Police Squad! 1x4

Directed by Paul Krasny

Joyce Brothers as Dr. Joyce Brother • Peter Lupus as Norberg • Spencer Milligan as Eddie • Bonnie Campbell-Britton as Lana • Kate O'Sullivan as Mimi

Frank investigates a district judge's courtroom after it is booby-trapped with a powerful explosive. The main suspect is a recently paroled ex-convict with a history of similar bombings. Upon questioning the bomber's ex-wife, Frank and Ed find she's more interested in getting charity than the fact that her ex-husband may be up to his old tricks. Frank and Ed discover the bomber has a showgirl girlfriend on the side. She has the perfect alibi for her boyfriend, but Frank and Ed wonder if she's really just covering for him.

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1. Police Squad! In color.

2. Starring Leslie Nielsen.

3. Also starring Alan North.

4. And Rex Hamilton as Abraham Lincoln.

5. Tonight's special guest star, William Shatner.

6. Hey, you!

7. Tonight's episode, The Guilty Alibi.

8. Oh, it's only you, Ralph. How's it going?

9. Great!

10. The Superior Court of the County of Fordham is now in session.

11. The Honorable J. Oliver Maxwell presiding.

12. You may be seated.

13. The court will come to order.

14. Uh, there will be a five minute recess.

15. My name is Lieutenant Frank Drebin,

16. Police Squad, a special unit of the police department.

17. I was having my car washed when I received an urgent call from downtown.

18. There had been a bombing at the courthouse.

19. I got to headquarters as fast as I could.

20. - Hi, Ed. - Oh, Frank.

21. What do you got for me?

22. A sizable explosion over at the criminal courts building.

23. - Coffee, Frank? - Sure.

24. Yeah, that poor judge never stood a chance.

25. Anyone else hurt?

26. No, some minor injuries, but nothing serious.

27. A doughnut, Frank?

28. Yeah, thanks.

29. Sounds like the judge was a target. What do we got on him?

30. Well, his name was J. Oliver Maxwell.

31. He'd been on the bench for 25 years.

32. Had a reputation for harsh sentences.

33. A revenge killing?

34. Well, that was my thought, Frank.

35. I've got Marcus and Drake going through the records of recently released prisoners.

36. Turns out that seven of those guys

37. were sent up by Judge Maxwell himself.

38. Here, I've made out a list for you.

39. Ah, Monroe, Lynch,

40. Barker, Fanning, Smith, Brookhouse, Casales.

41. Wait a minute. That name rings a bell.

42. Eddie Casales?

43. (BELL BUZZES) Casals...

44. (BELL RINGS) Casales...

45. (BELL TOLLS) Casals...

46. Say, wasn't that the guy that was convicted of bombing

47. about six or seven years ago?

48. Right.

49. And I remember him as being a pretty tough customer.

50. Yeah.

51. Al? You got that file on Eddie Casales?

52. - Got it right here. - Thanks.

53. Oh, and Al, get yourself a haircut. You look ridiculous.

54. Sorry, Captain, I was just trying something different.

55. Here we are.

56. Casales, age 40, sentenced 12 years Statesville Prison

57. for two counts willful destruction of property,

58. possession of explosives without a permit.

59. No previous felony record.

60. Paroled last month after serving seven years.

61. Well, according to this, Frank, he was a model prisoner.

62. Motive and M.O. fit.

63. Yeah, well, it's as good a place as any to start.

64. Here's his last known address.

65. Evidently his ex-wife still lives there.

66. Let's check out this Eddie Casales.

67. Right.

68. Our file on Casales pointed out the fact

69. that he had been divorced while in prison.

70. His wife buried herself in charity work to ease the pain.

71. Yes?

72. - Are you Lana Casales? - Yes.

73. Lieutenant Drebin, Captain Hocken, Police Squad.

74. May we ask you some questions?

75. Oh, well, certainly. Come on in.

76. Thank you.

77. I hope you'll excuse the mess.

78. I've been packing up a few things for charity.

79. Uh-huh.

80. - May I take your coat, Captain? - Thank you.

81. I suppose this has something to do with Eddie?

82. I'm afraid so.

83. It's about the courthouse bombing, isn't it?

84. Well, it's in all the papers.

85. - Oh, let me take that. - Oh, thank you.

86. Have you, uh, seen or heard from Eddie since he's been released?

87. We haven't spoken much since the divorce.

88. It's just as well.

89. Do you know where Eddie is right now?

90. You might try the Club Flamingo.

91. He hangs out there with some chorus girl,

92. a floozy named Mimi Du Jour.

