Penn & Teller: Bull! 2x12

1. We're all obsessed with fitness.

2. Not that good sort of obsession where we actually work

3. out of the gym, watch what we eat, and feel good about ourselves.

4. More like the sort where you park your car in front of this fitness house

5. late at night and watch the windows with a pair of binoculars.

6. I'm Pam, this is my partner, and tell her,

7. like most Americans, we have more money than we do.

8. Self-discipline.

9. We watch, we eat a little, and we work out a few times a week

10. and we feel pretty good.

11. But we still look like fucking Penn and Teller.

12. Hell, we could work out 50 hours a week, and that wouldn't change.

13. Even if we busted our asses and live like bugs,

14. we still only be slightly more toned because, like it or not,

15. these are the bodies our genes fucking give us.

16. This is what we are.

17. That's the power of genetics.

18. Anybody that tells you different is selling a

19. load of bullshit for five.

20. I. Have.

21. To boo

22. boo boo.

23. Mean.

24. You do.

25. Look at

26. how silly people used to be back when everything was black and white.

27. Falling for useless devices that they thought would make them healthy and shit.

28. These poor saps had no clue.

29. But you can shake every fat into your body to collapse.

30. But you'll never escape the power of genetics.

31. The weasel selling those shaken machines guaranteed results that never came.

32. And look at us now.

33. Same bullshit pitch.

34. Same bullshit results.

35. It's just in color now.

36. Health clubs, fitness trainers, books, video supplements, stretchers, butt

37. burners.

38. Some of these won't do anything more than the shaky machine,

39. but thanks to false hopes, they sell like crazy.

40. How the hell do we get to this point anyway? One.

41. One. Two.

42. Oh, put something into it. Come on. There.

43. Well, maybe the trouble started over 50 years ago with this guy.

44. The goddamn Godfather of fitness. Hi.

45. I'm Jack LaLanne.

46. We have more fat people.

47. And we've never had in our history.

48. When the fattest nation in the history of the world.

49. Fat. Fatal.

50. Awful. Terrible.

51. Gotta train like an athlete.

52. You got to exercise.

53. You gotta eat right.

54. Think right what it's all about. That's right.

55. Jack LaLanne has spent a lifetime preaching his gospel.

56. The keys to a perfect body are moderate exercise, a reasonable diet.

57. They're absolutely delicious.

58. You and I, tight, shiny jumpsuit.

59. It's not that tough.

60. And if you can't afford a half an hour, 3 or 4 times a week for taking care

61. of the most important person in the world, you, you've got to be sick.

62. And it's good advice.

63. Exercise will help you maintain better health.

64. We're not arguing that.

65. But even Jack can't change this fact.

66. Your body shape is all mapped out from the day you were born.

67. In other words, all this will never turn you into this.

68. Make no

69. mistake, Jack LaLanne hit the genetic jackpot.

70. Genetics play the most major role with regard to the type of body

71. that you ultimately end up with.

72. Doctor Nuala troche,

73. orthopedic surgeon and sports medicine specialist in Los Angeles, California.

74. To a very large degree, we are prisoners of our own genetic code.

75. However, within our genetic predisposition, exercise is very helpful

76. in elevating your own body's fitness and function.

77. But after decades of watching super Man here,

78. our goal went beyond a little extra fitness.

79. We fucking wanted to be Jack LaLanne.

80. Too bad only a small percentage of us had the genes to even try.

81. While more proof really gets the back of your arms and your chest.

82. You're looking here at a 90 year old man.

83. And sure, he's taken great care of himself,

84. but this is a result of nature's as much as nurture.

85. Somebody like Jack LaLanne, who has been able to remain so active

86. at such an advanced age, obviously has the genetic foundation

87. to be able to stay fit and stay vibrant at that age.

88. Exercise has also helped him to maintain his fitness level,

89. but you can't escape the genetic foundation that the man must have.

90. Okay, so Jack was given a leg up by genetics,

91. but the fuckers that followed him built fortunes

92. by promising us those unattainable bodies and they added a twist.

93. They told us we could have perfection in an instant

94. without the genetics or the work.

