1. Hello, hello, hello!
And hello, hello.Copy !req
2. Hello, and indeed, goodbye from QICopy !req
3. where tonight, the end is nigh.Copy !req
4. For an exciting photo finish,
I am joined by the Four Jockeys
of the Apocalypse.Copy !req
5. They are Mr Jimmy Carr.Copy !req
6. Mr Dara O'Briain.Copy !req
7. Miss Doon Mackichan.Copy !req
8. And Master Alan Davies!Copy !req
9. Before we plunge up to our elbows
in the seven bowls of wrath,Copy !req
10. let me remind you about our regular
elephant in the room bonus.Copy !req
11. There are extra points for spotting
any pachyderms on my person
this evening. But now,Copy !req
12. let's hear how you all intend
to end it all, and Dara goes...Copy !req
13. And Jimmy goes...Copy !req
14. Doon goes...Copy !req
15. And Alan goes...Copy !req
16. Excellent.Copy !req
17. Great.Copy !req
18. Thank you, Alan.Copy !req
19. Superb. I think I detected the hand
of the late, great Dudley MooreCopy !req
20. in your buzzer there.Copy !req
21. Now, that brings us to our final
question. What were the last wordsCopy !req
22. of General Sedgwick
in the wilderness of Spotsylvania?Copy !req
23. He hasn't got a mouth...Copy !req
24. ..so there weren't any words at all.Copy !req
25. Unless he wrote them down.Copy !req
26. In a convenient bubble
that he carried around with him.Copy !req
27. Maybe he had a little notebook
of bubble-shaped thingsCopy !req
28. I'll tell you that the year is 1864.Copy !req
29. What war was going on then?
Franco-Prussian War.Copy !req
30. That was a tiny bit later.Copy !req
31. The 100 Years... 30 Years...
25 Years...Copy !req
32. Civil - the American Civil War.
The American Civil War.Copy !req
33. Yes, well doneCopy !req
34. No, no!Copy !req
35. No!Copy !req
36. Ah! Thank you for cutting that off.Copy !req
37. The American Civil War. It is the
American Civil War. That was not,
however, the question.Copy !req
38. Spotsylvania is near
to Pennsylvania.Copy !req
39. It's Virginia, in fact, in the
state of Virginia. He was actually
with 100,000 of his own men.Copy !req
40. He was part of the Union,
the Yankee ArmyCopy !req
41. facing 52,000 Confederate troops.Copy !req
42. And they were just getting ready
for the battle and there were
snipers. Was he saying,Copy !req
43. "Easy!" Is he... Almost
the equivalent - it was hubris.Copy !req
44. It was the most extraordinary last
words... "It'll be over in five
minutes."Copy !req
45. We'll be back in
time for the good telly.Copy !req
46. Let me tell you now that you could
have played your elephant cards
Well, I will, then. Nah. Too late?Copy !req
47. He actually said, "Why are you
dodging like this?Copy !req
48. "They couldn't hit an elephant
at this dist..."Copy !req
49. And he was shot under the left eye
and fell down deadCopy !req
50. without finishing the word
"distance".Copy !req
51. Ooh! You'd be annoyed, wouldn't you?
You'd be livid!Copy !req
52. Shot in the eye, that's annoying
to start with. And you look a fool!Copy !req
53. Exactly.Copy !req
54. Cheered up the troops, I would
imagine. They found that...Copy !req
55. they probably found that irony
quite funny.Copy !req
56. Troops will, they have that sort of
humour. They do, don't they -
the lower orders.Copy !req
57. He was known as Uncle John.
He was very popular.Copy !req
58. Ulysses S Grant mourned his death -
said it was worse than the loss
of a division.Copy !req
59. He was the highest-ranking Union
officer of any kind to die
in the war.Copy !req
60. Are famous last words accurate?
I think they lie. Cos it's always
something incredibly witty.Copy !req
61. Like, "Dying, that's the last thing
I shall do!"Copy !req
62. I imagine they said that about four
days before they died and the last
