Penn & Teller: Bull! 3x1

1. I'm Penn, and this is my partner, Teller.

2. Last season

3. we got a couple of Emmy nominations, and with that comes a bit more freedom.

4. So when teller wanted to do a bullshit of union philosophy, he.

5. I was right there.

6. We were going to beat Carl Jung like a pinata on Cinco de Mayo.

7. And then damn Showtime

8. said, whoa, we want something a bit more television friendly.

9. They also wanted us to stop being such dicks.

10. That got us thinking.

11. Television friendly means dick jokes.

12. So let's talk about dick and the trauma that overwhelms

13. what should be those first few joyous dick moments.

14. We're going to check out the bullshit of circumcision.

15. Now, I wanted to do an ass

16. load of dick jokes, but teller wanted to take the high road.

17. We compromised.

18. We'll be tasteful work for truth and justice and do an ass

19. load of dick jokes.

20. We're going to separate the meat from the shaft because circumcision is bullshit.

21. I. Can

22. get. And.

23. I. Do.

24. the heartwarming cool of a newborn baby.

25. Actually, that crying is the result of the most common surgery

26. performed in America.

27. Sadly, this is even more common than the tit job.

28. Circumcision.

29. It happens to over 60% of newborn male babies in the U.S.

30. 1 million times a year.

31. 3000 times a day, once every 26 seconds.

32. A newborn baby boy has the tip of his penis cut off.

33. No wonder that little bastard so bad.

34. Truth is,

35. most people don't even know what a circumcision is.

36. Seriously. Just listen.

37. I don't really know that much about circumcision.

38. To tell you the truth. I'm so unprepared.

39. I usually study kind of like skinning a potato.

40. Right foot slice being,

41. since random people on the street didn't know dick about dick.

42. We turn to the father of foreskin, a pediatrician who's cut more wieners

43. than Oscar Meyer.

44. Well, a

45. circumcision, as is removal of the foreskin.

46. Doctor Ed Gershon, pediatrician.

47. Oh, it's tough

48. not to make fun of that bow tie, but, hey, we are here to make dick jokes.

49. In the United States, almost all boys are circumcised.

50. And there are generally done in the newborn period

51. by either a pediatrician, an obstetrician, or a family practitioner.

52. Like this one.

53. The foreskin is a, area of skin

54. that is on the tip of the penis.

55. I'm doctor Elizabeth Lister.

56. I'm an obstetrician and gynecologist.

57. The foreskin in an adult male, is similar to the appendix.

58. And you remove it using a number of procedures there.

59. There are some clamps that help you to do it.

60. Here's the clamp they use in the circumcision.

61. Looks kind of sort of like a stapler.

62. Kind of. Sort of.

63. And here's another and another and some other really scary shit.

64. But a doctor would never hurt a child.

65. I mean, you know, unless the little bastard kid is pants

66. on. Even though the

67. infant feels this pain, the infant recovers very quickly.

68. Oh, that's a relief.

69. Seemed like that little baby was crying his ass off.

70. Like somebody just cut off the head of his cock.

71. When I do, circumcision to the babies usually tolerate it extremely well.

72. Why don't you show us how you do it? Okay.

73. This is the tray that I use.

74. These are the soft foam rubber straps, and I secure the baby's legs

75. so that he doesn't move or twist while I'm doing the procedure.

76. And what about the arms?

77. I don't need to secure the arms.

78. Because babies can't punch.

79. I mean, if he could, she's got the reach on him and a knife.

80. Where is Amnesty International?

81. Oh, I guess it's not a human rights violation because the straps are soft.

82. This is the gum co clamp.

83. This is the part that we call the bell.

84. And the

85. foreskin gets pulled up around the bell.

86. And the cut is performed against the bell.

87. So with this clamp

88. used correctly, there's zero chance of hurting the baby's penis.

89. Now, when she says hurt, she's not referring to the pain

90. of having a chunk of your dick lopped off.

91. She means the decorative result will be pleasing.

92. So pleasing, in fact, that the penis who's married to Doctor

93. Lister has been altered to match her fashion sense.

94. Russell Lister was circumcised seven years ago.

95. The reason

96. I was circumcised is because I converted my religion.

97. I converted to Judaism.

98. No, doctor Lister didn't cut off her husband's foreskin,

99. just his balls.

