1. JLB reunion. I've
moved on.Copy !req
2. I'm serving nachos to
assholes.Copy !req
3. God, she's huge. It's like
Alien, if the alien was a
human.Copy !req
4. Hmm, if I had to choose,
would I rather an alien burst
out of my chest quicklyCopy !req
5. or was heaved out of my
vagina slowly?Copy !req
6. - All right, mate?
- Oh, hello, Jeff.Copy !req
7. I smelled burrito, thought it
was you!Copy !req
8. Yes, well, I've showered
actually, but corn oil is
persistent, so...Copy !req
9. Congratulations on the baby.Copy !req
10. Yeah, congratulations on my
millstone.Copy !req
11. And now you know it's a boy,
right? Nice one!Copy !req
12. Right, yeah. What, you've
seen the scan and it has no
penis, just like his father?Copy !req
13. No, Mark, for real. Sophie
said. Did she not tell you?Copy !req
14. - Sophie?
- Aaah... Have I opened your
Chrissie pressie early?Copy !req
15. Sophie, Jeff says... the baby
is a boy-by.Copy !req
16. - Is it a boy-by?
- I did call five times.Copy !req
17. - I left a message, did you
not...?
- Obviously not.Copy !req
18. Shouldn't switch the phone
off as soon as her name comes
up.Copy !req
19. You'll always remember this
moment now, won't you, mate?Copy !req
20. Me and you and Sophie and the
lad.Copy !req
21. He's never going to be a
lad.Copy !req
22. Boy to geek to drone, that's
the Corrigan trajectory.Copy !req
23. Oh, wow! A little male
person. Almost makes it seem
real, doesn't it?Copy !req
24. - It is real.
- Yes, of course. I... I know.Copy !req
25. Totally doesn't feel real.
Maybe about 1% realer now.Copy !req
26. I was hoping to see you
tonight, as I wanted to give
you this.Copy !req
27. - Hate mail, in person?
- It's an early birthday
present.Copy !req
28. Oh, that's very kind of you.
A month-and-a-half early.Copy !req
29. It's... it's... tokens. Is it
book tokens?Copy !req
30. It's vouchers, for driving
lessons.Copy !req
31. An intensive driving course,
five hours a day, seven days,
and then a test at the end.Copy !req
32. Oh, right. Wow!Copy !req
33. - You've always said you'd
like to learn.
- Have I?Copy !req
34. - Plus it will be really
useful once the baby arrives.
- Ah, right, of course.Copy !req
35. Well, that's... really kind,
Soph, thanks.Copy !req
36. She's given herself a taxi
driver for my
not-yet-birthday.Copy !req
37. I've been thinking about
names. Have you?Copy !req
38. Oh, Sophie, it's early doors
yet. We've a month and some
weeks to go.Copy !req
39. I could be in Argentina in a
month. Argentina and a face
transplant?Copy !req
40. I was thinking Tarquin Oliver
Nimrod.Copy !req
41. I like it.Copy !req
42. - Why did you laugh?
- I thought it was a joke.Copy !req
43. - You thought it was a joke
but you like it?
- Tarquin Oliver Nimrod?Copy !req
44. Come on. Give the little
bugger a chance.Copy !req
45. What would you call him?
Mark? Mark Mark Corrigan III?Copy !req
46. No! Of course not. Just
something... normal.Copy !req
47. - What's normal?
- I don't know, Bruce or
something.Copy !req
48. - Bruce?
- No, no... not Bruce.Copy !req
49. - You said Bruce.
- I didn't mean Bruce. Just a
name in that area.Copy !req
50. - Little Bruce?
- No, just a name like Bruce.
Not even that much like Bruce.Copy !req
51. At least if I take the
driving course I'll earn some
naming credit.Copy !req
52. I don't want a child who
sounds like a member of a
decaying European dynasty.Copy !req
53. I'm doing something I
hate, for someone who doesn't
like me,Copy !req
54. in order to drive around
somebody who, as yet, doesn't
even exist.Copy !req
55. I was hoping for a David
Attenborough-type instructor.Copy !req
56. He's more of your
chain-wanking ringtone
fanatic.Copy !req
57. - Um...
