Pure Pwnage 1x3

Directed by Samir Rehem

Rachelle Corbeil as Drunk Girl

The gang heads out to a local nightclub after a challenge issued by Kyle focuses Jeremy's attentions to the fairer sex.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. So like I guess when we look at like on the internet we see lots of people from way in Europe like the show..

2. and they're watching it, y'know..

3. and like a lot of them, they probably don't even speak english

4. All the Germanic people and stuff and the people from Ho-land..

5. they still watch it because they know what a good show is 'cause..

6. they're probably at least smart enough to know what a good show is

7. Not like Kyle

8. Kyle like watches these movie all the time

9. Like "Driving Taxis" and stuff and like "Raging Cows"..

10. and he's always like "Scorcese!" and stuff..

11. and he's like "sit down and watch it with me Jeremy..

12. 'cause this movie's so good about driving taxis it's got to be better than playing your games"

13. And I just laugh at him y'know like.. I like good movies, that are smart..

14. like "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back"

15. that's like my favorite.. that's a real good movie..

16. especially the part near the end when they go to the noobs houses and they totally pwn 'em.. that's like pretty cool

17. So like me and Kyle know these guys we're gonna go see.. they're from Europe or whatever

18. I don't speak Germanic or like..

19. Hollandaise I guess

20. And so we're gonna get these guys to maybe translate a message for me..

21. to their people

22. This is my friend Mirco who speaks Germanic

23. and so he works with like lasers and stuff..

24. Lots of games use lasers to blow stuff up

25. and that's real cool cause you see lots of lasers in good video games that aren't about orcs and stuff

26. And he tells me he's building laser guns that are gonna totally blow up the Earth and stuff..

27. and he says I'll totally get to use them 'cause I got like the micro and they're gonna need people with micro to control them..

28. and so that's pretty cool I think y'know

29. So.. Hello German noobs!

30. I like pwn all you noobs

31. And I've found that typically German people are suck at most games

32. And like that's all I want to say to you noobs

33. So like.. Hello Hollandish noobs!

34. I like pwn like all of you like hard

35. And like I hope the weather is good in Ho-land

36. Hey noobs.. welcome to like my show

37. Pure Pwnage

38. Got some kinda bad news.. it came out recently that like EA..

39. who like makes Zero Hour

40. which is like.. y'know it's like the best game out there[br][br](editor's note: please do not purchase Zero Hour)

41. Apparently they're not gonna support the game anymore

42. patch 1.2 that's like it.. there's no 1.3

43. China Inf can't stay like that for like ever y'know.. and USA Air

44. Like it might as well be China Inf versus USA Air... Hour

45. Warcraft its like the ghey and stuff, don't get me wrong

46. like orcs and stuff.. y'know and like bows and arrows and dragons and some magic and stuff

47. it's pretty much for guys that like, y'know..

48. never gonna have sex and stuff

49. I have to respect Blizzard 'cause like..

50. at least they care somewhat y'know..

51. they have like 15 patches and they actually care about the stuff

52. Y'know so I guess what I'm just saying is that like..

53. EA like sucks my balls

54. I think that's like what I'm saying pretty much

55. They just suck my balls

56. Like I got this one ball here.. E.. E like sucks like this ball here..

57. and then the A.. the A sucks my other ball here..

58. So the E and the A are just sucking both my balls

59. And uhh.. y'know I think the next big unit that people are gonna start using a lot more are probably gonna be saboteurs, 'cause they actually..

60. they pwn like pretty hard y'know.. get 'em in something and it's gonna like shut it down

61. Kyle.. is that Doug?

62. Y'know I've known Doug for like a pretty long time right

63. We were like little noobs together y'know?

64. Frag Out!

65. Doug.. he's kinda weird that way

66. I don't know if his brain like works too good

67. It's like I just like to play with people! C'mon I can dance all day! I can dance all day!

68. Just try to hit me! C'mon try! Try!

69. BOOM HEADSHOT! BOOM HEADSHOT!

70. It's like BOOM HEADSHOT!

71. Dancing.. dancing.. you see me dancing? you see me dancing?

72. Y'know he's just like.. has lots of energy and always talking about like killing people and stuff

73. BOOM HEADSHOT!

74. It's like I can dance all day! Coming down it's like..

75. BOOOOOOMM HHEEEAAADDSSSHHOOOTTTT

76. And uhhh.. I think that's just a little weird y'know

77. So you want me in the show then?

78. - Yeah for sure, just.. just introduce yourself

79. What's up? I'm Doug!

80. FUCK!

81. When we were like younger we were kinda like little noobs together y'know..

82. and we'd kinda just noob out like playing with toys and stuff..