100. Meet Misty and Dylan.

101. They're a couple from Toluca Lake, California.

102. He's a cool hairdresser.

103. She's a hot property manager.

104. I can see that.

105. They're visiting her gynecologist because she's due in six weeks.

106. Hence the sappy music.

107. Oh my gosh.

108. This is their unborn son, Ethan.

109. Wow. This is Ethan's penis.

110. And Ethan's penis is presenting his parents with a problem.

111. Circumcision. We disagree on that.

112. Misty wants to circumcise her son.

113. Dylan does not.

114. You know, I just want to.

115. Make the best decision for him.

116. You know, I just.

117. Want one.

118. And we're doing the best we can.

119. I just want him to be happy.

120. And I don't want him to hurt.

121. You know?

122. It sucks that we gotta lay all this over his penis.

123. All right.

124. Why is there so much drama about the whole cookies thing?

125. I had a girl and just had to worry about. Yeah.

126. Then you have to worry about every other penis.

127. It's tough.

128. We don't disagree on anything. Hardly.

129. And it's tough for something to be this big

130. and so to disagree on it.

131. So what do you think.

132. I don't know.

133. I don't know.

134. So Dylan's on the fence.

135. Okay, doc, convince us.

136. Why should baby Ethan be circumcised?

137. There are significant medical advantages to newborn circumcision.

138. The most important is prevention of severe urinary tract infections.

139. Fuck. I have a urinary tract, and I use it.

140. Hey, doc.

141. What else?

142. The foreskin is delicate,

143. and during intercourse, it's liable to get little terrors.

144. Because of that, the doctor says uncircumcised guys are more likely

145. to get sexually transmitted diseases, which is bad.

146. Very bad.

147. Uncircumcised guys are 2 to 7 times more likely to get Aids,

148. which is worse than very bad and even worse than worse.

149. Uncircumcised guys are 35 times more likely

150. to be accused of being French.

151. Of course, all of these are prevented by wearing a condom, except the, you know,

152. the French thing.

153. Well, the origin of circumcision is straight from the Bible, where God

154. tells Abraham, you have to keep my covenant.

155. You were being chosen to father a new nation,

156. and the symbol of the covenant is going to be the circumcision.

157. This is Rabbi Shmuley talk, and I'm so glad he's not wearing a bow tie.

158. He's a circumcision advocate, the author of the book Kosher Sex.

159. And for a Rabbi, he's got a surprising number of old Dirty Bastard CDs.

160. And as a reward for his devotion.

161. God says I will now connect myself in your very flesh.

162. And I did was he would become a godly man by doing it.

163. So cut off your dick and be God's friend.

164. I hate to see how the Almighty treats his enemies.

165. All right. They, they burn in hell forever.

166. But on the plus side, Doctor Sean says cut dicks are cool with the ladies.

167. About 90% of them preferred to circumcise penis.

168. I wonder how big his personal chick sample is.

169. Edgar claims the circumcised penis smells better and looks better.

170. But shouldn't we be asking someone who really knows dicks?

171. I mean, isn't there like a Catholic priest around?

172. Well, maybe we were

173. wrong about the whole circumcision thing.

174. I mean, we've been wrong on bullshit before, right?

175. I can't think of a time, but we must have been.

176. I mean, humble is TV friendly.

177. Oh, don't look at me like that, man.

178. Jesus.

179. Oh, what the hell?

180. Let's keep looking.

181. In my opinion, it's.

182. Oh, God. It's the most brutal.

183. It's the most brutal thing I've ever seen in my life.

184. This is Linda Otis.

185. She's an anti circumcision advocate in San Francisco.

186. And it still upsets me to this day that that happened to my baby

187. and that I didn't know have the education to protect him.

188. Can you imagine what it would be like to have needle stuck into your penis?

189. Not fun.

190. Can she imagine what it would be like to have needles stuck into her penis?

191. Can she imagine having a penis?

192. Can she imagine having my penis?

193. How come she never calls it done?

194. It's a crime. It's a it's a sex crime.

195. Hi, I'm Marilyn Milos.

196. I'm the director of the National Organization

197. of Circumcision information resource Centers.

198. No circ.

199. Why are we still allowing this?

200. traumatic. Painful. Unnecessary.

