1. This is it for certain, okay?
I create a game show.Copy !req
2. Two people on stage, right?
They flip a coin.Copy !req
3. One of them has to perform
open-heart surgery.Copy !req
4. The other one has to receive
open-heart surgery.Copy !req
5. We call it
Open-Heart Surgery.Copy !req
6. How about this? You
buy a Gulf stream G-IV jet.Copy !req
7. Already interested.
Take the wheels off.Copy !req
8. Get 'em off of there. Turn the
jet into an apartment building.Copy !req
9. People could live inside
their own private jet.Copy !req
10. We're currently coming up with
business ideas for Jean-RalphioCopy !req
11. 'cause as of today,
his bank account is blowing up.Copy !req
12. I made my money
the old-fashioned way.Copy !req
13. I got run over
by a LexusCopy !req
14. I still can't believe you won
all that money in the lawsuit.Copy !req
15. You barely got hurt at all.Copy !req
16. Do you want to get run over?
Because I know a guy.Copy !req
17. Super gentle. Minor scrapes and bruises,
major dollars and cents.Copy !req
18. I got it.
What are you amazing at?Copy !req
19. I know it. We both know it,
let's just say it at the same time.Copy !req
20. Creating spectacles.
spectacles.Copy !req
21. No,
I got it. You create Pawnee's first and onlyCopy !req
22. high-end, all-media
entertainment conglomerate.Copy !req
23. Absolutely. That's absolutely
what I have to do.Copy !req
24. What does it mean?Copy !req
25. It means audio, video,Copy !req
26. movies, 3-D movies,
nightclubs.. . Yeah.Copy !req
27. iPhone apps. If it's entertainment,
you're involved.Copy !req
28. Yes, of course I am.Copy !req
29. And you call it...Copy !req
30. Entertainment 7Twenty.Copy !req
31. No!Copy !req
32. Why? Why?Copy !req
33. You gotta stop screaming.Copy !req
34. I will, I just get excited. Why do
we call it Entertainment 7Twenty?Copy !req
35. 'Cause you're willing to go
around the world twiceCopy !req
36. for your clients.Copy !req
37. That is unbelievable!Copy !req
38. But listen to me,
listen to me.Copy !req
39. I'm gonna need you on my team
to pull this off, all right?Copy !req
40. I can't do this without you.Copy !req
41. I don't know, man. I can't.
I'd have to quit my job.Copy !req
42. Okay, I'll do it
without you.Copy !req
43. I have some
very important newsCopy !req
44. about our favorite mini-horse,
Li'l Sebastian.Copy !req
45. Yay!
Li'l Sebastian!Copy !req
46. He died last night.Copy !req
47. No.Copy !req
48. But we can take comfort in
the fact that he is in heaven now,Copy !req
49. doing the two things
he loves doing the most.Copy !req
50. Eating carrots and
urinating freely.Copy !req
51. When I walked in this morning
and saw the flag was at half-mast,Copy !req
52. I thought, "All right.Copy !req
53. "Another bureaucrat ate it."Copy !req
54. But then I found out
it was Li'l Sebastian.Copy !req
55. Half-mast is too high.Copy !req
56. Show some damned respect.Copy !req
57. Because of all he's
done for the town,Copy !req
58. we are gonna be holding a
small memorial service for him.Copy !req
59. But for now,Copy !req
60. I think we should bow our
heads in a moment of silence.Copy !req
61. I got it, thank you.Copy !req
62. It's times like this, when someone,
or some horse, passes,Copy !req
63. that you really take
stock of your life.Copy !req
64. You look around you,
and you start to realizeCopy !req
65. what it is
that you truly care about.Copy !req
66. For Li'l Sebastian,
I imagine it wasCopy !req
67. good fresh oats,
a trough of water,Copy !req
68. and a willing sexual partner.