thing they said was, "Nurse!"Copy !req
63. "Nurse, it's happening again,
I'm scared."Copy !req
64. You're probably right.
No-one got their elephant point...Copy !req
65. It may not be the only elephant
bonus this game. Let's hope not!Copy !req
66. You'd hate to spend your elephant
bonus at the very start. True.Copy !req
67. Extra points for this... Ulysses S
Grant, a great general in the Union
Army - what did the S stand for?Copy !req
68. Sausage.Copy !req
69. I'd so like to tell you that was...Copy !req
70. Simon? Stephen? Stephanie?Copy !req
71. Simone? Swanky?Copy !req
72. Swanky Grant.Copy !req
73. Sugartits?Copy !req
74. Sugartits!Copy !req
75. The S works,
Sugartits didn't work at all.Copy !req
76. "Follow me, men!"
"All right, Sugartits!"Copy !req
77. No, actually the S in Ulysses S
Grant stood for nothing at all.Copy !req
78. S was just his middle name.Copy !req
79. Now, what use can you think of
for a cat-in-the-box
at the end of a parachute?Copy !req
80. Jimmy.Copy !req
81. To serve as an example
to other naughty cats.Copy !req
82. That would be my first thought
on that.Copy !req
83. Very good.Copy !req
84. It would be a hell of a way to finish
off a children's party, wouldn't it?Copy !req
85. What's that? What's that?Copy !req
86. Oh, no, it hasn't opened.Copy !req
87. Yow! Argh.Copy !req
88. So you pull your cord, nothing
happens. You pull your safety cord,
nothing happens.Copy !req
89. You're allowed to take the cat out
for your last few minutes.Copy !req
90. Stress-relieving boon
for your dying minutes.Copy !req
91. Oh! There he goes. Bless. Sweet.Copy !req
92. Is there a part of the world
that is in dire need of cats?Copy !req
93. There was, between 1959 and 1961,Copy !req
94. and it was the combined British
and World Health Organisation.Copy !req
95. Some sort of mouse epidemic.Copy !req
96. You're exactly on the right lines.
It wasn't mice, but rats.Copy !req
97. Rats carry all kinds of diseases and
as vermin, need to be controlled and
the best way of controlling them...Copy !req
98. Parachute cats in a box?Copy !req
99. It is if...Copy !req
100. How do they get out of the box?
Why don't you just drive to the
border and fire them out of a cannon?Copy !req
101. Their natural landing instinct
would kick in.Copy !req
102. You'd need goggles on them
to keep their hair...Copy !req
103. There is an awful logic behind
why they had to be parachuted.Copy !req
104. Why would there be a sudden
shortage of cats? Lots of dogs.Copy !req
105. That would be one reason.
Someone put catnip on the border.Copy !req
106. We're in Borneo. Sarawak.Copy !req
107. All the women had swallowed flies...Copy !req
108. I'm with Dara on this one.Copy !req
109. The clue I'll give you -
Dichloro-Diphenyl-Trichloroethane.Copy !req
110. Ooh! Now, what...Copy !req
111. DDT. DDT, well done. Stuff to stop
you having mozzy bites. Yes.Copy !req
112. It destroys mosquitoes and it was
sprayed in huge quantitiesCopy !req
113. over jungles in Sarawak in Borneo.Copy !req
114. And it killed all the mosquitoes
very successfully.Copy !req
115. It also killed a lot of cockroaches.Copy !req
116. The cockroaches ate the DDT
and were eaten by cats,
which killed the cats.Copy !req
117. A lot of the cats were dead in
places you can spray from the air
with DDT.Copy !req
118. In other words, places you can't get
a cat to in a little catmobile,
for example.Copy !req
119. They dropped them in in boxes that
had springs so when they landed,Copy !req
120. the spring would open,
the cat would bound outCopy !req
121. and help itself to any passing rat.Copy !req
122. How showbiz is that?Copy !req
123. Foing! Hello!Copy !req
124. And all the rats that are gathered
go, "What's this? What's this?
