1. Welcome! Good evening!Copy !req
2. Good evening, good evening,
good evening, good evening.Copy !req
3. Welcome to QI.Copy !req
4. Tonight, we're fathoming the future,Copy !req
5. festooned with a fellowship of
far-seeing forecasters.Copy !req
6. We have the Wily Wizard of Woking
himself, Sean Lock!Copy !req
7. Thank you.Copy !req
8. And we have the prognosticating
Archdruid of Port Talbot,Copy !req
9. Rob Brydon!Copy !req
10. And we are so honoured with our
next guest, Ben Miller,Copy !req
11. who had a crack at a PhDCopy !req
12. in novel quantum effects
in Quasi-Zero Dimensional
Mesoscopic Electrical Systems!Copy !req
13. Wow!Copy !req
14. And Alan Davies,
who has also come along.Copy !req
15. Let's have a foretaste of your
futuristic fingerings. Sean goes...Copy !req
16. Rob goes...Copy !req
17. Ben goes...Copy !req
18. And Alan goes...Copy !req
19. Thank you.Copy !req
20. Great. So, the future begins... now!Copy !req
21. Alan, what do you do?Copy !req
22. Nothing. Wha...? Oh!Copy !req
23. There is no such thing as nothing,Copy !req
24. on any level has there ever been
discovered to be such a thing
as nothing.Copy !req
25. Sitting, holding my pen.
So many things.Copy !req
26. Exactly. It's impossible to do
and think nothing.Copy !req
27. There is no such thing as nothing.Copy !req
28. Exactly. Physics tells us there's no
such thing as nothing, as well.Copy !req
29. Does it? In what way?Copy !req
30. Elementary particles become created
and annihilated in the vacuum,Copy !req
31. so nothingness is really
a swarm of elementary particles.Copy !req
32. But also, there's considered to be a
field permeating the whole of spaceCopy !req
33. called the Higgs field, which
gives elementary particles mass.Copy !req
34. Ah, yes...Copy !req
35. This is the thing,Copy !req
36. - And the Higgs field...
