Pure Pwnage 1x4

Directed by Samir Rehem

Kyle puts together a retrospective look at the rise and fall of Jeremy’s rhythm game band, “teh_pwnerers.”

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Get the supplies..

2. drop the supplies..

3. get the supplies..

4. drop the supplies..

5. get the supplies..

6. drop the supplies.. oh, hi Omar!

7. Oh hello Azeem.. I have been assigned on a recon mission and stuff..

8. to find the purple base right.. wanna come?

9. I'm sorry, but I have to collect supplies!

10. Are you sure you wouldn't rather build a tunnel near the purple base and stuff?

11. Hey Matt, do you ever wonder why we're here? Fighting for supplies and map control?

12. Well.. you know those people back home that have ridiculous amounts of money?

13. more money than we could possibly spend in our lifetimes?

14. Them folks need more money.. that's why we're here

15. That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard!

16. Hey tank! Why are we here?

17. We fight for peace, preserving freedom, protecting our people.. it's the right thing to do

18. That's what I thought! Now let's go liberate some oil wells!

19. If my wife found out I was building a tunnel this close to the infidels base, the next vagina I will see will be in the afterlife!

20. Well Azeem, you will not need your wife's vagina, when you have 72 virgins in the afterlife!

21. Oh Azeem! Oh Azeem..[br][br]Oh Omar!

22. You are funny man.. you are funny, funny man..[br][br]No, no, you are funny

23. Alright! I see some oil! Let's get it!

24. Ooh.. the black liquid of freedom and peace!

25. If Allah is on our side, and Allah is the creator of all things..

26. why does he create bombs that fall on our houses?

27. Well Azeem, there is like a very good answer to that..

28. but I have to go over there now

29. Capturing the oil! Preserving and spreading freedom by capturing the oil!

30. Oh I love freedom!

31. Uhh.. excuse me, but that is our oil.. what are you doing?

32. Hey you! Stop! That is our oil!

33. Hey.. that's a towel-head! I saw them on Fox! Let's blast 'em!

34. I am unarmed! I am unarmed! Help me!

35. Omar! Omar! Where are you Omar? Help me!

36. Total maphacker!

37. Hello Azeem! Are you ok?

38. I heard you cry for help

39. Oh.. we did it now.. we killed one of the purple people!

40. Man down! Man down! I am engaging the enemy!

41. Requesting air support!

42. This is Alpha 1 Niner on attack approach..

43. we gonna drop some bombs.. gonna bomb these motherfuckers!

44. and the net.. he's all shooting the puck eh[br][br]oh yeah eh that was great eh

45. was in the net..[br][br]yeah cause y'know..

46. totally puck was in the net eh[br][br]it was in the net! it was in the net! so good eh..

47. Uh oh! You bombed the Canadians! You were supposed to bomb the pink base!

48. Kyle- no, stop.. Kyle.. no this like isn't funny like at all..

49. it's like kinda dumb and I'd like to maybe get my computer back so I can like do some real stuff, y'know?

50. - No, no, no, Jeremy, trust me.. it'll be good, we're almost done

51. No I think it's not.. I'll show you what funny is ok.. this is funny right here

52. See that?

53. That's a Nuke Overlord and.. Oh is that your guy?

54. Oh! Oh! I'm so sorry![br][br]- Jeremy stop it!

55. You like that? Oh you want more of that? Oh I know you like that Kyle..[br][br]- Jeremy what are you doing? No..

56. - Mom said you have to help me!

57. Fuckin'.. lose to a fuckin' noob! I'm just a fuckin' noob!

58. Maybe I'll just build 3 dozers!

59. - Dave.. what's going on?

60. He lost to a noob

61. - What?

62. Yeah man, you don't want to go in there

63. "The next day"

64. - Jeremy?

65. - Jeremy?

66. Piss off

67. - Dude 1 loss isn't so bad.. it's just 1 guy

68. Yeah thanks for the lessons on like pro gaming there Kyle..

69. I really appreciate your expert opinion but..

70. you can just piss off with the rest of the noobs ok? You don't even..

71. you don't know and stuff.. I pwn! I pwn noobs!

