you're gonna see your business grow.

600. - Last night was a success.

601. I thought the Fenwick Arms was back on track,

602. but this morning I've discovered Brian

603. had gone behind my back and jeopardised

604. everything we'd been trying to achieve.

605. We had a really good night last night

606. and the staff worked fucking exceptionally well.

607. So after I left Brian came downstairs

608. and started being a cantankerous old bat.

609. Right, I'm just going to have a word with him,

610. in fact both of them because I'm getting a little bit

611. fucking pissed off. The minute my back is turned,

612. and what was his complaint to you this morning?

613. - It was generally that he doesn't want to see

614. any of his plates being binned,

615. he doesn't want anything being different.

616. He came round and took all his knives out.

617. It was just generally, this is our business,

618. this is our home,

619. things aren't going to changing as much as everybody thinks.

620. We're still going to be doing it our way

621. and nobody's going to say any different.

622. - He's stuck in ways.

623. - I'm pissed off really.

624. - Yeah, but how pissed off are you?

625. - On a scale of one to ten? - Yeah.

626. - I'll give it a good seven.

627. - Unbelievable.

628. Two days to go and he decides to screw it all up.

629. At 62 years of age it's becoming really fucking clear

630. that you can't teach an old dog new fucking tricks.

631. I'm nearing the end of my week at the Fenwick Arms

632. where I'm trying to save Brian and Elaine

633. from the jaws of bankruptcy.

634. But just when I thought we'd turned the corner,

635. Brian's gone behind my back

636. and told his staff he won't accept my changes.

637. Now I want to get it out with you now

638. because I don't mind going,

639. I'd rather go and see my wife today

640. than sit here and fucking bang my head against the wall.

641. If you're not prepared to accept the changes,

642. you've got to tell me, and the nit picking.

643. Do you know what, you've got to balance it out

644. with some confidence and a little bit of encouragement.

645. - As I said to them this morning, right?

646. Just remember we are the bosses.

647. - It's not a power struggle, you are definitely the owners.

648. Just cut them a little slack you'll be surprised.

649. - You know what we're acting like?

650. Small children, aren't we?

651. - Thank you.

652. They're busting their nuts off for you right now.

653. - They're busting their nuts off for you right now.

654. - That's not for me,

655. that's for you because you pay their fucking salaries.

656. Not me.

657. And when you're worried about your Villeroy Boch

658. fucking plates that no one's changing,

659. fucking and come and tell me, yeah?

660. Because I'll smash them over your fucking head.

661. He'd better have listened this time.

662. I'm only here for two more days and a bigger concern

663. is that it's Sunday on a bank holiday weekend

664. and the pub is virtually empty.

665. Sunday lunch normally this quiet or?

666. - Sunday lunch is a bit hit and miss.

667. Some weeks you can have quite a few in,

668. other weeks you can have maybe six or 10 in.

669. - Here we are sat at a quarter two,

670. 25 covers done

671. and we should be having a second seating

672. coming in now for Sunday lunch.

673. But thank God only 25 five people

674. are going to eat the miserable looking roast

675. they're serving today.

676. It's coated in yet another disgusting brown sauce.

677. Is that Brian's recipe?

678. - Yes.

679. Yeah.

680. - It's a revolting concoction of gravy granules

681. and reduced red wine.

682. I may have kicked Brian out of the kitchen

683. but unfortunately his influence still lingers on.

684. I suppose we could always retile the roof

685. with that fucker, can't we?

686. Look at that, fuck me.

687. Why is it so dark?

688. - The red wine.

689. - But the Yorkshire puddings are actually pretty impressive.

690. What a shame they're going to be ruined

691. by Brian's disgusting gravy.

692. Why isn't this place packed out for a Sunday lunch?

693. - We don't know.

694. We just don't know.

695. We have no idea.

696. We've tried different menus,

697. we've had bigger, we've had shorter, we've tried all sorts.

698. - Yeah.

699. Look how busy the fucking road is.

700. - Yeah.

701. - You should be fucking ramming them in for Sunday lunch.

702. - Yep.

703. - Turnover needs to increase

704. by at least 2,000 pounds a week.

705. I think Sunday lunch holds the key to solving the problem,

706. but there's only one thing Brian's gravy is good for.

707. We're saying goodbye to the gloop and hello to gravy.

708. Whee!

709. Fucking hell.

710. We've got some tarmac.

711. Okay?

712. One thing we're gonna do now is make a proper gravy, yes?

713. When was the last time you made a proper gravy?

714. - Years ago.

