1. - And we go now
live to Crimson Fox
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2. for an announcement.
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3. Man, this is tough.
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4. Starting today, I'll
be leaving Charm City
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5. and taking my
talents to Metropolis.
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6. Adjacent.
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7. - I can't believe
she's just leaving us.
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8. I mean, she is our main hero.
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9. What if somebody
like the Joker attacks?
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10. - The Joker is an
A-list super villain.
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11. He wouldn't attack a
dump like Charm City.
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12. We begged for a
WNBA team, Emily.
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13. They said no.
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14. A WNBA team.
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15. - Now that Crimson
Fox is leaving,
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16. maybe we'll get a
cool new superhero.
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17. - What if we got Aqualad?
- Aqualad?
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18. No, Aqualad's a
sidekick, not a hero.
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19. That's like hoping our city gets
protection from a cheese plate.
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20. He's right.
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21. - It's cool that you guys
can laugh about this,
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22. but with Crimson Fox gone,
petty crime will skyrocket,
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23. and let's be real: Women
are always the target.
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24. - Emily is right.
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25. The creeps are already
feeling emboldened.
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26. Weird Tony the hot dog guy
was extra weird this morning.
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27. - Wait a minute, you mean
Fun Tony the hot dog guy.
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28. - Yeah, what's wrong with
Fun Tony the hot dog guy?
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29. - Yeah?
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30. "Hey, sexy lady,
come sit on Tony's lap
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31. and touch Tony's hot dog."
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32. He's definitely
talking about his penis.
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33. - Yeah, that's his penis.
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34. All right, look, if you're
worried about crime,
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35. I can walk you guys
to your car at night.
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36. I mean, I don't look
intimidating, but...
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37. - But what?
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38. - I was hoping
someone would disagree.
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39. - Who cares?
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40. It's going to be fine.
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41. You ladies need to grow a pair.
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42. All of you.
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43. Jackie, there's a
bee in my office!
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44. Aah, aah!
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45. Jackie! It looks stingy!
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46. - Our fearless leader.
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47. - Hey, you know, I was
thinking about taking
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48. a self-defense class now
that Crimson Fox is gone.
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49. Want to do it with me?
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50. - Look, I don't have
time for some class.
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51. I'm either taking
care of a child...
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52. - Jackie!
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53. - Or I'm at home with my kid.
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54. - I thought you might say that,
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55. so I already found us
a class during lunch.
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56. I'll take care of everything.
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57. All you need to do is show up.
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58. There's a chance you'll
get to punch a stranger.
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59. - Jackie, hurry!
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60. - All right, I'm in.
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61. - Yah, yah!
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62. - Jackie!
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63. - The bee did not
lay eggs in your hair.
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64. I Googled it. It's impossible.
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65. - No, something
horrible has happened.
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66. Round up the floor.
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67. A violation has occurred.
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68. At approximately
10:02 this morning,
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69. I walked into my
personal bathroom
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70. to discover evidence
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71. that it had been
used by another.
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72. Why is no one gasping? Gasp.
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73. Thank you, I feel the same way.
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74. Before today, the only cheeks
that had graced that throne
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75. belonged to me
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76. and, of course, my beloved
golden retriever, Boomer,
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77. whom I painstakingly
taught to go human-style
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78. before he promptly ran away.
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79. Now, I promise you that
justice will be swift and fair.
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80. You will be fired.
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81. So please step forward
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82. and take your
punishment with dignity.
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83. No one?
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84. No one?
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85. Dorothy...
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86. was it you?
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87. Looking a little depleted,
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88. a little "Turder,
She Wrote," maybe?
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89. A little "Law & Order: IBS"?
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90. That is a guilty face.
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91. Okay, okay, I
will flush you out.
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92. And then you'll be fired.
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93. - Hey, have you seen Jackie?
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94. - Who's "Bitch I'ma"?
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95. It makes more sense
when Jackie wears hers.
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96. "Bitch I'ma End You!"
