Peacemaker 2x7

1. This is your perfect world, huh?

2. Guards, arrest that woman. That isn't me.

3. I can't believe you didn't realize we're in Nazi world.

4. Come on. How was I supposed to notice that?

5. Ma'am, you're gonna have to come with me.

6. Because of the copies of Mein Kampf on every desk?

7. Think I'd be this buff if I looked at books?

8. - Ma'am. - Or the giant fucking mural of Hitler?

9. Fuck. How'd I miss that?

10. Ma'am, please put your hands above your head.

11. Chris, what are you doing? Get away from her.

12. Emilia, I think we should break up.

13. What? Why?

14. Because of what I'm about to do.

15. The Sons of Liberty?

16. - Right. - Who are they?

17. The only resistance this world has to the worldwide Nazi oppressors.

18. - Nazis? - Yes.

19. Ever since the Nazis won World War II—

20. - Whoa! - What?

21. The Nazis won World War II here?

22. Yes.

23. That's the craziest thing I've heard since I found out

24. Cheeri-ohs has an H on the end.

25. What happened where you're from?

26. Cheeri-o ends with an O, how it's supposed to.

27. No, I mean with the Nazis.

28. Yeah, the Americans won.

29. I don't know who they teamed up with,

30. but I'm, like, 99 percent sure it wasn't the Nazis.

31. You must live in, like, a utopia.

32. I mean, anything anyone has here is at the expense

33. of those who are considered outsiders,

34. forced to toil away in camps their entire lives.

35. Well, that's whack.

36. Like, I couldn't just stand by and watch it happening

37. without trying to make a difference.

38. That's how I feel when somebody does graffiti.

39. That's not yours to draw on.

40. That seems a little different.

41. I just remembered something.

42. What?

43. I came here with a person who's technically Black.

44. Technically? Like, you can't tell?

45. No, you can fully tell.

46. That was, like, one of the first things I noticed about her.

47. Shit, we better go.

48. - What? - Now!

49. If they find your friend, you will never see her again.

50. Dad, everything okay? I'm kind of in the middle of something.

51. Drop it. This is more important.

52. What?

53. I'll tell you when you get here. But hurry.

54. Get her. She's getting away!

55. Come on, hurry up.

56. Zippity-zap, bitches!

57. - Judomaster? - Come on.

58. Shit!

59. Both of you,

60. put your hands above your heads!

61. - Wrap your arms around me. - What?

62. Just do it.

63. Fuck!

64. What the fuck, Chris? We went through glass.

65. I was aiming for the door.

66. I just haven't learned how to adjust it

67. - for carrying someone. - Jesus.

68. Hey, how big's the door back to our world?

69. I don't know. Why?

70. I wanna bring my Peace-cycle with me. Shit!

71. Stop or I'll shoot.

72. Don't move!

73. Dad!

74. In the kitchen!

75. Hey, this is all some sort of mistake.

76. Who the fuck is that?

77. I'm a casual thief who broke into the house

78. and then made up some shit because I was stabbed.

79. - Nothing I said was true. - You didn't make anything up.

80. Shit.

81. You're like a human lie detector.

82. Let's go. Come here.

83. Fuck!

84. Kid, we've got problems.

85. What?

86. Your brother, Keith.

87. I think he's dead.

88. I— I just saw him at ARGUS.

89. That ain't your brother.

90. And we've been wondering why he's been acting so weird lately.

91. It's because he came in through the library.

92. No, that— that's not possible. Dad...

93. Keith, I never talked to you boys about this,

94. but I saw my own doppelganger in there years ago,

95. and there was something...

96. Not right about him,

97. something cruel, like he came from a world that was a dark version of ours.

98. Eagly!

99. Look what they did.

100. Get them.

101. Kill them, Eagly.

102. Go get 'em, Eagly.

103. Go!

104. Fuck me!

105. Fucker.

106. If that ain't your brother, then he's out there.

107. We have to get to him before the authorities do,

108. because if he tells anybody

109. that we have a dimensional portal in our house, we are fucked.

110. Everything we've worked for is over.

111. - I'll kill him. - We gotta find him first.

112. You with me?

113. Emilia.

114. Emilia?

115. It's Emilia, too.

116. She's not herself, either.

117. I saw her this morning in his bedroom, standing there, talking to herself.

118. She was wearing... pants.

119. - Dad? - Pants?

120. I've known that girl for ten years.

121. I've never seen her wear pants.

122. There was something off about her the whole time.

123. She never heard of Helloween.

124. - That ain't possible. - Yeah.

