Penn & Teller: Bull! 3x9

1. Hi, I'm Penn, and this is my partner, Teller.

2. Usually at least a few people are on our side

3. when we try to tell the truth on this show.

4. We get scientists with us when we shoot down creationism,

5. we get atheist with us when we mow down Mother Theresa.

6. We get everybody but chiropractors.

7. When we put holes in chiropractors.

8. But this show, well, we may have a little more trouble finding fans.

9. In this show, we consider the idea of the violent overthrow

10. of the United States government.

11. It's not sexy.

12. It's not even fun. It's just our job.

13. The guys who founded our country gave us the right to have guns.

14. So the time came for the next revolution.

15. We'd be armed and ready.

16. Come on, people supports gun control for their comfort or their peace of mind.

17. They're forgetting that they're killing something there, too.

18. Gun control is bullshit.

19. I find them

20. hard.

21. To have and.

22. They don't.

23. Boo boo boo boo. You.

24. Like.

25. You. You.

26. There's a battle raging in America over the issue of guns.

27. Yes. If we reduce the number of handguns in America, we would have less murders.

28. We have to do more about guns and weapons.

29. For too long, the gun control movement has been made up of only victims.

30. People who hate them want them.

31. God keeping loaded and unlocked guns.

32. Where people kids can get at them is just insane.

33. But people who love guns don't want to give them up.

34. From my cold, dead hands

35. tonight, we've assembled firebrands on both sides.

36. People who are against guns like these two men.

37. One guy who's float in the middle.

38. A couple of folks who love guns.

39. A gunslinger who packs heat in a ditch length.

40. And a guy who owns a gun store.

41. Some of George Washington's men.

42. And the comedian Jackie

43. Mason, who somehow ended up on this show instead of the one on circumcision.

44. What a huge fuck up. Where am I going to go?

45. The great gun

46. debate has been fought very effectively over the past decade, not in Congress,

47. but in the great battlefield of car bumpers.

48. Bumper stickers have been the cutting edge of intelligent debate.

49. squeeze boobs, not triggers.

50. Arms are for hugging.

51. No guns are in this house.

52. I guess it pays to advertise.

53. fear the government that fears your gun.

54. Blaming guns for deaths is like Rosie O'Donnell blaming her fork

55. because she's fat.

56. Ted Kennedy's car has killed more people than my gun.

57. Less handguns, more handjobs should be fewer.

58. Fewer hand. But that's for. That's it in a nutshell, right?

59. Guns are dangerous, but who decides who gets them?

60. In America, there are over 250 million guns.

61. Firearms are involved in over 10,000 murders each year in the United States.

62. Nine American kids die every day as a result of gun fire.

63. Firearms kill three people every hour in this country.

64. A new gun rolls off an American assembly line every ten seconds.

65. When all you do is list those numbers.

66. It's no wonder some people go ballistic.

67. I'd like to get rid of the damn things.

68. That is, get rid of the guns and expand gun control.

69. This is Roger Rosenblatt.

70. He's a writer, former columnist for time magazine,

71. and a passionate advocate for Nationwide Gundam.

72. And that chair is too soft.

73. I don't know what they're around for. Get rid of them.

74. Get an alarm system.

75. Call a cop. For up to Roger Rosenblatt.

76. No one would own handguns except the police.

77. I'm pretty sure Mr.

78. Rosenblatt would have a different point of view

79. if he were black or Hispanic in South Central L.A..

80. It's often been brought up that owning a gun is a civil right.

81. And so the Second Amendment is then cited that one has the right to bear arms,

82. and that's connected with our basic freedoms.

83. I can't imagine anything less true or less provable or more nonsensical.

84. Religion. Oh, sorry.

85. Paul.

86. Do I believe that you, manatee, will be improved?

87. That human nature will be improved by the removal of guns?

88. No, I do not.

89. It'll just make us safer people.

90. He wants to feel safe, and he's happy to give up his right to defend himself.

91. Because self-defense can be dangerous.

92. There's clear evidence that gun in the home is for self-protection.

93. Is a lot more dangerous than thought.

94. And think again.

95. This is Mike beard.

96. He's the president and co-founder of the Coalition to Stop Gun Violence.

97. Man, we hope they didn't pay their graphic designer.

98. This guy thinks the right way to limit accidents is to limit guns.

99. I don't think that there's been a week goes by in the 30 years I've been involved

100. in this issue,

101. that I haven't had to talk to a parent who had a gun for self-defense,

102. kept it loaded, unlocked, and had a child find it and shoot himself.