Oh, shit, it's a cat."Copy !req
125. The cat has been terrified.
The cat has surely shat in the box
on its way down. I mean, come on.Copy !req
126. If you try to take a cat in a basket
to the vet...Copy !req
127. Exactly. Oh, they love going in a
basket. I had to take mine once
to the vet,Copy !req
128. two of them,
they got out in the car...Copy !req
129. and I knew one had got out cos
I could see it on the back shelf...Copy !req
130. urinating...Copy !req
131. and the other one had got on
the dashboard in front of me
and just went...Copy !req
132. It was...Copy !req
133. Get back in the box!Copy !req
134. Argh!Copy !req
135. I'll parachute you into Borneo
if you're not careful!Copy !req
136. They are extremely... Do you want to
go to Borneo? No. Get in your box.Copy !req
137. Oh, Lord.Copy !req
138. So, no, I can't imagine
they'd take to it. No.Copy !req
139. There you have it. In 1959,
the World Health OrganisationCopy !req
140. parachuted cats into Borneo
to tackle a plague of ratsCopy !req
141. accidentally caused
by their campaign against malaria.Copy !req
142. What finally finished off the
elderly in Great Yarmouth in 1960?Copy !req
143. Please tell us it's that!Copy !req
144. What a world it would be.
Oh, it would be great.Copy !req
145. Once a year, just release an elephant
into the streets of Great Yarmouth.Copy !req
146. And Sellotape peanuts to the old.Copy !req
147. They would die of shock,
wouldn't they?Copy !req
148. They'd die of compression,
a lot of them.Copy !req
149. They did die of shock. Or at least,
one person died of shock firstly.Copy !req
150. It was two rather sporty,
shall we say, fellow membersCopy !req
151. of the Haslemere home
for the elderly in Great Yarmouth.Copy !req
152. They saw a cat coming down at them
by parachute.Copy !req
153. No, it was two who were responsible
for the deaths.Copy !req
154. One was an 81-year-old woman...Copy !req
155. who did a striptease.Copy !req
156. Presumably in the lounge.Copy !req
157. One of the old people
had a heart attack.Copy !req
158. Five others had to have
medical attention for shock.Copy !req
159. Did any of them have a stroke?
Wa-hey!Copy !req
160. Now, now...Copy !req
161. This was Gladys Elton,
which was her name. Gladys.Copy !req
162. She was responsible for the death
of one of her fellow members.Copy !req
163. It wouldn't be allowed now.
This was 1960.Copy !req
164. Gladys was her real name.
Her stripper name was Aurora
or something like that.Copy !req
165. Another inmate, Harry Meadows,
and he was 87, dressed up as Death,Copy !req
166. complete with scythe, and appeared
at the window and tapped on it,
beckoned...Copy !req
167. Hello!Copy !req
168. I'm in! He did what?Copy !req
169. And three further residents died
as a result.Copy !req
170. Are you sure he isn't Death
and they just caught him?Copy !req
171. Maybe Death is a man
called Harry Meadows.Copy !req
172. They never had
a fancy dress party again.Copy !req
173. We are indebted to Brewer's Book Of
Rogues, Villains And Eccentrics for
this extraordinary information.Copy !req
174. The following year, they closed the
Haslemere home for the elderly down.Copy !req
175. What did they do to Gladys Elton?Copy !req
176. I would hope that they played "The
Stripper" at her funeral anyway,Copy !req
177. if nothing else. So God bless her.Copy !req
178. That was Gladys Elton
and Harry Meadows.Copy !req
179. Now, what is pink, has pendulous
breasts, gets sailors all excited
and tastes of prime beef?Copy !req
180. Was Princess Margaret buried at sea?Copy !req
181. Awww.Copy !req
182. Very good. Excellent.
What?Copy !req
183. Any other thoughts?Copy !req
184. I thought it might be Gladys Elton.Copy !req