- Heard it!Copy !req
37. For the Higgs field to exist,
we need a Higgs boson. Yes...Copy !req
38. And we've built a huge hadron
collider, colliding huge beams
of protons together,Copy !req
39. at CERN, in Switzerland,
to detect the Higgs boson.Copy !req
40. You are the best supply teacher
we have ever had.Copy !req
41. That is fabulous.Copy !req
42. Even if you
don't believe in the Higgs Field,Copy !req
43. gravity operates in a vacuum,
does it not?Copy !req
44. This is a really interesting thing.Copy !req
45. There are four...Copy !req
46. We are interested!Copy !req
47. No, don't worry, Ben.
This is me looking interested.Copy !req
48. This is actually really,
really interesting. There are...Copy !req
49. There are four known forces
in the universe. Right, gravity...Copy !req
50. Gravity, electromagnetism,
the nuclear strong force,Copy !req
51. which holds nucleii together,Copy !req
52. and the nuclear weak force,
which causes radioactivity.Copy !req
53. Now, the nuclear weak force,
the nuclear strong force,Copy !req
54. and the electromagnetism are
all of a similar strength... Right.Copy !req
55. But gravity is incredibly weak.Copy !req
56. You can see that by,
a fridge magnet can hold
a pin using electromagnetism,Copy !req
57. and defeat the whole force
of the earth pulling down on it.Copy !req
58. And one of the things they think
is that our three, four dimensions,Copy !req
59. if you like, are actually part of
a much bigger space.Copy !req
60. And gravity permeates all these
other dimensions,Copy !req
61. they think ten in total,
which means that it becomes weakenedCopy !req
62. by a corresponding amount.Copy !req
63. You disagree? I'm sorry, but I
have to depart from that theory!Copy !req
64. There's one theory,
though, is there not,Copy !req
65. that all matter has its
corresponding antimatter.Copy !req
66. And I can't help but look at
you, Ben, and you, Rob, and see...Copy !req
67. Isn't that weird?Copy !req
68. Never been seen
in the same room before.Copy !req
69. Ah, now you're so close,
won't some awful thing happen?Copy !req
70. Well, we can't actually touch.Copy !req
71. Let's check...Copy !req
72. Whoa! Whoa!Copy !req
73. Whoa! Whoa!Copy !req
74. It is phenomenal. I mean,
there are a lot of horse-faced
people in the world...Copy !req
75. Sorry! No. But it is remarkable.Copy !req
76. No. Neigh, indeed!Copy !req
77. What would happen if they put
you two in the Hadron ColliderCopy !req
78. and send you underneath
the ground in Switzerland
and impact you?Copy !req
79. That would be brilliant. You'd get
the finest comedian in the world.Copy !req
80. Black hole would result.Copy !req
81. They're gonna suck Switzerland
into the ground, leaving
nothing but chocolate.Copy !req
82. Well, I thank you for that.
It's an honour and a pleasure,Copy !req
83. if I may say, Ben Miller,
to have someoneCopy !req
84. who knows what they're
talking about on this programme.Copy !req
85. We're very pleased
for the heads-upCopy !req
86. on what's going on in
particle physics.Copy !req
87. What's so good is, there'll be a
number of viewers thinking,Copy !req
88. "That Rob Brydon
knows a lot about science!"Copy !req
89. It's a win-win.
It's true! It's true!Copy !req
90. Anyway, there is no such thing as
nothing, arguably, anyway.Copy !req
91. On the other hand,
if you want to disagree,Copy !req
92. there's nothing to stop you!Copy !req
93. Now... You may not know that,
amazingly,Copy !req
94. nothing in the laws of physics
forbids time travel.Copy !req
95. But if this is the case,
where are all the time travellers?Copy !req
96. She could do so much better
than him.Copy !req
97. He looks absolutely shocked
to be with her, doesn't he?Copy !req
98. "I can't believe my luck!"Copy !req
99. There's a thing known as the
Grandfather Paradox,Copy !req
100. that if you could travel
in time, could you shoot
your own grandfather?Copy !req
101. Obviously, you couldn't, cos the
person killing your grandfather,Copy !req
102. once he's dead, you could never have
existed and can't have killed him.Copy !req
103. But there is a belief also that the
very thing you were talking about,Copy !req
104. the Large Hadron Collider, might
initiate the word of time travel,Copy !req
105. because there are people who think
time travel may be possible
in the future.Copy !req
106. But, like telephones, you can't
have one, you have to have
someone else with one.Copy !req
107. And in the future, if they have
any access to time travel,Copy !req
108. they need first something on earth
to have been built,Copy !req
109. like the Large Hadron Collider,Copy !req
110. which might well cause
wormholes to existCopy !req
111. that would allow people in the
future to connect.Copy !req
112. I was there two weeks ago.
Really?Copy !req
113. Yeah. Very exciting.Copy !req
114. That was one hell of an anniversary
for you and Mrs Miller, wasn't it?Copy !req
115. My objection to all this physics,
this level of physics,Copy !req
116. is that you can't explain it to,Copy !req
117. let's call us, not...
Just ordinary people.Copy !req
118. You could actually be making it up.Copy !req
119. Until it makes machines work.
That's the point.Copy !req
120. When Faraday talked about
electricity and magnetism,
it didn't make sense,Copy !req
121. but suddenly somebody makes an
electricity generator,Copy !req
122. suddenly you've got lights,
you've got television,Copy !req
123. people can talk about quantum
P states and N states,Copy !req
124. and suddenly you've
got a computer to go,Copy !req
125. "Ahem, I think you'll find...!"
