Penn & Teller: Bull! 1x3

1. PENN, WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?

2. TELLER'S BEEN HERE FOR AN HOUR!

3. IT'S NOT YOUR ALARM CLOCK. WE CALLED YOU.

4. AND IT'S NOT YOUR FUCKING CAR,

5. 'CAUSE WE SENT A CAR FOR +]

6. WHAT IS THE DEAL?

7. I WAS, UM... ABDUCTED BY ALIENS.

8. Narrator of film: SINCE BIBLICAL TIMES,

9. OF... VISITORS FROM ANOTHER WORLD.

10. THEY'VE BEEN ABDUCTED BY ALIENS.

11. CAN THEY ALL JUST BE NUTS?

12. DO THE MACARENA IN PUBLIC?

13. THEY'RE EITHER NUTS... OR THEY'RE HANGIN' WITH NUTS...

14. WHICH IS A... VERY PLEASANT IMAGE.

15. NEEHH.

16. IN SANTA CLARA, CALIFORNIA,

17. THE ALIEN ABDUCTION PHENOMENON.

18. THE E.T.s ARE HERE...

19. ALWAYS BEEN HERE.

20. FOR SERIOUS SCIENTIFIC DISCUSSION.

21. THEY'RE SERIOUS.

22. ALL PEOPLE...

23. WITH EXTRATERRESTRIALS, WHETHER THEY REALIZE IT OR NOT.

24. HAVE CONTACTED ME.

25. THAT ARE IN HERE...

26. THEY DON'T WANT... YOU KNOW, THE COVER-UP ANYMORE.

27. HI. MY NAME IS VICTORIA JACK,

28. AND I'M THE EXECUTIVE PRODUCER OF THE BAY AREA UFO EXPO.

29. THE TRUTH COME OUT.

30. GREAT, 'CAUSE WE DIG THE TRUTH,

31. AND ON DAY ONE, WE ATTENDED THESE NOBLE TRUTH SEEKERS' FIRST SERIOUS MEETING.

32. THIS IS WONDERFUL.

33. WE'RE GONNA BE, UM...

34. OF THIS, UH, RAFFLE TICKET

35. FOR THE ROSWELL CRASH PLATE.

36. WE HAVE NUMBER 377658.

37. NESTOR VALEZ.

38. HERE I AM... IN DRAG... SCAMMING A PLATE.

39. IS THAT RIGHT?

40. FIRST THING I EVER WON IN MY LIFE.

41. THAT'S FANTASTIC! THERE YOU GO!

42. HA HA HA HA HA!

43. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!

