Peep Show 9x5

1. - Education, education, education

2. - Ian coming over?

3. - Oh, yeah

4. Got some new Mandarin flash cards.

5. Taking up a level

6. - I see you're sticking with the program.

7. Poor little bastard doesn't even get a Jaffa cake.

8. - I'm turning Ian into a super toddler,

9. the chocolate reward in sight

10. but always just out of reach.

11. He is going to learn to defer

12. his gratification so damn hard.

13. - When are you finally going

14. to get your gratification, Mark?

15. - I don't know.

16. Sort of all at once when I finally dive

17. into to my pension pot.

18. - Ejaculate into a pile of M & S cashmere jumpers

19. and cruise brochures.

20. - Oi, jez?

21. - I'd never masturbate into cashmere.

22. A nightmare to wash!

23. - Oh, hi, Sophie. Where's?

24. - I'm sorry but don't start.

25. Ian's with my mum.

26. Is it okay if we do it tomorrow?

27. Meet us at the Kid Kave.

28. - But I've been preparing all sorts of great IQ games.

29. I've stuffed a pinata.

30. It's filled with nature facts

31. with the odd carob covered raisins

32. to keep his morale up.

33. - Look I'm sorry, Mark, I need to talk to you.

34. You got any beers in?

35. - This isn't America, Sophie.

36. I don't keep random beers in.

37. I might have some rum,

38. But you probably. - Fine, rum.

39. - She's a bit rum keen.

40. - So,

41. What happened?

42. What happened with Ian?

43. - Oh it's fucking Duncan.

44. Obviously you're going to feel jealous.

45. He's around the whole time.

46. I know how you feel about Duncan.

47. - I love Duncan!

48. Sexless, unthreatening Duncan,

49. teaching him maths and tag-teaming the Mandarin flash cards.

50. - Duncan's a great guy, but he's a shit

51. - Oh.

52. Okay, because since Duncan's been around

53. - Ugh!

54. - Ian's scores have been through the roofs.

55. - Scores? Have you been testing our son?

56. - No!

57. I mean, yes

58. just a bit of basic intelligence testing.

59. I do it to me and Jez too, just to keep track.

60. - Yeah, well, Duncan, you know how he tutors?

61. - Of course! When I saw how Ian could hold a pen

62. I nearly shat.

63. - Well, I think he's getting a bit fucking cozy

64. with one of the mums, Alison.

65. You remember Alison?

66. Oh, look at my floaty dress, Sophie

67. is it too much for the pub?

68. - Oh, right

69. - What do I do?

70. I'm pretty sure he's having an affair.

71. - Well, I think you shouldn't be too hasty.

72. Maybe everything will run its course

73. with Duncan and Alison.

74. - You think I should wait until he's bored of humping her?

75. - I just think Duncan sounds like a real catch,

76. and people have multifaceted.

77. - Just let him get Ian started

78. on the viola and or ancient Greek

79. - Remember Grandma's Boner, Mid-Noughties,

80. when we teamed up with Perpertual Spinach

81. did a bit turbo folk?

82. - All the Whores of Malta.

83. - Exactly, well, Whores of Malta's been picked up.

84. It's on a skills video for a Hertha Berlin defender

85. - Oh, wow!

86. - Yeah, plus, I've got a cheque here for you for 250 quid.

87. - Oh my god! Mark! I've done a thing.

88. Do you think when I do a search this will come up?

89. Cos when Joe searched,

90. nothing really came up apart from some shit

91. I wrote in a forum about how Moby was overrated

92. and should be killed and his DNA expunged from humanity.

93. - Hmm

94. - And you know, cold light of day,

95. it looks a bit much

96. - Yeah, no, no, no, this should,

97. this should come up now on the Internet.

98. - Lyrics by Super Hans

99. - Yeah, you did the lyrics solo, did you?

100. - Ah, yeah.

101. Definitely, definitely, didn't

102. - Yeah, pretty sure I helped.

103. - No, don't think so.

104. Anyway it's cool yeah?

105. - Oh, yeah it's cool but I just think,

106. would it be cool to change the credit

107. to a shared credit, though, don't you think?

108. - Sure, sure, I'll speak to the guy.

109. it'll be cool.

110. Although there's a small chance

111. it might not be possible

112. - Cool, understood.

113. But you'll have a word.

114. - Absolutely.

115. - But the headlines are

116. we did a track,

117. everybody loves it.