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97. - We're taking
self-defense classes.
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98. If she ever gets here.
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99. - "I'ma Bitch"?
- Inappropriate, Emily.
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100. Appreciate the
honesty, but still...
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101. inappropriate.
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102. You think Jackie's
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103. gonna take self-defense classes
in matching shirts with you?
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104. - Well, it's sort of,
like, an inside joke.
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105. - I don't think Jackie
does inside jokes.
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106. - Well, that's because
you're not on the inside.
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107. Me and Jackie, we've
got our own thing.
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108. - And yet she's not here.
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109. - Well, she probably just
decided to meet me there.
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110. So I'm gonna go learn
to kick ass with Jackie.
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111. - Emily?
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112. - Hi.
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113. - Whoa, that class is no joke.
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114. - Yeah, well,
Jackie didn't show,
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115. and on my way back,
I ran into an alleyway
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116. to avoid one of
Jack-O-Lantern's fireballs
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117. and tripped and
fell into the trash.
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118. Sexy lady covered in garbage.
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119. Still sexy.
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120. - Not now, Tony.
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121. - Yeah, that is
disrespectful, Tony!
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122. I can't believe it.
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123. Jackie knew how much I was
looking forward to this class,
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124. and she just stands me up?
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125. - Well, maybe she
had an emergency,
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126. or maybe she's sitting in a
car over there reading a book.
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127. - What?
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128. - Self-defense class!
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129. Where the hell were you?
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130. - I was busy.
- I figured you'd just go alone.
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131. Why do you smell like garbage?
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132. Actually, can we
talk about this later?
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133. - No, we're talking
about this right now.
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134. Friends don't
stand each other up.
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135. They send a text with
enough sad emojis
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136. to make you feel
how sorry they are.
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137. - Is this an UberPOOL?
- 'Cause I didn't select pool.
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138. - It is not a pool.
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139. I was just telling this
little homeless lady
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140. to get out of my car.
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141. I'm trying to make a little
extra cash on the side, okay?
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142. - Why didn't you
just tell me that?
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143. - So are we going or what?
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144. - You heard her.
- Get out of my car, sporty hobo.
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145. Tiny water bottle?
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146. Jackie, I'm not sure why you...
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147. - I'm gonna be direct, which is
something you love about me.
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148. Yeah.
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149. - My daughter Ruby's class
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150. is taking a trip to
Six Flags Metropolis.
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151. It's $500, and money's
a little tight right now.
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152. I really don't need any of these
human bedbugs knowing that,
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153. so as far as you're concerned,
I am not an Uber driver.
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154. - Yeah, but with
Crimson Fox gone,
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155. you could get mugged or get
hit by Jack-O-Lantern's fireball.
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156. It's just not safe for you to
be driving strangers around.
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157. - All right.
- Aah!
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158. - Who drives strangers around?
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159. - No one, not one person ever.
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160. Where'd you learn that?
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161. I have two brothers.
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162. - You have two brothers?
- Older or younger?
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163. - Please stop bonding with me.
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164. - Listen, if you need...
- I don't want to talk about it,
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165. and I really don't want
you to "Emily" this.
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166. - Aww, people are using
my name as a verb?
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167. Aah! I will not Emily this.
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168. So I don't want to
make this a big thing,
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169. but someone who I'm
not going to mention
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170. needs a little help.
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171. Are you trying to
Emily something?
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172. - Look, we're not gonna
give money to Jackie
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173. unless we know what it's for.
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174. - Well, she told me not to...
- Damn it.
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175. I knew it was Jackie.
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176. Now, that was some David Blaine.
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177. - Okay, this cannot be repeated.
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178. Her kid needs $500
for a school trip.
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179. I thought we could all
pitch in to help her out.
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180. - Jackie is never
gonna take our money.
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181. She is crazy private.
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182. - I have a pretty
genius way around that.
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183. - So you're gonna Teddy it.
- What's that?
