1. Nothing from Dobby since
Christmas.Copy !req
2. I want to call again but,
when I leave long messages, I
have this nagging senseCopy !req
3. that I'll end up hearing them
played back to me in a court
of law.Copy !req
4. Oh, don't stress it, man.Copy !req
5. We're gonna have New Year's
Dude, Darty style.Copy !req
6. Remember that time we were
coming back from Cinderella'sCopy !req
7. and Pedge put his pants over
the taxi driver's head and he
couldn't see a thing?Copy !req
8. That would have been more
hilarious had I not been
weeping with fear.Copy !req
9. Come on, man, shake your
booty.Copy !req
10. Tonight even Paxman's out
hoovering up lines of crank
off Krishnan Guru-Murthy.Copy !req
11. - Tonight's the big one.
- All rational people agree
it's a truth self-evidentCopy !req
12. that it's impossible to have
a good time on New Year's Eve.
The pressure's too immense.Copy !req
13. All I want to do is go to
Johnson's, find Dobby and sort
everything out.Copy !req
14. OK, we'll go to Johnson's as
a stomach liner, a seat warmerCopy !req
15. - but, then I'm taking you on
a poonani hunt!
- No, Jez.Copy !req
16. - Come on, man. Dobby's gone.
Zahra's gone.Copy !req
17. It's not about the bitches,
it's all about the Hitches.Copy !req
18. The Hitches? You think we're
Peter and Christopher Hitchens
on a big night out?Copy !req
19. And I suppose I have to be
Peter.Copy !req
20. Zahra!Copy !req
21. - I was in the area, thought
I might pop by.
- Yeah?Copy !req
22. That's the kind of bullshit
I come up with. She still
likes me!Copy !req
23. Or does she? I need
evidence, I need confirmation.
Quick. OK, here goes.Copy !req
24. Jez!Copy !req
25. Sorry, that was probably
totally inappropriate.Copy !req
26. It's just, sometimes, the
scent of a woman...Copy !req
27. OK, the truth is, I came here
to tell you that Ben and me,
we're finished.Copy !req
28. I... I found out he slept with
someone else.Copy !req
29. God. Who would have sex with
Ben?Copy !req
30. Apart from you, obviously.Copy !req
31. He said he only did it cos he
was missing me so much,Copy !req
32. - but I'd only gone out to
see a film.
