1. Gooooooooooood evening,
good evening, good evening,Copy !req
2. good evening, good evening,
good eveningCopy !req
3. and welcome to an episode of QI
that's all about inventionsCopy !req
4. and discoveries - in fact,
anything that's "just the job".Copy !req
5. They say that the greatest
of all inventors is accident.Copy !req
6. With that in mind, let's meet the
tremendously timely, Jason Manford.Copy !req
7. Hello.Copy !req
8. The consistently coincidental,
Jeremy Clarkson.Copy !req
9. Thank you.Copy !req
10. The stupefyingly serendipitous
Sandi Toksvig.Copy !req
11. And an accident waiting to happen,
Alan Davies.Copy !req
12. Thank you, thank you.Copy !req
13. So, let's hear your
Alexander Graham Bells.Copy !req
14. Jason goes...Copy !req
15. It's all right. Jeremy goes...Copy !req
16. Is it going to be a car horn?Copy !req
17. No. Surprising. Sandi goes...Copy !req
18. I want something trim.Copy !req
19. Good guess. And Alan goes...Copy !req
20. Ride Of The Valkyries
by WagnerCopy !req
21. Oh.Copy !req
22. Oh.Copy !req
23. I could listen to this for ever.
He loves this one.Copy !req
24. It's a 14 and a half hour...Copy !req
25. Orgasm. It's a Wagner ringtone.Copy !req
26. Isn't that wonderful? I could
listen to that for ever.Copy !req
27. Anyway, so, let's begin with
an interesting question.Copy !req
28. What were chainsaws
originally invented for?Copy !req
29. Proctology.Copy !req
30. Wow! That's scary.
Yeah, that's a...Copy !req
31. Slicing an arse in half. Yeah.Copy !req
32. Well, do you know, you were in
the right area. Really?Copy !req
33. I have to say. I mean...
Circumcision.Copy !req
34. What I mean is, you began
straight away with medicine.Copy !req
35. You didn't say trees or, you know,
cutting down, you know, buildings.Copy !req
36. Oh, cutting off legs.
So, like bones and...Copy !req
37. Bones is the right answer.Copy !req
38. Yes, in particular it was
a rather unpleasant procedure.Copy !req
39. Oh, don't, it'll be a boy thing
against a girl thing. It will be.Copy !req
40. Well, not against, in order to...
Well, no, no, but it...Copy !req
41. It was doctors trying to help.Copy !req
42. Oh, I know what it is.
I know what it is.Copy !req
43. It'll be a boy thinking a woman's
taking far too long over labourCopy !req
44. going, "Oh, I can't stand all that
panting, I know,Copy !req
45. "we'll get a chainsaw and just cut
that baby out." That's what it is.Copy !req
46. Do you know, you're
absolutely right.Copy !req
47. Oh, my God!Copy !req
48. It was in... It was in 1783.Copy !req
49. That's no excuse!Copy !req
50. It was two Scots doctors called
John Aitken and James Jeffrey,Copy !req
51. and it was called a symphysiotomy
and it was a procedureCopy !req
52. to widen the pelvis if the baby's
head was too large to pass through.Copy !req
53. Oh, can you hear the high tone of
all those sighs in the audience?Copy !req
54. What I like about this picture...
It's a bit eye-watering.Copy !req
55. It's a ladies' ward, so of course
there is some baking going onCopy !req
56. on the left-hand side. Yes.Copy !req
57. Oh, that's right, there is.Copy !req
58. A little cake display case
of buns in the oven, Stephen,Copy !req
59. you see what I did there.
Buns in the oven!Copy !req
60. They didn't really, darling?
I'm afraid they did.Copy !req
61. When I say chainsaw,
it was literally a chain,Copy !req
62. it was like a watch chain in fact.
