Parks and Recreation 7x12

1. I can't believe you got everyone to show us this early.

2. Well, today is our last day we'll all be together.

3. I need to savor every moment we have left.

4. I brought comfort food, scrapbooks and tissues.

5. Good Lord. Well, today should be perfect.

6. And any perfect day involves crying uncontrollably.

7. Which brings us to 2005.

8. The Circle Park renovation was complete,

9. and a young man named Thomas Haverford

10. was still two years away from getting hired.

11. Perhaps we could skip ahead, and just hit the highlights?

12. I mean, I planned a comprehensive retrospective,

13. but I guess I can just focus on the really important moments.

14. Ah! The debate about getting a pod-based coffee machine.

15. Garry and I wrote a little musical number about that.

16. And it goes a little something like this.

17. Why can't we just quickly shake hands,

18. pretend we liked each other,

19. and get out of here? I'm all for that.

20. No, April, Ron,

21. we need to celebrate everything

22. that we've done together as a group.

23. This is our last day here.

24. Who knows when we'll all be together like this again?

25. Excuse me. Hi.

26. There's a swing in a park near my house

27. that's been broken for about three months.

28. Is it possible to get that fixed?

29. "Anything is possible, if you follow your dreams." Johnny Karate.

30. Except getting a swing fixed. None of us actually work here anymore.

31. Come back in two hours when the office is open.

32. Thank you. Wait.

33. Actually, sir, we can help. We can, and we will.

34. Because when we used to work here,

35. helping people was our job.

36. Forget about these old stories. Let's make a new one.

37. Let's fix the swing.

38. One last ride for the Parks and Rec gang. Who's in?

39. Yeah!

40. The vote was four to three Donna said to get rid of me

41. But Ron was suspicious Because my coffee was delicious

42. Come on, Garry. You're the mayor now. Have some dignity.

43. Okay. So, first things first.

44. Ben, I need you to cancel that 11:00 a.m. flight to Washington, D.C.

45. 'cause we have too much work here.

46. Yup. I figured something like this would happen

47. so I booked us a backup flight at 6:00.

48. I love you. You're perfect. You get me. I'm so glad I'm married to you.

49. I cannot wait to fix that swing

50. so we can get your little butt right in to it.

51. I know it's weird. Whatever. It motivates me.

52. Okay. So, what is our first step

53. What do we do on our quest to help this man?

54. Does anyone remember? Yes.

55. A Parks and Recreation equipment requisition form.

56. Correct! Five points for Hufflepuff.

57. Well, everything is paperless now.

58. And none of us has a login.

59. So we can't access the computers.

60. Hang on. I have one right here.

61. Thanks to Leslie's scrapbook,

62. "Thanks Form the Memories".

63. I knew those scrapbooks were going to come in handy.

64. You came through like you always do.

65. God, I'm going to miss you.

66. Your confidence, your joie de vivre.

67. That crazy story about you getting kicked out of En Vogue.

68. Technically, I kicked them out.

69. When do you leave for Seattle?

70. Soon as I get my local real estate license.

71. I'm married to a teacher, and I love the man,

72. but I also love diamond watches.

73. Well, whatever happens, I know that you are

74. going to live an exciting and full life.

75. Thirty-four hundred square feet,

76. a beautiful view of Puget Sound,

77. and if you look out this window,

78. you can watch them build

79. the new Space Haystack around the Space Needle.

80. Wow. I can hardly see the needle anymore.

81. I know, that's kind of the point.

82. So, what are we thinking?

83. Wow.

84. It sold in two hours?

85. You cannot beat the Seattle real estate market.

86. I think it's all that coffee and legal marijuana,

87. has people wanting to buy houses quickly and irrationally.

88. Mmm.

89. But the giant commission check has me thinking about...

90. Mmm-hmm? Donna-Joe Adventure Quest.

91. Ooh! Where are we going?

92. Well, it can't beat last year.

93. I mean, Middle Korea is so beautiful.

94. Here's my idea. The Amazon. Oh!

95. Three weeks of the best and most

96. expensive places South America has to offer.

97. I love it.

98. Honestly, with the way work is going, I just need this right now.

99. The school cut the math club. And math.

100. They just don't teach math anymore. Oh.

101. My poor little do-gooder teacher baby.

102. Why don't we cuddle up on the couch, watch a movie,

103. and then maybe later, I'll wear that little red thing?

104. Yes, the red thing. Here, let me get this.

105. Call Satan's Niece.

106. Hey, what do you want?

107. And this is me DJing a boat party in Venezuela.

108. Kind of reminded me of the two weeks you and I spent there.

109. Oh, yeah. That happened. Yeah, it did.

110. April! What are you doing here?

111. Babe, have a seat.

112. What's going on?

113. Recently, I was thinking, for the millionth time,

114. how lucky I am to have found you.

115. So, I've decided to treat yo' self.

116. You're going to buy me a bunch of leather handbags?

117. Donna is going to take some of the money

118. you usually use on your trips

119. and establish an education program

120. through the foundation I work for.

121. It's called Teach Yo' Self.

122. And you and the other teachers

123. will get money for after-school programs.

124. For music, art, math, whatever you want.

125. Baby, this is really generous.

126. But I love our trips.

127. And honestly, it's your money.

128. You should spend it how you want.

129. This is what I want. I've had a lot of adventures.

130. I single-handedly started that doorknockers earring trend.

131. I came in ninth in Italy's Got Talent. Yeah.

132. I served on a NASCAR pit crew.

133. I want a new kind of adventure,

134. and I want to take it with you.

135. Okay, I feel like it's time for me to get out of here.

136. What is this mess? Why are you all in my office?

137. I am calm.

138. I am grateful. I am Craig.

139. We are on one last mission to help the people of Pawnee.

140. Craig, can you sign the requisition form? It will speed things up.

141. You know, Craig, when I first met you,

142. I thought, "There is a man who loves his job."

143. And then I thought, "Oh, wow, he's intense."

144. And then I thought, "Oh, no, he's insane.

145. "That person is psychotic, and I need to call the police."

