Penn & Teller: Bull! 2x8

1. I'm Penn.

2. This is my partner. Tell.

3. My hair is about 30% gray.

4. You can see it in the roots.

5. Tell her has a bit less gray, but also a bit less hair.

6. And he is touching up my gray roots.

7. And Phyllis is covering up Tyler's bald spot with a little bit of makeup,

8. or trying to be as attractive as we can for the show, but

9. it gets harder every year.

10. I mean, this is really the least we can do.

11. If we were serious about our jobs, we'd get surgery

12. and procedures that might make us look better and, well, better.

13. Pretty much means younger Ponce de Leon was looking for a fountain.

14. He should have been searching for a scalpel.

15. The fountain of youth.

16. How much of it is bullshit? Gosh.

17. Nice job today, fellas. Don't. Thank you.

18. I. Can get.

19. It. For the

20. boo boo boo boo boo boo

21. boo. I'm.

22. Yeah.

23. We all have an incurable terminal disease.

24. Aging.

25. But if you believe the spam in your email, listen to department store, cosmetics,

26. salespeople, or even talk to some doctors hustling miracle treatments.

27. Growing old is for chumps.

28. Teller and I are 56 and 49, respectively.

29. That's solidly past 40 years old.

30. It's not like we're overly sensitive about it, but everyone one

31. we interviewed didn't want to look over 40.

32. That was the magic goddamn number to hate.

33. What the fuck is wrong with 40?

34. Who really gets to choose the bad age?

35. Takes a long time to get good at a profession.

36. Till I have been working professionally.

37. Kinda. Sorta.

38. What we do for a total of 87 years.

39. This is not our first gold. Fuck.

40. We take pretty good care of ourselves.

41. Now that we're successful, they're saying we're too old to underwear ads.

42. Will. Damn it!

43. We don't think we are.

44. To hell with convention.

45. We are doing our own underwear ad right now.

46. What kind of underwear do you have on teller?

47. Kelly has on bullshit jockey.

48. So I have on bullshit briefs.

49. So do us a favor and go out and buy these, would you?

50. Bullshit underwear. Go out and buy.

51. Yeah, I'll do it.

52. I'll do it. Oh, teller.

53. Oh, I chosen

54. profession has really nothing to do with with underwear ads.

55. No one even said we were too old to do them.

56. We didn't even didn't even audition.

57. Didn't try. We just.

58. We're just two saddled

59. fucks standing in their underwear.

60. Television.

61. Sorry.

62. It's now pretty clear why we like real underwear models and underwear ads.

63. They look cool.

64. We treat them special because they're special.

65. They got something that most of us don't possess.

66. And that's what most of us want to see.

67. In spite of all the squawking, none of us really want to see normal people in ads.

68. We see normal people every day.

69. We want to see special, and we want to be special.

70. Welcome to

71. Ground Zero of Special, a Los Angeles Botox party.

72. It's a kind of looking you can't look your age,

73. otherwise you're passed over.

74. That's where this guy comes in.

75. Well, again, thank you.

76. Thank you. Ladies.

77. A god to his patients.

78. He's just one of the two and a half gazillion plastic surgeons

79. in Beverly Hills.

80. Please help yourselves to the refreshments.

81. How much younger can you really look?

82. I'm Doctor David Rahimi from Forever Young in Los Angeles.

83. I would say that depending on how old you are,

84. you can log between 5 and 15 years younger.

85. See what God didn't give me? You did.

86. And with the latest advances, turning back the clock is not much more force

87. than a Rhonda Jiffy Lube.

88. Look at that. Go on to get a cup of coffee.

89. Come back with no wrinkles and big lips.

90. What more could a girl want?

91. Yep. Thanks to collagen, invest

92. in a synthetic facial fill that puffs the lips.

93. Are you ready?

94. And Botox, a paralyzing agent derived from

95. the botulism toxin used to smooth facial wrinkles.

96. A quickie fountain of youth is yours for the asking.

97. The cost? Only 900 bucks.

98. And the possibility

99. of a few small side effects, like droopy eyelids for up to a month

100. and a frozen expression of boredom, which the young often have anyway.

101. When she animates her face, she won't even be able to frown.

102. Don't be nervous.

103. If any of these soon to be Botox beauties gets the jitters, it's soon forgotten.

104. Under the magical spell of Doctor Rahimi.

105. And towards me.

106. Imagine you're at the beach.

107. I know it's hard,

108. but just take a long walk at the beach.