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184. - Well, that's...
- That's when you try
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185. to turn your name into
a verb unsuccessfully.
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186. - Ooh, you just got Wendy-ed.
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187. - Everyone in my
office except I'ma Bitch.
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188. You can stay here.
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189. - That's not even
what the shirt said.
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190. - The Three Amigos,
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191. the Three Musketeers,
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192. the Dynamic Duo...
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193. and you.
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194. I bet you thought
you were in the clear,
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195. but you're the only three
people who were in the office
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196. when the crime was committed.
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197. I know. I checked the logs.
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198. I just want to point out
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199. that we're talking
about a poop crime,
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200. and you said "logs."
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201. - That's fair.
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202. Who did this?
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203. - Van, this is silly.
- It wasn't us.
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204. - Pedro, could you
come in here, please?
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205. It's, Peter, sir.
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206. - Pedro, when you entered
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207. into my personal bathroom
yesterday to clean it,
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208. what did you find?
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209. There were these small scissors
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210. and all these clumps
of short, curly hairs
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211. all around the base of the bowl.
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212. - Not that!
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213. I told you, not that. Wh...
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214. The other thing.
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215. - This magazine, sir.
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216. - Thank you, Pedrito.
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217. - It's Peter.
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218. - Witness excused.
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219. Adios.
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220. Who does this belong to?
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221. Who was perusing while
they were number twos-ing?
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222. Come on, people, I'm
giving you an opportunity
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223. to snitch on a friend.
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224. I used to live for this
in boarding school.
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225. - None of us did it.
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226. - All right.
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227. You're sticking together, okay.
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228. No, well, let's see
how long that lasts
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229. once I move your workspaces...
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230. to Conference Room... B.
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231. Wait, what's Conference Room B?
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232. Please, come in.
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233. Take in your surroundings,
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234. because this hellscape
is where you will be living
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235. until someone
tells me who did it.
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236. Um, okay, so, what was so bad
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237. about this conference
room, again?
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238. - I think you may have
noticed the terrifying lighting.
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239. Come on.
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240. - Yeah, that's it.
- That's it.
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241. - Well, let me tell you this.
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242. These chairs...
are the old ones,
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243. before the upgrade.
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244. They're unable to spin.
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245. - Actually, you need
to just reach back here,
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246. hit this little
doohickey, and...
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247. you could go wherever you want.
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248. - I got it.
- Hee!
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249. - Yeah, whee!
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250. - Whee!
- Whee!
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251. - All right, "whee"
all you want,
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252. but let me put this
little notion in your ear.
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253. No one crosses Vanderveer Wayne
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254. and gets out clean
on the other side.
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255. It's about to get nasty.
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256. Whee!
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257. - Hi there, are you Mrs. Fry?
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258. - Yes, are... are you a parent?
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259. Me, a parent?
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260. That's hilarious.
I'm super young.
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261. Look, one of my good
friends has a daughter
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262. in your class, Ruby?
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263. I just wanted to drop off
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264. this check, you
know, on the down-low
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265. for her class trip.
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266. - What class trip?
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267. You're all going to
Six Flags Metropolis.
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268. - We're all going to
Six Flags Metropolis!
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269. Yay!
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270. - No! No, class, calm down.
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271. We are not going to
Six Flags Metropolis.
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272. Look, I don't know what kind
of sick joke you're playing.
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273. This is a public school.
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274. We don't go to Six
Flags Metropolis.
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275. We go to cemeteries
and read sad poems.
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276. Leave.
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277. - All right, Operation:
Help Jackie is over.
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278. Now we're doing Operation:
Mind Your Own Business
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279. and Just Act Cool.
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280. - Okay, so you want
us to un-Emily this?
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281. - Um, I don't think acting cool
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282. is the opposite of
Emily-ing something.
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283. No.
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284. - So we're good
on dropping this?
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285. I was trying to
be a good friend,
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286. and I just went too far.
