1. Come on. Keep together.Copy !req
2. We're getting warmer.
Did anyone see the film Backdraft?Copy !req
3. I worked on that.
Showing De Niro the ropes.Copy !req
4. Lovely bloke, Bobby.Copy !req
5. That completes your tour.
I've been your tour guide, Kenny Senior.Copy !req
6. Hope you've enjoyed...Copy !req
7. Hope you've enjoyed the tour today.
Hope you've enjoyed...Copy !req
8. Thank you, Kenny Senior.
This way, ladies and gentlemen.Copy !req
9. This is where you buy
your charred souvenir remains.Copy !req
10. Potter wants more ashtrays.Copy !req
11. Hold up. Bit of chair, there.Copy !req
12. - Right.
- Be careful with that.Copy !req
13. £2, your charred glasses, there,
as, er, left on the fire.Copy !req
14. All this is charred remains, love.Copy !req
15. - You're just cashing in.
- Oh, no, we're not cashing in, love.Copy !req
16. No, you think that,
but getting rid of this is therapeutic.Copy !req
17. It's part of the healing process.Copy !req
18. Some of us still suffer flashbacks.Copy !req
19. It's our Vietnam, this.
Scars are mental as well as physical.Copy !req
20. - How much are your ashtrays?
- Four quid.Copy !req
21. - Go on, I'll have two.
- Jerry, two ashtrays, please.Copy !req
22. Yah, you bastard! Shit! Shit!Copy !req
23. Some of us are still suffering, love.Copy !req
24. 'The Queen celebrated
her silver jubilee.Copy !req
25. 'The Yorkshire Ripper was still at largeCopy !req
26. 'and David Soul got to number one.Copy !req
27. 'What was the year?Copy !req
28. 'It's The Golden Years
on Chorley FM.Copy !req
29. 'Coming in your ears.'Copy !req
30. Yeah, yeah. What is it?Copy !req
31. - She what?
- Kamikaze.Copy !req
32. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
I see, I see, I see.Copy !req
33. Not a bad drop, is it?Copy !req
34. Ha, h... hey.Copy !req
35. I was saying to the wife - not a bad drop.Copy !req
36. New, premier Japanese rager.Copy !req
37. Kamikaze.Copy !req
38. Could have done with this
when they built your railways. Not bad.Copy !req
39. And what's all this about?
Win a year's free supply?Copy !req
40. Win a year suppry. Dozo.Copy !req
41. - Big promotion.
- Yeah?Copy !req
42. For big, UK launch.Copy !req
43. Let the British people know.Copy !req
44. Oh, right. Let the British people know.Copy !req
45. If you wanna let them know, my son,
you've gotta get out.Copy !req
46. Wasting your time in here.Copy !req
47. You've gotta get into the pubs,
get into the heart of clubland.Copy !req
48. - 'Sonya to non-food.'
- Pubs, club?Copy !req
49. Clubland. Brian Potter.Copy !req
50. I run the Phoenix club, world famous.Copy !req
51. As seen on TV. You might recognise me.Copy !req
52. Eh?Copy !req
53. No? I'm a bit of...
bit of a celebrity round here.Copy !req
54. Yeah, yeah. This, this big...
this big UK launch,Copy !req
55. have you thought about
where you might be having it?Copy !req
56. - What do you think, Joyce?
- I'm not raving, Mary.Copy !req
57. No.Copy !req
58. Well, what do you think?Copy !req
59. - It's got a bit of a kick.
- Like a Japanese mule, Leslie.Copy !req
60. - What do you think, Jerry?
- I can't drink on my tablets.Copy !req
61. - More t...? What are these for?
- Remember, you burnt me hand?Copy !req
62. I didn't burn your hand.
You burnt your own bloody hand.Copy !req
63. Christ. Look at all these.
Druggie, druggie, druggie.Copy !req
64. You'll be in the toilets next,
snorting Cecil.Copy !req
65. - You mean Charlie?
- What?Copy !req
66. - Charlie.
- I don't know who he is. Never met him.Copy !req
67. Can you get mules in Japan?Copy !req
68. I can.Copy !req
69. - Beautiful, isn't it?
- What are you gonna do, sell it?Copy !req
70. More than that. We're gonna launch it.Copy !req
71. Had a chat at the cash-and-carry
with the top bollocks.Copy !req
72. Couldn't speak English
but he was fluent in the language of...Copy !req
73. business, that's the main thing.Copy !req
74. The upshot being,
he wants to have his grand launch here.Copy !req
75. - Here, why?