Or non-willing.Copy !req
69. He was a horse, so I think
they had to do it either way.Copy !req
70. Hey...Copy !req
71. Hey, Ann, how's it going?Copy !req
72. You don't have to pretend. I know
you're supposed to meet Leslie here.Copy !req
73. But I'm also curious
about how it's going.Copy !req
74. Mmm-hmm. Leslie's busy,
she's working onCopy !req
75. the Li'l Sebastian
memorial service.Copy !req
76. But you know what? She did
give me this note to give to you,Copy !req
77. and she also wanted me
to kiss you deeply,Copy !req
78. which I'm going to
have to pass on. Okay.Copy !req
79. I really like my new
part-time job here.Copy !req
80. My office mate
moved down the hallCopy !req
81. so I have this
whole room just for me.Copy !req
82. And Ben and Leslie,
who secretly meet here...Copy !req
83. forty times a day.Copy !req
84. She drew a kiss monsterCopy !req
85. on the note.Copy !req
86. Yeah.Copy !req
87. Look,
you guys are totally welcome to use my office,Copy !req
88. just don't do
anything on my desk.Copy !req
89. Oh, we don't... You know.Copy !req
90. We just like to
work in the same place,Copy !req
91. and then we talk
and hold hands.Copy !req
92. Yuck, that's somehow worse.Copy !req
93. Yeah, it sounded
bad when I said it.Copy !req
94. From now on, we stop mourning
Li'l Sebastian's death,Copy !req
95. and we start
celebrating his life.Copy !req
96. That's what he would
have wanted. Amen.Copy !req
97. We need to send that glorious
beast into the great beyondCopy !req
98. with a display that rivals
the Super Bowl half-time show.Copy !req
99. Also, the budget is $600.Copy !req
100. So maintenance is
gonna set up the stage.Copy !req
101. Ron will be laying
the ceremonial wreath.Copy !req
102. Leslie, there's a 13th century
Italian poem by Dante AlighieriCopy !req
103. that would be
very appropriate.Copy !req
104. Oh, Jerry,
that sounds wonderful.Copy !req
105. Okay, Andy, I need you
to write a memorial song.Copy !req
106. Something like Candle in the Wind,
but 5,000 times better.Copy !req
107. Easy. Hey,
if you want a song from Andy Dwyer,Copy !req
108. lead singer of Mouse Rat,
you should knowCopy !req
109. he doesn't get out of bed
for less than $1,000.Copy !req
110. Well, he sleeps on a futon,
so we can give him 50 bucks.Copy !req
111. Sold.Copy !req
112. Okay, here is a memo with
some facts about Li'l Sebastian.Copy !req
113. I think you'll find yours
particularly interesting.Copy !req
114. It's just a list of facts.
What?Copy !req
115. Okay, mine says,
"You have a cute butt."Copy !req
116. That's weird.
Must be a typo.Copy !req
117. Yeah, Jerry,
it's probably a typo,Copy !req
118. because it probably should've said,
"You have a cube butt."Copy !req
119. 'Cause your butt's
shaped like a cube.Copy !req
120. Yeah.Copy !req
121. The question is,
why is my memo different than everyone else's?Copy !req
122. Cube butt, cube butt.Copy !req
123. Cube butt, cube butt.Copy !req
124. Well, the good news is
this is just tendonitis.Copy !req
125. How is that good news?Copy !req
126. The other option
was shoulder cancer.Copy !req
127. Really?
No.Copy !req
128. Look, you exercise a lot.
You're in great shape.Copy !req
129. Little things like this happen
with men of your age.Copy !req
130. Men of my age?Copy !req
131. How old do you think I am?Copy !req
132. Forty-two.Copy !req
133. I am 44, and I plan
to live to be 150.Copy !req
134. Okay.Copy !req
135. So. What's the cure?Copy !req
136. Get a time machine.
Go back to being 20.Copy !req
137. Dr. Harris, you are literally the
meanest person I have ever met.Copy !req
138. Okay, all the permits cleared
for the horse funeral.Copy !req
139. What was that tone?
What?Copy !req
140. Oh, nothing.Copy !req
141. I'm very sad about this.Copy !req
