Pure Pwnage 1x5

Directed by Ian Ross MacDonald

His addiction to a new video game forces Jeremy to get professional help while Doug gets into trouble with the law for a crime he doesn’t know he committed.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. So like.. Kyle-

2. Kyle's all like "hey why don't you show my short film on your show?"

3. And I'm like "I don't want your short film on my show 'cause I've seen like what you do mostly at school and it's..

4. - Jeremy it's not your show, it's my show too ok..

5. - and I'd like to show people..

6. So anyways, Kyle's all like "I want you to show my film on your show Jeremy"

7. and I'm like "I don't really want to 'cause it's probably kinda suck, like most of the stuff that I've seen you do at film school

8. So I'm like "Ok" 'cause Kyle's like.. y'know..

9. my roomate and stuff.. so I'm gonna show his short film so..

10. basically you'll probably want to turn your monitor and speakers off for like a couple minutes..

11. and come back and then you'll see the show.. like it'll be real funny

12. So like here's like Kyle's film

13. Strong man, angry man - a short film by Kyle

14. Written and directed by Kyle

15. LOL!

16. - What?

17. That was like pretty good Kyle..

18. no seriously Kyle.. that was like real good..

19. - Yeah it was pretty good..

20. - I got an A

21. - Jeremy where are you going?

22. - Jeremy

23. Y'know they're like.. they're all noobs again, but..

24. gotta keep looking

25. Like most noobs are like.. total noobs

26. like you can train a noob, but he'll just be trained noob..

27. like he won't really be a pro like me..

28. and he might do like ok against other noobs and stuff, but if you wanna be uber-pro like me

29. you just gotta.. you gotta kinda like have something different.. it's like in your head..

30. like in your eyes and stuff.. like you can see it right, it's really...

31. it's kinda like a mind-setup.. that's about being pro right..

32. it's like a 1 or a 0.. like it's a switch and you either can be an uber-pro like me..

33. or you can't

34. Some people.. like Kyle for a good example

35. he's all in film school and stuff but he's like never gonna be good at filming stuff 'cause he's like a total noob right..

36. like I knew that since we were like little noobs and stuff, and so..

37. y'know Kyle can go to film school, and he can probably make movies that are maybe like kinda funny..

38. but they're never gonna pwn like "Jay and Silent Bob" or whatever..

39. - Jeremy, I'm gonna make movies and they're gonna pwn

40. Kyle.. like I mean..

41. - I'm doing really well in film school actually[br][br]Yeah Kyle..

42. - Have you been to film school? Have you seen my grades? No

43. No Kyle, but.. y'know I'm just being honest about the stuff

44. - Yeah honest whatever! Ok if the show.. if I'm such a noob then the show must suck right..

45. - people watch the show.. how does that work?

46. - Let's see what the show looks like when I'm not working on the show!

47. Kyle.. you're like a noob but I'm so pro it's ok.. it's kinda like a balance right..

48. like sometimes it's a little funnier..

49. - Oh yeah so I'm detracting from the show eh? I make it suck more?

50. - It would be so good if it was just you? Ok, the show is just you!

51. No, if there was 2 of me.. if there was 2 of me it would be like way better..

52. Like obviously one guy.. like I could totally micro that camera.. I'd be like[br][br]- No I'm done, I'm done with the show.. it's over..

53. Hello like.. welcome to my show

54. Kyle.. he's uhh.. he's not with the show anymore..

55. he uhhh.. he doesn't want to do it anymore 'cause he's mad about something or something..

56. and so, this is my new show and I figure we don't need him anyways, how hard is it really to point and shoot a camera right?

57. It like doesn't take any skills..

58. This is the new show now and the whole show I'm just gonna show myself pwning people right..

59. 'cause like I know that's what you want to see, so..

60. so here it is, it's like the moment you guys have all been waiting for.. I'm gonna pwn some noobs for you for like an hour..

61. c'mon let's go

62. this is me.. and I'm gonna start pwning so..

63. - Jeremy what are you doing?

64. Man I'm like making the show y'know..

65. - It's MY camera! You have no respect for other people's property

66. - Don't ever touch my camera![br][br]It's my show Kyle, it's my show Kyle

67. - It's MY camera.. it's your computer, it's my camera, ok?