- What?Copy !req
58. Oh... OK, if you like, I can
open the window.Copy !req
59. Right, what are you waiting
for?Copy !req
60. Well... shall I just... go?Copy !req
61. That's the general idea.Copy !req
62. Agh! Fuck! My shoulder.
Careful.Copy !req
63. - Are you OK?
- It's dislocated so it hurts
when you drive like a dick.Copy !req
64. - What did you stall for?
- Because I can't drive.Copy !req
65. That's why I'm having a
driving lesson.Copy !req
66. All right, fine. Go again,
easy on the clutch.Copy !req
67. He hasn't even told me which
pedal is which.Copy !req
68. He's assuming an incredible
degree of knowledge.Copy !req
69. Bloody hell, you are
terrible.Copy !req
70. Look, I'm sorry, but... I
can't drive.Copy !req
71. In your career as an
instructor,Copy !req
72. you may get one or two pupils
from failed states like
EritreaCopy !req
73. where they have no licensing
infrastructure but basically
already know how to drive.Copy !req
74. However, I feel I should warn
you that the vast majorityCopy !req
75. are going to be people like
me who can't drive.Copy !req
76. - All right, keep your wig
on. - That's a retro
put-down.Copy !req
77. Or maybe he thinks I really
do wear a wig.Copy !req
78. - Do... do you teach
automatic?Copy !req
79. That's it. I resign. I give
up. No more lessons. The
machines have won.Copy !req
80. I shall take to the hills
and live with the tree folk
people.Copy !req
81. Wow!Copy !req
82. I know. Wow! That was pretty
good... work.Copy !req
83. You were really going at it.Copy !req
84. I just wish that, without
doing a porno,Copy !req
85. there was some way for us to
make financial profitCopy !req
86. out of how good we are at
doing it to each other.Copy !req
87. It's amazing. This whole
nightmare.Copy !req
88. I love you and you love me
and Gail loves me.Copy !req
89. - Shit, everyone loves me.
- And you love me.Copy !req
90. - I'm more in love with you
than I've ever been.
- That is so great.Copy !req
91. And I'm more in love with
Gail than I've ever been.Copy !req
92. Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
93. The only downer is, and I
know you've explained why it
won't,Copy !req
94. but it almost feels as if it
might affect our relationship,Copy !req
95. - you... marrying someone
else.
- Do you think?Copy !req
96. I mean, it's going to be
horrible for me,Copy !req
97. seeing you two tie the
civil-partnership knot.Copy !req
98. Right. Because... obviously
you actually not gonna be
there, so...Copy !req
99. - No?
- Well, too weird, Jez.Copy !req
100. Right.Copy !req
101. Hmm, I guess it is a shame
cos, with the whole Quebec
thing,Copy !req
102. we're probably not going to
see each other, like, hardly
any more times.Copy !req
103. Quebec?Copy !req
104. I did mention the whole
Quebec thing?Copy !req
105. Er, no.Copy !req
106. We're going to house at
Gail's sister's place in
Quebec for a few months.Copy !req
107. I definitely mentioned that,
didn't I?Copy !req
108. I would have remembered if
you'd told me that you're
leaving me to go to Quebec.Copy !req
109. Well, if you say so, but I
think I did.Copy !req
110. Look, we're doing couple of
pre-wedding parties for our
London friends,Copy !req
111. a picnic and then the pub,
why don't you tag along?Copy !req
112. What? Like one of the group,
like one of your fans?Copy !req
113. Forget the picnic, why don't
I just subscribe to updates on
your blog?Copy !req
114. Well, if you like. I just
thought it might be nice.Copy !req
115. I was joking. I'm definitely,
definitely, definitely coming.Copy !req
116. She can't leave me for
Quebec. I'll steal her
passport.Copy !req
117. Steal it, cook it, eat it.Copy !req
118. This is the life. Bit
of Shakey, enormous plate of
chips.Copy !req
119. When Sophie goes into labor,
we'll call a minicab.Copy !req
120. What's the big deal? This is
a much more productive way of
spending four hoursCopy !req
121. than breathing in my
instructor's second-hand
Superking smoke.Copy !req
122. I could write a play in the
time I'll save. What's my play
gonna be about?Copy !req
123. A bloke, a genius,
unrecognized in his own time.Copy !req
124. Mark... Borrigan?Copy !req
125. And he loves, or maybe even
hates, chips.Copy !req
126. What a car crash of a
picnic.Copy !req
127. Gail and Elena's London
friends. Thin gruel.Copy !req
128. They must be half hating
themselves for having to
invite me,Copy !req
129. and half despising me for
turning up.Copy !req
130. Everything's coming together
for the wedding and the trip.