103. A sibling or a friend?

104. Here's a scary piece of news.

105. According to the New England Journal of Medicine,

106. a gun kept in the House is 43 times more likely to kill a loved one

107. than an intruder.

108. But that doesn't count the intruders they may scare away.

109. I think a gun can be a great equalizer in certain situations.

110. In other situations.

111. I think it can set you back.

112. As you've guessed, this is our floating in the middle guy.

113. His name is Jim Kessler.

114. He's the policy director for Americans for Gun Safety.

115. There are 250 million guns in private hands.

116. It isn't the number of guns that people have.

117. It's who gets them.

118. He's talking about guys like this.

119. A former member of an L.A. gang.

120. I can tell you, I've been on the street walking around with a rifle

121. for five minutes, almost resorted to my friend.

122. And no one will dare call the cops.

123. Because you know what?

124. Because if they take that AK 47, I'll go buy me another one.

125. I'll go buy them two.

126. Sometimes we will get guns, do horrible things.

127. Like the two students in Columbine, the Washington, D.C.

128. sniper, an employee of Xerox, and these bank robbers in North Hollywood.

129. But this isn't new news.

130. People kill each other way before guns and notorious killers like Jesse

131. James and Billy the Kid were already killing in their teens.

132. We will look back on the time when everybody was toting a gun.

133. Everybody could get a gun.

134. No matter.

135. Waiting periods. Not waiting periods.

136. We will look back on this time.

137. The way the 19th century looked back on the 18th century.

138. Mad houses.

139. The smug Roger Rosenblatt, a person with a gun.

140. Looks like this.

141. We'd like to introduce him to a friend of ours.

142. This is Mabel Murray.

143. She's a pretty good shot, and she's not practicing.

144. Mabel's had her first door, where she keeps a 357 under the counter.

145. A strategically placed so that I can grab it if I need it.

146. A pump action shotgun behind the wall.

147. Easy access.

148. One of these behind the phone.

149. My 45.

150. If I need it, it's right there in handy.

151. And this little cap gun in the vault case.

152. Things, I guess. Really get hairy.

153. And I have my nine millimeter carbine. Fuck.

154. So why does Mabel need such a huge arsenal?

155. I mean, I don't want anybody to mug me, and I don't want anyone to try to mug me.

156. But am I afraid to shoot the gun?

157. Absolutely. No. Do I want to shoot the gun?

158. Absolutely no. If I have to.

159. Too bad for you, buddy.

160. Because I lived to tell about it.

161. And dead people don't argue.

162. Mabel understands guns from a practical point of view

163. or historical perspective on guns.

164. Let's ask one of the Founding fathers.

165. Well, I believe Americans need firearms for a variety of reasons.

166. so I would think the first and foremost is for protection of our rights.

167. George Washington commissioned as commander in chief

168. of the United Colonies of America.

169. Yeah, we sprung for a time machine.

170. We were embedded with the colonial army,

171. and our press privileges allowed us to talk to both sides.

172. Right then, Sergeant, we've been ordered to go after

173. this detachment of rebels that have been foraging in this area.

174. Lieutenant Colonel Robert Lovelace of His Majesty's Coldstream Guards.

175. He probably did realize how much British accents have changed over the centuries.

176. The more Stewart

177. among you probably realized, we didn't actually get a time machine.

178. These guys are re-enactors, people who've made understanding history their hobby.

179. The colonists showed up in their Land Rover,

180. and the Redcoats were apparently a bunch of soccer moms.

181. But, boy,

182. these re-enactors have learned a lot about the way guns have affected history.

