1. Woh!Copy !req
2. Goo-oo-oo-ood evening, good evening,
good evening, good evening,
good evening,Copy !req
3. and welcome to QI. Tonight, we are
quite interested in engineeringCopy !req
4. and so we've come equipped with four
of the sharpest tools in the box.Copy !req
5. The steely Jimmy Carr!Copy !req
6. And the power-driven Rob Brydon.Copy !req
7. Here's the well-oiled Bill Bailey!Copy !req
8. And... the spanner in the works,
Alan Davies!Copy !req
9. So let's hear
your precision-engineered sounds.
Bill goes...Copy !req
10. Jimmy goes...Copy !req
11. And Rob goes...Copy !req
12. And Alan goes...Copy !req
13. Aw!Copy !req
14. Now, although tonight's manly menu
mainly means engineering matters,Copy !req
15. don't forget our Elephant
In The Room bonus...Copy !req
16. .. for predicting the arrival of one
or more elephants on the programme.Copy !req
17. There it is.Copy !req
18. Be ready.Copy !req
19. First question.
Who built Britain's railways?Copy !req
20. Look out!Copy !req
21. Oh, Jesus! I say.Copy !req
22. By the way,Copy !req
23. I have my own train here.
Look at that.Copy !req
24. Isn't that fun?Copy !req
25. And I have... I have sweetsCopy !req
26. which I can load on and deliverCopy !req
27. to any particularly interesting
answers this evening,Copy !req
28. so there's an extra incentive.Copy !req
29. However... This is turning into
my perfect house.Copy !req
30. More toast, please!Copy !req
31. Like Wallace and Gromit! Yes.Copy !req
32. But you have first to address the
question of who built our railways.
Richard Branson.Copy !req
33. No... It's not elephants.
Large creaturesCopy !req
34. were trained to trample down areas
of Britain to be very, very, flat.Copy !req
35. The railway mouse!Copy !req
36. Well, you're right, actually.Copy !req
37. They...Copy !req
38. Sweet!Copy !req
39. You're right, actually, COMMA,Copy !req
40. in saying... In saying words?
In saying...Copy !req
41. that railways had to be flat
when they were built in Britain,
which were the very earliest daysCopy !req
42. because we were the country
invented the steam locomotive
and the railway system,Copy !req
43. and they weren't powerful enough
engines to go up hills
or even round bends,Copy !req
44. so they had to be straight and flat.Copy !req
45. Were they built by the wrong type
of builder? Well, at the time,
they were the much-mocked navvy.Copy !req
46. They were called navvies,
were mostly Irish,Copy !req
47. and were an extraordinary example
of man-muscle. They really were.Copy !req
48. It took a year to train a navvy.
You fed them on meat and beer.Copy !req
49. No Dagenham smiles there.
Very tightly done trousers.Copy !req
50. And they, er...Copy !req
51. A Dagenham smile?Copy !req
52. The Birmingham to London track
took five years to buildCopy !req
53. and was the equivalent in work
of building one and a half
great pyramids.Copy !req
54. It was an astonishing feat.
Astonishing.Copy !req
55. These people were incredible.
As I say, it took a yearCopy !req
56. to train them, they lived on beer
and meat,Copy !req
57. and they could out-perform
any other manual labourer.Copy !req
58. Farm workers would be exhausted
after a quarter of a navvy's day.Copy !req
59. Did I hear once that
the Trans-Siberian Railway,Copy !req
60. which was meant to be
a straight line...Copy !req
61. The Tsar got a ruler and he said,Copy !req
62. "I want the railway
perfectly straight."Copy !req
63. He got the ruler,
drew a line like thatCopy !req
64. but his fingers were over the edge...Copy !req
65. .. and in a couple of places,
it did a big sort of detour.Copy !req
66. And he went, "Build me that!
Go away!"Copy !req
67. And they went, "Better build it
like he said," so they had to build
curves in it.Copy !req
68. That's a lovely thought, again.Copy !req
69. A lovely thought. Sweet!Copy !req
70. I always assumed that
the first railways... Oh, very well.Copy !req
71. You can have a sweet.Copy !req
72. Ohh! Oh, God!Copy !req
73. Let's get someone on the scene
and go straight there
to see what's happening.Copy !req
74. - It's absolute pandemonium, Stephen.
