Pure Pwnage 1x2

Directed by Michael Kennedy

Jeremy's mom cancels his Internet connection and makes some tough rules in an attempt to teach him a ‘tough love' lesson in growing up. This threatens Jeremy's position as number one on his favourite StarCraft gaming ladder.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Alright, does this have anything to do with gamers? Because that would just be like..

2. an exponent on the weirdness

3. Question 1: Do you know what a pro gamer is?

4. Somebody who plays video games all the time?

5. Somebody who plays a lot of games on the computer?

6. Somebody who games a lot? I don't know..

7. It's someone who plays a lot of video games or computer games?

8. I would guess that it would be somebody who does nothing but play video games?

9. Hardcore games all the time? On the internet?

10. Who sits around in a dark room..

11. with his fingers teetering on keyboards

12. Question 2: Would you ever date a pro gamer?

13. I don't think I'd ever date someone who spent more time with his computer than with me

14. They would never have time for me, they'd always be playing games

15. I don't think I'd understand what they were saying.. I don't think we could have conversations

16. Depends if he's hot or not

17. If any guy would spend more time with his keyboard, and his monitor, than me.. there's a problem

18. You're talking about internet gamers.. not like Mario Bros. Gamers

19. I soft of figure that anybody who plays video games that much, and is hiding behind a computer to that extent..

20. has to have something that they're hiding

21. I don't do video games

22. That doesn't really appeal to me that much..

23. someone sitting in front of a computer for 12 solid hours a day, playing games

24. There's like a game, like a computer game or something? Where there was these people who kept playing and got so into it..

25. that there was one guy who forgot to feed his kid, and the kid died

26. So that would always be in the back of my mind

27. And there's also something else where umm.. it's like the same game where they're like allies or something like that..

28. and the guy was betrayed by his friends and so he committed suicide

29. I don't think I could handle that

30. So has anyone actually wanted to date a gamer? That you've seen?

31. I think I'm kind of dating one now, but I think he's a closet hardcore gamer

32. He doesn't like to admit it

33. Well, gamers use their hands 12 hours a day..

34. so that could be interesting..

35. So like welcome to episode 2 of y'know.. like my show

36. This episode we're gonna go out.. like me and Kyle..

37. and I'm gonna pick up like lots of girls

38. 'Cause.. y'know.. Kyle has I guess like a girlfriend now

39. Y'know it's like a friend that's like a girl but you call it a girlfriend if you like kiss her and stuff

40. Kyle thinks that maybe I couldn't get girls and I'm telling him I pwn at everything..

41. so obviously I'll pwn some girls up y'know.. like no problem

42. I figure I can do that too if Kyle can right

43. But he doesn't think so, he like tries to think he pwns me somehow in something

44. And I think it shouldn't be a problem.. I played all the Leisure Suit Larry's

45. I pwned those games when I was younger y'know, so..

46. I mean really it should be pretty easy right, you just gotta execute the right build order

47. and then you're set

48. Y'know it might be cool when I'm like real old and stuff.. like 30 or something..

49. maybe I'll like think about having little nooblets of my own that I can train..

50. that'll be uber too.. like me

51. And so.. y'know.. a girl might help that

52. Question 3: Would you rather date a rich guy, or a guy who has uber-micro?

53. Uber-micro? I'd go with the rich guy

54. A rich guy

55. I would rather date a guy who has uber other things

56. What the hell is uber-micro?

57. I'll take the rich

58. Uber-micro? I don't even know what that is, please explain the terms

59. I don't know what uber-micro is..

60. What is uber-micro?

61. I'd rather date a rich guy.. I wouldn't be able to keep up with the uber-micro dude

62. I'm gonna go with the rich guy

63. Like I don't even know what you want with the running.. it's pretty stupid man

64. - It's like total Kurosawa

65. - you look around here[br][br]What? Miyamoto?

66. - No, no, Kurasawa man

67. That's cool.. he made like Mario Bros. And stuff..

68. he's got some skills I guess as a.. designerer y'know

69. - Seven Samurai looking around

70. - You've got your sword.. you're ready to kill some bitches.. you know what I mean?

71. Pwning 'em up

72. This better be as cool as you tell me and stuff

73. 'Cause I don't wanna look like a loser y'know.. like aggro or something

74. I guess this is kinda like a level that you play on

75. As long as it's a good level there's no reason I should lose I figure y'know

76. I can already tell, like.. they know, they know..

77. I'll just sit here.. I think like, if I sit here and maybe just like..

78. practice my micro

79. Then they'll know and stuff right

80. Once they see I got the micro

81. They'll be all over me

82. I'm kinda used to that like in the lobbies.. noobs are like "come on and play with me and stuff cause I wanna learn cause you're so good"

83. And I'm like "no, I don't have the time.. I gotta play other people that are better than you and pwn them"

84. So that's like how I think the girl situation is gonna go tonight

85. So hey, like.. how's it like going?

86. Question 4: Do you know what the word "noob" means?

87. Noob?

88. no

89. Noob?

90. Noob?

91. You're joking right?

92. No?

93. No clue and obviously I'm not a gamer

94. I have a life

95. I've been told it means someone new to gaming? But I don't really know

96. What's a noob? Please explain

97. What does it mean?

98. I actually asked somebody today at dinner

99. and they said 'somebody who's new at playing a game'