183. This fall into the fire.

184. Tom, maybe these guys seem nuts to you, but what they're reenacting

185. was a very real, very scary event during a turbulent time in history.

186. The points they are making are very real.

187. The rebels in the Revolutionary War could not have won our freedom without guns.

188. The King

189. and his ministers

190. and his army are here to strip you of your rights.

191. They have repeatedly made efforts to confiscate

192. all powder supplies and firearms.

193. And those that we cannot carry.

194. I want the locks removed,

195. the stocks broken, and the barrels bent around the nearest tree.

196. We are fighting against a usurpation of our liberties.

197. We are fighting against an abridgment of our rights.

198. What do you have to say to yourself, you limey bastard?

199. They're in rebellion.

200. You know, naturally, if we're going to have to suppress

201. criminal activities, I'd much rather the criminal be armed

202. with brickbats rather than with bullets and bayonet.

203. Now he hit the bullet on the primer, didn't he?

204. The second member to a lot of people is more than just guns.

205. It's freedom.

206. Allen Gottlieb is the founder of the Second Amendment Foundation.

207. He loves guns and wears a bow tie.

208. I bet you never thought those two would intersect.

209. If deny a person the means of self-defense,

210. you've also denied them the right of self-defense.

211. And so, to me, it's the ultimate civil right is being able

212. to protect yourself against, you know, other people,

213. or for that matter, your own government if it runs amuck.

214. So what does the Second Amendment actually say?

215. A well-regulated militia being necessary to the security of the Free State,

216. the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.

217. That's it.

218. Not a lot of words. Just very specific ones.

219. It means that the states have the right to have.

220. A well.

221. Regulated militia and a 20 year.

222. Old kid carrying an assault weapon on the streets of downtown

223. America has absolutely nothing to do with a well-regulated militia.

224. Well, no.

225. Read the words

226. a well-regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state.

227. Sure.

228. You need an organized military force to defend your country.

229. But the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.

230. This is the people in contrast with the militia.

231. It doesn't say the right of the militia

232. to keep and bear arms should not be infringed.

233. It says the right of the people.

234. Now, why the word people?

235. Because the people who wrote this had just fought a war

236. for two years against a tyrannical state militia.

237. They knew the time I come when they'd have to do that again.

238. So they made the possession of weapons a right that the militia

239. could never take away.

240. Now, gun control advocates say the phrasing is clumsy, and the comma

241. separating the state from the people is just a pause to get your breath.

242. Strange.

243. They can't seem to point out

244. any other places where those hack framers fucked up the wording.

245. In 38 states, you can now get a permit to carry a concealed weapon.

246. That is, if you pass a background check.

247. I mean, even the NRA now supports.

248. One thing that's really great about concealed

249. carry laws is people who choose not to get a concealed carry permit

250. still benefit from the law, because there's this great deterrent factor.

251. A bad guy, no longer knows who's carrying and who isn't.

252. You do have to meet federal regulations.

253. Federal guidelines. This is Susanna Hoppe.

254. She's a Texas state legislator and enthusiastic gun supporter.

255. And pretty damn hot for a lawmaker.

256. All right. How passionate she about guns.

257. She donated a rifle to a raffle

258. to help raise money for a kid's school to build a new fence.

259. Beats the shit out of the bake sale.

260. Before we pass concealed carry in this state,

261. we heard all of the talk about how there was going to be.

262. It was going to be a shootout at the okay corral.

263. It was going to be Dodge City. It was going to be a bloodbath.

264. The fender benders were going to be turned into shootouts.

265. And it simply hasn't happened.

266. You see, drops in violent crime when more people are allowed

267. to carry concealed handgun. I'm John Lott.

268. I'm a scholar

269. at the American Enterprise Institute and the author of The Bias Against Guns.

270. You can deter criminals with higher rest rates or higher conviction rates.

271. But the fact that it would be victim might be able to defend themselves

272. can also deter criminals from attacking to begin with.

