1. - OKAY.
HERE'S THE SITUATION.Copy !req
2. - YOUR PARENTS WENT AWAY
ON A WEEK'S VACATION.Copy !req
3. THEY LEFT THE KEYS
TO THE BRAND NEW PORSCHE.Copy !req
4. WOULD THEY MIND?Copy !req
5. MM...
WELL, OF COURSE NOT.Copy !req
6. THANK YOU, THANK YOU.Copy !req
7. JUST A LITTLE
SOMETHING I KNOW.Copy !req
8. SO WHAT'S UP?Copy !req
9. - UH, SOMEONE IS ON FIRE
IN RAMSETT PARK.Copy !req
10. THEY NEED YOU TO GET
DOWN THERE RIGHT AWAY.Copy !req
11. - OH, MY GOD.Copy !req
12. - I'VE BEEN SPENDING THE SUMMER
DOING A LOT OF ZOO PROMOTIONS.Copy !req
13. PARROTS LIVE
A VERY LONG TIME,Copy !req
14. SO WE HAD A BIRTHDAY PARTY
FOR A PARROT THAT TURNED 60.Copy !req
15. - YAY.Copy !req
16. CHIMPANZEES ARE VERY SMART,Copy !req
17. SO WE HAD THEM
GRADUATE FROM COLLEGE.Copy !req
18. AND THEY LIKE
TO FLING THEIR FECES,Copy !req
19. SO WE WERE HOPING THAT
THEY WOULD FLING THEIR HATS,Copy !req
20. BUT THEY—Copy !req
21. THEY JUST FLUNGTHEIR FECES.Copy !req
22. THE PAWNEE ZOO
RECENTLY PURCHASEDCopy !req
23. TWO SOUTH AFRICAN
BLACK-FOOTED PENGUINS,Copy !req
24. TUX AND FLIPPER.Copy !req
25. AND AS PART
OF OUR ZOO PROMOTION,Copy !req
26. WE ARE GOING TO GIVE THEM
A MARRIAGE CEREMONY...Copy !req
27. BECAUSE THEY MATE FOR LIFE.Copy !req
28. TUX, DO YOU TAKE FLIPPERCopy !req
29. TO BE YOUR LAWFULLY
WEDDED WIFE?Copy !req
30. I DO. I DO.Copy !req
31. BY THE POWER VESTED IN MECopy !req
32. FROM THE DEPARTMENT
OF PARKS AND RECREATION,Copy !req
33. I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU
HUSBAND AND WIFE.Copy !req
34. OH.Copy !req
35. WELL...Copy !req
36. OKAY, WELL
AT LEAST THEY'RE MARRIED.Copy !req
37. - ARE THEY MAKING BABIES?Copy !req
38. - NO, NOT THOSE TWO.
THOSE ARE BOTH BOY PENGUINS.Copy !req
39. - I'M SORRY?Copy !req
40. - TUX AND FLIPPER
ARE BOTH BOYS.Copy !req
41. SO YOU SHOULD HAVE
PRONOUNCED THEMCopy !req
42. HUSBAND AND HUSBAND,
TECHNICALLY.Copy !req
43. - THAT'S AWESOME.Copy !req
44. - STILL...Copy !req
45. YOU COULDN'T HAVE
ASKED FOR BETTER WEATHER.Copy !req
46. BRENDANAWICZ...Copy !req
47. YOU BIG SANDWICH EATER.Copy !req
48. - OH!Copy !req
49. MM, CUT IT OUT NOW.Copy !req
50. OH, JUST TO BE CLEAR,
THAT WAS A FRIEND PUNCH.Copy !req
51. THERE WAS NO, YOU KNOW,
FLIRTATIOUS MEANINGCopy !req
52. BEHIND THAT PLAYFUL PUNCH
I JUST GAVE YOUR ARM.Copy !req
53. - YES, I DO UNDERSTAND.Copy !req
54. UH, YOU'VE
MADE IT ABUNDANTLY CLEARCopy !req
55. THAT THERE'S NO ROMANTIC ELEMENT
TO OUR RELATIONSHIP IN ANY WAY.Copy !req
56. - YES. GOOD.Copy !req
57. ISN'T IT GOOD TO BE ABLE
TO JUST KIND OFCopy !req
58. HORSE AROUND
LIKE THIS AS FRIENDS?Copy !req
59. - IT IS... YEAH.
- YEAH.Copy !req
60. - I REALLY HIT ROCK BOTTOM
THAT NIGHT.Copy !req
61. AND I MEAN
THAT I LITERALLY FELLCopy !req
62. TO THE BOTTOM OF
A PIT AND HIT A ROCK.Copy !req
63. I REMEMBER LAYING THERE,
THINKING,Copy !req
64. "THERE'S PROBABLY A GOOD
REASON WHY I'M DOWN HERE...Copy !req
65. AND SINGLE."Copy !req
66. AND THEN I STARTED THINKING
THAT I NEED MORPHINE.Copy !req
67. OH, YEAH. I HEAR YOU MADE TWO
MALE PENGUINS VERY HAPPY TODAY.Copy !req
68. YOU'RE MAKING HISTORY, KNOPE.Copy !req
69. I LIKE THAT,
STICKING YOUR NECK OUT.Copy !req
70. - I—NO, I DIDN'T STICK
MY NECK OUT.Copy !req
71. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.Copy !req
72. - OUT OF THE MAINSTREAM,
I THINK THAT'S COOL.Copy !req
73. - I'M IN THE MAINSTREAM.
