1. Gooood evening,
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2. good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening,
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3. good evening, good evening, good evening, good evening...
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4. and welcome to QI -
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5. where, tonight, we're mired in Misconceptions
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6. and nothing is as it seems.
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7. Or is it? Or will they? Have they?
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8. I don't know. LAUGHTER
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9. Do you? Maybe not. I simply don't know.
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10. Or do I? LAUGHTER
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11. Joining me tonight are...
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12. Sue Perkins.
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13. .. Chris Addison...
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14. .. Sara Cox...
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15. .. and Alan Davies.
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16. - Thank you, thank you.
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17. So, let's hear your buzzers.
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18. Sue goes...
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19. - Oh!
- Chris goes... IDENTICAL BUZZER
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20. Sara goes... IDENTICAL BUZZER
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21. Alan's buzzer...
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22. Oh. KLAXON
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23. That wasn't a buzzer, that was a buzzard.
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24. - That's harsh, though, isn't it?
- It is harsh.
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25. Am I on minus then already,
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26. - before I've spoken?
- Yes.
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27. That is a new record.
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28. I have no... My hands are tied.
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29. Now, how did the first American airmail arrive at its destination?
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30. Human cannonball.
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31. That's a good thought.
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32. They just put a postman in a cannon and fired him.
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33. Was it an air balloon?
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34. It wasn't, I'm afraid. KLAXON
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35. - I mean...
- Ha-ha-ha!
- .. that seems...
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36. Welcome to QI. Quite right.
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37. Oh, surely a carrier pigeon.
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38. - Oh!
- As in...
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39. Was it by bus?
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40. Closer.
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41. - Bus is closer. Airmail was by bus?
- Stagecoach?
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42. You deserve to get some points back, because it started by balloon,
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43. - you see, Sara.
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
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44. With great hoopla, they started an airmail service.
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45. It was going to go from Indiana to New York.
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46. Unfortunately, they chose the opening day
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47. and lots of mail had arrived, which was very self-consciously excited.
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48. "My darling, you're going to get this by a new means of transport,"
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49. etc, etc. They were all thrilled by it.
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50. There was no wind and, after five hours, it had gone 30 miles...
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51. - LAUGHTER .. and so he just...
- Could he...?
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52. Basically, they let themselves down and got on a train.
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53. Throwing the post overboard to keep height.
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54. He was a piano maker turned ballooning pioneer,
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55. Professor John Wise, who started it out.
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56. It was in 1859.
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57. But the regular airmail service was started in 1918
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58. as a way of training pilots -
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59. and the assistant postmaster was ruthless,
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60. and he insisted that the trainees
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61. would fly, whatever the weather.
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62. And out of 40 who started,
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63. - more than half were killed.
- Oh, f...!
- Oh, dear.
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64. He was a lunatic. He, himself, didn't fly -
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65. so it was pretty obvious he had no idea what was going on,
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66. so it was all rather tragic.
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67. Good to see the use of a sinister doll on the mailbag as well.
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68. - The whole thing's sent by voodoo.
- Yeah, it is.
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69. It's for when they don't want to get in the plane,
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70. - he makes them with the doll.
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71. He walks the doll.
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72. "I don't want to fly in the plane!"
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73. The first airplane-powered glider airmail service
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74. was founded by whom?
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75. - Amy Johnson.
- The first one was named after...
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76. - No, she's not known as an aviatrix...
- Oh, right.
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77. .. she's known as a novelist.
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78. - Madonna.
- Barbara Cartland.
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79. Is the right answer!
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80. That was very impressive, Sue.
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81. Barbara Cartland flew the first glider that dispensed mail?
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82. - Yep, that's absolutely right.
- Tell me it was painted pink.
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83. The glider was called The Barbara Cartland, as you can see. Yeah.
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84. - Where does she get her ideas?
- Indeed.
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85. Well, she was a flapper, she was a sort of deb.
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86. She was very much an aristocrat,
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87. part of the Bright Young Things - and they all loved to fly.