142. Question! Who's a genius?Copy !req
143. Answer, Tom Haverford.Copy !req
144. Reason,
Jean-Ralphio just startedCopy !req
145. an exclusive,
high-end production company,Copy !req
146. and he's willing to put on Li'l
Sebastian's memorial serviceCopy !req
147. pro bono,
just for the pub.Copy !req
148. Pub is an abbreviation
for publicity.Copy !req
149. Jean-Ralphio is a clown.Copy !req
150. This is the memorial
for Li'l Sebastian,Copy !req
151. not double-coupon night
at a strip club.Copy !req
152. First off, double-coupon night
is an incredible value.Copy !req
153. Secondly, this guy
just started a business.Copy !req
154. He's my friend. It
would really help him out.Copy !req
155. Plus, I'm gonna oversee everything
and make sure it goes great.Copy !req
156. Okay, Tom, we trust you.Copy !req
157. Make us proud.Copy !req
158. Make him proud.Copy !req
159. Why don't you just
Photoshop that out?Copy !req
160. Hi, Ann Perkins.
Hi.Copy !req
161. How are you?
I'm dying.Copy !req
162. What?Copy !req
163. Tendonitis.
Oh.Copy !req
164. I don't know if you should
lead with "I'm dying."Copy !req
165. You're right,
you're right. So.Copy !req
166. What's up with you?Copy !req
167. I'm just helping Leslie plan Li'l
Sebastian's memorial service.Copy !req
168. Li'l Sebastian died?
That's terrible.Copy !req
169. Yeah, well, he was old,
and he had a lot of ailments.Copy !req
170. Like tendonitis?Copy !req
171. I don't know.Copy !req
172. I don't have his
chart in front of me.Copy !req
173. Could you get it?Copy !req
174. What? No.. .
There's no chart.Copy !req
175. Oh, my God.Copy !req
176. Death is inescapable.Copy !req
177. Goodbye, Ann Perkins.Copy !req
178. Okay, so I'm meeting him in
a few minutes. How do I look?Copy !req
179. What are you going for?Copy !req
180. Sophisticated with
a hint of slutty.Copy !req
181. Bulls-eye.Copy !req
182. So nice to see you
so happy about a guy.Copy !req
183. Thanks. I don't know. When
I look at my life right now,Copy !req
184. it feels almost perfect.Copy !req
185. I mean,
we have to sneak around,Copy !req
186. but weirdly,
it's kind of fun that nobody knows.Copy !req
187. I could see that.Copy !req
188. Enough about me.
How's Ann?Copy !req
189. I'm pretty happy
right now, generally.Copy !req
190. Although I did see Chris today.
He always just throws me off.Copy !req
191. I don't want to talk about Chris.
Every time I hear his name,Copy !req
192. I think about the fact that he's
gonna find out about me and Ben,Copy !req
193. and he's gonna
fire both of us.Copy !req
194. And about how
much he hurt you.Copy !req
195. Yeah, there you go.
Yeah.Copy !req
196. Hello, Leslie.Copy !req
197. How long have you
been sleeping with Ben?Copy !req
198. What?Copy !req
199. How long have you
been sleeping with Ben?Copy !req
200. That's disgusting and wrong.Copy !req
201. I don't even get.. .
Why would... I...Copy !req
202. I've never had sex
with anyone anywhere.Copy !req
203. It's none of your...Copy !req
204. You have the nerve,
the audacity...Copy !req
205. Ben is my boss,
technically.Copy !req
206. And he is terrible,
facewise.Copy !req
207. And how.. .
How do I know, frankly,Copy !req
208. that you're not
sleeping with him?Copy !req
209. Maybe you are. Maybe
you're trying to throw me off.Copy !req
210. Hmm. Check and mate.Copy !req
211. This is an outrage!
Who do I call?Copy !req
212. Hey, hey.
Hey, hey.Copy !req
213. Hey, Ron. Listen,
you're just who I was looking for.Copy !req
214. Are you.. .
Did you forget the...Copy !req
215. Did you.. .
Can I get that thing?Copy !req
216. Can we just...Copy !req
217. Did you bring it?Copy !req
218. This isn't convincing.Copy !req
219. How did you find out?Copy !req
220. We've worked together
for a while now.Copy !req
221. I'd like to think I
