1. This programme contains strong
language.Copy !req
2. You know, Jez,Copy !req
3. I've started to get this feeling
that I'm totally, totally fucked.Copy !req
4. You know? Everything's fucked.
I fucked my wedding.Copy !req
5. I fucked up my only relationship.
Everything's just completely fucked.Copy !req
6. You have been feeling this
for a while.Copy !req
7. But now I'm starting to think
that maybe that's a good thing,Copy !req
8. cos now I can get on and do
everything I've always wanted to do -Copy !req
9. join MENSA, learn the clarinet.Copy !req
10. I could be a scout leader.Copy !req
11. Mm-hm.Copy !req
12. What are you smiling for?Copy !req
13. Look, scouting is a noble tradition.Copy !req
14. You do not have to be a paedo to
wanna work with children, all right?Copy !req
15. But it probably helps.Copy !req
16. Oh, God, that is so...Copy !req
17. I spent five happy years
in the Scouts and never once...Copy !req
18. You told me
Kinky Layton was all over you.Copy !req
19. Yeah, all right, Layton was a bit
of a paedo, but not in a bad way.Copy !req
20. Just boosting you
over the climbing wall,Copy !req
21. making you run round the camp
in your pants.Copy !req
22. It was old style paedo-ing,
before it got such a bad name.Copy !req
23. 'Of course, Layton only had eyes
for Duncan Carpenter,Copy !req
24. 'the doe-eyed little flirt.'Copy !req
25. 'Who's this? And Sophie's dad.Copy !req
26. 'Little angry tweedy father!
This is a chain-on scenario.'Copy !req
27. Hello?Copy !req
28. Hi, Jeremy, it's... it's Barney.Copy !req
29. Sophie's cousin, remember?
From the wedding?Copy !req
30. Not really.Copy !req
31. We went to the car park and we
smoked that dope that I bought...Copy !req
32. That turned out not to be dope.Copy !req
33. Oh, right. Hi.Copy !req
34. We've just dropped Soph off,
she's going back to work tomorrow.Copy !req
35. Is this gonna take long?Copy !req
36. Oh, no, no, they just
wanted me to deliver this to Mark.Copy !req
37. It's just the tuna from the wedding.
It's Mark's half.Copy !req
38. Come on, Barney, let's go.Copy !req
39. Anyway, I remembered
that you were in a band,Copy !req
40. and basically I've been doing
a little bit of my own music.Copy !req
41. Maybe you could take a listen
and tell me what you think?Copy !req
42. OK, well, thanks.
Good to see you...Copy !req
43. Barney!Copy !req
44. G... Thanks, Jeremy!Copy !req
45. 'Mm, why toast when you can roast?'Copy !req
46. Another roast?
That's the third today.Copy !req
47. What's nicer than a roast?Copy !req
48. Yeah, but chain-eating roast?Copy !req
49. Who was that?Copy !req
50. Sophie's dad,
and her cousin, Barney.Copy !req
51. Barney?Copy !req
52. It's the wedding tuna. Your half.Copy !req
53. Oh, what? Really? Heartbreak tuna?Copy !req
54. Oh, no, Jez, just bin it!Copy !req
55. Not literally, there's no need
to be overly dramatic. Freeze it.Copy !req
56. See how I feel in six months.Copy !req
57. So they came all this way
just for the tuna?Copy !req
58. They were dropping Sophie off. She's
going back to work tomorrow, so...Copy !req
59. Sophie's going back to work?Copy !req
60. But that's outside the terms
of the treaty! Six weeks!Copy !req
61. Six weeks till we go back!
This isn't six weeks, this is three!Copy !req
62. Shit! I've gotta get in there
to stop her lies.Copy !req
63. What lies?Copy !req
64. That I jilted her at the altar.Copy !req
65. Technically...
I'm on your side,Copy !req
66. but, technically, that's not a lie.Copy !req
67. I did not jilt her.
Technically, I married her.Copy !req
68. Well, maybe, but I think
what sticks in everyone's memoryCopy !req
69. is the bit where you jilted her.Copy !req
70. Oh, shit! If you think that,
what's everyone else gonna think?Copy !req
71. Oh, God! I've gotta get in there.Copy !req
72. If she wants a PR war, she can have
a PR war. I'll Mandelson her!Copy !req
73. Nobody wanted New Labour, Jeremy,
but now we all now how it works.Copy !req
74. 'Walking into the jaws of death.Copy !req
75. 'Gotta go past Sophie's desk.