- Wait! Have you had your sweet? No.Copy !req
75. Oh, I'm not very good at being
the Fat Controller. It stopped
at the right place.Copy !req
76. Can't be a Virgin train, then.Copy !req
77. Why, for a sweet and a point,
are they called navvies?Copy !req
78. Navigational engineers.
Oh, very good, very good.Copy !req
79. I'm so impressed. Is that right?Copy !req
80. Yes.Copy !req
81. They were responsible
for digging what was called
the internal navigation systemCopy !req
82. which was the canals.
They first came over to dig canalsCopy !req
83. and, when the railway arrived,
they did all the embankments
and the tunnelsCopy !req
84. and the extraordinary
earth movement involved.Copy !req
85. Horses were used, but only
for taking away the soil.Copy !req
86. Elephants as well. No elephants...
There were some. .. on the railways.Copy !req
87. There were. Just little ones.Copy !req
88. So London to Birmingham
was the equivalent
of one and a half pyramids?Copy !req
89. One and a half great pyramids. If
only we'd put that to a vote, we'd
have had one and a half pyramids.Copy !req
90. What do you mean,
just a half pyramid?
We just thought we'd leave it.Copy !req
91. Can we have the top half
of the pyramid?Copy !req
92. That's a pyramid, the top half.Copy !req
93. If it's the bottom half...
That's what I would choose.
..it's an odd platform.Copy !req
94. So just keep slicing the pyramids.Copy !req
95. You can have a sweet.Copy !req
96. There you are.Copy !req
97. No!Copy !req
98. Thank you very much.Copy !req
99. Curses!Copy !req
100. The credit may have gone
to engineers, of course,Copy !req
101. like Stephenson and Brunel, but it
was thousands of anonymous navvies
who did the actual work.Copy !req
102. Here's a big question -
what happened when the Americans
went off the rails?Copy !req
103. Jesus!Copy !req
104. This is during
the Carter administration,Copy !req
105. when they tried to bring in a
different form. Instead of rail...Copy !req
106. Because Jimmy Carter
was a Southern president,Copy !req
107. and in the Deep South,
fried food is very, very popular,Copy !req
108. and they were hoping to build
carriages with holes in the bottom.Copy !req
109. People would take
their trousers down and,
after eating a lot of fried food,Copy !req
110. they would fart it,
and it would riseCopy !req
111. on a bed of noxious bottom gas.Copy !req
112. Then, behind,Copy !req
113. people would open balloons and let
the air... And if there were enough
of the balloons...Copy !req
114. I mean, it never worked! Obviously.Copy !req
115. We would've heard of it.
A fool could've predicted it,Copy !req
116. but they didn't have a fool in the...
For the first time in history? Yeah.Copy !req
117. Can you take the sweet off him?Copy !req
118. Is the question "when did America
go OFF the rails"?Copy !req
119. No, when a locomotive went off the
rails in America, what did they do?Copy !req
120. They picked it up, put it back on?Copy !req
121. Is the right answer.
It's as simple as that.Copy !req
122. They deliberately made the
locomotive very small and light.Copy !req
123. Those were the days!Copy !req
124. They have no cladding
so they're as light as possible,Copy !req
125. and the passengers had to get out,
pick it up and put it back on.Copy !req
126. The potato blight brought over lots
of Irishmen to be their navvies
in America as well,Copy !req
127. at just the right time.