I was the same with the leaf blower.Copy !req
126. Someone said to me, "One day you
won't have to rake up the leaves."Copy !req
127. I said, "You are living in
cloud cuckoo land, mate."Copy !req
128. Enough time travelling for now, if
that's not a contradiction in terms.Copy !req
129. So, the future, of course,
is obvious with hindsight.Copy !req
130. But now it's time to poke
predictable fun at peopleCopy !req
131. who are foolhardy enough
to make forecastsCopy !req
132. and have the misfortune
to get them hopelessly wrong.Copy !req
133. So, fingers on buzzers, please.Copy !req
134. In 1955, Variety Magazine
predicted thatCopy !req
135. WHAT would be, I quote,
"gone before June"?Copy !req
136. Yes, Rob.Copy !req
137. May.Copy !req
138. Oh!Copy !req
139. Aside from everything else,
I said they predicted WRONGLY...Copy !req
140. You made me look a fool.Copy !req
141. No, you did that!Copy !req
142. Ho-ho! Television.Copy !req
143. Television is not...
But you're much... Cinema.Copy !req
144. It's an F show. Frisps.Copy !req
145. I'll tell you what it was...
Remember them?Copy !req
146. I'll tell you what it was.
If it was '55, it was Elvis Presley.Copy !req
147. Wider... Rock'n'roll.
That's the right answer.Copy !req
148. Yes, they did say that.
Don't look so stupid now, do I?Copy !req
149. Not QUITE so stupid, Rob, no.Copy !req
150. You don't.
But all things are relative.Copy !req
151. Yes, it was rock'n'roll.
Now, in 1977 Ken Olsen saidCopy !req
152. there is no reason for
any individualCopy !req
153. to have a WHAT in their home?Copy !req
154. Butler.Copy !req
155. No! It's outmoded, unnecessary...
Japanese prisoner of war.Copy !req
156. Again, wonderful try, but no.
No need for it.Copy !req
157. He, if I may say,
was the chairman of DEC,Copy !req
158. the Digital Equipment Company.Copy !req
159. A computer. Exactly.
Oh, he was wrong. He was very wrong.Copy !req
160. I know quite a few people
who've got one.Copy !req
161. Yes, these days, they're very
much the coming thing, I believe.Copy !req
162. Some of these whizz kids, eh?Copy !req
163. Oh!Copy !req
164. In 1955, what nuclear-powered
device did Alex Lewyt predictCopy !req
165. would be a reality within ten years?Copy !req
166. TV remote.Copy !req
167. No, but as daft, really.Copy !req
168. Hover boots.Copy !req
169. Yeah, that is the invention
that everybody always says.Copy !req
170. My son has said, "Dad, will there
be hover boots when I'm grown up?"Copy !req
171. Like that is the height of
scientific and technological
advancement,Copy !req
172. and Ben now is gonna talk
for a little while about...Copy !req
173. The possibility...
Just how possible it is!Copy !req
174. Hover gloves I'd like.Copy !req
175. It's not hover gloves.Copy !req
176. Surely you can
do your own hovering!Copy !req
177. You're doing it in fact!
It's not a hover thing,Copy !req
178. but it is a domestic appliance...