95. Well, you can't say the thigh thing that we're not allowed to say in the name of.

96. Does it work?

97. This I need it now.

98. Attitude is the perfect environment for the legions of bullshitters

99. who make a living by selling false hopes, impossible dreams,

100. and springy things.

101. Yeah.

102. I'm Clark Bartram, personal trainer and fitness model, motivator

103. and owner of International Fitness in San Marcos, California.

104. What a guy.

105. Clark Bar Trump has built the name for himself.

106. Even if that name is awfully close to a candy bar name.

107. Clark Bar Trump offers services and products that promise

108. to help people build better bodies.

109. Okay, I'm trying to bring everything

110. that a person would need in order to get in great shape.

111. Whether it's information, motivation, encouragement.

112. Big beach balls, designer beef jerky, you know all the essentials.

113. When you say Clark Bartram, I want you to think of fitness.

114. The fitness industry certainly likes Clark Barr.

115. Trump.

116. His studly torso, is a frequent sight on fitness.

117. Print ads and magazine covers.

118. Put me on the cover.

119. I'm going to help you sell more issues, because I think I look

120. how people want to look like.

121. If his program works, why aren't his students and everyone that buys

122. his products, putting him out of business by taking turns posing for these covers?

123. I get asked probably 50 times a month, hey man, how can I get in the magazine?

124. Bro, I saw you in the, you know, whatever.

125. How can I do that?

126. Okay, bro, time for reality check.

127. A lot of us would like to be fitness models.

128. Well, no, but very few of us like to be fitness models.

129. We want to do something with our lives.

130. But most of us would like to look like a fitness model.

131. Unfortunately, that's out of reach for most of us.

132. Because aftermarket tints aside, great DNA requires great DNA.

133. It's a cold fact of genetics.

134. So there are three basic body types.

135. First, there's the Ecto more, which is the tall, lean person.

136. This individual just doesn't have the genes to become heavily muscled,

137. skinny fucked.

138. Next there's the endo more, which is the rounder, softer individual.

139. According to genetic scientists,

140. nearly impossible for them to become lean and mean.

141. Fat fuck. And finally,

142. there's the met

143. someone, the Clark Bartram types who find it easier to build muscle tissue

144. and make a decision on whether to shave or wax.

145. Just plain fuck.

146. Even Clark Barr,

147. Trump agrees to become a fitness model.

148. You'd better have the right genes.

149. Genetically, I was predisposed to do what I do, I believe.

150. So there is a lot of effort that I've put forth,

151. but I've been blessed with some really good genetics.

152. Yeah. Blessed. And as for the rest of us.

153. I would say of all the people that I see walking the streets,

154. if I'm in a mall and a gas station or whatever, there are very few people

155. that I just, my opinion think could be on the cover of somebodies magazine.

156. So does Clark gently tell aspiring

157. fitness models to their expectations may be unrealistic.

158. I've actually written a book called YouTube Can Be a Fitness model.

159. That's right.

160. According to Clark, you can't be a fitness model.

161. But according to Clark's popular book, you two can be a fitness model.

162. You two can be a fitness model.

163. Here's where the borderline between good trainer and self-serving bullshitter

164. starts to blur.

165. Go ahead and sit up. I'm going to show you off for a minute.

166. This is my prophetic statement right here that Sarah will be on or in a magazine

167. one day, because she is one of the most determined people that I've ever seen.

168. And I am so motivated by what you're doing.

169. And I'm telling you right now, you will make it. You've got the look.

170. You've got the physique.

171. These so-called fitness experts like to promise people the impossible

172. that you can reshape your body into whatever you want it to be.

173. Sedrick Bryant,

174. chief exercise physiologist for the American Council on Exercise.

175. If you look like a stud, you're going to have people

176. who are going to follow you and they're going

177. to want to do what you do because you do this.

178. What they surmise is that, hey, it obviously works, works for you.

179. So I want to give it a try and see if it's going to work for me.

180. So maybe Clark's book won't make you a fitness model like the bullshit

181. title says it will.

182. You have a better chance of the book making you taller.

183. Or at least you can stand on and maybe look a little taller.

184. Clark is just biding his time till he can become Clark.

185. Barred from superhero.

186. I'm being noticed in this industry.

187. People know who I am.

188. They read about me,

189. they see me in the magazines, they see me on television or whatever.