118. The rest is just bean counting for the bread-heads yeah?

119. - Yeah, truth to power, my friend.

120. - I need to get away and count my beans.

121. I think he's trying to take some of my bloody beans.

122. - Do you want some bread to go with that? As ballast?

123. - You're my ballast Mark.

124. - Well, thank you

125. - You weigh me down.

126. You stop me from flying off.

127. You're my ballast Mark

128. - Happy to be of service.

129. - Stop calling me your ballast

130. - Hey! This may sound like a crazy idea

131. but why don't you move into nana's cottage with us Mark?

132. - I'm sorry, how do you mean?

133. - With me and Ian.

134. Fuck Duncan! He can drive around

135. in Alison's Mazda like a little pimp.

136. You move in with us, to nana's cottage

137. We could be fucked-up family!

138. You're my ballast Mark!

139. - Let's see how she likes it.

140. - You're my ballast too, Sophie.

141. - think I'll be saying no to a lifetime

142. of passive aggressive mutual ballast-calling.

143. April?

144. - I'm really sorry for turning up like this,

145. but I've been walking round the block,

146. and I just wanted to talk.

147. - Talk, yeah?

148. Very quietly at the door?

149. - Okay

150. - Do come in and meet my ex-wife,

151. the drunk.

152. - Um, sorry, just

153. - I just want to put everything on the table.

154. - Get this shit off the table!

155. - I know we've had a nice time together,

156. there's obviously this mutual attraction.

157. - Are we having sex on the table?

158. - But the kiss, that was wrong.

159. - Not wrong, right!

160. - We crossed a line

161. and I don't think we should see each other anymore

162. - Look, can we talk tomorrow?

163. I'm taking my son to a play center, The Kid Kave.

164. You could bring your niece.

165. It might be fun.

166. - I'm sorry Mark, I

167. Good bye might be simpler.

168. - Oh, knife in the guts!

169. Goodbye, April. Let the dream crumble.

170. Lovely, crumbly dream that

171. I can't even eat with custard.

172. - Who was that?

173. - Someone from the past.

174. - Ah, you love people from the past,

175. don't you Mark? Like Napoleon?

176. - Yes, but it wasn't Napoleon.

177. - Ah, that's a shame.

178. - Butter the toast, eat the toast,

179. shit the toast, God life's relentless.

180. The April door closes, the Sophie door opens.

181. The loveless marriage.

182. Cut off the cock and stick it in a jar.

183. Might be a relief.

184. - I slept on it but actually I couldn't sleep

185. because I became filled with this boiling feeling

186. of rage and now I've actually decided

187. it's the worst think that ever happened.

188. - Jez, Joe's beginning to realize that I'm a loser.

189. It's very important that he doesn't

190. realize that I'm a loser.

191. Because I'm not a loser.

192. - And would an aggressive campaign to claim

193. shared credit for the lyrics on a little bit

194. of song on an Internet football video

195. make you look like a winner, would you say?

196. - Yes

197. - I really think you need to let this go.

198. Take the advice of a man who's been scientifically proven

199. to have above-average intelligence.

200. - Oh, not the IQ test.

201. I wasn't concentrating.

202. - 133 IQ

203. - So what if I had a bit of help?

204. It's only the dunderheads with their low IQ's

205. who don't figure out the way to win is looking

206. stuff up on the Internet.

207. - I don't need to take a stupid IQ test

208. to know that I'm three times as intelligent as you.

209. - Oh, really? And what's three times 133?

210. - Three 100's and 30 and 30 and 30.

211. But then all the three's, is it a trick question?

212. - Mark no one does maths these days.

213. We've all got calculators in our pockets,

214. just like all our maths teachers said we wouldn't.

215. Anyway this proves nothing.

216. Probably most people are below average.

217. oh, fuck. Hans says it can't be changed.

218. Apparently, the net has run out of web space

219. and they don't have enough bytes left to add my name.

220. - Do you think he might be taking advantage of you

221. because you're mentally subnormal

222. and have a brain the size of pea?

223. - This track is my Citizen Kane.

224. - The lyrics you want to claim credit for,

225. that's the electronic voice saying

226. ATOL protected, ATOL protected?

227. - Yes, those are my words.

228. - Inspired

229. - I remember because I was reading the small print

230. on a plane ticket when I came up with them.

231. - Copied them.

232. - Discovered them.

