Penn & Teller: Bull! 3x3

1. It's all clear to me now.

2. It is so fucking obvious.

3. You can't believe the government in a jar of conventional wisdom.

4. I mean, how fucking naive are you, We all know the aliens crash in Roswell.

5. The government had to cover that up so there wouldn't be a panic.

6. JFK found out.

7. So alien chief LBJ and the government had to kill him.

8. Years later, I'm looking at a folded dollar bill with a magnifying glass.

9. Princess Diana found out the truth about us never going to the moon.

10. Astronauts? Yeah, right.

11. They were professional mimes hired to fake that moonwalk.

12. Queen Elizabeth had to have Princess Di knocked off.

13. Did you notice her nickname was die?

14. How fucking stupid do they think we are?

15. When the government found out that Penn and Teller knew the truth.

16. They did something worse than bumping us off.

17. They stuck us in this sucky time slot.

18. They covered all their tracks.

19. If it weren't a perfect conspiracy, we'd have some evidence.

20. We're Penn and Teller,

21. and conspiracy theories are bullshit.

22. I find them.

23. Hard. To.

24. Boo boo boo boo boo.

25. You. Work.

26. This bullshit episode is filled with conspiracy theory.

27. Whack jobs who are ludicrous, offensive, and sadly misguided all at once.

28. Dude will be the guy who thinks 911 was a government plot.

29. What a fucking shit bag.

30. And this guy is shittier and crazier.

31. We'll meet this little one who says we never landed on the moon.

32. We'll also be the crazy ass radio DJ.

33. A self-proclaimed expert on the JFK assassination

34. and a couple of drunks in a bar.

35. What more could you ask for?

36. And I'm Clyde Lewis, and this is ground zero.

37. Meet Clyde Lewis.

38. He's a DJ, and yeah, all radio stations do look like shit.

39. Mr. Lewis is hosting a radio show all about conspiracies called Ground Zero.

40. The more you start investigating conspiracy theories,

41. the more you realize that there is a conspiracy.

42. And a conspiracy is is that they are out to kill you.

43. When he's not scaring people through the magic of radio.

44. It was the scaring people of this organ bar.

45. He's the MC of this weekly Gavin conspiracy theorists.

46. Think of it as karaoke night for wack jobs.

47. That's fucking. Amazing.

48. All of the videos we've seen of Osama bin laden

49. has all been blurry or, you know, nebulous at best.

50. Kind of right in there with the videos of Bigfoot.

51. But yeah, exactly.

52. That's what you get with an eight drink minimum.

53. Your brain is being toyed with.

54. You got to hang on to what you know and don't let anybody change it.

55. The most important resource of all

56. is your cognitive liberty.

57. Get the version out there that you have.

58. If it's wrong, then we move on and go to another version.

59. And we tried to deconstruct everything.

60. If you can deconstruct and put it together again, it still flies.

61. Then you have a story.

62. According to a recent poll, 49.3% of the people in New York

63. believe that our leaders knew the 9/11 attacks were planned,

64. and that the intentionally failed to act.

65. And lots of people believe we didn't even land on the moon

66. and that JFK wasn't killed by this guy, but by this guy.

67. Or even this guy.

68. Are 49.3% of us just fucking crazy.

69. People are fundamentally skeptical.

70. People don't trust the explanations they have.

71. My name is Jody Dean, and I'm the chair of the political science department

72. at Hobart and William Smith Colleges.

73. This mistrust of an official explanation motivates them to go looking further,

74. and then they want to keep going and keep going and keep going

75. and find out what they think could be a more convincing explanation.

76. Being skeptical is good, but looking at this

77. and having your first thoughts be this is a hoax staged by the government.

78. All that takes a special kind of asshole.

79. Nobody can convince me that our president did not hire

80. Saudi nationals with Saudi passports to come over to this country

81. and fly airplanes into those buildings, to give him a mandate

82. to go over and invade Iraq as he had planned.

83. Nobody can convince me.

84. Bells should go off in your head when you hear those words.

85. That's his bullshit idea of skepticism.

86. Or we are skeptic demands to be convinced with evidence.

87. We should be skeptical the government, but we should just make shit up.

88. We hate showing this 911 footage.

89. We should never have to see this again.

90. But it's important to nip this bullshit

91. paranoid fantasy before it takes root in the national conscience.