They're navigational engineers.Copy !req
128. Yes. Thank you for that. I don't
think you should call them navvies
any more, now that we knowCopy !req
129. their full title.Copy !req
130. The... the... micks were...Copy !req
131. .. taken overCopy !req
132. to do the deed,
and did it brilliantly.Copy !req
133. They tended to do it in the east
coast, and who did it in the west?Copy !req
134. The Chinese. And they met
in the middle,Copy !req
135. the Irish and the Chinese,
when they completed
the entire link across America.Copy !req
136. There was a couple of brothers
called Casement
who devised a systemCopy !req
137. where the track was laid
as fast as a man could walk.
Not as fast as Gromit.Copy !req
138. No. That...Copy !req
139. He was probably inspired
by the Casement brothers.Copy !req
140. They'd have a train
on the existing track... Exactly.
Going ahead like that!Copy !req
141. And they'd push off the one
when it had emptied itself
of its rails and sleepersCopy !req
142. and there would be one behind,
and they'd carry on.Copy !req
143. I suspect that they're standing
evenly apartCopy !req
144. for balance. Why would you stand
like that, unless you were
five individualsCopy !req
145. who have bought single tickets?Copy !req
146. If you'd gone along
with four friends on a train,Copy !req
147. you might stand closer and chat.Copy !req
148. perhaps are with them...Copy !req
149. You may be right.Copy !req
150. I think it's top hats off
for that sort of thing.Copy !req
151. Why didn't they build the railway
at Slough?Copy !req
152. At Slough? Why not?Copy !req
153. The town where I grew up? Mm-hm.
Is there no station in Slough?Copy !req
154. There is now, I suspect. Is there?
Yes. Yes, there is.Copy !req
155. But there's no railway?Copy !req
156. It's a start. When the railway was
being built through that particular
part of Buckinghamshire,Copy !req
157. they were told they couldn't build
a station at Slough.Copy !req
158. In fact, what happened was
they'd disregard it by stopping
and people getting on and off,Copy !req
159. and they'd sell tickets in the pub.
But who said no to a station?
What school is nearby?Copy !req
160. Oh!Copy !req
161. Ohh! Um...Copy !req
162. I do know it. It's Eton.
Eton College of course is there.Copy !req
163. Yes, they thought the boys
would be tempted to go into London.Copy !req
164. And take drugs? Well,
visit prostitutes and so on.Copy !req
165. That's the first thing they'd do.
"A train! Prostitutes!"Copy !req
166. I'd like a prostitute supersaver,
please.Copy !req
167. This prostitute
seems to be a woman!Copy !req
168. Oh, bloody hell, that shirt's
seriously on fire.Copy !req
169. No, come on, Ashley.Copy !req
170. What am I to do with these?Copy !req
171. There was a traveller's handbook
that advised women to put pins
in their mouthCopy !req
172. when trains went into a tunnel
so men didn't kiss them!Copy !req
173. To protect themselves
from unwanted kissing,Copy !req
174. they put a pin in their mouth.