273. Criminals are scared of people with guns.

274. So most people are good.

275. More people with guns means more good people with guns.

276. The balance of power swings to the good side.

277. A 44 slug in the brain stops rape in an instant.

278. And I've got a gun.

279. Often stops it before that. Here.

280. I have a little 32.

281. It's just right here, because you can conceal it the best.

282. Maple gives new meaning to the phrase gun rack.

283. It's a whole new concept to Victoria's Secret.

284. I wonder what it's like to get to second base with her.

285. You might want to make sure she watched you before making your move.

286. When you walk outside of your store at night.

287. It's you and your purse and whoever else is out there.

288. So I kind of wanted the equalizer.

289. I do not think women, any more than men, want to depend

290. on guns for their element of equality.

291. Easy for you to say.

292. You're a man and an exceptionally smug one.

293. So really, you're not the one we should be listening to.

294. You already have power on your side, right?

295. So men are stronger than women.

296. And I am a strong woman. But you know what?

297. I am not stronger than a man.

298. There's no way.

299. Only 3.8% of violent offenders in prison are women.

300. Guns don't kill people.

301. And women don't kill people.

302. It's simple. Men kill people.

303. So our modest proposal is this.

304. Now we're never for

305. government spending money, but just run this as a little thought experiment.

306. What if every woman were issued a gun?

307. Should you keep it hidden or even in a purse, or give it away

308. if she wants to?

309. And the guns should all be pink because it's my idea.

310. And I think pink guns are really sexy.

311. Maybe some tough guys would be too embarrassed to be seen with a pink

312. gun, but mostly they should be pink because it's my idea

313. that supposedly half of the women decided to carry the pinky everywhere they go.

314. So who's going to rob a rape when there's a 50% chance

315. that Janie's got a gun?

316. Every woman gets a gun.

317. Think of how much sexier.

318. I mean, safer country would be.

319. And it would be so much sexier, safer, safer if the women were armed.

320. You know, all the women, ma'am, except, you know, some of the ones that I dated.

321. If you have a gun,

322. you are stronger than a man.

323. Oh, God.

324. Meanwhile, back at Valley Forge, the battle was underway.

325. Remember, we didn't put any words into these guys mouths.

326. I love the smell of gunpowder.

327. In the afternoon.

328. It smells like victory.

329. The horror, the horror.

330. Quickly.

331. But I think that the biggest advantage that we have

332. is that we are fighting for our lives, for our freedoms,

333. for our liberties, for our families and for our country.

334. You know, there is an old saying in Virginia,

335. you see a fox running after a rabbit,

336. and you ask the question, which one will win?

337. And the answer is the rabbit, because the fox is running for his dinner.

338. The rabbit is running for his life.

339. These guys dress up and march around and think about life and death

340. and the cost of freedom.

341. Seems like a very fine hobby.

342. Might not hurt Mr.

343. Smug to walk around those battlefields and do a little thinking.

344. And then it was time for lunch.

345. All free Americans have a right to carry a gun.

346. It is a matter, in many cases, of necessity.

347. Yup. Our founding fathers swore by their guns

348. when they worked.

349. Thomas Jefferson said if we want freedom,

350. there should be an armed rebellion every 20 years.

351. He also wrote, what country can preserve its liberties

352. if their rulers are not warned from time to time that there are people?

353. Preserve the spirit of resistance.

354. Let them take arms.

355. What signifies a few lives lost in a century or two?

356. The Tree of Liberty must be refreshed from time

357. to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.

358. It is its natural maneuver.

359. Well, at least one dead guy would like this show.

360. It's time to take a look at some guns.

361. Up close on the corner of this nondescript Maryland street

362. is the home of, well, it's Baltimore's best gun shop.

363. You busy?

364. I couldn't say that if it weren't true.

365. You can buy, sell or trade in your old Glock.

366. But don't you dare bring a fucking cell phone in here.

367. Those things are lethal.

368. Let's have a look.

369. Man, I am tense.

370. Hold on. Change the damn music.

371. That's better.

372. Now look at all these guns.

373. There must be mass murders and shootings going on all the time here.

374. Now I'm tense again.

375. Can I have some help here, please?

376. Oh, there's the owner, NRA board member, Sandy Abrams.

377. I think of the reason why some people are afraid of guns is because

378. the only exposure they get to a firearm is through television and the movies.