233. Hang on! It was your plane ticket.

234. You went into a rant about the Civil Aviation Authority

235. and how ATOL protection wasn't something to make light of.

236. - That sounds very believable.

237. - Yes! You've cracked the case.

238. - You're not thinking of getting back with Sophie?

239. A bit of a depressing backward step?

240. - Yeah, well, April's kaput

241. maybe that's just life,

242. your expectations get ground down and down

243. until finally you settle for a life

244. that would have mortified you 20 years ago

245. but now seems like a blessed relief.

246. - It's the journey of lie, like

247. Radio 1, Radio 2, classic FM,

248. Heart, Magic dead.

249. - Mm

250. - Yeah

251. - Okay, you ready

252. - My recollection so far as it goes

253. is that Jeremy did indeed make a significant contribution

254. to the lyrics in question i e the words ATOL protected

255. - Hi Hans, I've brought you a Panettone.

256. - Sweet, what is it?

257. - I don't know

258. you see them around.

259. - Sort of like dry, old Italian cake.

260. - You right, wicked.

261. - Yeah and also, Mark had something to say.

262. - Um, my recollection so far as it goes

263. Is that Jeremy

264. - Look Jez you were there,

265. fine, you were part of a creative milieu.

266. You contributed to engendering a vibe,

267. out of which emerged my lyric.

268. - I wrote it.

269. - I know I wrote those lyrics

270. cos I keep'em in my lyrics file.

271. - You can't remember jack shit

272. because you're a crack head

273. with a brain made of Swiss cheese.

274. - You know Mate, I'm straight edge now.

275. I walk the line.

276. Moly won't even let me live stream the Spurs.

277. - We're gonna come for you in the night.

278. - He might but I definitely won't.

279. - Look, calm down will ya?

280. Sit in the bath and have a Magnum.

281. - Wanker

282. Yeah, fuck off, Hans.

283. you're the fifth Beatle.

284. I'm the other four.

285. - Come on Jez, let's go

286. I've to get to the Kid Kave.

287. - Han's file, the proof!

288. It's in there.

289. And because I've got a genius IQ

290. - Below-average IQ

291. - I've cracked the code of the spare key

292. - It's like cracking Enigma, isn't it?

293. Looking under all the different flowerpots?

294. Oh Christ Jez, not burgling

295. okay, I'm here to borrow a brolly.

296. If anyone comes, I'm saying I popped in to borrow a brolly.

297. - Here we go,

298. Apple grievances, Lemme, lyrics

299. Nothing!

300. Nothing at all

301. right, fuck him revenge.

302. Revenge is the sexy man's justice. (laughs)

303. - Ooh! Someone who is expecting cornflakes

304. is gonna get a big fucking multi hit of Shreddies.

305. Boom

306. - That is inconvenient.

307. - Okay, I'm going to lick these apples

308. and put his bank card in the freezer.

309. You start swapping the CDs into the wrong cases.

310. - Okay I'm going.

311. - Wait, watch this.

312. - Oh , Jesus, I'm a backup burglar.

313. I'm a burglar's PA

314. - No, Jeremy really?

315. Goldfish in the Shreddies?

316. Is that your budget version of a horse's head in the bed?

317. - It's the free gift that's gonna

318. to send him clinically insane.

319. - Well, for God's sake leave the snake alone.

320. - Here, fishy?

321. - And the IQ testing is complete.

322. - Fishy, fishy

323. - If I could go back in time

324. maybe I wouldn't have split up

325. with Sophie in the fist place.

326. - Where would you go though

327. if you could actually go back in time?

328. - So many choices,

329. Periclean Athens,

330. Egypt under Ramesses the first

331. the Ziggurat of Ur, God!

332. - I think I'd probably go back to the 50's

333. - The 1950's

334. Jeremy, I'm talking about seeing a civilization

335. that is unimaginably different.

336. - So am I

337. thick, thick shakes, real fat burgers,

338. big Chevies, cheerleaders

339. - But Socrates?

340. If you went for 14 AD,

341. you could nab Augustus and Jesus

342. - Nah

343. - Nah?

344. - If not the 50's and the 60's

345. see the Rolling Stones and have a Coke

346. - Jeremy, you can literally still do exactly that

347. - I'm talking about seeing them in their prime,

348. drinking Coke out of a bottle.

349. - Enjoy Cokeless Rome, dickhead!