185. Oh!Copy !req
186. I was there before you.Copy !req
187. A walrus. Well, you're
in the right area. Manatee.Copy !req
188. Manatee is closer.Copy !req
189. Steller's sea cow
which is the name of this
particular species of sireniaCopy !req
190. of dugong manatee-like thing.Copy !req
191. Isn't it beautiful.Copy !req
192. You can see why sailors in days
or yore thought they were mermaids.Copy !req
193. How long do you have to be at sea
before you'd do it?Copy !req
194. Go on. That's actually a model.Copy !req
195. It's one of those sad stories.Copy !req
196. A model as well.
That's a good looking one?Copy !req
197. She's a looker, Stephen.
That's a size zero.Copy !req
198. Why would we not have a photograph
of it, just a model?Copy !req
199. Because they're extinct?
Very camera shy.Copy !req
200. Steller described it as being pink,
having pendulous breastsCopy !req
201. and tasting delicious. 7,000lbs
of meat you get off one of those.Copy !req
202. So people came from far and wide
to the Bering IslandCopy !req
203. where they discovered them and...Copy !req
204. Ate the lot.Copy !req
205. The last one was 26 years
after he discovered it.Copy !req
206. He was the first and last scientist
to describe the animal.Copy !req
207. If he hadn't described it as tasty...
That was his big mistake.Copy !req
208. He should've said it was disgusting.Copy !req
209. What's the story,
ladies and gentlemen.
of the Emperor's new thrones?Copy !req
210. Ooph...Copy !req
211. When you're on the spot... I know.Copy !req
212. you go out of your mind.
All I can think of is a penguin.Copy !req
213. I've got the penguin on the chair
and I know it's not right.Copy !req
214. Ming the Merciless,Copy !req
215. I'm pretty sure was an emperor.
Was Jabber the Hut an emperor?Copy !req
216. Let's stay on earth, can we?Copy !req
217. Please.Copy !req
218. All right, it's not Europe.
It's not Europe.Copy !req
219. Africa. Yes, Africa. Africa.Copy !req
220. Ethiopia? Ethiopia
is the right answer.Copy !req
221. Haile Selassie. Before Haile
Selassie there was an Emperor...Copy !req
222. Lowly Selassie.Copy !req
223. Oh, very good. No. Emperor Menelick.Copy !req
224. Oh. OK.Copy !req
225. Possibly "Menlick". Is that him?
Yes, that's Menelik.Copy !req
226. Wow. A fine looking gentleman.
He lived from 1844 to 1913.Copy !req
227. But around the 1890s, he was showing
some people around Addis Ababa,Copy !req
228. the capital of Ethiopia/Abyssinia
as it was then...Copy !req
229. He was the Emperor and tour guide?
Yes, he seems to have been.Copy !req
230. These were august visitors. They
noticed men dead hanging from trees.Copy !req
231. They said, "Come on, have you not
heard of this wonderful invention,Copy !req
232. "the electric chair?
It's humane, quick."Copy !req
233. He said, "I shall order two."Copy !req
234. There's one tiny drawback.Copy !req
235. There's no electricity.
There was electricity supply.Copy !req
236. You had to peddle really...Copy !req
237. Did they execute people
using only static?Copy !req
238. Rub a comb against their pullover.
Quite petty theft. Ooh, ow.Copy !req
239. Is it me getting older that I can't
get out of a car or go to a lifeCopy !req
240. or touch a tap in a hotel without
getting an electric shock?Copy !req
241. It would be great if it was as you
get older you get more metallic.Copy !req
242. Your bones turn to metal
and it's like an X-Men thing,Copy !req
243. you finally get your super power.Copy !req
244. Turning into Ian McKellen,
which one wanted to do.Copy !req
245. Some people say it's passion.
When you meet the man or woman
of your dreamsCopy !req
246. you have an electric shock.