125. Okay.

126. However many there are, then we gotta round them all up.

127. And you gotta keep your head on straight.

128. You were always the son that can do that.

129. Don't let me down, okay?

130. Let's go suit up.

131. What is this place?

132. The owners are out of town, so... I took it.

133. Found another couple places with no one home, but...

134. This one had the most snacks.

135. Followed Pissmaker into this dimension.

136. Got trapped.

137. You know the code to get back out?

138. I guess I should, but no.

139. People with me do.

140. Why'd you save me?

141. Didn't seem like a fair fight.

142. Thanks.

143. That was the most people I ever killed in a swimming pool

144. - with a telephone wire. - Yeah?

145. What was the second-most amount of people

146. you've ever killed in a swimming pool

147. - with a telephone wire? - Four.

148. Remember that time you tasered me, like...

149. A thousand times?

150. Yeah.

151. Sorry.

152. No. I don't want a piece of string.

153. You thought I wanted a piece of string?

154. No, I wanted you to beat those guys up

155. so they don't kill all of us.

156. Maybe you could get me a knife.

157. You are unbelievably fucking selfish, Eagly.

158. What the hell is up with this place?

159. I just went on a walk and...

160. Nazis won World War II here.

161. I've been reading all the history books on the bookshelf.

162. You don't want to be a minority here.

163. Or gay. Or Buddhist. Or... anything I am, really.

164. And, also, Cheetos with an H on the end...

165. Aren't nearly as good.

166. Jesus Christ.

167. Him, they love.

168. So, what the fuck do we do now?

169. Wait for nightfall, then we try to sneak back to the mansion,

170. find your friends, and get out of this fucked-up dimension.

171. Yeah.

172. You play Scrabble?

173. It's called Scrobble here.

174. That's random.

175. None of this shit makes sense.

176. - Police! - Freeze!

177. - Don't move! - Stop!

178. Hold it right there!

179. Get on the ground!

180. The two of you want to live,

181. you come with us now.

182. That the guy?

183. Luthor says that's the guy.

184. Sydney Happersen.

185. MIT super genius.

186. Literally wrote the book on dimensional interconnectivity.

187. Then he threw it all away to come work with Luthor.

188. So, this is Lex Luthor's communications hub,

189. - where he fought Superman? - Yeah.

190. This was my bay.

191. We got juice in here?

192. We're plugged in and ready to go.

193. Okay. So...

194. You want me to find rifts?

195. That's right.

196. Luthor said you could scan and track down dimensional portals

197. with this baby.

198. - Portals? - Yeah.

199. Yeah, probably.

200. Good.

201. Okay.

202. Well, why should I?

203. What?

204. Do I get, like, time off my sentence or something?

205. - No. - Well, then...

206. I don't mean to be antagonistic, but...

207. What's my reason for helping you?

208. I don't know, Happersen.

209. Luthor said tell him just to do it,

210. and you would do it.

211. I can go back and tell him that his boy let him down.

212. No.

213. I was just asking.

214. Was there some particular area you wanted me to scan?

215. Start with Washington State. Go from there.

216. Okay.

217. There.

218. There what?

219. I have a ping.

220. Washington State

221. in... Evergreen.

222. That is an open portal.

223. - Holy shit. - And it's not our tech.

224. It's different. Ours always had a... wobble.

225. A wobble?

226. An unstable connection.

227. We could never keep it open for more than a few minutes

228. without it collecting dimensional detritus and eventually collapsing.

229. But this one,

230. it seems secure.

231. Fuck, yes.

232. Smiley, get a printout of this to Fleury.

233. Tell him to hurry to that location.

234. - Go. - Yes, sir.

235. Good fucking job, Happersen.

236. - Thank you. - I may keep you around.

237. Think we've finally got this fucker.

238. Yeah, so if Keeya can't accept my dreams,

239. I don't know what kind of partner that is, right?

240. She's crushing me, man.

241. Maybe you can't accept her dreams.

242. What?

243. You said her dream was for the two of you to own a pet store.

244. Can you accept that?

245. So, who's crushing who?

246. I can't believe Chris thought this was the good dimension.

247. For that piece of shit, maybe it is.

248. He ain't a piece of shit.

249. Jingoistic garbage person

250. with the musical taste

251. of the next-door boy from Toy Story.

252. Listen, listen, Rip.

253. I thought the same thing about his musical taste at first,

254. but you ever listen to Hanoi Rocks?

255. No.

256. Man, they're pretty incredible.

257. "Cruel Intentions."

258. "Hardcore Superstar."

259. He turned me onto a lot of beautiful stuff.

260. I just had to open my mind up a little

261. and get past the parts that were cheesy.

262. But that's what Chris is like.

263. You just got to open your mind up a little and get past the parts that are cheesy.

264. And then you find

265. he's about...

266. About the sweetest guy there is.

267. And, you know,

268. he's my best friend, so...