It's exciting.Copy !req
131. Yeah, it is exciting.Copy !req
132. Yeah. I guess it was pretty
"exciting" when they
assassinated JFKCopy !req
133. unless you happened to love
JFK's brain.Copy !req
134. Hey, you know what I fancy? A
row on the lake.Copy !req
135. Elena? Anyone fancy a row on
the lake? Elena?Copy !req
136. - Er, I don't know, Jeremy.
- Come on, it'll be fun.Copy !req
137. - How was the interview?
- I'm sorry?Copy !req
138. The job interview that meant
you couldn't make the
antenatal class.Copy !req
139. Oh, er, yeah. Good. Pretty
good. Fingers crossed.Copy !req
140. Not a total lie. There was
an interview.Copy !req
141. I was interviewing myself for
a job as a playwright, and, by
Jove, I think I got it!Copy !req
142. How was the class? Pretty
gruesome?Copy !req
143. Good, actually. In the end
Jeff came down.Copy !req
144. Jeff? What... Why? To perv at
pictures of ladies
breast-feeding?Copy !req
145. Because I asked him. I felt
weird going on my own.Copy !req
146. Fine. Let him get on with
it.Copy !req
147. I'll be fine with my
high-fat foods, which will
eventually kill me,Copy !req
148. and my play, which is
obviously never gonna happen.Copy !req
149. - We came up with a new name
I really like.
- Oh, yeah?Copy !req
150. What fresh hell? Spock? Mao?
Vandross?Copy !req
151. Yeah, I'm pretty set on
Geoffrey.Copy !req
152. Jeff? As in Jeff, after
Jeff?Copy !req
153. Oh, yeah! Hadn't thought
about that.Copy !req
154. No, it'll be Geoffrey with a
G, not a J, after my Uncle
Geoff.Copy !req
155. God, I've created a father
vacuum and Jeff has rushed in
to fill it, like toxic gas.Copy !req
156. I want my baby back!Copy !req
157. Leave the naming to the baby
momma if I were you. That's
what I did.Copy !req
158. - You have... kids?
- The twins. I'm always going
on about my twins, ain't I?Copy !req
159. I don't think you've ever
mentioned the twins.Copy !req
160. Course I have. The twins. The
fucking twins.Copy !req
161. I'm always on about 'em. I
bloody love them two.Copy !req
162. Here, I've got 'em in me
phone.Copy !req
163. - Oh, hold on. Have I?Copy !req
164. Oh, I'll never forgive Orange
if they've wiped the twins.
Oh, that is...Copy !req
165. That is shitty. Where are the
bloody twins?Copy !req
166. Great kids.Copy !req
167. Bit lazy. Bit on the lazy
side.Copy !req
168. Very rarely pick up the phone
to their old man.Copy !req
169. - How old are they?
- How old? Ooh... Seven or
eight?Copy !req
170. - What's funf in English?