What am I gonna say?Copy !req
76. 'Please save me, Jesus! I'll
believe in you if you save me now.Copy !req
77. 'The other way! She's looking
the other way. Thank you, Jesus!Copy !req
78. 'Although it was 50/50
which way she'd be looking.Copy !req
79. 'Might need a bit more
to start believing.Copy !req
80. 'Oh, the gossip mill.
That's right, stare at Hess.Copy !req
81. 'Throw fruit at Hess,
pacing his prison yard.Copy !req
82. 'Mm... piggin' tea break.Copy !req
83. 'Cup of piggin' tea and work out
my piggin' campaign strategy.Copy !req
84. 'Oh, knickers! Here we go, Lisa!'Copy !req
85. 'She's not saying anything!Copy !req
86. 'Brilliant!
Good old English reserve.'Copy !req
87. Erm, Mark, I just wanna say,
about the wedding and everything...Copy !req
88. I think you're a real piece of shit.Copy !req
89. Oh... OK...Copy !req
90. 'That's fair.
Lisa is a very fair person.'Copy !req
91. What do you think?Copy !req
92. This is raw.
Who is this? Is this us?Copy !req
93. A simple shit muncher,
Sophie's cousin.Copy !req
94. Shit! He's done something there,
in't he? How d'you do that?Copy !req
95. I think that what's happeningCopy !req
96. is two or maybe three different
musical things all at the same time.Copy !req
97. This is the kinda thing
we should be doing.Copy !req
98. Complicated shit.Copy !req
99. Only thing is,
doing complicated shit like this...Copy !req
100. wouldn't that be
against the big beat manifesto?Copy !req
101. Have you read the big
beat manifesto lately?Copy !req
102. Did we write it down?Copy !req
103. The big beat manifesto goes,Copy !req
104. "Big beats are the best,
get high all the time."Copy !req
105. Right.Copy !req
106. At the time, it felt like a much
more all-encompassing philosophy.Copy !req
107. Can we use this?Copy !req
108. Well, listening to this,
it did make me think.Copy !req
109. Lately I've been having some ideas,Copy !req
110. and this is exactly the sort of
thing that I was thinking of doing.Copy !req
111. He's nicked your idea?Copy !req
112. Well, has he?
That's what I'm wondering.Copy !req
113. Nicked my idea
and then done it back to me.Copy !req
114. We should invite him down. We could
teach this kid a thing or two.Copy !req
115. Until he arrives, shall we
send this out to promoters?Copy !req
116. Yeah. This is the best example
of the stuff we do, we've ever had.Copy !req
117. Oh, yeah, cos sometimes it's really
hard actually to do your own ideas.Copy !req
118. 'OK, grab your nuts, Corrigan.Copy !req
119. 'First contact.Copy !req
120. 'There she is. Sophie.
Should I go over?Copy !req
121. 'Forget the spin war?