know you pretty well.Copy !req
222. Plus, Ben butt-dialed me
last night.Copy !req
223. Okay, okay. And this is
how Eleanor Roosevelt would kiss.Copy !req
224. Whoa.
Eleanor likes the tongue.Copy !req
225. Hey, show me Pelosi again.Copy !req
226. Okay, lay down.Copy !req
227. Please tell me you hung up
before Ruth Bader Ginsburg.Copy !req
228. Unfortunately not.Copy !req
229. This is a scandal
waiting to happen.Copy !req
230. If you get caught,
which you clearly will,Copy !req
231. Chris will fire you.Copy !req
232. And I won't be
able to stop him.Copy !req
233. Ron, we're being
very careful.Copy !req
234. Oh, President Reagan,
my blazer popped open.Copy !req
235. Well, Maggie Thatcher,
let me help you with that.Copy !req
236. It's gonna be a bumpy ride
to this summit meeting.Copy !req
237. Our countries have
had a very... Okay.Copy !req
238. Yes.
special relationship...Copy !req
239. Oh, no!Copy !req
240. You've proven your point.Copy !req
241. In my heart,
I'm sad you had to die.Copy !req
242. Li'l horse, spread your
wings and learn to fly.Copy !req
243. Horses don't fly.Copy !req
244. That's why
I'm telling him,Copy !req
245. "learn to fly."Copy !req
246. Come on, help me.
There's a lot riding on this.Copy !req
247. This is what Li'l Sebastian's
gonna listen to in horsey heaven.Copy !req
248. Okay, let me hear
your favorite one so far.Copy !req
249. You're a champion
little horseCopy !req
250. And you're deadCopy !req
251. You're
the champion of deathCopy !req
252. You're
the champion of deathCopy !req
253. Maybe try to do oneCopy !req
254. without the word
"dead" so much.Copy !req
255. Or "death"
or "you're dead."Copy !req
256. See?
You're helping me already.Copy !req
257. So the only people that know
are my mom, Ann, and Ron.Copy !req
258. And they're not
gonna say anything.Copy !req
259. Right. Just no more
fooling around at work.Copy !req
260. Okay, yeah. We can't.Copy !req
261. Well, I mean, you know,
a situation could ariseCopy !req
262. where you do something good,Copy !req
263. and I congratulate you.Copy !req
264. Like, with
a professional hug.Copy !req
265. You know,
kind of like this,Copy !req
266. "Oh, congratulations."Copy !req
267. That feels appropriate.
Yeah.Copy !req
268. Yeah, I mean, I think we can
get away with thatCopy !req
269. as long as we don't
do stuff like this.Copy !req
270. Hey, lovebirds.Copy !req
271. What do I do with this?Copy !req
272. You can just
leave it there. Okay.Copy !req
273. So my mom,
Ron, Ann, and that guy.Copy !req
274. For the memorial ribbons?Copy !req
275. No doubt.
Which one floats your penis?Copy !req
276. They're all black.Copy !req
277. Maybe to the layman,
Jerry.Copy !req
278. Obsidian, onyx, midnight,
lost soul, rolling blackout,Copy !req
279. sleeping panther,
and void by Armani.Copy !req
280. Hey, Jerry, does this
look black to you, too?Copy !req
281. Ann.Copy !req
282. So glad I found you.Copy !req
283. Can I talk to
you for a minute?Copy !req
284. Um, okay.Copy !req
285. I need to ask you
a question,Copy !req
286. and if you're uncomfortable
answering it right now,Copy !req
287. you can take some time and
think about it. That would be okay.Copy !req
288. Okay.Copy !req
289. Is tendonitis symptomatic
of something larger?Copy !req
290. Really, that's the question
you wanted to ask me?Copy !req
291. I'm just very worried.Copy !req
292. I'm not sure that this
doctor's been properly trained.Copy !req
293. You know what, Chris? I'm sorry,
but I'm not your nurse,Copy !req
294. and I'm not your
girlfriend and...Copy !req
295. I thought I was twice,
and I was wrong,Copy !req
296. which was embarrassing.Copy !req
297. I'm just not ready
to be your friend.Copy !req
298. Of course. I'm sorry.Copy !req
299. I do hope we can be