- Five.Copy !req
171. Yeah. They turned funf zwei
years ago.Copy !req
172. So... what, a pair of
eighters, I reckon.Copy !req
173. I bloody love them two.Copy !req
174. Oh, God, is that going to be
me?Copy !req
175. Am I going to be Hans? Super
Mark,Copy !req
176. the crack-smoking Mexican
restaurant waiterCopy !req
177. with a shirt and bow tie,
but no trousers or pants?Copy !req
178. Come on. We can go for a row,
we can have secret rowing-boat
sex.Copy !req
179. Oh, I don't know, Jez. This
is too weird. You're being
really intense.Copy !req
180. Come on, please. It could be
the last time we're alone
together... ever.Copy !req
181. - I can't believe you're just
getting married and going.
- It's weird, isn't it?Copy !req
182. Yes. Weird. That's exactly
the word I was looking for.
It's so weird.Copy !req
183. Weird like, "Come over here
and drop your nuts into this
deep-fat fryer."Copy !req
184. "Oh, OK. Ooh, that's a bit
weird. What a weird sensation.
How weird."Copy !req
185. I'm losing my fucking mind
here!Copy !req
186. I'm sorry, Jez. I didn't
expect it,Copy !req
187. but it turns out that getting
married is really romantic.Copy !req
188. - Room for one more?
- Er, no. Not really. No.Copy !req
189. You know what, why don't you
two go without me, because I'm
not sure I fancy it.Copy !req
190. OK. I love messing about on
boats.Copy !req
191. Erm, actually, you know what,
there is room. Room for all of
us.Copy !req
192. - In the bow, or the stern,
or the quarter... deck.
- Chocks away!Copy !req
193. That's planes, you utter,
utter, terrible, stupid dick.Copy !req
194. Look, Soph, I...Copy !req
195. I just wanted to tell you
that I was going to step up
with the baby.Copy !req
196. - I'm going to do the right
thing.
- Great. That's great.Copy !req
197. The truth is, I'm scared
about the baby. I'm fucking
terrified.Copy !req
198. I can't sleep, and I've got
mouth ulcersCopy !req
199. and that weird stress thing I
get with my elbows.Copy !req
200. And my bowels... Well... you
know how normally I'm like
clockwork?Copy !req
201. - Uh-huh?
- Right now I'm all over the
shop.Copy !req
202. But... the headline is that
I'm doing this,Copy !req
203. I'm driving you in and I'm
wheeling you out.Copy !req
204. That's great, Mark. Cos the
driving, I know it seems like
a little thingCopy !req
205. but to me it feels kind of
big, you know?Copy !req
206. Cos I don't want to go in
with my dad or Jeff or
someone.Copy !req
207. - So, do you reckon you'll
pass this afternoon?
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
208. Only took one lesson and had
to pay to get the clutch
repaired.Copy !req
209. I mean, nothing's guaranteed.
Not in this world.Copy !req
210. Well, it's like a 97% pass
rate if you did all the
lessons.Copy !req
211. Of course I did all the
lessons. What else would I
have been doing?Copy !req
212. Watching the frankly
overrated The Wire on DVD day
after day?Copy !req
213. Right, gotta try. There's
always the slim chanceCopy !req
214. the examiner will pass me
because he's gayCopy !req
215. and inexplicably finds me
super hot.Copy !req
216. It's great to spend some
proper time with you, Jeremy.Copy !req
217. When I first met you, I
thought you were a bit of a
loser.Copy !req
218. Oh, really.Copy !req
219. Now I think you're, you know,
all right.Copy !req
220. Well, that's... great.Copy !req
221. You probably don't know, but
Elena and I have had our ups
and downs.Copy !req
222. It's amazing to think we're
gonna spend the our whole
lives together.Copy !req
223. What can I do? Make a pass
at her? She won't be
interestedCopy !req
224. but it might put a spanner
in the works in a way no-one
can predict.Copy !req
225. - I'm not much of a sailor, I
can't actually swim.
- Really?Copy !req
226. God, it'd be so great if she
just fell in the water.Copy !req
227. A few big bubbles, a few
smaller ones, and then pfff!