Apologise? Stab myself with a fork?Copy !req
122. 'They only have plastic.Copy !req
123. 'Oh, crying! Yes, niceCopy !req
124. 'That'll play well with the floating
voters. Nice tears, Goebbels!Copy !req
125. 'Her and her mates will probably
start handing out vicious cartoonsCopy !req
126. 'of me as a rodent in a top hat,
and everyone'll think it's hilarious,Copy !req
127. 'until a mob comes round
and smashes my shop window.Copy !req
128. 'At least I've got off
the roast wagon.Copy !req
129. 'Oh, God! There she goes!Copy !req
130. 'This is
a public relations nightmare!Copy !req
131. 'Where do I sit?Copy !req
132. 'This must be what it's like
being a nonce in prison.'Copy !req
133. Erm... Hello, is it OK if I go here?Copy !req
134. 'Please don't call me
a piece of shit.'Copy !req
135. Sure, whatever.Copy !req
136. I'm Debbie,
but everyone calls me Dobbie.Copy !req
137. Are you new? I don't think
I've seen you here before, have I?Copy !req
138. I'm the IT misfit,
the man with no name!Copy !req
139. I'm in and out,
Kettering, Croydon, Aberdeen.Copy !req
140. Oh, right. I'm Mark,
but you've probably heard of meCopy !req
141. under some other
horrible abusive name.Copy !req
142. No, why?Copy !req
143. Oh, no, just...Copy !req
144. everyone abuses everyone now,
don't they?Copy !req
145. "Fuck off. Fuck off, you wanker."Copy !req
146. It's supposed to be funny
but of course it's not.Copy !req
147. Wow, you, you carry personal cheese?Copy !req
148. Is that allowed?Copy !req
149. I'm a smoker.
I need man-Cheddar, you know.Copy !req
150. Right.Copy !req
151. If you like, you could...Copy !req
152. 'If I was seen sharing cheese with
a woman, it could be misinterpreted.Copy !req
153. 'My approval rating
would drop through the floor.Copy !req
154. 'Plus, it looks like
she might gnaw on it.'Copy !req
155. I'm fine. I think if I ate anything
with any flavour in this roomCopy !req
156. my body would probably spasm
due to shock!Copy !req
157. Right!Copy !req
158. Oh, by the way, is it possibleCopy !req
159. to easily put a block on
a couple of e-mail addresses?Copy !req
160. Why, what you been getting?Copy !req
161. Oh, nothing, just some crap.Copy !req
162. "You're a piece of shit, shitter.Copy !req
163. "Stuff your bollocks up your gob."Copy !req
164. It's just mates and that.Copy !req
165. "Fuck off and shut up and die."Copy !req
166. Yeah. They're...
They're pretty funny.Copy !req
167. Arseholes.Copy !req
168. OK, Jeff, Lisa, Paul,
their e-mails are going to junk,Copy !req
169. you can check 'em if you want.Copy !req
170. Plus, I've put an auto reply
offering themCopy !req
171. to come and sit on your hairy dick.Copy !req
172. Joke.Copy !req
173. Oh!Copy !req
174. 'That's a good joke!