379. And a lot of that is negative.

380. Fear is the politician's dance partner.

381. Enough fear.

382. And he can waltz any legislation through the necessary steps.

383. With no vampire.

384. Politicians play with public hysteria by passing more gun laws

385. like the Brady Bill, which has been largely

386. ineffective in keeping guns out of the hands of criminals.

387. Another feel good law was the creation of gun free zones,

388. which increased the penalties for carrying a gun into those hallowed grounds.

389. Gun free zones.

390. That's one of the most amazing crocks I've ever heard.

391. you know, if you think about where these

392. these awful mass shootings have occurred, you look at Columbine.

393. Well, wait a minute.

394. That couldn't happen.

395. That was a gun free zone.

396. A look at the post offices.

397. Oh, well, wait, that can't happen because that was a gun free zone.

398. Every single one of these mass shootings

399. has occurred in a gun free zone.

400. If guns are the problem, then explain to me

401. why we haven't seen these awful shootings in places

402. where there are thousands of guns

403. in the hands of literally at least hundreds of law abiding citizens,

404. like NRA conventions or the dreaded gun show.

405. Can you even picture a mass murder at a gun show?

406. You couldn't even point a gun before they get you.

407. Another gun control law and another ban.

408. Another bullet ban, another, assault weapons ban will not stop criminals.

409. Criminals do not obey the laws against murder, rape, robbery and arson.

410. Why would they possibly obey laws against firearms?

411. What we need now is a guy who really knows a lot of shit about guns.

412. Maybe a guy who's been shot and stabbed a couple times.

413. My name is John Doe.

414. I'm an OG gang member for life.

415. I've been shot twice, staff twice,

416. and I know a whole lot of shit about guns.

417. It's like we're psychic gang members like myself.

418. Like gun control laws.

419. Because they're a joke.

420. We told them that to protect him, we'd shoot him.

421. I mean, videotape him in silhouette and change his voice and buy his lunch

422. and rub his feet and send flowers to his mom.

423. Gun laws

424. don't affect me, the criminal or the gang member.

425. They restrict the citizen.

426. I can walk into your home.

427. Was watching the show

428. and hurt you with a gun.

429. So how does a guy with a mile long rap sheet get a gun?

430. The same way criminals do a lot of things.

431. They break the law.

432. In fact, there's 20,000 gun laws on the books.

433. And thanks to one of them in Texas, the restricted carrying a concealed weapon.

434. Susanna Huff.

435. Well, let her tell her story.

436. Back in 1991, I was with my parents at a local restaurant,

437. and we had just finished eating when a mad man drove his truck

438. through the window and very methodically began executing people.

439. And he wasn't spraying bullets.

440. He had complete control over the situation.

441. He was simply walking from one person to the next, taking aim, pulling the trigger.

442. My father ran at the man and was very easily taken out.

443. My mother ended up staying with him

444. when the gunmen got back around to her.

445. She was cradling my father and the police were there

446. at that point, and they saw her look up at the gunman

447. and he put his gun to his head and he pulled the trigger.

448. You might think Susanna would be in favor of stricter gun control laws.

449. You'd be wrong.

450. She actually had a gun with her that afternoon.

451. But in the days before, right to carry legislation, the law required

452. that she leave it in her car.

453. I was angry at myself for having made what I realize

454. now was an incredibly stupid decision to obey a bad law

455. and allow my family to get killed.

456. And I was mad at my legislature because I absolutely felt that

457. they had legislated me out of the right to protect myself and my family.

458. Gun control advocates might argue that if Susanna had use of her

459. handgun that day, she might have made a horrible situation even worse.

460. She might have accidentally shot a bystander or been shot herself.

461. But I'll tell you the one thing that nobody can argue with.

462. It sure as heck would have changed the odds.

463. Okay, but what about the claim that keeping a gun around the house

464. or in the car is an invitation for accidental death?