Ah, right. It was an up and down...Copy !req
63. So it wasn't a full
lumberjack giving it...Copy !req
64. ..it's a boy!Copy !req
65. They hadn't yet invented
the internal combustion engine.Copy !req
66. And caesarean sections, they were...Copy !req
67. Caesarean sections have replaced
the same idea, that the... Phew.Copy !req
68. Yes, quite, exactly.
It's a bit of a relief.Copy !req
69. It would have been easier to do
the caesarean section, I think.Copy !req
70. Sawing the pelvic bone in half
is not as easy as maybe justCopy !req
71. a small incision in... I know, you
would have thought they have...Copy !req
72. Pop it out of the sun roof.Copy !req
73. But this was before
antiseptic surgeryCopy !req
74. and of course it was before
any kind of anaesthetic.Copy !req
75. Was there not a meeting?
You know what I mean?Copy !req
76. There was not a meeting where
someone goes, "I've got it."Copy !req
77. And they go, "What?" And they go,
"chainsaw, innit?"Copy !req
78. Well, they looked at a watch chain
and they said, you know, if you can,Copy !req
79. we could sort of ease away the bone
like that, rather than using a saw.Copy !req
80. I know, everyone's wincing.Copy !req
81. Have we got another question that
isn't about that?Copy !req
82. Would it heal? Presumably
not very well.Copy !req
83. Well, they then went on to use
the same thing, for example,Copy !req
84. if someone had a bit of diseased
bone, they would do the same thing,Copy !req
85. they would sort of take it and
they'd go up and down like that,Copy !req
86. and then they'd do it lower down and
the two bits would fuse together,Copy !req
87. and they'd have a stiff arm, but it
would get rid of the diseased bone.Copy !req
88. It was called an osteotome.Copy !req
89. It eventually became like a
chainsaw, you can see one here.Copy !req
90. That is more like a chainsaw.
My God! You don't want that...Copy !req
91. Pretty unpleasant. You don't want
that coming at you.Copy !req
92. You really don't.
You really, really don't.Copy !req
93. I remember my wife had a baby,
I remember it well...Copy !req
94. I was going to say. Yeah...
Kind of thing you wouldn't forget.Copy !req
95. It was a grand day,
but when she had a baby,Copy !req
96. and there's a point where
you go in to see the fellaCopy !req
97. who's going to sort it out
on the day. Obstetrician?Copy !req
98. That's him, yeah, he's got
an official title.Copy !req
99. And you go and see him, and as
the husband, he says,Copy !req
100. "Right, you sit there on a chair."Copy !req
101. And then he pulls the curtain acrossCopy !req
102. while him and your wife
are in this thing,Copy !req
103. while he has a little dabble,
or whatever he's doing.Copy !req
104. It's a bit intimate, isn't it?
You go, "I've seen it, mate."Copy !req
105. Do you know what I mean? There's
nothing... This is why we're here.Copy !req
106. Well, you don't look when that
happens though, do you,Copy !req
107. at the moment of conception?
Do you actually have a look?Copy !req
108. You're looking into...Copy !req
109. Surely... Surely... Sorry.Copy !req
110. I think I was watching...Copy !req
111. Stephen doesn't need to know,
Jason, he doesn't need to know.Copy !req
112. Well, I thought you were gazing
lovingly into her eyes while...Copy !req
113. Gazing lovingly... Gazing
lovingly at the Bourne Identity,Copy !req
114. which is still on the television.Copy !req
115. As you reach for your drink.
Oh, I'm...Copy !req
116. What do you think, darling,Copy !req
117. that he's got a periscope at
the moment of...?Copy !req
118. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, look...Copy !req
119. I don't know why you and I
are having this conversation.Copy !req
120. It's true.Copy !req
121. After the invention of the
internal combustion engine,Copy !req
122. where we're getting Jeremy
to his home territory now,Copy !req
123. eventually by 1920
they were small enoughCopy !req
124. to be able to have a hand-powered...
chain. Cut down trees.Copy !req
125. And then they cut down trees.
Exactly. Yes.Copy !req
126. Well, anyway, there you are.Copy !req
127. Chainsaws were originally
invented for midwives.Copy !req
128. Staying in that
general area, unfortunately,Copy !req
129. explain how an electric
jockstrap works.Copy !req
130. Is there going to be
a demonstration?Copy !req
131. Do you know, I kind of wish there
were.Is that what this is?Copy !req
132. No. Argh, oh!Copy !req
133. That's what this is.Copy !req
134. Is it a warming thing, or...?Copy !req
135. An electric anything takes us
into a period of time.Copy !req
136. Galvanism. It's Victorian,
galvanism. Galvan, exactly.Copy !req
137. Everybody thought electricity
would cure everything,Copy !req
138. stimulate everything
and achieve everything.Copy !req
139. And so at the back of every
newspaper, there was an electricalCopy !req
140. something, a galvanic bath, but
these were electric jockstraps.Copy !req
141. Well, presumably, because they had
all sorts of things to stop boysCopy !req
142. playing with themselves,
it must have been...Copy !req
143. That would stop you, wouldn't it?
It would stop you, wouldn't it,Copy !req
144. if you had a shock in your pants?