It's very sweet, though,Copy !req
175. to think that kissing would be
the first thing that men would...Copy !req
176. They're coming out the tunnel and
the bloke's got a pin in his cock.Copy !req
177. It's a very direct approach
you've got to courting, isn't it?Copy !req
178. I'll just pop this in her mouth.
She'll come round, I'm sure.Copy !req
179. It's dark. She won't even know
it was me.Copy !req
180. Magnet! Magnet! Anyone, a magnet!Copy !req
181. So there you are. When 19th-century
American trains came off the rails,Copy !req
182. passengers got out
and lifted them back on.Copy !req
183. Now, what did
Isambard Kingdom Brunel get
for 18 birthdays in a row?Copy !req
184. For the first time ever,
simultaneously... An elephant!Copy !req
185. How annoyed would you be as well?
You got me one of these last year!Copy !req
186. Did I? Yeah, look!Copy !req
187. How could you miss that?Copy !req
188. Absolutely slaughtered. Plastered.
Couldn't remember where he lived.Copy !req
189. A socket set.Copy !req
190. Did he get a copy of
A Bridge Over Troubled Water?Copy !req
191. No. Jane's Fighting Ships.Copy !req
192. A book by Jeremy Clarkson.Copy !req
193. If this book was a book...Copy !req
194. ..it would be a book!Copy !req
195. There. That'll do, won't it?Copy !req
196. Yeah! What did he do?
Let's think about what
Isambard Kingdom Brunel did.Copy !req
197. Tunnels, bridges... Tunnels was
the first thing you said.Copy !req
198. No.Copy !req
199. Which is the biggest tunnel...?
The Box Tunnel? Under Box Hill.Copy !req
200. You're absolutely right.
Two miles long. There it is.
Or the opening of it. It's huge.Copy !req
201. It created so much earthworks,
the making of it -Copy !req
202. it was the biggest tunnel
in the world at the time...Copy !req
203. That they built Wales with it.
Well, no, there were all these...Copy !req
204. There are vast holes down there
that are linked by other tunnels.Copy !req
205. There are 80 miles of tunnels
under there.Copy !req
206. Between 1935 and 1940,
the military took overCopy !req
207. and they built this extraordinary
system of underground...Copy !req
208. 3,000 square feet of office space,
with a lift, as an ammunition dump.Copy !req
209. And of course a lot of people
believe now that it's got
an alien spaceship in it...Copy !req
210. There's a lot of local folklore.
I grew up in Bath, you see,Copy !req
211. very near the Box Tunnel.Copy !req
212. IN that tunnel? In the tunnel, yes.Copy !req
213. That explains a great deal.
It's the creature of the tunnel!Copy !req
214. Dare ye go in the Box Tunnel?Copy !req
215. Did they tell you anything
about the way Brunel designed it?Copy !req
216. Um... A special effect that could be
got from it once a year.Copy !req
217. Does the light shine through it
once a year? Yeah, go on.Copy !req
218. Have your sweetie!Copy !req
219. Yes, on his birthday,
which is the 9th of April -
he was born in 1806...Copy !req
220. Ah, there it is. There's the sun
shining through on his birthday.Copy !req
221. Our QI field researchers
wanted to stand there and check itCopy !req
222. but they weren't allowed to.Copy !req
223. That is one of the problems.Copy !req
224. Apparently it is a straight tunnelCopy !req
225. and the light will shine through,
but it's usually full of dust
and smoke.Copy !req
226. So to explosions.
Where's the best place to be
when a nuclear bomb goes off?Copy !req
227. Extraordinary!Copy !req
228. I would've gone for downtown
Nagasaki. What are the chances
of that happening again?Copy !req
229. You've got to weigh the odds.Copy !req
230. and I'm not sure
what that distance is.Copy !req
231. You have to be close enough
to get some of the radiation,Copy !req
232. and if you're in the right spot,
you will become a superhero.Copy !req
233. But, you know,
experts are divided on...Copy !req
234. what the distance is,Copy !req
235. and if you get it wrong... Woh!Copy !req
236. .. behind an elephant?Copy !req
237. It's a thought.Copy !req
238. Well, when I say the best place,
if you wanted to WATCH it and...Copy !req
239. Oh, I know! You've got to have a bit
of card with a pinhole through it...Copy !req
240. and then you can be
as close as you like.Copy !req
241. It actually can't hurt you.Copy !req
242. Where did the most nuclear bombs
go off in history?Copy !req
243. South Pacific? There were
quite a few in the Pacific,Copy !req
244. but on land there were a thousand
in the 1950s and early '60s.Copy !req
245. Nevada. Nevada. In the early-ish
'50s, when they were practisingCopy !req
246. bomb techniques, and setting one off
just about once every three weeks,Copy !req
247. there was a town which was a no-good
town at all in the early '50s.Copy !req
248. It was of no interest... Vegas.
Las Vegas.Copy !req
249. It called itself
the "up-and-atom" townCopy !req
250. and it advertises itself as a place
to watch nuclear bombs going off.Copy !req
251. It's 65 miles away. They thought
that was nice and safe.