Electric toothbrush.Copy !req
179. .. that we thought would be nuclear
powered. Not an electric toothbrush.Copy !req
180. Fridge. Hoover.Copy !req
181. Hoover, yes!
Electric vacuum cleaner.Copy !req
182. He honestly thought
in 1955 that within ten yearsCopy !req
183. there'd be a nuclear-powered one.Copy !req
184. They had vacuum cleaners in
America in the 19th century
and they were huge.Copy !req
185. They had to go on a cart
drawn by horses.Copy !req
186. I remember seeing that on a
programme called QI.Copy !req
187. Yeah. Well done.Copy !req
188. But well remembered.Copy !req
189. It goes in somewhere!Copy !req
190. It clearly does, yeah!Copy !req
191. Well, the nuclear-powered
domestic vacuum cleaner.Copy !req
192. But not everybody gets it wrong.Copy !req
193. A few remarkable people
shape the future by being
the very first in their field,Copy !req
194. men like St Ambrose,
the 4th-century Bishop of Milan.Copy !req
195. What did St Augustine of Hippo
catch St Ambrose doingCopy !req
196. that had never been
done before in public,Copy !req
197. but which nearly all of us
now can do?Copy !req
198. Was he using his mobile
in a crowded compartment?Copy !req
199. Because we all do it,
let's be honest.Copy !req
200. Even when we see the sign saying,
"This is mobile-free."Copy !req
201. You still kind of think
it doesn't apply to you.Copy !req
202. I don't, actually. I don't.Copy !req
203. No, I think it's just you, Rob.Copy !req
204. Well, when I do it,
people think it's you.Copy !req
205. Anyway. No, it's like a
party trick thingy, it seemed it.Copy !req
206. But we can all do it,
it seems natural to us.Copy !req
207. But it was just not done.
And it involved reading.Copy !req
208. Did his lips move?
His lips did NOT move, is the point.Copy !req
209. He was the first person, it seems,
in post-classical times,Copy !req
210. who could read
without moving his lips.Copy !req
211. I know! It's very odd!Copy !req
212. It seems so natural to us, but,
as children do,Copy !req
213. when they first read, they read
out loud and then their lips move,Copy !req
214. and that had never stopped,
and St Ambrose...Copy !req
215. Presumably, if you could read you
wanted to show off the fact.Copy !req
216. There's an element of that.
He did the opposite.Copy !req
217. This is what St Augustine
wrote in his confessions.Copy !req
218. "When Ambrose read,
his eyes scanned the pageCopy !req
219. "and his heart sought out
the meaning,Copy !req
220. "but his voice was silent
and his tongue was still.Copy !req
221. "Anyone could approach him
freely and guests were
not commonly announcedCopy !req
222. "so that often when we came to visit
we found him reading in silence.Copy !req
223. "For he never read aloud."Copy !req
224. He was obviously astonished, it
was considered a remarkable trick.Copy !req
225. I sort of think of myself as
a man of limited talents,Copy !req
226. and I just wish that I'd
been around then.Copy !req
227. I would have blown them away!Copy !req
228. I can read whole books like this!Copy !req
229. But I have to say they
would have been in Latin.Copy !req
230. That's where I would
have fallen down.Copy !req
231. But you could have given them
your Ronnie Corbett impression,Copy !req
232. which goes...Copy !req
233. It's not the one about the chapCopy !req
234. that reads the book
without moving his lips.Copy !req
235. Very good!Copy !req
236. They might have burned you
as a witch but they'd have
been impressed.Copy !req
237. A common theme of science
fiction B-movies set in the futureCopy !req
238. is robot invasions.Copy !req
239. But, has Britain ever
actually been invaded by robots?Copy !req
240. Ooh, I'm guessing they have.
Yes, they have. And when?Copy !req
241. Er, '40s.Copy !req
242. 1880s. '40s is the right answer.Copy !req
243. I'm afraid the point there
goes to young Alan.Copy !req
244. Was it the Germans? The Germans.Copy !req
245. Had to be. The doodlebug.
The doodlebug and the buzz bombs.Copy !req
246. The V1 and V2.Copy !req
247. The point is not just that we're
saying they are a kind of robots,Copy !req
248. they were CALLED robots.Copy !req
249. They were called robotsCopy !req
250. more than they were called
doodlebugs in the '40s.Copy !req
251. In as much as they were publicly
called anything,Copy !req
252. because they were more or less
banned to be discussed,Copy !req