201. Brutal surgery to be done to our baby boys.

202. Studies have shown that these.

203. That the baby's nervous system is hyper developed.

204. They feel pain even more than adults do.

205. My name is Mark Reece.

206. I'm a retired physician.

207. I live in San Francisco,

208. and I am the vice president of doctors opposing Circumcision.

209. Don't.

210. I mean, their blood pressure goes sky high.

211. They're they're they're enzymes.

212. They're, steroid levels in the body go way up.

213. So it is an extraordinarily painful procedure, even when anesthetic is used.

214. I mean, just go watch one.

215. That's all you have to do.

216. Good idea.

217. Here's a baby about to be circumcised.

218. See the clamp on his penis?

219. Cool little baby.

220. It's not the most brutal thing in the world.

221. he's about to fall asleep.

222. When they're falling asleep.

223. What they're really doing is going into a state of neurogenic shock.

224. Fuck.

225. Imagine for a second that we live in a world where

226. circumcision isn't the norm.

227. What happens to people that do that to a baby?

228. How long do they spend in prison for just downloading pictures of that operation?

229. How different is circumcision from female genital mutilation?

230. You know where where tribes

231. chop off the clitoris and snip the labia of young girls is there?

232. Welcome to womanhood.

233. The U.N.

234. and Amnesty International are fighting.

235. That is a fucking human rights violation.

236. And in Africa, in the Middle East.

237. And why has circumcision become so prevalent in the United States?

238. It all started in the mid 1800s.

239. The idea being that

240. if we got rid of the foreskin because it is such a sensitive part of the

241. the male penis, then perhaps little boys won't touch themselves down there.

242. This is a vom cave Fulbright.

243. Not our mistake.

244. This is a Vaughn Fulbright.

245. Thing, but this is one huge dildo.

246. She's a sexologist and owner of sexuality.

247. source.com.

248. And a lot of fun parties.

249. It was seen as if you masturbated.

250. And that took away from your love for God.

251. And for Christ.

252. It sure worked for me. But what is she saying?

253. What sort of nut would come out against sexual pleasure?

254. There were a couple of, major players

255. with the anti masturbation movement, one of them being Mr.

256. Kellogg, as in Kellogg's Corn Flakes that was originally marketed

257. as something that was going to help,

258. discourage young people from masturbating, as well as a mr.

259. Graham from Graham crackers.

260. And you

261. thought you should eat graham crackers in bed because of the crumbs.

262. God's admonition wasn't enough for masturbating.

263. Hayden Graham and his crunchy and milk pal Kellogg.

264. And the scary thing is, they want

265. we're all cutting off our baby's dick.

266. Because Tony, the Tigers dad, said we should get.

267. And here's something else shocking.

268. The vast majority of the world knows there's no reason to circumcise.

269. Not one national

270. or international medical association in the world recommend circumcision.

271. Someone should tell the doctors.

272. But even Dylan understands why Misty wants it for their son.

273. It's more of an esthetic thing in America.

274. We're in a society where we're not happy with the way we the way we're made.

275. You know, we cut the foreskin off.

276. We get boob jobs and facelifts and Botox and liposuction

277. and all that kind of thing.

278. Yeah, but adults make the decision to do all those things to themselves.

279. Babies don't get to choose.

280. Here's what the American Academy of Pediatrics actually has to say.

281. The benefits are not sufficient to recommend

282. that all infant boys be circumcised, adding

283. it's the most brutal thing I've ever seen in my life.

284. Okay, they didn't say that last part, but remember Linda?

285. She did.

286. It's the most brutal thing I've ever seen in my life.

287. Linda in Maryland are part of a growing movement in San Francisco

288. of activists, activists who want to keep men's foreskin intact.

289. Once you have seen an intact child,

290. from then on, every circumcised child looks wrong.

291. I'm really angry at doctors

292. who love to play with baby boys penises and cut them off.

293. Hi, I'm Wayne Griffiths.

294. I'm the co-founder and executive director of the National Organization

295. of Restoring Men.

296. Oh, I get it, Norm.

297. I'm getting better at this.

298. Guess what?

299. By the end of this program, one of these three will drop their pants

300. and show us to be restored for skin on their penis.

