Queen of Meth 1x3

1. Drugs are menacing our society.

2. If people have money, they get more respect.

3. They're killing our children.

4. It was all about having fun and living life.

5. Meth is spreading like a cancer.

6. It was just so easy to bring in hundreds of thousands of dollars.

7. It was too easy.

8. We're at the tip of the iceberg

9. in an epidemic proportions.

10. She had this reign of, you know, drug dealing.

11. But for me, she's my mom, Lori.

12. I wasn't thinking how it was gonna affect people's families,

13. even my own.

14. She was like, "I'm a kingpin. I'm not an addict."

15. She was out there cutting lines out on the hood of a car,

16. which, to me, was a little outrageous for Lori.

17. I thought, as long as nobody was getting hurt,

18. they just kind of overlooked it.

19. Our goal was to identify and target the largest trafficking organization.

20. That's why we were investigating Lori.

21. Methamphetamine was out there,

22. but it was primarily a west coast drug.

23. Lori was truly a kind of a pioneer.

24. She was one of the first major targets we identified

25. that was moving significant quantities of methamphetamine

26. from the west coast to Iowa.

27. Upwards of ten pounds at a time,

28. which we had not seen before.

29. With methamphetamine, you stay in this long enough,

30. you're gonna end up in one of two places.

31. You're gonna end up dead

32. or you're gonna end up in prison,

33. and it's only a matter of time.

34. Unbeknownst to her,

35. the state and local officers have been working on Lori for some time.

36. They've been gathering lots of intelligence on her,

37. watching the Wild Side bar.

38. We had identified numerous people in the organization.

39. Your goal is to try to flip them and move on up through the chain,

40. but the difficulty in cracking an organization like Lori's

41. is the fear factor.

42. Floyd's a pretty scary-looking guy.

43. He had multiple guys in this organization

44. to fit the exact same profile.

45. These are biker guys, big guys, tough guys.

46. Everyone knew they had access to multiple weapons.

47. As a child,

48. it was something that was very deeply encoded in us.

49. "Snitches get stitches and ditches," you know.

50. In addition to the fear factor, you had loyalty.

51. The combination of those two things

52. makes it very difficult to get people to roll over.

53. The loyalty factor in this case, I think,

54. was stronger than a lot of others that you see.

55. I was arrested on state charges. I had seven counts.

56. They asked me questions about

57. Lori for sure and what I did, where I got my stuff,

58. and they just tried their best to get you to talk about anything.

59. And I just couldn't do it.

60. Because she was my friend. I mean, I couldn't do that to her. I couldn't.

61. We were trying to bring continuing criminal enterprise charges

62. against the principal members of this group to take the entire organization down.

63. So what's required to prove it is that they are in a position of supervision

64. over five or more individuals, minimum of three overt acts,

65. whether they were sales or transporting,

66. and that they gained substantial income from the enterprise.

67. And that type of an investigation

68. takes longer than the standard "rip and run and arrest" type case.

69. We reached a point where we were able to get

70. a broader historical picture of what had been going on.

71. We weren't ready to move against the whole group,

72. but at the same time, we were still actively moving, though.

73. So we decided to gather additional evidence

74. and disrupt what they were doing.

75. I was heading in town and I saw all these cars, just one after another,

76. and I could see them eyeing me.

77. So I had a cell phone in the truck

78. and I called Floyd

79. 'cause I knew Floyd was sitting at the dining room table

80. and he could see down the road.

81. I said, "Keep an eye out." He said, "All right."

82. I went and did my dope deal, then I went over to my friend Lisa's to cut my hair

83. and I called her to tell her I was on my way and she goes, "Don't go home."

84. I'm like, "Why?" She goes, "You guys just got busted."

85. And all of a sudden out of nowhere,

86. you hear the helicopters, you see all these people running up.

87. SWAT-looking type guys come rush the house...

88. and they're beating on the kitchen door

89. and we're looking out the dining room door, like, looking at them,

90. "Let us in," you know. And my dad's like, "Well, it's unlocked."

91. And then they, boom, break down the door

92. and come rush in and grab everybody, throw them on the ground.

93. Get down!

94. I got a call.

95. Someone identified themselves and said, "Okay.

96. There's nothing you can do, but this is happening right now."

97. And they said that Lori and Floyd is being raided

98. by the Feds or whatever and a lot of people out there.

99. I'm like, "I just wanna get my nephew out of here.

100. He don't need to be around this, you know."

101. And then I went down to the road and then highway patrol finally told me

102. that my birth mother had actually come out there

103. and picked him up, like, ten minutes before I got there.