146. Yeah, that's usually the way it goes.

147. But I just think you've come so far.

148. And I'm so glad that we are leaving

149. the Parks Department in your hands.

150. Funny though it's true

151. Those silly things you do

152. They only bring me

153. Closer to you

154. My name is Craig Middlebrooks,

155. I'm the part-time sommelier here at Tom's Bistro,

156. and I'm a very good singer!

157. Nice crooning, buddy.

158. The gentleman over by the bar there

159. sent you over this glass of wine,

160. and his business card.

161. Okay. So, as you all know...

162. Okay, fine.

163. We are gathered here today

164. to join Craig Middlebrooks and Typhoon Montalban

165. in holy matrimony.

166. I don't know about this. I'm very scared.

167. Oh, just relax, you nervous nelly.

168. You're right. We love each other,

169. and the tax break is substantial.

170. Will the best man please present the rings?

171. Good luck, you two.

172. Typhoon, my love, happy anniversary.

173. Do you have any regrets?

174. Not one. Not a single one. Do you have any regrets?

175. Are you kidding? Thousands!

176. Most recently, this trout!

177. Okay! April and Andy, I need to file this.

178. Would anyone like to accompany me to the fourth floor?

179. One last journey to the weirdest place on earth? Yes.

180. Shotgun! We're just taking the elevator.

181. I get to push buttons. I called it.

182. Okay. He called it.

183. Yeah, I know. I heard.

184. Ethel Beavers. We need this filed, please.

185. We've gone digital. Get with the times, you Luddite.

186. Man. Of all the places in Pawnee,

187. I'm going to miss the fourth floor the most.

188. The disturbing murals, the ominous lighting, the creepy people.

189. Hi, April. I'm going to miss the food in Pawnee.

190. Taco Bell, KFC, Pizza Hut.

191. But most of all, I'm going to miss you, Leslie.

192. Oh, Andy, all of those things,

193. including me, will still be with you in Washington.

194. That is a beautiful sentiment.

195. I just want to say that we are about

196. to embark on an amazing adventure.

197. And whatever happens,

198. just know that Ben and I are always there for you.

199. Mmm.

200. Agent Macklin, I need you.

201. Some thieves are trying to steal

202. the legendary Snakehole Sapphire.

203. What the... No!

204. That sapphire has the power to activate the Cuban Missile Crisis.

205. Miss Snakehole, listen to me very carefully.

206. You are in grave danger.

207. In order to survive,

208. you must do everything I tell you.

209. Damn it, Macklin,

210. I love it when you take charge.

211. I must have you.

212. I know it's against protocol but make love to me, you fool!

213. You animal!

214. Wait, seriously? 'Cause I will do that right now.

215. Okay. Raincheck that, all right?

216. They're here.

217. Trick or treat!

218. Oh, look at them! Here you go, you little monsters!

219. I love this. You guys are the best.

220. My love, we have to go.

221. Just put all the candy in a bowl or something.

222. What's wrong? Did you eat all the candy? No!

223. Did you? Yes,

224. but that's not what's wrong.

225. It's just... Seeing all those kids out there...

226. Babe.

227. I want to put a babe in you, babe.

228. Andy, you know where I stand on this.

229. Yes, I would love all the awesome stuff

230. my body would go through.

231. I mean, if all it meant was puking

232. and getting weird stretch marks

233. and veins everywhere, then sign me up.

234. But at the end, we've brought a child into the world?

235. That's disgusting.

236. No. They wipe all of the disgusting stuff off of it immediately.

237. I want a little April.

238. Or even a little boy April.

239. I know, I just can't wrap my head around it.

240. We're going to be late for dinner.

241. Okay. Let's go.

242. Hey! Come on in.

243. Hey! Always nice to see Janet Snakehole

244. and Burt Macklin in the mix.

245. What are you guys dressed as?

246. Oh, I'm Sandra Dee O'Connor. Get it?

247. Sandra Dee plus Sandra Day O'Connor?

248. Who's Sandra Dee?

249. Who's Sandra Day O'Connor?

250. Forget it.

251. And I am the Lamplighter,

252. a character from my new board game sequel,

253. Cones of Dunshire, Winds of Tremorrah.

254. Gameplay Magazine called it "punishingly intricate."

255. Wow, Ben, that is so cool. That is such a cool thing to dress up as.

256. You know, April, I know you think Cones is lame

257. but if you played just once,

258. I promise you that you would love it. All right, let's play.

259. Really? No.

260. Hey, where are the kids at?

261. I want to say hi and wrestle all three of them at once.

262. Oh, they're trick-or-treating in Georgetown with some friends.

263. It's just us grown-ups tonight. No kids at all.

264. Hey, Andy, why don't you give me a hand in the kitchen?

265. So? What do you need a hand with?

266. Oh, no, I just thought you might want to talk.

267. Whoa!

268. Dude, that's really slick.

269. Man, that's some secret agent stuff right there.

270. So, April's still on the fence about kids, huh?

271. Yeah, and I'm freaking out, man.

272. I want kids so bad.

273. You know, yesterday, I was at the park,

274. and I saw this group of eight-year-olds

275. laughing and playing and having a good time.

276. I almost started crying.

277. Granted, I had just face-planted on my rollerblades.

278. That's what they were laughing at.

279. Sure.

280. It was emotional.

281. You know April. She has to come to it in her own time.

282. She'll get there.

283. What if she doesn't?

284. Take one of our kids. We don't need all three.

285. Oh, my God, Ben. Thank you.

286. Oh, no, no, I was kidding.

287. Yeah.

288. All right, go ahead. What?

289. You're going to lecture me about how

290. Andy and I should have kids.

291. You're going to be like, "They're so great. They change your life.

292. "And yes, they drive you nuts, but it's all worth it

293. "for the beauty and the majesty and the glory

294. "of their little faces in the morning." Blah, blah, blah and barf.