253. the British authorities
were terrified of letting
the Germans knowCopy !req
254. how successful or otherwise
the V1 and V2 were.Copy !req
255. When the V2 landed on Chingford
Plain, it was widely discussed.Copy !req
256. Oh, it would be.Copy !req
257. But the point is,
not in the newspapers.Copy !req
258. You ask, has Britain
been invaded by robots?Copy !req
259. If you wanted to answer that
question in a satirical manner,Copy !req
260. that took a swipe at
modern life in Britain...Copy !req
261. Go on! you'd say we're
in the process of it now,Copy !req
262. and those robots are the bloody call
centres that we have to put up with.Copy !req
263. Oh!Copy !req
264. So my answer is yes,
and it's happening now.Copy !req
265. You should be a standup comedian.Copy !req
266. Or, Rob, on an
equally satirical note,Copy !req
267. the bloody cameras that take
photographs of us everywhere we goCopy !req
268. and send us, electronically,
summons and fines.Copy !req
269. More cameras than any other time,
and any country in Europe,Copy !req
270. and yet we can't catch
anybody who kills somebody!Copy !req
271. The Acton Bowling Club!
Why is nobody ever murdered
in front of a camera?Copy !req
272. A couple of mad old men moaning
about the state of Britain...Copy !req
273. I agree with you.
I like you. I like you.Copy !req
274. I listen to you,
it's like listening to me! Yeah!Copy !req
275. I like your attitude. Yeah, yeah!Copy !req
276. They're going to fuse into one
horrifying Rob Miller.Copy !req
277. This is like a sort of Siamese twin.Copy !req
278. We're quite keen to
have the operationCopy !req
279. but obviously we're not sure how
we'd get on without each other.Copy !req
280. Mmm. All right. Er...Copy !req
281. Oh, Christ!Copy !req
282. Oh!Copy !req
283. Oh!Copy !req
284. Oh!Copy !req
285. Whoa! That's what it's like!Copy !req
286. I can see the attraction.Copy !req
287. Now I know why my wife married me.
Yeah!Copy !req
288. That was good! Goddamn!Copy !req
289. Just horrible!Copy !req
290. Right, thank you.Copy !req
291. You can make up for it by telling
me where the word robot comes from.Copy !req
292. Where do we get the word robot from?
I can't get that out of my head.Copy !req
293. We get the word robotic
from the word robot!Copy !req
294. Yeah, take the "IC" off robotic,
you've got robot.Copy !req
295. It comes from the dance, Stephen.Copy !req
296. This dance.Copy !req
297. Something you can shout at a
machine it's got a chance of
understanding?Copy !req
298. Interesting thought, no.
Like, "You robot!"Copy !req
299. Whereas if it was called a
quark assimulater fassamisilator,Copy !req
300. it might not pick up
how angry you are.Copy !req
301. It must be an acronym, right?Copy !req
302. It's not, it's from
a Slavic word, robota,Copy !req
303. meaning a drudge,
slave worker, a labourer.Copy !req
304. Ah, like a drone. And it was from
a play by a man called Karel CapekCopy !req
305. in 1920, called
Rossum's Universal Robots.Copy !req
306. That's when it was first used.
But now, back to the future.Copy !req
307. What will be the language
of the future here on earth?Copy !req
308. Well, if it carries on the way it
is, it'll be the sort of hoodiesCopy !req
309. that Ben and I are so
firmly against.Copy !req
310. Kind of like talking like this,Copy !req
311. everybody is gonna talk like that,Copy !req
312. and that's gonna be the way
of the future.Copy !req
313. It don't matter
where you come from.Copy !req
314. You's gonna talk like that...Copy !req
315. Which I hate.Copy !req
316. I think you all guessed that!
Yeah! Yeah.Copy !req
317. Oh, dear.Copy !req
318. Is it gonna be Mandarin or Spanish?
Interesting thought.Copy !req
319. Oh, is it a trick qu...?
Is it binary?Copy !req
320. No, it's not, though you have a
picture on there.Copy !req
321. It's generally thought
to be English,Copy !req
322. but a certain kind of English.Copy !req
323. As many as 80% of the people...Copy !req
324. Is this gonna be,
it's like, kind of, English?Copy !req
325. No!Copy !req
326. Kind of like English?
That sort of like English?Copy !req
327. Cos I hate that. I hate that too.Copy !req
328. No, apparently as many
as 80% of peopleCopy !req
329. who speak English do not speak
English as their first language.Copy !req
330. They're speaking it with other
people for whom it is their