They'd have pool-side partiesCopy !req
252. in the few hotels there.
So the lights of Vegas
have nothing to do with lights?Copy !req
253. That is just an afterglow of people
going, "Ohh, I don't feel well!"Copy !req
254. Well, over 10,000 people,
known as "down-winders",Copy !req
255. have successfully claimedCopy !req
256. half a billion dollars from the US
government for the effects of it.Copy !req
257. The Japanese emperor Hirohito
made a radio announcementCopy !req
258. after Hiroshima...Copy !req
259. It may be one of the great
understatements of all time.Copy !req
260. He said, "The war has developed,
not necessarily to our advantage."Copy !req
261. Traffic and travel next.Copy !req
262. Not that much travel. No.Copy !req
263. Fortunately, the Americans' search
for amusing new bombs to entertain
the public never ceases.Copy !req
264. How does the "love bomb" work?Copy !req
265. I turn up and I get on with it.Copy !req
266. Oh, hell!Copy !req
267. Is a love bomb a bottom noise that
can be made whilst you're making...?Copy !req
268. You know, sometimes
you're enjoying yourself and...Copy !req
269. The man's obsessed!Copy !req
270. You know it's a bit awkward
and you pretend you haven't heard it.Copy !req
271. Ooh! Rob... Rob, can I remind you
of something?Copy !req
272. Your father is in the audience.Copy !req
273. He's out there going,
"That's my boy!Copy !req
274. "You're putting Wales on the map,
Robert!" With this sophisticated
humour. You're quite right.Copy !req
275. So... love bomb.Copy !req
276. Does it let off something that
makes everyone... feel loved-up?
A big ecstasy bomb.Copy !req
277. You're right. In 1994,Copy !req
278. the Americans worked on the ideaCopy !req
279. of a bomb that contained
an aphrodisiac.Copy !req
280. I quote - it was declassified
two years ago.Copy !req
281. "One distasteful but completely
non-lethal example would be
strong aphrodisiacs,Copy !req
282. "especially if the chemical
also caused homosexual behaviour."Copy !req
283. The idea was to make troops...Copy !req
284. The best example we could find.Copy !req
285. Homosexual behaviour! What have you
been putting in my tea, then?Copy !req
286. The idea was that they'd all start
loving each other
instead of fighting.Copy !req
287. Now, what could you makeCopy !req
288. with an ultrasound rectal probe,
a light-emitting tube,
bicycle helmets,Copy !req
289. protective clothing, a huge tub
of Vaseline and a wheelbarrow?Copy !req
290. Ooh!Copy !req
291. That could make you
the happiest man alive.Copy !req
292. Oh, oh, oh,
elephant in the room.Copy !req
293. Yes. Is this something to do with a
medical examination of an elephant?Copy !req
294. You get the points, yes. It's how
you test pregnancy in elephants.Copy !req
295. No, it's how you MAKE pregnancy
in elephants. That's what I meant.
How you make elephants pregnant.Copy !req
296. Artificial insemination
of elephants. That's it, yes.Copy !req
297. You need a safety helmet for
safety reasons, as you can imagine,Copy !req
298. you need the bucket,
or wheelbarrow in this case,Copy !req
299. to collect the elephant droppings
cos you need to give an elephant
an enema first.Copy !req
300. Ohh, are you making an elephant porn
film or what?Copy !req
301. And you need hours of preparation
for this. A couple of Germans,
surprisingly,Copy !req
302. are the experts at this.Copy !req
303. Doctors Thomas Hildebrandt
and Frank Goeritz.