104. I called again. Floyd answered the phone.

105. I'm like, "What the hell's going on?" He goes, "Come on home."

106. I'm like, "Fuck you." I thought he was gonna set me up or something.

107. "No, I'm not gonna." He says, "No, they're gone."

108. I said, "Well, why are you still there?"

109. They came in, they brought search warrants,

110. everybody handcuffed while they were searching.

111. They found three pounds of meth and $25,000 in my basement.

112. They collected every gun,

113. every piece of paper, every photo...

114. They took all the stuff and they just left.

115. They didn't arrest nobody and we're like,

116. "What the..."

117. I called and it was my dad on the phone.

118. He's like, "It's okay. They're gone." He's like, "You can come back out."

119. So I was like, "Oh, okay."

120. They, frankly, don't know what to think. They are wondering,

121. how'd they get here and who's cooperating, who isn't cooperating

122. and why didn't they arrest them.

123. Never really understanding that,

124. well, we only didn't arrest you

125. because we're continuing our case full speed ahead

126. and we're going for a much bigger piece of the pie.

127. We didn't know if they were coming back,

128. so everything they didn't take that we had, we got rid of.

129. I mean, we had all kinds of cars. I hid my Jag.

130. I was hiding shit, you know, taking it to different places and hiding it.

131. I waited maybe three weeks or four weeks, something like that.

132. Nothing was happening.

133. But, you know, when you're not getting drugs coming in,

134. you're not getting money coming in.

135. So I can only wait so long. I got to keep this stuff up.

136. After a certain period of time of seeing nothing more happening from our end,

137. she calmed back down enough to get back in business.

138. But we were actively watching everything they were doing.

139. And there were things happening to people around them

140. that she was not aware of.

141. Drugs were being seized.

142. People were being locked up.

143. After we executed the raid,

144. we had lots of people all of a sudden starting to realize that,

145. "Wait a minute, this is getting real."

146. You're gonna come in and you're gonna cooperate

147. or you're gonna go down with the rest of the ship.

148. As I'm going down the road,

149. I notice this car is following me.

150. So I pull up to a stop sign and they pull up next to me.

151. "Where are you going?" And you could tell they were Feds.

152. He says, "We need to talk. Meet us at such and such time

153. because we've got information you need to know."

154. I'm like, "All right."

155. Prior to actually pulling the trigger on the indictment,

156. we thought, "You know what, let's take one more shot at Lori."

157. Because we found out that she was utilizing Mexican national sources of supply.

158. And if we can get her cooperating

159. before we arrest everybody and the cat's totally out of the bag,

160. maybe she's gonna be in a position to actively assist us

161. and maybe who knows what she can do, but look, let's find out.

162. So I went and bought this little tape recorder...

163. and put it down the front of my boot.

164. He goes, "We know your whole operation.

165. We know everything about you,

166. California, Arizona, we know what you're doing."

167. So, and at this time, I've got my leg crossed and my tape recorder up

168. because I want to make sure, you know, it heard everything

169. because I thought, "Well, that's kind of entrapment."

170. I'm like, "Okay, then what do you need from me, you know?"

171. He says, "We're gonna offer you a deal.

172. You'll only get ten years in prison if you work with us

173. and give us information about Floyd, about the trip."

174. We were somewhat careful in what we said to her,

175. but we did, at the same time, want to emphasize to her,

176. case was strong and if she wanted to cooperate

177. and really get the bang for the buck of her cooperation,

178. this was the time to come in.

179. He was thinking that

180. Floyd was the mastermind selling all this shit and, you know.

181. He didn't realize most of it was me.

182. We knew that Floyd basically worked with Lori,

183. but mostly allowed Lori to run the show.

184. He was there for security, if needed.

185. But people knew if they were dealing with Lori, they were dealing with Floyd.

186. I said, "How are you gonna give me only ten years in prison?

187. I mean, you're not a judge. You're not a jury."

188. You know, so I talked, argued with them.

189. Thought I was smartass, but I wasn't afraid of them or anything.

190. She was smart, a little on the cocky side.

191. I think Lori probably would have been successful

192. in a legitimate business had she pursued it.

193. And I think Lori was a person who could pretty much handle herself

194. with just about anybody she dealt with.

195. I took the tape. I hired a lawyer,

196. but he said, "Lori, the Feds can do anything they want."