- Jesus!Copy !req
33. I know. So I started
thinking...Copy !req
34. We really had something, you
and me. We're the same, a bit.Copy !req
35. Half a tub of cookie dough...Copy !req
36. And two films by Francois
Truffaut.Copy !req
37. I will never know what that
means.Copy !req
38. So I was wondering... and this
is completely crazy,Copy !req
39. but what would you think
about moving in with me?Copy !req
40. OK, wow!Copy !req
41. Don't say yes too quick.
Don't say yes too quick.Copy !req
42. Yes!Copy !req
43. Cos I really, really like
you, Jez.Copy !req
44. And Ben's going to stop
paying my rent.Copy !req
45. And I think we just click.
And we can do a direct debit,
or whatever!Copy !req
46. Sure. I mean, Ben will
definitely fire me, but I'll
just get another job.Copy !req
47. I could easily start my own
music merchandise website.Copy !req
48. I'm gonna get a laptop, so...
yeah, sorted.Copy !req
49. I'm moving in! I'm going to
be the boyfriend who pays
rent!Copy !req
50. I'm her rent boy... but not
sucking cock in a phone box,Copy !req
51. eating pussy on a tumble
dryer!Copy !req
52. Fancy dress. It's like a joke
for people with no sense of
humor.Copy !req
53. Hello? Oh, hi, Ben.Copy !req
54. So, listen, dude, listen...Copy !req
55. You know how women, when they
live together,Copy !req
56. their periodicals start
arriving at the same timeCopy !req
57. and how dogs come to look
like their owners?Copy !req
58. Well, I really wouldn't want
that to happen to us,Copy !req
59. so it actually looks like I'm
going to be moving out.Copy !req
60. Are you..? Has Super Hans
been talking about his kibbutz
idea again?Copy !req
61. I can assure you the State of
Israel will not allow a
"kibbutz for hotties".Copy !req
62. No, Zahra's split up with
Ben, and she's asked me to
move in with her.Copy !req
63. Oh. Right. Wow!Copy !req
64. This is very abrupt.Copy !req
65. It might have been nice to
not take me to the Spaghetti
HouseCopy !req
66. and buy me a carbonara, but
at least... you know.Copy !req
67. Dude, man, it's no biggie,
you and me. It was a phase.Copy !req
68. - Bada bing, bada bye.
- Bada bing, bada bye?Copy !req
69. All things pass, you know?
We're born, we live, we die.Copy !req
70. Plus Zahra's getting a 3-D
TV, so it all makes sense, if
you think about it.Copy !req
71. Right, good. Ahem.
Congratulations.Copy !req
72. Johnson. Alan Johnson.Copy !req
73. Wish I'd come as Bond,
instead of a fisherman from
not even a film.Copy !req
74. Wet suit. The full Bond. I'm
scuba diving again.Copy !req
75. Thank you, direct marketing.Copy !req
76. What have you come as? Techno
hippy street bum?Copy !req
77. I'm not actually wearing a
costume, Alan, so the joke's
on you.Copy !req
78. Yes, I knew that, so the
joke's on you.Copy !req
79. Well, I didn't realize you
knew that, so it can't have
been a very good joke.Copy !req
80. Happy New Year.Copy !req
81. So, listen. Really weird one.Copy !req
82. Apparently a guy from Time
Out magazine turned up at
Ben's partyCopy !req
83. and Ben says he wants to talk
to me about publishing a
booklet on my blog posts.Copy !req
84. Your alphabetical lists of
French films?Copy !req
85. - He thinks they're seminal.
- Mm-hm.Copy !req
86. Don't you think there's a
chanceCopy !req
87. that Ben might be trying
to... reel you in? I'm not
saying you're a fish.Copy !req
88. - Don't you think they're
good lists?
- Oh, they're great lists.Copy !req
89. They're... long lists. Maybe
they do want to publish them.Copy !req
90. Exactly. It's too big to
miss. See you
later... housemate.Copy !req
91. Ugh. Day one and the
housemate gets dicked over.Copy !req
92. So... pretty good numbers.
Nailed a lot of the key
players.Copy !req
93. - Liam Kendrick in the house!
- Hey!Copy !req
94. So are you still pissed off
with Big Suze?Copy !req
95. What? Fuck you. Why would I
even be?Copy !req
96. - What a stupid thing to say,
Mark.
- Sorry.Copy !req
97. If poor little bitch girl
wants to have a spoiler party
all over my housewarming,Copy !req
98. - why would I even give a
shit? Huh? Why?
- I don't know.Copy !req
99. Me neither. So, let's grab
you a cool can of Kronie and a
bag of nuts.Copy !req
100. Or an ice cold, long-necked
Bud. Hubba-bubba!Copy !req
101. - Alan, are you still...?
- Oh, yeah. Appletise. Five
years, clean and serene.Copy !req
102. Just cos you're looking at
some tittiesCopy !req
103. doesn't mean you have to suck
on the nip-nips, right?Copy !req
104. Thanks, Alan. I'll get stuck
into that later.Copy !req
105. Oh, come on, Mark! A Beck's,
a simple Beck's.Copy !req
106. Up on the South Downs, a
haversack full of Beck's?