44. I'VE NEVER WON A THING, AND THIS IS...

45. THAT HAPPENED IN ROSWELL.

46. I LOVE IT!

47. ALL THE ALIENS ARE HERE.

48. WHO'S TAKIN' NOTES

49. HE CAN SHARE.

50. TO YOU ON CAMERA FOR A SECOND?

51. WHAT YOU'RE WRITING IN THAT PAD?

52. UM, JUST KIND OF LIKE, UM, MY THEORIES AND THINGS LIKE THAT.

53. THIS, UH, WAS ABOUT THE PLATE...

54. EARLIER, THAT SHE WON?

55. THE ROSWELL, UH, CRASH PLATE...

56. AND A—A SAUCER...

57. AND I THINK IT HAD, LIKE, A BUNCH OF, UH,

58. OUT OF THE PLATE?

59. WELL, WHAT KIND OF NOTES ARE YOU TAKING ABOUT THE PLATE?

60. OH, I WAS JUST KIND OF ADMIRING IT.

61. I THINK I SAID, UH... "NICE PLATE."

62. OF THEORIES ARE YOU WRITING DOWN THERE?

63. UM, I'VE JUST BEEN COMPILING NOTES,

64. UH, 'CAUSE I JUST THINK, UH,

65. SOME ALIENS AMONGST THE GROUP HERE,

66. BEIN' THAT THIS IS A UFO CONVENTION.

67. BE SOMEWHERE AND FEEL COMFORTABLE,

68. WOULD THEY BE?

69. 700 MILLION LIGHT YEARS,

70. YOU WOULDN'T CATCH US AT THE TAJ MAHAL OR A STRIP CLUB.

71. NO, SIREE, WE'D BE HANGIN' RIGHT HERE.

72. I THINK THEY'VE TAKEN HUMAN FORM.

73. SO I'M JUST, UH, DEVISING THEORIES,

74. QUIRKY BEHAVIOR,

75. THAT SORT OF THING.

76. DR. WILLIAM CONE.

77. I'M A CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST.

78. THERE'S A LOT OF REASONS WHY PEOPLE GO TO UFO CONVENTIONS.

79. UH, PART OF IT IS CURIOSITY.

80. UH, BUT IF YOU LOOK AT THAT CONVENTION,

81. WITHIN IT, ALL THE PEOPLE THAT COME,

82. THERE'S A HARD CORE

83. WHO'VE BUILT THEIR LIVES AROUND THIS BELIEF SYSTEM,

84. OF MAINSTREAM SOCIETY.

85. DON'T JUST BELIEVE

86. AND FLYING SAUCERS.

87. THERE'S A SPECIAL BREED THAT BELIEVES THEY'VE BEEN ABDUCTED BY ALIENS.

88. OF WHACKJOBS.

89. IS TO REMAIN CALM.

90. IT'S VERY IMPORTANT TO REMAIN CALM.

91. HELLO. I'M SHURLENE WALLACE.

92. AND I'M EARLENE CARR.

93. OH, YEAH— AND THEY'RE SELLIN' A BOOK.

94. PRIMARILY, THE ABDUCTIONS OCCUR WHILE I AM IN BED.

95. IMMEDIATELY I'M PLACED INTO A STATE OF PARALYSIS,

96. AND I'M IM— TOTALLY IMMOBILIZED.

97. AND IMBILIZED! BOTH!

98. I WAS LOOKING UPWARD, AND I—I SAW THIS CRAFT IN THE SKY.

99. THEY TOOK ME OUT... SIDE

100. AND TO, UH... AND TOOK ME UP IN A BEAM TO THEIR LITTLE SCOUT SHIP.

101. THERE WAS A SMALLER GRAY E.T. ABOUT 4-FEET TALL

102. HOLDING A HYPODERMIC NEEDLE.

103. UH, EXPERIMENTED BY ENTITIES