197. So the tape didn't help any, but I thought I was pretty cool doing it.

198. We called her one day and asked her, "Where are we at, Lori?"

199. It became very obvious that Floyd was standing right there with her

200. and she was having this conversation with us.

201. So, well, I guess Lori's not coming in.

202. And we continued our investigation.

203. We waited and we waited and, like, nothing was happening.

204. So, I'm like, "Well, evidently, they couldn't find anybody to testify against me.

205. They couldn't find anybody to snitch me out."

206. There was some reason they couldn't come arrest us.

207. So we started relaxing a little bit

208. and then once we figured, well, it must be over,

209. I mean, we'd party for, like, a month straight and they came back.

210. We finally just felt like we had enough not only to indict Lori,

211. but to move forward and take the whole group down.

212. And that's when we moved.

213. We were all sleeping...

214. and I just woke up to a big boom.

215. The first two officers in were dealing with Floyd

216. who had come out of the bedroom.

217. Myself and another officer went into the master bedroom,

218. which was totally dark.

219. There was just enough light. I could kind of see some shadows in there,

220. so I hit the person with the light, who did, in fact, turn out to be Lori

221. and I pinned her to the bed, told her not to move.

222. I felt a cold pistol barrel on my forehead,

223. so I looked up and it was a Fed sitting on top of me.

224. I'm like, "What do you want?"

225. He says, "You know God damn well what we want."

226. "We're DEA and FBI and ATF and OPD."

227. I'm like, "Where's AC-DC?"

228. I heard a bunch of rustling and then the first guy that came up

229. to go run upstairs pointed a gun at me.

230. But I think he realized immediately that it's a kid.

231. I was ten years old.

232. They brought Josh upstairs with me.

233. I was sitting in the chair, handcuffed, and so he started brushing my hair.

234. Then I was talking to him real easy...

235. and trying to make sure he didn't get excited or scared or...

236. We just kind of kept each other calm.

237. I think about an hour later, my grandparents came and got me.

238. Last thing my mom said to me was, you know,

239. that she loved me and see me soon,

240. because she was probably assuming the same thing I was assuming.

241. That, you know, whether it's that night

242. or whether it's, you know, a day or two later, it's...

243. We're gonna, you know, get back together

244. and everything's gonna be okay again. But it just wasn't the case.

245. Like I said, I was thinking I'd be back

246. because I'd get bonded out and everything,

247. so I didn't realize

248. that that was going to be the last time I was seeing him,

249. when he combed my hair before they hauled me out.

250. Get on the floor now!

251. That morning, we had probably 250,

252. maybe 300 law enforcement officers

253. execute simultaneous raids on about 14 or 15 locations.

254. Get on the floor! Get on the floor! Get on the floor!

255. They hauled us down to the Ottumwa Police Station

256. and when we walked down the stairs,

257. all of my co-defendants were all there.

258. Floyd and Lori were, like, the captains

259. and then, you know, they had lieutenants

260. and then my mom was probably more like a foot soldier.

261. When the raid happened at my house, I was 15.

262. Um, 15 and pregnant.

263. I was laying naked in my bed...

264. and there were these men, you know, all over my house.

265. "I've already been busted," I said.

266. "So I don't think you're supposed to be doing this to me again."

267. They said, "Well, this is Federal charges now."

268. There were ultimately 50 to 60 defendants

269. that went to jail over this.

270. All my co-defendants were all sleeping on the table...

271. So I turned to the cop and I'm like,

272. "Do we look like a bunch of meth heads because everybody's sleeping?"

273. He told me I could have a phone call.

274. So I called Pizza Hut and ordered a pizza

275. and they got mad at that and hung the phone up on me.

276. You know, I apologized and said, "I really need to call my bar."

277. Prosecutors say much of the drug activity

278. was headquartered at the Wild Side Tavern in Ottumwa.

279. I remember when they got arrested, I kind of wasn't really surprised really,

280. you know, for what was going on.

281. It was pretty quick through the pipes.

282. You know, small town.

283. You know, 25,000, you know.

284. Residents of this typically quiet community

285. have plenty to say about the recent drug problems

286. that have been dominating the headline.

287. I'm really glad to see the cleanup.

288. I think, you know, it's been long—

289. It's been needed.

290. The first thought in my mind is I got to get more dope, you know.

291. So that's immediately where I went,

292. "Where can I go get some dope?"

293. Because I knew it was gonna dry up real quick.

294. Officers here in Ottumwa is gonna have a lot more to handle

295. than what they think they got now.