- Cos we're the Phoenix Club,Copy !req
76. as seen on TV, we're world famous.Copy !req
77. Once he knew that,
he jumped at the chance.Copy !req
78. D'you have to eat that muck in here?
It stinks!Copy !req
79. Aw, Brian, it's beautiful.Copy !req
80. Come on. Come on, try a bit. Go on.Copy !req
81. Get bent.
I've got heartburn just smelling it.Copy !req
82. So this grand launch,
what does he want? Big cabaret?Copy !req
83. - Dancers? Bingo? Raffle?
- No, no, no. He wants...Copy !req
84. A quiz. A pub quiz.Copy !req
85. - A pub quiz?
- Yeah.Copy !req
86. A big quiz with a big prize. Read that.Copy !req
87. "Win a year's supply of Kamikaze lager."Copy !req
88. - Yeah. And we're gonna win it.
- How?Copy !req
89. - We're gonna cheat.
- You can't cheat.Copy !req
90. We can. Why can't we?
Someone's gotta win. Why can't it be us?Copy !req
91. I wish you'd have discussed it with me.
I'm the licensee.Copy !req
92. What's there to discuss?
We're losing a fighting battle.Copy !req
93. That there, that's the answer
to our prayers, my son.Copy !req
94. - A year's supply of free beer for sod-all.
- When does he want this quiz?Copy !req
95. - Wednesday.
- Wednesday?Copy !req
96. - Yeah.
- Not this Wednesday.Copy !req
97. That's my night. Free And Easy night.Copy !req
98. Well, if it's that free and easy, shift it.Copy !req
99. No, I won't. I've built up a following.Copy !req
100. Well, tell them they can both
come to the quiz.Copy !req
101. Very funny. Thursday's quiz night,
always has been.Copy !req
102. Wednesday, Free And Easy night.
You can't rearrange days.Copy !req
103. I can do what we like, it's your club.Copy !req
104. Well, look. If I'm in charge, I say no.Copy !req
105. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Adolf.
Just roll back.Copy !req
106. Eh? There's a democracy.
We'll bloody vote.Copy !req
107. Right, fine. We'll have a vote on it, then.Copy !req
108. - Yeah.
- Right. All those in favourCopy !req
109. of not having a quiz night
on Wednesday, say "aye".Copy !req
110. Aye.Copy !req
111. I'm sorry,
I don't understand the question.Copy !req
112. You don't, do you?
Why don't you put your hand down?Copy !req
113. Thanks, everybody.
Thanks for your support.Copy !req
114. - Have your bloody precious quiz.
- We will.Copy !req
115. But if you think I'm cancelling Free and
Easy, you've got another think coming.Copy !req
116. Good. We'll have our quiz in here.Copy !req
117. - Good.
- Yeah.Copy !req
118. - Fine.
- OK.Copy !req
119. Let me know if you want those mules.Copy !req
120. .. two, one, two. Testing, one, two.Copy !req
121. Three, two, one. One, two.Copy !req
122. Two. One, two. One, two.Copy !req
123. Oh, God. Eh? Frig me. Eh?Copy !req
124. No wonder you wanted
your Free And Easy night.Copy !req
125. "Jerry St Clair"? "Young At Heart"?Copy !req
126. Did somebody say something then?
D'you hear anything?Copy !req
127. "Sexbomb. She Bangs, She Bangs."Copy !req
128. Oh, all the hits, eh?
Ho, ho, they're all on here.Copy !req
129. Can you tell him you look with
your eyes, not with your hands?Copy !req
130. He says, you look with your eyes,
not with your hands.Copy !req
131. I heard what he said, Leslie, all right?Copy !req
132. "The Drugs Don't Work."
They should. You've taken enough.Copy !req
133. What are them? What do they do?
Stop you being an arsehole?Copy !req
134. - It's you that's the arsehole.
- Ha-ha! You spoke to me.Copy !req
135. Hey, he spoke to me. Time out, I win.Copy !req
136. - The winner. Game over.
- They're for stress, all right?Copy !req
137. Stress? What do you know about stress?Copy !req
138. You wanna try walking a mile
in my shoes, boy.Copy !req
139. - Yeah, so do you.