Like a Van Der Graaf generator.Copy !req
247. Find me an attractive woman,
I will Taser her.Copy !req
248. There you are. You still haven't
quite answered the question yet.Copy !req
249. He used them as thrones. He used
one of them, anyway, as a throne.Copy !req
250. Did he stop being Emperor when
electricity came to Addis Ababa?Copy !req
251. When it arrives they go, "Big news,
hope you're sitting down... No.Copy !req
252. 1896 they got electric power
in Ethiopia.Copy !req
253. In 1916, the fourth
British Antarctic expeditionCopy !req
254. was stranded on this island for over
four months. What's it called?Copy !req
255. Yes?Copy !req
256. Guernsey.Copy !req
257. There had been a terrible mix-upCopy !req
258. and that is Guernsey.Copy !req
259. Which is quite a long way south
but as far south as this island?Copy !req
260. You're saying that's wrong?
Yes. But a lovely effort.Copy !req
261. Yeah? Is this the famous oneCopy !req
262. where they got stranded and one of
them went walking for eight months?Copy !req
263. Shackleton went all the way.
Is it the Island Of Reluctant
But Inevitable Homosexuality?Copy !req
264. I think it's that one.
I think I recognise itCopy !req
265. from a school trip
that went horribly wrong.Copy !req
266. Lord Of The Undone Flies.Copy !req
267. Um... oh. Hello.
Is it called Elephant Island?Copy !req
268. Yes, it is!Copy !req
269. In your hand. Very good.Copy !req
270. Well done.Copy !req
271. You said it, there is an elephant
in the room. Quite right.Copy !req
272. Partly because of its shape.
That's supposed to be a trunk.Copy !req
273. You can see an elephant.
Top left is its ear.Copy !req
274. No, you can't. No, no.Copy !req
275. You can't.Copy !req
276. It was Shackleton who went off to
South Georgia to a whaling station.Copy !req
277. He cam all the way back.
It was an extraordinary
adventurous business.Copy !req
278. Look at them all waving. Bless them.
An extraordinary bunch. Very brave.Copy !req
279. Hardy. Very foolish
in many ways, these people.Copy !req
280. Very much like us.
Yes, I like to think that.Copy !req
281. Elephant Island, named partly for
the shape and partly because there
are a lot of elephant seals on it.Copy !req
282. The men call it "'ell-of-an island".
Do you see what they did, there?Copy !req
283. You can't blame them for descending
to humour, in that situation.Copy !req
284. A few less elephant seals, after
they'd been there. I imagine there
were - many FEWER elephant seals.Copy !req
285. Oh, Stephen, really.Copy !req
286. Elephant Island, our second
Elephant In The Room this week.Copy !req
287. What quite interesting object is at
the very end of the earth?Copy !req
288. Telford town centre. Although I would
argue about the "interesting" bit.Copy !req
289. Is it the bottom of Patagonia?
It's right down there, yes.Copy !req
290. It's the Southern Pole of
Inaccessibility. Is it the off
switch? To stop it spinning? Yeah.Copy !req
291. I'll tell you what it is.
It is a bust. There's a bust.Copy !req
292. Worth going, then!Copy !req
293. In the sense, not of a pair
of breasts,Copy !req
294. but a head, and shoulders,
and front bit of a human being.Copy !req
295. We didn't REALLY think
it was a big pair of tits.Copy !req
296. It's of a living 20th-century
person, now dead. A man.Copy !req
297. Yep. Stalin. Oh, the one before.Copy !req
298. Lenin. Vladimir Ilych Lenin
is there, right in the middle.Copy !req
299. My word!
This Southern Pole of
Inaccessibility is more remoteCopy !req
300. and hard to reach than the
geographical South Pole, and this
year, the destination was reachedCopy !req
301. by four Britons called Team N2i -
Rory Sweet, Rupert Longsdon,
Henry Cookson and Paul Landry.Copy !req
302. And we have one of this expedition
in the audience!Copy !req
303. No!Copy !req
304. Mr Rupert Longsdon is here!
Ladies and gentlemen!