350. - Jesus, this is where we bring them now, the poor fuckers.

351. I mean, God, net them up,

352. bag'em and tag'em.

353. - Oh, it looks fun!

354. You can have a cappuccino while they play.

355. - All I can think about is death.

356. - Better than that fucking park, mate.

357. You really want to kill yourself at the park, alright?

358. - So Sophie?

359. Are you going to pull on the iron underpants,

360. tie your knob to the Bosch and just run yourself

361. over with the Morphy Richards?

362. - It's a real three piper.

363. If I say yes, I'll regret it

364. that's certain claustrophobic,

365. depressing, moldering resentment.

366. - Corrigan classic.

367. - But if I say no, I'll also definitely regret it.

368. Overwhelming feelings of regret, guilt and sadness

369. - The old familiar

370. - Mark?

371. - Wow, my son.

372. - Hi, Ian. Ian Ian Ian Ian

373. How are you doing, little fella?

374. - Flicker of recognition?

375. Basically uninterested.

376. - Hey there, little guy! High five

377. - Ugh the high five,

378. like the gray squirrel,

379. it will drive the hand-shake to extinction eventually.

380. - Come on little fella,

381. let uncle Jeremy put you in the rage cage.

382. - So what you thinking cowboy?

383. The big offer? Happy families?

384. - Ian, It's all about Ian.

385. - You know what? Let's do it.

386. - Wow just like that?

387. - Screw it, let's give it a go.

388. - I think it could work, maybe in some weird way?

389. - I think maybe it might.

390. - Do you think we'll be unhappy?

391. - Very

392. - Put it there, partner.

393. - What this phlegm

394. has put together let no man break asunder.

395. - Um, look Mark, I've got to go.

396. Duncan wants to have a drink, the total shit

397. and I need to phone dad,

398. tell him about you.

399. He's gonna piss blood

400. - Ha ha, okay

401. - Want to cry and be sick at the same time, do you?

402. - No! I'm excited.

403. It's exciting.

404. - The first of the million lies

405. that are gonna make up our terrible relationship.

406. - See you later.

407. - Ian's in the fun pit working with the plastics.

408. - What have I done? what have I done?

409. - He's being detained at capitalism's pleasure.

410. - I said yes.

411. - Okay, you my friend are a stone cold maniac.

412. - Leftovers?

413. - I'm broke.

414. - Can't you just bank the YouTube money?

415. - It could weaken my claim.

416. The claim must not be weakened.

417. - What the fuck is that?

418. What's in there?

419. - In where? I don't know what you're talking about.

420. - Your bag just moved.

421. What have you?

422. - Okay, I need a little margin,

423. collateral to stop Super Hans in his tracks.

424. His

425. snake

426. - You brought a snake to a children's play center?

427. - Oh, Mark, don't make this into a thing.

428. - Is it venomous?

429. - Probably not.

430. I picked it up with a oven glove,

431. but it didn't look venomous.

432. - It didn't look venomous?

433. - It looked perfectly chilled out

434. when I put it in the bag?

435. - And what about now that it's been confined

436. to the bag for a couple of hours?

437. - It's fine. It's double-bagged.

438. I'm gonna call Super Hans,

439. get him to come over here

440. and we'll settle this thing once and for all.

441. - This children's play center is your designated

442. snake handover arena.

443. - He can't come at me in the kid farm, can he?

444. It's perfect.

445. - Hi, Mark.

446. Jeremy

447. - April! What are you doing here?

448. - Sorry I know I said

449. but I've had more time to think.

450. You did invite me.

451. - She came.

452. - This is my niece, Hayley.

453. - Hi

454. - Hello, Hayley, take a seat.

455. - I'll thrown in if you like

456. into the wipe clean penitentiary.

457. - She actually came

458. - Anytime.

459. - Hans, its jez.

460. Come and meet me at the Kid Kave.

461. Just get to Thornton Heath and follow the screaming.

462. - I wanted to have a big talk with Angus last night.

463. He was okay, but he was writing to the Pope.

464. He sometimes think he might be able

465. to heal the great Schism.

466. - Cuckoo!

467. - Intellectually, he's scintillating

468. but he'd never take coke

469. and throw an iPad out of the window.

470. - Yes, well, that's just how I roll.

471. Finally I'm the Ferrari,

472. and he's the fucking Volvo.

473. - Mark? Would you like to do something rather naughty?