109. Look into the ocean and you

110. see the beautiful sailboats in the distance.

111. See that third boat on the right?

112. Yeah, yeah, that's his beautiful sailboat.

113. You paid for it.

114. Oh, whether you want to have a little bit of Botox,

115. a little college, and that makes you feel good

116. and helps you to look a bit younger than I think this wonderful.

117. I think I think it really helps.

118. Thanks. No bullshit.

119. Doctor Amy is offering a service.

120. Can he gets results?

121. Botox works, but his sales pitch is a little strong for our taste.

122. So it's not unreasonable to,

123. you know, do Botox every now and then,

124. sort of as a preventative measure, preventative Botox.

125. What the hell is that?

126. Oh, fuck. Man, she's a child.

127. I'm 20 years old.

128. I'm doing it to prevent wrinkles from coming.

129. She's starting to get a few lines, and that's basically why we're doing it,

130. is because we saw the start of some lines, and we wanted to prevent them.

131. Only in Beverly Hills and every other city in America.

132. Last year, over 175,000 kids

133. under 18 had collagen and Botox treatments.

134. These kids might want to read the fine print of the four page Botox

135. disclaimer document, where it's admitted the use of Botox quote

136. may result in the formation of antibodies that may reduce the effectiveness

137. of subsequent treatments.

138. Hey, it's their allowance.

139. It's their bodies. Power to the people.

140. Now, what is the name of the program?

141. This is going to be aired.

142. Oops. Aging.

143. The fact that time passes.

144. The fact that what life really is, is change

145. is something that is hard for us to to come to terms with.

146. I'm Doctor Rene Garfinkel, I'm a clinical psychologist

147. on the faculty of George Washington University.

148. So the more things we have that allow us

149. to deny it or resist it, the more we'll try.

150. We've always been preoccupied with youth.

151. Richard Linette, reporter, columnist, Advertising Age magazine,

152. the media is both reflecting our

153. obsession with youth, and they're helping create it.

154. What drags them in is that tantalizing, tempting image

155. of of nice ripe skin and flashing eyes.

156. And it gives them a false view of the way people look

157. and by extension, the way they look or the way they should look.

158. Enter the department store cosmetics counter.

159. Today's version of the Medicine show.

160. It's filled with magical elixirs to push back the clock.

161. There are over just right now at a conservative estimate.

162. Over 10,000 anti-aging products being sold.

163. 10,000.

164. I'm Paula Baygon, author of Don't Go to the Cosmetics Counter Without Me.

165. You would be shocked as to how willing

166. women are, regardless of their income, if they think it's going to make them

167. more beautiful, more attractive, or willing to put down the money for it.

168. The seduction

169. overwhelms any common sense we might bring to the table.

170. I am often offended by what is being passed off

171. as real information from the salesperson to the consumer.

172. We have to hear some of this crap for ourselves.

173. So we throw on dresses, loaded up our bullshit tempting burst

174. cam and hit them all.

175. We didn't even need the purse.

176. Picture us in drag.

177. Who would notice a camera?

178. This potent moisturizer helps to

179. defend the look of fine lines and wrinkles, while using the skin

180. firmly as pure technology to form a floating barrier.

181. This is

182. obviously

183. our cellular Time-Released Moisture Lotion.

184. Very simple.

185. It lifts your skin all

186. whose activation?

187. Which does combat references dermal creases.

188. Does that mean wrinkles?

189. Well, basically just helps to minimize and reduce

190. your fine lines and lines caused by repeated gestures

191. like frowning and smiling and laughing and squinting.

192. Okay, so it's quite a boost to kind of plump out

193. in conjunction with becoming more lights up right in your fat free.

194. Supple floating. Area.

195. I can't tell you how many expensive moisturizers are just wax and water

196. with some little exotic traces of fancy ingredients to seduce the consumer with.

197. What did you say was in it?

198. Oh, it's a Lester.

199. Green tea, Rosemary for you.

200. Ten, which is good.

201. Oh, Gene.

202. Well, it's a combination of wild soybeans

203. and white birch to extract.

204. Sounds more like lunch than skin care.

205. What's the cost for all this gobbledygook?

206. 36. 50.

207. And then what about the 45?

208. So it's very reasonable.

209. It's about 72. Okay.

210. One ounce is only $2.

211. For 65 to 260

212. is one for a small $200.