715. - Years ago? - Yeah.

716. - Fresh oil in there, yeah?

717. And carrots, leeks, celery, yeah?

718. - Yes.

719. - And it's really important to make the gravy

720. in the tray the meat was roasted in.

721. And now stock.

722. Beef stock, yeah?

723. Bring that up to the boil.

724. Right, and when I, when I pass this through a sieve

725. I want to see the bottom of the tray

726. get nice and clean, yeah?

727. What happens all the vegetables start to go through

728. the sieve so it naturally thickens the gravy.

729. Out and look, gravy.

730. This has given me a great PR idea

731. that's going to appeal to Brian's eccentric personality

732. and give the Fenwick Arms the boost it so desperately needs.

733. That wasn't an overly busy lunch was it?

734. - No. - And we took how much?

735. - I didn't do a reading.

736. - 460 something.

737. - 400 quid, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

738. Eight of us on, barely enough to pay the wages.

739. Barely enough, yeah?

740. The penny dropped for me today you know that.

741. Why can't this place become famous for gravy?

742. - Brilliant idea.

743. - Look at these things.

744. They're amazing.

745. You've the amazing potential

746. to have a fantastic Sunday lunch.

747. Bring back real gravy.

748. This place will be fucking heaving.

749. - How? - Yes?

750. - How?

751. You go, you get on the streets

752. and you just announce, okay?

753. That you've got

754. a campaign to launch real gravy

755. at the fucking Fenwick Arms, yes?

756. A campaign to launch real gravy.

757. Hey, it sounds a little bit fucking dolally,

758. but why can't you just turn it around

759. and get out on the street with the team, yeah?

760. - Yes.

761. - Give us a word.

762. - Yes, we will launch the campaign.

763. - As I hoped.

764. Brian is well and truly sold on the campaign.

765. - Join the campaign for real gravy.

766. Join the Fenwick Arms for real gravy.

767. - His troops are armed with Yorkshire puddings

768. and jugs of gravy,

769. and we're ready to hit the streets of Kirkby Lonsdale.

770. Yorkshire pudding and just a little bit of gravy there.

771. - Join the campaign for real gravy.

772. - Sir?

773. Real gravy, there we are.

774. - No more jus's, no more sauces, real gravy.

775. No more sets, no more billie gas,

776. just real traditional British gravy.

777. - Oh yeah.

778. Oh yeah.

779. - Bollocks to bisto, bollocks to maggie.

780. The campaign for real gravy

781. starts at the Fenwick Arms Claughton.

782. The centre of the universe for real gravy.

783. - Nice? - That's very good.

784. - Happy, good man.

785. - We want gravy!

786. We want gravy!

787. We want gravy! - Bollocks to Bisto!

788. - We want gravy! - We want gravy!

789. - Great word of mouth publicity is unbeatable.

790. And Brian and the team have done a brilliant job

791. making damn sure the Fenwick Arms is the talk of the town.

792. We want gravy.

793. - We want gravy,

794. not just any gravy but the real gravy.

795. - We re-launch tomorrow and when word spreads about

796. the real gravy. The pub should be packed out.

797. - There you are, join our campaign.

798. Real gravy.

799. - It's my last day

800. and there's still a lot to do before tonight's re-launch.

801. First impressions count

802. so there's no point launching a big PR campaign

803. if the place looks a dump when the punters get here.

804. Have a look at that sign.

805. It cheapens the place and it just sends the wrong messages,

806. do you know that?

807. Huh?

808. And I want to see the Fenwick Arms

809. so that banner! you know, that's got to go.

810. and the whole place just needs sprucing up a little bit.

811. Jet hose the front and just get it nice and vibrant.

812. While the front of house team spruce up the exterior,

813. I've suggested to Brian

814. that he gets back on E-bay

815. and starts selling off his huge crockery collection.

816. - I've got ten of those

817. and they're starting off at 46 quid each.

818. - I may have done the impossible

819. and got Brian selling his plates

820. but I've got a feeling he won't find staying out

821. of the kitchen so easy.

822. I need Elaine to keep an eye on him when I'm gone.

823. There's one person that can make sure

824. that he doesn't go back to his old ways, is you.

825. - Yeah, I shall remind him.

826. I think he'll listen.

827. - You've got to keep him out of that kitchen.

828. You cannot let him back in there.

829. - I just think he was frightened of being—

830. - Jobless.