296. According to the indictment,

297. authorities have seized the Wild Side Tavern

298. and the Stockdall's 170-acre ranch.

299. Floyd and Lori, both were charged

300. with operating a continuing criminal enterprise.

301. They were charged with possession with intent

302. to distribute methamphetamine,

303. gun violations,

304. use or carrying of a firearm

305. in furtherance of drug trafficking,

306. and money laundering.

307. Lori Arnold Stockdall and her husband, Floyd,

308. federal prosecutors allege

309. for the past six years, they ran a five-state drug ring.

310. Lori, she is a celebrity from Ottumwa

311. in a different way of being a celebrity as you can get.

312. Probably because she was Tom's sister.

313. You know, they publicized it a little bit more

314. than what they normally would have anybody else.

315. The marshals hauled me around in a van

316. and whenever we pulled up at the courthouse,

317. of course, there was cameras everywhere.

318. Media was everywhere because Tom and Roseanne were in town.

319. Lori Arnold Stockdall is the sister to Tom Arnold,

320. sister-in-law of Roseanne Arnold.

321. At that time, they were both very well-known.

322. The Roseanne Show was popular.

323. And they really showed up just in support of Lori.

324. When I was drinking and using drugs,

325. it made it easier to forget about the fact

326. that she's my little sister

327. and buy into the, "Oh, she's, you know, a drug kingpin."

328. But I've been sober for a while

329. and you can't get over seeing the picture of us three kids together

330. and I am her big brother.

331. You know, you step up for your family, you know, uh...

332. Unconditionally.

333. I was like, "What can we do?"

334. Tom and Roseanne Arnold arrived in a black stretch limo for the hearing,

335. here to support and, if necessary, testify on his sister's behalf.

336. It was in the papers and then the news

337. and everywhere and stuff.

338. Tom, just a quick question for you.

339. Do you think your sister is a threat to the community

340. like they were trying to portray her as?

341. I don't think so, no, but I...

342. Tom and Roseanne showed up to post bail.

343. The money was $400,000.

344. The prosecutor wasn't gonna have that

345. and he immediately appealed that to a district court judge.

346. We were trying to keep them in jail.

347. We didn't want them out

348. running around, threatening witnesses or whatever.

349. Who knows what they might do.

350. We prevailed in that hearing,

351. and they never got out after that.

352. She told me that they told her that I had a hand grenade

353. and was going around threatening people with a hand grenade.

354. And I was like, "Well, how am I gonna get a hand grenade, you know?"

355. And if that was true, you know,

356. the Feds would have been all over me on something like that, you know.

357. And, you know, there was absolutely no truth to that at all.

358. My lawyer told me that they were giving me 25 to life.

359. But if you take it to trial, you're gonna get life in prison.

360. And when you get life in prison in Federal, you die there.

361. He said, "So I'm suggesting, you plead guilty."

362. So I pled guilty. That's 25 years,

363. ten for continuing criminal enterprise,

364. ten for manufacturing and five for firearms.

365. She did break the law. She deserved to go to jail,

366. but she's been cooperating

367. and hopefully the government will see to its way

368. to reduce the sentence a little more so she can get out with her son.

369. Finally, we went to sentencing.

370. The judge ran two of my tenures together.

371. Because I was in county jail for over two years

372. and they're not supposed to be in county jail that long because you don't see the sun.

373. But the gun charge, they have to run consecutive after.

374. So instead of 25, I ended up getting 15.

375. They put me in Alderson, West Virginia prison.

376. The whole investigation of me for those two years,

377. I think the Feds were doing it

378. because they wanted a big bust

379. and I am Tom Arnold's sister.

380. It was in theEnquirer and it was world news.

381. They wanted Tom and Roseanne to be involved in my enterprise,

382. but they weren't.

383. It was a highly successful case

384. and ultimately we hoped to take the organization down to the degree...

385. that they're totally, completely

386. out of the methamphetamine trafficking business

387. and they are no longer a threat to that community.

388. We accomplished what we wanted to accomplish

389. and I kind of feel good about that.

390. Lori, Floyd, the whole crew, all pled guilty.

391. That's why we took our time. That's why we did it right.

392. We wanted to basically give them nowhere to turn.

393. Lori went to prison for a significant period of time.

394. We deserved to be punished.

395. No matter how you look at it, you know, because what we was doing wasn't legal.

396. You know, it was messing up lives and families and everything

397. and that's not good.

398. Lori's story is like everybody else's story

399. when they get caught up in addiction.