213. So to go up to 500.

214. Right. But it's not just the price tag.

215. It's bullshit.

216. You're not paying most of your coin for the actual yam sea goo.

217. What a lot of people don't know is that Estee Lauder owns Clinique

218. Estee Lauder products, having a lot of the same ingredients,

219. definitely making the same claims there anywhere between two,

220. three, four and five times more expensive than cliniques products.

221. You're also paying for a name.

222. We can't complain too much.

223. I mean, you weren't watching Paul and Teddy's bullshit.

224. The most expensive one that was just launched is $575 for one ounce.

225. We're sure it's tough to get the essence out of a yam,

226. but you should know how much these fancy ingredients cost to manufacture.

227. Tops. Tops.

228. 7 or 8, maybe $9 a product, maybe.

229. Andy Warhol believed that if you dressed and acted older than you actually were

230. when you were young, you'd keep people from noticing you were aging.

231. But there's a point where we all say, I'm looking a little tired,

232. and that's when it's time to take action.

233. As someone great once said.

234. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

235. Okay, they were probably talking about fighting the Nazis or something important,

236. but they could have been talking about this woman who,

237. for personal reasons, wanted to turn herself into this woman.

238. Hello.

239. My name is Cindy Jackson.

240. Cindy Jackson has had more cosmetic surgery than just about anyone.

241. I was only 33 and I did

242. look older than my years, but I wanted I wanted to look better.

243. I wanted to look younger.

244. So I decided to remake myself with cosmetic surgery.

245. Her youthful role model.

246. Only the most ageless beauty of them all.

247. I saw Barbie doll for sale in the local bargain barn.

248. Suddenly I thought, that's what I want to be.

249. I want to live that life.

250. When your role model is plastic, it takes a bit to keep up.

251. We decided to do my eyes and at the same time,

252. a little liposuction on my fat knees.

253. I had the nose done. Lower facelift.

254. I got some collagen

255. injections, my whole mouth reconstructed, a second nose job on breast

256. implants put in, but they didn't work out so I had them removed.

257. I had my nostrils lower, eyes redone temple face match than the lower facelift.

258. I'd have yet another facelift.

259. The biggest operation I had was my child.

260. That was all cut apart and moved back.

261. Silicone chicken plant.

262. My upper lip reconstructed, my lower lip made larger and several liposuction.

263. So my waistline was created

264. with liposuction, chemical peels, medic dentistry, Botox, laser resurfacing.

265. I've had most of my makeup tattooed on my eyebrows.

266. Eyeliner and lipstick is all tattooed on.

267. And then I had my forehead resurfaced.

268. I always leave something out though, because I can't remember everything.

269. And what did over 100,000

270. bucks of surgery get the world's tallest Barbie?

271. Because I've had the de-aging surgery,

272. I'll always look at least ten years younger than I really am.

273. This plastic surgery, addiction syndrome, is not actually that uncommon.

274. Doctor Rod Rourke, president of the American Society of Plastic Surgeons.

275. We don't want to transform you into another individual or another being.

276. So I just have a frank discussion with them about that.

277. If they're my patient, because I won't do that surgery.

278. That's rough.

279. That leaves only about 68,400 of your colleagues who will.

280. Hi, I'm Doctor Rourke.

281. In 2002, nearly 7 million Americans dropped

282. a total of $7 billion on cosmetic surgery.

283. We live in a looks just and age society.

284. When I'm 60, I'm going to look 50 at minimum.

285. Maybe I look 45.

286. Maybe I look 40 because every decade I look younger than the decade before.

287. There are a lot of ways you can go with this body modification stuff.

288. Cindy wants to look like Barbie.

289. most people think that's a little odd, but it's just fine.

290. It's her fucking money and her body.

291. Now, our good friend Nygma decided he wanted to look

292. as little like Barbie as possible.

293. It was a little less

294. painful and less expensive than Cindy's, but it's the same idea.

295. Make makeup is tattooed on, just like Cindy's.

296. His horns are silicone,

297. just like Cindy's.

298. Most people are cool with ear piercings and tattoos.

299. It's your money and your body.

300. Decide how you want to look.

301. But a few years ago, some folks did a survey.

302. They asked senior citizens to rate the best years of their lives.

303. Their favorite year.

304. Their 60s, followed by their 50s.

305. Then, in sequential order, their 40s, 30s, and finally their 20s.

306. The years they describe is the least satisfying of their life. Why?

307. It's not just your body that ages, it's your mind maturing in exciting ways

308. that allow the true experience of life to be felt and understood.