That's the dream, ain't it?Copy !req
107. I want to keep a clear head
for when I talk to Dobby.Copy !req
108. Do you think she might be
here soon?Copy !req
109. I don't know, Mark. We've
been over this. She might pop
in.Copy !req
110. Mmm. Cold white wine. Ain't
that fine?Copy !req
111. Hmm. He's conned me to his
party.Copy !req
112. cos it's hard to take a legal
position on "might pop in".Copy !req
113. Anyone might pop in: Jeffrey
Archer, Hugo Chavez, Skinner
and Baddiel.Copy !req
114. - Aye-aye, Captain Birdseye!Copy !req
115. What have you caught? Some
mackerel?Copy !req
116. Sexual herpes from bumming a
tramp?Copy !req
117. Your insults are absorbed by
the theoretical levity of the
costume.Copy !req
118. So come on, then. Is it true,
Mark, that you've had your
dick in the Dob?Copy !req
119. You might say that, but I
couldn't possibly comment.Copy !req
120. What? Have you, Mark, had
your dick in the Dob?Copy !req
121. OK, yes. Yes, yes, I've had
my dick in the Dob.Copy !req
122. So what's an average night
in?Copy !req
123. You sit around reading
Superman comics, sucking each
other's cocks?Copy !req
124. - Just grin and take it.
- I guess.Copy !req
125. - She's a freak, isn't she?
- But what kind of freak?Copy !req
126. Is she a manimal, or a
bestselling Flanimal, would
you say?Copy !req
127. Does he want an answer?Copy !req
128. I guess she's more of
a... manimal than a... Flanimal.Copy !req
129. Do you hear that, Dobs?Copy !req
130. I'm a manimal?Copy !req
131. I don't even know what a
manimal is.Copy !req
132. He's a shape-shifting crime
fighter, Mark.Copy !req
133. You've had your dick in the
Dob? Fucking hell!Copy !req
134. Dobby! Wait! Where are you
going?Copy !req
135. I dunno, maybe Super Hans'?Copy !req
136. Somewhere where people won't
slag me off behind my back.Copy !req
137. It was just party chat. I was
only being horrible about you
to ease things along.Copy !req
138. You're such a dick.Copy !req
139. Look, I owe you a massive
apology for just now, and...Copy !req
140. Is that my baby?Copy !req
141. .. and for Christmas, and...Copy !req
142. Mark, are you getting bored
of your own apology?Copy !req
143. I'm sorry... and...Copy !req
144. - It bloody is my baby. Is it?
- And what?Copy !req
145. Sorry, it's just that I
recognize...Copy !req
146. See you around, dickwad.Copy !req
147. No, Dobs, I...Copy !req
148. My baby. Is... is that mad?Copy !req
149. Has he followed me here in a
desperate plea for attention?Copy !req
150. Or am I man-handling a
random humanoid?Copy !req
151. Mark, is he all right?Copy !req
152. He fell out of his basket. I
rescued him.Copy !req
153. From the soft carpet where he
was asleep?Copy !req
154. What if someone with clogs on
had come in out of their faceCopy !req
155. and marched around the room
like a horse, or, you know,
anything?Copy !req
156. He was sleeping, Mark. I had
to go upstairs and talk to my
brother.Copy !req
157. He's actually having a really
hard time.Copy !req
158. He even posted some pictures
of his scrotum on Facebook,
so...Copy !req
159. - I'm just saying that the
situation looks perilous.
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
160. Great. Dobby's gone and I'm
left with my ex, who despises
me, and my son,Copy !req
161. who probably thinks Jeff's
his dad, while I'm just some
mad, landlocked fisherman.Copy !req
162. - There ain't no party like a
Super Hans party!
- Only if Dobby's here.Copy !req
163. Let the poonani hunt
commence!Copy !req
164. The hunt for poonani? I
thought you were moving in
with Zahra.Copy !req
165. Exactly. I've made a firm
commitment.Copy !req
166. We're practically getting
married, so this is basically
my stag do. Free pass.Copy !req
167. If Dobby's here, I need to
make it up with a gesture,
something extraordinary.Copy !req
168. I could offer to marry her.Copy !req
169. Always the marrying with you,
isn't it?Copy !req
170. - Super Hans!Copy !req
171. Jez, man.Copy !req
172. Wow, it is rocking out.Copy !req
173. Are you, OK, dude?Copy !req
174. Yeah, yeah. It's just... in
there. Fuck, man.Copy !req
175. - Tasty?