269. I can't just sit here and let you malign him,

270. even though you saved my life.

271. If he's so awesome, why'd he move to Nazi world?

272. I didn't say he was smart.

273. I'm sure he didn't even notice.

274. The sad part is, I'm not so sure

275. this Nazi world is as different from our own world as we wish it was.

276. Damn straight.

277. Man, if I would have known you was this cool,

278. I never would have tasered you.

279. Quit trying to change the subject

280. from me winning this game by a lot.

281. Fuck. I suck at Scrobble.

282. Darkness is here.

283. You ready?

284. Dude, I'm sorry he fucking stabbed me in my hand.

285. I mean, wait, I don't know who these people are.

286. Who's that girl?

287. What's this weird costume he's wearing?

288. I'm unfamiliar with it.

289. - Good save, John. - Fuck.

290. All right, you.

291. What the fuck is going on here?

292. Girl, I see where you're looking.

293. I heard you got moves, but you ain't got that.

294. - You think? - I think.

295. Hey, just let them go. They have nothing to do with this.

296. We're not going without you, Chris.

297. That's just not gonna happen.

298. Unless there's no other options.

299. Then in that case, yeah, we might go without him.

300. - Dude. - I'm just saying.

301. Just explain to me what is happening here.

302. With?

303. How did you get here in the first place?

304. I stumbled in here by chance.

305. And I never meant to hurt anyone. I just wanted to look around.

306. I was drunk.

307. And I was freaked out by, like—

308. Things that was the same and the things that was different.

309. Yeah.

310. So, I went outside for some air, and that's when Keith drove up.

311. My brother died when I was a kid, okay? He was my best friend.

312. I just wanted to see how he would have turned out.

313. And my other son, Chris, how did you come across him?

314. I was in his bedroom, and he snuck up behind me.

315. He had a gun pointed at the back of my head,

316. and he was ready to shoot. I acted on instinct.

317. And I stopped him, and I ran.

318. I was trying to leave.

319. - I didn't want to kill him— - But you did.

320. You fucking killed my brother.

321. Keith, pull it back now. You promised me.

322. I'm sorry.

323. Fuck you!

324. This isn't gonna stand, Dad.

325. Keith, stop it.

326. Look, he was on top of me, all right?

327. I saw this thruster on the front of his costume, and I just hit it.

328. And he flew off, all right?

329. He flew up into some protuberance jutting out of the QUC.

330. - So, it was an accident? - Fuck that.

331. Why'd you come back here?

332. I wanted to feel what it felt like to have a family.

333. You, Emilia Junior.

334. How many more are in your party?

335. Fuck.

336. Yeah.

337. Mr. Smith, Larry Fitzgibbon, Evergreen PD.

338. I'm really sorry about this. I'm a big fan.

339. But is your son here?

340. No, he ain't here. Sorry.

341. I'm really sorry, sir, but...

342. Would it be okay if we came in and took a look around?

343. You want to look around in my house?

344. Sir, your son was involved with some violence down at ARGUS today.

345. And not long after, he was at least in the vicinity

346. when 15 police officers lost their lives.

347. Yeah, sorry, but I can't let you in.

348. Come on, it's just a matter of time.

349. It won't take long until the judge issues us a warrant,

350. and then we're gonna be right back.

351. Then, kid, get your warrant.

352. Well, if your son is innocent, wouldn't it just be better—

353. I never said he was innocent.

354. But he ain't here.

355. So, you're not coming into my house.

356. Now, get off my porch. All of you.

357. Get back up off my property and into the street.

358. How the hell are we gonna get past all of them?

359. Ads!

360. What the fuck?

361. Hey, don't worry. It's me. And this is other me.

362. Hey, nice to meet you.

363. What are you with this guy for?

364. I hate this fucking guy.

365. This little fucking guy.

366. You hate me because I fucked you up?

367. No, you snuck up on me saying karate shit, wearing green.

368. What does green have to do with karate?

369. What's that symbol on your chest mean?

370. It looks like someone splashed their cum on you.

371. - Why do you want to splash cum on me? - I don't. Fuck.

372. That... that isn't what I meant.

373. Yeah, and if he did,

374. it would probably be as a joke anyway, you fuck.

375. He's all right, Vij. Calm down.

376. All right, fine.

377. I will try to get over it for your sake.

378. - Yeah, me too. - Okay.

379. Hey, Ads.

380. Guess which one of us is me and which one is alternate-world me?

381. The one that is talking is you.

382. Fuck, that's right.

383. She had a 50-50 chance, though.

384. Hey, Ads, his favorite Pokémon

385. is also Infernape.

386. That's something I don't care about.

387. Yeah, but what are the chances?

388. You forgot to tell her

389. - that we came to save her. - Right. Yeah.