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88. - It was an expression of youth.
- "Oh, because it was extremely good fun!
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89. "I mean, just really, really good to get in a glider
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90. "and just shove a few letters out.
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91. "Lovely, rollicking, good fun."
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92. America's first airmail letters arrived by train.
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93. Now, from airmail to e-mail.
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94. What's the most effective way to do a massive data dump?
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95. - Is it...?
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96. Is it - "Give your laptop to a British civil servant
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97. "to leave in a car?"
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98. Yes, that will happen.
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99. - A data dump?
- Yeah.
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100. I'm sorry about the picture,
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101. it's nothing to do with anything lavatorial.
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102. - Where have you got that from?
- I've no idea.
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103. They just googled "data dump", and there you are.
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104. - Yeah.
- The techno turd.
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105. No, don't... Forget that whole side of it. We...
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106. - No, I'm obsessed with that image.
- It's our fault.
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107. Our picture suggests the lavatory, but it's not about that.
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108. If you want to transfer HUGE amounts of data,
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109. - what's the best way to do it?
- Dropbox.
- Dropbox, yeah.
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110. Dropbox. You send it... KLAXON
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111. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.
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112. Do you...? By data dump, do you mean to get the data somewhere else,
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113. - or do you mean to...?
- To wipe it?
- Yeah, exactly.
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114. - Oh sorry, the "wipe it" again, I mean...
- No, not to wipe it.
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115. But you always want to wipe after a data dump.
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116. I'll give you an example.
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117. Enormous data sets that come from Hubble
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118. have to be transferred to different scientists,
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119. to interpret and to render the images
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120. and all these kind of... And they're huge data sets.
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121. So, what do they use to send it? Do they use Ethernet?
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122. Do they use...? What do they use? Fibre optics?
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123. Do they just print it off?
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124. - No, that's...
- Do they put it in the Cloud?
- They don't put it...
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125. They run to a phone booth. They do all that, like in the old films.
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126. "I've got all the data. OK, have you got a pen? Listen."
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127. "OK, first thing - a star, then a bit a space, then another star..."
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128. - .. and do that for some time.
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129. What they do is they post it...
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130. in the mail, the ordinary mail.
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131. - It's quicker.
- Bradley Wiggins delivers it.
- It's quicker.
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132. It takes less than 24 hours for each transfer
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133. if you take it by mail.
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134. Whereas, to transfer the complete data set,
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135. which is 120 terabytes,
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136. it would take 111 days...
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137. - if you did it by the internet.
- To send?
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138. - You know, by e-mail.
- Yeah.
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139. That is surprising, isn't it?
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140. And we've done some calculations.
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141. FedEx or UPS, or any of those,
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142. could deliver massive amounts of information
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143. 64 times faster than the internet.
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144. Based on the weight of packages which ship every day...
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145. They're going to love you!
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146. - I hope you're getting money from them for this!
- No, it's just...
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147. I didn't... Oh, from FedEx.
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148. It all ends up on an island with Tom Hanks...
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149. "Faster than the internet." - Stephen Fry.
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150. .. for three years.
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151. Based on the weight of packages and the weight of memory cards,
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152. they could transport 2,222 terabytes per second.
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153. Now that... The whole internet, in 2016,
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154. is expected to be 34.5 terabytes a second.
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155. What's a terabyte, Stephen?
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156. - Well, you've got a byte...
- Yes.
- A byte.
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157. ..a kilobyte...
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158. And then the terror-byte!
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159. - ..a megabyte...
- Megabyte.
- Yeah. Megabyte I can do, yeah.
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160. - Yeah, a megabyte. .. and then a gigabyte...
- Yeah.
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161. .. and a terabyte...
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162. .. and then you have a petabyte, even bigger than that. Petabyte.
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163. But the expansion of memory,
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164. the expansion of processing power in computing is bewildering -
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165. partly because it doubles every two years,
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166. and do you know what that is called?
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167. It was predicted in the '60s that it would double.