- YEAH, I KNOW.Copy !req
74. - NO, NO, NOT OUT OF IT.Copy !req
75. - SOCIAL ACTIVISM.Copy !req
76. - NO. UH-UH.Copy !req
77. PEOPLE IN THIS TOWN
DON'T REALLY LIKECopy !req
78. THEIR GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEES
BEING ACTIVISTS.Copy !req
79. LAST YEAR, A GARBAGE MAN
WAS SUSPENDEDCopy !req
80. FOR WEARING
A LIVESTRONG BRACELET.Copy !req
81. - HEY, LESLIE.Copy !req
82. SOME GUY WHO OWNS A GAY BAR
SENT YOU A CAKE.Copy !req
83. - PAWNEE HAS A GAY BAR?Copy !req
84. - YEAH. THE BULGE.Copy !req
85. IT'S BEHIND MY HOUSE.Copy !req
86. - THE BULGE IS A GAY BAR?Copy !req
87. THE NIGHTS I'VE WASTED THERE.Copy !req
88. - "LESLIE, HEY GIRRRRRRRRL."Copy !req
89. WITH EIGHT "R's.Copy !req
90. "THANK YOU FOR SUPPORTING
THE CAUSE OF GAY MARRIAGE.Copy !req
91. YOU ROCK!
THE BOYS AT THE BULGE."Copy !req
92. - THEY THOUGHT THAT
WAS A POLITICAL GESTURE?Copy !req
93. OKAY, NOBODY EAT THAT CAKE.Copy !req
94. TOM, STEP INTO MY OFFICE.Copy !req
95. - THAT'S ALSO MY OFFICE.
- YEAH, WHATEVER.Copy !req
96. I KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT GAY.
- NO, I'M NOT.Copy !req
97. - BUT YOU'RE EFFEMINATE.
- WHAT?Copy !req
98. - WELL, YOU'RE WEARING A PEACH
SHIRT WITH A COILED SNAKE ON IT.Copy !req
99. - YES, 'CAUSE IT WAS FEATURED
IN DETAILS MAGAZINECopy !req
100. AND IT'S AWESOME.Copy !req
101. - EFFEMINATE.
ANYWAY,Copy !req
102. SO THE POINT IS, DO YOU
THINK THAT MARRYING PENGUINSCopy !req
103. MADE SOME KIND OF STATEMENT?Copy !req
104. - YES, THE STATEMENT WAS
THAT YOU'RE VERY LONELY,Copy !req
105. AND YOU NEED A PET.Copy !req
106. - HUH.Copy !req
107. - LESLIE, THEY SENT YOU
T-SHIRTS TOO.Copy !req
108. - OH. WOW, LOOK
THEY SENT US A T-SHIRT.Copy !req
109. HMM.Copy !req
110. - MINE HAS A COLLAR ON IT.Copy !req
111. - THERE SHE IS.
LESLIE!Copy !req
112. - HEY.
- HEY.Copy !req
113. THIS IS MY BOYFRIEND,
DEREK,Copy !req
114. AND THIS IS
DEREK'S BOYFRIEND, BEN.Copy !req
115. - HI.
- HEY.Copy !req
116. OH!
WAIT, SORRY.Copy !req
117. WHAT'S THE SITUATION?Copy !req
118. - WHAT DO YOU MEAN?Copy !req
119. - HOW DOES THIS WORK?Copy !req
120. - DEREK IS GAY.Copy !req
121. BUT HE'S STRAIGHT FOR ME,
BUT HE'S GAY FOR BEN,Copy !req
122. AND BEN'S REALLY GAY
FOR DEREK.Copy !req
123. AND I HATE BEN.Copy !req
124. - IT'S NOT THAT COMPLICATED.
- NO.Copy !req
125. - OH, YEAH.
SURE.Copy !req
126. THE THING ABOUT YOUTH CULTURE
IS I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.Copy !req
127. SO WHAT CAN I DO
FOR YOU GUYS?Copy !req
128. - THEY JUST REALLY
WANTED TO MEET YOU,Copy !req
129. BECAUSE YOU'RE KINDA LIKE
THEIR HERO NOW.Copy !req
130. - OH, OH, APRIL.Copy !req
131. OH, PLEASE,
IT WAS JUST PENGUINS.Copy !req
132. - NO.
