1. With strong language and
adult humour.Copy !req
2. That smells good.Copy !req
3. Is that a Cumberland sausage?Copy !req
4. It's my birthday week
so I'm being nice to myself.Copy !req
5. That's an onion gravy, isn't it?Copy !req
6. I thought I'd throw a party
and in advance of the partyCopy !req
7. I'm going to go speed dating.Copy !req
8. It'd be great
to get a date lined up.Copy !req
9. Speed dating? And a party?Copy !req
10. Mark, you know that if
you end up a basket case,Copy !req
11. I'm the one who'll have to wheel you
around the National Army Museum.Copy !req
12. Look at us, Jez, we're letting
our lives slip through our fingers.Copy !req
13. Maybe you don't care,
but I need to get out thereCopy !req
14. and I'm never going to meet a woman
in a pub or a nightclubCopy !req
15. or an art gallery or book shop,
or any other formal or informal
social gathering.Copy !req
16. It's just not going to happen.Copy !req
17. D'you think you're going
to eat all that?Copy !req
18. I don't know. It's a bit too muchCopy !req
19. but I'm hoping if I eat it quickly,
my stomach won't notice.Copy !req
20. I'm hungry.Copy !req
21. That is not my problem.Copy !req
22. 'I'm the skinny one,
I need food more than him.Copy !req
23. 'Yeah, I might just Robin Hood
this baby.Copy !req
24. 'He's such a tightarse,
won't even replace the wide screen.Copy !req
25. 'How are they supposed to
brainwash me with their advertsCopy !req
26. 'if I can't even see them properly?'Copy !req
27. Recognise this, Jeremy?Copy !req
28. I went to get the Cherry Garcia out
to defrostCopy !req
29. and look what I found inside.Copy !req
30. "Look, I know what you think
happenedCopy !req
31. "and you're right,
I have eaten all your ice-cream."Copy !req
32. This is it, this is the line.
You've crossed the line.Copy !req
33. Read the mitigating circumstances.
There are loads.Copy !req
34. A sausage has gone!Copy !req
35. Oh, my God, Jeremy.Copy !req
36. A sausage is missing!
Is this what it's come to?Copy !req
37. I've got to carry my food around
with me now, to stop you from...Copy !req
38. Right, well, I'm sorry,
you've driven me to this.Copy !req
39. What are you doing?Copy !req
40. I'm making a list of
all the household itemsCopy !req
41. that you have permission to consume.Copy !req
42. Oh, for God's sake.Copy !req
43. Toilet paper, OK. Soap, OK.
But not shower gel.Copy !req
44. And no razors.Copy !req
45. If you're poor, grow a beard.Copy !req
46. Tea bags are allowed, within limits.Copy !req
47. Limits? What limits?Copy !req
48. No making a pie out of tea
or anything weird.Copy !req
49. Look, Mark, lay off, will you?Copy !req
50. The thing is, and I keep...
meaning to tell you thisCopy !req
51. but basically a few years ago
Mummy gave me a nest eggCopy !req
52. and I kept on meaning to investCopy !req
53. but it turns out I've spent it.Copy !req
54. You ate your nest egg?Copy !req
55. You're meant to sit on your
nest egg till it hatches,Copy !req
56. not eat it like some
greedy, mad chicken.Copy !req
57. Well, the solution's obvious.
Get a job.Copy !req
58. Yeah, fine, whatever, but
it's difficult, you know?Copy !req
59. There just aren't that many
media positions out there.Copy !req
60. That's the reality.Copy !req
61. So? Do something else,
get on your bike.Copy !req
62. I can't believe you're trying to
make me get a job not in the media.Copy !req
63. You're such a bastard.Copy !req
64. You have to pay rent,
Jeremy, that needs to happen.Copy !req
65. Put the sausage back.
I'm deadly serious.Copy !req
66. You never pay any rent. If you start
stealing from me as well, that's it,Copy !req
67. you'll have to move out.
This is the final straw.Copy !req
68. 'Mmm! Delicious Cumberland final
straw, dripping in onion gravy.'Copy !req
69. 'Ugh, speed dating,
that was horrible.Copy !req
70. 'No-one else seemed to mind.