301. And have good lungs.

302. The anti circumcision movement also has a kindly old advocate.

303. No bow tie.

304. But he is the father of Heidi Fleiss.

305. Really?

306. Paul Fleiss is a Los Angeles pediatrician with 35 years experience,

307. and the author of the book,

308. What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Circumcision.

309. Oh, splices.

310. They love to talk dirty. Listen.

311. The male is supposed to have loose skin

312. that slides back and forth over the shaft of the penis.

313. Back and forth over the shaft of the penis.

314. Now you're speaking our language.

315. where was I? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

316. There's three more purposes for the foreskin.

317. It keeps the glans of the penis

318. as a internal organ.

319. And it protects the baby against, soiling with feces and urine.

320. as an infant.

321. And it protects the urinary tract, which is meant to be sterile.

322. And yet, the

323. demon barber of Cock Street remains unconvinced.

324. To him, an intact foreskin is nothing but a sweater on a dog.

325. He's even written poetry about it.

326. It's a great work of art.

327. Like a statue of Venus.

328. If you're wearing a hat on the head of your penis.

329. We have our own world famous poet, Ron Jeremy.

330. doc Stone thinks he's a great doc.

331. As he taught us. He works around the clock.

332. He preaches it's hip and takes only a snip as he lops off

333. the end of your cock.

334. But enough of the poetry slams.

335. What about Doctor

336. Sean's claim that uncircumcised boys have more urinary tract infections?

337. They do not have more, urinary tract infections.

338. Even if they did, they're easily treated.

339. Sure. Antibiotics. But what about Aids?

340. The fact is that uncircumcised males are more liable to get

341. HIV infection.

342. Doctor Sean, again, is absolutely wrong.

343. There's no evidence that they that, foreskin

344. attracts HIV.

345. You're both wrong or you're both right.

346. There have been studies that say circumcision shows a protective effect

347. against HIV infection.

348. And yet there have also been studies to prove conclusively the exact opposite.

349. Recommending routine circumcision to prevent HIV is scientifically unfounded.

350. So what should we do?

351. People have to practice, safe sex.

352. Let's check in on our young couple, Misty and Dylan,

353. and find out if there any closer to making a decision

354. to come up and curl around.

355. It's just a one time instance in school where

356. I mentioned that I was uncircumcised.

357. you know, some guys in gym class

358. and they all, like, took a step back and freaked out, like, ooh, oh, gross.

359. Oh. That's disgusting.

360. So forever after that, I felt really embarrassed.

361. so, you know, I just, I disguised it.

362. If I was ever going to be with a girl,

363. I'd make sure my foreskin was pulled back so they couldn't tell.

364. but my thing is,

365. I've spent all this time, all your life pulling your foreskin back.

366. Exactly.

367. Like you're not circumcised.

368. So why would you not circumcise your son?

369. I want to, you know, hopefully instill that kind of value in him, of

370. of not being a follower, but just staying true to himself

371. and embracing who he is and what he is.

372. Which brings

373. us back to Judaism and the rabbi with the rap CDs with uncut.

374. Jimmy.

375. You can't be a Jew right. In the turn, God almighty.

376. I mean, no, you are not Jewish because you have or don't have a foreskin.

377. Remember, the circumcision does not in any way affect someone's Jewishness.

378. But in those.

379. Jews are a wacky bunch, aren't they?

380. Now, before we reveal which of these three is going to show you the restored penis,

381. there's one more circumcision argument left to spank.

382. Just toss another dick joke on to the ass load.

383. Earlier, Doctor Lister said the foreskin is useless or, in her words.

384. Similar to the appendix.

385. The foreskin is there for a reason.

386. There are 10 to 20,000

387. nerve endings compacted in the foreskin.

388. These are the nerve endings that let

389. a man know where he is in relationship to the ejaculatory trigger.

390. When you're removing the trigger of the ejaculatory reflex,

391. it stands to reason that your sexual enjoyment is going to go down.

392. I mean, I mourned, literally mourned for my foreskin.

393. And while others saw you was just a dead

394. piece of vestigial flesh to me, you were at the top of the class.