friends before I die.Copy !req
300. Hi, friend.
Hey.Copy !req
301. Hey.
Hey.Copy !req
302. What you saw was not
what you think it is.Copy !req
303. I was just congratulating her
because she got some good news.Copy !req
304. Oh, right.
Yeah.Copy !req
305. We were both kind of up for this thing,
this really...Copy !req
306. I won
the MacArthur Genius Grant.Copy !req
307. Yeah.
Yeah.Copy !req
308. Yeah, so that's what
the hug was all about.Copy !req
309. Sure. Congratulations.Copy !req
310. Thank you.
Hey, you know what?Copy !req
311. We'll cover
your duties here.Copy !req
312. You should just take
the rest of the day off.Copy !req
313. Oh, that's a good idea.
You should do thatCopy !req
314. and you should
get a massage.Copy !req
315. I have a gift certificate,
actually. My mom gave it to me for you.Copy !req
316. Oh, my God.
Yes!Copy !req
317. That's so nice.Copy !req
318. Okay. Well, thanks.Copy !req
319. Thank you. And thank
you for your discretion.Copy !req
320. You got it.Copy !req
321. It was great to see you,
George. Yes.Copy !req
322. Welcome, everyone.Copy !req
323. Sebastian may have
been li'l,Copy !req
324. but his impact on this town
and the Parks DepartmentCopy !req
325. was anything but li'l.Copy !req
326. I would like to introduce his owners,
Michael and Elizabeth StoneCopy !req
327. and two of his
closest friends.Copy !req
328. Cue music and lights, and...Copy !req
329. Go Ladybug, go Coconut.Copy !req
330. Coconut and Ladybug
both in position.Copy !req
331. Not only was
Coconut a friend,Copy !req
332. but she was also a lover.Copy !req
333. Our deepest
sympathy is with you.Copy !req
334. Coconut just took a dump on
the stage. We gotta clean that up.Copy !req
335. Code red. Coconut
just took a dump onstage.Copy !req
336. Hey, Leslie.Copy !req
337. The maintenance guy bailed
on us. No one knows where he is.Copy !req
338. He had the fuel for
the eternal flame.Copy !req
339. No way. That guy left? What a...Copy !req
340. Okay. Start
the video presentation.Copy !req
341. I'll deal with it.
All right.Copy !req
342. Jerry, I need you to
go get some propane.Copy !req
343. No, what about my poem?Copy !req
344. No one wants you to read a poem,
okay, Jerry?Copy !req
345. What everyone wants,Copy !req
346. what Li'l Sebastian wants,Copy !req
347. is for you to get propane.Copy !req
348. Fine. I'll do it
for Li'l Sebastian.Copy !req
349. Now we have
a special presentation,Copy !req
350. courtesy of the folks
at Entertainment 7Twenty.Copy !req
351. Hope you brought
a change of clothes.Copy !req
352. 'Cause your eyes are
about to piss tears.Copy !req
353. You nasty.Copy !req
354. Who are we?Copy !req
355. Where are we going in life?Copy !req
356. What is the meaning
of all of this?Copy !req
357. These are questions Li'l
Sebastian never had to answerCopy !req
358. because he was a horse.Copy !req
359. Instead, he just brought us
joy and happiness.Copy !req
360. And isn't that the point?Copy !req
361. You gotta join the company.
I'm the bank. You're the money.Copy !req
362. I know, J,
but it'd be a big leap.Copy !req
363. And I will take
that leap with you.Copy !req
364. I'm Thelma,
you're Louise.Copy !req
365. You can't die
full of regret.Copy !req
366. Why don't you live your life
like that cow from the video?Copy !req
367. He was a horse.
Yeah.Copy !req
368. Because he followed
his dreams.Copy !req
369. There was no
obstacle too large.Copy !req
370. No mountain too high.Copy !req
371. No valley too low.Copy !req
372. Li'l Sebastian had a long life,
filled with wonder.Copy !req
373. Good night, Li'l Sebastian.Copy !req
374. Forever.Copy !req
375. We'd like to encourage
everyone to buy our merchandise.Copy !req
376. All the proceeds will go towards
Li'l Sebastian's favorite charity,Copy !req
