Pure Pwnage 1x7

Directed by Graeme Lynch

Jeremy's life changes when he loses to someone playing StarCraft and has to seek Kyle's guidance on how to live like a n00b.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Ok noobs let's go go go!

2. I'm just gonna be chain-pulling stuff so.. Joel make sure to off-tank any flamewalkers as soon as they come in..

3. Derek just sheep any adds.. and do your best to maybe not get us all killed again

4. Who does he think he is?

5. Oh yeah you like that pwnage? Oh yeah I know you like that Gnomer..

6. Oh Gnomer wants some more pwnage?

7. Derek you're a bit slow on the sheeps.. like you're definitely licking both my balls..

8. but maybe if you speed up a bit I'll pull one out of your mouth

9. Derek! Derek sheep that add!

10. OMFG noob sheep that add!

11. Which one? Where is it? I don't see it..

12. Ok I'm dead I can't sheep anything..

13. I'm gonna go kill myself right now..

14. Way to go Leroy..

15. Jeremy?

16. Jeremy?

17. Can you tell me where you were just now?

18. I was having like.. this dream.. I was in Gnomeregan..

19. I was like a tank.. and it was just a small party of guys, y'know..

20. Everything was going fine y'know.. but the mage just wasn't quick enough with the sheeping and..

21. pulled a bunch of adds and we were just about to wipe..

22. And were you angry in the dream?

23. Well.. I mean I wasn't happy.. like the mage is supposed to be on the ball y'know.. you gotta sheep the adds as they come y'know..

24. But no he just leaves an Engineer to sit there.. of course he's gonna pull a bunch of adds and get us wiped, y'know..

25. To be honest it makes me kinda wanna PK his ass y'know..

26. PK? What does that mean?

27. Well like.. y'know.. kill him..

28. You want to kill somebody?

29. Well.. yeah

30. Such a noob.. you can't do that.. he wouldn't last 2 seconds in a RTS with those kinda skills.. I mean come on

31. Can you tell me why you feel the need to harm yourself?

32. You can't attack yourself..

33. Well I mean I guess you could go jump off a cliff or something.. but like.. why would you do that?

34. Well it says here that you refused to eat or drink for several days

35. Priests don't need to eat.. ok? like..

36. I mean maybe if I'm totally out of mana then I'll drink something..

37. but y'know typically like my regen is so good 'cause of my high spirit that..

38. Y'know basically i'm always full anyways so..

39. So you're saying that you're a priest?

40. I am a priest.. I'm level 60.. we can duel I'll show you y'know..

41. Your mother tells me that when you were 4 you got a Nintendo?

42. No.. when I was 4 I got like.. Shadow Word: Pain..

43. You were in pain?

44. Well it's like.. a spell I'll cast on people y'know.. but instead of just hurting them all at once..

45. It just kinda like hurts them a lot for a long period of time y'know?

46. So you want to cause other people pain?

47. Well.. yeah, y'know.. it makes me feel pretty good about myself..

48. Y'know?

49. Ok I'm going to show you a couple of pictures now and I just want you to tell me the first thing that comes to your mind

50. It's a noob stick.. y'know?

51. It's me, like.. kinda like pwning myself?

52. Dr. Waters? You're wanted in the morgue..

53. Ok I'll be right there

54. Wait.. where are you?

55. How's this patient? [br][br]Not very well.. I think he's going to be with us for a long time

56. Fine then like.. log out, whatever.. like I care

57. Got lots to do today anyways y'know.. gotta hit Scarlet Monastery.. get myself a staff..

58. shit..

59. Hey Kyle, how's it going?

60. - Pretty good Dave.. how's Jeremy?

61. The same as yesterday, same as the before that..

62. Sup noobs.. I havent seen you noobs in a while y'know, like..

63. Gonna hit up MC? like later tonight, 7 pm EST?

64. For sure! One more piece of Transcendence for the win y'know..

65. Sometimes games means bad news Kyle

66. LOL! /chicken on you noob.. LOL! Chicken! LOL!

67. - Mom just asked me to stop by and check up on Jeremy, I actually have to go.. I have to go to class

68. Yeah.. I gotta go too.. I gotta go get a ice cream

69. - Are you guys gonna be Ok?

70. Yeah.. we'll be fine

71. I'm just gonna stay here and look after him though

72. - Ok.. I'll see you guys later? [br][br]Ok.. bye..