72. If these noobs pwn me y'know.. what am I?

73. - Dude it was only 1 flame tank, it's nothing to worry about.. you could've got that flame tank

74. Could've got the flame tank Kyle.. could've got the flame tank..

75. I just didn't.. I didn't get it..

76. I just let it take out my whole base..

77. I was micro'ing on like 3 fronts..

78. I just wasn't thinking.. took out my whole base.. lost to a noob

79. 1 flame tank and your life changes right

80. It's tough sometimes..

81. You don't understand.. you and all the other noobs, you don't understand!

82. I'm PRO!

83. The boards Kyle.. I read what all the noobs say..

84. and I know they're laughing at me! They think y'know.. this is all supposed to be a joke!

85. Y'know I'm trying to help 'em out..

86. by showing 'em how much I pwn

87. Then they just laugh y'know.. they're all laughing and think I'm a joke y'know

88. - Jeremy.. I think you need to go see the Masterer

89. Ok.. Ok

90. The sun Kyle.. it burns!

91. It's like.. kinda like the lava in Metroid, y'know?

92. - Jeremy what are you doing?

93. I'm just practicing my micro Kyle.. I'm just practicing my micro y'know..

94. 'cause I'm a noob right.. gotta practice my micro[br][br]- Jeremy there's no time! We have to go!

95. Totally like Pong y'know like.. totally pwned that game when I was like 2 or something

96. - Jeremy! Jeremy don't look! Don't look!

97. Hey assholes I did your interview, where's my 20 bucks?

98. What are we running from Kyle?

99. Kyle who was that?

100. What's like 20 bucks? What's she talking about?

101. - Oh that's nothing, don't worry about that..

102. - Jeremy how far is this place?

103. Y'know it's like just up here and stuff

104. - Are you sure this is the way?

105. Yeah.. yeah this is the way..

106. I'm here like to see like the Masterer

107. Upstairs

108. - Is this it?

109. Yeah.. this is it

110. You're gonna have to like wait here

111. - What am I supposed to do?

112. Do whatever noobs do

113. I know you.. you are teh_pwnerer, are you not?

114. Yeah like.. I'm teh_pwnerer and stuff

115. You are aware that I will contact you when I feel you are ready for the next level of training?

116. Well y'know like I know that right..

117. Why have you come here?

118. Well y'know I just thought I'd come here and maybe we'd talk about strats and stuff..

119. maybe y'know I'd get some extra training.. and that would be cool and stuff

120. What is the point of discussing strats that are clearly beyond your comprehension?

121. Do you mean to imply that you are my strategic equal?

122. No

123. Have you forgotten that I beat both Gary Kasporov and Deep Blue with nothing more than a row of pawns and a single bishop?

124. No like.. I know

125. I will forgive the insult!

126. You are fortunate that I am still willing to share with you my incredibly vast knowledge

127. Do you wish to continue as my pupil?

128. Yeah like I totally do! like..

129. I wanna become like uber-pro like you and stuff

130. Then do not deceive me.. tell me truthfully why you have come here

131. well y'know I like uhh..

132. I lost to a noob

133. You are certain of this? Your opponent was not pro?

134. Yeah.. yeah, he was a.. he was a big noob

135. Let me see your micro

136. Not bad..

137. What you have come to realize is that even when one is pro..

138. under certain circumstances one can be.. a noob

139. You are now ready for the next level of training

140. But like how could I lose to a noob y'know.. I'm like a Pro!

141. Y'know.. it's not right.. and stuff

142. There is a way always to pwn

143. Let me ask you this.. what games do you play?

144. Well.. y'know I like totally pwn Zero Hour and stuff right

145. What other games do you play?

146. Well like.. just Zero Hour right now.. I totally wanna pwn that and stuff

147. What you must realize is that a true pwner pwns all games

148. If one wants to truly pwn..

149. one must pwn in ALL games!

150. Come.. we must begin your training immediately

151. Clear your mind of all things..

152. focus on.. the micro

153. If you eat like a noob, you will be pwned like a noob

154. Pick up the controller!

155. - Jeremy

156. - Jeremy!

157. - What are doing?

158. What? I'm sleeping..

159. - You're sleeping in the hall, that must be the most uncomfortable sleep

160. - What happened to your shirt?

161. There's something I gotta go do Kyle

162. If one wants to truly pwn..

163. one must pwn in ALL games..

164. I'd like to buy Half-Life 2..

165. Stupid Sgt. Wong.. always making me come out here looking for white monkeys