Problem gone.Copy !req
228. She definitely said she
can't swim.Copy !req
229. I definitely couldn't push
her in.Copy !req
230. It'd be so much easier if
she wasn't a human being,Copy !req
231. with hopes and dreams and
clinging, grasping arms.Copy !req
232. - Is it cool to swap over
again?
- Yeah, OK.Copy !req
233. Ooh, a bit wobbly. Ooh,
wobbly!Copy !req
234. Oh, shit. Oh, shit! Oh, shit!Copy !req
235. Oh, no, this is terrible!Copy !req
236. I thought she said she
couldn't swim.Copy !req
237. OK, here we go, what's my
plan here? Touch him up?Copy !req
238. Let him touch me up?Copy !req
239. Would either of us enjoy
touching the other one up at
all?Copy !req
240. No, gotta be something else.
Some point of contact.Copy !req
241. He's a Spurs fan. A Spurrer?Copy !req
242. Could go a bit Spurry? Spur
things up?Copy !req
243. Ooh, my knees are killing me.Copy !req
244. They don't give you much room
for maneuver,Copy !req
245. those seats down at the White
Hart ground, do they?Copy !req
246. - Pretty sure that's right.
- If you'd like to start the
vehicle and drive offCopy !req
247. and we'll join the traffic to
our left.Copy !req
248. Uh... OK... here's the thing.Copy !req
249. I can't actually drive.Copy !req
250. However, for personal
reasons, I really, really need
to get a driving license,Copy !req
251. so... I was just wondering
whether there was any chance
at allCopy !req
252. that you could pass me
without taking the test.Copy !req
253. Then I promise that I'll take
the lessons very soonCopy !req
254. and become a competent
driver.Copy !req
255. I... I totally promise.Copy !req
256. And maybe he'll grant me a
Nobel Prize if I promise to
nail cold fusion (!)Copy !req
257. Tomorrow's the big day.Copy !req
258. - Gail gets to marry me and
my wheat intolerance.Copy !req
259. Of course she has a
wheat intolerance.Copy !req
260. She's far too important to
be able to tolerate wheat.Copy !req
261. And, finally, I'd to give a
big shout-out to the hero of
the hour,Copy !req
262. the life-saver, Mr. Jeremy
Osborne.Copy !req
263. - Are you all right?
- Yeah. Fine. Good.Copy !req
264. Listen, Jez, we'd really love
it if you could come down to
the wedding.Copy !req
265. We shuffled it around,
Sophie's going next door to
us.Copy !req
266. There's a spare cottage if
you fancy it.Copy !req
267. - My savior.
Stop going on about
it!'Copy !req
268. Oh, well, er, cheers.Copy !req
269. What?Copy !req
270. You seem to be acting with
almost genuine modesty and
humility.Copy !req
271. I tried to kill her, Mark.Copy !req
272. I think I tried to bloody
drown her.Copy !req
273. What? But you rescued her!Copy !req
274. Why would you rescue her if
you wanted to kill her?Copy !req
275. I was thinking, "I want her
to fall in," and she did fall
in.Copy !req
276. So? I wanted interest rates
to fall to historic lows and
they did.Copy !req
277. That doesn't make me the
Governor of the Bank of
England.Copy !req
278. Who knows what I'm capable
of. I could kill anyone with a
pencil.Copy !req
279. - You really couldn't.
- Oh, God. I'm evil.Copy !req
280. No, Jez, the absolute worst
thing anyone could say about
youCopy !req
281. is that you are a selfish,
moral blank whose lazy
cynicismCopy !req
282. and ironic take on the world
encapsulates everything wrong
with a generation.Copy !req
283. But you, my friend, are not
evil.Copy !req
284. Thanks, man.Copy !req
285. Shit.Copy !req
286. - Hey there.
- How did the driving test go?
- Oh, well...Copy !req
287. Didn't report me for
attempted bribery, so pretty
well.Copy !req
288. Don't worry, mate, you can
always take Soph to the
hospital on your bike.Copy !req
289. - Give her a seatie.