Oh, there's the doctor now.Copy !req
304. They've made 12 baby elephants.
By hours of preparation, do you
mean "getting her in the mood"?Copy !req
305. Do you take her out to dinner?
Do you compliment her? You only
have to compliment her onceCopy !req
306. cos she never forgets.Copy !req
307. An ultrasound probe
into the elephant's rectumCopy !req
308. while feeding a light-emitting tube
into what is rather pleasingly
called her vestibule.Copy !req
309. Into the rectum? Yeah.Copy !req
310. I'm pretty sure that's not how it's
done. You have to do that first...Copy !req
311. That's what I've been telling her!Copy !req
312. Finally, she'll pay attention now.Copy !req
313. Why not just get
a big boy elephant?Copy !req
314. Well, in the circumstances,
it's impossible.Copy !req
315. Artificial insemination happens
with other animals.Copy !req
316. Getting animals to mate
in captivityCopy !req
317. is very difficult,
especially with each other. Yes.Copy !req
318. Anyway, all those exciting objects,
with luck, could make you
a baby elephant.Copy !req
319. They are the tools used by
artificial inseminators. So...Copy !req
320. the wheel turns full circle,
gentlemen, and plunges us
back into the oily sumpCopy !req
321. of general ignorance.Copy !req
322. So fingers on buzzers, please.Copy !req
323. Where are you most likely
to get bitten by a vampire?Copy !req
324. A 19th-century novel.Copy !req
325. Pinewood Studios. Good.Copy !req
326. Good answer. Outside your own house.Copy !req
327. Where on the body?Copy !req
328. Well, it would have to be some sort
of protrusion where blood gathersCopy !req
329. and is easily accessible through
the bed clothes, probably the elbow.Copy !req
330. In a dark tunnel.Copy !req
331. It is a protuberance
as Jimmy pointed out.Copy !req
332. Big toe.Copy !req
333. Big toe? A vampire would bite you
on the big toe?Copy !req
334. There are a number of misconceptions
about vampire bats, obviously.Copy !req
335. Oh, he's a nasty-looking one,
isn't he?Copy !req
336. That is really ugly. That Gary
Oldman is a hell of an actor.Copy !req
337. He really transforms, doesn't he?Copy !req
338. If you're a vampire bat,Copy !req
339. is he regarded
as a bit of a looker? If YodaCopy !req
340. had accepted the Dark Side...Copy !req
341. .. that's how he would've looked.Copy !req
342. That's a very suave-looking bat.Copy !req
343. Would you mind awfully
if I nipped you on the toe?Copy !req
344. I'm having a few friends over. Would
you, er... Would you like a liqueur?Copy !req
345. How do they ingest their blood?
What do they do?Copy !req
346. They bite and sniff it up?
Swallow it, lick it, slurp it,Copy !req
347. hide it, store it, draw it up
and decant it.Copy !req
348. Decant it!Copy !req
349. Decant it. Lay it down
for a couple of years.Copy !req
350. They use a syringe.
They're quite hygienic animals.Copy !req
351. Small bit of cotton wool, syringe,
then you get a cup of tea
and a biscuit.Copy !req
352. Tiny little plaster.Copy !req
353. You're right in one sense. They do
an anticoagulant and a painkiller,Copy !req
354. so you're unlikely to know
you've been bitten.Copy !req
355. They open the skin and the vein,Copy !req
356. then they lap at it like a cat.Copy !req
357. Like that.Copy !req
358. I don't want to alarm you all,Copy !req
359. but I think a love bomb
may have gone off.Copy !req
360. Stephen doesn't need a love bomb
to behave like that, you know.Copy !req
361. Is it getting hot in here?Copy !req
362. Yes, the most likely place
to get bitten by a vampire
is in the big toe.Copy !req
363. And finally, what's the biggest
load of rubbish in the world?Copy !req
364. France!Copy !req
365. We got France!Copy !req
366. That's a lovely picture of France
there.Copy !req
367. This show is sponsored
by the British Tourist Board.Copy !req
368. Don't leave. It's horrible