She's nice. She's being nice!Copy !req
175. 'I'm pathetically grateful!Copy !req
176. 'Maybe I should
ask her out for a drink.Copy !req
177. 'She is a floating voter,
plus she's weirdly attractive.Copy !req
178. 'No, don't go there, Clinton!'Copy !req
179. Oh, wow, this is your room!Copy !req
180. This is so cool!Copy !req
181. 'Think I've found someone
to do my Hoovering.Copy !req
182. These your jeans?
These your actual jeans?Copy !req
183. Look, Jeremy. This is what
I'd look like wearing your jeans.Copy !req
184. "Hi, I'm Jeremy. I've got loads
of girlfriends and hash.Copy !req
185. "Look at my jeans!"Copy !req
186. Yeah, that is a bit like me.Copy !req
187. < Here we go.Copy !req
188. Just typed up a little contract
on Professor Yaffle's computer.Copy !req
189. A contract? Yeah.Copy !req
190. It's a standard procedure
for a new band member.Copy !req
191. Right.Copy !req
192. Maybe I should just show
that to my dad's solicitor?Copy !req
193. No!
No, no, no.Copy !req
194. Sign it,
and we can talk about it later.Copy !req
195. Before you sign it,
it's all a lot of waffle.Copy !req
196. < Hey...Copy !req
197. Barney? Is it? What, what are
you doing here? What's going on?Copy !req
198. Barney's staying over for a bit.
He joined the band.Copy !req
199. What?Copy !req
200. These guys were saying they
wouldn't mind some cheese McCoy's.Copy !req
201. Do you want me
to get you anything from the shop?Copy !req
202. No, I think I'm fine actually.Copy !req
203. While you're down there,
how about some Ribena and a Twirl?Copy !req
204. OK. McCoy's, Ribena and Twirl.
I'll go grab my jacket.Copy !req
205. Jeremy,
he's Sophie's cousin, for God's sake!Copy !req
206. You're sleeping with the enemy!Copy !req
207. Oh, relax, Mark, it's fine!Copy !req
208. Mark, they want me
to sign this contract.Copy !req
209. What do you think?
Should I sign it?Copy !req
210. Not even sure where you'd sign it.Copy !req
211. Is that meant to be a dotted line?Copy !req
212. Who drew this up? A lot of these
aren't proper sentences.Copy !req
213. It's legalese, all right?
Keep your beak out.Copy !req
214. Look, Mark, we heard today
we've got a spot at the Fuck Bunker.Copy !req
215. The Fuck Bunker?Copy !req
216. Yes. And we've got a A&R man coming,
so we need to have a contract.Copy !req
217. Everything nice and tied down, yeah?Copy !req
218. Right, fine, I don't give a shit.Copy !req
219. Looks good to me, Barney.
Go for it, dudeCopy !req
220. Cool. McCoy's, Ribena and a Twirl.Copy !req
221. McCoy's, Ribena and a Twirl.
McCoy's, Ribena and a Twirl.Copy !req
222. He's not sucking you off, is he?Copy !req
223. No, of course he isn't!Copy !req
224. Probably would.Copy !req
225. You have to be very careful,
asking someone to get you a TwirlCopy !req
226. who would also suck you off.Copy !req
227. 'Still...Copy !req
228. 'blow job and a Twirl.'Copy !req
229. 'Got the nod, the mark of the human.Copy !req
230. 'I'm a human, you're a human.
What else is there to say?'Copy !req
231. Hi, Mark. Nice to see you.Copy !req
232. Dobbie, likewise.Copy !req
233. There's meant to be
a bunch of USB sticks here, but...Copy !req
234. 'God, there's an atmosphere.Copy !req
235. 'Sexual tension? Or just
misfit scared of sexual tension?'Copy !req
236. Ooh, er!Copy !req
237. 'Oh, no! This is a disciplinary
hearing waiting to happen.'Copy !req
238. Oh, I can't reach. Could you...?Copy !req
239. Er, yeah, sure...Copy !req
240. Erm, you'll...Copy !req
241. you'll have to... move.Copy !req
242. Yeah, I should move, but...Copy !req
243. I might not move.Copy !req
244. 'Is she shifting her bum
against my area?'Copy !req
245. Er, are you, are you... sure
you don't wanna get out of the way?Copy !req
246. I'm all right.Copy !req
247. 'What if someone comes in?Copy !req
248. 'Should step away.Copy !req
249. 'Step away from the bum.Copy !req
250. 'Bit impolite to step away.Copy !req
251. 'I don't want to step away.'Copy !req
252. I've got some feta today.Copy !req
253. Oh, feta?Copy !req
254. Er, that's a sheep's cheese,
isn't it?Copy !req
255. I don't know.Copy !req
256. Yeah, yeah, I believe so...Copy !req
257. Or... Or goat's...Copy !req
258. 'This is possibly
the most exciting thingCopy !req
259. 'that has happened to anyone ever!Copy !req
260. 'Does she know what she's doing?Copy !req
261. 'Is she just innocently
waggling her bum aroundCopy !req
262. 'and I'm getting illegal benefit?Copy !req
263. 'I'm not doing a sexual assault,
am I?Copy !req
264. 'You can't do a sexual assault
if you stay still like a statue.Copy !req
265. 'I'm just a statue.Copy !req
266. 'A dirty, filthy statue!Copy !req
267. 'Oh, God! I'm getting very... Captain
Corrigan is flying without a licence!Copy !req
268. 'Oh, Jesus! It's too much.
I'm gonna blow my beans!Copy !req
269. 'I'm gonna do a Chesil Beach!Copy !req
270. 'Don't let her know!'Copy !req
271. Ah, ah!Copy !req
272. Are you OK?Copy !req
273. I'm fine, er, but... Sorry...Copy !req
274. I should be going cos, you know,
the world turns on its axis...Copy !req
275. One man works while...
while another relaxes.Copy !req
276. Ah, Post-its.Copy !req
277. Bye.Copy !req
278. 'Er, did she notice?Copy !req
279. 'Should have stayed for at least
a snog, but for some reasonCopy !req
280. 'my interest level
just drops straight off.Copy !req
281. 'God, it's soggy down there!