- Oh, that were below the belt.Copy !req
140. Well, you wouldn't have felt it then,
would you?Copy !req
141. Eh? Well, one... Two-nil.
Why don't you go for the hat trick?Copy !req
142. Go on, slash me tyres
while I'm here, go on.Copy !req
143. Look, for Christ's sake,
will you two just pack it in?Copy !req
144. You're like a couple of bloody kids.Copy !req
145. He started it. 20 years, 20 years.Copy !req
146. I've known you,
Jerry Dignan, all that time,Copy !req
147. and this person,
this past week, I don't know.Copy !req
148. Who are you? I don't know you.Copy !req
149. You know why?
I've realised what you are, at last.Copy !req
150. You're a manipulator,
a schemer, that's what you are.Copy !req
151. You've got your precious quiz
but you've got to cheat to win.Copy !req
152. I'm doing it for the club.Copy !req
153. I've heard it before, Brian. What will they
do when they find out you've cheated?Copy !req
154. It's not my problem.
Like you say, you're the licensee.Copy !req
155. Innit? Noodles, them.Copy !req
156. Who's made it?Copy !req
157. Lads in t'back.Copy !req
158. - Answer sheet?
- Yes, please.Copy !req
159. - Thank you.
- Thanks very much. Thank you.Copy !req
160. - Here's the Phoenix team.
- All right?Copy !req
161. I thought there were three of you.
Where's Shere Khan?Copy !req
162. - Getting food.
- Look at this.Copy !req
163. - It's a quiz, not a carvery.
- There you go.Copy !req
164. - All right, Young Kenny.
- Nice one, Ken.Copy !req
165. Christ, what colour's your face today?Copy !req
166. - It's false tan, look.
- False tan?Copy !req
167. If you're using my sarolium for frig-all,
it'll be more than your face that's tanned.Copy !req
168. Smashing, this.Copy !req
169. It just winked at me.
Listen, do you know what you're doing?Copy !req
170. Don't worry.
We got it all sorted. Go on.Copy !req
171. - What are those?
- Answers.Copy !req
172. Do you know the questions?Copy !req
173. No, but you never know, do you?Copy !req
174. Jesus wept.Copy !req
175. The Phoenix club,
in association with Kamikaze,Copy !req
176. presents the biggest quiz in clubland!Copy !req
177. Please give it up for the one and only,
the Mental Oriental, Mr Ray Von. Chaww!Copy !req
178. Thank you. Thank you.Copy !req
179. Thank you for that warm welcome.Copy !req
180. It was lovely. It really did
bring a tear to my Jap's eye.Copy !req
181. Ah-so.Copy !req
182. Fill in your answers
on the sheet provided.Copy !req
183. Have you seen it out there? Have you?Copy !req
184. Dead. Dead. I told him it'd be like this.Copy !req
185. Where's Dot and Moira, eh?
Cliff and Tony?Copy !req
186. Wednesday night.
Free And Easy night, eh?Copy !req
187. Half-empty.Copy !req
188. Mm?Copy !req
189. Let's win that lager.Copy !req
190. Your first question.Copy !req
191. I suffer from pyrophobia.Copy !req
192. So what am I afraid of?Copy !req
193. - Pirates.
- Go on.Copy !req
194. - I suffer from...
- Straightaway. Poom.Copy !req
195. - What am I afraid of?
- I'm off for a drink.Copy !req
196. - Fancy a drink?
- I-I need a slash.Copy !req
197. Hello, Mam. It's Kenny.Copy !req
198. Kenny, your son.Copy !req
199. I know, I'm sorry it's been a long time.Copy !req
200. Yeah, I know.
I'm sorry I missed the funeral.Copy !req
201. Oh... Don't cry.Copy !req
202. Listen, what's pyrophobia a fear of?Copy !req
203. I'll name that tune in one.Copy !req
204. Thanks for coming to Free And
Easy night, not bothering with the quiz.Copy !req
205. We've got a great night for you.Copy !req
206. Go wild and crazy, give
a lovely welcome to Two's Company!Copy !req
207. Put the eyes back in, Granddad.Copy !req
208. - I'm Candy Floss.
- And I'm Barbara Q.Copy !req
209. - Have you got any water chestnuts?
- Yeah, it's good gear, this.Copy !req
210. Mm! Urgh!Copy !req
211. - What's that?
- It's sake.Copy !req
212. - God's sake, don't drink that.
- Me mouth's on fire.Copy !req
213. I'm not surprised.
You'll strip paint with that stuff.Copy !req
214. Sport.Copy !req
215. My balls are black and blue.Copy !req
216. I've just hit them with a mallet.Copy !req
217. What game am I playing?Copy !req
218. He's hit his balls with a mallet?Copy !req
219. S'what he said.Copy !req
220. My balls are black and blue.Copy !req
221. - I've just hit them with a...
- Oh, shit. They've all smudged.Copy !req
222. - What the f...? State of this.
- All right, love.Copy !req
223. Your next question.Copy !req
224. was that a mobile phone
we just heard go off?Copy !req
225. You'll have to turn that off.
Can't have any mobile phones...Copy !req
226. - Evening, Potter.