- I'M A PUBLIC SERVANT,Copy !req
133. AND I'M NOT ALLOWED
TO TAKE A POLITICAL STANCE.Copy !req
134. - BUT YOU DID,
AND IT WAS AWESOME.Copy !req
135. - YEAH, NONE OF THE OTHER
POLITICIANS EVER TAKE A STAND,Copy !req
136. AND IT MEANS A LOT
TO THE WHOLE GAY COMMUNITY.Copy !req
137. - OH, WELL...
- IT DOES.Copy !req
138. AND WE'RE GONNA HAVE THIS PARTY
TOMORROW NIGHT AT THE BULGE,Copy !req
139. AND WE HAD SOMETHING
TO ASK YOU.Copy !req
140. WE REALLY WANT YOU
TO BE THE GUEST OF HONOR.Copy !req
141. - OH, MY!Copy !req
142. - IT'D BE AMAZING
IF YOU CAME.Copy !req
143. - YEAH, YOU HAVE TO COME.Copy !req
144. - WHO—WHO MADE THIS?Copy !req
145. WE DID.
- HOW?Copy !req
146. - PHOTOSHOP.
- WHAT?Copy !req
147. - COMPUTERS.
- OH.Copy !req
148. - HEY.Copy !req
149. WHY ARE YOU ALL DOLLED UP?Copy !req
150. - OH, IT'S A LONG STORY.Copy !req
151. I'M THE GUEST OF HONOR
AT THIS GAY BAR TONIGHT.Copy !req
152. I GUESS GAY MEN
ARE STARTING TO LIKE ME.Copy !req
153. I DON'T KNOW, I GUESS THEY THINK
I'M FABULOUS OR SOMETHING.Copy !req
154. - WELL, YOU LOOK GOOD, GIRL.Copy !req
155. YOU GONNA
TURN SOMEBODY TONIGHT.Copy !req
156. THAT WAS, HANDS DOWN,
THE BEST INTERACTIONCopy !req
157. I'VE EVER HAD WITH DONNA.Copy !req
158. - LESLIE,
THIS IS MARCIA LANGMANCopy !req
159. FROM THE SOCIETY FOR
FAMILY STABILITY FOUNDATION.Copy !req
160. - OH, HELLO.
I LOVE YOUR TOP.Copy !req
161. - OH, THANK YOU SO MUCH.Copy !req
162. I WAS JUST HOPING YOU
HAD A MOMENT TO DISCUSSCopy !req
163. THE EVENTS
AT THE ZOO YESTERDAY.Copy !req
164. - WELL, I HAVE NOTHING
TO DO WITH THIS, SO...Copy !req
165. - WELL,
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOUCopy !req
166. AND THOSE FINE PEOPLE
AT THE SFSF?Copy !req
167. - WELL, UM...Copy !req
168. YOU COULD RESIGN.Copy !req
169. IF YOU'RE UP FOR IT.Copy !req
170. - OH, YOU'RE SERIOUS?Copy !req
171. - WHEN YOU PERFORMED
A MARRIAGE FOR GAY PENGUINSCopy !req
172. USING TAXPAYER MONEY
ON GOVERNMENT PROPERTY,Copy !req
173. YOU WERE SYMBOLICALLY
TAKING A STANDCopy !req
174. IN FAVOR OF
THE GAY MARRIAGE AGENDA.Copy !req
175. - OH, I'M SORRY,
BUT HOLD ON A SECOND THERE.Copy !req
176. MARCIA, THAT WAS
NOT MY INTENTION AT ALL.Copy !req
177. - WELL, WHY ELSE
WOULD YOU MARRY PENGUINS?Copy !req
178. - BECAUSE I FIRMLY BELIEVED
THAT IT WOULD BE CUTE.Copy !req
179. AND IT WAS.Copy !req
180. - LESLIE, ARE YOU MARRIED?Copy !req
181. - NO.Copy !req
182. UM, NOT YET, MARCIA.Copy !req
183. SOON.
PROBABLY.Copy !req
184. I HAVE A PLAN, BUT NOT—
NO, NOT NOW.Copy !req
185. NOT DATING ANYONE YET.Copy !req
186. FOCUSING ON MY CAREER,
BUT...Copy !req
187. - I THOUGHT SO.Copy !req
188. SO YOU COULDN'T
POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND.Copy !req
189. BUT WHEN GAYS MARRY, IT RUINS
MARRIAGE FOR THE REST OF US.Copy !req
190. SO EITHER
YOU ANNUL THE WEDDINGCopy !req
191. OR I'LL PUBLICLY
ASK FOR YOUR RESIGNATION.Copy !req
192. YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M SO TERRIBLE WITH DIRECTIONS.Copy !req
193. IF I'M HEADING
TO THE PARKING LOT,Copy !req
194. DO I MAKE
A LEFT OUT OF HERE,Copy !req
195. OR DO I GO RIGHT?
- IT'S A LEFT, YEAH.Copy !req
196. - THANK YOU.
- YOU'RE WELCOME.Copy !req
197. - ANNUL THE WEDDING!Copy !req
198. - HEY.