400. She got in probably way beyond what she expected that it was gonna be,

401. but that's addiction.

402. I didn't cry, I didn't whine, I didn't blame anybody.

403. It's not the cops' fault. It's not the Feds' fault.

404. I was the one that did it.

405. I'm just paying my debt to society, so...

406. Do the crime, do the time, you know.

407. So I just did it the best I can.

408. Yeah, you just got to do what you got to do.

409. You live your life going a certain way, you know,

410. and then something like that happens and all of a sudden it's—

411. It's 180 and it's going another way.

412. I was ten years old. My biggest thing was, you know, playing baseball.

413. Now, I got to worry about, where am I gonna live and what am I gonna do,

414. because I'm used to having my parents around.

415. I think you guys kind of realized, "Hey, we— You know, we fucked up."

416. - Yeah. - This is, you know, this is...

417. - The punishment. - Yeah.

418. We did it. We're doing our time for our crime.

419. - But I never thought it would be the extent of... - Me, neither.

420. And I was like, "Am I ever gonna see my parents again? Am I, you know..."

421. I held it together in front of the judge

422. - until I turned around and saw you crying. - Yeah.

423. I was worried that you'd hate me because I lied to you,

424. - because I told you a year and a half. - Right.

425. - And here I'm gonna be gone, you know. - Yeah.

426. I don't think I ever hated you for that and...

427. It was probably the whole situation.

428. You know, my life got flipped upside down.

429. He went through hell.

430. Yeah, when you lose both parents at the same time

431. all of a sudden, you know, I mean, it's hard to imagine.

432. I was lucky enough to have a good family.

433. My mom took him.

434. He was with her for about a year.

435. Grandma Linda, she was really nice to me.

436. She was a lot like my mom, so it was like,

437. she was laid back, easy going, always laughing, you know, cracking jokes.

438. Smoked like a chimney just like my mom.

439. And then I got a call in county jail from my stepdad

440. that my mom died.

441. I requested permission to go to my mom's funeral,

442. and the prosecuting attorney denied it.

443. That was really tough because I never got to see her again.

444. She wasn't a motherly type person, you know,

445. but, uh, I loved my mom.

446. Josh then went to live with my dad and stepmom.

447. Whatever it was like growing up with Lori,

448. Ruth made up for it by mothering Lori's child

449. and looking after Josh for years.

450. I talked to him on the phone, I wrote him,

451. send him money and candy and stuff,

452. but I didn't see him for quite a while.

453. And then when he came to West Virginia,

454. he had to be 15. He was tall.

455. His hands and feet were bigger than it should have been

456. because I knew he had more growing to do.

457. He's got to grow into that face. He was a big boy.

458. He still had the baby face, you know. He's still my baby,

459. but, yeah, it was weird.

460. When you're in prison, you're just there.

461. Nothing changes there. So I'd walk a lot.

462. And they had, you know, all kinds of different programs and stuff like that.

463. Because you got to do your time. You can't let your time do you.

464. July 2nd, 1999.

465. I was released from Alderson, West Virginia.

466. I was nine years into my sentence

467. and I appealed the gun charge

468. because when they came into my house and took all my guns,

469. I wasn't even home, so they didn't get me

470. carrying one or using one, not one.

471. So I got released from prison.

472. Josh didn't know I was released...

473. so we thought, "Well, we'll surprise him."

474. You know, I'm getting ready to start college in a month,

475. you know, and I'm thinking, "Okay. Well,

476. you know, you're getting out in five years, so..."

477. - Right. - You know, and...

478. And she comes out from behind me,

479. and she's like, "You remember me?"

480. And I'm like, I turn around and, like...

481. - It was just... - It took you a minute.

482. Yeah, it was just— It was one of those things where you see and you're like...

483. "Am I dreaming? What's going..." You know, like...

484. And then it kind of—

485. Everything kind of caught up to me and...

486. - You know, we hugged and cried and... - Yeah.

487. Yeah, it was definitely the last thing I expected, you know.

488. - Surprise! - Yeah.

489. And he goes, "Oh, my God! Oh, my God!"

490. And we just cried

491. and I hugged him, you know.

492. It was an awesome feeling.

493. I love that kid, yeah.

494. "I'm ready to change my life completely and start over.

495. I'm sober, healthy, and thinking straight these days.

496. I can't go back and change anything that happened or the things I've done.

497. All I can do is move ahead and work towards my future,

498. and I want to make it up to him somehow.