309. So watch your fat lips or your blue skin ever get in the way of that.

310. Now, if you're hellbent on inflicting yourself on 3 or 4 more generations,

311. there are a number of nut theories for pulling that off.

312. It's about

313. 6 pounds worth of vegetables that I eat in a day.

314. Dean Pomerleau loves salads so much so he believes

315. you can stuff himself with leaves for the ripe old age of 120.

316. The bulk of the diet that I eat.

317. Keeps me from getting hungry.

318. But thanks to his diet, he's enjoying the onset of osteoporosis.

319. At 37.

320. I see it as.

321. Worth it to experience more of life to give up a slice of pizza.

322. Pizza is not the only pie he's giving up.

323. He's completely lost his sex drive.

324. There ain't no free.

325. These folks are the worried.

326. Well, doctor DiNardo, medical journalist Larry.

327. Anxiety ridden.

328. They're neurotic.

329. And everything they do is about living longer. Living.

330. And they don't live at all.

331. Which brings us to this man.

332. I'm doctor Ron Kennedy.

333. I practice anti-aging medicine in Santa Rosa, California.

334. According to Doctor Kennedy, his art filled office

335. is at the forefront of extending human life.

336. As you can see, I'm an amateur artist.

337. emphasize that word. Amateur.

338. He did that joke so we don't have to know thyself.

339. I got

340. into nutritional medicine in the beginning.

341. Out of concern for myself.

342. Because I was in my 40s and I could see, well, hey, you know, I'm aging, and,

343. I think some people are satisfied with that, and I wasn't.

344. Doctor Kennedy specialty is treatment with human growth hormone,

345. a popular new substance that claims to help you stay young.

346. Human growth hormone, or HGH, is produced in the pituitary gland.

347. People with lower levels of this hormone have decreased sexual desire,

348. loss of muscle mass, decreased physical mobility and energy levels,

349. a greater risk of cardiovascular disease, and lower life expectancy.

350. They're aging.

351. It may or may not work as an antidote.

352. Aging age and it's still being tested.

353. So in the words of every single extreme sport fanatic, he looks good.

354. You go first.

355. Yeah.

356. Growth hormone

357. levels typically decline progressively until at age

358. 90 or so, the average 90 year old doesn't have any.

359. They've lost weight.

360. They've lost organ mass.

361. and so to a great extent, these kinds of losses can be prevented.

362. But can replacing human growth hormone or HGH

363. really reawaken the sleeping star and grandpa, are you.

364. The initial studies on growth

365. hormone actually indicate that it does do something.

366. My name is S.J. Olshansky.

367. I'm a professor

368. in the School of Public Health at the University of Illinois at Chicago.

369. You probably will experience an improvement in your mental acuity

370. and your skin elasticity, perhaps even in your sexual function,

371. as a result of the use of growth hormone.

372. Hold on.

373. Name of the show is bullshit.

374. Where's the bullshit?

375. Well, reintroducing growth hormone into older individuals

376. might actually shorten the lives.

377. Well, if that's true, that's a bingo.

378. The loss of growth hormone with the passage of time

379. may be one of the very factors that enables us to live as long as we do.

380. This particular item called worm squirm.

381. It's an herbal preparation.

382. You see these people out there

383. promising and promoting all these hormones and all this cockamamie

384. junk to make people live longer, and it's absolutely crazy.

385. They're going to be fresh for a long time.

386. Okay, so some scientists say maybe growth hormone is dangerous to human health.

387. Then, they have some explaining to do.

388. What's nature doing making in the first place?

389. There's absolute nonsense.

390. I cannot believe he would say such a stupid thing.

391. Doctor Edward Schneider, Dean, University of Southern California.

392. Nature makes a lot of things that are frankly, very dangerous.

393. It makes arsenic. Nature makes lead.

394. Nature makes lots of materials that are dangerous, toxic, and can kill you.

395. Just because nature makes something doesn't mean you should take it.

396. Doctor Kennedy has another wonder treatment selection.

397. Affiliation is the banning of heavy metals by an organic molecule.

398. And certain organic molecules have the ability to do that.

399. And they facilitate the transport

400. of metals from one location to another in the body.

401. What he's trying to say is a collation is a way of pumping your veins

402. with a wonder liquid

403. that will flush all kinds of disease, causing particles out of your body.

404. These folks are being collated by Kellerman right now.

405. I had

406. heart attack when I was 46 years old, so I felt that

407. to keep living a little bit longer, why I should do things.