second or third language.Copy !req
331. And the one that seems to be growing
is a thing called Panglish,Copy !req
332. I.e., "pan" English,
a kind of everyman English.Copy !req
333. There's a version which is spoken
by a lot of people called Singlish,Copy !req
334. which is a mixture of
English, Chinese and Malay.Copy !req
335. Singaporean equivalent to Franglais.Copy !req
336. See if you can see
what these words mean.Copy !req
337. Layleo. Written as two words,
it's actually one. L-A-Y-L-E-O.Copy !req
338. Instructions for Mrs Sayer.
No, it's just radio.Copy !req
339. You're not on Clue now!Copy !req
340. Very good! No, it's radio. "Layleo."Copy !req
341. Layleo? That's just bad!Copy !req
342. That's a child, "Layleo."
"Well done!"Copy !req
343. He's speaking Panglish, you know!Copy !req
344. No, he hasn't learned to speak!Copy !req
345. Lolex. A Rolex watch.Copy !req
346. Exactly! That's rubbish!Copy !req
347. Orleng tzu. O-R-L-E-N-G, T-Z-U.Copy !req
348. See you soon.Copy !req
349. No, actually it's a drink. "I have
glass of orleng tzu." Orange juice.Copy !req
350. Orleng tzu. If you go to Singapore
and say, "orleng tzu",Copy !req
351. they give you an orange juice.Copy !req
352. They really must try harder.Copy !req
353. English has evolved. I mean, a Saxon
or an Angle would hear us and go,Copy !req
354. "What have they done with our
language? They must try harder."Copy !req
355. Cos we've evolved it
into what we call English.Copy !req
356. They'll do it into what
will be their language.Copy !req
357. That's after they've said,
"What are you wearing?"Copy !req
358. But there are more sensible ones.
Esperanto.Copy !req
359. That was invented, wasn't it?
An entirely invented language.Copy !req
360. Apparently because
it's so easy to learn,Copy !req
361. only 900 words and
has no irregular verbs,Copy !req
362. it takes you a year less to learn
to speak another language
reasonably fluently.Copy !req
363. So in that sense it's quite useful.Copy !req
364. Here's an example.
What am I saying? Saluton.Copy !req
365. Saluton? Hello. Greetings.
Yes. What could be easier than that?Copy !req
366. Cu vi parolas Esperanton?
Quidditch.Copy !req
367. Do you speak - Cu vi,
do you have Esperanto words?Copy !req
368. But this is... Mia kusenveturilo
estas plena da angiloj.Copy !req
369. My cousin is a meerkat
of strange angles.Copy !req
370. No, you can work this out.
Angiloj? No, nothing. Eel.Copy !req
371. In most romance languages
that's an eel. Eel, is it?Copy !req
372. Kusenveturilo... Jellied eels?Copy !req
373. Peter Cushing, the Hammer Horrors?Copy !req
374. Cushion vehicle... Eel cushion?Copy !req
375. Hovercraft.Copy !req
376. Yeah,
"My hovercraft is full of eels."Copy !req
377. Seriously? Yes!Copy !req
378. I thought you were
a bit cross with me thenCopy !req
379. and you were saying that to move on.Copy !req
380. No, that's what it is in Esperanto.Copy !req
381. That's enough of that.
The language of the future
looks like being Panglish,Copy !req
382. and we'll only
understand it if we're lucky.Copy !req
383. Now, it is possible to imagine a
future in which there will be no
war and no povertyCopy !req
384. but I confidently predict there
will always be general ignorance.Copy !req
385. So fingers on buzzers, please.Copy !req
386. Now, picture the scene.Copy !req
387. I'm out windsurfing,Copy !req
388. the breeze is ruffling
my tousled, sun-bleached hair,Copy !req
389. I look up and I see on the
horizon a ship. How far away is it?Copy !req
390. 21 miles.Copy !req
391. No. I thought it was
always 21 miles.Copy !req
392. No. They didn't even get
flagged for that.Copy !req
393. No. I didn't know that anybody
always thought that it was 21 miles.Copy !req
394. How far away is the horizon?Copy !req
395. That's the point. I'll tell Ben
the formula for working it out,Copy !req
396. and he'll tell you very quickly.Copy !req
397. It's very straightforward.
Let's assume I am 6ft tall,Copy !req
398. I'm actually a bit taller.Copy !req
399. The distance in milesCopy !req
400. is approximately the square root
of one-and-a-half times
your height in feet.Copy !req
401. That depends how low your
eyes are, though, doesn't it?Copy !req
402. Three miles.
Three miles is the right answer!Copy !req
403. Well done.Copy !req
404. It's a lot closer than you think.Copy !req
405. If you're standing at sea levelCopy !req