It's gonna start chafing.Copy !req
282. 'Need to clean up. Need to get out.Copy !req
283. 'Shit! Elaine and Michael, they'll
probably wanna talk quarterly sales.Copy !req
284. 'Fire exit. Could bust out here
and out into the car park.Copy !req
285. 'Fuck!'Copy !req
286. Hey, it's the wedding crasher!Copy !req
287. Hello, you two.Copy !req
288. 'Oh, she's smoking a joint with her
ex. When we should be newlyweds,Copy !req
289. 'remorselessly working our way
through The Lovers' Guide.'Copy !req
290. Hi, Soph, how are you?Copy !req
291. How are you... feeling?Copy !req
292. Well,
I want to give things another go.Copy !req
293. You do?Copy !req
294. No, of course I fucking don't!Copy !req
295. Oh, that was funny, though.Copy !req
296. Yeah, we should talk about
divorce options at some point.Copy !req
297. Yeah, maybe not...Copy !req
298. 'While I'm in spermy pants
and you're high.'Copy !req
299. ..here.Copy !req
300. Whatever, Mark. Run away again.Copy !req
301. I'm having a laugh - a-hah! -
so I don't really give a toss.Copy !req
302. What you doing
out here anyway?Copy !req
303. And what's that on your trousers?Copy !req
304. 'Oh, God! It's seeping through!'Copy !req
305. Have you... pissed yourself?Copy !req
306. Er...Copy !req
307. yeah.Copy !req
308. Yeah, I did a little bit
of wee on myself, so...Copy !req
309. You twat!Copy !req
310. 'Oh, yeah, they can laugh, but I win
because they think I pissed myself!Copy !req
311. 'They've no clue
I came all in my pants!'Copy !req
312. < Ahem!Copy !req
313. Anything?Copy !req
314. Can I have a sandwich?Copy !req
315. Oh, dude, what? Come on.Copy !req
316. We need more tracks for the gig.
Good ones.Copy !req
317. I know, but it's hard
to be creative when you're hungry.Copy !req
318. How long can it take to come up
with three minutes of music?Copy !req
319. Six minutes, max.Copy !req
320. That's being generous.
That's two minutes per minute.Copy !req
321. < Can I have an apple?Copy !req
322. Do you think we're made of apples?Copy !req
323. All right. You can have a poppadom.Copy !req
324. You can have one poppadom
and a bit of chutney.Copy !req
325. Cool, thanks.Copy !req
326. 'I'm so generous.
I'm like a techno-Ghandi.'Copy !req
327. Oi, was thinking about what Mark
said the other day about Barney?Copy !req
328. Bet you would, wouldn't you?Copy !req
329. What?Copy !req
330. Suck one of us off.Copy !req
331. No, no. I wouldn't.Copy !req
332. What if we said
you couldn't be in the bandCopy !req
333. unless you sucked one of us off?Copy !req
334. No! No, I wouldn't.Copy !req
335. You had to think twice
though, didn't you?Copy !req
336. No, I didn't, honestly.Copy !req
337. Which one of us then? If you had
to pick, which one would you pick?Copy !req
338. Go on, if you had to?Copy !req
339. All right, OK, I guess then
if I had to pick...Copy !req
340. It would be Super Hans.Copy !req
341. I knew you would, who wouldn't?Copy !req
342. You'd suck Super Hans off?
That is so funny.Copy !req
343. 'Screw them!Copy !req
344. 'I'll just keep trying to suck myself
off. I'll get there eventually.'Copy !req
345. 'Dobbie, my cupboard lover.
Stationery sex queen.Copy !req
346. 'I can't ask her out,
I'll be dead in the PR water.Copy !req
347. 'Oh, don't think about it.Copy !req
348. 'Just drink buckets of tea.Copy !req
349. 'Piggin' tea break!Copy !req
350. '"Oops, butterfingers, your clumsy
wife!" She has gone beyond, now.Copy !req
351. 'That is too much.
That is way over the line.Copy !req
352. 'Maybe I'll stick it back to
Harpenden, Harpenden, Harpenden,Copy !req
353. 'see how she likes that!'Copy !req
354. 'No, can't we leave
the mugs out of it?Copy !req
355. 'Even the mob never
hit the families.'Copy !req
356. So it's true.Copy !req
357. I heard the rumours
but I couldn't believe it.Copy !req
358. I'm so sorry about your mug, Mark.Copy !req
359. So you know Sophie's
behaviour's become unacceptable,Copy !req
360. I've instructed her to take a break.Copy !req
361. She'll spend some time with
her parents, in the country.Copy !req
362. Right. Wow!Copy !req
363. 'Oh, my God!