92. And Oliver Stone makes a shitty movie about it.

93. If anybody knows 911 conspiracies are bullshit.

94. It's this guy.

95. He's Dan Dailey, the retired fire chief from the fire station

96. closest to the twin Towers.

97. And he was there on 9/11 and lost 50

98. friends on the towers, collapsed.

99. On September 11th, I was home.

100. It was a it was a beautiful morning.

101. And I received a phone call from a friend of mine

102. who said, go inside and turn on the TV.

103. And I said, why?

104. He said, just turn it on.

105. So I went inside

106. and I turned on the TV, and I saw what millions of Americans saw out.

107. So I immediately went into my car and drove to my firehouse,

108. where I assembled a team of men, and we made our way down to Ground Zero.

109. Everything was covered with a half inch of

110. of this very thick dust, and people were running around covered with blood.

111. And before the dust has settled, the conspiracy theories

112. were already rising from the ashes.

113. I think 911 was not what the government says.

114. The advance actually happened.

115. There were airplane crashes.

116. There were people dead, but it was not, as the government tells us.

117. Eric Schmitt.

118. Software developer and developer of one of the softest piles

119. of steaming bullshit in the history of paranoia.

120. He wrote a book called Painful Questions and Analysis of the September 11th attack.

121. We show you the cover because if you ever see anyone

122. carrying it, push them down a flight of stairs.

123. In a nutshell, what happened on September 11th?

124. It looks like some people within the government fooled a lot of the others.

125. They decided to run a fake terrorist attack.

126. So 9/11 wasn't a real conspiracy.

127. It was a fake conspiracy cooked up by a different real conspiracy.

128. Okay.

129. What's your proof?

130. Why? I don't know, but they apparently,

131. somehow the Arabs

132. were sent to flight schools to pretend that they were flying.

133. Okay.

134. Then they arranged

135. some sort of,

136. possibly remote controlled airplanes

137. to do the actual work of flying into the towers and hitting the Pentagon,

138. creating what seems to be an attack by Arabs. Wow.

139. Did you do that?

140. Hard hitting data research in your ass.

141. I find it absolutely unbelievable that anyone in our government

142. could have such a heinous or evil plot to strike their own people.

143. I'm Jimmy Walter, a patriot fighting the real terrorist behind 911.

144. And then there's this asshole.

145. Man that's way too soft.

146. Let me try that again.

147. And then there's this asshole.

148. All I know is that there are eyewitnesses of the plane hitting in New York

149. and at the Pentagon to say the planes had no windows and were the wrong size,

150. and did not have American Airlines markings on them.

151. Little Jimmy has the money and resources to have

152. purchased a full page ad in the New York Times.

153. What do you want to bet he inherited the money.

154. What's your evidence, Mr. Walter?

155. The evidence we have indicates that the aircraft that took off

156. from Boston were landed secretly at a military base.

157. Remotely piloted vehicles were were calls

158. to take off, and those remotely piloted vehicles

159. struck all three buildings, the two towers and the Pentagon.

160. And do any of the people who say that live anywhere

161. besides little Jimmy Walter World?

162. I firmly believe that many of the alleged

163. passenger on the alleged hijack aircraft are still alive.

164. And quite frankly, I think they were probably all working for the government.

165. Fuck you.

166. We really hope this fuck up runs into a family of someone

167. who's died in these horrible attacks.

168. Most of them might not take kindly to the idea that daddy is faking his death.

169. Until in the

170. Trade towers, they planted explosives on every floor.

171. You actually see these pieces come up and down and up and over.

172. See these pieces?

173. That's coming up and over.

174. That's not a collapse.

175. Those are explosions.

176. Okay.

177. Conspiracy theorists, like all sorts of theorist,

178. take disparate facts and put them together.

179. And what makes a conspiracy theorist a little bit different is they

180. put the facts together in alternative ways that are tinged with a kind of paranoia.

181. Jimmy seemed respectable.

182. Nice suit and all.

183. But then he took us outside to show us his fancy car and jumpsuit

184. and, well, sometimes you should judge a book by its cover.

185. Reporting not for duty, sir,

186. but I.