377. the Afghan
Institute of Learning.Copy !req
378. Next, we have
a special musical tributeCopy !req
379. by Mr. Andy Dwyer.Copy !req
380. What's 5,000 times better
than a candle in the wind?Copy !req
381. This song is called
5, 000 Candles in the Wind.Copy !req
382. Up in horsey heavenCopy !req
383. Here's the thingCopy !req
384. You trade your legs
for angel's wingsCopy !req
385. And once we've
all said goodbyeCopy !req
386. You take a running leap
and you learn to flyCopy !req
387. Bye-bye, Li'l SebastianCopy !req
388. I miss you in
the saddest fashionCopy !req
389. Bye-bye, Li'l SebastianCopy !req
390. You're 5, 000
candles in the windCopy !req
391. Hey,Copy !req
392. why is Perd Hapley unveiling
the memorial stone?Copy !req
393. Because Joe from sewage
had to hand out the armbands,Copy !req
394. and Perd had to
fill in for Mortenson,Copy !req
395. and Mortenson had to
fill in for Howser.Copy !req
396. Okay, well,
why couldn't Donna do it?Copy !req
397. Because Donna's reading
Jerry's Italian poem.Copy !req
398. This is sort of a mess.Copy !req
399. No, it's okay, we're...Copy !req
400. What the hell, Leslie?Copy !req
401. I thought I was supposed to
lay the ceremonial wreath.Copy !req
402. Why is Councilman
Howser doing it?Copy !req
403. Because you are doingCopy !req
404. something better.Copy !req
405. You are lighting
the memorial flame,Copy !req
406. which is
the greatest honor of all.Copy !req
407. Oh, my God.
Ron, congratulations.Copy !req
408. I saved it for you, Ron.Copy !req
409. Who caught you guys?Copy !req
410. A very nosy
maintenance worker,Copy !req
411. and we talked to him,
and now we're all friends,Copy !req
412. and he's not gonna
tell on us. It's totally fine.Copy !req
413. I think if you would know
one thing about me,Copy !req
414. it would be that I prefer laying
wreaths to lighting torches.Copy !req
415. I have cried twice
in my life.Copy !req
416. Once when I was seven,Copy !req
417. and I was hit
by a school bus.Copy !req
418. And then again when I heard
that Li'l Sebastian had passed.Copy !req
419. His memory will live on,Copy !req
420. as today we light a fireCopy !req
421. that will burn
on for eternity.Copy !req
422. Okay, deep breath.
I think we got through it.Copy !req
423. Thank God.
Yeah.Copy !req
424. Hey, Jerry, you put propane
in the eternal flame, right?Copy !req
425. No, they were out.Copy !req
426. So I just got a big thing of lighter
fluid. It's kind of the same thing.Copy !req
427. Huh? Oh!Copy !req
428. We planned that!
Wow, wow!Copy !req
429. We planned that.Copy !req
430. Yay!Copy !req
431. Please, Ron,
I am very sorry.Copy !req
432. I guess I put too
much fuel in the torch.Copy !req
433. Oh, I don't know,
Jerry. I think you're being hard on yourself.Copy !req
434. Ron, are you mad at me? 'Cause without eyebrows,
I can't really tell.Copy !req
435. Ron Swanson loves
his facial hair.Copy !req
436. And we burned it off.Copy !req
437. This thing that we're doing,
it's unsustainable.Copy !req
438. What, you want
to break up?Copy !req
439. What? No. I like you.Copy !req
440. Well, then...Copy !req
441. You want to tell Chris.Copy !req
442. What? No. I like my job.Copy !req
443. Well, then, what do we do?Copy !req
444. Okay, operation shutdown.Copy !req
445. No more secret hand-holding.Copy !req
446. No more smooching
in Ann's office.Copy !req
447. In fact, when we're at work,
we just shouldn't talk to each other at all.Copy !req
448. Okay, well, that's gonna be really hard,
and we could still get fired.Copy !req
449. I know. But it's worth the
risk if I can be with you.Copy !req
450. All right.Copy !req
451. Well, then, I'm in.Copy !req
452. What are you doing?
Are you kidding me?Copy !req
453. I'm sorry.
No, it's force of habit.Copy !req
