1. It's the Johnny Karate
Super AwesomeCopy !req
2. Musical Explosion Show!Copy !req
3. Now, to introduce
your host, Johnny Karate,Copy !req
4. here is me, Perd Hapley!Copy !req
5. Silence!Copy !req
6. Welcome to the only show
that's all about learning,Copy !req
7. music, animals,
fireworks, water-skis,Copy !req
8. and above all,Copy !req
9. ice cream, pizza,
ninjas, getting stronger,Copy !req
10. sharks versus bears,Copy !req
11. and above all, karate!Copy !req
12. Now, why don't you kidsCopy !req
13. help me sing
the welcome song?Copy !req
14. Let me just
grab my guitar.Copy !req
15. Someone has
stolen my guitar.Copy !req
16. This seems like a case
for Special Agent...Copy !req
17. Burt Macklin.Copy !req
18. I don't give a crap, Batman.
You work for me.Copy !req
19. Increase the perimeter!Copy !req
20. Macklin, the President's
called six times.Copy !req
21. If we don't get
that guitar back,Copy !req
22. the peace in Iraq
will be canceled.Copy !req
23. Get off my back, Chief!Copy !req
24. I'm doing the best I can.Copy !req
25. I don't play
by the rules,Copy !req
26. but I get results.Copy !req
27. Dang it.
You're right again, Macklin.Copy !req
28. And I'm sorry. You're
the best agent I've seen.Copy !req
29. And I've worked
with James Bond.Copy !req
30. This clue may help.Copy !req
31. Mmm. It was left
at the crime scene.Copy !req
32. You're dismissed.Copy !req
33. This case just keeps
getting deeper and deeper.Copy !req
34. I'm drowning in the
adult end of the pool,Copy !req
35. and the lifeguard's off
in the bathroom pooping.Copy !req
36. That's good, right?Copy !req
37. Johnny Karate's guitar
has been stolen.Copy !req
38. That instrument is worth
literally $900 million.Copy !req
39. But more importantly,Copy !req
40. he can't play the
goodbye song without it.Copy !req
41. So by the time this show
is over I will find who stole it,Copy !req
42. and they will pay
the ultimate price.Copy !req
43. A one-way ticket to the
Funky Monkey Dunk Tank!Copy !req
44. All that and moreCopy !req
45. on the Johnny Karate Super
Awesome Musical Explosion Show!Copy !req
46. It's time to
punch boredom in its stupid faceCopy !req
47. Jump, kick,
punch and dropCopy !req
48. And drop-kick
sadness into outer spaceCopy !req
49. Punch, yeah,
till you dropCopy !req
50. It's the Johnny
Karate Super AwesomeCopy !req
51. Musical Explosion ShowCopy !req
52. So, karate masters,Copy !req
53. you are here
for an extra awesomeCopy !req
54. and super special
episode of Johnny Karate.Copy !req
55. And that is because
it's my final show.Copy !req
56. Aw.Copy !req
57. Don't look glum.Copy !req
58. In a couple of weeks,
I'll be movingCopy !req
59. to Washington, D.C.Copy !req
60. It's the capital
of the entire world.Copy !req
61. They have things there
like this white house,Copy !req
62. and this mental institution.Copy !req
63. And my very favorite,Copy !req
64. the Lincoln Memorial.Copy !req
65. It's this crazy statueCopy !req
66. of this giant monster
sitting on a chairCopy !req
67. that represents
all of America's enemies.Copy !req
68. I'll be moving
to Washington D.C.Copy !req
69. because my wife,
April Ludgate-Karate-Dwyer,Copy !req
70. has accepted
an amazing job there.Copy !req
71. I'm very proud of her
and totally in love.Copy !req
72. April!Copy !req
73. Why don't you come on out
and talk to the children?Copy !req
74. Take a bow for being so
cool.Copy !req
75. Hey, Johnny!Copy !req
76. So since
it's your final showCopy !req
77. I wanted to do
one last extra specialCopy !req
78. April's Animal Corner.Copy !req
79. That's right.Copy !req
80. This week I brought
one of the scariest,Copy !req
81. weirdest animals
in the whole world,Copy !req
82. Ah.. . Now the name
"Goliath" means "giant."Copy !req
83. And you can see that...Copy !req
84. Andy, where is it?
What? Uh-oh.Copy !req
85. Where is it?