831. - Just put on the shelf and forgotten about.

832. And he didn't want to feel as though

833. they could manage without him even though he knew that.

834. It's the same with me.

835. - But he's got that competition streak in him.

836. He's 62 though.

837. He doesn't need to be that competitive with his staff.

838. - No, he doesn't, but you can see the passion he's had.

839. - Oh god, 30 years?

840. Yeah, easily.

841. Like I said there's not many that have lasted that long.

842. But it's about time he started to enjoy it a little bit, no?

843. Tonight we're re-launching the Fenwick Arms

844. as a great British pub.

845. The real gravy campaign has done the trick

846. and bookings have been pouring in all day.

847. - Good afternoon Fenwick Arms?

848. - On a normal Tuesday night

849. Brian and Elaine would be lucky to get 20 customers

850. but there's already 88 booked in for tonight's re launch.

851. - Eight o'clock?

852. Yeah, we could do it maybe going on towards half past.

853. - In the kitchen I've put together a new menu

854. of no nonsense tasty British pub favourites.

855. There's hearty pea and ham soup.

856. And the all time classic, simple prawn cocktail.

857. A few prawns in the middle.

858. What's the secret of a prawn cocktail?

859. - Good prawns?

860. - Good prawns,

861. lovely Marie Rose sauce and a little bit of apple.

862. The apple and the lettuce, yeah,

863. just really make it nice and zesty.

864. All these dishes use great ingredients,

865. prepared simply and presented without fuss.

866. Just like this pressed ham terrine.

867. When you think about something like a pub, it's rustic,

868. so keep the food rustic, yeah?

869. So in terms of presentation dots and fucking bits and bobs,

870. get it on there, that's it end of story.

871. All the chefs have impressed me this week,

872. but I think Karen's got the maturity to run the kitchen.

873. So you're going to take the reins?

874. - Yep.

875. - You are, yeah? - Yeah, definitely.

876. - And what happens if he starts to change things again?

877. What are you going to do?

878. - Put my foot down.

879. Oi, no way.

880. - You'll put your foot down? - Yeah.

881. - Yeah? - Be tough.

882. - It's time to show Brian and Elaine

883. their new menu.

884. I've replaced their complicated fussy food

885. with 25 classic pub dishes.

886. Surprise, surprise.

887. Simple straightforward honest British pub food, yeah?

888. And nothing too quirky.

889. - I'm well impressed.

890. - Roast rib of beef, stunning Yorkshire puddings,

891. jug of gravy.

892. Fish and chips.

893. Beautiful sausage and mash,

894. Lancashire Hot Pot and apple and blackberry crumble.

895. - I'm proud of what I can see.

896. - The secret behind this menu here

897. and being completely traditional

898. in terms of pub food

899. is just the speed it can fly out at, yeah?

900. With two sittings in the dining room

901. the chefs will be under pressure.

902. But it's Brian and Elaine I'm worried about.

903. If they can't relax and speed up the service,

904. we'll be screwed.

905. - Do we say our prayers now?

906. - I'm shaking like a leaf inside.

907. I don't know whether I'm on this planet the next planet,

908. but I'm definitely on a traditional pub planet.

909. - He'd better be.

910. The pub is packed out tonight but if Brian and Elaine

911. are going to start paying off their huge debt,

912. this can't be a one off.

913. 16 minutes from the starter to the main course, go.

914. Two roast beef.

915. Just keep it like this, first table,

916. keep it like this. - Yep.

917. - Lasso, here we go.

918. Lose those cobwebs.

919. For the first time ever they're aiming to fill

920. the dining room twice over,

921. so they can't waste time pouring wine

922. or gravy for the customers tonight.

923. - Mr. Foster, yes, you've got him on table four, Elaine.

924. - Oh, he needs to be on three, sorry.

925. - Did you wait long? - No.

926. - No? - Five minutes?

927. - Five minutes, perfect.

928. Gravy you're happy with?

929. - Gravy and Yorkshire pudding's are sensational.

930. - Fantastic.

931. So far so good.

932. The kitchen seems to be coping well under pressure.

933. Nathan, just be careful,

934. all these main courses are flying out now, desserts next.

935. Right, how many have you done?

936. - I think there's about 40, so maybe a bit more.

937. - We're on about 45,

938. just going to 50, yeah?

939. Over half way, yeah, keep it going, yeah?

940. But out front there's a disaster waiting to happen.

941. It's 8:30 and they're slipping into old habits,

942. the bar is full of people waiting to be seated.