- Why would people want to do
that shit? Why even go there?Copy !req
176. You told me it was going to
be a chilled one, Jeremy.Copy !req
177. You assured me that he'd made
a huge lemon meringue pie.Copy !req
178. I don't know what to think. I
have seen through the eye of
the needle.Copy !req
179. I've seen it. I've finally
bloody seen it!Copy !req
180. I've pulled open the hurt
locker and had a big old
rummage round.Copy !req
181. Let's go in.Copy !req
182. - Didn't you hear what he
just said?
- It sounds fun.Copy !req
183. - No, it doesn't. It sounds
terrifying.
- Let's get in there!Copy !req
184. It's the heart of darkness,
Jez. It's the fucking dirt.Copy !req
185. I don't want to go into the
heart of darkness.Copy !req
186. Come on, dude! Sometimes
you've gotta flip the switch,Copy !req
187. lift the rock and look what's
underneath, cos it's not
always woodlice.Copy !req
188. Look, if that party is too
much for Hans, the...Copy !req
189. Excuse me, Hans. .. the
crack-addled maniac,Copy !req
190. I'm pretty confident it'll be
too much for me.Copy !req
191. Hans, is Dobby in there, do
you know?Copy !req
192. She swung by, but she
couldn't hack the hate.Copy !req
193. - I think she pissed off to
Big Suze's.
- Bloody hell.Copy !req
194. I'm going to write this place
off, send someone in there
tomorrowCopy !req
195. with some disinfectant and a
flamethrower.Copy !req
196. I've got my sleeping bag, I
don't want to know.Copy !req
197. - How was it?
- Fine. Let's go.Copy !req
198. - What?
- I don't want to talk about
it, alright?Copy !req
199. I just want a cup of tea and
some soda bread and a sit-down
somewhere quiet.Copy !req
200. What's going on in there? Are
they... doing it?Copy !req
201. Yes, Mark, that's right.
They're "doing it".Copy !req
202. You really have no
imagination whatsoever, do
you?Copy !req
203. - Well, what are they doing,
then?
- Don't worry about them,Copy !req
204. because they sure as hell
aren't worrying about you.Copy !req
205. - Let's just go. Hans?
- Yep! Fuck, yeah. Let's go.Copy !req
206. - Big Suze's?
- I don't mind where, long as
it's safe.Copy !req
207. I just want to be in a
controlled environment.Copy !req
208. Have a coke and a tuna
sandwich, just mong out to
some Snow Patrol.Copy !req
209. Great, Super Hans in
the sidecar (!)Copy !req
210. Who's the chick?Copy !req
211. That's no a chick, man,
that's the love of my life.Copy !req
212. Wow! What does she...?Copy !req
213. I don't know much about her.
She don't speak English.Copy !req
214. We speak the language of
love. And a tiny little bit of
German.Copy !req
215. - Right.
- I tell you, man, she is the
one.Copy !req
216. I'd take a bullet for her.Copy !req
217. - I'd take a bullet up the
'arris for her.
- That's nice.Copy !req
218. I'd take a fucking truncheon
up the 'arris for this one.Copy !req
219. Or an umbrella. I would open
an umbrella up inside my
'arris for this one.Copy !req
220. Hans, we get the message.Copy !req
221. Probably no need to list all
the things you'd put up bottom
for your girlfriend.Copy !req
222. Can't believe he's actually
moving out.Copy !req
223. I'm going to be an
unemployed, single mother
stuck in the flatCopy !req
224. eating Frosties from a salad
bowl until I die from
loneliness.Copy !req
225. Two weeks later they break
down the doorCopy !req
226. to find Ian sucking on my
cold, dead teats.Copy !req
227. Hey, Mark. I think Super
Hans's girlfriend fancies me.Copy !req
228. Why? Because you've got your
poonani jeans on?Copy !req
229. In the fried chicken place,
she bit off half a chicken
drummerCopy !req
230. and then gave the rest to me.Copy !req
231. - Right. So?