Don't look at me.Copy !req
86. I don't know what
happened. I took it outCopy !req
87. to play hide and seek.Copy !req
88. I couldn't find it.
And...Copy !req
89. Oh. That's what happened.Copy !req
90. Okay. Well,
once again,Copy !req
91. April's Animal CornerCopy !req
92. has turned into one of
our favorite segments.Copy !req
93. Yay!Copy !req
94. And as always,
when we accidentallyCopy !req
95. end up doing Loose
Animal in the Studio,Copy !req
96. we have to show you
this disclaimer.Copy !req
97. Boring.Copy !req
98. Here's a disclaimer. I
didn't read this disclaimer.Copy !req
99. Ooh. Good point.Copy !req
100. Okay. Done.Copy !req
101. Okay, kids. So be on the
lookout for a.. . What's it called?Copy !req
102. A Goliath
bird-eating tarantula.Copy !req
103. Known locally
to VenezuelansCopy !req
104. as "The Devil's Fist."Copy !req
105. Bye, kids.Copy !req
106. Okay, kids, well,
we've got a lot of work to doCopy !req
107. performing the
Five Karate Moves to Success.Copy !req
108. Sing it with me!Copy !req
109. Today we're going to...Copy !req
110. And then we'll
try something newCopy !req
111. Oh!Copy !req
112. And finally
we'll have some funCopy !req
113. Because that's
the Johnny Karate wayCopy !req
114. Step one,
let's go make something.Copy !req
115. Hello, Carpenter Ron.
How are you doing?Copy !req
116. My contract
is very specific.Copy !req
117. I do not have to
answer that question.Copy !req
118. This week, I am making
a shadowbox frame,Copy !req
119. which can be used
to displayCopy !req
120. an object of great value.Copy !req
121. This one is constructed
with American cherry wood.Copy !req
122. Cherry, huh? Now,
I have just one question.Copy !req
123. No. The wood does not taste
like cherry. You cannot eat it.Copy !req
124. I was not going to eat it,
Carpenter Ron.Copy !req
125. I was going to lick it.Copy !req
126. Always remember, kids,Copy !req
127. when you find
something new,Copy !req
128. you must lick it
before you eat it.Copy !req
129. That is incorrect,
in a number of ways.Copy !req
130. I sure have
had some funCopy !req
131. making things
with you, son.Copy !req
132. Thank you for
everything you've doneCopy !req
133. for the children
of this area.Copy !req
134. You're welcome,
Carpenter Ron. Hey, kids.Copy !req
135. This, to me,
seems like a...Copy !req
136. You are mistaken.
Remove the graphic.Copy !req
137. Well, kids, it's timeCopy !req
138. for our next
karate move to success.Copy !req
139. Let's learn something.Copy !req
140. Hello, Professor Smartbrain!
Hi, Johnny.Copy !req
141. Uh, listen,
I don't know if you got my email,Copy !req
142. but I thought since
this is our final show,Copy !req
143. maybe we not use the...Copy !req
144. Boring Buzzer.Copy !req
145. Okay,
kids. Today we're going to learn about geography.Copy !req
146. Now, you, Johnny,
are moving to Washington, D.C.Copy !req
147. I thought what
we could talk aboutCopy !req
148. is how fast
you could get thereCopy !req
149. using an airplane,Copy !req
150. a train or a car.Copy !req
151. Now as you can see,Copy !req
152. the airplane
is the fastest.Copy !req
153. Not the fastest.
What about teleporting?Copy !req
154. Well, sure.
That would be really fun,Copy !req
155. but it's impossible.Copy !req
156. Nothing is
impossible, kids.Copy !req
157. Teleportation
is impossible.Copy !req
158. It's about
theoretical physics.Copy !req
159. You asked me to do this.Copy !req
160. This was a favor...Copy !req
161. Morning, Johnny! Mail call!Copy !req
162. Hi, Mailman Barry!Copy !req
163. Who brought me
mail today?Copy !req
164. Well, Johnny,
you got over 500 letters,Copy !req
165. from kids who love you,
asking for you and April to stay.Copy !req
166. Aw. Babe,
did you hear that?Copy !req
167. Now, Johnny,Copy !req
168. you also got
one very special letter.Copy !req
169. It's from me.Copy !req