93. Du Jour. Is she French?

94. That's just her stage name. Her real name is Mimi Coffee.

95. Coffee?

96. No, thank you.

97. It seemed Lana welcomed this opportunity to pour her heart out.

98. At first she and Eddie had a good marriage,

99. regular jobs, close friends, a dentist.

100. She thought it would last forever.

101. Slowly he began to change.

102. When Eddie's criminal activities became known,

103. they were run from town like common pygmies.

104. We waited until she had finished her story,

105. then we left on what we hoped would be

106. a rendezvous with Eddie Casales.

107. That evening we caught Mimi Du Jour's show at the Club Flamingo.

108. We hoped a talk with her would be half as revealing as her act.

109. Yeah?

110. - Mimi Du Jour? - Yeah.

111. I'm Lieutenant Drebin. This is Captain Hocken, Police Squad.

112. Is this some kind of bust?

113. Yes, it's very impressive, but we'd just like to ask a few questions.

114. Well, come on in.

115. Thank you. We'll try not to take up too much of your time.

116. - Do you mind if I change? - Not at all.

117. We understand you're acquainted with a certain Eddie Casales.

118. Yeah. Why do you ask?

119. Just wanna ask him some questions.

120. He's not in any kind of trouble, is he?

121. Well, we're not sure. Do you know where we can find him?

122. I have no idea.

123. All right, let's get moving. You're on stage in five minutes.

124. There's a misunderstanding. We're police officers.

125. Police officers?

126. Five minutes.

127. Did you by any chance, uh, have any occasion to know

128. where Eddie was last night?

129. Last night?

130. Why, yes, he—he was with me.

131. We went to the movies.

132. - Oh, yeah. - Yeah.

133. On the Waterfront.

134. Come on. There are no movie theaters on the waterfront.

135. Mimi, you ready?

136. Eddie!

137. Hey, creeps, beat it! I'm taking the lady home.

138. They're cops, Eddie.

139. Eddie, we'd like to ask you a few questions.

140. Two minutes and I'm not kidding. You a policeman, too?

141. No, I'm an ex-con.

142. Ex-con.

143. Two minutes.

144. What were you doing on the waterfront last night, Eddie?

145. I wasn't on the waterfront. I was at the movies.

146. That's not what she says.

147. All right, can it. I know why you guys are here.

148. You're trying to pin that court bombing on me.

149. We were getting around to that.

150. Yeah, well, a lot of guys could have done it.

151. Boy, you cops never give an ex-con a break.

152. I try to put my past behind me, but every time I turn around,

153. well, there's somebody there telling me who I am or where I've been.

154. It's like you're branded for life.

155. We're sorry about that, Eddie. Don't plan on leaving town.

156. We might want to talk to you again.

157. Didn't you tell them I was at the movies?

158. Sure, just like you said, Eddie.

159. I'd never cross you up.

160. Yeah. Good girl.

161. So you see, Katie,

162. fish have gills to extract oxygen from water,

163. but—but air-breathing species have lungs

164. which are equipped only to accept oxygen in its natural state.

165. And that's why most mammals must live on land.

166. Wow, that's neat!

167. Oh, hi, Frank.

168. Would you like to keep him, Katie?

169. Can I?

170. Gee, thanks, Mr. Olson.

171. Why don't you run along now, Katie,

172. and next week I'll show you why women can't play professional football.

173. Okay. Bye, Mr. Olson.

174. Any progress, Ted?

175. Some. Look at this.

176. We've been sorting through the fragments left by the bombing.

177. And we've been able to reconstruct the part of the courtroom

178. where the explosion occurred.

179. What's the bomb made from?

180. I've analyzed the fragments.

181. We found traces of seven common household chemicals.

182. When mixed together in the proper ratios, they can be highly unstable.

183. What you're saying is that anyone

184. with a high school knowledge of chemistry could have made the bomb.

185. Right.

186. It's a fairly crude explosive,

187. not the work of a professional.

188. Hey, watch it! Hey, Frank, take it easy.

189. I'm sorry, Ted.

190. Doctor says that too much caffeine makes me edgy.

191. Why don't you try some of this?

192. It's decaffeinated coffee.

193. Decaffeinated, huh?

194. Well, I'll give it a try.

195. Ted.

196. Oh, hi, Frank.

197. You were right about that coffee.

198. I sure feel better now.

199. Well, accidents will happen.

200. (ON RADIO) ... kinda cold in that section of the country.

201. Locally, it is 68 degrees under partly cloudy skies...

202. (ON RADIO) No reports of traffic congestion

203. (COUGHING) on any of the major freeways coming into midtown.