295. You know why it's so unfair?

296. Because you guys got so lucky.

297. You had sex one time and you had three kids

298. and they're all, like, smart and great and healthy.

299. You think that's the only time we had sex? Yes.

300. And now, your lives are perfect.

301. But our life is pretty perfect already.

302. And you know what? Kids act the opposite of their parents.

303. That's why your kids are so cool.

304. But Andy and I are cool already,

305. so our kids will be, like, really lame and weird.

306. I'm sorry. I just don't know what to do.

307. Please tell me what to do. What do I do?

308. It's not about trying to make your life perfect.

309. Nobody's lives are perfect.

310. You have kids because you and Andy are a team,

311. and you want to bring in some new team members.

312. So, you think we should?

313. I don't know if you should have kids. I really don't.

314. But I do like your team.

315. All right, Ms. Ludgate. We're getting close.

316. Babe, you look more beautiful right now than I have ever seen you.

317. Wow.

318. Just your luck that you're going into labor on Halloween.

319. Can I get a warm towel to get that makeup off?

320. No! I want it on.

321. That's the whole point. I put the makeup on after I went into labor.

322. Whatever blows your skirt up. Okay. You ready to push?

323. Wait, no, babe, my birth mix. Oh.

324. He did the mash...

325. DR.Here comes a contraction. Are you ready?

326. Okay, I'm ready. Let's do this.

327. It was a graveyard smash He did the mash

328. It caught on in a flash He did the mash

329. He did the monster mash

330. From the laboratory in the castle east...

331. Burt Macklin Junior?

332. Mmm, we need a Halloween angle.

333. How about Demon Spawn Baby Satan Dwyer?

334. Oh, I like that. Yeah. Or maybe,

335. Burt Snakehole Ludgate

336. Karate Dracula Macklin Demon Jack-o'-Lantern Dwyer.

337. We call him Jack for short.

338. What a beautiful baby.

339. His name is Jack.

340. Strong name.

341. Listen, when you get a chance, will you sign these documents for me?

342. I'll be back.

343. Oh, hey... Hold on a second. Dr. S.

344. Yes? Hey.

345. It says on here that the baby was born November 1 st, 12:06 a.m.

346. I was wondering if you could change that to 11:59 on Halloween.

347. No can do.

348. You know, I'm a doctor. I have certain ethical responsibilities.

349. Yeah, I get it, it's just that Halloween is very important to my wife,

350. so could you please just mark down that the baby was born on Halloween?

351. I'll give you a good review on Yelp.

352. I can't.

353. Doctor, listen to me very carefully.

354. I don't know who you are or what you want,

355. but I have a particular set of skills.

356. Skills that I have acquired over a very long career.

357. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.

358. Is that the monolog from Taken?

359. My son was born on Halloween. Do you understand?

360. Yes, I do.

361. That's awesome. Thank you. Yeah, congratulations.

362. Yeah.

363. Hey. Hi. Oh, I want to scream, but I don't want to wake up my godchild.

364. I'm assuming it's my godchild, right? We can talk about it later.

365. Congrats, guys. I know it came unexpectedly early,

366. but pretty cool he was born in Pawnee.

367. Where do I put these? I have so many presents, it's weird.

368. Yes!

369. Oh, for the baby?

370. Just put them over there.

371. What's his name? Jack.

372. That's good.

373. Welcome to the team, little guy.

374. Take this down to maintenance.

375. I know just where to take it, Ethel.

376. And I know just the person who should accompany me.

377. I'm a little busy right now. Not you, Kyle.

378. How many times did you and I deliver

379. a form to maintenance, just like this?

380. Oh, so many great conversations,

381. bonding and mentoring moments.

382. It seems only right that we make this journey one final time.

383. What was that, boo-boo? Nothing.

384. Ohhh!

385. Tommy T and Sexy Lexy Knope.

386. What are you two bad Larrys up to?

387. Well, this is our last day in Pawnee

388. and we have one last problem to fix.

389. Hold up. You're leaving? For truth?

390. I am going to miss you so much.

391. What's going on? You're not injured?

392. Uh, yeah, I'm injured.

393. I got a terminal case of "get me to the front of the line at Six Flags!"

394. Sha-boosh!

395. It's a winter wonderland!

396. I'm gonna be so sad to see you go.

397. Because I finagled my way onto your family phone plan.

398. And when you leave, that all goes away from me.

399. Jean-Ralphio.. . Hush, child. Hush, hush, hush, hush.

400. Will you do me one final kindness?

401. Will you pretend to be my wife for an insurance scam,

402. but then we fall in love for real?

403. Also, can I have a pair of your gym socks?

404. And don't worry. It's not for anything weird.

405. It's just a fetish I have.

406. Jean-Ralphio. Yeah.

407. Although I truly hope that I never see you again,

408. I do wish you a long and happy life.

409. Today we say goodbye to Jean-Ralphio Saperstein.

410. As per his last will and testament,

411. we will now listen to his favorite song,

412. Bend Over, by Li'l Jon featuring Tyga.

413. Bend over make your knees touch your elbows

414. Bend over make your knees touch your elbows

415. Whoo! Okay, okay, they bought it. They bought it.

416. Do you have the insurance money?

417. No doubt, no doubt. Let's hit it, bro.

418. Time to start a casino in...

419. Uh, Tajikistan

420. Down in the ground

421. Talking about Tajikistan!

422. Shh, shh, shh.

423. This is the best idea you've ever had.

424. No, no, no. This is God's idea. I'm just the vessel.

425. When you sneak out of here, do not be suspicious.

426. Don't be suspicious. Don't be suspicious.

427. Don't, don't be suspicious Don't, don't be suspicious

428. Don't, don't be suspicious Don't, don't be suspicious

429. Don't, don't be suspicious Don't, don't be suspicious

430. Don't be suspicious Don't be suspicious

431. Don't be suspicious Don't be suspicious

432. Don't be suspicious Don't be suspicious

433. Don't be suspicious Don't be suspicious

434. Jean-Ralphio?

435. Go! Go, go, go, go! Tajikistan or die! Tajikistan or die!

436. Tajikistan or die! Tajikistan or die!

437. So... Tom and I have a swing to fix. Let's go.

438. Leslie? I've always loved you.

439. I know.

440. There's my bestie.

441. Hey, Jamm.

442. I'm glad I'm catching you before you jet.

443. Got a little parting gift for you.

444. Horrifying.

445. Yeah, Yoko had a real killer bod,

446. just like you.