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287. Jackie is my friend,
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288. and if she needs my
help, she'll come to me.
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289. The important thing
is that no one mentions
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290. that I went to her
daughter's school.
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291. - That's the lady!
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292. She's the one who said
we were going to Six Flags.
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293. My God, Jackie!
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294. Is this your daughter
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295. who I am definitely
meeting for the first time?
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296. - Um, Van, this is ridiculous.
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297. - Teddy, you're a dignified guy.
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298. You wouldn't crap up
another man's toilet.
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299. But Ron?
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300. How much do we
really know about... Ron?
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301. - Lives with his grandma,
favorite food is pickles,
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302. birthday wish is always for
"Jurassic Park" to be real.
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303. - Enough!
- No one has to know.
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304. Tell me it was Ron.
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305. Pick it... pick it up!
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306. That's the... I...
That's why I slid it.
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307. - $1,000 to Furniture
Within Grasp?
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308. - This could buy a whole
folding chair or an ottoman.
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309. - And all of that can be yours
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310. if you just set the truth free.
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311. The truth is a little bird.
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312. It's cooped up in a cage.
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313. It's either open
that door, set it free,
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314. let it fly out on
the wings of...
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315. feathers... I don't...
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316. It's a bird, so
it... I don't know.
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317. Just... look, it's 1,000 bucks.
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318. Grasp the furniture.
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319. Teddy ratted you out.
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320. - What?
- He did?
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321. - Yup, he sold you out faster
than a Mumford & Sons concert
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322. in the whitest part of Portland.
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323. - You could just say "Portland."
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324. - He says it's you.
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325. Unless, of course, he's
lying to cover his own ass.
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326. Or maybe it's no
one's friend, Wendy.
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327. Wendy. Wendy, Wendy, Wendy.
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328. Tell me, Wendy,
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329. why does Wendy always pretend-y?
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330. - Are we flirting?
- What?
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331. - Finally.
- No.
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332. - Hello.
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333. - Keep it on.
- Keep it on. Keep it on.
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334. - Missed you at coffee.
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335. I got you one anyways.
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336. Okay, obviously, you're
still needing space.
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337. You know, I just want
to say I've forgiven you
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338. for lying to me about needing
the money for Six Flags...
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339. - Seriously?
- And I want you to know that
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340. I don't expect you to tell
me why you need the money,
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341. but I am available
to you as a friend.
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342. And that's the
last thing I will say.
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343. Okay, the last thing I'll say
is, I think it would be a shame
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344. if a misunderstanding
that was born out of love
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345. had a negative effect on
a blossoming friendship
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346. that could be great
for the both of us.
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347. - There is nothing
blossoming here.
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348. We work together. That's it.
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349. I don't want you
butting into my life.
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350. - Leave me alone.
- Jackie, wait...
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351. - I don't need your help.
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352. - Citizens of Charm City,
Copy !req
353. where is your beloved
Crimson Fox now?
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354. Buckle up!
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355. - You just got a little
bump on the head.
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356. You're all set to leave.
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357. We called your
emergency contact.
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358. - My emergency contact?
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359. Who did I put down for my...
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360. No.
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361. - Jackie!
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362. I am so flattered and
also so glad you're okay.
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363. - Calm down; I had
to put somebody down,
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364. and you're kind of sort
of reliable and capable
Copy !req
365. in a middle school
hall monitor kind of way.
Copy !req
366. Locker break-ins
dropped 24% on my watch.
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367. - I have no doubt they did.
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368. - Look, I know I
overstepped my bounds...
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369. - Yeah, you did.
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370. But maybe I have too
many bounds to step over.
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371. So do you want to know
what that money's for?
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372. - I mean...
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373. - Night classes.
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374. I don't want to spend the
rest of my life helping Van
Copy !req
375. with his poop witch-hunts,
so I'm trying to get my MBA.
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376. I didn't want to
tell you because...
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377. My God, Jackie,
that is so amazing.
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378. - Because of that.