204. (ON BULLHORN) Disperse! Please disperse!

205. There's nothing for you to see here.

206. Please go home. Keep moving, please.

207. Keep moving.

208. Glad you're here, Frank. What do you got, Ed?

209. Victim's name was John Symington. He was a trial lawyer.

210. Oh, and this'll interest you.

211. He used to be an assistant DA.

212. Uh-huh.

213. Seven years ago he prosecuted Eddie Casales.

214. - That's quite a coincidence. - Yeah.

215. I can't believe anybody would do something so cruel.

216. Senseless brutality, senseless waste.

217. Cut down in the prime of life.

218. That car was a classic. A '68.

219. Do you suppose the widow would take $1,500 for it?

220. No, there's the tow truck.

221. What do you think, Ed?

222. Well, my guess, Frank, is it's the same sort of a bomb.

223. The strange thing is, we haven't been able to find the body.

224. That was quite an explosion.

225. Yeah.

226. Well, our job's done here.

227. Yeah, we better get back to headquarters. What time is it?

228. Mmm, it's later than I thought.

229. Lieutenant,

230. I found this on the curb next to the car.

231. Club Flamingo.

232. I think we better have a talk with Eddie Casales.

233. Mmm.

234. I'm telling you, you got nothing on me.

235. You're wasting your time.

236. All right, Eddie. Let's go over it again.

237. Where were you last night?

238. I told you a dozen times. I was at the movies.

239. I've got the sandwiches here.

240. All right, Eddie, you went to the movies. Now what did you see?

241. I told you, I don't remember!

242. Uh, who had the egg salad?

243. (MIMICKING EDDIE) I don't remember.

244. Somebody ordered it.

245. You can't expect us to buy that.

246. But I already paid for it.

247. Why don't you give a guy a break?

248. Thanks a lot.

249. - What's the charge, huh? - Uh, $4.58.

250. What're you trying to do, insult us?

251. Okay, $3.50. Coffee's on me.

252. I told you. I went to the movies.

253. I feel asleep. I don't remember.

254. You don't expect us to swallow that!

255. All right, I'll eat it.

256. But I don't think it's fair that I should have to pay for it.

257. All right, Eddie.

258. Let's say you did go to the movies.

259. Okay.

260. "You did go to the movies."

261. Then let's say that you were nowhere near the Club Flamingo.

262. All right.

263. "You were nowhere near the Club Flamingo."

264. Then explain this to me.

265. Well, you take this little cardboard stick out

266. with sulfur on the end

267. and you rub it on the edges and it makes fire.

268. Don't play dumb with me, Eddie.

269. You spend a lot of time at the Club Flamingo.

270. Yeah, well, so did a lot of guys. It was a popular club.

271. AL: Captain, can you take a phone call?

272. Not now, Al.

273. Why don't you come clean?

274. Make it easy on yourself. Tell us the truth.

275. Well, I ain't talking! You got nothing to book me on!

276. Frank.

277. I'm afraid he's right.

278. We're gonna have to let him go.

279. All the evidence we've got is purely circumstantial.

280. Yeah, you're right.

281. Tell that bomber to take off.

282. When I got home I received a call from Mimi Du Jour.

283. She said she wanted to see me at the club right away.

284. Since I had no idea where the Club Rightaway was,

285. I suggested the Club Flamingo. She agreed.

286. - May I check your coat? - Thank you.

287. Thank you.

288. Well, Mimi Du Jour.

289. Oh, Lieutenant, thank you for coming.

290. - Cigarette? - Yes, I know.

291. Well, what can I do for you?

292. It's about Eddie.

293. I—I can't cover for him anymore.

294. Ricardo, two more, please. What do you mean?

295. I lied.

296. He never took me to the movies.

297. What?

298. (ENUNCIATING LOUDLY) I lied. He never took me to the movies.

299. Where'd he go?

300. Out somewhere.

301. He told me it was best if I didn't know anything.

302. If he's mixed up in all this trouble,

303. I don't wanna be part of it.

304. And if it's another girl he's seeing,

305. - (SLURPING) - I don't wanna be a sap.