- The symbolism? The drummer's
my dick.Copy !req
232. Look, just because for some
reason you associate a chicken
drumstick with your penis,Copy !req
233. doesn't mean that anyone was
flirting with you.Copy !req
234. - She definitely was.
- She gave you some food.Copy !req
235. When you sneak chunks of my
Cathedral City cheddar,Copy !req
236. is that you taking slices off
my dick?Copy !req
237. - So, listen, I'm going to
ask Dobby to move in with me.
- I'm sorry?Copy !req
238. I've been thinking and I need
to make the gesture and...Copy !req
239. you know, maybe this is the
kick up the ass we both need.Copy !req
240. I could turn your room into
an office.Copy !req
241. Finally nail Business Secrets
Of The Pharaohs.Copy !req
242. Right. OK, man. Yeah.Copy !req
243. Good on you. Because,
obviously, we've always been
amazing mates,Copy !req
244. but, also, a bit like lead
weights dragging each other
down.Copy !req
245. Exactly. Living together,
it's been like eating a vast
portion of chips.Copy !req
246. Very comforting, but also
there's this lurking sense
you're killing yourself.Copy !req
247. - Right?
- Too right. We're moving on!Copy !req
248. Dobby can watch the
History Channel with himCopy !req
249. and pretend to know the
difference between all the
black-and-white dudes.Copy !req
250. Good luck, Zahra. I
hope you know how to add salt
to your dishwasherCopy !req
251. because Jeremy will never,
ever, ever be helping you.Copy !req
252. What should I do if Dobby
says no about moving in?Copy !req
253. Don't take no for an answer,
dude.Copy !req
254. You want the knack, Mark,
with women?Copy !req
255. Well... yes, I suppose I do.Copy !req
256. - Want the knack, get smack.
- Smack?Copy !req
257. - Get smacked out of it, then
you'll get the ladies.
- Really?Copy !req
258. - Maybe.
- Right? I'm not sure I...Copy !req
259. Yeah, I just love smack.Copy !req
260. I'm probably not the right
man to ask. Anyway, I'm out
the game now.Copy !req
261. When I first set eyes on this
one, it was like my first
joint.Copy !req
262. Like my first Bowie track.Copy !req
263. Like my first Ruth Rendell.Copy !req
264. I just knew. We both did,
didn't we, sweetheart?Copy !req
265. Yeah.Copy !req
266. Yup, she fancies me, I knew it.Copy !req
267. He thinks he's Romeo. He's
not, he's an armrest.Copy !req
268. I told you. Yoko's hot for
me.Copy !req
269. That was a balancing hand,
not an erotic hand.Copy !req
270. I've pulled the balancing
hand a million times.Copy !req
271. She could have put that hand
anywhere and yet it ends up
inches from my Dirty Harry.Copy !req
272. - Coincidence?
- Yes.Copy !req
273. If we're going to name his
cock after a Clint Eastwood
film, it's The Unforgiven.Copy !req
274. I do feel a bit weird about
this. Big Suze has invited
everyone except us.Copy !req
275. You know why, it's cos I sent
her those... objects.Copy !req
276. It's fine, Jeremy. Everyone
sends an ex the odd... object.Copy !req
277. It's a natural part of
breaking up.Copy !req
278. Mark. Jeremy. Super Hans.Copy !req
279. And... a woman. You're all
here.Copy !req
280. Gosh. Have you come straight
from the harbor?Copy !req
281. - It's fancy dress.
- How fancy.Copy !req
282. And Jeremy, do you want to
pick up any of the Plasticine
models you sentCopy !req
283. of you and I doing
such-and-such?Copy !req
284. Yeah, sorry about that, Suze,
I was feeling very...Copy !req
285. - Look, if you like, we can
all just...