- HI.Copy !req
199. - I'M SUPPOSED
TO MEET LESLIE FOR LUNCH,Copy !req
200. BUT SHE ACTUALLY WORKS, SO...
- OUCH.Copy !req
201. - MARK WAS BROUGHT
TO MY HOSPITALCopy !req
202. THE NIGHT OF THE ACCIDENT.Copy !req
203. HE WAS HERE FOR A WEEK.Copy !req
204. I THINK WHEN
HIS HEAD HIT THE GROUNDCopy !req
205. IT MUST'VE
KNOCKED SOMETHING LOOSE,Copy !req
206. BECAUSE HE'S ACTUALLY
A PRETTY NICE GUY NOW.Copy !req
207. AND ANDY,
AFTER WE BROKE UP,Copy !req
208. HE TOLD ME
HE WAS GOING TO KANSASCopy !req
209. TO CLIMB MOUNTAINS.Copy !req
210. SO, I DON'T—I DON'T
REALLY KNOW WHERE HE IS.Copy !req
211. - HEY, HAVE YOU SEEN
THAT DOCUMENTARY ABOUT FOOD YET?Copy !req
212. - NO, I HAVEN'T.
BUT I HEARD IT'S REALLY GOOD.Copy !req
213. I WANT TO SEE IT.Copy !req
214. - WE SHOULD GO TOGETHER.Copy !req
215. - WHAT?
OH, YEAH—NO.Copy !req
216. I DON'T—
I DON'T THINK SO.Copy !req
217. THAT—THAT WOULD BE
LIKE A—A DATE.Copy !req
218. - OH, OKAY.Copy !req
219. SAY NO MORE.Copy !req
220. - MMM.Copy !req
221. I HATE SALAD.Copy !req
222. - LESLIE, I DON'T WANT
TO EVER KEEP SECRETS FROM YOU.Copy !req
223. - OH, ME NEITHER.Copy !req
224. LOOK, LET'S INVENT
OUR OWN SECRET LANGUAGECopy !req
225. THAT ONLY WE UNDERSTAND,Copy !req
226. AND THEN WE CAN
USE IT AROUND PEOPLECopy !req
227. AND NO ONE WILL KNOW
WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT.Copy !req
228. - OKAY.
- OKAY.Copy !req
229. - BUT IN THE MEANTIME, I'M
JUST GONNA TELL YOU IN ENGLISH,Copy !req
230. UH, MARK KIND OF
ASKED ME OUT.Copy !req
231. HE WEIRDLY ASKED ME
TO GO SEE A MOVIE WITH HIM.Copy !req
232. AND I SAID NO, OF COURSE.Copy !req
233. BUT I JUST—I JUST
WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW.Copy !req
234. - I'M FEELING A LOT OF
CONFUSING THINGS RIGHT NOW.Copy !req
235. - YEAH—
NO, OF COURSE YOU ARE.Copy !req
236. AND YOUR FRIENDSHIP IS
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO ME.Copy !req
237. AND HE'S OFF-LIMITS.Copy !req
238. - THANK YOU, MAN.Copy !req
239. I JUST WANT YOU
TO KNOW I WAS REALLY SERIOUSCopy !req
240. ABOUT THAT SECRET LANGUAGE.
- I KNOW.Copy !req
241. - I CAN'T BELIEVE
THIS IS A GAY BAR.Copy !req
242. - YEAH, ESPECIALLY
WITH THAT HETEROSEXUAL COWBOYCopy !req
243. GREETING US ON THE WAY IN.
- WHERE SHOULD I DRINK NOW?Copy !req
244. - THERE'S A BAR ON EIGHTH STREET
CALLED PITCHERS AND CATCHERS.Copy !req
245. YOU CAN GO THERE.
- YEAH. HEY!Copy !req
246. HEY, LISTEN,
HERE'S THE PLAN.Copy !req
247. OUR POSITION IS
WE HAVE NO POSITION.Copy !req
248. SO LET'S JUST SAY
THANK YOU FOR THE PARTY,Copy !req
249. BUT WE REGRETFULLY DECLINE
YOUR OFFER TO HONOR ME.Copy !req
250. - OH, MY GOD!
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU CAME.Copy !req
251. - OH, HI, APRIL.
- DEREK, IT'S LESLIE KNOPE!Copy !req
252. - LESLIE KNOPE,
YOU'RE MY HERO.Copy !req
253. - OH, NICE.