447. I'm gonna miss you, Les.

448. You know, in a way, I'm gonna miss you, too, Jamm.

449. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

450. Hey!

451. Arigato. Arigato. Arigato, Daytona Beach.

452. Hey, be good.

453. Okay.

454. Oh, man, I forgot that maintenance was closed on Fridays.

455. What would our last ride be without one more bureaucratic snafu?

456. Don't worry, boo-boo. Tommy will solve this problem, no sweat.

457. Can I just say, Tom, you have accomplished so much,

458. you have come so far, now you're so successful...

459. Don't forget well-dressed.

460. Yes, and well-dressed.

461. I am so very proud of you.

462. Thanks, Leslie. I'm proud of me, too.

463. Nice crooning, buddy.

464. Uh, the gentleman by the bar there

465. sent you over this glass of wine,

466. and his business card.

467. Okay. So, as you all know,

468. Tom's Bistro has been presented

469. with a huge expansion opportunity,

470. and I don't want to make a decision until

471. I hear from my senior advisory board.

472. So, is this a good idea? Accounting Nerd.

473. I'm a congressman, Tom.

474. Can you at least call me Ben?

475. No can do, Accounting Nerd. We all knew you before you were a big shot.

476. Let's keep the whining to a minimum.

477. Well, there are always going to be risks

478. when you open new restaurants.

479. But you've done your homework.

480. All the numbers line up.

481. Side-note,

482. I would again strongly recommend adding calzones to the menu.

483. Hey, all my data suggests that the country's definitely trending calzone.

484. The worst. Ron?

485. It's a bold capitalistic gambit, son.

486. But nothing ventured, nothing gained.

487. Regal Meagle?

488. Real estate is pretty cheap right now.

489. If you're going to do it, this is a good time.

490. Okay. I'm doing it.

491. Over the next five years, there's going to be 20 Tom's Bistros across America.

492. Look out, world. Tommy's about to blow up.

493. (TOM NARRATING IN ENGLISH ACCENT) And blow up he did,

494. but not in a good way.

495. He lost everything.

496. Today, Tom Haverford is broke, destitute.

497. And worst of all, swaggerless.

498. Tommy, you've got to stop watching this. I can't tear myself away.

499. It's a whole documentary about my failures.

500. That you made!

501. I had to. I have to remember every tiny awful aspect of this.

502. I lost everything, Lucy. The franchises, most of my money...

503. I had to sell my pocket square collection!

504. What are people's eyes going to be drawn to?

505. Look, you had a tough break.

506. The stock market tanked, credit dried up.

507. Who could have predicted that the country would run out of beef?

508. You've just got to move on.

509. That's the problem, though.

510. I've gone bust in the past, but it was because I did something reckless.

511. This time, I was smart and careful, and I still went broke.

512. What do I do now?

513. Well, you and I are going to be fine.

514. And you'll come up with a new idea.

515. You always do.

516. Well, the cabin is not quite as rustic as I would like.

517. Diane made me install luxury items like a driveway and faucets.

518. But it's yours as long as you need it.

519. Ben and Leslie sent over this gift basket for you.

520. No meat, I checked.

521. Thanks, Ron. Lucy's away on business for a month,

522. so I'm just gonna clear my head and get to work on my next big project.

523. I'm glad to see you pulling yourself up off the mat.

524. What is this project?

525. I'm gonna write a blockbuster action film.

526. You see 10 Fast 10 Furious: Tokyo Drift 3?

527. I did not, no.

528. Well, you might be the only one. It made $2.9 billion.

529. Action movies are cash cows.

530. All I gotta do is churn one out and let the money roll in.

531. What is this film about?

532. I have no idea. But I have the perfect title.

533. Sniper Race Delta: Beijing Inferno.

534. I know you have had a rough go of it,

535. and you can spend your time however you like.

536. But whatever you write is gonna have your name on it.

537. At least make it something you're proud of.

538. Good luck, son.

539. I once started an entertainment company.

540. It failed in four months.

541. I opened a clothing rental store.

542. I built a restaurant empire.

543. They all failed.

544. But the story of America isn't about second or third chances.

545. It's about fourth, fifth, sixth, twentieth, fiftieth chances.

546. That's how long it took me to get where I am today.

547. Bestselling author of... An American Success Story.

548. As you know if you've read the book,

549. I've outlined seven different types of successful people.

550. You can be an Andy.

551. An April.

552. A Ben.

553. A Leslie.

554. A Ron.

555. A Donna.

556. Or my personal favorite. A Tom.

557. But what do we definitely not want to be?

558. A Garry!

559. That's right. Do not be a Garry.

560. He's talking about me.

561. Hey. Hey!

562. Thanks so much for coming, guys.

563. Are you kidding? Tom, this is incredible.

564. A bestselling book, a 40-city tour.

565. Well, I couldn't have done it without you.

566. Well, the book is called Failure.

567. I don't know how to take that.

568. I'm serious. You guys have always supported me.

569. Here, I inscribed you a copy.

570. "When I think of success, I think of you.

571. "You are a true inspiration to me.

572. "I love you. Tom Haverford."

573. Oh, sorry, that's actually for Kendrick Lamar.

574. Here's yours.

575. "Best wishes."