499. I'll never break a promise again."

500. All right.

501. They do this to me on purpose.

502. When I first got out, I mean, I was kind of—

503. I was scared to go anywhere

504. because I didn't want to be around drugs.

505. You know, I was trying to be on straight and narrow.

506. But then it was like, I was at my parents' house...

507. and it was like, I felt like I was still in prison.

508. So I went down and I got a job.

509. Excel Meat Packing Plant.

510. It was the same place my brother, Tom, worked when it was Hormel

511. and the same place my dad worked years ago when it was Marel.

512. And that is hard work.

513. I said, "I want you to work at the meat packing plant like I did.

514. It's the best place in town because you got to stay sober."

515. And so, she's working there.

516. Worked all day and everything,

517. but it seemed like when I got off work,

518. I didn't just want to go to Dad's house.

519. So I went to Wendy's and applied for a night job.

520. So I was doing two jobs

521. and, uh, it lasted for a little while, but it was like...

522. I just— I was missing something. I was like...

523. It wasn't me. You know, I needed something.

524. I hear she's doing well. Then, all of a sudden, I get here,

525. "Hey, she's not working there."

526. And I hear she's drinking.

527. I was like, "Oh, boy."

528. When Lori and Floyd went to prison, there weren't any drugs for a while.

529. Just slowed it down a little bit, but then it picked right back up.

530. There was no way you were gonna keep people sober

531. once meth came into town.

532. It didn't matter if Floyd and Lori went to jail,

533. you know, it wasn't dry long.

534. You know, some of my friends were still doing meth.

535. This gal came up and asked if I knew anybody that wanted some

536. because she was trying to sell something.

537. I said, "Okay." Like, I'm gonna make a quick 50 bucks.

538. So I did that and then I think it was the next night,

539. she was back in there and I got more

540. and it just took off again so quick.

541. I think my daughter peed for a few times

542. and she was getting away with that,

543. like, you know, sneaking in, using my daughter's pee,

544. which my daughter was okay with that

545. because she was making $5 a drop.

546. That was a lot of money to her back then.

547. I bought another bar. I bought another house.

548. I bought new vehicles.

549. And I started getting back into pounds and stuff.

550. It was kinda like, "Oh, my goodness!

551. What are you doing, girl?" You know?

552. She just got out of prison and I come back from Des Moines

553. and all of a sudden, she bought the fucking place

554. - right across from Breadeaux Pizza. - There was a big board.

555. There was a big fucking board, right on the corner...

556. I'm like, "Fuck, this is like walking into the wilds tonight times ten."

557. - I was trying to recapture all the fun I had... - Right.

558. in the past, you know, so...

559. And all I was thinking was money.

560. I didn't care about the drugs because I wasn't doing them, you know.

561. Money is the root of all evil.

562. - Oh, shut the hell up. - Yeah, it is.

563. I get a call from one of the Federal guys

564. who's like, "Okay, she's dealing drugs again."

565. I was like, "Oh, shit!"

566. "But if you get her to quit, uh, right away,

567. we're not gonna bust her again."

568. So I fly to town and I pull her aside

569. and I said, "Lori, they know you're dealing drugs.

570. If you stop right now,

571. you're not gonna get busted."

572. And she's like, "Mind your own fucking business."

573. I was getting ready to go to the casino.

574. I was taking my friend, Lisa.

575. So I said, "I'll pick you up in a minute."

576. But this guy wanted to buy a whole pound,

577. so I'm gonna drop the whole pound off first...

578. and then go pick Lisa up.

579. So he said, "Well, let's just meet at Walmart parking lot." I'm like, "All right."

580. And he pulled up next to me and he gets the money out, you know,

581. and I've got the dope

582. and I just kind of look up real quick

583. and I see these guys running up behind me

584. with guns drawn and everything.

585. I'm like, "Shit!"

586. They grabbed the doorknob and opened it up

587. and had guns in my face.

588. So I didn't say a word.

589. There we go.

590. It was over.

591. I felt like an idiot doing it the second time.

592. First time, you know, I thought I had a purpose

593. or reason or goal or something,

594. but second time is just—

595. Just stupid.

596. I don't know where her head was the second time.

597. But, of course, once again I was kind of like,

598. now we're hanging out with her again, you know,

599. so I'm not right either.

600. I got sober September 22nd, 1995,

601. and I've been sober ever since.

602. I thought when she got out of prison,

603. she would go to meetings, I would go to meetings,

604. we'd hang out and we'd rebuild our lives together

605. and that's really what I thought would happen and it didn't, you know.