390. Nazis took over the world, so we came to save you.

391. Great, I'm saved.

392. How are we gonna get in this house?

393. Let's kill the cops.

394. Such a good idea. Let's kill the cops.

395. I'm cool with killing the cops.

396. Fuck me.

397. Can't we just sneak in first?

398. - I guess. - I guess.

399. Man, this is weird.

400. That doesn't answer the question.

401. How many more of you came through that door?

402. And what I'm saying is, why the fuck should we tell you?

403. Well, we saved your life. Shouldn't we get some credit for that?

404. You saved our lives by murdering a couple dozen innocent people.

405. Cops around here ain't innocent, girlie.

406. Far from it.

407. That's the first thing you gotta learn about this place.

408. There's two more besides us.

409. - Is one of them a Black woman? - Why?

410. I saw her. I was chasing her.

411. Why the fuck were you doing that, Keith?

412. I thought she got out, Dad.

413. That's not what we're supposed to do.

414. Jesus, haven't you boys ever learned anything?

415. That woman is my best friend. I'm not gonna let anything happen to her.

416. I didn't say anything was gonna happen to her.

417. Did the girl get away?

418. Neighborhood thread says she did, yeah.

419. All right then, we're going to wait here a bit

420. until your friends come back.

421. And when they do, you're all gonna go

422. through that door back to where you belong.

423. You're never going to return here ever. You understand?

424. 'Cause I'm changing that fucking keypad.

425. - No fucking way, Dad. - Keith.

426. This motherfucker killed Chris. My brother, your son!

427. He's not just walking out of here scot-free.

428. Keith, you know what Chris was like.

429. I don't know, Dad. What was he like?

430. I loved the boy.

431. It doesn't sound like you did, Dad.

432. I loved him. You know that.

433. But he had issues. He was out of control, always.

434. The drugs, the violence.

435. He was a good person, underneath it all.

436. - You know that. - Yeah, maybe.

437. I know I loved him. I know that.

438. But I also believe this kid

439. when he said he didn't purposely try to murder him.

440. They fucking killed him!

441. Just to be clear, I wasn't here when that part happened.

442. Jesus, John.

443. Keith...

444. Revenge isn't gonna bring your brother back.

445. Awfully generous for a Nazi.

446. Don't call me that!

447. Don't call you a "Nazi"?

448. I didn't create the problems in my world, missy.

449. I don't agree with them.

450. I applaud you if your world is perfect

451. and you fight every injustice you ever see.

452. Is that what you do?

453. Unfortunately, I haven't got the strength for that.

454. I fight the madman murderers and monsters in front of me

455. because that's all I can control.

456. And at the end of my life,

457. when I stand in judgment before God,

458. I hope that he knows that I did the best that I could,

459. and I left this world a better place

460. than when I came—

461. Fuck!

462. - Vigilante, stop! - Dad!

463. Now, that's cause for enter.

464. - Come on, let's go! - Boys, let's go.

465. Fuck did you do?

466. What did you bring here? What is wrong with you?

467. I don't think he was a Nazi.

468. Chris, come on. He had Economos all tied up.

469. - Come on, we have to go. - He wasn't a Nazi.

470. Everybody back to the trophy room, now!

471. Hey! What about me, you bastards?

472. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

473. Police! Freeze! Everyone down!

474. Motherfucker.

475. Everybody stay back!

476. They're armed and dangerous.

477. Adrian!

478. Shit!

479. Get back, you fucking pigs!

480. Sons of Liberty forever!

481. Get me out of here!

482. Hurry!

483. Sir, are you okay, sir?

484. Come on!

485. Chris, come on!

486. What did you do to us?

487. Stop!

488. Get off him!

489. Get off him, please!

490. Stop!

491. What's wrong with us?

492. What the fuck is wrong with all of us?

493. I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry.

494. You killed your brother, you piece-of-shit!

495. This is me.

496. Everything I touch.

497. It's not your world that's wrong, or mine.

498. It's me.

499. Fuck!

500. Chris.

501. - Give me a gun. - What?

502. Give me a fucking gun.

503. Sorry, can't have you coming after him.

504. Hold it right there!

505. That's what you're looking for.

506. The rest of them, all of them...

507. Came and got me and convinced me to give it to you.

508. Chris...

509. That your take on it, Rip?

510. Yeah.

511. You are under arrest for illegal possession

512. of a dangerous scientific device

513. outside the parameters of the treaty of Qatar.

514. You have the right to remain silent...

515. You may wanna turn around.

516. I'm gonna use my spare time here to get back on Pornhub.

517. I'm about to drown this whole keyboard.

518. Okay, your funeral.

519. Show time!