943. Brian and Elaine haven't got the first customers off

944. the tables yet.

945. Brian, we've got a bit of queue forming, yeah?

946. Can we sit some of the guests down?

947. - Yes, we're just trying to get them to move

948. the tables to sit them down.

949. - If they don't move tell me, I'll move them.

950. - I'll get somebody to bring the bill for you, thanks.

951. - We've got to get them out of these tables now,

952. you know that, so we got to be firm now, yes?

953. - Yep.

954. - Are we finding it hard to transition?

955. It's not a restaurant it's a pub.

956. So don't be scared after one hour 55 minutes,

957. would you mind taking coffee in the bar

958. or come and have a drink at the bar.

959. Change those tables. - Yep.

960. - If you don't do that in the next 15 minutes

961. we are going to be in the fucking shit.

962. - Have you got a bill for table, that one,

963. whichever one it is?

964. - It's been touch and go

965. but at last the second sitting have their tables.

966. That's the hardest thing right now, isn't it?

967. Turn them round, and for the first time ever

968. it's starting to run like a pub.

969. The Fenwick Arms is buzzing.

970. The real gravy is being lapped up

971. and traditional pub food has hit the spot.

972. - I had roast beef and it was so gorgeous,

973. with real gravy on it.

974. - Nice.

975. Lovely.

976. If Brian and Elaine can keep up the pace,

977. they might just pull this off.

978. - I mean, hell, it's a lot of excitement.

979. The adrenalin is absolutely pounding through me.

980. Evening all.

981. Everything fine?

982. Evening.

983. Everything's fine?

984. - It's been a huge success

985. and finally the penny's dropped for Brian.

986. He's realised that the kitchen runs better without him.

987. - I think the team have just been unbloody believable.

988. They've done it.

989. I've not been there.

990. I've not had to come in and where's this,

991. where's that, where's the other.

992. And I am just so proud of them all.

993. Wow, what a night.

994. - At times this week I seriously doubted it was possible,

995. but tonight the Fenwick Arms has been transformed

996. from a stuffy dining room into a vibrant packed pub.

997. How much money did we take?

998. - The till. - Yep.

999. - Tells me we've done 2,247 pounds.

1000. - Yes, get in there. (all applaud)

1001. - Fantastic.

1002. - 2,000 pounds more than last Sunday lunch.

1003. - Yep.

1004. - Brian what does that tell you?

1005. - That changing the menu and doing it simpler has worked.

1006. - Yeah.

1007. Well, since I've been here that was the first night

1008. I witnessed all of you running a pub

1009. and I'm not going to come back to what I came

1010. and saw a week ago, yes?

1011. - No, you're not.

1012. - No, no chef whites.

1013. No knife rack. - Nope.

1014. - Nowhere near it? - No.

1015. - No.

1016. There was one, one little problem I found a Barbie plate.

1017. Please, Eddie, wrap it up in clingfilm,

1018. dig a hole and hide it, yes?

1019. Promise me? - Yes.

1020. - Good man, go.

1021. (glass breaks) Oh no!

1022. Eddie!

1023. A month ago I left Brian and Elaine running a busy pub.

1024. I'm dying to find out if they've kept it up.

1025. I'm on my way back to surprise them for Sunday lunch.

1026. The car park's looking full.

1027. Always a good sign.

1028. And the last Sunday I was here

1029. they struggled to serve 22 people.

1030. Good, the campaign for real gravy is still there.

1031. Menu, we can notice it this time.

1032. - Good evening.

1033. - Good evening, afternoon, hello, how are you?

1034. - Fine thank you and yourself?

1035. - Yes, very well thank you.

1036. Where's Brian?

1037. - In the kitchen. - In the kitchen.

1038. - He's where? - In the kitchen.

1039. - In the kitchen? - With Elaine.

1040. - What in the fuck is going on?

1041. What in the fuck are you doing in here?

1042. Hello. - Hello.

1043. I thought you were doing the great northern run.

1044. - What are you doing dressed in those?

1045. - Working. - Why?

1046. - Because I haven't got anybody else.

1047. - Oh for god's sake, Karen.

1048. - It's Chris's day off today, so I'm on my own.

1049. - It turns out just one week after I left,

1050. Brian was back in the kitchen

1051. and Nathan left to go back to college.

1052. Oh fuck me!

1053. Brian?

1054. - Yes, Gordon.