190. I want my name to be synonymous with fitness.

191. I want to be the next Jack LaLanne.

192. Sorry, Beefcake.

193. You'll never look as cool as Jack in a jumpsuit.

194. And Jack will never die. What? Two.

195. When it comes to making money off muscle

196. cars like Clark Bartram are small potatoes.

197. The big money's in the franchise.

198. Mega gyms that shine and gleam at the low.

199. But the hookers I.

200. Oh, I'm

201. sorry, I

202. my bad.

203. Myths abound

204. when you walk into any gym because there's really nothing magical

205. in terms of what happens to you from a body composition standpoint.

206. And so what happens is people fail,

207. they become discouraged, and at worst they may become injured.

208. That's why as average monkeys quit going to the gym after a few short weeks.

209. Must be tough for business.

210. If only there were some way to get you to keep paying.

211. Their contract terms, usually

212. for three years, which people use for about two months.

213. Primary fitness trainer.

214. So where other 34 months they're still paying their fees, but

215. they're not using the gym and there's really no way to back out of it.

216. So how do gyms suck you into it?

217. By using hard shell tactics to get you to sign on the bottom line.

218. We decided to see for ourselves with our bullshit detecting gym bag camp.

219. We stuck it in a pile of sweaty socks and hit it off

220. to stink up several well-known gym chains.

221. This is how it works.

222. We have achieved promotion.

223. Achieved promotion.

224. Decided by now with $19, now $19 per month, a membership.

225. This is 36 months after 36 months is nonrenewable

226. 99 hour on the fee plus $45 plus a $50 card fee.

227. Total 159.

228. Since these guys know you're not going to stick it out for long.

229. The name of the game is get as much money upfront as humanly possible.

230. Let us say it is. Usually around $150.

231. He first month and you pay your last month upfront.

232. So this is 569 a day to get started.

233. Would it be something you want to pay thousand dollars a month?

234. Looks like abs and asses aren't the only thing

235. these guys are working over.

236. Yeah, it was all about money in the pocket.

237. Unfortunately, when people discover that working out

238. isn't, well, working out, they look for help.

239. Powdered help.

240. Today,

241. there are hundreds of dietary supplements on the market promoted with claims.

242. Add some powder or a pill is going to help you bulk up.

243. Tone up and slim down. It's all bullshit.

244. But if you tell people, control your calorie intake

245. and exercise in moderation, there's nothing to sell.

246. So you guys get discounts and other stuff.

247. And they are also asking us to try to push as much supplements and other products

248. off the shelf as possible. We have our own supplements.

249. We sell our own protein.

250. They have their own creatine.

251. They wanted us to be selling.

252. I believe it was $150 worth of supplements every week.

253. My boxes of protein bars to buy individual protein bars.

254. Meal replacement drinks.

255. That's what these actually are.

256. So our stuff helps you just get extra results.

257. $40,000 for one.

258. Reason that we checked his name tag and it didn't say doctor on it.

259. I'm sure it was just an oversight.

260. If you're not a registered dietitian, you really are not in a position

261. to dispense information regarding supplements.

262. You're really working outside your scope of practice.

263. Let's focus on me for the blue.

264. This is more for building muscle, basically.

265. I don't know much about this, but this.

266. But I know it's not for building muscle.

267. If you want to be in the bed.

268. Paging Doctor Jim Lackey.

269. Glucosamine is for joints and cartilage, not muscle.

270. Muscle. While you're on a roll.

271. You got anything that burns fat.

272. And there's that burning. And there building.

273. That was going to get metabolized faster.

274. And the building is going to start working on the fact that you have in your body

275. and absorb all this fat.

276. The theory behind many of these fat burners

277. is that they're going to cause you to become this real fat burning furnace.

278. And unfortunately, most of those substances

279. aren't revving up your metabolism as much as they're revving up

280. your cardiovascular system.

281. And therein lies the problem, because that's what puts the individual at risk.

282. So you can take the beating and the fat burning together.

283. It doesn't look better.

284. These two nitwits were more than happy to play doctor all day,

285. but at least one health club salesman knew enough to suggest caution.