170. And on the last day
of your show,Copy !req
171. I thought I could
read it to you.Copy !req
172. Aw.Copy !req
173. "Dearest Andy,Copy !req
174. "I've never had
a son of my own,Copy !req
175. "and I just want you to know
that for the past 10 years.. ."Copy !req
176. It's time to
karate chop something!Copy !req
177. Ninjas, attack!Copy !req
178. Ah, jeez.Copy !req
179. Disperse!Copy !req
180. Remember, never attack
a real postal employee.Copy !req
181. We're allowed to
attack Mailman BarryCopy !req
182. because he volunteered
to help usCopy !req
183. with our karate moves.Copy !req
184. I kind of thought I'd be holding
a piece of wood or something.Copy !req
185. But, you know,
always happy to help.Copy !req
186. Next up, we're going
to try something newCopy !req
187. with my good friend
Leslie Knope.Copy !req
188. Hey, Johnny Karate!Copy !req
189. I'm so happy to be here
on your last show ever.Copy !req
190. Hi, Leslie.
I'm glad you're hereCopy !req
191. to teach us all
how to be brave.Copy !req
192. So, Leslie,
what are you going to be trying new this week?Copy !req
193. I am going to be
taking overCopy !req
194. hosting my friend's
TV show. Huh?Copy !req
195. Isn't that right, April?Copy !req
196. That is right.Copy !req
197. Johnny, you have
made so many kidsCopy !req
198. and so many parents
so happyCopy !req
199. that we wanted to give
you a proper sendoff.Copy !req
200. Andy Dwyer/Johooy Karate,Copy !req
201. this is your life!Copy !req
202. Oh, my gosh.
Leslie, this is amazing.Copy !req
203. I don't know
what to say.Copy !req
204. Literally, because normally I
have a script that I have to stick to.Copy !req
205. But I don't know what I'm
supposed to say right now.Copy !req
206. It's kind of
a nightmare.Copy !req
207. Okay. You leave
that to us, Johnny.Copy !req
208. Uh, when we come back,
we will take a lookCopy !req
209. at the journey
of Andy Dwyer.Copy !req
210. Stay tuned.Copy !req
211. "Now listen to some words
from our sponsors"Copy !req
212. are the words
I'm saying right now.Copy !req
213. Hire Very Good
Building CompanyCopy !req
214. for your construction needs.Copy !req
215. Or do not.
I am not a beggar.Copy !req
216. End of commercial.Copy !req
217. The Wamapoke people
have a saying,Copy !req
218. "Only one who listens
hears the cry of the wolf."Copy !req
219. That advice has
been passed downCopy !req
220. from generation
to generation.Copy !req
221. Today, I give
that advice to you.Copy !req
222. Listen for Coinsy the WolfCopy !req
223. at Wamapoke Casino.Copy !req
224. Twice a day,
one lucky visitor will hitCopy !req
225. the mega-wolf jackpot,Copy !req
226. and Coinsy
will howl for you.Copy !req
227. The thing
we return to now isCopy !req
228. my Johnny Karate Show
return message.Copy !req
229. Welcome back.Copy !req
230. When I first met the man
standing next to me,Copy !req
231. he was not
a cultural phenomenon.Copy !req
232. "Phenomenon" means
"to explore a cave."Copy !req
233. He was going
through a tough time.Copy !req
234. He had just
broken both legsCopy !req
235. from falling into a pit.Copy !req
236. I was super wasted.Copy !req
237. It's a kid's show, Andy.
Yes. Good call.Copy !req
238. Kid's show.
Good call.Copy !req
239. That event
set in motionCopy !req
240. many wonderful things
in my life,Copy !req
241. including the building
of the Pawnee Commons.Copy !req
242. So, in a weird way, Andy,Copy !req
243. I owe it all to you.Copy !req
244. And now that
the show is ending,Copy !req
245. I'm gonna have to
start all over again.Copy !req
246. Hopefully there's a pit
in Washington D.C.Copy !req
247. that I could fall into.Copy !req
248. Andy pulled
his life togetherCopy !req
249. and he got himself a jobCopy !req
250. at the shoeshine stand
in City Hall.Copy !req
251. He then became
a bureaucratic assistant.Copy !req