395. You put the dick. And relative to.

396. Yeah, literally my eight year, my ass.

397. But but, you know, metaphorically and maybe literally.

398. Losing some sexual pleasure is a major pain in the ass.

399. Our foreskin funeral got us thinking.

400. What the hell happened to the 1 million foreskins cut off every year?

401. To find out, we conducted a 60 minute style, thorough investigation.

402. Meaning we spent five minutes on it.

403. We called a few hospitals we found on the Yellow Pages.

404. I was wondering what hospitals do with foreskin after babies are circumcised.

405. Throw them away.

406. Throw away all or usually is tucked away in medical waste.

407. So there you have it.

408. They throw it away. But then we call this guy.

409. Five minutes was exactly the right amount of research.

410. Damn. We're good.

411. Some of some of the tissue gets thrown out.

412. A lot of it.

413. Without the permission of the parents, without,

414. obviously the permission of the baby gets used for other purposes.

415. This is Stephen Sabater.

416. He's the executive director of attorneys for the Rights of the child.

417. So after Rock, he's a Harvard Law grad.

418. He's really pissed off.

419. Why? Well, it isn't just because his acronym sucks.

420. There's a multimillion dollar industry that's based on the use of foreskins,

421. to use them for research, to make insulin, to make products,

422. for treating people who are burn victims and to make cosmetics.

423. Diabetics and burn victims great.

424. But we're using Dick's skin for cosmetics.

425. That is so fucking sexy.

426. It's weird, but.

427. But it's.

428. But it is sexy. But it's weird.

429. But it's sexy. But weird, but okay.

430. I rub my dick on your face and all the wrinkles disappear.

431. I like that.

432. According to Super Bowl two, though,

433. the biotech industry doesn't need infant foreskin.

434. Everything they do with the human foreskins, they can do using other products.

435. So they're just doing it for kicks.

436. And that's exactly what we heard from the American Association of Tissue Banks.

437. They told us there are no shortages of skin to treat trauma cases, adding,

438. we peel it off. Dead people.

439. Sorry, dead people, but thanks.

440. Okay, though that would be made up.

441. So why the fuck are doctors and hospitals still encouraging circumcisions?

442. Well, the foreskin is cut off once every 26 seconds.

443. An average cost of $40.

444. Circumcision is a $400 million a year industry.

445. Any time you're going to pay a hospital, you're going to pay a physician

446. some money for a certain procedure to be done.

447. It makes it more likely that it's going to happen.

448. Damn them Harvard cocks. They're smart.

449. Back in San Francisco, Marilyn has some other startling news about foreskin.

450. When? When the male penetrates a woman.

451. Hey, foreskin rolls back.

452. So actually, even

453. exposing this little ridge band and all those nerve endings, we'll.

454. Take it from here.

455. A rolled back foreskin is like, I know, a condom.

456. Ribbed for her pleasure.

457. Why are they ripped?

458. To stimulate the foreskin, which gets cut off.

459. Meanwhile, our friend

460. Misty is worrying about her son Ethan fitting in.

461. I don't ever want him to feel embarrassed.

462. I don't ever want him to feel like she's different.

463. I don't want him to ever feel as though he's less than.

464. It's no wonder she feels this way.

465. Listen to how women talk.

466. I've never really seen uncircumcised,

467. and I don't know if I want to.

468. I'm uncomfortable.

469. I don't have this nice foreskin.

470. I don't understand how women can turn

471. their noses up at the way the human penis was meant to be.

472. You have males losing half the surface tissue of their penis,

473. and people don't seem to understand what's being lost.

474. Doctor Fleiss knows what's being lost.

475. You're making your penis smaller

476. by, having a circumcision.

477. Ouch.

478. So sex is worse and your dick is smaller.

479. I am really, really angry that part of my penis is missing.

480. Hell, yes. This is William Stoll.

481. A few years ago, he actually sued the doctor who circumcised him.

482. And what a bunch of money.

483. Pretty good, And he's got some great news for everyone who's been circumcised.

484. You can actually non surgically restore your foreskin.

485. Remember who you're talking to.

486. It better not involve magnets or sway.

487. If it works off of a very simple principle of dermatology,

488. where if you apply gentle, constant tension to an area of skin

489. for a long enough period of time, it promotes the growth of new skin cells.

490. It's not stretching.

491. It's, We call it tugging.

492. I've done some tugging on my cock, and so is Wayne.

493. You can do it manually if you want, by pulling your shaft skin forward

494. and holding it for 10 or 15 minutes a couple of times a day.