104. VERY HUMAN-LIKE.

105. IN—IN FACT,

106. AN EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCE.

107. BROUGHT ME BACK.

108. UM, AND THAT'S...

109. THAT'S THE REAL CONDENSED VERSION OF IT.

110. WE'VE ALL HEARD THESE TYPES OF STORIES,

111. HAS DRAMATIZED THEM,

112. BUT THEY FEED EACH OTHER.

113. THEY MAKE MOVIES ABOUT IT,

114. STUFF MORE LIKE THE MOVIES.

115. HI, I'M ANTHONY C. FERRANTE. I'M THE EDITOR-IN-CHIEF OF CINESCAPE MAGAZINE.

116. ABDUCTEES GENERALLY TELL,

117. SEEM TO BE DERIVED IN PART,

118. OR SOMETIMES IN WHOLE,

119. FROM SPECIFIC MOVIES, OR TV SHOWS.

120. IN THE 1950s YOU HAD THESE MOVIES,

121. AND THEY WERE, LIKE, FLYING DISCS AND STUFF LIKE THAT.

122. THEN, YOU KNOW, THE ALIENS GENERALLY WERE LIKE BIG GUYS IN SUITS.

123. THEY HAD CLAWS, AND THEY LOOKED RUBBERY.

124. AND THAT WAS, KIND OF, WHAT PEOPLE SAID.

125. OH, HEY, THAT'S WHAT AN ALIEN LOOKS LIKE.

126. THAT SILVER SHIP.

127. OF THE NIGHT,

128. UH, WHAT LOOKED LIKE

129. THREE 81/2-FOOT

130. OUT OF NOTHING IN THE ROOM.

131. I WAS IN A SPACESHIP, TRAVERSING THE GALAXY,

132. ALL ENORMOUS, BEAUTIFUL SHIPS

133. THROUGHOUT THE GALAXY.

134. THE SHIPS ONE NIGHT.

135. UM, WAIT, THIS CREATURE IS OVER 7 FEET TALL.

136. AAH!

137. PERCEIVE TO BE REALITY.

138. YOU KNOW, THAT STUFF CAN INFLUENCE WHAT YOU'RE SEEING

139. TO SLEEP AT NIGHT,

140. AND YOU'RE STARTING TO HAVE THESE WEIRD DREAMS ABOUT BEING ABDUCTED.

141. DO YOU HAVE THOSE DREAMS?

142. HAVE THOSE DREAMS.

143. WHAT'S WRONG WITH US?

144. IF WE CAN'T HAVE FULL-BLOWN SEX DREAMS,

145. WE WANT A PIECE OF THIS.

146. WE'RE BEING GYPPED.

147. APPARENTLY, THERE'S NO TELLING WHAT AN ABDUCTEE MIGHT DREAM UP.

148. ON THE PLANET MARS,

149. STARTLING INFORMATION,

150. VERY, VERY STARTLING.

151. INFORMATION.

152. DOMINATED BY BLACK PEOPLE.

153. WERE NOT BLACK PEOPLE.

154. ALL THE COLORS TOGETHER.

155. A RED-YELLOW RACE.

156. AND HOW DO YOU KNOW?

157. AND THEY HAD BLOND HAIR. BECAUSE I WAS THERE.

158. I WAS EXAMINED, UH... VAGINALLY

159. UNLIKE EQUIPMENT THAT WE HAVE HERE ON EARTH.

160. AH, YES, THE FAMOUS ALIEN PROBE.

161. SO VERSATILE, IT WORKS IN ANY ORIFICE.

162. NO MATTER HOW IT LOOKS, ABDUCTEES ALL LOVE THE PROBE.

163. SOMETHING INTO MY CHEST.

164. IF YOU BELIEVE THESE STORIES,

165. SOMETHING LIKE THIS.