- You must come in for a bit.Copy !req
286. Oh, and look, you've brought
us some... almost champagne.Copy !req
287. I'll tell you what, I'll put
it thereCopy !req
288. and if, for any reason, we
don't get around to drinking
it tonight,Copy !req
289. you can take it back with
you! Yes?Copy !req
290. Right, Suze, I need a
smoke-out. Want to watch me
roll up a four-skin?Copy !req
291. I'll tell you where you might
like it, Hans, out in the
garden.Copy !req
292. Yes?Copy !req
293. - Suze, do you know, is Dobby
here?
- Hmm, not sure.Copy !req
294. There are an awful lot of
what I'm sure you won't mind
me calling "your types" here!Copy !req
295. Since you've been so clever
and made it hereCopy !req
296. without an invitation card or
anything, would you mind being
total stars and helping out?Copy !req
297. Is that all right?Copy !req
298. So... that's for you.
And... yes?Copy !req
299. Listen, once you've done a
couple of rounds, please feel
free to sit downCopy !req
300. and have a very quick drink.
OK? Thanks.Copy !req
301. Okay Dobby. I'm gonna
find you and I'm gonna feed you.Copy !req
302. I was never any good
as Suze's boyfriend.Copy !req
303. I should have been her butler
all along.Copy !req
304. - Are you the turds in the
punch bowl?
- Sorry?Copy !req
305. - I heard a couple of
wetbacks had snuck in?
- Yeah, that's probably us.Copy !req
306. Hello. She's looking at me.
Maybe I should...Copy !req
307. Why not? Zahra hasn't
phoned, texted or E-mailed for
two hours.Copy !req
308. She's basically instructing
me to have sex with a random
woman.Copy !req
309. Where's Dobby? You aren't
Dobby.Copy !req
310. You aren't Dobby. Even you
aren't Dobby.Copy !req
311. Thought I'd bagged the
trainspotter in the red coat
with the nice norks.Copy !req
312. - Dobby?
- She called me a trouserhead
and fucked off to some party.Copy !req
313. - Hello. A lead.
- What, the Crofton Road do?Copy !req
314. A few of Alan's hangers-on
have gone to that. Good
riddance.Copy !req
315. Of course. Gerard's party.Copy !req
316. I've tracked her down, like
Bin Laden in his cave.Copy !req
317. Now I can move in for the
grisly kill!Copy !req
318. OK, let's crank up the
flirtathon,Copy !req
319. using a language I think
she'll understand.Copy !req
320. Yoko oh-no? Or Yoko oh-yes?Copy !req
321. Mm-hm. OK. Let's see if I
can move it up a level.Copy !req
322. My hands are speaking sexy
Esperanto.Copy !req
323. - Hold on. Zahra?Copy !req
324. Oh, shit, it's the love of
my life.Copy !req
325. Hey, Zahra.Copy !req
326. - Mark, could you get that?
- Fuck you.Copy !req
327. - Of course!
- Great. Thanks.Copy !req
328. Sure, I'll get it, but the
serfs are revolting.Copy !req
329. I'm storming out of the
Winter Palace,Copy !req
330. like the looniest Bolshevik
in Petrograd!Copy !req
331. - Mark?
- Oh, shit.Copy !req
332. Of course. "Went to get some
more booze."Copy !req
333. We got waylaid, Alan. We
thought we saw a badger and...Copy !req
334. It's OK, Mark. It's fine.Copy !req
335. I admit defeat. Suze wins,
OK?Copy !req
336. - What?
- Isn't it like kryptonite?
Won't it kill you?Copy !req
337. I'm not going to drink it,
Mark. I'll just take a sniff,
for old times' sake.Copy !req
338. More fool you, asshole!Copy !req
339. Suze.Copy !req
340. I spoke to Zahra. Ben tried
it on with her.Copy !req
341. We're gonna pick her up, I
need to take her somewhere
cool.Copy !req
342. - I think I have just the
place.