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168. - A gobble, a gobble, a double gobble.
- No, there was a man who predicted
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169. - Oh, right.
- .. that it would double every two years.
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170. His name was Gordon Moore and it's called Moore's Law,
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171. - and Moore's Law...
- Oh, that's good.
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172. - That worked out well, didn't it?
- Yeah.
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173. Moore's Law has governed the astonishing rise in power
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174. and capacity in computing ever since.
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175. For a long, long time. It doubles and doubles and doubles.
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176. To give you an example of how breathtaking and bewildering it is,
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177. we've got some memory capacity here.
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178. Here... This is from the '60s
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179. and it's rather elegant in its own little way.
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180. And it would have fitted into some sort of great, big cabinet
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181. that was part of a computing system.
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182. It's called the Univac 1004.
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183. And it's a core store memory module.
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184. And how much memory do you think that contains?
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185. A byte.
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186. No, it's a lot more than that.
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187. - A gigabyte.
- A gigabyte.
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188. Oh, no, it's nothing like as big as that.
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189. - It's one kilobyte.
- A kilobyte?
- Yeah.
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190. - There's a kilobyte, too.
- What's a kilobyte?
- I don't remember.
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191. 1,000 bytes.
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192. And look. I've got here, this -
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193. which is 128 gigabytes.
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194. Can you see it? I'll put it there, it's a little...
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195. micro SD chip.
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196. And this, here,
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197. would have to weigh 140,229 metric tonnes...
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198. to carry this much information. LAUGHTER
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199. - In 1963.
- Yeah.
- That is hugely impractical.
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200. It's... Exactly.
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201. Just under six-and-a-half Ark Royal aircraft carriers...
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202. - I'd need an extension done.
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203. .. if this was what you were using.
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204. And it just shows, this is an example of Moore's Law -
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205. you go from that to that.
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206. Or maybe this.
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207. Ah! There we are.
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208. - Look at that. Isn't that beautiful?
- It is.
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209. It is a splendid piece of work, isn't it?
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210. - That's the middle of C-3PO.
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211. It's the Elliott 803 core store memory module.
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212. It was made in the early '60s, also,
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213. - and it weighs seven kilograms...
- Wow.
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214. .. and stores 20 kilobytes.
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215. Wow!
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216. - Yeah.
- How about that?
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217. - My favourite one...
- Supercomputers.
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218. ..is the Bryant Model-2 Series hard disk platter.
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219. - Mine too.
- Yeah.
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220. I love that. I've got all of them.
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221. I have a poster. Did you have the poster?
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222. - Yeah, absolutely. I was obsessed.
- I love it. I was in the club.
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223. - I had the...
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224. - There it is.
- No!
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225. THAT is a hard disk.
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226. Isn't that good?
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227. - It's a disk...
- That's ludicrous!
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228. HE KNOCKS ON DISK .. and it's hard.
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229. It's very rare for technology to double as S&M equipment, isn't it?
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230. LAUGHTER I think it's absolutely blissful.
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231. You look like a Borrower playing with a CD.
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232. I'm going to put that down again...
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233. Oh! because it's so heavy. Oh!
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234. It's made of magnesium alloy of some kind.
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235. - Careful, you'll scratch it.
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236. Yeah, I don't want to scratch it.
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237. It carried eight megabytes,
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238. so that was pretty impressive.
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239. - What's a megabyte?
- And its drive... LAUGHTER
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240. Can't remember.
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241. The drive that operated the Bryant Model-2 Series hard disk platter,
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242. the brochure boasted its short warm-up time.
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243. Which was?
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244. 15 minutes.
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245. - Oh.
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246. Well, listen, I ought to say that we are extremely grateful
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247. to the National Museum of Computing, who lent us these fabulous items.
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248. If you want a really great day out, you could do a lot worse than visit
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249. the National Museum of Computing at Bletchley -
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250. where, of course, Enigma was cracked
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251. - and it's the home of British engineering in that regard.
- Yeah.