- LESLIE...Copy !req
254. YOU ARE LOOKING HOT.
- REALLY?Copy !req
255. AW, THANK YOU, BEN!Copy !req
256. AW, I'M REALLY
ENJOYING THIS HUG.Copy !req
257. IT'S SO NICE, BUT I NEED
TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.Copy !req
258. - THIS ONE IS ON US.Copy !req
259. - WELL, IF IT'S FREE.Copy !req
260. - LESLIE KNOPE!Copy !req
261. - SHE—SHE'S LESLIE KNOPE
AND SHE WANTS TO RECRUIT YOU.Copy !req
262. - NO, NO, NO, NO.Copy !req
263. OH, MY. OKAY, PLEASE—Copy !req
264. GENTLEMEN, FIRST OF ALLCopy !req
265. I WOULD JUST LIKE
TO SAY THANK YOU SO MUCHCopy !req
266. FOR THROWING ME THIS PARTY.Copy !req
267. ESPECIALLY ON A NIGHT
WHEN THE COLTS ARE PLAYING.Copy !req
268. - WE LOVE YOU, LESLIE!Copy !req
269. - OKAY.Copy !req
270. HUH, THIS IS GREEN.Copy !req
271. HMM.Copy !req
272. LESLIE, LESLIE, LESLIE!Copy !req
273. LESLIE, LESLIE, LESLIE!Copy !req
274. LESLIE, LESLIE—
- OKAY.Copy !req
275. WELL, I WANTED TO TELL YOU
THAT I WASN'T REALLYCopy !req
276. TRYING TO TAKE A STAND
WHEN I MARRIED THOSE...Copy !req
277. PENGUINS.
- LESLIE, LESLIE, LESLIE!Copy !req
278. LESLIE, LESLIE, LESLIE!
- YOU'RE CHANTING MY NAME.Copy !req
279. - LESLIE, LESLIE, LESLIE!Copy !req
280. LESLIE, LESLIE, LESLIE!
- I JUST HAVE ONE THING TO SAY.Copy !req
281. TOGETHER WE CAN
CHANGE PAWNEE FOREVER!Copy !req
282. LET'S DANCE!Copy !req
283. - LESLIE KNOPE'S
IN THE BUILDING, Y'ALL.Copy !req
284. LET'S GET WILD!Copy !req
285. - I'VE SEEN SO MANY DUDES
FROM CITY HALL HERE TONIGHT,Copy !req
286. IT'S CRAZY.Copy !req
287. BUT I GUESS
THEY'VE SEEN ME HERE TOO.Copy !req
288. SO, UH, THAT'S NOT GREAT.Copy !req
289. - HEY.
HI.Copy !req
290. I GOT YOUR TEXT,
IS EVERYTHING OKAY?Copy !req
291. - OH, YEAH! THEY'RE
HAVING A PARTY IN MY HONOR.Copy !req
292. GO TO THE BAR.Copy !req
293. IF YOU'RE MY FRIEND,
YOU CAN DRINK FOR FREE.Copy !req
294. - OH, COOL!
OKAY.Copy !req
295. UH, AND MAYBE NEXT TIME,Copy !req
296. DON'T USE THE WORDS
"MEDICAL EMERGENCY."Copy !req
297. - I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE!Copy !req
298. - I'M REALLY SOBER.Copy !req
299. - OKAY, I'LL GET
YOU A DRINK.Copy !req
300. - YOU KNOW WHY
TONIGHT'S FUN?Copy !req
301. 'CAUSE EVERYONE'S SO GAY.Copy !req
302. AND THEY KNOW
HOW TO HAVE FUN,Copy !req
303. AND THE DANCING!Copy !req
304. JUST... IT'S EVERYONE
IS JUST WHO THEY ARE,Copy !req
305. AND WHO THEY ARE
IS JUST STONE-COLD GAY.Copy !req
306. I'M HAVING SUCH
A NICE TIME TONIGHT.Copy !req
307. I'VE MET
MANY INTERESTING PEOPLE.Copy !req
308. AND THERE'S
TWO BISEXUAL GUYS HERE,Copy !req
309. AND I GOT BOTH
OF THEIR PHONE NUMBERS.Copy !req
310. HA HA!Copy !req
311. - HAVE FUN LAST NIGHT?Copy !req
312. - I HAD THREE DRINKS
NAMED AFTER ME,Copy !req
313. SO THAT'S PRETTY FUN.Copy !req
314. PLUS, BEN AND DEREK ARE
TAKING ME SHOPPING ON SATURDAY.Copy !req
315. AND WE ARE GONNA FIND OUT
MY ACTUAL BRA SIZE.Copy !req
316. I GUESS I'M KIND
OF LIKE QUEEN OF THE GAYS.Copy !req
317. - BULLY FOR YOU.Copy !req
318. I JUST GOT A PHONE CALL.Copy !req
319. THEY WANT YOU
TO GO ON PAWNEE TODAY.Copy !req
320. - WOW, THAT'S HUGE!