474. - Oh April!

475. - This is quite naughty

476. - Naughty, naughty.

477. - Blimey, Disabled toilet baby

478. changing shelf the five sexiest words

479. in the English language.

480. Hope my son's okay with Jeremy and the snake.

481. No be in the moment.

482. - I don't want to break the spell

483. but should I make haste to purchase

484. some condoms per chance?

485. - Oh, its fine, it'll be okay.

486. - I wonder what kind of okay.

487. No baby okay or okay we're having a baby.

488. Quite interested but bit rude to ask.

489. - Well that was fun.

490. - That was fun!

491. - And does it mean?

492. - I think it means something

493. - Lovely something

494. - Oh, he's gone totally mental.

495. He's saving money to spend on a never ending court battle.

496. - Jarndyce versus Jarndyce?

497. - Exactly

498. - Ah, April, you are the one.

499. - I was looking for you.

500. Hayley's throwing a wobbly.

501. - Oh shit.

502. I'll let them take care outside for some fresh air.

503. Hayley?

504. - Where the hell were you?

505. - Well, I,

506. - Come on let's go just outside.

507. - We, we just did it in the disabled loo.

508. - Mark! You are on fire today.

509. - Shall I alert all the other women in here

510. in case you try and hump them or move in with them?

511. So, what are you thinking with Sophie?

512. - April.

513. It's gotta be April

514. - Exactly.

515. - Me and Sophie and Ian, it was a crazy scheme.

516. It would probably do him so much harm,

517. living between warring parents.

518. - That's the line.

519. Yeah, do what you want mate,

520. shovel the kid into the kid pit.

521. - Better call Sophie,

522. see if she minds picking up Ian later from the flat.

523. Where is he?

524. - Dunno

525. - I thought you were keeping an eye on him.

526. - I'm not a professional childminder, Mark.

527. Anyway, I probably don't have a high enough IQ.

528. - The least you could do is keep an eye on Ian while I

529. - Hump someone else's wife in the disabled toilet?

530. I'm not a member of your entourage, Mark.

531. - Ian, Ian.

532. - Ooh, Mark mate, something wonky this way comes.

533. Good luck

534. - Oh fuck, she's not here.

535. We never talked.

536. The deal never happened.

537. - Have you been?

538. Have you had a drink?

539. - Why am I not allowed to?

540. Mark's booze patrol?

541. - She's just loves wine.

542. - I had a ding-dong with Duncan.

543. And he's off to Alison with her little fuck-me Mazda..

544. - Oh

545. - But I don't have a fucking Mazda.

546. Sorry I've got a fucking Micra.

547. I've made my decision.

548. Dad might think its' mental.

549. Everyone might think it's mental.

550. - It' definitely mental.

551. - Look why don't I call you a cab

552. and you can go home

553. and then we can have a big chat

554. about everything later, yeah?

555. - Ah, cool your heels,

556. Let's have a coffee

557. - No, Soph, I need to find Ian.

558. I should never have left him with Jez.

559. - Ian, Ian!

560. - Oh for God's sake relax.

561. It's not like he's on the M25.

562. - Ian?

563. - Oh this is murder on my back.

564. - You know what Duncan's a prick.

565. Fuck him.

566. - The naughty lady likes funny words

567. cos she's feeling funny.

568. Have you seen a little boy?

569. - Mark, you're freaking him out.

570. - He's not answering.

571. Why aren't you answering?

572. What have you done with him?

573. Ian

574. - I like you, Mark.

575. But I don't love you.

576. I hate you.

577. - Noted.

578. Oh, this is a disaster.

579. What's if he hurt himself?

580. - No, you show me a sharp corner.

581. - What if he's wandered out through an emergency exit?

582. - No, they'll lock them all.

583. - They lock the emergency exit,

584. what if there's a fire?

585. Oh, Christ!

586. - (grunts) I'm going to have a little lie down Mark.

587. I'm tired.

588. - Okay, you have a lie down in the ball pit.

589. I'll find Ian and then we'll have a big chat

590. about everything.

591. - A big chat during which

592. I'll reverse out of our agreement

593. as elegantly as a man backing his car

594. into the entire peloton of the Tour de France.

595. - So, look, I spoke to Molly, You know

596. she thinks you're a dong,

597. slippery, like a real sketchy fucker.

598. - Well, I think she's a small minded,

599. two faced buzz-killing machine.