187. This is Glenn Corbett.

188. He's an assistant fire chief and an assistant professor of fire science.

189. Plus, he's the technical editor of Fire Engineering magazine.

190. He knows what brought down the towers.

191. And it wasn't explosives.

192. There's no evidence there were any type of explosive devices or bombs.

193. What really, really brought the building down was the fire.

194. When you enter 10,000 gallons

195. of jet fuel into an office building

196. and you have steel truss construction like the trade Center's did, they warped

197. and bent, and gradually it was more than the building could sustain.

198. When you look at what the plane brings in, there are a significant amount

199. of combustible materials, plastics, and of course, all the luggage,

200. the seats, all those kind of things.

201. But also what's in the normal office building?

202. Computers, desks, chairs.

203. A lot of those are either wood and a lot of it's actually

204. hydrocarbon based plastics,

205. which have very high rates of heat release, which, you know, in this case,

206. burn for a sustained period of time over a very large area.

207. Everything was vaporized. Everything.

208. And unfortunately, so were 2800 people.

209. And that's something we should never forget.

210. But a conspiracy, nuts.

211. Death and suffering are just heart pounding entertainment.

212. They to tragedy.

213. And so it looks like what hit the Pentagon is some sort of unmanned drone.

214. Building seven was a classic implosion where they only took out

215. the center column. What happened is the Arabs were Pat.

216. Zepa was censored by the white House from warning the people of man.

217. In my first reaction to flight 93.

218. Is that the military, after they saw those towers get hit?

219. We're thinking, wait a minute, that's not part of the plan.

220. What is that plane going to do? Shoot it.

221. I think proffering conspiracy theories like that are an insult to

222. to the people who who lost their lives here.

223. But why do these ideas, ideas with no basis in fact keep popping up?

224. People hate thinking about in a flash of an eye.

225. Terrorist bombers can come in and crash into the World Trade Center.

226. They would rather see that.

227. Oh, yes. There was always a system.

228. There was always

229. some overriding explanation that can let us make sense of the world.

230. Was it 9/11?

231. Enough of a conspiracy to make the theories happy?

232. Religious fanatics directed by God conspired to use planes as suicide bombs.

233. They conspired to demolish an American landmark to kill thousands of people

234. and to crush the economy, liberty and spirit of the greatest nation on earth.

235. So they did it on a low budget with pure cunning and psychotic determination.

236. Don't the conspiracy nuts realize that sometimes something simple

237. and small and crazy and mean can destroy something big and beautiful?

238. Let's

239. go back to that political science bar in Oregon

240. and see which crackpot is at the mic now on the moon.

241. It's that funny, Clyde Lewis.

242. You know, if you take a look at that whole situation

243. with the moon landing and you say to yourself, why have we gone back?

244. The moon landing is another event.

245. The conspiracy nuts have an alternate takeoff.

246. That's one small step for man,

247. for science.

248. Leap for mankind.

249. Some people think,

250. quite erroneously, that the Apollo moon landings were faked.

251. That's Phil Plait.

252. He's a NASA education resource director with a Ph.D.

253. in astronomy, and he can stand still for a long time. See?

254. Okay.

255. He knows why this moonwalk conspiracy continues to fester.

256. Fester is a key word with conspiracies.

257. They sort of lie under the rocks and wait, and they fester and mold.

258. And then, you know, you expose them to light and most of them go away.

259. Unfortunately, with the moon hoax conspiracy theory, it hasn't gone away.

260. To get to the bottom of this faked moon landing stuff,

261. we had to rule Indiana to this beautiful prefab home.

262. It's just around the corner from Moon Road.

263. Here you'll find the premiere of authority on faking the moon landing.

264. He's Rene, and you know, he's got a one word name.

265. And we know about people like that.

266. He also hosted one of the most outrageous websites on the subject.

267. He's even the author of this book, NASA Mooned America.

268. One book

269. finish his book or large hammered photocopied pamphlet

270. absolutely proves that the moon landings were fake, at least in his mind.

271. Walking on the moon is in the same category

272. as the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.

273. There is no possible

274. way, conceivable way that man has ever walked on the moon.