252. Hi, honey.
Hey, hi.Copy !req
253. He was always
enthusiastic,Copy !req
254. but he also kept track
of his appointmentsCopy !req
255. by writing them
on his arm.Copy !req
256. Still do!Copy !req
257. To commemorate that timeCopy !req
258. and to make sure that you never
miss another appointment again,Copy !req
259. we have brought youCopy !req
260. a monogrammed day planner.Copy !req
261. Guys, that's so sweet.
Aw.Copy !req
262. Thank you.Copy !req
263. Aw.Copy !req
264. Oh, no, I lost it.Copy !req
265. The day planner's gone.
I can't find it anywhere.Copy !req
266. What?Copy !req
267. Fitting, really.Copy !req
268. From then,
Andy went to EnglandCopy !req
269. for a few months
to work for a non-profit.Copy !req
270. It was there
that he befriendedCopy !req
271. the 14th Earl
of Cornwall-upon-Thames,Copy !req
272. Sir Edgar Covington.Copy !req
273. Ta-da!Copy !req
274. Oh, my God, Eddie!
This is amazing!Copy !req
275. Andy, I am here in this weird,
flat place,Copy !req
276. to name you
a loyal and trueCopy !req
277. karate defender
of the Queen's Realm.Copy !req
278. Please get down
on one knee.Copy !req
279. This honor is
bestowed on thoseCopy !req
280. who have shown
great achievementCopy !req
281. in the fields
of the arts, learning,Copy !req
282. literature and science.Copy !req
283. Therefore,
I hereby dub theeCopy !req
284. a knight of the Order
of the British Empire.Copy !req
285. Hang on. Can you
actually do this?Copy !req
286. Well, technically,
only the Queen can knight somebody,Copy !req
287. but I'm so rich that she
lets me do what I want.Copy !req
288. Would you like
to be knighted?Copy !req
289. Oh. No, no,
no. Of course not. It's Andy's day.Copy !req
290. Dude, I don't mind.Copy !req
291. Oh! Then, yes,
knight me, please.Copy !req
292. Oh, my God,
this is amazing.Copy !req
293. Winter is coming
for Ser Ben Lightstorm.Copy !req
294. Okay, you're both knights.
Cool.Copy !req
295. Guys, this was
so much fun.Copy !req
296. Friend, co-worker,
musician,Copy !req
297. husband Andy Dwyer...Copy !req
298. Sir Andy Dwyer.
Sir Andy DwyerCopy !req
299. had become so many things
to so many people.Copy !req
300. But his greatest creation
was yet to come.Copy !req
301. A salute to Johnny Karate
when we come back!Copy !req
302. We know what you want.Copy !req
303. Healthy, natural food
that still tastes great.Copy !req
304. And we're here
to tell you...Copy !req
305. Healthy food is for suckers.Copy !req
306. It tastes like garbage
and if you say you like it,Copy !req
307. you're a chump and a liar.Copy !req
308. Be honest.Copy !req
309. This is what
you want to eat.Copy !req
310. It tastes amazing.Copy !req
311. What's in it?Copy !req
312. How many calories?Copy !req
313. It's awesome.Copy !req
314. One of Andy's
greatest achievementsCopy !req
315. was the success of
his band, Mouse Rat.Copy !req
316. No one was doing
what we were doing.Copy !req
317. Well, that's not
really true.Copy !req
318. We were basically
playing covers ofCopy !req
319. Dave Matthews songs.Copy !req
320. So I guess you could sayCopy !req
321. Dave Matthews was doing
what we were doing.Copy !req
322. To play in a band
like Mouse RatCopy !req
323. that brought such
joy to so many...Copy !req
324. Truly was a mitzvah.Copy !req
325. I should mention,
I'm a rabbi now.Copy !req
326. For the full
rockumentary, go to...Copy !req
327. And now, back to the show.Copy !req
328. Every hero
struggles with failure,Copy !req
329. faces something
they cannot do.Copy !req
330. Andy faced one of those
moments just a few years ago.Copy !req
331. I would've chugged that
entire gallon of milk,Copy !req
332. had I not started
puking out of nowhere.Copy !req
333. No, you did not
achieve your dreamCopy !req
334. of becoming
a Pawnee police officer.Copy !req
335. Oh. Right. But you
did create Burt Macklin,Copy !req