83. Then we got into like video games and stuff.. like we'd play like Nintendo..

84. and then later like some Sega and stuff

85. And uhh.. y'know we got older and then eventually we like.. well we like y'know bought.. some PCs y'know

86. Yeah I guess you could say I pwn noobs FPS-style, which is pretty much why me and Jeremy don't get along no more.. one day I brought home Doom

87. And so Doug.. yeah I tried to get Doug into RTS once.. I played some Red Alert 2 with him and uhh..

88. I like.. y'know I like killed him in like 30 seconds with a Mirage Tank right

89. So I pwned him at Doom and he was like "fahg" and I'm like "noob".. and the he just left

90. and he's like "fahg" and I'm like "ghey" and stuff.. and uhh..

91. and then he doesn't like RTS like anymore

92. I think FPSs are like.. they're kinda for like noobs y'know

93. It's for people like.. maybe you got like micro

94. like you're kinda fast y'know.. but you can't think..

95. like you're just kinda dumb

96. Personally I think he's just afraid of the HEADSHOT! HEADSHOT!

97. Hey man I was thinking about you the other day![br][br]Yeah?

98. I was pwning up these guys in Army Ops.. it was like 5 guys on D, me on Assault..

99. busting into suicide it's like BOOM HEADSHOT, there was a guy right there..

100. bust through there, there's a guy at the top of the stairs.. guess what? BOOM HEADSHOT

101. A guy's coming around the corner through the secondary valve.. guess what happened man?

102. like.. Headshot?

103. OH YEAH! HEADSHOT man, HEADSHOT!

104. Well I'll tell you something that's really cool man.. I was like playing Zero Hour right..

105. I was like playing Clan Wars right and I'm all like playing Carnage, he's like Laser USA right..

106. and he's like coming in at my base and he's got all these laser tanks right.. he's like..

107. 'cause I'm like Vanilla GLA right and I like put a saboteur in his power

108. and I come in from behind like..

109. I'm just like blowing up all the laser tanks right..

110. and then my Jarmen he's like sniping and his Pathfinders are like "why can't you hit my Jarmen?"

111. I'm like "too bad buddy! my Jarmen's on a bike!" right, so I'm like..

112. Pathfinder dead! Pathfinder dead! Pathfinder dead!

113. Just gave him some of these..[br][br]Cool man..

114. You remember that.. you know that..

115. - Yeah that was awesome.. that was like..

116. Pwnage! It was like.. pwnage!

117. So I see your brother's still a big noob eh?

118. Yeah he's.. he's still a noob

119. So what did you think that up man? Or were you actually getting your hands dirty this time and getting down there?

120. Well y'know I like thought it up and then y'know I like..

121. Oh, it's like this big observa-er dude

122. Y'know it's like kinda hard to control like 50 units on like 3 fronts and like micro 'em all at the same time man..

123. instead of just like.. just controlling your one guy and pointing and shooting right.. it's like..

124. just like a little Missile Defender.. can you please control the rest of my army 'cause I don't have like any micro right..

125. Well like I need an army to kill a bunch of guys! I don't need nothing but myself!

126. It's like.. I'm coming around the corner.. BOOM HEADSHOT

127. It's like.. that guy's coming around the corner? BOOM HEADSHOT

128. Send your tank! 'cause I got frags! I got frags!

129. So you're like a 1 Ranger army coming at me and I'm like..

130. SCUD STORM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

131. Ok, Mr. Botanical tank with no balls.. that's all I gotta say..[br][br]No balls?

132. it's like "Botanical tank! Look at me! No balls! No balls!"[br][br]Want to see some balls?

133. My Nuke Overlord will show you some balls!

134. Particle Cannon BOOM!

135. So I see like Doug's still a total noob eh.. but y'know..

136. It's been a while since I saw him and y'know you can only hope for the best y'know..

137. you can like take a noob to like water.. but you can't like make a noob drink y'know..

138. and so I just like to bring up RTS when he's around and hope maybe someday.. he comes around

139. We almost done with this Kyle? 'cause you know what?

140. It's almost HEADSHOT time!

141. BOOM HEADSHOT!

142. So like.. a lot of noobs write the show..

143. and some of 'em are saying stuff like "wow y'know like your show's so good and stuff"..

144. and like "there must be more people involved than just you and Kyle" y'know..

145. and so y'know we thought maybe as an extra for fun this episode we'd show you one of the many people that are behind the scenes..

146. that go into making the show like pwn.. like so much..

147. so today you're gonna meet my buddy Dave here..

148. in episode 2, Dave held a lamp like in one of the shots in episode 2 in my room..

149. because Kyle thought like maybe we should have like more light or something.. to match some other like somethings..

150. that he like learned in film school..

151. so we did that and Dave helped out, so here's my buddy Dave here..

152. Actually my name is Dawei, but the white barbarians call me Dave

153. Dave's like a pretty funny guy that way sometimes and it's handy to have him around 'cause he's so funny y'know..

154. thanks Dave.. and that was like y'know, behind the scenes at the show y'know so.. we'll see you next time and stuff right