275. Not then, not now, and not tomorrow.

276. Or next year either.

277. You're stapling your book together by hand.

278. No wonder space age technology seems impossible to you.

279. What's Rene's big problem with the moonwalk?

280. There's no air on the moon.

281. How do you make a flag flutter?

282. Sometimes you'd see it on TV and it didn't move.

283. And sometimes the flag would flutter.

284. Every time you see that flag waving, the astronauts holding on to the pole,

285. and they're moving this thing back and forth.

286. That's why the flag is moving.

287. It's just the cloth flapping back and forth because of inertia.

288. I don't think so.

289. Because you stand there and watch it. And it was the.

290. It means somebody opened the door

291. on the sealed off sound studio, and air came rushing through.

292. It's all done in a soundstage.

293. Where else can you do this?

294. God. Jesus fucking Christ, Neil.

295. How many times do we have to try this?

296. One small step for a man, not man, a man.

297. And that's you.

298. Everybody take five. Neil.

299. Practice your fucking life.

300. Oh, yeah.

301. Let's use real pilots.

302. I want to use real pilots.

303. Faking the moon landing is easy.

304. You need dirt, wardrobe, a soundstage.

305. A lot of black paint, some stupid suits.

306. The hard part is shutting people up.

307. It's been 36 years.

308. You think the technicians and prop people, camera people, directors,

309. everyone who works at NASA in the Jet Propulsion Lab in Pasadena

310. and all the nice folks Cape Canaveral in Florida, plus members

311. of the US Congress and the white House all shut up about this amazing.

312. Cover up for. All that time.

313. The government couldn't even fucking cover up a break

314. into a psychiatrist office in a fucking cheesy hotel.

315. Watergate is the answer to all this shit.

316. They couldn't cover that up.

317. They fucking can't do anything.

318. A rene's got photographic.

319. Reign in the universe.

320. One of the things he claims is that there's a rock in one of the pictures.

321. That clearly shows the letter C on it.

322. the C rock.

323. That's a beauty.

324. See, my little C right there?

325. That's a capital C.

326. That's a prop C.

327. That's what you use when you're making sets.

328. What Rene is referring to is that he thinks Hollywood art directors

329. label props with letters to indicate where the props go.

330. You know, this isn't our first gold fucking.

331. We've never seen props labeled with letters.

332. Rudy, here is our art director, Rudy.

333. Ever seen a props label with letters?

334. Fuck no.

335. Well, I guess we're part of the cover up now.

336. Apparently, Rene,

337. who clearly knows more about props than anyone of bullshit, is sure.

338. This rock is a misplaced prop.

339. Somehow this this guy put the seal up.

340. He had a whole bunch of ways he could have put that rocket.

341. He put it with the C up because that is a definite capital C,

342. so the prop man blew it.

343. This is not the moon.

344. This is a set period.

345. That Rene sure has a keen eye for mistakes.

346. Don't forget to sweep the chiming.

347. All of this space talk can make a man parched.

348. Yeah. Water, Andy. Oh, it's break time.

349. Bring me the bottle of water and get a drink.

350. Give me.

351. Shit.

352. He keeps his water in a vodka bottle

353. and labels it with a capital V.

354. But let's get back to that supposed prop rock.

355. This is just a hair that got caught in the negative

356. when they were making prints of this picture in the original negative.

357. You can see that that rock is not labeled.

358. See, the hair wasn't in there.

359. So this is just a ridiculous claim.

360. And here's another one.

361. They never once took a picture of the stars.

362. Up to this day, they never even mention the stars.

363. Now, the astronauts did not go to the moon to take pictures of the sky.

364. They went to the moon to take pictures of the moon.

365. Right? And it's lit up by the sun.

366. The sun is up.

367. And so they took pictures with film set for daylight.

368. Surroundings.

369. The landscape was exposed correctly, but the sky turns out black.

370. And here's another one.

371. The last lunar mission was, like 13 days or something.

372. And there's no bathrooms in these things.

373. What are they wearing? Diapers for 13 days.

374. Well, actually, they went into this humongous condom.

375. And for poopy, they use this adhesive as gasket.

376. But we're not supposed to talk about that.

377. NASA says it's not very heroic.

378. Although anyone who can shit into that thing on 24,000 miles an hour.

379. It's a hero to me. So is this the moon?

380. Sure it is.

381. You know, Renee and these other guys, they've never lifted a finger

382. to do any real research.