408. And I'm just, very thankful to have been able to get rid of my angina problems.

409. I know it works.

410. Chelation doesn't do squat.

411. Study after study after study finds.

412. When you give some people the real chelating agent in the IV

413. and some people playing salt water, there is no difference.

414. People still fall for this nice business. Doc.

415. Where did you go to medical school.

416. And you learn about evidence

417. about studies, but objective thinking about science.

418. Hello? Where's the proof?

419. Show me the P word.

420. You know, we got to grow up already.

421. Our search for the fountain of youth wouldn't be complete.

422. Let's return for another visit with Cindy Jackson.

423. See, Cindy has this friend.

424. Hi, I'm Miles Kendall.

425. I was exclusively created by Cindy Jackson.

426. You heard right, Cindy Jackson personally

427. designed the surgically rebuilt Myles Kendall.

428. The eyebrows were were very lower and arched around the eyes.

429. That was all lifted. Up in the vision.

430. I feel like a bit of a Svengali. There you go.

431. I look at Miles and I see

432. something that I helped create.

433. We don't know who paid, but it wasn't done at gunpoint.

434. We're okay with all this.

435. Cindy has shared her vision.

436. And according to Cindy Myles, biggest problem was.

437. Come on, you know this one.

438. He looked in his 40s, and, you know,

439. people treat you like you're in your 40s.

440. And also you look in the mirror and you feel old.

441. Fuck you.

442. We're sticking up for you.

443. Don't be trashing over 40.

444. You know what our palette is? Give her two.

445. He shared his vision of the antique Ken doll.

446. This is another pal of ours.

447. I think his wife, Katzen.

448. They should all look over 40.

449. Nice whiskers.

450. their money, their fucking bodies.

451. My. My transformation began with, rhinoplasty,

452. which is a nose job, so I have a brow lift.

453. Lift up my brow.

454. I had my eyes tweaked, widened slightly.

455. I had muscle from here.

456. lifted to here.

457. Have my lips done as well?

458. Tweaked and my chin done.

459. I've had liposuction

460. and a full facelift. Of course.

461. And then I had cosmetic dentistry.

462. Not good at all.

463. So once I had my surgery, Cindy suggested that maybe I ought to have a new name.

464. And this is the corny, but she said, Bobby and Ken Kendall.

465. Surname? Kendall.

466. Tiny bit of a lip there.

467. He changed his name to smile.

468. Kendall assuming the identity of an 11 inch man.

469. Not the 11 inch sort of man you're hoping for.

470. The person who says to themselves, I hate myself and my life.

471. And when I have this plastic surgery, that's all going to change.

472. That person has a problem.

473. Has all this been successful for me?

474. Yeah. I was hoping it would. And it did.

475. I'm successful in relationships.

476. I'm successful socially.

477. I've got a brand new kind of a job that I never imagined I would have.

478. Hi, I'm Myles Kendall.

479. I'm a television presenter.

480. When I reach 65 to 70,

481. I envisage me looking about 55.

482. It's people's perceptions of looks

483. that generate opportunities in life.

484. If it's because of my looks. So what?

485. I still get paid.

486. Ha ha.

487. Apparently Myles hasn't saved enough for retirement, but he seems happy.

488. And, you know, Sydney seems happy.

489. So do I think Emma and Catherine.

490. Maybe this look the way you want.

491. Thing isn't so bad.

492. I don't need anything right now.

493. I think I'm okay for the time being.

494. What do you think?

495. So I can't.

496. I can't raise my eyebrows very far.

497. I'll always have it. That's like.

498. It's like buying a house and then moving up the property ladder.

499. Once you've got a foot on the rung, you're there.

500. It's not like, well, what happens if you lose it all? Well

501. I can't.

502. It's I've I've bought it.

503. It's it's mine.

504. And I own the, it's the smaller nose and the.

505. You know, I don't have the big chin and I don't have

506. I've got a, I've got at least ten years off my face.

507. I'll always have that.

508. So in a way it's an investment.

509. Even without surgery, we in this country have found the fountain of youth.

510. Modern science has made it so that most of us live twice

511. as long as you would have 150 years ago.

512. If you want to change your body or make yourself appear younger,

513. there are some ways to do it.

514. Be careful.

515. Most of the ways are still bullshit, so watch who you ask to help.

516. We even found an expert who suggested some things

517. any man could easily do to live longer.

518. There are two things a man can do to extend his life.

519. first is castration.

520. Time to go.

521. Head. To.