- Right, let's do one.Copy !req
343. Some bloke asked Yoko for her
number and I pushed a fucking
crayfish up his schnoz.Copy !req
344. Hmm. Is there any more
tartare sauce?Copy !req
345. Oh, I'm sorry, I'm afraid
I've left it all in George
Osborne's ball-sack.Copy !req
346. Tell you what, why don't you
nip upstairs, wank him off and
dip it in that?Copy !req
347. Let's go, before we get
fired.Copy !req
348. So, Ben took me to this
cloakroom to wait for the Time
Out guy.Copy !req
349. And we waited for ages, and
then Ben tries it on with me!Copy !req
350. - Oh, the shit!
- I'm so pissed off,Copy !req
351. cos now the Time Out guy's
gonna arrive in the cloakroom
and I'm not gonna be there.Copy !req
352. Would've been a fucking long
wait.Copy !req
353. This is it?Copy !req
354. We heard a rumor that The
Monkees might be playing.Copy !req
355. Gorillaz, Mark. Gorillaz, not
The Monkees. Jesus!Copy !req
356. - Ticket?
- Five tickets, please.Copy !req
357. - Hello.
- Gerard.Copy !req
358. I'm afraid tickets are only
available in advance.Copy !req
359. For fuck's sake, Gandalf,
it's not exactly the Viper
Room.Copy !req
360. This is a private party for
role-players and affiliates ofCopy !req
361. the International Fantasy
Gaming Society.Copy !req
362. - Come on, Gerard, it's me!
- I wish I could help, but I
can't.Copy !req
363. - It's fine by me.
- It's fine by him.Copy !req
364. My hands are tied. Close the
gate, Raymond.Copy !req
365. The sickly prince has locked
Dobby in his castleCopy !req
366. and the gate's guarded by
his troll.Copy !req
367. - How far down does this go?
Can't be very far.
- She's here.Copy !req
368. Dobby!Copy !req
369. Maybe we should just accept
defeat, resign ourselves to a
bit of Jools Holland?Copy !req
370. No! Not the Hootenanny. Never
the Hootenanny.Copy !req
371. We're better than that. We
are going to this party.Copy !req
372. Come on, Mark. Scrabble. Help
me scrabble.Copy !req
373. It's not long till the bongs!Copy !req
374. These are surprisingly
effective sort of
spade-scrapers.Copy !req
375. I know! Hey, Zahra, try and
find some tarpaulinCopy !req
376. or some rags to wrap yourself
up in for when you want to
scramble under.Copy !req
377. - Do you really think Martin
Amis is going to be here?
- He might pop in.Copy !req
378. That's what I heard. He might
pop in.Copy !req
379. Shit. She's finger-blabbing.
Her hands are singing like a
canary.Copy !req
380. Mark? What the hell are you
doing?Copy !req
381. Er, just... just tunneling in.Copy !req
382. - Have you been following me?
- Tracking and digging.Copy !req
383. Like a faithful hound!Copy !req
384. I'm burying my dignity in
this small hole.Copy !req
385. - Do you want a hand?
- Oh, my God, she's smiling.Copy !req
386. She's giving me a hand.
She's not shooting me with a
sniper rifle,Copy !req
387. she's helping me tunnel to
freedom and start a new life
in the West!Copy !req
388. Stop! Cease and desist!Copy !req
389. - You stay where you belong.
- Oh, don't be a dick!Copy !req
390. - Gerard, let him in.
- Hey!Copy !req
391. Oi, Jez, what the fuck?Copy !req
392. Yoko says you were giving it
all that at Big Suze's.Copy !req
393. What, Jeremy? Were you?Copy !req
394. God, no. It wasn't sex, you
know, it was just sexy hand
signals.Copy !req
395. Why were you giving her sexy
hand signals?Copy !req
396. I... It was all a
misunderstanding.Copy !req
397. I was in the kitchen, and I
might have done a... like that,
for "OK", yeah,Copy !req
398. and then there were lots of
little sausages around.Copy !req
399. So maybe I put the sausage in
the "OK" to ask,Copy !req
400. "Would you like to put a
sausage in your mouth?"Copy !req
401. See if she wanted to put a
sausage in her mouth,Copy !req
402. - then take it out, then put
it back in again?