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252. Now then, for a question about mistakes,
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253. what's the real cost of parachute jumping?
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254. A shattered pelvis?
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255. It can be.
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256. Why do most people jump off planes?
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257. - For charity.
- Charity.
- For charity.
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258. Well...
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259. Which is good, don't get me wrong. LAUGHTER
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260. Can I just say, it's only in that situation,
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261. falling out of a plane, that my hair makes sense.
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262. I've been looking for a context for this for years.
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263. - It does, doesn't it?
- Now, finally.
- Whoosh.
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264. Stephen appears quite frightened at the back there.
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265. - Well, I am...
- Are you on fire?
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266. .. because I probably know about the 1999 Perth Royal Infirmary study -
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267. which is most unfortunate.
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268. They looked at five years of charity jumps
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269. and found they resulted in injuries to 174 people, right?
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270. - Which cost the National Health Service...
- Oh, no.
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271. over £600,000.
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272. How much had they raised?
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273. The average amount raised per person for charity was £30.
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274. So, every pound raised
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275. cost the NHS roughly £13.75.
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276. Oh, that is so depressing, though.
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277. And, of course, about 70% of the jumps
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278. were raising money for NHS-related causes.
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279. - Oh, no. That is amazing.
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280. It is amazing, isn't it?
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281. The thing is, when you think about it, don't do something
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282. that is likely to injure yourself, if that's your game.
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283. "I'm having a sponsored catch-the-measles."
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284. - Sponsored...
- For Measles Relief.
- Yeah, for Measles relief.
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285. Sponsored spread cholera.
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286. - Bring typhus back... for charity.
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287. It is... Well, a lot of...
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288. I think if you've jumped out of a plane, you should pay.
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289. - Well, yes.
- But don't they pay?
- "How did you do it?"
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290. "I jumped out of a plane."Oh, well, I'm sorry, but..."
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291. A lot of them are first-time jumpers, of course,
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292. and what happens is, very often,
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293. when the ground rushes up to meet you,
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294. you forget everything you've been taught
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295. and so all the bad things you've been told could happen, happen.
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296. And you need longer training,
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297. not necessarily on the details of how to roll and drop -
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298. but on how to prepare your mind so that you don't panic.
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299. - That's the key.
- Is that a thing that they do in the paras then?
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300. So before they go behind enemy lines, are they there going,
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301. - "Hmm..."?
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302. "Just don't drop us yet, I'm not quite there."
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303. Maybe. Maybe.
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304. I mean the fact is, it's a dangerous thing to do.
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305. And in the days of, you know, those great commando parachute drops,
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306. they're unlikely to survive more than three.
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307. Well, but then there were people shooting at you then -
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308. which might actually make them more fun, these charity drops.
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309. Certainly add a bit of spice.
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310. Well, there was a dog called Rob, in 1945,
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311. and this was in Africa and Italy, in the campaign there, and he...
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312. Apparently, he did 20 drops, and he won...
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313. For the RSPCA!
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314. He won the... LAUGHTER
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315. - Yes, quite!
- Fundraising.
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316. He won the Dickin Medal, which is the VC for animals.
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317. They just open the door of the plane, throw a bone out
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318. and off he goes.
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319. But it wasn't until 2006 that it was revealed
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320. that his heroism was a hoax.
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321. - What?
- Oh.
- For morale?
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322. Well, not quite, actually. Well, sort of morale, in a way.
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323. It was that the couple from Shropshire,
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324. who had given the dog to the regiment, said,
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325. "Can we have him back, please?"
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326. And the regiment were so fond of him,
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327. they made-up all these things to show that he was indispensable.
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328. "He's a heroic dog, you will not believe what he can do."
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329. And so they went, "Oh, all right then, you'd better keep him,
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330. "I suppose. He's valuable for the war effort."
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331. - But he wasn't at all, he was just a mascot.
- Brilliant.
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332. They just liked him.
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333. Sending them pictures of him chewing Hitler's legs.
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334. Yes, that's right.