No, I'm thinking it might be nice.Copy !req
145. Yes. Oh, really? You're
spot-on. We men know that.Copy !req
146. Because there are certain code
words in Victorian English.Copy !req
147. "Nervous and general debility,
lost vigour, decline,Copy !req
148. "and the whole train
of gloomy attendants,"Copy !req
149. was standard code for impotence.Copy !req
150. Enter the Heidelberg electric belt.Copy !req
151. There it is.Copy !req
152. It's a bit high up, isn't it? Yes.Copy !req
153. Oh, I see, so actually there's
the thing down there.Copy !req
154. That's really kind of buzzing away
in the important area.Copy !req
155. And that is actually going to cause
you to, well, I'm afraidCopy !req
156. the phrase is probably embarrassing,
they advise "semenal economy".Copy !req
157. They're advising against...
Is that with easyJet? Yeah.Copy !req
158. They're advising againstCopy !req
159. "wantonly jettisoning too much
nervous substance."Copy !req
160. Which basically...
Is that what they called it?Copy !req
161. That's code for semen. In other
words, it's essentially a sex toy.Copy !req
162. "Wantonly jettisoning." It is...Copy !req
163. Don't wantonly jettison
your nervous substance.Copy !req
164. I like the idea of nervous semen
just coming out going...Copy !req
165. "Woaaah."Copy !req
166. He's quite camp.Copy !req
167. Perhaps he's having problems
with his virilityCopy !req
168. cos he's sleeping with the wrong
sex. Well, it might be that.Copy !req
169. But that genuinely was an item,
as you can see, hugely advertised,Copy !req
170. there were lots of different...Copy !req
171. So is it designed then to lift
the dormant chap or to de-nervifyCopy !req
172. the semen? It's basically
designed saying,Copy !req
173. "Would you like to enjoy
the experience of a little bitCopy !req
174. "of a tingling down there
that maybe has disappeared?"Copy !req
175. But it probably was just like,Copy !req
176. "That's a damn good thing to
take to a hotel room."Copy !req
177. Why have they gone out of fashion?
I know.Copy !req
178. Are these still for sale?Copy !req
179. I feel like if Ann Summers
did them, you could see,Copy !req
180. not in the upstairs bit, the
downstairs bit of Ann Summers...Copy !req
181. Tell me about this,
Jason, because I...Copy !req
182. Well, upstairs is like, just like
chocolate willies and that.Copy !req
183. Downstairs... someone's going
to get hurt, Stephen.Copy !req
184. Really? I've never been in an Ann
Summers. You'd think it would beCopy !req
185. the other way round, you'd have to
go upstairs... No, you come inCopy !req
186. at ground floor level.