WHAT'S THE TOPIC?Copy !req
321. - YOU.Copy !req
322. THAT MARCIA LANGMAN
FROM THE FAMILY THINGCopy !req
323. IS CALLING
FOR YOUR RESIGNATION.Copy !req
324. - NO!Copy !req
325. - YOU GOTTA GO ON
AND DEFEND YOURSELF.Copy !req
326. - WHY?Copy !req
327. I HAVEN'T EVEN OFFICIALLY
TAKEN A STAND ON GAY MARRIAGE.Copy !req
328. - THAT'S FUNNY.Copy !req
329. SOMEBODY JUST TOLD ME
YOU WERE QUEEN OF THE GAYS.Copy !req
330. - THAT WAS ME.Copy !req
331. - PAWNEE TODAY,
WITH JOAN CALLAMEZZO.Copy !req
332. IT'S KIND OF LIKE THE
MEET THE PRESS OF OUR TOWN.Copy !req
333. - IT'S THE BIG TIME, LESLIE.Copy !req
334. - YEAH, I KNOW, IT IS.
I'M NERVOUS.Copy !req
335. I JUST WISH I WAS HERE
UNDER DIFFERENT CIRCUMSTANCES.Copy !req
336. - GUESS WHO!Copy !req
337. - UM, MEGAN FOX?Copy !req
338. - ONE OF
THE DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES?Copy !req
339. NO, JOAN CALLAMEZZO.Copy !req
340. - HEY, JOANIE!Copy !req
341. WHAT'S UP, GORGEOUS?
GOOD TO SEE YOU!Copy !req
342. - TOM COMES ON THE SHOW
ALL THE TIME; JOAN LOVES HIM.Copy !req
343. - YOU HAVE THE SOFTEST SKIN
OF ANY WOMAN IN PAWNEE.Copy !req
344. - THANK YOU.Copy !req
345. - I WISH YOU COULD REACH
FROM YOUR TV SCREENCopy !req
346. AND JUST TOUCH JOAN'S SKIN
FOR A SECOND.Copy !req
347. - OH, THAT'S SWEET.
- YOU'D HAVE A TREAT.Copy !req
348. - YOU'RE PRETTY SOFT
YOURSELF.Copy !req
349. - HOW ARE YOUR KIDS DOING?Copy !req
350. - THEY'RE PRETTY GOOD.Copy !req
351. - IS IT TOUGH FOR THEM TO HAVE
A MOTHER THAT IS SO BEAUTIFUL?Copy !req
352. WHAT'S IT LIKE BEING THE
MOST ATTRACTIVE WOMAN IN PAWNEE?Copy !req
353. - YOU KEEP UP THOSE FUNNIES.Copy !req
354. I'M GONNA HAVE TO INVITE
YOU OVER FOR SUPPER.Copy !req
355. - WELL, I'LL HAVE
TO COME OVER FOR SUPPER.Copy !req
356. - OH! WELL...Copy !req
357. - OH, MY GOD!Copy !req
358. - ANN PERKINS.
HOW YOU DOING?Copy !req
359. I'M GOOD.Copy !req
360. HOW WAS MOUNTAIN CLIMBING?Copy !req
361. - OH!Copy !req
362. WHAT?Copy !req
363. - CAN I COME IN?Copy !req
364. I JUST WANTED
TO TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND.Copy !req
365. - SURE, YEAH.Copy !req
366. - WE HAVE
A CONTROVERSIAL TOPIC TODAY—Copy !req
367. THE GAY PENGUIN MARRIAGE
AT THE PAWNEE ZOO.Copy !req
368. SO MARCIA,
WHAT IS ALL THE FUSS ABOUT?Copy !req
369. - THE FUSS IS
THAT MISS KNOPE CLAIMEDCopy !req
370. THAT SHE WAS NOT
ADVOCATING FOR THIS GAY CAUSE.Copy !req
371. AND THEN THAT VERY NIGHT,Copy !req
372. SHE WAS THE GUEST OF HONOR
AT A PRO-GAY MARRIAGE RALLYCopy !req
373. AT A BAR CALLED THE BULGE.Copy !req
374. - MISS KNOPE,
HOW DO YOU RESPOND?Copy !req
375. - I'D FIRST LIKE
TO SAY THAT I WASN'TCopy !req
376. TRYING
TO ADVOCATE FOR ANYONE.Copy !req
377. I DID NOT KNOW THAT BOTH
OF THE PENGUINS WERE MALES,Copy !req
378. AND I WAS JUST TRYING
TO PERFORM A CUTE, FUN CEREMONYCopy !req
379. TO PROMOTE OUR LOCAL ZOO.Copy !req
380. - I HAVE TO SAY THATCopy !req
381. THAT STUNT THAT YOU DID
WITH THE PENGUINSCopy !req
382. WAS CLEARLY OVER THE LINE.Copy !req
383. NOW, MARCIA, WHAT—
IF ANYTHING—Copy !req
384. CAN MISS KNOPE DO
TO MAKE IT RIGHT?Copy !req
385. - UH, JOAN, WE DON'T
WANT TO BE UNREASONABLE.Copy !req
386. - OF COURSE NOT.Copy !req
387. WE THINK THAT SHE
SHOULD SEPARATE THE PENGUINS,Copy !req
388. ANNUL THE MARRIAGE,
REIMBURSE THE TAXPAYERSCopy !req
389. FOR THE COST OF
THE WEDDING, OF COURSE,Copy !req
390. AND THEN RESIGN.Copy !req
391. - OH, IS THAT IT?Copy !req
392. - THAT WOULD DO IT.Copy !req
393. - ANYTHING ELSE?Copy !req
394. WANT ME TO JUMP OFF A BUILDING?
PERFORM HARRY CARAY?Copy !req
395. - MOVE TO A DIFFERENT TOWN.