286. Don't ever get.

287. Really? Why?

288. My friend passed away just a month ago.

289. This is taking stuff away.

290. I'm like that and I make stuff up.

291. Get a product. But it doesn't work.

292. Oh, awful.

293. You know, we're not even buying that story.

294. Evidence must be skimpy of even fitness gurus like Clark bah

295. Trump admit that supplements are overrated.

296. Yeah, there's this big boom lately with dietary supplements,

297. fat burners and protein powders and and pro hormones.

298. You can get big if you take these things and all this different type of stuff.

299. There is an overemphasis with these products now.

300. Well, said Clarke, it's good to see a real,

301. Well, the biggest selling product here for this gym is actually my brand,

302. Clarke Bartram Nutrition for fitness.

303. And the reason it's the best selling is because I push it.

304. Shut the fuck up.

305. The dumbbell fall on your head.

306. What could cause such short term memory loss?

307. We were right to hate him for the way he looks.

308. There are some of us.

309. The mega gyms can't weasel.

310. We're talking about those of us who are too lazy to even leave the house.

311. Good news.

312. There's a whole world of bullshit fitness products

313. rolling our way.

314. It's beautiful.

315. Still, like I live in a resort.

316. Look at this place.

317. Life in a mansion by a golf course.

318. You'd probably have to work your ass off to get a place like this.

319. Well. Not quite.

320. I'm Tammy Lee Webb, better known as buns, is still.

321. Buns still came to me through a friend.

322. They were looking for a woman that could actually, you know, do the exercises,

323. put it together and had a bottom

324. that was something that they could market.

325. Yep. Tammy Lee built a fitness empire on her ass.

326. Let's get you warmed up and get you the buns you want.

327. Okay.

328. For the past 15 years, her bestselling workout tapes

329. have fueled women's dreams of turning asses of covered

330. in the buns of steel, all in the comfort of their own homes.

331. Buns still took off because of a lot of things.

332. One, it was the name of it, the packaging, the marketing,

333. and of course, the the workout itself.

334. Step together. Step to the other side.

335. Looks fun, But as Tammy Lee already said,

336. she had that, but before they even hired her.

337. Nobody gets that ass by doing this for 20 minutes a day.

338. And unfortunately, transforming your body doesn't work that way.

339. In that we have certain genetic limitations that are placed upon us.

340. But most of us are really looking for that quick fix.

341. When pressed, even Tammy Lee admits that it all boils down to that dreaded G word.

342. You've got to work with what you're given, and that's genetics.

343. If you're an individual that is very thin and tall

344. and you have a flat,

345. but then you're always going to have a flat,

346. but you're not going to get certainly not mine.

347. It's never going to be advanced still, but.

348. It's never going to be a buns of steel.

349. But we're just guessing that tape's named.

350. If you're very thin and tall and you have a flat, but

351. then you're always going to have a flat butt, might be tough to sell,

352. but just look at the claims printed right on Tammy Lee's boxes.

353. No matter what your body type or schedule, Tammy Lee can help

354. you feel great and achieve the body you've always dreamed of.

355. What are you waiting for?

356. Get the buns you want today.

357. You now can get the abs, arms, the buns and body pockets.

358. Always want.

359. Yeah.

360. The ones you always wanted were pictures on a videotape.

361. My tapes don't give false hope.

362. And the reason is, is because I'm in it and I know what I'm saying.

363. And I'm telling people the truth. The truth.

364. One, two. Three. And.

365. If you have a flat, but then you're always going to have a flat.

366. But more it's never going to be a bounce is still better.

367. Tammy Lee.

368. But we have to give Tammy Lee credit for having balls of steel.

369. She came on the show and stood behind her product.

370. Most of the beefcake bozos who peddle videos

371. told her next size machines hit on the bed when they saw us on caller ID.

372. You know who you are. Fuckers.

373. Some folks are probably wondering why I tell her I have these cards

374. on their foreheads.

375. It's another one of our beloved overextended metaphors,

376. two of our big time fitness experts have told you that

377. genetics is the most important factor in how your body reacts to working out.

378. That means you may not be the best judge of your potential.

379. It's like Indian poker.

380. Everyone else goes with your gut.

381. It's hard to bluff anyone but yourself.

382. If you've got honest engine pals and you ask, they might tell you

383. what body type you're holding.