383. They make these claims, they beat their chests.

384. And they're wrong. They're wrong.

385. Shit.

386. Renee says the biggest tip off of the whole mission was a con job.

387. Was when the astronauts got back home.

388. How would they act after lying the entire world about walking on the moon?

389. They have a picture where President Nixon is interviewing them

390. on the aircraft carrier one, and then the so-called isolation chamber.

391. This is their president.

392. And they're like, what have we done?

393. That's our commander in chief.

394. You're not like, like kids hanging their head in shame.

395. Or maybe they're a little tired and grumpy from flying

396. 500,000 miles in eight days in a tin can and shitting in a bag.

397. Maybe they're not up to listening to speeches from that fucking Nixon.

398. Here's how they look from the Nixon speech was over.

399. When you see something

400. amazing, you expect the explanation to be equally amazing.

401. We were shooting some stupid TV show in India.

402. We saw a street performer do something like this.

403. Our Canadian film crew figured the magician might be doing it

404. by meditation.

405. They didn't consider shoes on sticks, but in the real world,

406. shoes on sticks or something equally mundane is often

407. the answer.

408. The Assassination of John F Kennedy still captures

409. the American imagination 40 years later, and this is where it all took place.

410. Dealey Plaza in Dallas.

411. It's where we met up with this guy.

412. President Kennedy was killed in a military style ambush

413. authorized by people in very high positions.

414. He's author, teacher, conspiracy expert Jim Marrs.

415. He's written many books.

416. Okay.

417. Some of them are about psychic warfare and aliens.

418. But he also wrote crossfire The Plot that killed Kennedy,

419. which he claims blows the lid off the lone gunman theory.

420. He says a lot of people agree with him.

421. The polls show that, about 85% of those responding,

422. believe that there was something else going on other than just

423. the coincidental meeting of a lone nut and the president.

424. If the conspiracy

425. is so big and evil, why hasn't it killed Jim?

426. And how did crazy All in Stone's movie come out?

427. The conspiracy can kill the president,

428. but can't stop a shitty movie maker and nuts like this.

429. But I'm convinced that JFK was assassinated by our government

430. and that every time a new president has been elected since,

431. they take them into a quiet little room.

432. And the 12 corporate fucks that really run this country,

433. you know, sitting there in the smoky and the screen comes down

434. and you get to see a shot of the Kennedy assassination

435. from the angle of the grassy knoll.

436. The screen rolls back up and the corporate heads

437. look at the new president and say, do you have any questions?

438. To which he responds, what's my agenda?

439. We've got an agenda for you.

440. It's three words, actually, two words and a hyphen.

441. Nonalcoholic beer.

442. You have to say otherwise.

443. When you stop to think about it, with all the people that the conspiracy

444. theorists think were involved, all the groups.

445. Not one word has surfaced in over 40 years.

446. This is Vincent Bullock as the Los Angeles D.A..

447. He prosecuted nut bar slash aspiring beach boy Charlie Manson.

448. Now he's working on a book debunking JFK conspiracies.

449. Instinctively, people find it intellectually incongruous

450. that this could all happen because of some lone nut.

451. Do you think that just one day, Lee Harvey Oswald woke up and he said, I'm

452. just going to go shoot the president today?

453. Yes, but that's not a very sexy answer.

454. They feel that a great plop has to be responsible for bringing down a great man.

455. I positively know nothing about this situation here.

456. I would like to have a legal representation.

457. Meet Tom boat.

458. He's curator of the Dallas Conspiracy Museum.

459. It's like the magic bullet Kingdom.

460. For conspiracy buffs, people who love people who wanted to blow

461. Kenny's head off.

462. Tom sums up the official account.

463. The Warren Commission said.

464. Oswald fired three shots.

465. Use a man like a kraken, a.

466. Rifle from this window on the sixth floor of the Texas Book Depository.

467. The first shot hit the curb.

468. At. The second shot went through Kennedy.

469. His back came out his neck.

470. And then continued into the body of Texas

471. Governor John Connally, seated in front of Kennedy.

472. At the third shot came from the same window

473. and hit Kennedy in the back of the head.