Maybe this is the future.Copy !req
71. 'Three-minute date, three-minute
fuck, three-minute marriage.'Copy !req
72. Mark Corrigan.Copy !req
73. We've collated all your
ticks and crosses with
the girls' ticks and crosses.Copy !req
74. The results are in.
What does the swingometer say?Copy !req
75. Well, I'm afraid you've
got no matches for dating.Copy !req
76. What? None? But number 23 said she
was definitely going to tick!Copy !req
77. That's a verbal contract!Copy !req
78. Well, maybe you could
take her to court.Copy !req
79. Speed dating, I'd be
better off speed skating.Copy !req
80. 'Doesn't really work
but she gets the point.Copy !req
81. 'I'm just another reject slowly
slipping out of the gene poolCopy !req
82. 'to get hoovered up
by the sex industry.'Copy !req
83. 'Oh, Saz, she implied
she might be ticking.Copy !req
84. 'Maybe she did tick, maybe the data
wasn't collated correctly.Copy !req
85. 'Maybe she's my hanging chad.'Copy !req
86. Hi, remember me?Copy !req
87. Um...Copy !req
88. Mark, we had a three-minute date
about 15 minutes ago.Copy !req
89. Yeah, sorry, sorry,
I'm just a bit all over the place.Copy !req
90. I just got a message from this guy
I just split up with. He wants meCopy !req
91. to move all my stuff out of his
apartment by the end of the week.Copy !req
92. We only just split up on Tuesday.
What a knob.Copy !req
93. That's terrible, but... Budvar?Copy !req
94. Yeah, great!Copy !req
95. 'I'm buying her a drink.Copy !req
96. 'Got to order before
someone nicks my idea.'Copy !req
97. 'Yeah, I'll get on my bike.Copy !req
98. 'My bike's my big dick.'Copy !req
99. Jeremy Osborne?Copy !req
100. 'Wow, she's hot.Copy !req
101. 'Maybe she's a sort of warm-up act.'Copy !req
102. Cubicle three.Copy !req
103. Great, thanks.Copy !req
104. Listen, I just wanted to say
I'm sorry.Copy !req
105. What for?Copy !req
106. For what goes on through there.Copy !req
107. I just want to assure youCopy !req
108. that I'm not the same as the rest
of these feckless cum-shedders.Copy !req
109. So, if you ever need anyone for a...Copy !req
110. private donation,
you've got my details.Copy !req
111. 'Oooh, bit creepy. Spermy
atmosphere is cramping my style.Copy !req
112. 'Right. Time to open
my sticky bank account.'Copy !req
113. 'Hey, where's the porn? No porn?Copy !req
114. 'Am I supposed
to just dry hump myself?Copy !req
115. 'Must be something I could use?Copy !req
116. 'Would it be wrong?Copy !req
117. 'Why not? It's a free country.Copy !req
118. 'OK, Queeny, it's back in the '50s,
you're nice and young,Copy !req
119. 'you've just been coronated,
I'm taking off your cloak.Copy !req
120. 'No, leave the crown on.Copy !req
121. 'Ooh, what's this, stockings?Copy !req
122. 'You've been getting through your
nylon ration book pretty quickly,Copy !req
123. 'you naughty, sexy Queen!Copy !req
124. 'Oh, shit.Copy !req
125. 'Right, here we...Copy !req
126. 'Oh. Elgar?Copy !req
127. 'Oh, I've totally lost it now.Copy !req
128. 'Thanks a bunch, Elgar'Copy !req
129. 'What's my stuff doing in the hall?'Copy !req
130. Jez, I didn't realise
you'd be back so soon.Copy !req