576. And I mean every word of it.

577. So, how are we going to fix this swing?

578. Hold a public forum?

579. Have a rally? Smash that door and do some looting?

580. Actually, I think there's a simpler solution.

581. We just need the help of the most powerful man in Pawnee.

582. Jim, how the heck are you?

583. Yeah, look, I hate to bother you,

584. but I'm here with my two best friends,

585. Leslie Knope and Tom Haverford.

586. Shh.

587. And we need the first-floor maintenance room open.

588. Mmm. Okay, great. And best to Louise and the girls.

589. Okay, bye-bye.

590. You guys are all set.

591. Thank you, Mayor Gergich. You really saved our butts.

592. I am so happy that you get to be mayor.

593. Are you enjoying yourself?

594. Oh, are you kidding me?

595. Leslie, I know that this is purely ceremonial

596. and it will be over in just a couple of weeks,

597. but I just don't know how my life

598. could get any better than this.

599. In a turn of events both shocking and unexpected,

600. interim mayor Garry Gergich

601. was officially elected today,

602. thanks to a massive write-in campaign.

603. Mayor Gergich, what are your plans for your first actual term?

604. Oh, geez. Uh, you know what, I have no idea, Perd.

605. I mean, this is so crazy.

606. I just hope I do a good job, and I promise I'm going to try my best.

607. And faithfully serve the people of Pawnee, Indiana.

608. As President of City Council,

609. I, Councilwoman Brandi Maxxxx,

610. star of more than 11,000 adult films in the last two years,

611. officially declare Garry Gergich

612. Mayor of Pawnee, Indiana, for the fourth time.

613. Thank you, Pawnee!

614. Okay, great.

615. Garry Gergich, you are now mayor, again, for the tenth time,

616. proving conclusively that in these corporate states of America,

617. it's the entrenched powers who hold all the cards.

618. Thank you, Councilman Morris.

619. Thank you, Pawnee!

620. Happy birthday, my sweet, sweet husband.

621. We all love you so much.

622. I have had the perfect life.

623. I have had the perfect marriage.

624. Oh.

625. The perfect children and the perfect grandchildren

626. and great-grandchildren.

627. And I just want you to know how much I love you.

628. Okay. Come on, everybody. Say "Gergich."

629. Gergich!

630. Mayor Garry Gergich died peacefully, in his sleep,

631. on his 100th birthday, holding the hand of his beloved wife, Gayle.

632. Mmm. Gayle looks amazing.

633. Yeah, yeah, I know.

634. He will now be given the Indiana Notary Society's highest honor,

635. the 21 -Stamp Salute.

636. Rest in peace, friend.

637. They spelled his name wrong on the tombstone.

638. Close enough. Hmm.

639. It's time to go.

640. Okay. How's this for a headline?

641. "Still Swinging: Parks Gang Reunites for One Last Bang."

642. That's a little dirty.

643. Well, it's a headline, Shauna. Sex sells.

644. Speaking of which, how's your personal life?

645. Uh... Not great.

646. I met a guy online, and we started chatting a lot, and I really liked him,

647. but he turned out to be a computer program that a scientist invented

648. to test the gullibility of human women.

649. Oh, boy.

650. Shauna, you're a very nice person.

651. And although your life has been filled with

652. romantic disasters too horrific and numerous to catalog,

653. I just want you to know that I honestly believe

654. that you will find happiness someday.

655. Excuse me. Ma'am?

656. Are you okay?

657. Oh, I'm fine.

658. I was supposed to get married today,

659. but my fiancé left me at the altar.

660. He texted me, "Game running into overtime. I'll try and stop by."

661. Oh. That sucks. Yeah.

662. I'm really sorry you're sad. Nobody should ever be sad.

663. You know what helps me when I'm sad?

664. And I think it might just help you, too.

665. What?

666. Gum.

667. My company makes it.

668. Thanks.

669. Okay. Would you two like to exchange vows?

670. Shauna, I love you so much.

671. I can't believe we just met five hours ago.

672. I know, right?

673. But I really love you.

674. You're so nice.

675. Remember how you offered me gum when I was sad?

676. Yes! I totally remember that.

677. You're nice, too. And so smart.

678. You're, like, the smartest person I've ever met in my whole life.

679. And so pretty.

680. I just want to give you gum forever.

681. By the power vested in me by the State of Indiana,

682. I now pronounce you husband and wife.

683. You may kiss the bride. Yeah!

684. We did it! Totally! We did it!

685. You gotta throw your thing. Oh, yeah.

686. Ha!

687. Knope. Make yourself useful and hand me that crescent wrench.

688. Well...

689. Not bad craftsmanship, Ron.

690. It is perfect craftsmanship.

691. I calculate the cost of my labor at $38.

692. I can send the bill to you?

693. So, you think you're going to stick around Pawnee?

694. Oh, I imagine so. Not sure where I would go, really.

695. Well, we're going to come back here a lot.

696. You know what they say.

697. Don't be a stranger.

698. Despite the recent financial crisis,

699. Very Good Building Company will finish

700. fiscal year 2022 in excellent financial shape,

701. thanks in large part to the stewardship of your chairman, Ron Swanson.

702. Mr. Chairman, would you like to say a few words?

703. I resign as chairman. Effective immediately.

704. Uh, would you like to explain why?

705. No.

706. Should we discuss your retirement package?

707. Just give me whatever the Board thinks is fair.

708. Agreed.

709. Best of luck.

710. Don't get emotional, Vaughn. You're embarrassing yourself.

711. I'm sorry. What just happened?

712. My brother resigned.

713. No sense dwelling on the past. Any more new business?

714. Yeah. You need a new chairman, for starters.

715. I'll do it. Anything else?

716. Again, Lon, not how corporate governance works.

717. Congressman. Ron, what a surprise.

718. Please invite me inside.

719. This city reeks of swampland and government overreach.

720. Great to see you as always.

721. Ron, your family is beautiful.

722. They are a handsome bunch.

723. Diane and I are especially proud,

724. because Ivy was just accepted at Stanford University.