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335. After World War II, in America, they used surplus parachutes
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336. to help repopulate beavers into the wild.
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337. The idea was they'd shove them in a box.
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338. They first thought, "We'll shove them in a box and they'll fall
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339. "and then they'll gnaw their way out of the box."
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340. - Then they worried...
- This doesn't sound like sexy times to me.
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341. Just shove them in a box. They'll pull through.
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342. They worried that they'd eat through the box
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343. - while they were still in the air.
- They chucked them out of a plane?
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344. - Yeah.
- To repopulate...
- Yeah. LAUGHTER
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345. There are huge areas of wilderness.
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346. - It's incredibly hard to...
- Yes, it makes total sense.
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347. .. give them their own territory.
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348. Couldn't they have driven them there, Stephen?
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349. - They could have driven them there.
- No... Wilderness.
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350. Huge areas of wilderness. They're bigger than countries.
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351. - They're bigger than England, these...
- What, beavers?
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352. No, the parks! The parks. LAUGHTER
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353. "Bring me some massive beavers!"
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354. - The parks in which you wished to drop them.
- OK.
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355. And you want to sort of get them disposed evenly around.
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356. - Why had they been dying out?
- Oh, gosh.
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357. - People had been throwing them out of planes.
- Yeah.
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358. As you fall out, you gnaw your way out of your crate and go,
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359. "Oh, thanks a lot!"
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360. - "Well, this is the middle of...
- .. nowhere."
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361. "I've got to go all the way back to Ottawa."
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362. Until another beaver lands on your head at high velocity.
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363. The rest of the wildlife...
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364. The moose around there,
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365. "What is going on?"
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366. Beavers coming out of the sky.
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367. "My God! It's actually happening!"
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368. "It's raining beavers."
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369. Part of the moose religious texts is that that's...
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370. That's a sign of the rapture is when the beavers start dropping.
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371. Well, they had tried moving them
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372. into new territories for them by mule
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373. and they just simply got too hot and they really didn't like it at all.
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374. - They put a beaver on horseback, essentially?
- Yeah.
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375. Well, you've got to transport it somehow.
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376. - What...? How would you transport it?
- Well, I...
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377. But I don't understand why the beavers...
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378. - I don't understand any of this.
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379. They thought, "We can't..."
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380. "OK, there's no way we can drop them into a park,
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381. "other than from the sky."
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382. Or by mule, which you found also incomprehensible.
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383. Is there a man with...?
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384. Or a lady with a beaver on horseback?
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385. Or is it just a beaver on horseback?
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386. Of course there's a person.
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387. I'm confused.
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388. So, is it one beaver per mule?
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389. Because then they're repopulating the place with mules,
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390. - as far as I can work it out.
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391. Yeah, the beavers didn't want to stay.
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392. The mules have forced the beavers further along...
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393. They were relying on the mule to find its way back.
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394. More complicated than you think, this beaver transportation thing.
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395. Yeah, it is.
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396. Well, that was harder work than I expected.
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397. Now, we're off to the match and it's penalty time.
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398. For the best chance of success, where should you aim?
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399. At the ball.
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400. - And then into the goal.
- Wahey!
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401. I'm so bad at sport, my inclination would be to...
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402. I know where I'd hit it,
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403. so I would then just reverse my natural inclination.
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404. That would probably be the best.
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405. - So, a bit of game theory going on, on yourself?
- Yes.
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406. - Yeah.
- See, I'd go top right,
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407. which means that probably the best way would be bottom left...
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408. Yeah, top corner either way is not the best.
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409. Is it "at the goalie?"
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410. Yes.
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411. - Because he's going to jump...
- Yeah, because he's going to...
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412. - He's going to go.
- Because the goalkeeper nearly always
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413. - goes one way or the other.
- So you hit it straight down the middle?
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414. Straight down the middle is, far and away,
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415. the most statistical likely way of doing it.
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416. But it's odd, because footballers know this...
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417. because it's been, you know, obviously well gone over...
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418. and yet footballers don't.