495. Or you use weights or elastics.

496. We can talk about it till we're blue blowing the balls,

497. but nothing is going to explain it better than seeing it.

498. So if you were betting on which of the three was going to show you their penis.

499. It's Marilyn. I'm kidding.

500. For the next 60s, I'm going to remain silent.

501. Tighty whities.

502. Now, this is TV friendly. There I am.

503. There it is. That's a restored

504. penis.

505. If you look.

506. For that,

507. right back here is where the scar is.

508. It was dark brown when I started.

509. Now that it's an internal organ again.

510. Why? It's,

511. Epidermis.

512. You just lay this on top of the gland.

513. Put it in.

514. Pushed all the way and.

515. Know.

516. And put tape on.

517. It's a bit too much, but it works.

518. And so that's what I wore.

519. It's not painful, I assure you.

520. It's just fine.

521. And it looks horrible. No. Just sexy.

522. Hell, hang one on each ball and you get one of these great Newtonian

523. motion toys.

524. Then there's

525. the penis uncircumcised device. Yup.

526. Pod has something to do with suspenders.

527. Cool.

528. That's why Larry King's been wearing those for 20 years.

529. His foreskin must be the size of a sleeping bag.

530. Wolf Blitzer, camp's in it. Nothing.

531. Nothing. Newscaster.

532. Wolf Blitzer that's just Larry's pet name for his cock.

533. You know what?

534. It's kind of sad that a man has to go to this length to feel good about himself.

535. And yet, today, with his foreskin restored, a foreskin.

536. William won't show us something about integrity.

537. Taste pussy.

538. At least he's a little less angry.

539. Why? Sex is better.

540. Just ask Mrs. Foreskin restoration.

541. A circumcised penis is like having sex with a broomstick

542. compared to a well oiled piston.

543. Now that his the head of his penis is more sensitive.

544. He doesn't have to.

545. You know, thrust is hard.

546. But you can still thrust hard if you both like it that way.

547. But you don't have to because of one word, one

548. funny word, one very funny word.

549. Smegma.

550. The word

551. smegma is kind of a dirty word, you know, it's its normal,

552. collection of sweat, body secretions.

553. Desk animated cells, urine

554. that's collected behind the foreskin.

555. And if you don't like that kind of collection hanging off your dinner,

556. there's not the kind of lubrication you want.

557. You just wash it off a little soap and water.

558. We're in America, not some gutter on the poor side of Calcutta.

559. Let's go wash our cocks with sand

560. plus water.

561. Today.

562. Soap is soft and fights bacteria and smells like spring rain in Ireland.

563. Or so we're told.

564. And how tough do you think it is to get a kid

565. to rub his cock in the shower?

566. And speaking of penises to wash.

567. Here's Misty and Dylan's son, Ethan.

568. Look, we talk about a lot of bullshit on this show,

569. but a newborn baby, it's just fantastic.

570. Stories not done yet?

571. There's still a big decision left to make.

572. What will Misty and Dylan do?

573. Here's some final thoughts from our experts.

574. If you hear the scream, it's a scream you never forget.

575. I've done hundreds of circumcisions and I regret every one.

576. It's not a big secret anymore that the foreskin is an important

577. part of the penis.

578. It has sexual function for both the male and the female.

579. And your child will thank you for it when he gets older and realizes

580. that he's a whole man.

581. So circumcision started as a sacrifice because God wanted the Jews dickheads.

582. Then it kept going because Christians hated the fun of masturbation.

583. We saw through that.

584. Suddenly circumcision prevented disease.

585. Now we find that's bullshit too.

586. So the only excuse we have now is conformity.

587. Not a very compelling argument.

588. What's next?

589. So your cock head is a little easier to pierce.

590. So you don't whistle in the wind to stop the terrorists.

591. Let's end this now.

592. The first rule of medicine is to do no harm.

593. Cutting off the tip of the penis is a very least a harm.

594. And quite possibly fucking bad.

595. Then bad for fucking.

596. So all you penis butchers out there, put down the knife.

597. Step away from the baby and do no harm.

598. Take the whole baby home.

599. Please take the whole baby home.

600. Have you guys decided what you're going to do?

601. Nothing has.

602. Wayne.

603. Wayne, thanks.

604. Show's over.

605. Okay, I'm on my.