- Get off my patch, Jeff.
Take your flag out of my baby.Copy !req
290. No, it is tough. I mean, I
didn't pass till...Copy !req
291. Actually, come to think of
it, I passed first time.Copy !req
292. Just try to remember not to
get into double figures.Copy !req
293. Well, er, no need, actually,
cos I passed.Copy !req
294. Oh, wow!Copy !req
295. Yes, with flying colors. It
was quite funny, because he
said,Copy !req
296. "You passed with flying
colors,"Copy !req
297. and I was like, "What does
that phrase even mean?"Copy !req
298. He laughed and said, "Well,
with a test score like that,
you should know,"Copy !req
299. and... then we both laughed
and...Copy !req
300. Better put a stop to this
imaginary interchange soon.Copy !req
301. - Yeah, it was great.
- Oh, well done, Mark.
Congratulations!Copy !req
302. Thanks, I'm... I'm really
pleased.Copy !req
303. Month to retake my test.
Can't be that hard.Copy !req
304. Mum drives. The Hamster
drives. Jez drives!Copy !req
305. Gail said you were going to
come down to Hampshire for the
wedding.Copy !req
306. Listen, Soph, can... can I
have a quick word?Copy !req
307. Sure. Let's drive over here.
Brrrm!Copy !req
308. Brrrrm!Copy !req
309. She is a bit adorable. Bit
annoying.Copy !req
310. - Eeeee!
- Right on the cusp.Copy !req
311. So, on the name thing, Soph,Copy !req
312. I'd be basically happy for the
baby to be called... anything
you like, but... Geoff.Copy !req
313. I hadn't thought about the
Geoff/Jeff thing. Might be a
bit weird.Copy !req
314. You're doing your bit with
the driving, maybe I can do
mine.Copy !req
315. Great, Soph. Great.Copy !req
316. Screw you, dickwad! He's my
baby.Copy !req
317. Get your own baby off the
Internet,Copy !req
318. or by impregnating a woman
with your penis, just like I
did.Copy !req
319. Gail and Elena's big
day.Copy !req
320. It's meant to be 30 degrees
today, I'll boil in that
morning suit.Copy !req
321. Ugh, it's great being a
wedding guest, you get to be
an unpaid extraCopy !req
322. in the climactic scene of
someone else's romcom.Copy !req
323. Jeremy, what are you doing?
It six in the bloody morning.Copy !req
324. I'm thinking about Elena and
watching Jaws.Copy !req
325. Have even been to bed? Don't
you think you've had enough to
drink?Copy !req
326. Erm, that's a thoughtful
question.Copy !req
327. Er, no.Copy !req
328. As it happens, I don't think
I've had enough to drink.Copy !req
329. I'm going to carry on
drinking until they catch Jaws
the shark.Copy !req
330. The shark isn't called Jaws,
Jeremy, the film is called
Jaws.Copy !req
331. Of course the shark's called
Jaws. Here comes Jaws.Copy !req
332. Jaws the shark. Mind he
doesn't bite you with his
enormous jaws.Copy !req
333. Anyway, thanks very much,
your phone woke me up.Copy !req
334. You know what I get like if I
don't get my full 83/4 hours.Copy !req
335. Oh, my life, it's a text from
Elena! "Thinking of you."Copy !req
336. She thinking of me, Mark.Copy !req
337. Or, at least she was six
hours ago, with three kisses.Copy !req
338. Oh, my God, this is massive.
I'm going over there.Copy !req
339. Don't be ridiculous. If text
kisses were real kisses, the
world would be an orgy.Copy !req
340. No, it's the day of her
wedding. What are you gonna
do?Copy !req
341. Who knows what I'm capable
of? I mean, I proved that on
the lake.Copy !req
342. - The untalented Mr. Ripley.
- Where's the car keys?
- You're way over the limit.Copy !req
343. - Give me the car keys, Mark.