725. California?

726. Sunshine, health food, surfing. Your worst nightmares.

727. Congratulations. It's a great school.

728. Yeah? It's going to cost an arm and a leg. Did you take my advice?

729. I did. Thank you again.

730. I sold some of my gold, and officially diversified my portfolio.

731. Very smart.

732. What'd you end up investing in? Mutual funds? Bonds?

733. No, something solid and dependable that will certainly stand the test of time.

734. Congratulations. You now own 51% of the Lagavulin Distillery.

735. Pleasure doing business with you. And with you.

736. Sláinte. Sláinte.

737. So, Ron, what brings you here?

738. I am at something of a personal crossroads.

739. Yes! I love personal crossroads.

740. I once made the mistake of not talking to you at such a moment,

741. and I do not intend to repeat that error.

742. Well, let's take a walk. There's a cute little park nearby.

743. I suppose I had simply accomplished everything I wanted to,

744. and there seemed to be little point in continuing.

745. So, what do you want to do now?

746. Well, that's the problem. I am not sure.

747. My kids are growing up. My days in an office feel like a waste.

748. I would like to turn my attention to something

749. that would make me feel useful.

750. But for the life of me, I cannot figure out what.

751. And there are not many people...

752. I mean, we were workplace proximity acquaintances for many years.

753. And so, I thought.. . I thought, maybe...

754. Say no more, you big softie.

755. I'm going to spend every waking moment

756. trying to figure this out for you.

757. You want to stay for dinner? We're having steak. Mmm.

758. But we're also hosting several members

759. of the House Subcommittee on Foreign Affairs.

760. I'll take that steak to go, please and thank you.

761. Hey, there you are. Thanks for meeting me here.

762. Well, if you'd held them here instead of that conference room,

763. I would have come to more meetings.

764. I've got to tell you, Leslie.

765. Establishing this national park right next to Pawnee

766. is quite an accomplishment.

767. This is a fine piece of land you saved.

768. Thank you, Ron. You want to run it?

769. The superintendent of Bryce Canyon retired,

770. and I convinced the superintendent of this park to transfer,

771. shuffled a few things around...

772. The point is, someone needs to take care of this place now.

773. Thought it should be you.

774. I...

775. Well, first of all, I would be working for the federal government...

776. Your job would be to walk around the land alone.

777. You'd live in the same town you've always lived in.

778. You'd work outside, you'd talk to bears. Next argument.

779. Well, there must be dozens of people gunning for this job.

780. I wouldn't want you to ruffle any feathers.

781. Am I even qualified?

782. Well, a few people might be annoyed. But they'll get over it.

783. And as far as your qualifications, you're Ron Swanson.

784. Stop being a dummy and accept.

785. When do I start?

786. Oh, today.

787. I already accepted for you. I still remember how to forge your signature.

788. Let's go meet your staff.

789. Pawnee National Park Rangers,

790. this is Ron Swanson, your new superintendent and boss.

791. Rangers. My name is Ronald Ulysses Swanson.

792. Your job, and mine,

793. is to walk this land and make sure no one harms it.

794. If you show up on time, speak honestly,

795. and treat everyone with fairness,

796. we will get along just fine.

797. Though hopefully not too fine,

798. as I am not looking for any new friends.

799. End of speech.

800. Well said.

801. Thank you, Leslie.

802. You're welcome, Ron.

803. Okay. Time to go to work.

804. Laugh with me, buddy

805. Jest with me, buddy

806. Don't let her get the best of me, buddy

807. Don't ever let me start feeling lonely

808. Well, I have to make a couple more adjustments.

809. Babe, I don't want to seem dramatic,

810. but I have just reconsidered every decision

811. that we have made over the last year

812. and I think we need to stay in Pawnee forever.

813. I know.

814. But we have to pick up the kids and we have a flight to catch.

815. But when is this group of people

816. ever going to be all together again?

817. That's all I want.

818. All of these people in the same place at the same time.

819. It will happen. Someday.

820. What's going to happen between now and then?

821. A lot.

822. And it's all going to be great.

823. You promise? I promise.

824. This is a nice house.

825. You say that every time we're here.

826. I'm just trying to distract you,

827. so you don't have a nervous breakdown.

828. I think I am past that point.

829. You don't have to worry about me anymore.

830. Hey, folks. Welcome back.

831. Great to have so many good friends and colleagues.

832. We're looking forward to a great conversation and a good dinner.

833. As usual, there is only one rule.

834. No shop talk.

835. So, if you want to discuss politics,

836. you're going to have to wait until after dinner.

837. I'm looking at you, Leslie.

838. Okay. Well, as long as we get to play charades later.

839. Okay.

840. Last time we played charades, she spent three and a half hours here.

841. You're just mad because you lost. Oh, come on.

842. Damn, that food was good.

843. I've said it before and I'll say it again.

844. Joe Biden knows his way around a seafood risotto.

845. You've said that before?

846. Anyway, the point is, yes,

847. I do like working at Interior. I love it.

848. But I'm always looking for new challenges. Why do you ask?

849. There's a rumor the Governor of Indiana isn't going to run again.

850. And my friends at the DNC are very interested

851. in you as a candidate.

852. For governor of Indiana? Mmm-hmm.

853. Someone's been reading my kindergarten dream journal.

854. So, what do you think?

855. I'll call you next week and we can talk about it?

856. Oh. Okay. Great. Well, this is exciting.

857. I'm going to take this energy

858. and I'm going to go crush Joe Biden in charades.

859. Dr. Jill? Let's pick teams.

860. Oh.

861. Move. Need the congressman. This is time-sensitive.

862. Hey, Jen, I didn't know you were here.

863. I'm everywhere. You want to be governor of Indiana?

864. What? Colquitt is not going to run again.

865. It's a rumor for now, but my gut says it's for real.

866. You're the perfect candidate.

867. Local hero, state government experience.

868. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

869. I mean, the only potential problem is that

870. devastatingly nerdy Cones of Dunshire thing.