406. the normal horizon is only
about three miles away.Copy !req
407. Back home now.Copy !req
408. What kind of weather kills more
people in Britain than any other?Copy !req
409. Bad weather.Copy !req
410. Wind. It's wind. Not wind.Copy !req
411. Oh, uh-oh! Oh, dear.Copy !req
412. Oh, bugger. Is it rockets?Copy !req
413. They come down like weather.Copy !req
414. Sort of. Snow. No. Hail?Copy !req
415. No! Fog. Heat wave...
Fog is the right answer!Copy !req
416. Finally! Well done. Fog. Because of
road traffic accidents, I'm afraid.Copy !req
417. Do you want me to
explain fog to you, Ben?Copy !req
418. What happens is...Copy !req
419. Everybody has been asleep,
right, for quite a long time.Copy !req
420. So all their breath gathers up.Copy !req
421. And they'd left a little window open
and it all goes out and that collectsCopy !req
422. in the valley all together.Copy !req
423. And it gets blown around by
the lorries driving up and down.Copy !req
424. Are you still with me?Copy !req
425. I like it. Do you know the
difference between fog and mist?Copy !req
426. There is an official difference?
Is it the height?Copy !req
427. No, it's actually the density.Copy !req
428. Mist is watery, isn't it?
Fog is visibility of lessCopy !req
429. than one kilometre, while mist
is usually between one and two.Copy !req
430. Cos in mist, you can be seen
in a mac, whereas in fogCopy !req
431. they can't see you at all.Copy !req
432. You're safe, step back in,
you're gone.Copy !req
433. It's interesting that
you think of fog,Copy !req
434. as a way of hiding yourself.Copy !req
435. So you can go about your
beastly business unobserved.Copy !req
436. It's not beastly, I'm just
putting stickers on things.Copy !req
437. Oh! It's you!Copy !req
438. Yeah. Putting silly stickers on
people's faces. Nothing pervy.Copy !req
439. A bit of chewing gum over Cameron
Diaz's eye. Anything, cheers me up.Copy !req
440. Smog of course is an
urban phenomenon, smoke and fog.Copy !req
441. Sulphur dioxide and fog
mixing together.Copy !req
442. The last really bad one in London
was in 1952 and lasted four days.Copy !req
443. How many people did it kill,
roughly?Copy !req
444. 256. No.Copy !req
445. They all died fairly
roughly, didn't they?Copy !req
446. It was 12,000 people, in four
days, killed by the smog of 1952.Copy !req
447. This hurried in the clean air
and smokeless zones.Copy !req
448. In London now fog is pretty
rare, to be honest, isn't it?Copy !req
449. But I was in, last week, one of
the Hawaiian islands, in Honolulu.Copy !req
450. Hawa-I-I-I.Copy !req
451. They don't have fog, they have...
do you know what they call it?Copy !req
452. It's not smog or fog.Copy !req
453. Sun. No.Copy !req
454. They have lots of that.
But they have...Copy !req
455. Is it alo-hog?Copy !req
456. It's vog. Why vog? The Jewish
people have moved there.Copy !req
457. Vog, what do I care, I can't see it.Copy !req
458. Look at you, you can't
see him, I can't see her.Copy !req
459. What it is, I don't know.Copy !req
460. Look at you, where are you?Copy !req
461. You're there. I can't see you for
Christ's sake, what's going on?Copy !req
462. Oh, God! Thank you.Copy !req
463. Thank you, Jackie Brydon.Copy !req
464. No, it's a volcanic fog. It's the
fact there's a volcano going off.Copy !req
465. It mixes with natural mists
and fogs and createsCopy !req
466. this denser thing called vog.Copy !req
467. Anyway, fog or mist, it's all
the same stuff, it causesCopy !req
468. road crashes,
that's the thing about it.Copy !req
469. And so, with the future
safely behind us,Copy !req
470. it's time for a look
at the scores.Copy !req
471. Oh, my goodness me!Copy !req
472. Well ahead of his time with
14 points, it's Ben Miller!Copy !req
473. But not so far behind, with seven
points, it's Sean Lock! Thank you!Copy !req
474. We plunge into the minus numbers,Copy !req
475. in third place, with -31,
it's Rob Brydon.Copy !req
476. But knocked into the middle of next
week with -60, Alan Davies!Copy !req
477. Well, that's all for next week, but
from Rob, Ben, Sean and Alan and me,Copy !req
478. we trust you will live long
and prosper, and I leave youCopy !req
479. with this observation
from physicist, Niels Bohr,Copy !req
480. "Prediction is very difficult,"
he said.Copy !req
481. "Especially about the future."
Good night.Copy !req