I'm only going off our nearest
12 branches.Copy !req
187. Yes, right.Copy !req
188. But, yeah, that's the normal one.Copy !req
189. And then you sort of pop downstairs,
you know, anniversaryCopy !req
190. or whatever... Gracious.Copy !req
191. But the other thing about that
is you got ten days free trial.Copy !req
192. Wow! I don't know if you can see,
but it's actually printed there.Copy !req
193. What if you send it back
and it goes to somebody else?Copy !req
194. That's what I'm worried about
with the free trial.Copy !req
195. I know, exactly. You're using
a used one.Copy !req
196. It is going to get much more
acceptable and decent,Copy !req
197. this programme, I promise you,
as we move on. So anyway,Copy !req
198. what was your great-grandmother
doing down the back of the sofa?Copy !req
199. Was she, um... Was she a Borrower?Copy !req
200. Was she a Borrower?
No, she wasn't a Borrower.Copy !req
201. I come from a particularly
small family,Copy !req
202. and we lost many, in various
pieces of furniture.Copy !req
203. I had an aunt went through a cane
chair, we never saw her again.Copy !req
204. Was she dead and been
cremated and you spilt it?Copy !req
205. What was happening around the time
of one's great-grandmother,Copy !req
206. what sort of...? They were using
the elderly to stuff sofas.Copy !req
207. About 100 years ago, families began
to do a thing in order to registerCopy !req
208. their lives and formalise
their existences, after weddings...Copy !req
209. Photographs. Photographs, exactly.
So Victorian...Copy !req
210. And particularly their babies,Copy !req
211. they liked to have their
babies photographed,Copy !req
212. but exposure times were quite long
and how do you keep a baby still?Copy !req
213. Oh, I've seen this! This is
this weird thing. Heroin.Copy !req
214. There's loads of pictures of them.Copy !req
215. They've got like sheets
over their head. Yes.Copy !req
216. And they're sort of holding
the child in place. Exactly.Copy !req
217. They're called
"hidden mother photographs".Copy !req
218. They're terrifying. There's
a website of them. Yes.Copy !req
219. And they're terrifying, yeah. Look
at that. Look, there's one. Oh, wow!Copy !req
220. That's horrible! It's like
a woman in a burqa.Copy !req
221. Yes. It's horrible. Extraordinary.Copy !req
222. There's the mother pretending to be
a sofa or an item of furniture,Copy !req
223. keeping her baby quiet
and still enoughCopy !req
224. for the exposure time
of the photograph.Copy !req
225. We've got another one where the
mother looks a bit like a carpet.Copy !req
226. I mean, it's really. There...Copy !req
227. That's not even a baby!
I know, it's a young girl.Copy !req
228. There is a whole class of these.
Yeah.Copy !req
229. "Don't move, you bitch, don't move."Copy !req
230. And you, Jason, definitely
get the points thereCopy !req
231. for having known about them.
It's terrifying.Copy !req
232. They are rather peculiar. It's
brilliant though, there's hundredsCopy !req
233. and they're all sinister, like,
rather than just let the kidCopy !req
234. stand by itself, you've gone,
"Go and stand with that ghost." Yes.Copy !req
235. It's weird. Well, the mother
will be talking to the child,Copy !req
236. saying, "It's all right, darling,
sit still, I'm going to hold you."Copy !req
237. The chair's talking!Copy !req
238. "I am a sofa, ha-ha-ha!"Copy !req
239. We have for you probably the first
ever photograph of a human being,Copy !req
240. which is rather exciting.Copy !req
241. It's from the 1840s and it's
by Louis Daguerre himself.Copy !req
242. He took a photograph, in those days
very long exposure,Copy !req
243. and all the people who were there
would have moved through as a blur,Copy !req
244. you wouldn't have seen,
but there is a boot boyCopy !req
245. with a customer with his leg up as
it were, and you can see thatCopy !req
246. and we can probably circle it for
you and give it a little bit of a...Copy !req
247. And that is the first human being,Copy !req
248. or pair of human beings,
ever photographed.Copy !req
249. It's rather wonderful, isn't it?
Cor. How long's he take doing them
shoes, then?Copy !req
250. Yeah, I know. It's surprising.Copy !req
251. It was a ten-minute
exposure, in fact. Oh, OK.Copy !req
252. That's not too bad then.Copy !req
253. It was in 1838, that's how
long ago it was. Wow.Copy !req
254. And we have a photograph for you
and you have to identifyCopy !req
255. who the person is in the photograph,
which... Who's that?Copy !req
256. Is that Bruce Forsyth?Copy !req
257. It's not Bruce Forsyth, no.
In the early years.Copy !req
258. It's quite surprising,Copy !req
259. it's someone you would not imagine
there would be a photograph of.Copy !req
260. OK. Can you give us a country?
He's British.Copy !req
261. He was Prime Minister
of the United Kingdom.Copy !req
262. Oh, Prime Minister of Britain.Copy !req
263. But he was from an Irish family.
Actually the Duke of Wellington.Copy !req
264. Wow! Duke of Wellington.
Yeah. The victor of Waterloo.Copy !req
265. As an old man. He looks surprisingly
benign, considering his reputation.Copy !req
266. But isn't it amazing there is a
photograph of him? I had no idea.Copy !req
267. Yeah. It's rather fabulous.
That's just a great picture.Copy !req
268. It is actually a lovely picture,
isn't it? It is, yeah.Copy !req
269. Anyway, let's move onto something
very, very different.Copy !req
270. Name something interesting
you can do with a Slinky.Copy !req
271. Well, it's a...
Well, you can't untangle it.Copy !req
272. That's certainly... Oh, God, I got
through so many as a child.Copy !req
273. They're the most, it is the most...
Wasn't it? Oh.Copy !req
274. You go to the top of the stairs, and
go, "Look at this, it's, oh, no!"Copy !req
275. And then that would be it and your
toy... We've given you some stairs,Copy !req
276. you can take your stairs and your
Slinky out and demonstrate.Copy !req
277. Oh, wow. There may be young people
in the audienceCopy !req
278. who've never had the excitement.
You're going to love this.Copy !req
279. You can attach it to your... This
is, I'm going back, look at that!Copy !req
280. Yay!Copy !req
281. Isn't that fun?
They're the best things.Copy !req
282. Oh, dear, you may have pointed
it in the wrong direction.Copy !req
283. I'm literally the happiest
man in the world. Brilliant.Copy !req
284. Hey!Copy !req
285. But he invented this out of, he was
a suspension designer, wasn't he?Copy !req
286. He was a naval officer,
his name is Richard James.Copy !req
287. And it was in 194...Copy !req
288. It's called the Alan Effect.Copy !req
289. No! You don't do it like that.Copy !req
290. You lift the top.Copy !req
291. Somebody go and get him
a Raleigh trike.Copy !req
292. How can you not work a Slinky?Copy !req
293. How can you not do that?Copy !req
294. Yeah!Copy !req
295. Can you imagine giving this
to a child now and going,Copy !req
296. "That's it, that's your gift.