- No.Copy !req
344. Let's get you driving. I'm
teaching.Copy !req
345. I hate to be negative, but
you drunk off your noggin, me
in my pajamas...Copy !req
346. It doesn't feel like the
ideal time for me to restart
my driving career.Copy !req
347. Hello, I need your best
driver and your fastest car.Copy !req
348. No, two hours is no good, I
need someone immediately.Copy !req
349. OK, well, how about you get
off your great fat anusCopy !req
350. and come and drive me
yourself, you self-important
hick?Copy !req
351. Hello?Copy !req
352. Hello? I retract that last
comment.Copy !req
353. - Hello?Copy !req
354. - Hello?
Hi, Mark?Copy !req
355. - Sophie!
- I'm sorry to call like
this,Copy !req
356. but, er, I think I might be
going into labor.Copy !req
357. Oh, my God! Oh, my God, it's
early!Copy !req
358. You're never early! You're
always late! Always, for... for
everything!Copy !req
359. - It's all right, Mark.
Relax.
- Oh, God. Oh, shit! Oh, God!Copy !req
360. Elena and Gail's car won't
start and we can't get a taxi.Copy !req
361. - Right. No. Shit.
- Gail's gone to find a
mechanic,Copy !req
362. but I really need to get to
the hospital right away, so
would you mind?Copy !req
363. Isn't there anyone else you
can ask?Copy !req
364. - Mark, I need to get to the
hospital, now!
- Erm...Copy !req
365. Sophie's at Elena's cottage.
She's having the bloody baby!Copy !req
366. Well, let's go. Let's do it,
man. Here come the cavalry.Copy !req
367. I'm coming over, Soph. I am
coming over!Copy !req
368. This is perfect. Gail's out,
I'm in.Copy !req
369. Try and focus. I'm going to
need a lot, and I mean a hell
of a lot, of help.Copy !req
370. You'll be fine, Mark. Just
drive.Copy !req
371. - Except not like a dick.
- Not like a dick? That's your
driving instruction?Copy !req
372. Please, Jeremy, I need you to
guide, to... to advise.Copy !req
373. I don't even know about road
signs.Copy !req
374. - What does that one mean?
- I don't know.Copy !req
375. Nobody knows. It's lost
knowledge, like... how the
aliens did the pyramids.Copy !req
376. Slaves did the pyramids,
Jeremy. Thousands and
thousands of slaves!Copy !req
377. God, you're depressing.Copy !req
378. Don't blame me, blame Ramses
II.Copy !req
379. - Shit!Copy !req
380. Oh, fuck off! It's not his
fault he's a dick!Copy !req
381. He's doing his fucking best,
isn't he? Screw you!Copy !req
382. Right, step on it. This could
be my last ever sex window.Copy !req
383. Great. I'm the fifth
emergency service. The sex
ambulance.Copy !req
384. There, you see? You can do
it.Copy !req
385. Very, very slowly, 30 to 40
stalls, one major steering
error,Copy !req
386. bit of me on clutch at the
crossroads when the nasty man
was beeping,Copy !req
387. but you can do it.Copy !req
388. I'm going to nip in there,
persuade her not to get
married,Copy !req
389. convince her I'm the guy for
her, quick bit of
how's-your-father,Copy !req
390. not murder anyone, back in
five, off to the hospital.
Cushty.Copy !req
391. No! No, Jez, absolutely not!
No, stay! You've got to help
me!Copy !req
392. All right, Soph, have a good
one.Copy !req
393. - Hi.
- Oh, God. Oh, God, oh, God,
oh, God.Copy !req
394. - How are you doing, Soph?
- I think I'm having a baby.