131. You're redecorating.
Oh, you felt bad about before.Copy !req
132. That's nice. Not sure about that
for the ceiling colour,Copy !req
133. but then it's not me that looks
at that - it's the chicks, right?Copy !req
134. Right.Copy !req
135. The thing is, it's not for you,
mate, it's for Saz.Copy !req
136. Sorry? Saz? Saz who?Copy !req
137. What Saz?Copy !req
138. Hi!Copy !req
139. Saz is having that room,
I've invited Saz to move in.Copy !req
140. What the fuck? You're kicking me out?Copy !req
141. Not right away. You can stay on
the sofa until you find a new place.Copy !req
142. It's just not viable for you to
take up a whole room for free.Copy !req
143. What? And what do you call this,
exactly?Copy !req
144. A loaf of delicious
Vogel linseed bread.Copy !req
145. Benecol margarine, soya milk, marrow?Copy !req
146. What's wrong with linseed bread and
marzipan and Ryvita and radishes?Copy !req
147. It's continental.Copy !req
148. I know why you're buying it,
because you know I don't like it.Copy !req
149. But you don't like it either.Copy !req
150. If you're going to steal my food,
Jeremy, I prefer you not to enjoy itCopy !req
151. and not enjoying it myself
is a small price to pay.Copy !req
152. Look, if you had some careerCopy !req
153. other than wanking into a cup, maybe
you could buy food and pay the rent.Copy !req
154. What's she paying, then?Copy !req
155. Saz? Well, nothing... I-initially.Copy !req
156. But, Jeremy, look, the thing is,
I think she might be the one.Copy !req
157. And I could never win
with a woman like thatCopy !req
158. on the sexual battlefield, but
in here, I can pipe in Barry WhiteCopy !req
159. while she's asleep, pretend I need
a back rub, fall asleep on her lap.Copy !req
160. Right, so that's what it
comes down to, is it?Copy !req
161. You don't want to bone me,
so I'm out. It's that brutal.Copy !req
162. Have you seen the old man
down by the seamen's mission?Copy !req
163. Yes, not very fuckable, is he? Screw
him. That's what it is, isn't it?Copy !req
164. 'OK, Sophie due over tomorrow
for the break-up handover.Copy !req
165. 'Nothing too heavy.
Olives, crispbreads, dips.Copy !req
166. 'These are the heartbreak snacks.Copy !req
167. 'No stewed ribs
or chocolate dildos.'Copy !req
168. You all right, Marco?Copy !req
169. Listen, I've just got
a couple of mates aroundCopy !req
170. and we're getting smashed,
is that cool?Copy !req
171. Brilliant. I was going to ask if
you might be able to make yourself
scarce tomorrow night.Copy !req
172. I've got a bit of ex stuff.Copy !req
173. Yeah, whatever.
Hey, listen, Marco,Copy !req
174. you wouldn't have any fucking
nose powder on the sly, would you?Copy !req
175. No, I don't really...Copy !req
176. Why don't you run out and
get us some coke, eh, Marco?Copy !req
177. Go on, get us some coke, you big
freak. Then we can sit aroundCopy !req
178. watching your porno collection!Copy !req
179. To be honest, I don't
really know where to get cokeCopy !req
180. and I don't have a porno collection.Copy !req
181. Sure you do, you're getting a chubby
just thinking about it,Copy !req
182. aren't you, mate?