384. Okay, who's the next metamorph media trying to convince us we can defy genetics?

385. Hi, I'm John Abdo,

386. health and fitness motivator and inventor of fitness equipment.

387. Hello, everybody.

388. Is everyone working for Adobe?

389. Come on.

390. Over the last few years, one product that sold 2.5 million units

391. by promising to tighten up America's abdominal muscles was the ABS.

392. Sure. Nice and easy.

393. It definitely does the abdominals.

394. But quit thinking just the abs and start thinking about the entire midsection.

395. Exactly how is wiggling around like a monkey supposed to tone

396. your entire midsection?

397. We'll let the inventor. Explain the abdur during.

398. You sit down and you move your body in all these different,

399. wonderful positions, like a dancer, like a figure skater, like a boxer

400. in a controlled setting where your spinal column and torsos held up.

401. Right.

402. So now, anatomically, your body is in a technically correct position.

403. Literally,

404. you can engage all the muscles and trim the entire region from one movement.

405. We love a guy who says literally when his bullshit come on.

406. The ab doer ab don't.

407. The bun in thigh toners in the in the ab toners and so forth

408. that promise you that we can target that specific area

409. and shape it and spot it and sculpted spot reduction is a myth.

410. It's it's a physiological impossibility.

411. And the fact of the matter

412. is, that's what we do in terms of dieting and weight loss.

413. That really affects how we look in a given region.

414. But when you doing aerobics routine like that and makes you leaner.

415. Yep. A true aerobics workout can help you lose weight.

416. But a study by the American Council on Exercise found that the App Store

417. burns far fewer calories than traditional aerobic exercise,

418. and it does not appear to live up to the claims made by its manufacturer.

419. So what made it sell so well?

420. Introducing the out the seductive power of a slick infomercial.

421. But with one simple phone call you can have,

422. the Abdul are getting you into the shape you've always wanted.

423. The hope in the consumer at home at 3:00 in the morning

424. that's 2,030 pounds overweight.

425. They're always looking for the quick fix.

426. Wendy Cooper, infomercial producer.

427. Wendy Cooper's business see

428. Spot Run Entertainment makes responsible infomercials with honest claims.

429. There's some really great infomercials with great products and great companies.

430. And then there's the ugly ones.

431. Now you can go from layers of flab to rock hard abs in just minutes a day.

432. With the app doer.

433. There's the ab swing, the ab doer, the AB roller, the ab scissors.

434. The ab this.

435. The ab that just get down on the floor, do some crunches or do some sit ups.

436. We've did it for years in school.

437. It was called calisthenics, for God's sake.

438. The average result for the AB

439. or that that I have seen is people can lose 3 to 4in in one month easily.

440. It doesn't happen that way.

441. If you're not consistent in your diet and your workout,

442. then you're not going to lose weight and you're not going to get sick, do you?

443. There's no magic pill.

444. There's no magic machine.

445. I'm finding this a.

446. Very good piece of machinery because it's very versatile.

447. I think consumers need to understand

448. that the people that they see in the infomercials are paid models.

449. When they have those bodies.

450. And of course, they're blessed with great genetics.

451. They probably have very disciplined eating and exercising habits.

452. And that's why they look like that, not because of their use of the products.

453. According to Wendy, there are many tricks

454. some infomercial producers used to sell fitness products.

455. Instant abs took me from Fat Dad to Cool Dad.

456. You get your best friend, you know, you drag people in off the street

457. and you pay him 50 bucks.

458. What's great about this machine is that you have a total twisting motion.

459. The director will tell him what to say.

460. They'll give him a cue card.

461. You know, they'll tell him what to say.

462. And then there are the bullshit.

463. Before and after photos.

464. Look at the posture.

465. Is the person standing there pushing their belly out and then the after picture?

466. Are they standing straight up and sucking their belly in?

467. Nobody walks around with their rib cage showing.

468. You know, that's basically a suck it.

469. I weighed at one time.

470. My highest was 159 and I never had a flat stomach.

471. The best boy of all time, a genetically blessed ecto.

472. More, one of the moments in their life they have a belly.

473. A lot of times they will use pregnancy photos, because that's pretty

474. much the only photo the gal can find other than being fat on the abdomen system.