600. - But she said I needed to man up,

601. have the credit changed.

602. - She's decent though, she is

603. I've always said that.

604. - So I made the call.

605. - Oh, wow! Thanks man you put me on!

606. Amazing, they found some more web space then?

607. - Yeah, yeah, they must have,

608. deleted some old photos isn't it?

609. - And, have you been back to your flat since we spoke?

610. Just out of interest.

611. - No, why?

612. - I kind of broke in,

613. looking for evidence and I sort of killed your fish.

614. - You killed Flop?

615. Jesus Christ!

616. - Yeah

617. - Flop was one of the good guys man.

618. He was old school.

619. - I know. I'm sorry.

620. I always liked Flop.

621. And there's one other thing I did

622. that I shouldn't have.

623. - Not Flip as well?

624. - No,

625. No.

626. I feel bad about this but I took

627. oh fuck

628. - What?

629. - I took

630. this

631. - Er, it's fine.

632. - Well no

633. - They cost money

634. and the bottom line is

635. Where's the fucking snake?

636. - It's your bag and I stole it

637. and I feel

638. - where the fuck is he

639. - incredibly ashamed of that.

640. - Oh, no worries dude

641. - Oh, I've lost my child.

642. I'm such a terrible, terrible human

643. in every single respect.

644. - Hans, just caved. We won

645. - Oh, good

646. - Only downside is the snake escaped.

647. - What?

648. - I can't believe it would do that.

649. So sneaky

650. - Yeah.

651. Who could believe a snake would be so duplicitous?

652. They're so famously reliable snakes.

653. - The good news is,

654. I googled it and it's totally not venomous.

655. - So reassuring.

656. - What are you doing?

657. - It's Ian.

658. I can't find him anywhere.

659. So many bloody kids.

660. I need to somehow get them all cleared out.

661. Maybe shout fire or I could tell the staff

662. that you were a famous paedo.

663. That would clear the place like Jaws at the beach.

664. - A famous paedo?

665. - What? You're very famous and easy about labels.

666. You don't mind a bit of a bad boy rep.

667. I'll need to talk to Sophie.

668. - I think she might be balls deep.

669. - Soph?

670. She's out cold.

671. Oh God April!

672. She can't see my sort of wife

673. who I've sort of agreed to get back together with

674. and is sort of a total fucking mess.

675. - I mean, you could

676. - Bury the body?

677. - I was gonna say wake her up and get her a coffee

678. but Shallow ball grave?

679. - She's pretty much already buried.

680. - Well, don't fuck about

681. if you're gonna bury her bury her.

682. - This is fine.

683. It's just a nice multicolored siesta.

684. Okay, good.

685. This is good.

686. Bury Sophie, find Ian, leave with April.

687. - Do you think she'll be able to breathe in her grave?

688. - Of course, the air holes are numerous.

689. - Okay, just push her down.

690. It's poking up a bit

691. - Just need to weigh her down more.

692. - There we go. She's gone.

693. She's gone Mark.

694. You're cool.

695. Hey Mark, there's Ian.

696. - Great! Although,

697. do you think he witnessed the burial?

698. - Eh!

699. - He looks Okay.

700. That's right son, push it all down.

701. My pension can go on therapy.

702. - Hey there, little buddy

703. - Hey Mark

704. - Hi

705. - Hayley was fine

706. but she was babbling something about a snake.

707. - Oh God, well let's get the hell out of here.

708. Back to mine for a wine?

709. - Yeah, okay, why not?

710. Mark, I just want to say,

711. I'm really pleased I came to see you.

712. Very pleased.

713. - Me too, April. Me too

714. - Mark?

715. There's a, there's a - wha

716. - Oh God

717. - That's fine I imagine (Sophie babbles)

718. probably some (Sophie babbles)

719. funny buried clown.

720. - I should have used some more balls.

721. - What?

722. Mark Why did you bury me?

723. - I didn't bury you.

724. - If you don't want to move in after all,

725. you don't have to bury me,

726. just send a fucking text.

727. - Mark?

728. - It's okay. Probably been in there for months.

729. Just some kind of homeless ball pit witch.

730. - It doesn't feel quite right

731. leaving a snake in a child's soft play area.

732. - Burying your wife alive

733. it just has such an unfortunate ring.

734. - May be we should leave a note.

735. - Saying?

736. - Sorry

737. Snake?

738. - Hmm