You filthy little dirt box!Copy !req
183. Hey, man, Marco's got a chub on!Copy !req
184. Come on, girls,
let's get shitfaced.Copy !req
185. Wow, this is great, isn't it?
Three fun-loving girls in the flat.Copy !req
186. Anything could happen.Copy !req
187. I suppose anything could happen.Copy !req
188. Anything could happen.Copy !req
189. They might shag us.Copy !req
190. Don't say it, Jeremy.Copy !req
191. They might shag each other.Copy !req
192. There's no need to actually say it.Copy !req
193. If you say it,
you'll break the spell.Copy !req
194. I'll open the tequila.Copy !req
195. Good idea.Copy !req
196. This is probably their dealer.
What shall I say to their dealer?Copy !req
197. Soph.Copy !req
198. Hey, Mark.Copy !req
199. But... The handover's
not till tomorrow night.Copy !req
200. I think I would remember, Mark.Copy !req
201. No, look, I'll show you in my diary.Copy !req
202. See, tomorrow night -
you've got it wrong.Copy !req
203. Oh, right. Well done, Mark. One
point to you. Sorry. Can I come in?Copy !req
204. No?Copy !req
205. What?Copy !req
206. Maybe we should stick
to the appointed...Copy !req
207. OK, I guess, if... if you're here.Copy !req
208. 'OK, let's try and keep this
festival of recriminations brief.'Copy !req
209. Ignore the girls, they're Jeremy's
girls, they're not my girls.Copy !req
210. No way! Oh, my God!Copy !req
211. Thanks for my stuff.Copy !req
212. Here's your stuff. It's so great
that you could come round.Copy !req
213. I'll see you in the office, I guess.Copy !req
214. I thought the whole point was
we were going to haveCopy !req
215. a bit of an air clear. Unless of
course this is a bad time for you.Copy !req
216. 'No, not sitting!'Copy !req
217. I don't know if I'm
up or down at the moment.Copy !req
218. Tolly from the office asked
if I wanted to go for a coffee
and I told him to get lost.Copy !req
219. Then I realised, I've got
to move on at some time, so...Copy !req
220. Hey, Mark, get back in here
so Lindsey can jerk you off! >Copy !req
221. What?Copy !req
222. No-one's going to jerk me off,
Sophie, it's just a stupid joke.Copy !req
223. I'm not the one that's going to
jerk you off, she's the one that's
going to jerk you off!>Copy !req
224. Please, carry on.Copy !req
225. Are you trying to humiliate me?Copy !req
226. What? God, no.Copy !req
227. Mark, come and put your tongue
up Lindsey's arsehole, it's clean!Copy !req
228. Yeah, well you seem to have moved on
pretty fucking quick.Copy !req
229. Look, I'm sorry.Copy !req
230. They're Australian, they think
it's all fine. I'm so sorry, Soph.Copy !req
231. 'I don't even want to put
my tongue up anyone's arsehole.'Copy !req
232. 'Ugh. So little sleep.
Third night in a row.Copy !req
233. 'I'm living in Animal House. I don't
want to live in Animal House.Copy !req
234. 'I want to live in
one of the other houses.Copy !req
235. 'Little House On The Prairie.
Hello, this is more like it.Copy !req
236. 'Sexy girl at breakfast.
Finally getting my bonus ball.'Copy !req
237. Morning.Copy !req
238. What's going on, Marco?Copy !req
239. I mean, what the fuck am I doing?Copy !req
240. Last night I took all this speedCopy !req
241. and I copped off with this guy.