Isn't that bizarre?Copy !req
305. Phenomenal. Rupert, how far did you
have to travel? There was no
mechanical power, was it?Copy !req
306. No, we travelled 1,100 miles
in total. Cross-country skiing,Copy !req
307. then kite skiing.Copy !req
308. Was it cold?Copy !req
309. When that picture was taken,
it was -60C.Copy !req
310. What did you eat? Food... Oh!Copy !req
311. Fairly repetitive - chocolate,
cheese, salami, pasta. Lots.Copy !req
312. One day towards the end when we had
been eating the same thing for about
40 days, we played laxative roulette.Copy !req
313. And one person had laxatives in their
food - we didn't know who.
I bet you did!Copy !req
314. The consequences were quite obvious
after a while! Does it freeze as it
comes out? OH!Copy !req
315. Like a shard of shit!Copy !req
316. When did the Russians
put that there? 1958. Good Lord.Copy !req
317. Congratulations
on an extraordinary first,
and very foolhardy and very brave.Copy !req
318. Hardly an extraodinary first,
there was a statue there!Copy !req
319. They went under their own power.
No-one had ever done that before.
Congratulations. Thank you, Rupert.Copy !req
320. I like the idea of doing that
with no mechanical device whatsoever.Copy !req
321. His moon mission's gonna be amazing!Copy !req
322. That'd be impressive. A man
up a ladder going, "Whoa..."Copy !req
323. "This is madness!"Copy !req
324. Ladies and gentlemen, on that
splendid note, the Pale Rider
now herds us reluctantlyCopy !req
325. towards the slough of despond
that is General Ignorance.Copy !req
326. So fingers on your buzzers.
What does your appendix do?Copy !req
327. Like the great British
builder, it grumbles,Copy !req
328. but it does absolutely NOTHING!Copy !req
329. Oh, Doon, Doon, Doon, Doon, Doon.Copy !req
330. Does it contain details about me that
aren't needed in the main body?Copy !req
331. Brilliant. Very good.Copy !req
332. Well, one of the uses it has
is for rebuilding organs
around the body in surgery,Copy !req
333. but it has quite recently been
discovered to have a role in the
immune system, building things,Copy !req
334. antibodies, and lymphoids and so on.Copy !req
335. So it apparently - I was rather
worried when I read this - has
plenty of uses, and I am thinkingCopy !req
336. of asking for mine back.Copy !req
337. There it is. Is it big?Copy !req
338. I can't see the scale of that.
A wee wormy thing. Maybe yours is.Copy !req
339. Showing off about the size
of my appendix... that I don't even
have any more. Ladies.Copy !req
340. Well, the largest found belonged to
a Pakistani gentleman and was 9.2in.Copy !req
341. Which is very big!Copy !req
342. Not impressed? No...Copy !req
343. What's the best thing to do, though,
when you get a four-minute warning?Copy !req
344. Pop a love egg up. You're guaranteed
to come before the end does.Copy !req
345. Very good.Copy !req
346. And you've always got one
on your person? At all times.Copy !req
347. Um... what I would do,
at the four-minute warning,Copy !req
348. I would stand next a wall...
Yeah? and then strike a pose.Copy !req
349. Do something...Copy !req
350. I would do something like that,
so that when I get blown into
my own shadow and obliterated...Copy !req
351. It would be funny and stylish.Copy !req
352. And then, when they do Time Team
in 4,000 years, and the new...Copy !req
353. I want the new Tony Robinson to
uncover me and go, "I think ancient
Egyptians." Better than that!Copy !req
354. Get a really long pole
and put it between your legs.Copy !req
355. And then, they'll go,
"My God! Look at this one!"Copy !req
356. Make sure you've got your name
somewhere on the wall.
Write your name on the wall.Copy !req
357. You could sort of flick out
your posterior, bend your bum out,Copy !req
358. and make it look as if you'd farted
and everything had gone.Copy !req
359. Oh, please!Copy !req
360. Oh... Oh...Copy !req
361. What is the four-minute warning?
There never was one.Copy !req
362. There wasn't really such a thing.Copy !req
363. The Americans got permission
from the BritishCopy !req
364. to build an early-warning system
at Fylingdales in North Yorkshire.Copy !req
365. There was a lot of fuss, saying,
"They're ruining our national park
to get this 15-minute warningCopy !req
366. "and what good do we get
out of it in Britain?"