306. Mmm. I understand.

307. No, you don't.

308. You don't know how hard it is ratting on the guy you love.

309. I'm all Eddie's had since he divorced his wife.

310. Wait a minute, I thought Lana left him.

311. No.

312. Now he has good reason to dump me, too.

313. Maybe I should have just kept my big mouth shut.

314. Mimi had done the right thing.

315. She had provided me with a few answers, but now I needed more.

316. Hi, Johnny.

317. I need some information on a certain parolee.

318. You mean Eddie Casales?

319. Yeah, what do you know about him?

320. Convicted bomber, released a month ago.

321. It's all in your files, Lieutenant.

322. No, no, no, I need something personal.

323. What occupies his time?

324. Mimi Du Jour and the Milwaukee Brewers.

325. Does he see many games?

326. Season tickets.

327. Beyond that, I don't know nothing.

328. Thanks, Johnny.

329. Johnny, I've been getting a lot of mail about the Cinderella complex.

330. So?

331. Women's fear of success

332. has left many of them confused

333. about their wants and needs.

334. Consequently, the stress-related burnout

335. has driven many women from feminist aggression

336. to female passivity,

337. dependent upon their partner for vicarious fulfillment.

338. Well, what do I tell them?

339. Tell them to get in touch with their unconscious feelings

340. and to share in the growth process with their partner.

341. Thanks, Johnny.

342. See you.

343. Uh, Lana,

344. Lieutenant Drebin here. We picked up Eddie.

345. But we had to release him.

346. We don't have enough to hold him on.

347. Oh, he's such a vindictive man.

348. What will it take to put him behind bars for good?

349. Well, we're lacking that one piece of special evidence

350. that would make an airtight case.

351. In the meantime, Lana, we're worried about you and Mimi.

352. Mimi?

353. Yeah, Mimi blew his alibi.

354. Now, Eddie knows the two of you talked to the police

355. and he's mad.

356. There's no predicting what he might do.

357. We've offered Mimi police protection,

358. but she's tired of having the cops hanging around.

359. I see.

360. Now, we're prepared to offer you

361. the same police protection.

362. That's very thoughtful, Lieutenant,

363. but it won't be necessary.

364. I'm leaving town tonight.

365. Oh, I see.

366. Ah, well, in the long run, that might be just as well.

367. Listen, Lana, in the meantime, be careful.

368. Lana's attitude seemed confusing.

369. She was almost hostile toward Eddie,

370. yet she felt no threat from him.

371. Now she was suddenly leaving town.

372. Mimi was scared. She had to be. She was a sitting duck.

373. She loved Eddie. That was clear.

374. But if he was the bomber, she knew there could be no future.

375. There was nothing we could do now

376. but wait for the bomber's next move

377. and hope we could stop him before he struck again.

378. Is she still there, Frank?

379. Yeah.

380. You've gotta hand it to Mimi.

381. Her life's in danger and yet she won't run away.

382. Mmm.

383. - Hmm? - Hold it.

384. There's someone over there. Let's go.

385. It's time. We've spotted the suspect and we're going in.

386. Roger, we copy. We have you in view.

387. Not so loud.

388. Sorry, we didn't copy that.

389. Will you be quiet?

390. Roger. Ready to assist.

391. Okay, hold it!

392. Not this time, Lana. The game's over.

393. Stand back!

394. Now, make it easy on yourself.

395. We know you did the other bombings.

396. I'm warning you, Lieutenant. Don't come any closer

397. or I'll blow this whole neighborhood sky high.

398. Get back! Get back all of you.

399. You people are in great danger.

400. Now someone could get hurt. Now get back.

401. Listen to me. Get your hands off that detonator.

402. Forget it, Lieutenant. You set me up.

403. If I can't have Eddie back, I'll make sure that Mimi can't have him either.

404. Wait!

405. I don't understand, I...

406. Eddie!

407. Just in time, Eddie.

408. Piece of cake, Lieutenant.

409. No, thanks, I just ate.

410. Well, Lana, you didn't leave town tonight,

411. but you'll be leaving soon for the Stateville Prison.

412. Okay, boys, run her in.

413. Here you are, Ed.

414. Oh, thanks, Frank.

415. Well, it looks like Lana'll be doing her bombing

416. up in the Stateville Prison from now on.

417. Up there along with Sally Decker and Martin and Gunderson.

418. You know, there's one thing that still puzzles me about this case.

419. Now, you said Eddie lied about his alibi?

420. Yeah, he wasn't at the movie.

421. He was over in Milwaukee watching a baseball game.

422. Afraid to tell anyone because crossing over the state line

423. is a violation of parole.

424. Parole violation, huh?

425. Well, what are we gonna do about that?

426. Ah, forget it.

427. There are some things you can't deprive a man of.

428. Well, I'll drink to that, Frank.

429. Say, Captain, what do you want me to do with these files...

430. Be sure to tune in next week for another exciting story

431. from the files of Police Squad!