I don't even remember his name.Copy !req
242. 'Oh, shit, I'm out of my depth.Copy !req
243. 'What do I do? Put the kettle on?Copy !req
244. 'The sound of the kettle
might drown out her tears.'Copy !req
245. .. and everything's just fucked!Copy !req
246. 'This is my very own
anti-drugs commercial.'Copy !req
247. I'll get you a tissue.Copy !req
248. What the fuck am I doing
in this country anyway?Copy !req
249. How are you doing?Copy !req
250. Terrible.Copy !req
251. I was in the hall
for most of the night.Copy !req
252. What's so funny?
That's what I want to know.Copy !req
253. I don't know.Copy !req
254. I just think they were...
laughing generally.Copy !req
255. I don't think they're ever
going to screw us, do you?Copy !req
256. No. No, I don't.Copy !req
257. When are they going to leave?Copy !req
258. I might ask Saz to leave.Copy !req
259. I'll get some money, really I will.
I just need to sleep, Mark.Copy !req
260. If they don't go, I might have to go.Copy !req
261. So, er, Saz, listen,
I've been thinking.Copy !req
262. It's been
really great having you hereCopy !req
263. but now you've done the South,
the London Eye and the Trocadero,Copy !req
264. so you probably want
to be heading up North.Copy !req
265. Not really.Copy !req
266. But there's a Harvey Nichols in
Leeds everyone goes on about as if
that's the answer to something.Copy !req
267. Look, don't kick me out, Marco.Copy !req
268. There's an Anzac Memorial
in Huddersfield.Copy !req
269. The truth is, I've... actually
started to really like you.Copy !req
270. You... like me?Copy !req
271. Yeah, I... I want to go out with you.Copy !req
272. Wow. OK, so,Copy !req
273. I could tell people that...
you were my girlfriend?Copy !req
274. Well... we might take things slow
to start with, yeah?Copy !req
275. Sure, but we could still have funCopy !req
276. and watch, you know, Morse,Copy !req
277. and people could
see us out together,
like at my birthday party on Friday,Copy !req
278. and I could put a photo of us
on Facebook?Copy !req
279. Sure, all that stuff.Copy !req
280. So, can I... stay?Copy !req
281. Course you can stay.Copy !req
282. Maybe this could be our song.Copy !req
283. Sure, why the fuck not?Copy !req
284. 'OK, well, money might not
buy you love, but apparentlyCopy !req
285. 'a furnished flat can get you
a reasonable simulation.'Copy !req
286. So, when's she moving out?Copy !req
287. She's actually not moving out
straightaway.Copy !req
288. Have you given her a time limit,
because when you chucked me out,Copy !req
289. no time limit, and here I still am.Copy !req
290. Yes, well, she's...Copy !req
291. she's not moving out, because...Copy !req
292. we are now a couple.Copy !req
293. We've started a relationship.Copy !req
294. In the last two minutes?Copy !req
295. You can't put a stopwatch
on the human heart, Jeremy.Copy !req
296. Romance just blossomed,
in the kitchen.Copy !req
297. What's going on?Copy !req
298. She is so doing a number on you.Copy !req
299. This is the fucking limit.Copy !req
300. I need to get some sleep, Mark.Copy !req
301. But Jez, where are you going?Copy !req
302. I don't know, Super Hans or
Pedge's houseboat or Big Suze.Copy !req
303. Jez, Suze is back with JohnsonCopy !req
304. and Pedge's houseboat's never going
to be released from Rotterdam.Copy !req
305. Sheesh. What a knob.Copy !req
306. 'Hope he'll be OK.Copy !req
307. 'I guess we're moving on.Copy !req
308. 'Yes, it's me and my hired concubine