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419. Is it because they just think they'd look so stupid
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420. - if they kicked it right at the keeper...
- Yes!
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421. .. and the keeper just caught it?
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422. If the one or two times out of 100,
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423. the goalkeeper does actually stay in the middle
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424. and the ball goes and hits him,
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425. the crowd would just boo their heads off
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426. and think that the penalty taker is the biggest idiot in the world.
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427. Although, statistically, he was doing exactly the right thing.
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428. So, they'd rather not look a fool. You're absolutely right.
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429. Because it's seen as 50/50.
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430. If the goalie goes the correct way and saves it,
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431. - it's still seen as all right, isn't it?
- Yes.
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432. In fact, it's 57% in one direction,
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433. 41% in the other.
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434. - Do you know which that might be?
- Left. Left-right.
- Left?
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435. - It's 57% left, yes.
- Because you...
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436. - They go left more often.
- .. use your right foot.
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437. And 2% in the middle.
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438. Three countries have an absolute
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439. 0% success record in penalty shoot-outs.
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440. They played two and lost two.
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441. - San Marino?
- No, it's Gabon...
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442. - Micronesia.
- .. Romania and Chile.
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443. But there's one country that's taken part in more than two
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444. and has the worst record of all in the world, apart from those three...
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445. - Is it England?
- .. and it's England.
- Yeah.
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446. - Why is that?
- What a surprise(!)
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447. We've only ever won one.
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448. We've won one out of eight.
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449. 12.5% success rate - as opposed to Germany, who've won 83% of theirs.
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450. Why is that then?
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451. Because, presumably, all teams have access to that
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452. very simple statistical information.
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453. Is it just the fact that it's now embedded in the psyche?
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454. - "You are weak, mentally weak."
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455. - Do you think hypnotism would help?
- Probably.
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456. - Of the keeper.
- Of the keeper, yeah.
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457. - Of the keeper, like...
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458. I think if it was me, I'd stand by one post, feigning indifference...
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459. - Having a fag.
- .. and, as they run up to take it,
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460. - I would sprint to the other post...
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461. .. surely distracting him
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462. and, if he did go that way, it would hit me on the way past.
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463. That would do it.
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464. Yep, that's the plain truth.
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465. To be successful in penalty shoot-outs,
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466. either go straight down the middle or be German.
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467. Do an impression of the world's first mime.
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468. "Come back! I'm not supposed to be saying anything. Come back!"
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469. - Is it the one where you do...?
- Oh.
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470. They do the... Is it that one?
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471. Oh, they're all doing it.
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472. You're all doing activities.
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473. Where does the word "mime" come from, do you imagine?
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474. - "Twat in white gloves?"
- Mimic?
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475. Mimic, the same root as the word mimic.
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476. You see...
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477. - Mimesis.
- Yeah.
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478. - Greek word meaning... Yes, imitation.
- Imitation, yeah.
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479. It was acting,
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480. it was full-on acting.
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481. Speech and movement and everything else.
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482. The world's first mime was a fellow called Sophron,
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483. who was much admired by Plato, amongst others.
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484. His audience don't seem to like him very much.
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485. Well, no, that's... LAUGHTER
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486. - They're punching him.
- No, I think...
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487. They're recreating that night after Top Gear.
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488. Very good. APPLAUSE
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489. In Rome, mimes were pretty amazing.
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490. Women took the female parts, which is just...
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491. - Scandalous!
- Yeah.
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492. Performers did not wear masks or formal acting shoes.
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493. Oh! Forfend!
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494. "My formal acting shoes."
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495. "What kind of formal acting shoes would you wear?"
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496. The object... Now you'll like this, Alan.
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497. The object was to get laughs, no matter how obscene...
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498. LAUGHTER .. the jokes had to be.
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499. They all had a character called the "stupidus," or fool, who was some...
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500. - Who's actually the cleverest one of them all.
- Yes. Now, exactly.
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501. Sometimes they featured adultery live on stage.
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502. Wahey!