73. Jeremy.. are you ever gonna wake up?

74. What happened to you?

75. Is this how it's gonna be?

76. Are you ever gonna get better?

77. MY BALLS!

78. I'd give anything just to be able to sit down and talk to you the way we used to

79. Tagi we've been here for like 2 hours.. are you gonna order or what?

80. Tagi? I love it when you call me that..

81. I'm just saying, he's waiting, we gotta get something..

82. What happened to you?

83. How did you get like this?

84. I had to pwn the game.. I pwn noobs.. it's what I do

85. I had to play every minute of every day to completely pwn an MMO..

86. What? Are you surprised and stuff? You didn't see this coming?

87. Didn't we have a lot of fun together? Just.. chatting and hanging out?

88. Remember when we went to Winterspring and we made those snow angels?

89. LOL! Yeah and then those 3 Horde came and I like totally pwned 'em up

90. They come in.. it's like a warrior, priest and a mage..

91. and the warrior's gonna charge in and gonna stun me for a second thinking that maybe he's gonna turn the tide of the battle or something..

92. so obviously y'know I fear 'em up and just begin the pwnage y'know what I mean?

93. I was like 'Oh you want some Shadow Word: Pain, I'll ..'[br][br]Jeremy..

94. Gaming isn't always about pwning

95. Maybe you should try playing some games that like.. take some skill y'know?

96. All that matters here is how long you played or how high you roll a dice, y'know?

97. Jeremy.. games are about fun

98. Don't you have fun playing the games? I mean..

99. Don't you have fun playing with me?

100. You get to meet people and chat with them.. like didn't you have fun making those friends?

101. How many friends did you make in Zero Hour?

102. How many friends do you have? [br][br]It's not about making friends ...

103. I have lots of friends.. I got.. Dave.. y'know..

104. You don't get better playing an MMO Ok?

105. Your character grows up..

106. But what are you? What do you get? Do you get skills? You don't anything out of it, y'know?

107. It's like.. what about you? YOU? YOUR character? Y'know, like..

108. But I mean like.. I got better..

109. I was getting better y'know like..

110. I'm level 60.. I'm a priest..

111. Jeremy.. when you re-rolled a Night Elf just so that we could play together..

112. That was the most romantic thing anyone's ever done for me

113. You deleted a level 60 without even thinking about it!

114. That was so important to me..

115. But if you ever get out of this.. you can't come back

116. You can't ever play WoW again

117. How am I going to see you then?

118. I don't know.. maybe we shouldn't see each other any more..

119. I'm starting to realize that we're very different

120. Tagi..

121. Are you gonna leave?

122. Do you want me to stay?

123. There's no counter-terrorists in WoW..

124. Doug? [br][br]It's Ok, just relax..

125. Tagi?

126. Yes!

127. Man.. what's going on? I heard you were like sick or something?

128. Yeah he's been asleep for days!

129. Sorry, who are you?

130. Oh my God.. you're back! I'm gonna go tell Kyle Ok? Stay here..

131. Doug.. like.. about the whole RTS like..[br][br]Jeremy.. no man.. I just want to say something Ok?

132. I was playing some CS the other day and I heard about what happened y'know, and like..

133. When a clanmate gets fragged in RL it really makes you put things into perspective

134. And I mean like.. sometimes giving that cover fire is just way more important than getting the heashot!

135. Yeah! Y'know like.. if you're sending your tanks in, right.. and you don't have any air support..

136. Like what's gonna take out the tommies in the back right y'know? [br][br]Yeah man.. Yeah man..

137. What really matters is that you got a bro, y'know? That's gonna be there and kinda watch your back.. y'know..

138. So Jeremy says you're a gamer, what kinda games you into?

139. Yeah I play MMOs.. like World of Warcraft.. I play that one a lot, I like it.. It's so great..

140. Yeah.. yeah I imagine it's great

141. What about you? What games do you play?

142. Uhh.. y'know I'm into some games that.. uhh.. y'know.. take some skill, I guess..

143. Like FPS.. y'know? First Person Shooters? CS: Source..

144. What level are you?

145. Oh ... Well I usually play on dust2, I guess ...

146. You're level 2?

147. Can I talk to you for a sec? [br][br]Uh yeah, sure man.. what's up?

148. Have you ever heard of the Masterer?

149. Who?

150. Kyle! How come you left in such a hurry last time man?[br][br]- I don't know.. just.. had to go..

151. Where are you going? [br][br]- I don't know.. just.. back here..

152. Why don't you come join the party man?[br][br]- Sure..