465. The number of accidental deaths for people under the age of 17.

466. It's about 150 a year. Each one is tragic.

467. But you know, when you look at the relative size and scope of the gun

468. problem, gun violence problem in America, it's very, very tiny.

469. Tell the family, whose four year old was killed by a three year old.

470. That this is an overblown statistic.

471. Get rid of the weapon.

472. It wouldn't have happened.

473. Why don't you say cheers should be illegal.

474. You know how many people are killed with a limp?

475. Should be stopped because most killed up people are killed with limps and chairs.

476. The with guns.

477. Finally, it's Jackie Mason, legendary comedian and longtime fixture on Broadway.

478. What? Did I have idiots in this watching this show. They don't.

479. They don't. They know who Jackie Mason is.

480. We have no comment at this time.

481. Jackie. I do have a gun.

482. Just take a minute and think about how fucking crazy this show is.

483. I mean, do you have any idea what the fuck we're thinking?

484. Do you? Don't answer me.

485. It's a rhetorical question.

486. This isn't Dora the Explorer. Oh,

487. you'll have a much safer society if you eliminate chairs,

488. windows, furniture.

489. If you eliminate anything that moves.

490. From now on, you should break the bread

491. with your hands and never use a knife anymore.

492. What is the.

493. Why does it take your shoes away?

494. Why don't you know that you shouldn't be able to drive a car like that?

495. You should certainly bend legs because most people like kick the the did this.

496. If we jumped over 200 bounces not allowed to carry his fist.

497. Because any time you want, he can grab a shot.

498. You and Buster's little.

499. Oldie on our show.

500. Could a Borscht

501. Belt comic be allowed to crystallize the absurdities of gun control?

502. My position is that anybody who's in favor of gun control is a fucking moron.

503. Thank you. Jacki.

504. We are going to keep you on our speed dial.

505. Wouldn't stricter gun laws stop horrible tragedies like Columbine?

506. Columbine would not have been prevented by more gun control.

507. The fact of the matter is, nobody likes to talk about it.

508. All the gun control laws already on the books that these kids broke,

509. and the person who sold them firearms broke.

510. None of them prevented Columbine.

511. You can't stop insane people from doing insane things by passing insane laws.

512. That's insane.

513. A gun doesn't have fingers to pull its own trigger,

514. or a brain to commit murder or commit a crime.

515. So the person who misuses that gun is the person

516. who should be punished for the misuse.

517. And punish them.

518. Don't punish me.

519. Don't punish the gun.

520. and for the break up.

521. The break.

522. For the hell

523. on the.

524. Back of the war, the colonists prevailed.

525. And since we had slept through sixth grade social studies,

526. it was a real nail biter.

527. We tried to take all gone, but now we've got the

528. American independence was secure.

529. Well, gentlemen.

530. As you know, I cannot tell a lie.

531. My feet are cold.

532. I'm thirsty.

533. Let's call it a day. Let's go home.

534. The Founding fathers made the right to bear arms.

535. The Second Amendment for a reason.

536. It's the one that protects all your other freedoms

537. which aren't worth the parchment they're printed on.

538. If you don't have the means to defend them.

539. I cannot see into the future.

540. I do not pretend to understand what the future

541. will hold, and we have great faith in future generations.

542. I personally know that

543. through public discourse, people will make the right decision.

544. Americans tend to do so, and they do so.

545. With the common good in mind.

546. So let's make this clear.

547. We're not saying

548. you'll be safer if you have a gun or that you might not get robbed.

549. We're seeing something much heavier.

550. We're saying we need the government to be afraid of its citizens.

551. We want our rulers to think carefully about what they try to take from us.

552. And we need to remember they can only take from us what we give them.

553. You see, maybe Mr.

554. Smug can call the police against a gang banger.

555. But who does he call against? The police?

556. We are discussing on a public TV show

557. the idea of the violent overthrow of the country.

558. And it's covered under free speech.

559. How cool is that?

560. But we can't trust the government to always be okay with that.

561. We have to trust. Well,

562. the Americans all around us.

563. Have had.

564. To go.

565. Have you heard about the, TV show Desperate Housewives?

566. The. What's.

567. The.