for a day of sterile conversationCopy !req
309. 'and sexual frustration.Copy !req
310. 'Unless I...'Copy !req
311. You don't, do you,Copy !req
312. fancy a bit?Copy !req
313. I'm not... sure. Um, maybe later?Copy !req
314. Of course. Later.Copy !req
315. So, as you know, I'm off
to Frankfurt this afternoon.Copy !req
316. Now, normally
I'd appoint a caretaker manager.Copy !req
317. 'Oh, Johnson, let me count the ways
how I admire the organisational andCopy !req
318. 'interpersonal skills of thee.Copy !req
319. 'Right in front of me, nice.Copy !req
320. 'Reckon Sophie was
almost definitely the one.Copy !req
321. 'Yep as soon as she's horrible to
me, realise I want her, classic.'Copy !req
322. Oh, ah! 'The bloody lever's gone!'Copy !req
323. Lever, get the lever!Copy !req
324. What?Copy !req
325. The lever's gone!Copy !req
326. Mark, are you OK?Copy !req
327. Ah!Copy !req
328. Ah!Copy !req
329. Ah, ow. Oh, wow. Oh, God!Copy !req
330. And for his next trick, Mr Corrigan
will slide a 2B pencil up his anus.Copy !req
331. 'Oh, acute social embarrassment
plus intense physical pain.Copy !req
332. 'I'm really pushing the envelope.'Copy !req
333. Ah.Copy !req
334. You OK, Mark? What happened?Copy !req
335. I don't know, I was just
looking at Sophie and then...Copy !req
336. Yeah, she could be a bit
more subtle, couldn't she?Copy !req
337. Is it right she's
taking Tolly to your birthday?Copy !req
338. Well, I need the numbers, so...Copy !req
339. Oh, perhaps it would be better
if you left the self-harming for the
weekends, mate.Copy !req
340. Freak.Copy !req
341. Nice.Copy !req
342. Anyway, about the party,
I mean, Scumpy Pete wanted to go withCopy !req
343. me but I thought, if you wanted, for
moral support, we could go together?Copy !req
344. Us?Copy !req
345. 'Oh, got to choose,Copy !req
346. 'nice geeky Dobbie
or Saz my primetime
newsreader-type girlfriend?'Copy !req
347. Dobbie, listen, that's lovely,Copy !req
348. but the thing is I'm
going with my... girlfriend.Copy !req
349. You've got a girlfriend?Copy !req
350. Don't sound so surprised.Copy !req
351. OK, well, cool.Copy !req
352. 'Did the right thing there,
pretty sure.Copy !req
353. 'Don't listen to your heart. That's
what no-one tells you, but that'sCopy !req
354. 'probably the real grown up truth.'Copy !req
355. 'OK, I'm homeless and she's
got a home, it's a perfect fit.'Copy !req
356. Jeremy,
you look terrible, what's going on?Copy !req
357. Oh, you know, Mark kicked me
out so I don't have anywhere to...Copy !req
358. live right now. But I'm actually
really enjoying myself.Copy !req
359. Oh, Jeremy, you poor thing.Copy !req
360. So, listen, I was wondering,
depending on what you'reCopy !req
361. doing and stuff, whether or not
I might come and live with you?Copy !req
362. You know I'm back with Alan.Copy !req
363. Oh, yeah we can get rid of Johnson.
I mean the guy's a dick, so...Copy !req
364. He takes very good care of me.Copy !req
365. I could take very good care of you.Copy !req
366. I'm not a hobo.Copy !req
367. Look, Alan's in Frankfurt,
but even so, I really don'tCopy !req
368. think you could stay here.Copy !req
369. Listen, my sister runs this men's
refuge, if you just cut yourself
a bit they'd have to letyou in.Copy !req
370. Yeah?Copy !req
371. Yeah, hold on,
I'll just get the number.Copy !req
372. 'God, look at all this stuff.Copy !req
373. 'Lovely stuff you could steal,
then sell, then eat and...Copy !req
374. 'Is that Johnson's credit card?