871. Uh, that's a problem? Mmm.

872. I'm sorry, but it's the ninth-highest selling

873. multi-player figurine-based strategy fantasy

874. sequel game in history.

875. Please don't bail on me because of what just happened.

876. So.. . I had a pretty interesting conversation

877. with Janet from the DNC tonight.

878. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

879. She said that Governor Colquitt might be stepping down,

880. and the DNC thinks that I should run for governor.

881. Oh, God.

882. That kind of sucks.

883. Really? Why?

884. No, I mean, that's amazing.

885. It's just, Jen Barkley kind of approached me about running.

886. Oh! Oh.

887. Well, I mean, obviously...

888. Right. Yeah. No, no. I mean, obviously.

889. Yeah. I mean, obviously, we...

890. Okay. Pros of you running for governor.

891. You would be a great governor.

892. We could make Pawnee our home base.

893. The kids could go to school in Pawnee.

894. And it would be a huge career move for you.

895. The pros of me running for governor are the same thing.

896. It's the same list. Right.

897. The only con of you running would be that I don't get to run.

898. And vice versa.

899. Good. So, we've solved it.

900. Look. We're going back to Pawnee in a week.

901. Why don't we just talk about it after that? Good idea.

902. Hey, maybe we can drop by the old stomping grounds.

903. See how the Parks Department has changed.

904. I love it. Okay. Are you ready?

905. No, but we don't have a choice, do we?

906. Kids! Dinner!

907. Hey, I'm going to eat in my room because I have to study.

908. Can we go to Bobby's house to watch the game?

909. Have you finished your homework?

910. Okay, don't forget...

911. Bye, Dad. Bye, Mom. Bye.

912. Don't forget your ice skates. You have a lesson tomorrow.

913. Bye, Mom. Bye, Dad.

914. Bye.

915. Want some broccoli?

916. Ugh! No.

917. You know, now that I'm here,

918. it's giving me an idea about this governor thing.

919. Maybe we need fresh eyes.

920. You know, other people to weigh in.

921. We should talk to Ron. Or Tom. Or April. Or Donna. Or Andy, even.

922. Sometimes, he can be wise.

923. Yeah, good idea. Let's call them.

924. Or you know what else we could do?

925. Just talk to them in person.

926. Surprise!

927. Oh, wow.

928. It's what you wanted, right? Everyone in the same room, at the same time.

929. I can't believe you.

930. We're all here together in the same room.

931. In this room.

932. I don't think I could be happier right now.

933. Want to bet? Hi.

934. Oh, Ann's here. Ann. Ann's here.

935. Hey. Hey, buddy. How are you doing?

936. Good. You guys, Ann's here.

937. Should we move away from here?

938. Yeah. Yeah, this could go on for some time.

939. Aw.

940. Your hair looks amazing, by the way.

941. You look like a cartoon princess.

942. Oh, thank you. It's from the pills I was telling you about.

943. I took some of those, but I don't know, they didn't do anything

944. and they kind of upset my stomach.

945. No, you're supposed to crack them

946. and leave them on your hair overnight.

947. Not eat them. Oh, no.

948. Well, it's confusing, because they're delicious.

949. Because my first book was such a smash,

950. I had to come up with a new angle for the follow-up.

951. Then, it hit me, Failure 2. 0: Failing to Fail.

952. Love it. How's everything?

953. You properly treating yo' self out there in Seattle?

954. In a manner of speaking.

955. Joe and I spend most of our time on the foundation.

956. I can't believe you went non-profit.

957. I mean, I love you, you're one of my best friends,

958. but you have betrayed me and everything we stand for.

959. You've changed.

960. Maybe you're right. By the way, what time is it?

961. Oh, it looks like it's half past spla-dow!

962. What?

963. I take it all back. That's a lot of diamonds.

964. Gimme, gimme, gimme.

965. What's with all the duct tape?

966. Just because I work for the federal government

967. doesn't mean I have to advertise it to everyone.

968. Speaking of new careers, congratulations on your run as mayor, Garry.

969. Thanks, Ron. I just still can't believe it.

970. Yes, neither can anyone else.

971. Ugh! Garry!

972. Hey, Oliver. Hey, Leslie.

973. Hello, Ann. Hi, April.

974. Your kids are, like, surprisingly awesome. Thank you.

975. Did you use an egg donor, or give Chris a hall pass for a night?

976. Once again, they are my biological children.

977. Once again, I don't believe you.

978. Ann, you rainbow-infused space unicorn.

979. Ann, you beautiful, sassy mannequin come to life.

980. Ann, you opalescent tree shark.

981. Leslie, you are the master of the metaphor. Oh.

982. I recently compared her to a nutrient-rich chia seed.

983. What's that thing on your wrist? Oh!

984. You are extremely healthy.

985. I do that literally 50 times a day.

986. Aren't you afraid that thing might give you cancer?

987. Well, I am now.

988. Well, there he is. Chip Traeger. You old son of a gun.

989. Andy, it's Chris.

990. Is it?

991. Huh.

992. Hello, Jack. Ron Swanson.

993. Strong handshake. Well done, you two. Thank you.

994. This kid is the best.

995. Doctor said he has a remarkably large head.

996. Just like his old man.

997. And you know what that means. More smart room for him.

998. So, are you going to have another one?

999. Um...

1000. Shh. Shh.

1001. 'Cause.. . 'Cause he's sleeping?

1002. How can you tell?

1003. It's a common misconception that the Oculus holds all of the power.

1004. It's actually the Lamplighter.

1005. Need a moment.

1006. Hey, sugar pea.

1007. I know you probably imagined us meeting once a year for a rendezvous.

1008. But I'm happy.

1009. I got a great wife, bestseller, and as always, I remain the style icon.

1010. And I guess what I'm saying is,

1011. I'm out of your league, and you need to move on.

1012. What? Sorry, I stopped listening when you called me "sugar pea."

1013. Ann. Oh, my God. It's happening! It's totally happening.

1014. Our kids are falling in love.

1015. This is good. Okay, remember.

1016. If this is ever going to work,

1017. we have to pretend to disapprove.