Happy Christmas."Copy !req
297. Whatever you do, don't attach
it to your electric jockstrap.Copy !req
298. No, absolutely. Didn't he
invent it by accident? Yes.Copy !req
299. He was making coiled springs
and he invented...Copy !req
300. He was an American naval officer
and he literally knocked overCopy !req
301. a spring, and it went for a walk,
and he thought,Copy !req
302. "Oh, that's interesting." And so he
developed and he experimentedCopy !req
303. and he came up with the Slinky.
And more than... Look, to be fair,Copy !req
304. it was his wife who thought it would
make a good toy. Yes, it's true.Copy !req
305. Let us remember that sometimes women
get overlooked in these things.Copy !req
306. More than 300 million were sold,
which is an incredible number.Copy !req
307. All to me, cos I kept breaking them.Copy !req
308. Yeah, I know, because they tangle
up. Now if you'll put them away...Copy !req
309. Do you mind if I keep the stairs?Copy !req
310. Because there's a few shelves in the
kitchen that I still can't reach.Copy !req
311. You're very welcome.Copy !req
312. But what we do have is a very
extraordinary effect that happensCopy !req
313. if you drop a Slinky, which
is that when you let go of it,Copy !req
314. the bottom does not move.Copy !req
315. Watch the film and you'll see
what I mean.Copy !req
316. It's actually really astonishing.Copy !req
317. It's a very peculiar effect.Copy !req
318. Watch the bottom of the Slinky,
as it actually happens,Copy !req
319. in very high speed camera.Copy !req
320. The bottom is completely still.
Isn't that amazing? Oh, wow.Copy !req
321. Wow! That is a really
bizarre effect.Copy !req
322. And they can't really explain
quite why that happens.Copy !req
323. Oh, I bet James May could.Copy !req
324. "No, no, you see,
the thing is..." Oh, God!Copy !req
325. Is there a use for this discovery?Copy !req
326. Maybe Jason's idea
of crossing itCopy !req
327. with the Heidelberg
electric jockstrapCopy !req
328. may result in a really quite
remarkable experience.Copy !req
329. You'll see me on the next series
of Dragons' Den. Yeah.Copy !req
330. "I have jettisoned wantonly,
but it hasn't hit the floor."Copy !req
331. It is a great phrase,
"wantonly to jettison," isn't it?Copy !req
332. It really is marvellous. Anyway.Copy !req
333. Now, we've got more toys to play
with, so put the Slinky away.Copy !req
334. I'm going to ask you, basically,
this simple question,Copy !req
335. why are jerries better
than flimsies? Jerry?Copy !req
336. When we say a jerry, there are
jerries, jerry...? Jerry cans.Copy !req
337. Jerry cans. Jerry cans.Copy !req
338. And what were jerry cans?
Well, it's for petrol.Copy !req
339. It's a thing that was used
in the war, wasn't it? By whom?Copy !req
340. Well, presumably by the Germans.Copy !req
341. That's... We eventually used them,
but firstly by the Germans.Copy !req
342. And we had something else
called the flimsy.Copy !req
343. And unfortunately, the flimsy
was absolutely cack.Copy !req
344. But didn't the name give it away?Copy !req
345. We only won the war by nicking
all their ideas.Copy !req
346. Yeah. On the left is a jerry can.Copy !req
347. And there on the right is a flimsy.Copy !req
348. And General Auchinleck, who was
the predecessor of MontgomeryCopy !req
349. in the Eighth Army, actually said
this about the flimsy. He said,Copy !req
350. "The flimsy is an ill-constructed
container for carrying fuel,"Copy !req
351. he said, "leaked 30%
of its fuel between baseCopy !req
352. "and consumer, with huge
consequences in lost lives,Copy !req
353. "battles and shipping."Copy !req
354. So British soldiers basically
spent their lifeCopy !req
355. trying to steal the jerry can -Copy !req
356. to the extent the Germans started
booby-trapping them,Copy !req
357. cos they knew that the British
wanted to steal them,Copy !req
358. cos they were the most desirable
object, the jerry can.Copy !req
359. I have two of them for you.Copy !req
360. They are absolutely astonishing,
incredible inventions.Copy !req
361. Basically they're a
single weld, like this.Copy !req
362. They have this fabulous cap,
they have an inner lining,Copy !req
363. which means they can carry
water or petrol.Copy !req
364. This thing opens and what's called
a donkey dick comes out.Copy !req
365. It was nicknamed the donkey dick.
But rather cleverly... So similar.Copy !req
366. It's been a hell of a show
for me, I tell you.Copy !req
367. But even, I mean, they have
this little indentation here.Copy !req
368. What do you think that does?
Strength. It strengthens it,Copy !req
369. but also in heat, it... It allows it
to expand. It allows it to expand.Copy !req