With the pin?Copy !req
375. 'Oh, if someone does that you're
supposed to rob them, aren't you?Copy !req
376. 'Just one sandwich,
I'll post it right back.'Copy !req
377. 'Thank you, Johnson,
got my rotisserie chicken,
got my kilo of extra matureCopy !req
378. 'cheddar, bottle of Crystal, gonna
slip on my headphones, slap a DVD onCopy !req
379. 'the portable and have me a homeless,
hip-hop, cheesy luncheon banquet.Copy !req
380. 'It's a victimless crime. Johnson
will report it stolen, who loses?Copy !req
381. 'Wallace and Gromit? Gromit doesn't
care, Gromit's fine.'Copy !req
382. Hi, just buying some stuff
if that's OK.Copy !req
383. < Just tap in your pin for me.Copy !req
384. 'Here we go again. This is so easy.Copy !req
385. 'What's going on? Come on, come on,
come on come on. Why won't it go?Copy !req
386. 'Nothing's happening.Copy !req
387. 'Shit, I'm gonna get caught,
I'm going to be tasered alive.'Copy !req
388. I think your card's
the wrong way round.Copy !req
389. Oh, of course, wrong way round
yeah...Copy !req
390. ..my card, my silly card. .. Bad card,
always wrong, aren't you card?Copy !req
391. 'Calm down, not too much.'Copy !req
392. And can I get £30...
£50 cash back as well, please?Copy !req
393. '8008, that is a nice pin.Copy !req
394. 'Oh, Elgar, why do you always
find me at my lowest points, Elgar?'Copy !req
395. 'Dancing with my
girlfriend at my party,Copy !req
396. 'look at me now, Dad,
look at me now.'Copy !req
397. Whoa! More music! We want more!Copy !req
398. Another drink?Copy !req
399. Oh, yeah, yeah, fill her up, babe.Copy !req
400. 'Did she wince? That's not good.Copy !req
401. 'Wincing isn't mentioned
by the Romantic poets.'Copy !req
402. Hey, Mark, lot of people. Lots of
people I didn't know you liked.Copy !req
403. Meat in the room, Gerard,
meat in the room.Copy !req
404. Bottle of Beck's, please, and...
and a vodka for my girlfriend.Copy !req
405. Just leave my
girlfriend's drinks here.Copy !req
406. I can give it to
my girlfriend later.Copy !req
407. Corrigan, nice piece of
arm candy you got there.Copy !req
408. Do you really think she's the one?Copy !req
409. Who knows? She could be the one.Copy !req
410. Love moves in mysterious ways.Copy !req
411. Whoa, hello,
she's getting jiggy to this one.Copy !req
412. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah she loves
this one, this is one of her faves.Copy !req
413. Yeah, there, there she goes,
that's that's Saz, that, that...Copy !req
414. is Saz all over. That is so her.Copy !req
415. Are you OK with that?Copy !req
416. Oh, hell, yeah, yeah she's
just having a bit of fun.Copy !req
417. She's a minx, isn't she? This
is all a part of our whole thing.Copy !req
418. We'll probably go home after
this and just really, you know...Copy !req
419. Have you seen what they're doing?Copy !req
420. Yes, I've bloody seen what they're
doing and it's fine, all right?Copy !req
421. It's cool, Dobs.Copy !req
422. Look, let's have a funny one,
do you have the Barron Knights?Copy !req
423. Hey, Mark!Copy !req
424. Jeremy?Copy !req
425. Happy birthday, man.Copy !req
426. What's this?Copy !req
427. Well, you know you're alwaysCopy !req
428. saying about taking up the violin,
so I thought, now's your chance.Copy !req
429. Wow, a violin!Copy !req
430. Hello, Jeremy.Copy !req
431. Johnson, what the fuck?
You're in Frankfurt.Copy !req
432. Am I?
Well, I hate to contradict you.Copy !req
433. How did you afford this, Jeremy?Copy !req
434. Well, something's
come through for me.Copy !req
435. So, listen, Jeremy, I got
a call todayCopy !req
436. saying that my credit card had
been used to buy various items.Copy !req
437. 'Oh, shit!'Copy !req
438. Including a violin, a Ted Baker suit
and a bass guitarCopy !req
439. once played by Sir Paul McCartney
from the Hard Rock Cafe.Copy !req
440. Yes, naturally,Copy !req
441. that's why I was coming to see you,
to let you in on our scam.Copy !req
442. 'Oh, great'Copy !req
443. < Our scam?Copy !req
444. Yes.Copy !req
445. I load up on goodies, you put a call
in saying your card's lost, shazam,Copy !req
446. you get your cash back plus a
little extra, everyone's a winner.Copy !req
447. No, it's why my APR is at 16%. If it
wasn't for lowlifes like you myCopy !req
448. APR would probably be only
around 12%.Copy !req
449. Alan, I'm sorry, but he's not
a criminal, he's just an idiot.Copy !req
450. I'm calling the authorities.Copy !req
451. No, stop!
Alan, I'll pay, I'll pay up for him.Copy !req
452. You came that close.
.. Let's boogie, baby.Copy !req
453. Bloody hell, Jeremy,
you can pay me back in instalments.Copy !req
454. OK, fine, everyone wins.Copy !req
455. I get my suit, you get your violin.Copy !req
456. I don't want a fucking violin.Copy !req
457. I want to learn the clarinet and I
can't and I've already got one.Copy !req
458. Well, learn the violin as well,
chill out.Copy !req
459. And now a special request for
Mark, the birthday boy!Copy !req
460. Our tune.Copy !req
461. Huh, this is our tune.Copy !req
462. If you wanna dance with
her, dance with her.Copy !req
463. 'Yes, I've taken this long enough.Copy !req
464. 'We have an arrangement,
that's my rallying cry.Copy !req
465. 'We have an arrangement.'Copy !req
466. Do you mind if I cut in?Copy !req
467. Um, babe,Copy !req
468. can you fuck off? I'm kinda busy.Copy !req
469. Happy birthday, mate, nice party.Copy !req
470. 'This is it, the worst party ever.Copy !req
471. 'My misery has peaked.Copy !req
472. 'Oh, no, look at that,
it hadn't peaked.Copy !req
473. 'Oh, and there's more.Copy !req
474. 'Good, yes, great.Copy !req
475. 'This is all just great.'Copy !req
476. Maybe we should... if you fancy it?Copy !req
477. No, I don't really fancy it.Copy !req
478. 'That's right, dance,
dance the night away,Copy !req
479. 'but you'll pay me back, Jeremy,Copy !req
480. 'even if you end up dancing in
cages at fetish bars.'Copy !req