- Yeah.Copy !req
403. You know how I feel about
her.Copy !req
404. You're gonna fucking pay for
this!Copy !req
405. It's not my fault she doesn't
speak English.Copy !req
406. This kind of thing probably
happens the whole time at the
UN!Copy !req
407. - See you later, Jeremy.
- But what about the bongs?Copy !req
408. What about the love nest?
We're still OK for the love
nest?Copy !req
409. It's not gonna happen. It's a
no.Copy !req
410. Oh, fuck, she's gone. My
true love. My housing
association!Copy !req
411. Look... Dobby, I know tonight
I've been a real dick-splash.Copy !req
412. '"Dick-splash?" It's not
1989.Copy !req
413. .. but I've had this mad idea
and...Copy !req
414. I don't know, but I just
wondered whether we might have
a real... mad one...Copy !req
415. You, me and Noel Gallagher.Copy !req
416. .. if you... God, I feel
stupid even saying this,
but... moved in with me?Copy !req
417. What, you want to put your
manimal in my Flanimal?Copy !req
418. Yes, I do.Copy !req
419. On a long-term basis.Copy !req
420. Here we go. She's gonna rip
out my heart, like in Temple
Of Doom.Copy !req
421. Fuck it. All right!Copy !req
422. She said yes! I'm moving in
with Dobby.Copy !req
423. I'm king of the world! Must
get some new towels.Copy !req
424. Standing in front of
1,000 glory holes and no-one
but Raymond to suck me off.Copy !req
425. Jez, really not that great in
here, man.Copy !req
426. Are you all right? Where's
Zahra?Copy !req
427. Oh, she's gone. Yeah. I'm not
gonna be moving in with her.Copy !req
428. Oh, wow. No?Copy !req
429. No.Copy !req
430. Did Dobby say yes?Copy !req
431. Yeah. Yeah, Dobby said yes.Copy !req
432. Right.Copy !req
433. Look, I'm sure we can... sort
something out,Copy !req
434. make you a bit of a... nest on
the floor.Copy !req
435. Uh-huh. Yeah, I could sleep
under your desk.Copy !req
436. You could put your feet on me
while you write your book.Copy !req
437. Could be fun, yeah, the three
of us?Copy !req
438. Yeah. Right.Copy !req
439. God, I'll never be shot of
him.Copy !req
440. He doesn't want me.
He wants to move on.Copy !req
441. Although, actually, you know
what,Copy !req
442. it's cool, cos there's
somewhere else I could stay.Copy !req
443. - Oh, yeah?
- Yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna move
in with... Super Hans.Copy !req
444. Yeah, I should've said. He
asked me to move in with him,
so everything's cool.Copy !req
445. Yeah, we're gonna have a
mental blast, you know.Copy !req
446. And he's got that spare
sleeping bag.Copy !req
447. Yeah? Hans' second bag?Copy !req
448. OK, well, if you're sure...Copy !req
449. I think it's time.Copy !req
450. If you insist.Copy !req
451. Ten, nine,
eight...Copy !req
452. - Look, I... I'd better...
- Yeah.Copy !req
453. .. five, four,
three, two, one. Happy New
Year!Copy !req
454. - Is he gonna be OK?Copy !req
455. He's gonna be fine. He's
moving into Super Hans' party
pad.Copy !req
456. They're gonna have the time
of their lives.Copy !req
457. - Argh! Oof!Copy !req
458. - OK...
- Why did he hit him?Copy !req
459. I think that's just a thing
they do... to see in the new
year.Copy !req
460. Ow! Ow!Copy !req