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503. - Or a little bit less, less...
- Gets better by the minute!
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504. Less amusingly,
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505. live executions with actors replaced by condemned criminals.
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506. - Were they wearing the right shoes?
- Yes.
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507. The church excommunicated all mimes in the fifth century AD.
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508. Not a moment too soon.
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509. - Why?
- I guess, because they were pleasurable and...
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510. It's not why, it's...
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511. - It's hard because you can't scream.
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512. Anyway, if you want something, what's the magic word?
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513. "Darling..."
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514. "Please."
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515. This is something that's been researched.
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516. There is a particular word.
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517. Let's suppose that you queue-barge.
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518. Now, in general, if you queue-barge apologetically and charmingly,
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519. 60% of people will let you in without too much complaint -
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520. this was done for a queue to a photocopier -
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521. but if you used this one word in your sentence,
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522. you would get 95% of people letting you in quite happily.
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523. - Smallpox?
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524. - Letting you in...
- "I've got the smallpox. Can I get in?"
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525. Letting you in, not abandoning the queue.
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526. - It's a good thought though.
- It's probably better though.
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527. - "Unclean, unclean."
- What do you say?
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528. Do you say, "Room for a small one?"
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529. You say, "I like your blouse. Can I come in?"
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530. It's one word.
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531. "Because."
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532. "Because."Yeah, because I've got some photocopying to do."
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533. And it's obvious you've got photocopying to do,
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534. you've gone to the front of the photocopying queue,
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535. - but just saying "because" is the magic word.
- You can't...
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536. It unlocks people's objection. "Because I'm in a hurry."
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537. "Do you mind? Because I'm in a hurry."
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538. Can you turn to someone and go, "Because!"
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539. Maybe.
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540. Obviously there are...
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541. There are variables in terms of attitude and niceness.
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542. "Because!"
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543. "All right, go in front, Christ!"
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544. - He's going to do the whole musical.
- You're ever so silly. Oh, dear.
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545. Well, I can illustrate the answer, actually,
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546. because - say it's a magical word here, this is...
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547. - You know I like to do little magical moments...
- I know.
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548. .. because it's the M series here -
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549. and we've got, as you can see, MAGICAL.
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550. So, what we do is, we take all the letters from MAGICAL...
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551. As you can see, I hope.
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552. .. and we shuffle them about.
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553. - I'll have one from the bottom, please.
- Well...
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554. Or from anywhere else, please, Carol.
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555. What I'll do is, I'll give you... I'll give you the numbers,
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556. so you can call out where you want the letter to go.
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557. - Do you see?
- OK. Yes, sir.
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558. So I'll pick a letter up and you decide where it goes, all right.
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559. - Three.
- Three?
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560. One, two, three, isn't it? There. Yeah.
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561. - Smooth.
- Seven.
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562. Seven? All right. This will go in seven.
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563. One, two, three, four, five. Yeah.
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564. - One.
- One, oh...
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565. - This is what happens when you do these things.
- Four.
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566. Four? Oh, God, you had to do that, didn't you?
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567. - Yeah?
- Two.
- Two.
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568. Two? All right, all right, all right.
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569. And what are the chances? What are the chances?
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570. What are the chances?
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571. The laws of physics absolutely defied on this programme.
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572. It's frightening. LAUGHTER
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573. Now - since this whole show has been about Misconceptions -
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574. this week, we've replaced General Ignorance
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575. with a test of your M-themed general knowledge.
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576. There are lots and lots of points to be won in this quickfire round,
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577. so fingers on buzzers.
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578. What's the capital of Mexico? BUZZARD
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579. - Mexico City.
- Is the right answer.
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580. Very good. Name the deepest part of the ocean?
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581. - BUZZARD Yes?
- The Mariana...
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582. Marianas Trench or something?
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583. The Mariana Trench is the right answer.
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584. If something is genuine, it's the real...?
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585. - McCoy.
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586. Oh. KLAXON
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587. No, the original phrase is McKay.