This is piggin' massive.Copy !req
364. 'I've won the spin war.'Copy !req
365. Would you like to...?Copy !req
366. Smash it? Er, thank you, but no.Copy !req
367. Very well.Copy !req
368. I can't believe I let
this happen on my watch.Copy !req
369. 'Right, Dobbie.
Who cares what people think?Copy !req
370. 'I'm back, baby. The bitch is back.'Copy !req
371. Hey, Dobs!Copy !req
372. I just wondered if you fancied
coming down with me to
the Fuck Bunker and...Copy !req
373. Is that what you call
the stationery cupboard?Copy !req
374. No, God, no!Copy !req
375. No, no... It's a venue.Copy !req
376. My mate's playing
a gig down there on Friday,Copy !req
377. and I thought it might to cool
to swing by and check it out.Copy !req
378. Your mate's playing a gig.
Check it out.Copy !req
379. Mark, you're not trying
to get away with pretendingCopy !req
380. you're a normal
human being, are you?Copy !req
381. 'She's the one! Oh, Dobbie,
let me chew on your weird hair!'Copy !req
382. 'I wonder if the A&R guy's here yet.Copy !req
383. 'Which one could he be?Copy !req
384. 'Could be him? Perfect cover.Copy !req
385. 'Or her.Copy !req
386. 'Or her. Lot of women here.Copy !req
387. 'Hmm. Women, there they are, walking
around, and they've all got them -Copy !req
388. 'under their clothes, hiding there,
but I know the secret.Copy !req
389. 'Vaginas.Copy !req
390. 'She's got one.Copy !req
391. 'She's got one.Copy !req
392. 'She's got one.'Copy !req
393. 'She's definitely got one.'Copy !req
394. 'She's trying to make out she
hasn't got one, but I know she has.Copy !req
395. 'Got to stop thinking about vaginas.