475. All in all, in about four weeks I've lost about 13 pounds.

476. Let's get real.

477. If the length of their hair is six inches longer,

478. you know that before and after picture is probably not true.

479. I've lost.

480. Look at the color of the hair. Look at the age of the of the face.

481. Just look at the overall picture before you make a determination of

482. oh wow, is that really six weeks ago?

483. And there's one more psychological trick that's guaranteed to boost sales.

484. An infomercial format has

485. got to have the element of it's going to change your life.

486. I know for a fact that by using the app, it will definitely change your life.

487. We're betting if you bought an app dour, it did change your life.

488. You're not thin with six pack abs, but instead a little bit more cautious

489. with your allowance.

490. If you didn't learn that lesson the first time, Mr.

491. Abdo is ready to further your education.

492. Oh, this is really easy.

493. I like this definitely.

494. I definitely feel it in the oblique section.

495. The instant abs is exactly what the ab door isn't.

496. The Andrew.

497. You sit down and you wiggle your upper body, the instant abs.

498. You sit down, you wiggle your lower body.

499. He's a genius.

500. We call it free motion technology.

501. The instant abs.

502. You're able to freely move your lower body, but you're perfectly secured.

503. So what about the name instant abs?

504. Does that mean it works faster?

505. People ask me, where does the name Instant ABS come from? Has?

506. Because when you instantly get on a machine,

507. you instantly know that you're engaging muscles

508. that you've never really engaged before in one setting.

509. So even the name is instant bullshit.

510. The abductor targets your upper abs, lower abs, people

511. that want government babysitting or asking,

512. can't the Federal Trade Commission just shut them down?

513. Not even if the FTC fines the company $10 million.

514. The company has already made 20, 30, 40,

515. 50, 60, 70, sometimes 100200 million.

516. So the mentality really is.

517. So what if I get a $10 million?

518. Fine, I've made this over here.

519. And some companies find a way to avoid the FTC altogether.

520. The success of instant ABS really started in Europe.

521. That's where the marketing company

522. decided to launch it, and it's just been phenomenal.

523. If an American product is only being marketed in Europe or Japan,

524. Korea, Canada, wherever it might be, does that say something about the product?

525. Absolutely. There is no FTC internationally.

526. Speaking of making a bundle of money, John isn't done yet.

527. He's a doer.

528. You you you. You

529. you're fresh.

530. Jump into fitness.

531. There's nothing else like it.

532. Jumping to fitness is an absolute blast.

533. I redesigned a whole trampoline system.

534. I put a numerical design on the surface so now people know where to put their feet.

535. The tilt ability is unbelievable.

536. You're right.

537. We don't believe this is anything but a lopsided version

538. of one of the mini trampolines that sell in stores for about 35 bucks.

539. This one costs more than twice as much because it has numbers painted on it.

540. The jump into fitness with the whole package is just remarkable.

541. It sells for under $80.

542. Now, who said exercising can't be fun for us?

543. That's who you.

544. What's up cool about this product?

545. I like most of this equipment.

546. This one can be used as a sundial.

547. You know, we were outside.

548. Tell me.

549. We got to get the funnels to move evenly across the ceiling.

550. As we're shooting on these days, I'm sure they.

551. Look at this shit.

552. But, I mean, this thing we can do to these motherfuckers is sure

553. what their crap looks like in regular lighting without genetically perfect

554. steroid and surgically enhanced people who don't need it using it.

555. Paul shows right here people, look at this shit.

556. This is what you'll actually get.

557. And this would look

558. like in the corner of your closet with your clothes draped all over it.

559. We're not saying that getting this finished is a bad thing.

560. Working out is great.

561. I can make it feel better

562. and look better, just not as much or as quickly as you might like.

563. And real fitness is not expensive.

564. Eat less, be more active.

565. Should make your lifestyle cost less.

566. But take it from two contented and dumb offs.

567. You're going to be a lot better off

568. if you recognize the genetic card you were dealt, and play them.

569. You sure don't need a royal flush to enjoy a game of cards or a stray metaphor.

570. Finally, remember when you buy this shit you said

571. in front of the same jock head fucks you, made you feel like shit in high school.

572. Don't let them fuck you over again for.

573. Hey. You know.