454. So what do I do, Ron?Copy !req
455. Do I stay here or roll the
dice with Jean-Ralphio?Copy !req
456. I can't tell you what to do.
Go with your gut.Copy !req
457. My gut's really small. It's easily
irritated. I need someone to guide me.Copy !req
458. You have no interest
in government work,Copy !req
459. and you slow everything down
with your selfish attitude.Copy !req
460. I'd love for you to
stick around, Tommy.Copy !req
461. It'll be damn hard
to replace you.Copy !req
462. But I'll support
you either way.Copy !req
463. Two of my lovers in one
place. What a coincidence.Copy !req
464. Tammy.Copy !req
465. Hello, Ron.Copy !req
466. Ooh, what happened here?Copy !req
467. And more importantly,
does the carpet match the face?Copy !req
468. If you're looking for trouble,
take it somewhere else.Copy !req
469. An hour ago, a giant fireball
consumed my entire face.Copy !req
470. And it was far preferable to
spending another second with you.Copy !req
471. Tell that
to your pants-tent.Copy !req
472. It's just
the way I'm standing.Copy !req
473. Go back to the library,
where you belong.Copy !req
474. Hey, Glenn.Copy !req
475. Wanna dance?Copy !req
476. No, I'm okay.Copy !req
477. Just one dance?Copy !req
478. No.
With mommy?Copy !req
479. You know, tendonitis
is usually caused by overuse.Copy !req
480. Have you been working
out more than usual?Copy !req
481. I did do 10,000
push-ups last week.Copy !req
482. Oh,
really. That might have something to do with it.Copy !req
483. You need to relax.
You're in great shape.Copy !req
484. For a 44-year-old.Copy !req
485. Yeah. That's how old
you are, man.Copy !req
486. You're right.
I've been overreacting.Copy !req
487. I don't like
thinking about death.Copy !req
488. Death is the opposite of...Copy !req
489. Being alive?Copy !req
490. Exactly.Copy !req
491. Look at us.Copy !req
492. Talking like friends.Copy !req
493. Yeah.Copy !req
494. What the hell. Friends.Copy !req
495. Ann Perkins.Copy !req
496. Chris Traeger.Copy !req
497. What's the point in doing 10,
000 push-ups if you're gonna do them alone?Copy !req
498. I'd much rather do 5,000
push-ups with a wonderful woman.Copy !req
499. Sitting on my back to
increase my resistance.Copy !req
500. Copy of our new hit single,
5, 000 Candles in the Wind,Copy !req
501. and the new full-length CD,
The Awesome Album.Copy !req
502. Eighteen bucks each,
$40 for the set.Copy !req
503. That doesn't add up.Copy !req
504. You don't add up.Copy !req
505. Okay.Copy !req
506. Honey,
you are awesome at this.Copy !req
507. Thanks.Copy !req
508. April, I need
to ask you something,Copy !req
509. and it's the biggest thing I've ever
asked anybody in my entire life.Copy !req
510. Honey,
we're already married.Copy !req
511. No, this is way more
important than that.Copy !req
512. April Ludgate,Copy !req
513. would you be my manager?Copy !req
514. Seriously?Copy !req
515. Okay. Yeah.Copy !req
516. Excuse me.Copy !req
517. Are you Leslie Knope?
Yes.Copy !req
518. My name is William Barnes.Copy !req
519. Do you have a minute
to talk?Copy !req
520. Sure.Copy !req
521. We really enjoyed
the service.Copy !req
522. That fireball
was truly amazing.Copy !req
523. I'm glad.
'Cause it was planned.Copy !req
524. And you were also responsible
for the Harvest Festival, correct?Copy !req
525. Well, a lot of people
contributed to that.Copy !req
526. You don't have to be modest.
We know it was you.Copy !req
527. You did an amazing job.Copy !req
528. Thank you.Copy !req
529. We are part of a group
that tries to identifyCopy !req
530. potential candidates for
political office here in town.Copy !req
531. And we think that
you might fit the bill.Copy !req
532. Oh.Copy !req
533. Wow.Copy !req
534. Which office in particular?Copy !req