370. And the handles are absolute genius,
because if you have two empty ones,Copy !req
371. you can hold them together
using the handles.Copy !req
372. One here... I'm going to stand up
like so... Standing.Copy !req
373. So you simply hold them like that,
using that, but also,Copy !req
374. when you're holding it, you hand it
to someone else, there's a handle.Copy !req
375. You simply take it, like that.
Oh, I see. And they are...Copy !req
376. Getting the donkey's dick
out now, sir.Copy !req
377. You won't be able to,
it's really, really stiff.Copy !req
378. God!Copy !req
379. It's amazing! It's a real talent.Copy !req
380. I'm so sorry. How do I do it?
I don't know how you do it.Copy !req
381. It's amazing. I love it.Copy !req
382. But it is genuinely one of the
most brilliant designs ever made.Copy !req
383. It's never been improved. But they
still lost. They still did lose.Copy !req
384. One of the reasons they lost
is that by the end of the war,Copy !req
385. we produced 21 million of
the jerry cans, and I will quoteCopy !req
386. President Roosevelt, who said,
"Without these cans, it wouldCopy !req
387. "have been impossible for our armies
to cut their way across FranceCopy !req
388. "at a lightning pace which exceeded
even the German blitzkrieg of 1940."Copy !req
389. So, basically, we won the war by
stealing the Germans' jerry can,Copy !req
390. because the movement of vehiclesCopy !req
391. and, therefore, of petrol is
absolutely essential in war.Copy !req
392. So is that where the word... so the
word flimsy's come from that? No.Copy !req
393. No. Flimsy existed as a word. OK.Copy !req
394. They were called flimsies because
they were just so shite.Copy !req
395. Oh, I see, right. They were just
square metal boxesCopy !req
396. that rotted and leaked and were
useless. OK.Copy !req
397. And these designs were, I mean
almost every aspect of them...Copy !req
398. And not only that, they floated,
which the British ones didn't do.Copy !req
399. So the Germans could drop them
at sea or in rivers...Copy !req
400. I mean, they were kind of
the iPod of the day,Copy !req
401. they were just the most
perfect design imaginable.Copy !req
402. On the other hand, what's the least
promising invention in history?Copy !req
403. Something that people thought
wasn't going to be a success?Copy !req
404. Yeah, least welcomed and then turned
out to be most successful.Copy !req
405. It wasn't the energy-saving
light bulb?Copy !req
406. Because that's one, that's an
invention that for me...Copy !req
407. Yeah, but that's been forced
upon us, hasn't it? Yes.Copy !req
408. And it's the worst invention.Copy !req
409. "I need this room to be light
in about an hour." Yeah.Copy !req
410. I leave them on 24 hours a day
so that I can read a bookCopy !req
411. when I go to bed at night.Copy !req
412. This was invented by a man
called Sylvan Goldberg,Copy !req
413. but you wouldn't think of it
as an inventionCopy !req
414. and yet I suppose it is,
and it's the shopping trolley.Copy !req
415. And men thought it was effeminate
to walk around a shopCopy !req
416. pushing a trolley, and women
thought it was an insultCopy !req
417. to their ability to carry a basket.Copy !req
418. "Perfectly capable of carrying
baskets, I don't need to do it."Copy !req
419. So he invented it in 1938,
and for two yearsCopy !req
420. he paid people basically just
to wander round supermarketsCopy !req
421. or the early shops wheeling them so
people got used to the sight of it.Copy !req
422. And then he died in 1984. Did he
pay them to wear those clothes?Copy !req
423. Someone must have paid her to wear
that outfit, I would have thought.Copy !req
424. Sylvan Goldberg died in 1984
worth $400 million.Copy !req
425. Wow! Oh, wow. That's a lot of pound
coins. So, he kept the... Yes.Copy !req
426. Very good. It's a lot of clogged
canals, is what it is.Copy !req
427. It's a lot of clogged canals
as well, yes. So it did work.Copy !req
428. Another example was bubble gum,Copy !req
429. which was invented by a man
called Frank Fleer in 1906.Copy !req
430. He called it "Blibber-Blubber."Copy !req
431. But unfortunately, his particular
recipe meant that onceCopy !req
432. the bubble had burst, you had to
use turpentine to get it off.Copy !req
433. Which is in itself toxic anyway.
That's brilliant.Copy !req
434. Have you ever got any form of
gum, particularly nicotine gum...Copy !req
435. In your hair? No, on the screen
of an iPhone? Oh, no. Is that...?Copy !req
436. That's what I want an invention for,
I've just decided.Copy !req
437. If you get the gum on
the front of an iPhone,Copy !req
438. there is no way of removing it.