474. It's that second bullet that's caused so much controversy.

475. Conspiracy theorists say that a single bullet couldn't have caused

476. so many injuries to President Kennedy and Governor Connally.

477. That skepticism has led to calling that single bullet theory

478. the magic bullet theory.

479. Which

480. says that a bullet coming from 60ft in the air

481. at a steep downward trajectory strikes a man below the shoulder

482. blades, somehow begins to course upwards and exits out his throat,

483. which would then be, of course, an upward trajectory.

484. Somehow, twist in mid-air, comes back down and strikes

485. the man in front of him, shattering his fifth rib.

486. Exiting out, his right chest

487. ends up over in his left thigh.

488. It's a fairy tale.

489. But Bugliosi knows the real reason the magic bullet isn't magic,

490. and it all has to do with the seating arrangement in JFK's limo.

491. A place I'm talking about the conspiracy theories they place Connally

492. in the presidential limousine, seated directly in front of Kennedy.

493. The only problem is that Connally was not seated directly in front of Kennedy.

494. He was seated at the Kennedy's left front.

495. So the so-called magical path the second bullet took was, in fact, much straighter.

496. The conspiracy theorists want to admit

497. the conspiracy nuts also say it was impossible

498. for Oswald to fire the three shots in the 5.6 seconds.

499. They calculate the shots were fired in.

500. He couldn't shoot three shots in 5.6 seconds and do it accurately.

501. And then there's the way Kennedy's head jerks when he's hit by the fatal shot.

502. They say that the president goes forward when in reality, he falls backward

503. when the whole thing takes place.

504. Which the conspiracy theorist means.

505. There must have been a second gunman in front of the president's car,

506. behind the fence on the grassy knoll.

507. This is a man.

508. Liquor, cocaine, a rifle, the exact make and model as the one.

509. Lee Harvey Oswald used it's bolt action and needs to be cocked between every shot.

510. Now, Vincent Bugliosi and other rational folks say

511. that the gunman actually had as much as eight seconds.

512. But for this test, we'll let the nuts have the 5.6 seconds they claim.

513. So can three shots be fired in 5.6 seconds?

514. Tell the timing.

515. Fire!

516. Aim! Fire!

517. Aim! Fire! What are we at?

518. 3.45 seconds.

519. That was easy. And I had no marine training.

520. Next up, put some real live bullets into this rifle and show you how Kennedy's

521. head, through basic principles of physics, would have jerked toward the shot

522. rather than forward.

523. To simulate ahead, teller has wrapped a honeydew melon

524. with one inch wide fiberglass tape. Why?

525. How many do we're showing off?

526. It's what Oswald had for breakfast on November 22nd, 1963.

527. Why? One inch fiberglass tape?

528. Again, we're showing off.

529. It's the same kind of tape that Nobel Prize winning physicist

530. and personal buddy of JFK, Doctor Luis Alvarez, used when he first presented this

531. appallingly appropriate demo at the Lawrence Berkeley Laboratories.

532. A pillbox hat on the second melon was our idea.

533. The one inch wide tape is the skull for our melon.

534. Doctor Louie explained that a bullet penetrating a skull doesn't

535. transfer much of its energy to the head.

536. Its tiny hole slides right in the brain, doesn't present much resistance,

537. and when the bullet pops out, the other side pulls a lot of brain.

538. Or in this case, melon goo with the bullet and goo make a little jet blast

539. that pushes the melon head in the opposite direction.

540. Watch.

541. This second gunman make an ass.

542. This is the most intensive

543. investigation of any crime in world history.

544. But no one has come up with any hard, substantive,

545. credible evidence that there was a conspiracy.

546. That pipeline just people want.

547. Meaning.

548. People want an explanation for their lives.

549. And a conspiracy theory provides.

550. That everything that's in here, they can't get to yet.

551. And don't let them get it at all.

552. It's important.

553. And that's why we're here at Ground Zero Lounge.

554. Good night, everybody, and thank you.

555. Well, we don't know how much clamoring there is to get into your sorry

556. head, Clyde, but this is our show, and you don't get the last word.

557. On behalf of my fellow firefighters and rescue workers at Ground Zero.

558. I want to thank all the American people that came and give us a hand.

559. And I just wanted to say thank you.

560. We will never forget your kindness.