166. TO OUR FAVORITE ABDUCTEE.

167. WOULD SHE RECOGNIZE IT?

168. SHIPS BEFORE,

169. FAMILIAR LOOKING.

170. WE'RE SO MEAN.

171. SEX SHOP,

172. OF "STAR WARS" SILVER PAINT.

173. THIS PARTICULAR THING, I BELIEVE,

174. IS USED, UH, LIKE, FOR DOING ALIEN IMPLANTS IN PEOPLE.

175. STOP THE TAPE! STOP RIGHT THERE!

176. THIS'LL BE FUN. GUESS WHAT IT WAS SHOVED UP?

177. OK, PLAY THE TAPE.

178. SHOVED UP THE NOSTRIL IN MY NOSE.

179. WRONG.

180. SOPHISTICATED INSTRUMENT.

181. OUR LASER GUNS,

182. WELL, WE CAN DO CERTAIN THINGS HERE ON EARTH,

183. BUT, UM, YOU KNOW,

184. OUR MEDICAL TECHNOLOGY,

185. COMPARED TO THEIRS.

186. WOW, YEAH.

187. ABDUCTION WERE ERASED BY THE ALIENS,

188. BUT THEY'RE CONVINCED

189. REGRESSION THERAPY.

190. I'M BARBARA LAMB. LICENSED MARRIAGE AND FAMILY THERAPIST,

191. HYPNO-THERAPIST, AND REGRESSION THERAPIST.

192. HEAR THAT? SHE'S LICENSED.

193. IS IN WITH THE ALIENS.

194. SO, SETTLE DOWN NOW...

195. AND CLOSE YOUR EYES.

196. HEAD NOW TO BE VERY, VERY HEAVY,

197. AND VERY RELAXED, ALMOST LIQUIDY FEELING,

198. TO SOFTEN AND MELT IN THE NOONDAY SUN.

199. THAT'S BEAUTIFUL. SHE'S A POET.

200. THE REGRESSIONS,

201. CONSCIOUSLY REMEMBER.

202. AND JUST GO AHEAD NOW,

203. MOMENTS THAT HAPPENED.

204. A REPRESSED MEMORY.

205. WHAT, IN FACT, IS GOING ON,

206. THE EXACT OPPOSITE.

207. MEMORIES IN PEOPLE,

208. BELIEVE THAT IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED.

209. TO YOUR ATTENTION.

210. IS PUTTING THE IDEAS IN HER HEAD.

211. WE'RE PUTTING IN THE SPOOKY MUSIC. WE'RE DOING OUR PART.

212. AND TURN RIGHT.

213. IN FRONT OF ME ON THE MAIN ROAD.

214. DOES IT SEEM TO BE UP, SOMEHOW, OVER YOUR CAR,

215. THAN YOUR CAR?

216. YES.

217. SAYS SHE SEES A LIGHT,

218. "IS IT OVER THE CAR,"

219. RIGHT THERE YOU'RE

220. THAT THERE'S

221. AND THAT SOMETHING'S ABOUT TO HAPPEN WITH THAT LIGHT.

222. BIG, BLACK EYES.

223. ALMOND SHAPED.

224. IT'S JUST TELLING ME TO BE CALM.

225. HE'S TELLING YOU TO BE CALM.

226. AND HOW IS HE TELLING YOU? DO YOU HEAR HIS VOICE?

227. NO, I CAN FEEL IT.

228. SUCH AS, "HOW IS THE ALIEN TELLING YOU THIS,"

229. THAN HUMANOIDS DO.

230. THEY'RE USING

231. A PIECE OF MAYBE LUNG OR SOMETHING.

232. THAT ARE HAPPENING,

233. DOCTORS ON EARTH?

234. NO.

235. "LIKE THE DOCTORS ON EARTH,"