606. I wasn't surprised that she went back to prison.

607. I was sad for her, sad for Josh.

608. There's still a lot of pain.

609. I am sorry for what I've done.

610. I'm sorry that it's ruined people's lives.

611. I'm sorry that, you know, that people even kept doing it

612. even after they've seen everything go down

613. and long prison sentences for people

614. and they still didn't stop,

615. but their kids are starting to grow up and their kids are getting into it.

616. And I didn't see that because I was away.

617. - Right. - I was locked up.

618. So I didn't realize it was going on.

619. So, you know, I feel guilty about people's kids.

620. Your kid, I feel guilty about that.

621. Yeah, he's been off and on doing it for—

622. God, he was probably 17.

623. I didn't know he'd been smoking weed since he was 11.

624. Then when I got sober,

625. he started drinking and tripping on acid and shit.

626. And started doing meth. And, man...

627. It's been— My whole recovery has been Dustin using meth,

628. my niece using meth,

629. my grandkids all fucked up because of meth.

630. - It's like, you know, I've never got away from it. - Right.

631. You know, it hits close to home when your good friend's kid

632. turned to drugs and got in trouble with the law and stuff like that,

633. it makes you realize that it can't just be him,

634. it's got to be a lot of the other kids of,

635. you know, the parents who were buying drugs

636. from me or my suppliers.

637. So, yeah, it puts a different spin on things.

638. I'm not the only child who was seriously neglected,

639. who had trauma happen to me

640. due to the neglect of my mother from meth.

641. The first time I ever did meth, I was 12.

642. And where did that meth come from?

643. It came from Lori and Floyd.

644. My parents loved their drugs just as much as they loved their children.

645. We were put in bad places and were around bad people.

646. And I sincerely feel that I was robbed of my childhood.

647. The town lost a whole bunch of parents at the same time.

648. It wasn't just Lori, a bunch of people went to prison there in her town

649. and really a generation of kids ended up being raised by their grandparents,

650. all over the whole country.

651. Well, I feel bad because I have a half-brother,

652. my mom had him when she was 41.

653. He looked up to me, you know, and he's a drug addict to this day.

654. He's got congestive heart failure now.

655. He's 36 years old and they won't—

656. They won't do anything for him because he's a drug addict,

657. so it's like I led him down the way wrong path, you know.

658. I should have been a better sister, you know.

659. - My little brother died this August 3rd. - Really?

660. - Yeah. - From meth?

661. Yeah, they found a meth pipe in his pocket,

662. put him on the streets of Arizona, you know.

663. Yes. That's a devastating drug.

664. It is. It's very devastating, you know,

665. and he always wanted to be like me.

666. And I always told him to stop and then he moved to Arizona.

667. It's like it really makes you feel like everything—

668. Everything's forever good.

669. You have no worries, no cares in the world. Yep.

670. Your world could be falling around with you

671. and as long as you got fucking high, you're good.

672. fucked up idea of life that's supposed to be easy.

673. That's why you close out your family and everything else

674. because you don't do those things.

675. But I was introduced to meth just shortly before everybody else was,

676. so I didn't know the drug either, you know.

677. The first time I tried it, like, "Well, it's pretty good, you know. I'm feeling it."

678. So I want my friends to share it with me.

679. It wasn't like I want to go get everybody addicted

680. and ruin their fucking lives.

681. You know, that wasn't a plan. You don't think about that.

682. No, you never think about the bad.

683. When I got arrested the second time,

684. uh, I did six years.

685. My Josh, we are smiles, we are hugs, we love each other,

686. but we've got a distance that we never had before.

687. It's because I lied.

688. You know, I've made him promises that I didn't keep

689. and I got back into it and...

690. Here I go again type of thing, so...

691. The first time it was, you know, sadness probably.

692. You know, because, you know,

693. I loved spending time with you and dad.

694. And having that taken away is, you know...

695. It's probably, I would say, sadness more than anything.

696. But the second time was anger.

697. I was an addict, you know.

698. I didn't know I was an addict.

699. I was just wanting to go back to the good times,

700. the fun memories, the...

701. You know, what I remember because you're trying to hold in the good.

702. - You know what I'm saying? - Oh, yeah.

703. And nothing about the bad.

704. So I was just trying to relive that more

705. and I wasn't really thinking the drugs themselves,

706. it was more the money.

707. I just wasn't making enough money to cover anything.

708. And, yeah, and then I went back again.

709. I think that's the issue, you know.

710. I'd like to have a nice thing, you know,

711. but I would rather live under a bridge than sell drugs, you know.