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379. I don't like that
kind of attention.
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380. - The attention of people
who love and care for you?
Copy !req
381. - I'm not saying it's healthy.
Copy !req
382. If I'm being honest, it would
probably be good for me
Copy !req
383. to be friends with
someone like you.
Copy !req
384. But if you could just turn
the volume down a little?
Copy !req
385. You want people to
lean in, not lean out.
Copy !req
386. - See, I like having a
friend who can tell me that.
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387. - And I like having a friend
who would probably notice
Copy !req
388. if I was dead in my apartment.
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389. - Well, what about your kid?
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390. - She has an iPad.
Copy !req
391. Could we maybe, like, hug?
Copy !req
392. - Make it quick.
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393. Really quick.
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394. - Turn it off.
- Contact.
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395. - Drive me home.
- Anytime.
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396. - How much for
the Eames lounger?
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397. Okay, and can I get
that with a cup holder?
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398. - Traitor and tacky.
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399. - Hey, what's happening?
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400. I'll tell you what's happening.
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401. Wendy's weak, and
she sold one of us out
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402. for a fricking gift card.
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403. - I did not sell anybody out.
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404. I bet you're the one
who used Van's toilet
Copy !req
405. and you're trying to
throw people off the scent
Copy !req
406. by blaming me.
Copy !req
407. - You know I can't
use a work bathroom.
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408. That's why I have to drive
home at lunch every day.
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409. - And you know that I
can't go to the bathroom
Copy !req
410. unless there are people around
Copy !req
411. to give me a sense
of comfort and security.
Copy !req
412. - You've been there!
- I do know that.
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413. - That's a very strange thing.
- Well, does that...
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414. - Enough!
Copy !req
415. We're all friends here,
Copy !req
416. and Van is tearing us apart.
Copy !req
417. And I'm putting an end to it.
Copy !req
418. - Van?
Copy !req
419. I pooped in your toilet.
Copy !req
420. - Finally, the truth comes out.
Copy !req
421. Ron, your punishment will
be of biblical proportions.
Copy !req
422. - Van, I pooped in your toilet.
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423. - No, I pooped in your toilet.
Copy !req
424. - All three of you
defecated in my toilet?
Copy !req
425. Simultaneously?
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426. You are some dirty birdies.
Copy !req
427. - No, this is a gesture.
- We're sticking together.
Copy !req
428. If you want to punish one of us,
Copy !req
429. you're gonna have
to punish us all.
Copy !req
430. Haven't you ever
seen "Spartacus"?
Copy !req
431. - Thank you for ruining
"Spartacus" for me.
Copy !req
432. They found the security footage
Copy !req
433. of who crapped up my toilet.
Copy !req
434. Now we'll know for sure.
Copy !req
435. Jackie, there's a
bee! It looks stingy!
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436. Okay, ignore that.
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437. Jackie!
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438. I'm meditating.
Jackie, is it on me?
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439. It was above the desk!
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440. It's in the room!
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441. Do you see it?
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442. - Did you get it?
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443. It's dead.
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444. - So no one
pooped in your toilet.
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445. - Thank you.
- Jackie just used that magazine
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446. to kill a bee and left it there.
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447. - That's right.
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448. I knew this all along.
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449. This was me teaching you
a very convoluted lesson...
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450. about friendship.
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451. Thank you.
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452. - Look at us.
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453. - I'm only wearing
this because I got
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454. the instructor's blood
on the other one.
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455. - Ooh, sexy ladies
wearing matching shirts.
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456. Hey, how about a
matching foot-long?
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457. What the...
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458. - This stops now.
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459. - Yeah, Tony, you got that?
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460. - I got it.
- Let go, please. It hurts.
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461. - You know this is our
last Tony dog, right?
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462. - Yeah, I know.
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463. It's so hard to divorce
the artist from his work.
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464. - But it's so good.
- It's so good!
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465. - My name is Peter.
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466. - Ha. That's funny.
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