236. THAT THESE DOCTORS ARE NOT FROM EARTH,

237. BE ANSWERED "NO".

238. REGRESSION,

239. I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HAD HAPPENED THAT NIGHT.

240. I'M GLAD THAT

241. MISSING TIME.

242. BEINGS.

243. THAT HAS BEEN MISSING.

244. THROUGH YOUR DAILY LIFE,

245. YOU REALIZE THAT ONE HOUR,

246. OR PERHAPS 2 HOURS

247. OF WHAT HAPPENED.

248. WHETHER IT'S DRIVING ON THE FREEWAY,

249. WALKING HOME, SITTING THROUGH A MOVIE,

250. AND NOT KNOWING IT,

251. IS NORMAL.

252. IT'S A NORMAL PART OF THE HUMAN EXPERIENCE.

253. MAKES AN ABNORMAL EXPLANATION FOR IT.

254. AND REALIZE THAT YOU'RE PARALYZED.

255. CANNOT MOVE,

256. OR SAY ANYTHING, OR CALL OUT.

257. STAYS ASLEEP,

258. FROM THE BRAIN,

259. WAKES UP.

260. WHEN THAT HAPPENS, YOU ARE FULLY CONSCIOUS,

261. MOVE AT ALL.

262. THAT ON YOUR BODY THERE ARE UNUSUAL MARKINGS.

263. HAVE A REASON TO.

264. SO, ALMOST EVERYONE YOU TALK TO,

265. TO EXAMINE THEIR BODY CAREFULLY,

266. A SCRATCH, A HOLE,

267. A DIMPLE, A SCAR THAT THEY COULDN'T EXPLAIN.

268. TELLTALE SIGNS HAVE HAPPENED TO YOU,

269. THAT YOU, TOO,

270. EXTRATERRESTRIAL BEINGS.

271. AND IT MIGHT NOT.

272. THERE'S

273. THAT THEY'VE BEEN ABDUCTED BY ALIENS.

274. UNUSUAL EXPERIENCES.

275. THESE ARE SIGNS OF ALIEN ABDUCTION,

276. HAVE NEVER HAD ANOTHER EXPLANATION,

277. THAT ONE.

278. ALIENS SUCK.

279. THEY'RE TAKING PEOPLE, DOING SURGERY AND SHIT,

280. THEN ERASING THEIR MEMORIES,

281. UNEXPLAINED SCARS.

282. IF I WERE AN ALIEN,

283. PLASTIC SURGEON.

284. DON'T GET SO ADVANCED

285. THAN THE SPEED OF LIGHT,

286. WE CAN'T DO SURGERY

287. CREEPY SO-CALLED THERAPIST CAN FIND.

288. TELLER, UM...

289. WE'RE TALKING ABOUT UNEXPLAINED SCARS,

290. NOT UNEXPLAINED CIGARS.

291. NO. NO, I DON'T WANT THAT.

292. DIPSHIT.

293. HI, EVERYBODY. IT'S GOOD TO BE TOGETHER AGAIN.

294. FOR EXPERIENCERS OF THIS TYPE.

295. ARE VERY FREE TO,

296. AND ARE ENCOURAGED TO,

297. OF THEIR EXPERIENCES THAT THEY HAVE HAD.

298. I SAW WAS, UM...

299. ODD-LOOKING,

300. A BRAIN SITTING ON THE OUTSIDE.

301. THIS ALIEN FRIEND OF MINE LOOKS LIKE.

302. ME PSYCHO-KINETICS,

303. TO MOVE OBJECTS WITH MY MIND.

304. AND THEY DRILLED...

305. IN MY FOREHEAD.

306. IN A WHILE,

307. TO PRACTICE.

308. OF MY EXTRATERRESTRIAL HUSBAND.

309. HIS NAME IS TILAP.

310. WAS REALLY CUTE.

311. A LITTLE RECEPTION.

312. PART THAT WAS SCARY.

313. EXTRATERRESTRIAL MALE?

314. YES. THERE'S 3 CHILDREN,

315. BUT I'VE ONLY SEEN 2,

316. AND THAT'S

317. AND ONE DAUGHTER.

318. I'VE EVEN SEEN

319. HERE, IN POMONA.

320. 700 MILLION LIGHT YEARS, HANGIN' IN POMONA.