712. There's good money and there's easy money.

713. Easy money usually isn't good money, you know. It's just...

714. - It's not really that easy either. - Yeah.

715. Floyd died in Leavenworth of a heart attack.

716. He was afraid to appeal the gun charge,

717. so he was finishing his sentence.

718. He had six months left.

719. We kept in contact. We wrote,

720. you know, each other and I sent him money.

721. But when we got arrested,

722. we was in court one day, he looked at me,

723. he goes, "I'm not gonna make it out of here alive."

724. He knew he wasn't gonna do it.

725. I came to peace with the whole situation probably a long time ago.

726. Probably maybe even earlier than maybe I should have, you know.

727. And maybe there's lingering effects that's, you know, that's—

728. That's stored deep down, you know, away.

729. As a ten-year-old, I had to grow up a lot faster

730. than other people, you know, and...

731. You all right?

732. I shouldn't have had to grow up that fast

733. and, you know...

734. And it was your job.

735. It was you guys' job to make sure that I was okay

736. and, you know, there's part of me that, you know,

737. may resent that

738. because you didn't do your job.

739. I don't know. It kind of is what it is, you know.

740. You know, man, and my biggest thing is,

741. you know, I got, as weird as it sounds,

742. I got lucky because you're here, you know,

743. but then I only had a dad for ten years.

744. You know, he died in prison.

745. A lot of people, you know, they're like,

746. "Well, what, you don't have any regrets? You don't have remorse?"

747. I said, "You know, my biggest one

748. and the one that gets me every time is you, what I did to you."

749. I mean, I would love to have a close family, you know, close dinners,

750. be with my kid all the time, talk on the phone,

751. do this and that like normal families do.

752. There's nothing normal about any of our families as far as that goes.

753. Yeah. I'd say so.

754. But I love you more than anything in the world.

755. And I love you, too. I just...

756. And I got lucky because you don't hate me and you should.

757. - Yeah. - Well, you know, what I did to you.

758. Yeah, he's the only one that really brings emotions out in me.

759. You know, like I said, I don't show emotion.

760. It makes me feel weak.

761. And I don't like anybody seeing me weak or vulnerable.

762. I'm embarrassed of my own self with him,

763. so my guilt keeps me away from him a lot of times, you know.

764. I think now that, you know, I got my shit together a little bit,

765. I've got a good job and everything,

766. nice little house, you know.

767. I'm doing it the right way, which I should have done

768. - years ago. - Yeah.

769. - I just didn't see how I could in Ottumwa. - Yeah.

770. Because I didn't have an education, you know.

771. So if I'd have to go back and change something,

772. - I'd have to go way back. - Right.

773. You know, to ten, 11 years old,

774. the age you were, you know,

775. because, you know, my life's been screwed up ever since.

776. But— It took me 60 years...

777. - Yeah. - You know,

778. but I'm still alive and kicking.

779. So, yeah, this time I think I can keep that promise now.

780. - Yeah, I hope so. - Yeah.

781. The Stockdall name has been so bad for so long.

782. I've never done drugs. I've always had a job,

783. a legal job, you know. I have a college degree.

784. So, if I can take that name and make it

785. totally different from what it was 30 years ago,

786. I think I'm doing okay.

787. She's a survivor, man.

788. As we're sitting right here, I'm talking about her,

789. this is about her.

790. Her son's sober, her son's never done drugs,

791. and her son's happily married to a really great woman.

792. It's pretty good, man.

793. When I got out of prison, 2007,

794. I just didn't want to go back

795. because I knew I'd be dragged right back in because, you know,

796. familiar places, familiar people, blah, blah, blah.

797. My brother out there in Arizona told me, "Come out here."

798. I lived there for quite a few years where I met my fiance

799. and he asked if I'd be interested in coming home with him.

800. And I ended up in Sandusky, Ohio.

801. I think she's paid her dues, you know.

802. She can never repay a lot of the mistakes that happened

803. but she doesn't do it now, you know.

804. What she did in her past is not the Lori that I know.

805. Monday, I go back to my job

806. and my now normal life.

807. I used to brag all the time about the good time,

808. but coming back and actually seeing it

809. and seeing the town

810. and seeing people still on drugs after all these years,

811. I have a lot of regrets.

812. The Queen of Meth title, it's not something to be proud of,

813. but it's something I'll never get away from.

814. I got out from prison,

815. but I'm doing pretty much a life sentence for selling drugs.