535. Well, there are a couple city
council seats we think are vulnerable.Copy !req
536. And the mayor's term
is up next year.Copy !req
537. All we need to
know right now isCopy !req
538. are you theoretically
interested in running for office?Copy !req
539. Absotootly, I am.Copy !req
540. Very sorry that I
just used that word.Copy !req
541. But yes. I just...Copy !req
542. I've dreamed about this moment
for a long time.Copy !req
543. Guess I'll be
heading home.Copy !req
544. Catching the number 12 bus
to Satan's butthole?Copy !req
545. Actually, I prefer
the number 69 trainCopy !req
546. to Humpsville station.Copy !req
547. Red alert, Swanson.Copy !req
548. Your ex-wife is back.Copy !req
549. No kidding, Donna.Copy !req
550. Not her.
The other ex-wife.Copy !req
551. Tammy One.Copy !req
552. She's in your office.Copy !req
553. !Copy !req
554. Would I have to
quit my job?Copy !req
555. Well, that's
a long way off.Copy !req
556. Of course.
But listen.Copy !req
557. When you run,
even in a local election,Copy !req
558. your life
becomes an open book.Copy !req
559. So if you so much as
stiff a waiter on his tipCopy !req
560. or use a government stamp for personal mail,
it will come out.Copy !req
561. So before
we go any further,Copy !req
562. I need you to tell me,Copy !req
563. is there
a scandal out there?Copy !req
564. Is there anything at all you
need to tell us about your life?Copy !req
565. Nope.Copy !req
566. All right.Copy !req
567. Well, we'll be in touch.Copy !req
568. Yeah, I think we can
do that for a million.Copy !req
569. Okay, we'll talk soon.Copy !req
570. There was no one on the
other end of that phone call,Copy !req
571. but soon there will be.Copy !req
572. Welcome to the Dreamatorium,Copy !req
573. A.K.A. the headquarters
of Entertainment 7Twenty.Copy !req
574. It's only two blocks
away from City Hall,Copy !req
575. but it's a whole
new world over here.Copy !req
576. We got a pool table,
a ping-pong table, a lounge area,Copy !req
577. a couch with a ceiling on it,Copy !req
578. in-house DJ. DJ Blunt.Copy !req
579. And best of all,Copy !req
580. former NBA superstar
Detlef Schrempf is on retainer.Copy !req
581. What's up, Detlef?Copy !req
582. Hey, Jean-Ralphio,
who's sitting in my clear purple desk?Copy !req
583. What?Copy !req
584. Who's this person?Copy !req
585. Are you talking about this
little sweetie right here?Copy !req
586. Yeah. That is our new assistant,
Tessa.Copy !req
587. I saw her sweating real sexy
on the StairMaster at Bally's.Copy !req
588. I need petty cash. My iPhone cover's
gross and I need to get a new one.Copy !req
589. Get it to match
your personality.Copy !req
590. Petty cash, money bowl.
Go diving.Copy !req
591. Gross.Copy !req
592. Why do we keep our petty
cash in a clear plastic toilet bowl?Copy !req
593. I don't know,
maybe 'cause we're...Copy !req
594. Flush with cashCopy !req
595. So, Tom, what does
this business do, again?Copy !req
596. It's a multimedia entertainment
production conglomerate.Copy !req
597. I don't know,
man. You have a lot of overhead here.Copy !req
598. Ever thought about
scaling back a bitCopy !req
599. and focusing on
building your client base?Copy !req
600. Thanks a lot,
Forbes magazine.Copy !req
601. But we didn't hire you
to give us business advice.Copy !req
602. We hired you to look pretty
and shoot baskets.Copy !req
603. So why don't you head
over there and do your thing?Copy !req
604. We want people to see you
when they come in, Detlef.Copy !req
605. We may not have any clients yet,
but we're about to blow up.Copy !req
606. First you set up the pond,
then you reel in the fish.Copy !req
607. Big D, hit me!Copy !req
608. Uh-oh, uh-oh,
uh-oh, uh-oh.Copy !req
609. Come on.Copy !req
610. We're living the dream.Copy !req