over there.Copy !req
369. Somewhere in America probably.Copy !req
370. Hang on, there was a thing in
the QI book about the biggest load
of rubbish in the world,Copy !req
371. the biggest manmade thing, and it
was a rubbish dump in New York.Copy !req
372. Fresh kills.Copy !req
373. No. What?Copy !req
374. That is the largest... Thanks
for taking that bullet, Bill.Copy !req
375. Lord knows I appreciate that.Copy !req
376. I'll set 'em up, you knock 'em over.
I don't knowCopy !req
377. many rubbish dumps, funnily enough.Copy !req
378. There's Wandsworth tip.Copy !req
379. I don't know the biggest one
but there's a very good oneCopy !req
380. for the Richmond area where they
have separate stuff for plasticsCopy !req
381. and cardboard and textiles. Yeah.Copy !req
382. That's the one in Wandsworth.Copy !req
383. I did clearly say Richmond.Copy !req
384. But you can do all that
in Wandsworth as well.Copy !req
385. You don't have to go to Richmond to
get that!Copy !req
386. But we're talking about Richmond.
What was the original question?Copy !req
387. That is a very big part of rubbish.
It's the biggest manmade structure
in the world,Copy !req
388. but we're in
the Northern Pacific gyre.Copy !req
389. It's an area where...Copy !req
390. Come with me into the swirling
vortex that is the Northern Pacific
gyre. That's not a photo, is it?Copy !req
391. No, that's not a photo.Copy !req
392. All the currents swirl and
everything tends towards making
this huge maelstrom. They grabCopy !req
393. all the driftwood and rubbish.Copy !req
394. In the old days, all the rubbish
would go there, but it would be
broken down by micro-organisms,Copy !req
395. but today,
since the invention of plastic,
plastic doesn't biodegrade.Copy !req
396. It photo-degrades but doesn't
biodegrade, so it lasts
for a very long time.Copy !req
397. All that in an area
the size of Texas. It's colossal.Copy !req
398. For every pound of plankton,
there's six pounds...Copy !req
399. Is it just on the surface
or where is it?Copy !req
400. It's on the surface, it gets eaten
by the poor animals, you know.Copy !req
401. You find jellyfish with
coloured plastic inside them.
Remarkable. At the Richmond tip,Copy !req
402. there's a section...Copy !req
403. there's a section
for fluorescent tubes.
We've got thatCopy !req
404. in Wandsworth, and we've got...Copy !req
405. AND we've got one there
that's for fridges and...Copy !req
406. Fridges, tellies, computers,
everything you want.Copy !req
407. Keyboards, things you don't need
any more.Copy !req
408. I want to check it out.Copy !req
409. Not telling.Copy !req
410. We can decide all this laterCopy !req
411. because the fact is the biggest
collection of rubbish in the worldCopy !req
412. is floating in the North Pacific
gyre, otherwise known
as the Pacific trash vortex.Copy !req
413. Speaking of rubbish,Copy !req
414. it's time for the scores.
And first out of the tunnel,Copy !req
415. with a full eleven points,Copy !req
416. is Rob Brydon. Does that mean
I'm fourth?Copy !req
417. You've won!Copy !req
418. But, mirabile dictu,
in second place,
perhaps for the first time ever,Copy !req
419. with plus four points, Alan Davies!Copy !req
420. And in third place with minus two,
it's Jimmy Carr!Copy !req
421. Face! Which means...Copy !req
422. which means that trailing behind
in one of those funny little
up-and-down thingsCopy !req
423. that you take along
on a railway line,Copy !req
424. with minus 18 points, Bill Bailey!
What?Copy !req
425. So that's all from Jimmy, Rob,
Bill, Alan and me,Copy !req
426. but here's one last question
for you at home.Copy !req
427. How do you know that God
is a civil engineer?Copy !req
428. Because when he designed
the human body,Copy !req
429. he put the recreation area
right next to the sewage outflow.Copy !req
430. Good night.Copy !req