- .. enemy of the quiz.Copy !req
227. What do you want, Perry?
You're barred. Shouldn't be in here.Copy !req
228. Now, now. Not a very warm welcome.Copy !req
229. You're still attracting
the up-market clientele.Copy !req
230. Christ. Don't know what smells worse,
them or the food.Copy !req
231. - What do you want, Perry?
- Me year's supply of lager.Copy !req
232. Ah, well. You're too late,
aren't you, dickhead?Copy !req
233. Because the quiz has started.
Ha-ha-ha.Copy !req
234. I know. I've come to see
how my team's getting on.Copy !req
235. There they are.
The Banana Grove's finest.Copy !req
236. Top of the quiz league,
three years running.Copy !req
237. Right little Bamber Gascoignes, they are.
All right, lads?Copy !req
238. Ringers? You can't do that,
Perry, that's cheating.Copy !req
239. Well, you tell it to the judge, Ironside.Copy !req
240. The quiz ninja's word is final.Copy !req
241. One and eight, 18.Copy !req
242. Eight and three, 83.Copy !req
243. Five and...Copy !req
244. Five and nine. Nine. Fif-nine. 59!Copy !req
245. - Got one. This is on its own.
- Something's not right.Copy !req
246. Who was I and why did I kill?Copy !req
247. Hey, Den Perry's got a team in.Copy !req
248. - Where?
- Over there.Copy !req
249. They're the league champions.Copy !req
250. - It's all right.
- The next questionCopy !req
251. - is worth seven points.
- Ooh!Copy !req
252. I want you to name...
The Magnificent Seven.Copy !req
253. OK, now you're talking. Here we go.Copy !req
254. Coburn.Copy !req
255. - Yul Brynner.
- McQueen.Copy !req
256. McQueen. Bronson.Copy !req
257. Sneezy.Copy !req
258. Dopey.Copy !req
259. Bashful.Copy !req
260. We'll shit 'em.Copy !req
261. Yeah. Six and three, 63. Ye... ge...Copy !req
262. Eight and four, 84.Copy !req
263. Two little ducks. Quack, quack.
Don't believe me?Copy !req
264. - There, have a look. 22.
- Slow it down.Copy !req
265. ..41, never mind slower, catch up.Copy !req
266. - He's off his head.
- I'm not surprised.Copy !req
267. Have you seen all this here? What's this?Copy !req
268. Co-codamol, Pro Plus,
echinacea, ginkgo biloba.Copy !req
269. He's eight miles high, this lad.
He's gangsta trippin'.Copy !req
270. Here we go. What's four and five? 15.Copy !req
271. - Forty five, fif... 13!
- House!Copy !req
272. House! Shut up! Shut up!
I've got balls left in.Copy !req
273. Are you blind, woman?
You don't own me, you lot.Copy !req
274. I'm telling you now.Copy !req
275. - What were 14?
- I was developed...Copy !req
276. - Basil Brush.
- What about 21?Copy !req
277. - ..by compressed air...
- Great Wall of China.Copy !req
278. Oh, were it?Copy !req
279. You're right clever, you.
I won't be a minute.Copy !req
280. Get us some crisps.Copy !req
281. Syphilis.Copy !req
282. - Basil Brush.
- Yep.Copy !req
283. And that's the Great Wall of China.Copy !req
284. Lovely.Copy !req
285. - What's that?
- That? That's my mobile.Copy !req
286. Oh, yeah?
You naughty girl, eh?Copy !req
287. You'll do for me. Go on. Hey.Copy !req
288. - Oh!
- Ooh. Hey.Copy !req
289. Look at that.Copy !req
290. You'll get nowhere in life doing that.Copy !req
291. I don't know. It got me my eleven-plus.Copy !req
292. Hey. Oi. Are you cold?Copy !req
293. - 'Ey up, Jerry.
- It's gone cold, really cold.Copy !req
294. But it's nice cold, it's nice,
no, cold. Don't worry.Copy !req
295. It's a warm cold,
you know what I mean?Copy !req
296. You know, I love you, Alan.
I love you. I do.Copy !req
297. You're not supposed
to drink on them tablets.Copy !req
298. Dusty! Dry! Gobi Desert.
Desert, you see.Copy !req
299. Catch the moon. Catch the moon.
Come on, gonna catch the moon.Copy !req
300. Get the moon, now, bring it down.
No. Can you moon walk?Copy !req
301. Look. You can moon walk
now the moon's down here.Copy !req
302. Here we go. I'm gonna play a song.
I want the title of the song, not the artist.Copy !req
303. OK? Remember that. The title
of the song... not the artist. Here we go.Copy !req
304. - Put it down.