NO, I KID.Copy !req
396. FULL OF IDEAS HERE TODAY.Copy !req
397. - THIS IS THE REASON WHY
PEOPLE DON'T GO INTO POLITICS.Copy !req
398. BECAUSE YOU KNOW, I BUST MY ASS
FOR THE PEOPLE IN THIS CITY,Copy !req
399. AND I CAN'T WIN.Copy !req
400. I HAVE ONE NIGHT OF FUNCopy !req
401. WITH SOME OF THE BEST DANCERS
I'VE EVER DANCED WITH,Copy !req
402. AND SUDDENLY
EVERYBODY'S FREAKING OUT?Copy !req
403. - WOW, LOOK AT THAT!
WOW, WE'RE LIGHTING UP HERE.Copy !req
404. - OH, GOOD.
GREAT, LET'S GO FOR IT.Copy !req
405. OKAY, GREAT.
BRING IT ON.Copy !req
406. HOW DOES THIS WORK?Copy !req
407. - WELL, THERE,
YOU PRESS THAT ONE—Copy !req
408. - GREAT, OKAY.
HEY, YOU'RE ON THE AIR.Copy !req
409. - YEAH, I THINK
THAT LADY SHOULD RESIGN.Copy !req
410. - OKAY, GOOD.
THANK YOU, NEXT CALLER.Copy !req
411. - YOU SHOULD RESIGN
AND REPAY YOUR SALARY.Copy !req
412. - OKAY, TWO FOR RESIGN.Copy !req
413. THANK YOU, NEXT CALLER.Copy !req
414. - I JUST WANT TO SAY
THAT I LOVE THE ZOOCopy !req
415. AND THE ZOO IS REALLY FUN.Copy !req
416. - THANK YOU.Copy !req
417. THAT'S REALLY SWEET.Copy !req
418. - AND I THINK
YOU SHOULD RESIGN.Copy !req
419. - YOU LOOK GREAT.
YOU LOOK AMAZING.Copy !req
420. - THANKS.
YOU LOOK FANCY.Copy !req
421. - OH, YEAH.
THE MONKEY SUIT.Copy !req
422. IT COST 3,000 BUCKS,
BUT TOTALLY WORTH IT.Copy !req
423. I SOLD OUT.Copy !req
424. I GOT A BORING
OFFICE JOB IN TOWN,Copy !req
425. SO I GOTTA DRESS UP.Copy !req
426. YOU KNOW, THE GRIND.Copy !req
427. BUT I'M REALLY HAPPY,Copy !req
428. AND I REALLY FEEL LIKE
I'VE MATURED... A LOT.Copy !req
429. - GOOD, THAT'S—
I'M HAPPY FOR YOU.Copy !req
430. - SO LISTEN, I WAS SITTING
IN THE CUBICLE THE OTHER DAY,Copy !req
431. DOING SOME THINKING,
SOME GROWING...Copy !req
432. - AND SOME MATURING.Copy !req
433. - HA HA!
YES, MATURING.Copy !req
434. AND DARN IT
IF I DON'T JUST MISS YOU.Copy !req
435. - ANDY—
- AND—OH, "A"-CAKES,Copy !req
436. JUST—
JUST LET ME, UH...Copy !req
437. I LOVE YOU,Copy !req
438. AND I'M JUST REALLY SORRY
FOR THE WAY THAT I TREATED YOU.Copy !req
439. I WAS
THE WORST BOYFRIEND EVER.Copy !req
440. I KNOW THAT.Copy !req
441. AND I REALLY THINK
IT WOULD BEHOOVE USCopy !req
442. TO GIVE IT ANOTHER SHOT.Copy !req
443. - YEAH, LOOK...Copy !req
444. I'M REALLY HAPPY
FOR YOU ABOUT YOUR JOBCopy !req
445. AND THAT YOU'VE LEARNED
SOME NEW WORDS,Copy !req
446. BUT I'M SURE
ABOUT MY DECISION.Copy !req
447. - OKAY.
SAY NO MORE.Copy !req
448. LISTEN, HIT ME UP
ON MY CELL PHONE.Copy !req
449. I'LL BE AROUND.Copy !req
450. AND IF YOU WANNA TALK
OR GRAB COFFEE,Copy !req
451. OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT, OKAY?
- OKAY.Copy !req
452. - OH! GOTTA GET
BACK TO THE OFFICE.Copy !req
453. HAVE A GOOD ONE.Copy !req
454. - BYE.