1018. Yeah. Right. Good call.

1019. Hey!

1020. Leslie, no. Oh.

1021. Who cares?

1022. Ann Arbor, Michigan, is literally

1023. the greatest city that I have ever lived in.

1024. But Pawnee is better. So, we're moving back.

1025. That's great. Yeah.

1026. I'm going to run admissions at Indiana.

1027. I'm trading Wolverines for Hoosiers.

1028. Well, you're getting the better end of that deal.

1029. Tom. I took the quiz in your book

1030. about what kind of person I am.

1031. I'm a Ron. Ha!

1032. I'm usually a Tom, but sometimes, I'm a Donna.

1033. Last time I took it, I was a Tom.

1034. What?

1035. No. No, no, no! Take it again.

1036. I've got to go recalibrate the quiz.

1037. So, did anyone have any insights on

1038. our "running for governor" situation?

1039. I've been so busy catching up with everyone,

1040. I haven't had a chance to ask them.

1041. Yeah, me neither. Okay, here's what I think.

1042. I hate when we're on opposite sides. It stinks.

1043. Plus, if one of us runs, it doesn't mean we're going to win.

1044. Right. And it's not like this is the only career option for either of us.

1045. So, all that matters is that we are good.

1046. Right. Which is why I have an idea.

1047. I think we should flip a coin.

1048. I mean it. Let's literally flip a coin.

1049. Because whoever runs is going to do a great job.

1050. And whoever doesn't run is going to be right alongside the other one,

1051. offering advice and support and whatever they need.

1052. So, it doesn't matter. So let's flip a coin.

1053. Okay. You, Leslie Knope,

1054. the queen of planning and binders and pro and con lists.

1055. You want to leave this to chance?

1056. Yes. Because whatever's next,

1057. you and I are in it together.

1058. So, let's go tell everybody.

1059. And they can participate and they can sign the coin

1060. and then, you know, the coin will eventually

1061. make its way into the Smithsonian.

1062. Okay, everybody, gather around!

1063. First of all, I just have to say that

1064. all of you in the same room at the same time with your children here,

1065. it's like... It's the greatest thing

1066. that's ever happened in the history of America.

1067. And secondly, Ben and I have an announcement.

1068. Leslie is running for governor of Indiana.

1069. What?

1070. Bully for you, Knope.

1071. That's amazing.

1072. Yeah, she got approached by the DNC

1073. and they think she has a great shot to win.

1074. Indiana native, supremely qualified,

1075. and she wrote that she wanted to be governor

1076. in her kindergarten dream journal.

1077. This makes sense.

1078. So, I'm running for governor.

1079. Ben is going to be running my campaign,

1080. because he's a super genius

1081. and he's got a tight, compact little body

1082. like an Italian sports car.

1083. This is cause for celebration.

1084. Let's all go to Tom's Bistro tonight,

1085. back under original management,

1086. and you all get the "friends and family" deal,

1087. 3% off.

1088. Oh, my God, you're too generous, Tom.

1089. But right now, I'd like to make a toast.

1090. When we worked here, together,

1091. we fought, scratched,

1092. and clawed to make people's lives a tiny bit better.

1093. That's what public service is all about.

1094. Small, incremental change, every day.

1095. Teddy Roosevelt once said, "Far and away,

1096. "the best prize that life has to offer

1097. "is a chance to work hard at work worth doing."

1098. And I would add that what makes work worth doing

1099. is getting to do it with people that you love.

1100. I started my career more than 30 years ago,

1101. in the Parks and Recreation Department

1102. right here in Pawnee, Indiana.

1103. I've had a lot of different jobs,

1104. including two terms as your governor.

1105. And soon, a new, unknown challenge awaits me.

1106. Which, to me, even now, is thrilling,

1107. because I love the work.

1108. Not to say that public service isn't sexy. Because it definitely is.

1109. But that's not why we do it.

1110. We do it because we get the chance

1111. to work hard at work worth doing,

1112. alongside a team of people who we love.

1113. So, I thank those people who have walked with me,

1114. and I thank you for this honor.

1115. Now, go find your team, and get to work.

1116. In addition to Governor Knope's honorary doctorate

1117. from the School of Public Policy,

1118. in recognition of all she has done for the people of Indiana,

1119. the campus library will henceforth bear her name.

1120. A library?

1121. Yeah, that should do it. The swing is fixed!

1122. Well, there you go, sir.

1123. Local government at its very best.

1124. Actually, none of these people works in local government.

1125. This is a group of private citizens

1126. and one misguided federal employee meddling where she does not belong.

1127. For once, could you just.. . No.

1128. In any case.

1129. Another problem solved by the hard work of dedicated public servants.

1130. Okay, great.

1131. Bye.

1132. Yeah, that's about right.

1133. Okay. Well.

1134. Hang on. Gayle made me promise to get

1135. a quick picture, just for old times' sake.

1136. Good idea! Garry had a good idea.

1137. Ugh.

1138. The lighting is all wrong. I'm going to send you a glamor shot.

1139. Just photoshop me in later.

1140. I'm not going to show up in that picture anyway, because I'm a vampire.

1141. Hey, babe, for this picture, should I be Burt Macklin, Johnny Karate,

1142. or my new character, Sergeant Thunderfist, M.D.?

1143. Where did you get that? Found it in the sandbox.

1144. Ew.

1145. Go Macklin. Macklin's the hottest.

1146. Get on with it. I can't hold this smile forever. I look ridiculous.

1147. Okay, hang on. Okay.

1148. You ready, babe?

1149. Yes.

1150. I'm ready.

1151. That is a series wrap on Parks and Recreation.