68. - Hey Doug

69. Kyle what's up man? I haven't seen you since last time.. how's it going?

70. - Pretty bad actually[br][br]Right on..

71. - Jeremy quit the show[br][br]That's Jeremy dude..

72. - So do you wanna be the star now?

73. Me? Let's do it! I'm playing some CS: Source right now! We can get some footage of that! YEAH!

74. BOOM HEADSHOT!

75. BOOM HEADSHOT!

76. I can dance all day, I can dance all day! Try to hit me, try to hit me! C'mon!

77. BOOM HEADSHOT YEAH!

78. Take that bitch!

79. So like here's my PC here.. it pwns..

80. It PWNS!

81. BBOOOOOMMMMM HEEEAADDDSSSHHHOOTTTT!

82. So yeah I like FPSs.. what can I say, there's nothing like the rush of hunting people down and killing 'em

83. I mean my heart's beating.. my heart's beating..

84. My hands are shaking! My hands are shaking!

85. But I'm STILL shooting! And I'm STILL getting headshots! It's like..

86. BOOM HEADSHOT! BOOM HEADSHOT! BOOOMMM HEEAADDSSHHOOTT!

87. You wanna go for a jog man? We can go for a jog..

88. - Ok but, what are you doing with the knife?

89. What do you mean? I run faster with a knife

90. Everyone runs faster with a knife!

91. So I mean like what do you want to do man? What do you want to film?

92. you can always just film me pwning noobs, doing the same old thing but, like..

93. what do you and Jeremy usually do?

94. - We just walk around and stuff

95. Walk?

96. Man, I got some wheels!

97. So I don't know.. I guess I can tell you some bit about myself

98. I work every once in a while.. occasionally y'know like

99. I can't really hold down a job.. for people like me it's really tough

100. My Dad owns a gun shop, but.. y'know he doesn't like to admit it but I think it makes him real nervous when I work there..

101. 'cause any time I get a gun in my hand it just automatically points to somebody's head

102. Sometimes I think maybe I want to join the army

103. I mean it's basically like FPS, except better graphics

104. But what happens if I get lag out there? I'm dead!

105. I mean, I even heard there's no respawn points in RL

106. What do you do when you're a person like me? When you're born to play FPS?

107. Guess there's nothing left to do but play FPS!

108. BOOM HEADSHOT!

109. - Doug?

110. - Doug what's going on, are you ok?

111. - Doug what's going on?

112. You know what Kyle.. I think you just better go dude, I think you just better go

113. - Are you ok? [br][br]Just go man! Seriously, just go!

114. " just practicing my micro Kyle.. just practicing my micro y'know.. "

115. " so I'd say I'm a Buddhist.. yeah I'm a Buddhist.. "

116. - Hey Jeremy

117. Hey Kyle

118. How come you're not pwning noobs at Counter-Strike: Source?

119. Well I was but.. y'know it's just not the same, like..

120. without you filming me doing it y'know like..

121. it seems like, if the only people that know how much I pwn are the noobs getting pwned, then..

122. it's not as much fun as when you film me and show everyone how much I pwn

123. 'cause like.. your films, they aren't that bad Kyle y'know.. like, you're not a total noob

124. I didn't really mean that.. you've got some skills and if you keep training and stuff, like..

125. y'know I think maybe one day you could be a pro at like your film stuff

126. - You really think so?

127. Yeah.. yeah, I think so Kyle

128. Y'know maybe you should come back inside and watch me pwn some noobs for a bit.. or?

129. - Yeah, sure that sounds good.. sounds like fun

130. Alright for sure..

131. He's no noob Kyle

132. Hey!

133. What's up? [br][br]I need to like.. talk to you for a second

134. Sure let's go..

135. Yeah I'm cooking food for these white barbarians..

136. I think the key is to keep everything like.. not cut it

137. You can tell if the chicken floats on the top that means it's half ready..

138. and particularly on onion you kinda want it to uhh..

139. I feel uncomfortable when I start saying stuff.. but uhh.. yeah.. I uhhh..

140. I'm pro at cooking