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588. That's 42 years older than the phrase - "the real McCoy."
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589. It's from G McKay, the Scottish distillers.
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590. There you are.
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591. "A drappie o' the real McKay."
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592. So, what city can be found on the Moscow River?
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593. - BUZZER Yes?
- Moscow.
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594. Is the right answer!
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595. What's the name of Cameron Mackintosh's
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596. Abba-themed London Musical?
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597. - BUZZARD Yes?
- Mamma Mia.
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598. Mamma Mia? Oh, Alan!
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599. No, indeed. BUZZER
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600. Mamma Mia was produced by Judy Craymer -
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601. but, before that, a musical called Abbacadabra,
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602. produced by Cameron Mackintosh,
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603. - staged at the Lyric, Hammersmith, in 1983.
- Oh!
- Yeah.
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604. So, who created Miss Marple?
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605. Yes?
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606. - Agatha Christie.
- Of course.
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607. - You see, nothing to be frightened of.
- I'm scared now.
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608. That's the point...
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609. - I'm really scared.
- .. we want you scared.
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610. Agatha Christie, of course, created Miss Marple.
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611. What's the gambling capital of the world?
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612. - BUZZER Yes?
- Las Vegas.
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613. Oh! KLAXON
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614. - Oh, that was really unlucky.
- I don't know.
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615. - Is it Croydon?
- Dubai?
- "Croydon." LAUGHTER
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616. It's seven times bigger than Las Vegas.
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617. - It's Hong Kong.
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618. - No. You're in the right area.
- The other one.
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619. - What's our themed letter?
- M. M...
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620. - Macau.
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621. Audience gets the points. BUZZER
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622. - Yes.
- Where's your sheep, though? Hey!
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623. - It's Ma-cow.
- Here's me cow.
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624. - Very, very, very, very...
- Me cow.
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625. .. very amusing!
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626. Macau is the gambling capital of the world.
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627. Where's your cow?
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628. Your last chance for lots of points is a picture round.
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629. Please draw a picture of a juvenile fruit fly brain.
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630. A juvenile fruit fly brain?
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631. Yes, indeed.
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632. All right.
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633. I'll wager...
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634. that it doesn't have one.
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635. I'm going to do it...
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636. So, we've already got...
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637. We've got there, from Chris' juvenile fruit fly brain
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638. - to scale.
- I've done a banana. What have you drawn?
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639. You've got a strawberry.
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640. Well, the shattering news for you, Alan -
Copy !req
641. and it really is disappointing -
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642. is that, for once, what you usually draw could have worked.
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643. - What, it's like...
- It's a cock and balls!
- ..a cock and balls?
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644. - No!
- Yes! LAUGHTER
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645. There they are.
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646. You see, the one time you didn't.
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647. The one time you behaved. Oh, you did?
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648. - Before the show.
- Before the show.
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649. Before the show? I see.
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650. We got the cock and balls out of our system before the show.
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651. - We got that out of the way.
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652. First thing you do when you arrive. Do the cock and balls.
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653. Do the cock and balls, then you won't make a fool of yourself
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654. by drawing a cock and balls on the programme.
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655. Well, on that cock-shell, let's take a look at...
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656. Let's take a look at the scores.
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657. It's pretty exciting, because we have a clear winner,
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658. on a staggering...
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659. plus - and minus - zero,
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660. is Chris Addison. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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661. How?
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662. In second place...
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663. with a highly impressive minus six,
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664. Sue Perkins. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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665. Usually this would be good enough to win the wooden spoon, Sara,
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666. it's a brilliant first appearance to get minus 13...
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667. .. but it takes an old hand to do really, really badly at this game,
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668. - Alan Davies on minus 54!
- 54?
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669. So it's thank you from Sara, Chris, Sue, Alan and me.
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670. And I leave you with this from Charlie Brown.
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671. "Sometimes I lie awake at night and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?'
Copy !req
672. "Then a voice says to me,
Copy !req
673. " 'This is going to take more than one night.' "
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674. Goodnight.
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