- GOOD SEEING YOU.Copy !req
455. THE HARDEST PART
ABOUT LIVING IN THIS PIT?Copy !req
456. IT'S PROBABLY KEEPING
MY SUIT PRESSED.Copy !req
457. AND THE RATS.Copy !req
458. IT'S LIKE A FREAKIN'
RAT PARADE EVERY NIGHT.Copy !req
459. I JUST WANT TO BE
CLOSE TO HER HOUSECopy !req
460. BECAUSE I NEED
TO PROTECT HER.Copy !req
461. 'CAUSE THERE ARE SOME WEIRD
PEOPLE THAT LIVE AROUND HERE.Copy !req
462. - YEAH, IF
YOU LET PENGUINS GET MARRIED,Copy !req
463. WHERE DOES IT END?Copy !req
464. I MEAN, WOULD YOU LET
ME MARRY MY GUINEA PIG?Copy !req
465. BECAUSE I REALLY DO
WANT TO MARRY MY GUINEA PIG.Copy !req
466. I'LL TAKE MY ANSWER
OFF THE AIR.Copy !req
467. - I THINK
THAT'S A VALUABLE POINT.Copy !req
468. - YOU KNOW, ATTENDANCE IS
UP 30% AT THE ZOO, BY THE WAY.Copy !req
469. YOU'RE WELCOME!Copy !req
470. AND THAT PENGUIN WEDDING
WAS CUTE, DAMN IT.Copy !req
471. AND I'M NOT
GOING TO ANNUL IT.Copy !req
472. - I'D ASK YOU TO RECONSIDER.Copy !req
473. - WELL, I'D ASK
YOU TO STOP ASKING ME.Copy !req
474. BECAUSE IT'S
NOT GONNA HAPPEN, MARCIA.Copy !req
475. - IS THAT RIGHT?
- LAST TIME I CHECKED,Copy !req
476. I DON'T THINK
I—I—I MURDERED ANYONE,Copy !req
477. OR HAD AN AFFAIR,
OR DID DRUGS!Copy !req
478. BUT I APOLOGIZE.Copy !req
479. I APOLOGIZE FOR HAVING FUNCopy !req
480. AND FOR MAKING SOMETHING CUTE.Copy !req
481. - WHERE ARE YOU FROM
ORIGINALLY?Copy !req
482. - OH, NO!
WHAT DID I DO?Copy !req
483. - SO YOU WILL
NOT BE ANNULLING—Copy !req
484. - NO,
I WILL NOT BE ANNULLING.Copy !req
485. NO.Copy !req
486. LOOK AT THEM.Copy !req
487. THEY'RE JUST IN THEIR OWN
LITTLE... PENGUIN LOVE BUBBLE.Copy !req
488. I GUESS THAT'S WHAT IT'S
LIKE WHEN YOU MEET YOUR MATECopy !req
489. AND KNOW YOU'RE
GONNA BE TOGETHER FOREVER.Copy !req
490. - HI.
- HI.Copy !req
491. YOU KNOW WHAT I REALIZED?
- WHAT?Copy !req
492. - WE'RE JUST ANIMALS.Copy !req
493. WE DON'T KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT LOVE.Copy !req
494. - OKAY.
- YEAH.Copy !req
495. I THINK YOU SHOULD GO
ON THAT DATE WITH MARK.Copy !req
496. - OH, LESLIE—Copy !req
497. - REALLY, SERIOUSLY,
I THOUGHT ABOUT IT.Copy !req
498. AND... LOOK, HE MIGHT NOT
BE MY GAY PENGUIN,Copy !req
499. BUT HE COULD BE YOURS.Copy !req
500. - LOOK, I TOLD YOU, I'M NOT
GOING ON A DATE WITH HIM.Copy !req
501. IF YOU DON'T WANNA GO OUT WITH
HIM, DON'T GO OUT WITH HIM.Copy !req
502. BUT DON'T NOT
DO IT BECAUSE OF ME.Copy !req
503. 'CAUSE I'M REALLY FINE
WITH IT.Copy !req
504. ALL THAT'S IMPORTANT TO ME
IS THAT WE'RE STILL FRIENDS.Copy !req
505. - ME TOO.
- GOOD, GREAT.Copy !req
506. PLUS, I ALREADY
CALLED AND TOLD HIMCopy !req
507. THAT YOU WERE DYING TO GO OUT
WITH HIM, SO HAVE FUN.Copy !req
508. - HUH?Copy !req
509. - SO I TRANSFERRED
THE PENGUINS TO A ZOO IN IOWA.Copy !req
510. GAY MARRIAGE IS LEGAL THERE,Copy !req
511. SO HOPEFULLY
THEY'LL BE HAPPY.Copy !req
512. AT LEAST
THEY'LL BE TOGETHER.Copy !req
513. OH, LOOK!
SIX FLAGS!Copy !req
514. I SHOULD TAKE THEM
ON A WATER SLIDE.Copy !req
515. THEY MIGHT DIE.
BUT IT WOULD BE SO CUTE!Copy !req