Hammer, chisel.Copy !req
439. There must be an app.Copy !req
440. The nicotine gum removal app.
Very good. Very good.Copy !req
441. And I think Sandi will
approve of this as well,Copy !req
442. we ought to hear it for
Mary Anderson. 1903.Copy !req
443. Ah, Mary Anderson. Do you know
about Mary Anderson? I do.Copy !req
444. Tell me about her. She invented
the windscreen wiper.Copy !req
445. You're absolutely,
you are a fountain of...Copy !req
446. Well, what I love about that is
that it had to be a womanCopy !req
447. who invented the windscreen wiper,
because, up until then,Copy !req
448. men had been going, "Don't be silly,
dear, I can see perfectly well."Copy !req
449. So, of course it was a woman
who invented it.Copy !req
450. Unfortunately, yes,
she noticed tram drivers,Copy !req
451. street car drivers having to stop
and move snow awayCopy !req
452. and she invented it in 1903,Copy !req
453. and really there just
weren't enough cars.Copy !req
454. And by the time it was useful,
her patent had elapsed,Copy !req
455. so she made not a cent from it. Oh.Copy !req
456. It's the same as Dorothy Levitt,
who invented the rear view mirror.Copy !req
457. So women enabled you to see where
you were going and where you'd been.Copy !req
458. Oh, they did it to do
their lipstick, come on.Copy !req
459. Dorothy Levitt recommended that
you take your compact mirrorCopy !req
460. and place it on the dash so that
you could see behind youCopy !req
461. and she was the person who invented
the rear view mirror.Copy !req
462. But again, she didn't make any money
out of it,Copy !req
463. because there was no patent
available for it.Copy !req
464. I'm very impressed you knew about
Mary Anderson. Thank you very much.Copy !req
465. And we should indeed pay
due courtesy to her.Copy !req
466. Anyway, what about
the dry-ear ear dryer?Copy !req
467. It's a machine to dry your ears. OK.Copy !req
468. "Drying your ears has never been
simpler or more effective,Copy !req
469. "the device blows hot air
into your ear."Copy !req
470. Although the instructions advise you
to dry your ears first with a towel.Copy !req
471. Is this contemporary, is this
modern? Yes, it's a real invention.Copy !req
472. All you need's a tube, don't you?
But it's modern? Modern, yeah.Copy !req
473. You just need a tube. Yeah.
Or a hairdryer would do the job.Copy !req
474. You don't even need that, Stephen,
you just need a tube.Copy !req
475. But most people have hairdryers.
Yeah, but a tube, just a tube!Copy !req
476. A tube would do it.
I know, you're right.Copy !req
477. Anyway, here's
a marvellous question,Copy !req
478. what was wrong with the first
sound recording device?Copy !req
479. Didn't work? Didn't have
any speakers?Copy !req
480. Well, it was that it recorded
sound perfectly well...Copy !req
481. But you couldn't play it back.
Yes. Play it back.Copy !req
482. You couldn't play it back.
A man called Martinville,Copy !req
483. he was a Frenchman,Copy !req
484. he used burnt soot and it
registered sound waves on it.Copy !req
485. But they sort of scratched it out,
didn't they?Copy !req
486. But recently it was reverse
engineered and engineersCopy !req
487. managed to get the sound back
of him singing Au Clair de la Lune.Copy !req
488. Is that the thing they played
on Radio 4 and Charlotte GreenCopy !req
489. cried with laughter, was it? Would
you like to hear that moment?Copy !req
490. It was one of my favourite
moments of all time.Copy !req
491. Unfortunately, she had to announce
the death of Abby MannCopy !req
492. and she couldn't help
corpsing, bless her.Copy !req
493. So listen to this, cos you'll hear
the oldest-ever sound recordingCopy !req
494. plus the unfortunate event
that followed.Copy !req
495. American historians
have discovered what they thinkCopy !req
496. is the earliest recording of
the human voice, made on a deviceCopy !req
497. which scratched sound waves onto
paper blackened by smoke.Copy !req
498. It was made in 1860, 17 years before
Thomas Edison first demonstratedCopy !req
499. the gramophone, and featured an
excerpt from a French song,Copy !req
500. Au Clair de la Lune.Copy !req
501. The...
The award-winning screenwriter,Copy !req
502. Abby Mann, has died
at the age of 80. Oh, no.Copy !req