It's my big night.Copy !req
396. 'Mmm, vaginas.'Copy !req
397. Come on, open up for fuck's sake,
it's gig time.Copy !req
398. What's going on?Copy !req
399. Barney's locked himself
in the bloody bog.Copy !req
400. What have you done to him?Copy !req
401. Nothing. Jesus!Copy !req
402. He's a fucker! >Copy !req
403. Has he been sucking you off?Copy !req
404. No, course not.Copy !req
405. Yes. >Copy !req
406. Well, maybe once.Copy !req
407. What the fuck are we gonna do?Copy !req
408. We don't know how to play his...
our music. We're the frontmen.Copy !req
409. I was planning on
just waving a maracaCopy !req
410. and giving the hotties my sex eyes.Copy !req
411. Why the hell did you get him
to suck you off?Copy !req
412. I dunno, do I?
I was just bored. It's rock'n'roll.Copy !req
413. We're backstage.
Someone's gotta suck someone off.Copy !req
414. Iggy, Bowie, Lou Reid, TuPac...
They're all sucking each other off.Copy !req
415. < You're on!Copy !req
416. Shit! We're on!
What... What are we gonna do?Copy !req
417. Barney? Barney,
come on out, mate. Please.Copy !req
418. You go out, keep the crowd happy.
I'll sort Barney out.Copy !req
419. All right. All right.Copy !req
420. Just don't... don't suck him off.Copy !req
421. < All right?Copy !req
422. And don't make him suck you off.Copy !req
423. Just get him out there
without any more sucking off!Copy !req
424. Two bottles of premium lager
and two double whiskies, please.Copy !req
425. 'Don't keep the change!'Copy !req
426. Ah, good old alcohol.Copy !req
427. Facilitates the talking of shite!Copy !req
428. Long term, there's depression,
lethargy and addiction.Copy !req
429. But who's looking to the long term?Copy !req
430. Hey, everyone.
So, great, we're almost ready,Copy !req
431. but before we... rock you...Copy !req
432. erm...Copy !req
433. We need to find out... are you ready?Copy !req
434. Yeah!Copy !req
435. < Yeah, OK!Copy !req
436. But are you really...
Are you really, really, really ready?Copy !req
437. Yeah!Copy !req
438. Great, you're really... you're ready.Copy !req
439. So... Yeah, yeah,
so you're ready to party.Copy !req
440. OK, we know that now.
But my next question is...Copy !req
441. 'What is he saying?'Copy !req
442. Are you ready to party hard,
right here, right now?Copy !req
443. < 'He's just talking words
out of his mouth.'Copy !req
444. Mega.Copy !req
445. Wow, the ladies. Nice to see it's
almost as disgusting as the gents.Copy !req
446. It used to be all pink and tidy
but then feminism happenedCopy !req
447. and we all just started
pissing on the floor.Copy !req
448. Of course, girl power.Copy !req
449. 'Wow, this is better than
watching Jeremy dying on stage.Copy !req
450. 'She really seems to have
a thing about confined spaces.Copy !req
451. 'Just hope I don't go off
in my pants again.'Copy !req
452. VOMITINGCopy !req
453. What's that? >Copy !req
454. It's a nightclub, it's normal.Copy !req
455. She's... she's probably on drugs.Copy !req
456. She's probably having
the time of her life.Copy !req
457. 'Oh, God! I know that boot.Copy !req
458. 'I know that foot.
I know that crying sound.'Copy !req
459. Mark, I really think we should check
on her. She might have passed out.Copy !req
460. No, Dobbie! Hold on, no, Dobbie!Copy !req
461. Mark!Copy !req
462. Hi, Sophie.Copy !req
463. < You know her?Copy !req
464. Uh-huh, yeah.Copy !req
465. I'm his wife.Copy !req
466. She doesn't know what she's saying.
She's off her head on street drugs.Copy !req
467. What have you taken, Sophie?Copy !req
468. Who knows? Who the fuck cares?Copy !req
469. What are you even doing here?Copy !req
470. I thought you were staying
with your parents.Copy !req
471. I ran away from home to see
Barney, thanks, Dickhead.Copy !req
472. Soph, please.Copy !req
473. We are a bit married,
but not properly.Copy !req
474. It was never consummated.Copy !req
475. And you're not gonna
get Nana's cottage,Copy !req
476. so you can shove it
up your arsehole!Copy !req
477. OK, I'm gonna head off.Copy !req
478. But, Dobbie, I...Copy !req
479. 'I've been caught out, like
Angus Deayton or Harold Shipman.'Copy !req
480. You're like a life
support machine, Mark.Copy !req
481. Well... Thank you, Sophie.Copy !req
482. Except instead of giving life
you suck it all out of people!Copy !req
483. Uh-uh.Copy !req
484. 'My beautiful wife.'Copy !req
485. I wanna go home. I wanna go home.
I wanna go home. I wanna go home.Copy !req
486. I wanna go home. I wanna go home.
I wanna go home.Copy !req
487. What's going on?Copy !req
488. He wants to go home.Copy !req
489. I'll take care of him,
thank you very much.Copy !req
490. All right, grandad, hold on.
Can't they give us ten?Copy !req
491. He's in a K-hole right now,
but in ten the speed'll kick in.Copy !req
492. Can of coke and a ciggie,
he'll be right as rain.Copy !req
493. I don't wanna sit down.Copy !req
494. I wanna run behind the car
all the way home.Copy !req
495. We've missed our slot.Copy !req
496. Dance Witch Abortion are on now
and they're rocking out.Copy !req
497. Ah, Mark, of course.Copy !req
498. I'm so sorry about all this, Ian.Copy !req
499. 'Ian? He is Ian, isn't he?
Suppose now I've jilted his daughterCopy !req
500. I could call him Captain Cockring
and it wouldn't make things worse.'Copy !req
501. Super Hans, did I do it right?Copy !req
502. Yeah, yeah, you did it fine.Copy !req
503. What did you do to him?Copy !req
504. You've ruined this. >Copy !req
505. Why couldn't you have got him
to suck you off after the gig?Copy !req
506. < He did what?Copy !req
507. Barney? What makes you
do these things, Mark?Copy !req
508. I'm not the one he sucked off!Copy !req
509. I hate you, Mark.
I fucking hate you.Copy !req
510. Super Hans! I love you.
Don't leave me!Copy !req
511. He's not all he's cracked up to be.
Who's the really cool one?Copy !req
512. You should look a bit deeper before
you go sucking someone off next time.Copy !req
513. Prick.Copy !req
514. 'OK, what now?Copy !req
515. 'Go home and roast
the shit out of some meat.'Copy !req