100. Like a game they've never played before

101. A noobie

102. Question 5: Do you find the word "noob" sexy?

103. No, not really

104. I don't find it attractive at all, no..

105. Uhh.. yeah, a bit

106. I guess it sounds like lube, but..

107. 'Cause it rhymes with boob

108. I guess it kinda sounds like boob, but.. I don't know

109. Well, it rhymes with boob and lube.. but surprisingly, no

110. So like.. hey girls

111. You guys see when I pwned fox333 with my uber-micro and stuff?

112. Yeah I like pwn 'em up 'cause I like got the micro

113. So I tried to like rush the last girls cause I thought they were like noobs and I could just rush 'em and maybe end it quick or something

114. So you guys like wanna be my girlfriends or something?

115. - Uhh.. we're gay

116. Oh ok yeah I think Kyle's pretty ghey too

117. Kyle's like totally ghey

118. But that's pretty weird you'd call yourself ghey

119. But they turned out like.. they're pretty good defensively

120. Right away they like repelled my attacks

121. Y'know like they had good base defense or something

122. - We're eating right now

123. Yeah I eat too like sometimes[br][br]- Yeah everyone does.. that's the thing..

124. That's cool

125. Maybe I got a little bit to learn 'cause I'm not totally pro at it yet, but this is like y'know.. I just started..

126. at least I'm no noob y'know

127. Next one's for sure.. like totally gonna pwn 'em

128. Ok that's cool.. that's cool

129. Dude did you see that guy man? I just met like a guy.. he's real cool

130. he's all like "come back to my house, play some games with me and stuff"

131. I'm like man I like pwn games and stuff right

132. And he's all like "well come back and play with me" and I tell him this is how I pwn..

133. like I pwn like this right and I started spanking and he's all excited and stuff

134. and he's like "yeah, yeah that's like what I do too" and stuff

135. So you wanna maybe go back to this guy's like house, dude? And maybe play some games with him? [br][br]- Jeremy..

136. - Jeremy he's..

137. No, he's cool man[br][br]- No, no, no, Jeremy you don't want to go to his place

138. No, no, he said he plays good games and stuff[br][br]- No, no, no, he's..

139. - He plays gay games

140. Well I mean he probably doesn't play Zero Hour or nothing

141. - No, no, no, no, like..

142. G - A - Y.. GAY

143. Oh Warcraft! Yeah, yeah, yeah..[br][br]- No, no, no..

144. He likes guys.. he likes to

145. He puts his in

146. What's a orifice?

147. Question 6: I'm coming at your base with two rockvees and an ambo - you've got a Jarmen, two scorps, and a quad. What do you do?

148. What? What kind of question is this?

149. Run away?

150. Can you repeat that?

151. Turn off the machine

152. I run for my life

153. I don't know what any of those are

154. Die? I don't know! I don't know what that is..

155. Run? I don't know

156. Run?

157. Question 7: Would you date this guy?

158. Uhh.. probably not

159. Definitely not.. definitely not

160. No.. I wouldn't

161. That noob? No

162. No

163. No

164. Absolutely not

165. Depends how much I was paid

166. Couple hundred would do

167. So like it hasn't been like too good for me..

168. like I pwn and stuff, but I didn't like.. pwn, y'know?

169. So what I'm gonna try next maybe is some like reverse psychology or whatever

170. 'Cause like I heard that that works sometimes

171. So you guys, like.. totally think I'm a noob and stuff, and you totally don't wanna be like my girlfriends

172. - No, not so much

173. The good thing about like Kyle filming me all the time and stuff is that like at least I get to watch the replays y'know

174. And like everyone knows like.. replays, they're like the best way to learn y'know

175. It's just like a little too bad Kyle didn't get the one time that like I, y'know.. totally succeeded and pwned

176. Kyle went to the bathroom for like a minute and this one girl came up and she's all like

177. "Hey like I heard you telling those other girls that like you totally pwn at games and stuff"

178. and she's like "that's like real sexy.. like I pwn too, but I probably don't pwn as much as you..

179. 'cause like I heard you pwn like lots and stuff..

180. tell me a story like about your life.. like how much you pwn.. tell me like a story"

181. I'm like.. I'm like good at that stuff so I'm like

182. This one time right I'm playing and like.. y'know I'm playing this other GLA guy right

183. and he's like.. doesn't really know what he's doing 'cause he's like..

184. not me and stuff

185. So I got like six rank 3 buggies right and I'm like coming in at him like on his palace I'm like..

186. on his palace right and his palace is like crumbling and then his palace blows up

187. Oh yeah, you're gonna report.. you're gonna report

188. But then he tries to snipe one of my guys with like Jarmen, so then like my Jarmen snipes his Jarmen..

189. now he's got like no Jarmen and like no palace to rebuild it..

190. and all of a sudden my Scud Storm hits like

191. with like the Scud Storm right

192. and the dude like quits like on the spot 'cause like I gave him like so much pwnage and stuff right

193. and then so she's all like "wow that's like the coolest story I've like ever heard and stuff"

194. and then she like kissed me and stuff like that 'cause she thought I pwned so much

195. the she's like "I gotta go like real quick" and just as she left Kyle like came out of the bathroom so like..

196. he like missed it with the camera, so I don't have like a replay but..

197. Y'know that's pretty cool

198. - Yeah Jeremy, sure..

199. Hey noobs, I'm gonna like totally like pwn you noobs

200. 'Cause I pwn you.. like I pwn you like pretty hard and stuff right

201. I'm gonna give you some spanks

202. Just like you're like Kyle and you suck ass at all the games you try to play

203. 'Cause I pwn you.. I pwn you like pretty hard and stuff right

204. nice

205. Pwn you.. I pwn you like you're like.. somebody's mom trying to play the games

206. I.. pwn.. you.. is that on? I don't think..

207. I will pwn you

208. Sometime

209. Maybe when we play the game