The Defence Minister said,Copy !req
367. "Oh, it's also useful for us!
We get a warning that,
in four minutes, we'll go,"Copy !req
368. which everybody rightly ridiculed.
What use is a four-minute warning?Copy !req
369. You've barely time to do anything,
except your love egg going off,
obviously.Copy !req
370. Finally, the last end question!Copy !req
371. How many poles are there
at the ends of the Earth?Copy !req
372. Oh, now, obviously...
That's a dangerous one!Copy !req
373. Ooh!
Maybe there are four.Copy !req
374. There's the top of the Earth
and the magnetic...
Is that what you're getting at?Copy !req
375. Yes. How many North Poles
and South Poles are there?Copy !req
376. Two of each.
So you're saying four?Copy !req
377. Oh, Alan! I really, really
tried hard! You did try hard!Copy !req
378. I tried... You've gotta use that,
but take it further. Eight!Copy !req
379. Oh...Copy !req
380. Have another go. Oh, no! I've
blown all my elephant points now!Copy !req
381. You have! 16! It's 11.
I know, it sounds bizarre, but I'll
try and take you through them.Copy !req
382. There are the two geographic poles -
North and South geographic poles.Copy !req
383. That's where the Earth's axis
of rotation meets the surface,
as it were.Copy !req
384. So that's... Pretty obvious.Copy !req
385. You'd think!Copy !req
386. There's the Earth and
it's spinning round, you know...Copy !req
387. I'm just saying...Copy !req
388. I'm just not sure that's the best
mime you could've done! OK!Copy !req
389. The geographical
pole where this happens...Copy !req
390. I was trying to be like,
"It's going round..."Copy !req
391. "Is that what happens when
you get there, sir, is it?"Copy !req
392. Oh, well, look, OK!Copy !req
393. There are the two geographic poles.Copy !req
394. Yes.
There's the two geomagnetic poles,Copy !req
395. where the Earth's magnetic dipole
meets the surface.Copy !req
396. Obviously! Yeah.
There are magnetic poles,Copy !req
397. where geomagnetic field lines
point vertically into the ground,
in the way electric fields...Copy !req
398. Yes?Copy !req
399. I want go home now. All right.
We'll get through these.Copy !req
400. Girls never liked physics!Copy !req
401. I feel sick, sir!Copy !req
402. Even polar guy, who's kind of
into this as a topic... Yeah, yeah!
.. has dozed off at this stage!Copy !req
403. There are 11 poles. Two geographic
North and South poles,Copy !req
404. two magnetic poles,
two geomagnetic poles,Copy !req
405. two poles of inaccessibility,
two celestial poles and
one ceremonial South Pole. Oh!Copy !req
406. And now we have come...
You've come!Copy !req
407. He's come!Copy !req
408. Your pole of inaccessibility
has finally been plundered! Yes.Copy !req
409. Oh, dear!Copy !req
410. We come not to the beginning
of the end or, indeed,
to the end of the beginning,Copy !req
411. nor the beginning of the middle
part of that bit before the end,Copy !req
412. but to the end
of the endings show itself,Copy !req
413. and we have a tie for first place
between Dara and Jimmy,
at five points!Copy !req
414. Hands across the nation there.
Well done.Copy !req
415. And, extraordinarily,
tied at last place,Copy !req
416. at minus 17 each,
Doon and Alan!Copy !req
417. So, as the killer locusts
of Abaddon swarm around us and the
end of the show draws nigh,Copy !req
418. it's good night from Jimmy,
Dara, Doon, Alan and me.Copy !req
419. And I'll follow the advice of the
King of Hearts to the White Rabbit.Copy !req
420. "Begin at the beginning,"
the King said gravely,Copy !req
421. "and go on until you come to the
end and then stop." Good night.Copy !req