- No. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hang on.Copy !req
305. - Whoa, whoa, hey, hey!
- What are you doing, man?Copy !req
306. Let me get set up here. I want
the name of the song... not the artist.Copy !req
307. Here we go. Try this on for size.Copy !req
308. Whoa, let's play this game
properly or not at all.Copy !req
309. - Hey, hey!
- It's not right!Copy !req
310. Get with the programme, dickhead!Copy !req
311. Gotta win some lager!Copy !req
312. Hey, do teeth itch?
Do teeth itch? Tee...! If you...Copy !req
313. Just give us that.
See, the thing with teeth...Copy !req
314. You go... lemon.
Mm, lemon, good, good for teeth.Copy !req
315. - Come on!
- Come and sit down.Copy !req
316. - Take five minutes...
- They're good. Big girls...Copy !req
317. - Jerry...
- Hey, no, don't sit down.Copy !req
318. I'll not sit down. Catch the moon.Copy !req
319. - Catch the moon, bring it down.
- What's up?Copy !req
320. - I can't see the moon.
- Come on.Copy !req
321. We've got a bloody plane to catch! Go...Copy !req
322. Walking On The Moon.
Ah-ha-ha-ha!Copy !req
323. Sing! ♪ Chitty Bang Bang
Chitty Chitty Bang BangCopy !req
324. Faster! ♪ Chitty Bang Bang,
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang ♪ Louder!Copy !req
325. Faster! Catch me!Copy !req
326. The answer was... the Shroud of Turin.Copy !req
327. - Oh.
- Shit.Copy !req
328. - What did we have?
- Lisa Stansfield.Copy !req
329. Number 26, the answer was...
He died in a plane crash.Copy !req
330. Yes! Get in there!Copy !req
331. Hold it up. I've told you! Hold it up!Copy !req
332. Sit down, you! Give us a drum roll.Copy !req
333. Nnn... Ha-ya!Copy !req
334. Ha-ya!Copy !req
335. In third place, Lord Love Rocket
and his mongy mate, Max!Copy !req
336. Who?Copy !req
337. His mongy mate, Max?Copy !req
338. You mean me?
I'll rip your bastard head off.Copy !req
339. In second place, with 36 points...Copy !req
340. Top Banana!Copy !req
341. - Top Ba... Second?
- Second?Copy !req
342. - What do you mean, second?
- .. fiddle going on here.Copy !req
343. The winners, in first place...Copy !req
344. taking away a year's supply
of Kamikaze lager...Copy !req
345. with 39 points...Copy !req
346. The Gipsy Kings!Copy !req
347. - Who?
- Yes!Copy !req
348. Ray. There must be a mistake
because you didn't call us out.Copy !req
349. Kenny Senior, Spencer
and Young Kenny.Copy !req
350. - That you?
- Yeah.Copy !req
351. - You came twelfth.
- Out of how many?Copy !req
352. Twelve.Copy !req
353. Well, I don't think much of
your Top Banana. What happened?Copy !req
354. Least they beat your lads.
That's all that matters.Copy !req
355. My lads? What do you mean?
I won. I backed the winning team.Copy !req
356. - Them's my boys, over there.
- I thought...Copy !req
357. You see, that's your problem, Denzel.
You think too much.Copy !req
358. You think I'd back that shower
of shit of mine? No way. No way!Copy !req
359. Not a chance. I took out a bit
of insurance. Them's my boys.Copy !req
360. The Gipsy Kings, the winning team.Copy !req
361. Over there, with the gipsy quizmaster.Copy !req
362. You're a snake, Potter.Copy !req
363. They had the answers, didn't they?Copy !req
364. Who knows? Maybe they did,
maybe they didn't. You'll never know.Copy !req
365. You...Copy !req
366. Ho! N... Hello, Brian.Copy !req
367. How did we go on? Did we win?Copy !req
368. Did we win... tonight?
Did we... How did we do?Copy !req
369. Jerry, Jerry, Jerry.Copy !req
370. What you doing?Copy !req
371. - No idea.
- Oh!Copy !req
372. Jerry! Get up, man.Copy !req
373. If that's what your Kamikaze
lager does, you can shove it.Copy !req
374. No, no. That is not Kamikaze lager.Copy !req
375. Kamikaze is no...Copy !req
376. - Sake what?
- Nonalcoholic.Copy !req
377. - It's what?
- Nonalcoholic.Copy !req
378. Cheers, Potter.Copy !req
379. Another winner.Copy !req
380. Next!Copy !req