321. HELPS ME TO KNOW THAT I'M NOT ALONE

322. AREN'T THE ONLY STRANGE OCCURRENCES THAT ARE HAPPENING.

323. ABDUCTIONS ARE REAL.

324. IT'S NOT QUESTIONING WHETHER THESE THINGS ARE REAL OR NOT.

325. IT'S THE IDEA OF

326. GOES OUT THE WINDOW.

327. UNFORTUNATELY,

328. ISN'T THE ONLY PRICE BARBARA'S PATIENTS HAVE TO PAY.

329. NOW, THE COST FOR A 3-HOUR REGRESSION

330. IS $60 PER HOUR.

331. BUT IN SOME CASES, THEY'VE COME BACK

332. 20, OR 30, OR 40 TIMES,

333. AND WE'VE BEEN ABLE TO DO MANY REGRESSIONS.

334. I LIKE THAT SITUATION.

335. I'LL BET SHE DOES.

336. I'VE BEEN WORKING WITH BARBARA FOR OVER 5 YEARS.

337. I'VE BEEN SEEING BARBARA LAMB FOR 5 YEARS.

338. I'VE BEEN HAVING REGRESSION THERAPY WITH BARBARA FOR 12 YEARS.

339. I'VE BEEN SEEING

340. 41/2 YEARS,

341. AND WE'VE HAD SO MANY REGRESSIONS,

342. THERE'S JUST TOO MANY TO COUNT.

343. WELL, IT'S MY OPINION

344. INTO ANOTHER PERSON, LABELS THEM AS A VICTIM,

345. INTO A SUPPORT GROUP,

346. THEM TO SPEND THE REST OF THEIR LIFE THERE,

347. TO THAT PERSON.

348. WELL, I TAKE MEDICATION FOR ANXIETY.

349. I AM ON MEDICATION.

350. I TAKE MEDICATION.

351. I'M ON MEDICATION,

352. BUT IT'S NOT BECAUSE OF MY EXTRATERRESTRIAL STUFF.

353. OK, IT'S ONE THING TO CLAIM YOU'VE BEEN ABDUCTED,

354. WANTED SCIENTIFIC PROOF OF ALIEN CONTACT.

355. AND THAT'S WHAT WE WENT LOOKING FOR IN DAY 2 OF THE U.F.O. EXPO.

356. RAN INTO OUR OLD PAL,

357. FROM THE COCKTAIL PARTY.

358. DIDN'T RECOGNIZE HIM.

359. WELL, THE REASON

360. AT THE COCKTAIL PARTY,

361. WHAT WE WERE SAYING,

362. JUST A BIT NECESSARY TO GO A BIT INCOGNITO.

363. WE'RE BEING SCAMMED.

364. NOTE GUY'S FRIEND;

365. KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE.

366. WILL COME AND CONTACT US,

367. THEY ALREADY HAVE CONTACTED MANY OF US.

368. AND THEN THEY'RE

369. THAT WE ARE GOING TO BUILD.

370. IT'S A STRUCTURE THAT WE'RE TRYING TO RAISE FUNDS FOR.

371. SO FAR WE HAVE ABOUT... $17.

372. SEE THAT SMIRK? HE THINKS WE'RE BEING FOOLED.

373. THIS IS PERFORMANCE ART.

374. FROM OTHER PLANETS SEEM TOO FAR FETCHED?

375. HOW ABOUT U.F.O.s BUILT RIGHT HERE IN OUR OWN BACKYARD?

376. IN 1960, THE UNITED

377. A DISC CRAFT.

378. THE CRAFT LOOKS LIKE TODAY.

379. KNOW ABOUT THIS?

380. I DON'T KNOW.

381. A NEED-TO-KNOW BASIS ONLY.

382. STATES GOVERNMENT IS DOING THIS?

383. I CAN'T TELL THAT ON CAMERA.

384. I'M SERIOUS.

385. WHY NOT?

386. ARRESTED IMMEDIATELY.

387. DO YOU THINK WE'RE SEEKING OUT JUST THE LOSERS?

388. OK, WE'LL TALK TO THE 2 MOST CREDIBLE PEOPLE AT THE U.F.O.

389. A FAMOUS AUTHOR, AND AN ESTEEMED DOCTOR.

390. I'M DAVID ICKE. I'M THE AUTHOR OF SOME 14 BOOKS,

391. AND I'VE SPENT THE LAST 13 YEARS

392. THAN 40 COUNTRIES

393. WHO REALLY CONTROLS THE WORLD,

394. AND IT'S NOT WHO WE THINK IT IS.

395. HUMAN FORM,

396. AS HUMAN WITH OUR 5 SENSES.

397. BUT BEYOND THAT, THEY'RE REPTILIAN.

398. OF OUR 5 SENSES,

399. THE SON AS REPTILIAN ENTITIES.

400. YOU KNOW,

401. ANYONE'S SAID THAT MAKES SENSE.

402. I TALKED TO MANY,

403. EXPERIENCE OF SEEING,

404. UH, PARTICULARLY FATHER

405. INTO A REPTILIAN ENTITY, AND THEN COME BACK AGAIN.

406. HYBRID BLOODLINES.

407. I CAN VERY,

408. THAT THE BUSH FAMILY, DICK CHENEY,

409. ROYAL FAMILY, BIG TIME,

410. THESE REPTILIAN HYBRID BLOODLINES.

411. OF FAIRNESS,

412. TO PRESIDENT BUSH,

413. AND ONE TO VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY,

414. THAT THEY ARE REPTILIAN.

415. CURIOUSLY, THEY DECLINED OUR INVITATION.

416. AND THAT'S MORE PROOF THAN ANYONE THERE HAS.

417. LECTURING AT THE NEXT CONVENTION.

418. WELL, THE FAMOUS AUTHOR

419. OF IDIOTIC THEORIES, BUT NO HARD PROOF.

420. FINALLY DELIVER THE GOODS.

421. I AM DR. ROGER LEIR,

422. ABDUCTION RESEARCHER.

423. A FOOT DOCTOR?

424. 700 MILLION LIGHT YEARS?