1055. - I cannot believe,

1056. I've just found you back in the kitchen.

1057. - I couldn't get any staff and we're just trying to recruit

1058. to replace the one who went.

1059. - Bloody hell.

1060. What else is back?

1061. Truthfully before I start rummaging around

1062. and looking for it. - Some of the plates.

1063. - Oh no! - Yep.

1064. Some of the plates.

1065. That was— - Oh no!

1066. Why?

1067. - Because what you taught us was listen to your customer.

1068. - Oh here we go. - So we did.

1069. - So your customers were saying bring back square plates?

1070. - No, what they wanted was the wow factor

1071. on the food again.

1072. That's what they wanted.

1073. - What do you mean the wow factor on the food?

1074. It's a pub, Brian.

1075. - Yes, but—

1076. - If you're starting to become a restaurant slowly,

1077. within a month you're destined for trouble.

1078. - We went a little way down the road

1079. but kept the menu basically along the lines

1080. of what you were saying.

1081. - Prawn cocktail's still on there.

1082. - Yes. - Yep, we've changed that.

1083. - You've changed that? - Yeah, we've done the prawns.

1084. - It's not in a wine glass. - It's not a wine glass.

1085. - No?

1086. - We've done it the way that we've always done it.

1087. - Go on.

1088. - And it sells exceptionally well.

1089. - Oh here we go.

1090. How did you used to serve the prawn cocktail

1091. before I put it in a glass, remind me?

1092. - Scallop shell with it on. - Oh for fuck's sake.

1093. - Scallop shell, but it sells

1094. and the customers like it. - Brian, Brian.

1095. - Yep?

1096. - Prawns don't live inside scallop shells.

1097. - No, but they don't live inside glasses either.

1098. - Oh fucks sake.

1099. Oh fuck me.

1100. Fucking hell.

1101. The good news is that thanks to the real gravy campaign,

1102. just one month, Sunday lunch takings

1103. have doubled and the overall turnover is up by 30%.

1104. I'll start with a prawn cocktail in a scallop shell, please.

1105. Yeah, they haven't got mashed potato piped round

1106. the outside have they?

1107. - Yes.

1108. - Oh fucking hell.

1109. So this is Brian's wow factor.

1110. He really is a stubborn old bat.

1111. Fuck me, prawn cocktail.

1112. Fuck it I'll do it myself.

1113. That's how I expect to see a prawn cocktail in a pub.

1114. Brian is making an incredible 250 litres of gravy a week

1115. and I'm not surprised people are flocking for this roast.

1116. - My god, look at the size of the portions, extraordinary.

1117. Nice gravy,

1118. and nothing farted around with, do you know what I mean?

1119. Lovely.

1120. Mm.

1121. I don't think there's a beef or a Yorkshire pudding anywhere

1122. in the country today

1123. that could have matched what you served me for lunch.

1124. - Thank you. - Thank you.

1125. - Don't piss around with it, you don't need to.

1126. And whilst I'm slightly concerned

1127. that you're back in the kitchen,

1128. I hope it's for a temporary time only.

1129. - It is.

1130. - Because if I talk to this lady

1131. in six months time, god forbid,

1132. and you've popped your fucking clogs in there

1133. on that stove, I'll be fucking furious.

1134. Get out of there, run your pub not your kitchen.

1135. Please.

1136. - I will and I'm absolutely confident

1137. that the way that you have set us up,

1138. the way the menu is set up is going to work.

1139. - Look at me and tell me, will you let go?

1140. - Yes.

1141. - Because if you do let go there's every chance

1142. this is going to work, you know that?

1143. Brian is full of surprises.

1144. He's got a new reason to log onto his computer.

1145. He's running a campaign for real gravy website.

1146. - September.

1147. 34,500 hits.

1148. - In one month? - In one month.

1149. - 34,500?

1150. - Yeah. - It's fucking fantastic.

1151. - Yeah.

1152. - 34,500 people logging on to find out more

1153. about the Fenwick Arms.

1154. Do me a favour now, start thinking about your next campaign,

1155. and I know what it should be.

1156. Campaign for a real prawn cocktail.

1157. - Now you're taking the piss,

1158. - I'm not taking the piss.

1159. You were taking the piss serving it

1160. in a fucking scallop shell.

1161. Good luck. - Thanks very much, Gordon.

1162. - Good night, take care. - Bye.

1163. - Fucking hell.

1164. Scallop shells in a prawn cocktail.

1165. Fucking hell.

1166. Fucking hell.

1167. 30 years.