503. He won an Academy Award in 1961
for Judgment at Nuremberg.Copy !req
504. Excuse me, sorry.Copy !req
505. Abby Mann also won several
Emmys, including...Copy !req
506. Including
one in 1973 for...Copy !req
507. For a film which featured a...Copy !req
508. A police
detective called...Copy !req
509. The character, on whom
a long-running TV seriesCopy !req
510. was eventually based.Copy !req
511. Charlotte Green's
great contribution.Copy !req
512. There's somebody in the corner
of the room going...Copy !req
513. "We haven't got it, we're going to
have to go with the item anyway.Copy !req
514. "I'll do it, I'll do it, I'll do it,
I know what it sounds like."Copy !req
515. "They'll never know, they'll
never know. Don't laugh."Copy !req
516. So this one you could record into
it, but then nobody could hear it?
Yes.Copy !req
517. Could you not just get that for
Jedward, like for their next album?Copy !req
518. They have a lovely day out, that's
fine. Everything would be perfect.Copy !req
519. Nobody has to suffer. You're right.
You're absolutely right.Copy !req
520. OK, so now we're going
to go for a jolly jape,Copy !req
521. and I have an extraordinary pendulum
swing that my friends hereCopy !req
522. are going to bring on and I'm going
to show you a remarkable action.Copy !req
523. It's handmade by our chief
science elf, Will Bowen,Copy !req
524. who's a bit of a genius, and it's an
effect that was first notedCopy !req
525. by Galileo, that's how old it is.
But you don't see many of theseCopy !req
526. and I think it would make
a great executive toy.Copy !req
527. So I'm going to lay this down here,Copy !req
528. and push it and let go.Copy !req
529. And it will start to go in this
rather beautiful...Copy !req
530. Look at that, isn't that lovely?
Oh, wow.Copy !req
531. But, it's better than that, because
then it starts to get a bit,Copy !req
532. get a bit ordinary.Copy !req
533. And then it starts to move into
a different sort of rhythmCopy !req
534. and then they start to get
in step, like that.Copy !req
535. Ooh, look at that, they're starting
to move together again.Copy !req
536. But then something really
amazing happens as well,Copy !req
537. which is they go back
into their wave formation,Copy !req
538. which is about to happen.Copy !req
539. It's a whole long process,
but it's utterly predictableCopy !req
540. and it follows very specific
laws of physics.Copy !req
541. And here it goes
back into its waves again. Wow.Copy !req
542. Look at that.Copy !req
543. I think that's pretty
amazing, isn't it?Copy !req
544. And it will carry on doing that,
as you can see,Copy !req
545. it will carry on going through
those cycles behind us,Copy !req
546. and it's a principle, as I say,
that Galileo worked out.Copy !req
547. The central bob makes
60 swings in a minute.Copy !req
548. The one to its left does 59
in 60 seconds, and so on.Copy !req
549. And it means after one minute
they're back to where they started.Copy !req
550. It doesn't matter how far
you push a pendulum,Copy !req
551. it still takes the
same amount of timeCopy !req
552. to swing from one side to the other.Copy !req
553. And it's using that that makes
it go in and out of syncCopy !req
554. in these different ways. There it
is. It's the Galileo Pendulum,Copy !req
555. and wouldn't it make
a great executive toy?Copy !req
556. Well, that's all the inventions
we've got time for this weekCopy !req
557. except, of course, for the scores.Copy !req
558. And believe me,
these are not invented,Copy !req
559. much as though people may believe
it, the scores are rigorouslyCopy !req
560. and scientifically worked out.Copy !req
561. And in first place, with an
extraordinary plus 13Copy !req
562. is Sandi Toksvig.Copy !req
563. Wow!Copy !req
564. And only ten points behind
in second place with plus three,Copy !req
565. Jeremy Clarkson. A plus!Copy !req
566. Why am I clapping?Copy !req
567. And very impressive from
Jason Manford, with plus two! Wow!Copy !req
568. I don't know how I got that.Copy !req
569. And I'm afraid the smallest swing
of the pendulum,Copy !req
570. minus eight, Alan Davies.Copy !req
571. And that's all from Jason,
Jeremy, Sandi, Alan and me.Copy !req
572. Thank you, be extremely kind to
each other for ever, and goodnight.Copy !req