425. DO THEY NEED ORTHOTICS?

426. THAT SOMEONE,

427. FROM SOMEWHERE ELSE,

428. IN THE HUMAN BODY.

429. I HAVE PERFORMED, WITH MY SURGICAL TEAM,

430. 10 SURGERIES TO DATE

431. ALLEGE ALIEN ABDUCTION.

432. ARE METALLIC RODS,

433. A VERY STRANGE COATING,

434. SCIENTIFIC LITERATURE.

435. YOU'RE A FUCKIN' DOCTOR!

436. COULDN'T YOU WRITE AN ARTICLE FOR THE NEW ENGLAND JOURNAL OF MEDICINE?

437. OH, RIGHT, THEY'RE PEER REVIEWED.

438. IS EXTRATERRESTRIAL.

439. MY NAME IS GLENN PHEFFER. I'M AN ORTHOPEDIC SURGEON,

440. IN THE HAND AND FOOT.

441. THERE'S CERTAINLY

442. THAN A PIECE OF METAL.

443. WE'VE ALL HAD SPLINTERS, WE'VE ALL HAD SHARDS.

444. GETS LODGED IN THE FOOT,

445. WHICH IS VERY TYPICAL.

446. LOOKED LIKE BLOOD.

447. I'VE TAKEN OUT HUNDREDS OF FOREIGN BODIES FROM FEET AND HANDS,

448. AND THAT'S JUST WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE.

449. WAS VERY PROMINENT, SEEN THROUGH THE SKIN.

450. IT WAS A MARBLE-SIZED OBJECT.

451. UNDERNEATH THE SKIN,

452. TOUCHES THE SKIN,

453. OUT OF THE WAY.

454. WAS REMOVED,

455. YELLOW IN COLOR,

456. OF A LARGE PEA.

457. VERY SMOOTH IN TEXTURE,

458. AND BI-VALVED, LIKE A CLAM.

459. ARE ABDUCTING PEOPLE,

460. PERFORMING SURGERY,

461. UNDER SOME POOR GUY'S SKIN?

462. THAN WE'D EVER IMAGINED.

463. WE HAVE A LAYER OF FAT.

464. AND CAN BECOME MOBILE. IT'S A VERY TYPICAL CASE.

465. WITH SMALL, MOBILE MASSES.

466. WE TELL THEM THERE'S

467. ON THEIR WAY.

468. FOR SOME REASON HERE,

469. THAT I'M NOT SURE WAS NECESSARY.

470. THE CALIFORNIA BOARD OF PODIATRIC MEDICINE,

471. SPENT 3 YEARS ON PROBATION

472. ACTS OF NEGLIGENCE.

473. THAN A NEGLIGENT PODIATRIST.

474. OF THE EXPO'S 2 SUPERSTAR ATTRACTIONS

475. ANY EVIDENCE OF ANYTHING.

476. FRANKLY, WE'RE A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED,

477. AND WE'RE NOT THE ONLY ONES.

478. MY NAME IS MARY PAGANO, AND I'M DISAPPOINTED IN THIS CONVENTION

479. THE U.F.O. PHENOMENON.

480. IS A LOT OF NEW AGE, WHAT I CALL FOO-FOO.

481. THEY DON'T HAVE FACTS, THEY HAVE EXPERIENCES,

482. AND THEIR TAPES.

483. WELL, THE FIRST BOOK, ALIENS AND THE SCALPEL, SOLD OVER 10,000.

484. FROM THE MOTHERLAND TO THE MOTHERSHIP.

485. I'M DAVID ICKE, AND I'M THE AUTHOR OF SOME 14 BOOKS.

486. HAVE A THIRD BOOK,

487. NOW IN PORTUGUESE.