OK, let's go.Copy !req
395. Er, yeah, right, OK.
But... should we just
quickly... wait for Jez?Copy !req
396. I'm about to have a baby, we
need to go!Copy !req
397. But Jez will be really pissed
off if he misses it. He's
excited.Copy !req
398. I don't even want Jeremy to
be there, Mark. Let's go!Copy !req
399. Right... Yeah? Really?Copy !req
400. Hmm, kill my unborn child in
a road traffic accident to
save face?Copy !req
401. Doesn't feel great.Copy !req
402. Oh, here comes another one.
Ohh.Copy !req
403. OK, got to tell her, got to
come clean. Take the
humiliation.Copy !req
404. - OK, OK! Go, go! Go, go, go!
- What?Copy !req
405. Gail. She's coming back. We
need to get out of here, pedal
to the metal!Copy !req
406. No need to shout!Copy !req
407. You've fucking stalled!Copy !req
408. - Shouting will not make me a
better driver, Jeremy.
- Fucking go!Copy !req
409. If Gail sees me here,
everything's finished. Just
go.Copy !req
410. - They're having an affair.
- Oh, right.Copy !req
411. - It's complicated.
- Go, go, fucking go!Copy !req
412. I've stalled again. And do
know why? Because I'm nervous.Copy !req
413. And I'm nervous because
you're shouting at me!Copy !req
414. OK, and relax, and engage
fucking reverse gear and go!Copy !req
415. OK.Copy !req
416. I'm not going. Why is it not
going? Why isn't it going?Copy !req
417. You've got the handbrake on,
you cock.Copy !req
418. - Are you OK, Mark?
- Normally I wouldn't make
such a basic errorCopy !req
419. but, as you can see, this is
quite a stressful situation.Copy !req
420. - Move it, you asshole!
- Shit! I can't find the
biting point!Copy !req
421. Where's the biting point?Copy !req
422. Why are you indicating? Don't
indicate, fucking go!Copy !req
423. I need to alert other road
users to my intentions.Copy !req
424. That's it. Come on!Copy !req
425. Mirror, signal, maneuver.
Mirror, signal, maneuver.Copy !req
426. - Come on, get out. You can't
drive.
- Of course I can drive.Copy !req
427. Out. No wonder you failed
your test, you div.Copy !req
428. No, look, no! Jeremy, wait!
You're drunk!Copy !req
429. Wait!Copy !req
430. If anyone should crash and
kill my child, it should be
me.Copy !req
431. - Come on, Soph.
- Jeremy, it's Gail!Copy !req
432. - Oh, fuck!
- Aaaah!Copy !req
433. Oh, shit!Copy !req
434. Probably have to retell this
moment in crown courtCopy !req
435. and I've already forgotten
exactly what happened.'Copy !req
436. - Oh, my God.
- What happened?Copy !req
437. - I did again, Mark. I did it
again.
- What?Copy !req
438. You didn't pass? You were
going to drive me and you
can't drive!Copy !req
439. - Er...
- I tried to kill her. I went
for her.Copy !req
440. I can't believe you, Mark! I
can't!Copy !req
441. What are you all doing here?Copy !req
442. I'm having an affair.
We're having an affair.Copy !req
443. We've been doing it behind
your back and now it's all
come outCopy !req
444. because I keep on trying to
kill you.Copy !req
445. Oh, Jesus.Copy !req
446. Thank you very much, Jeremy
(!)Copy !req
447. Er, I really need to get to
the hospital, Elena.Copy !req
448. I'm sorry, but we really need
to talk.Copy !req
449. It's a biggie for me, Soph.
It's kind of urgent.Copy !req
450. For fuck's sake!Copy !req
451. Soph, you... can't drive
yourself!Copy !req
452. Well, I think I'd be safer
than with the pissed murderer
or the unlicensed liar!Copy !req
453. Jeremy, we... we can't leave
her.Copy !req
454. She's not safe. We've got to
go with her!Copy !req
455. So... OK, Soph, here we
are... going to the hospital
with you.Copy !req
456. I'm right behind you so, if
you need... directions or
tissues or anything,Copy !req
457. don't hesitate to let me
know.Copy !req
458. Yeah, tissues and
directions, good.Copy !req
459. Don't have any tissues,
don't know where we're going,
so... got those covered (!)Copy !req