488. OOH, TRANSLATED INTO PORTUGUESE?

489. IT MUST BE TRUE.

490. IS LIKE BEING AT A VENDORS' FAIR.

491. SELLING EVERYTHING.

492. THE INFORMATION,

493. THE LECTURES,

494. SELLING JEWELRY.

495. AND I'M NOT INTERESTED IN THAT.

496. I'M HERE FOR THE SCIENCE,

497. JUST ISN'T ANY.

498. SCIENCE OR NOT, U.F.O.s AND ALIEN ABDUCTIONS

499. AT THE U.F.O. CONVENTION.

500. OK, IT'S $213.

501. A ONE-DAY PASS FOR, LIKE, $35 A DAY,

502. OR $59 FOR THE WEEKEND.

503. INTENSIVE WORKSHOP,

504. $20 FOR THAT.

505. DAVID ICKE'S LECTURE COST $35 FOR ONE DAY,

506. OR $70 FOR 2 DAYS.

507. BUDD HOPKINS' LECTURE COST $20.

508. DR. LEIR'S PRESENTATION COSTS $40 TO ATTEND.

509. SPEAKERS COST $20.

510. AND THE VENDORS AREN'T THE ONLY ONES MAKING MONEY.

511. AREN'T EXACTLY GOING BROKE.

512. IT COSTS ME $50,000 TO PUT ONE ON.

513. WE PROBABLY MAKE...

514. 70 TO 90.

515. HAS THEIR STORY AND THEIR SALES PITCH.

516. WE'VE HEARD A LOT OF THEM,

517. BUT WHAT WE HAVEN'T HEARD IS ANY REAL PROOF.

518. FUCK, WE HAVEN'T HEARD ANY FAKE PROOF.

519. SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS OBJECT IS?

520. I DON'T KNOW.

521. WELL, I—I—I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT,

522. BECAUSE, UM, YOU KNOW, I—I—I DON'T HAVE A—

523. I DON'T HAVE A MICROSCOPE LOOKING AT THEIR FRICKIN' D.N.A.

524. WELL, THAT'S IT, NO PROOF, NO ALIENS, NO NOTHING.

525. UNIDENTIFIED FLYING MICKEY MOUSE BULLSHIT.

526. FOR 2 DAYS,

527. I'M GONNA SPEND IT

528. WHERE I'M SURE I'M GONNA HAVE MORE FUN AND LEARN MORE THINGS.

529. THERE'S NO EVIDENCE THAT THESE PEOPLE HAD ANY UNUSUAL EXPERIENCES.

530. THEY'RE JUST LIKE ALL THE REST OF US, WITH DREAMS AND FANTASIES.

531. A LITTLE ATTENTION.

532. FROM LONELY, SAD PEOPLE IN EXCHANGE FOR BULLSHIT.

533. LIKE, UH...

534. WELL, LIKE US.

535. ALL THIS ALIEN BULLSHIT?

536. TO THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU.

537. SAY, "HI."

538. FOR HUMAN CONTACT.

539. LET'S NOT MAKE OUR FELLOW TRAVELERS SPEND 60 BUCKS AN HOUR

540. THE CENTER OF ATTENTION.

541. PEOPLE SHOULDN'T HAVE

542. OF YOUR TIME.

543. WITH THE CREEPS.

544. WE ALWAYS HAVE. WE LOVE THEM.

545. WE ARE THEM.

546. REASONS TO BE INTERESTED IN EACH OTHER,

547. JUST GETS IN THE WAY.

548. CAPTIONING INSTITUTE —www.ncicap.org—