336. a character who
exemplifies everythingCopy !req
337. that is great
about law enforcement.Copy !req
338. Take a look.Copy !req
339. My name is Burt
Tyrannosaurus Macklin.Copy !req
340. I don't know what
the problem is, Sergeant.Copy !req
341. Just drain the ocean.Copy !req
342. Andy,Copy !req
343. on behalf of the entireCopy !req
344. Pawnee Police Department,Copy !req
345. I'd like to present you
with this genuineCopy !req
346. Pawnee police badge.
Wow!Copy !req
347. It's ensconced forever in the
shadowbox we made earlier.Copy !req
348. How about that?
No!Copy !req
349. Son, we spent
four days making that.Copy !req
350. This means so,
so much to me.Copy !req
351. I'm a cop!Copy !req
352. I should get some handcuffs
too! Give me your cuffs, Randy.Copy !req
353. No, no.
It's an honorary title.Copy !req
354. Stand down, sir.
Quit it!Copy !req
355. Andy, now that you are
an official police officer...Copy !req
356. He's not. I want to
make it clear, he's not.Copy !req
357. You should be able to solve
the case of the missing guitar.Copy !req
358. So, grab your clueCopy !req
359. and head on over
to Professor Smartbrain.Copy !req
360. Professor Smartbrain,Copy !req
361. this piece of fabric
was found at the scene.Copy !req
362. Look at it under
your telescope.Copy !req
363. Hmm. It looks like there
are some tiny initials.Copy !req
364. "J.C.?"Copy !req
365. President Jimmy Carter
stole my guitar?Copy !req
366. But why?Copy !req
367. I don't think it's Jimmy Carter,
buddy.Copy !req
368. The champ is here!Copy !req
369. Hi, kids. Is everybody
having a great time?Copy !req
370. I know I am!Copy !req
371. John Cena in the house!Copy !req
372. John Cena,
you're my hero!Copy !req
373. Wait. You're Andy.
Yeah. I'm Andy.Copy !req
374. From the information I gotCopy !req
375. I just assumed you'd be
like 10 years old.Copy !req
376. Thank you.
That's... Okay, great.Copy !req
377. Thank you. Thank you so much,
man,Copy !req
378. For bringing martial arts
and musicCopy !req
379. to all the children.Copy !req
380. Wait, wait, wait.
What are you doing, man?Copy !req
381. Gotcha! Got me? Wait. What?Copy !req
382. He got my cuffs. Wait. What
the hell is this? Oh!Copy !req
383. John Cena, you're a great
inspiration, a true hero,Copy !req
384. and this is the greatest
moment of my life.Copy !req
385. But you're going down.Copy !req
386. Going down? What
are you doing.. . Whoa!Copy !req
387. Stop! You stole
Johnny Karate's guitar.Copy !req
388. I didn't steal
his guitar, man.Copy !req
389. I'm just doing
this as a favor.Copy !req
390. You're going
in the dunk tank, bud.Copy !req
391. I don't wanna go in
the dunk tank. Shut up.Copy !req
392. Is anybody in charge?Copy !req
393. Uh, a little help?Copy !req
394. And now it's time to celebrate
Andy Dwyer's greatest creation,Copy !req
395. Johnny Karate.Copy !req
396. He has brought
so much happinessCopy !req
397. to so many children
in southern IndianaCopy !req
398. that we thought
a piece of Johnny KarateCopy !req
399. should stay here in Pawnee.Copy !req
400. Everybody
was kung fu fightingCopy !req
401. Raise it up!Copy !req
402. Those cats were
fast as lightningCopy !req
403. This is awesome.Copy !req
404. Can you believe it, babe?Copy !req
405. In fact it was
a little bit frighteningCopy !req
406. That karate gi
will stay here forever.Copy !req
407. Well, not here, here,
because this studio actually has a showCopy !req
408. where divorced couples
work out their problems,Copy !req
409. so that might be weird if that
thing was hanging over them.Copy !req
410. But it'll be somewhere. And
the spirit will stay with us.Copy !req
411. Forever.Copy !req
412. Andy Dwyer's final goodbye,
when we come back.Copy !req
413. What powers us?Copy !req
414. What gives us the tools
to attain our goals,Copy !req
415. face our fears,
take that next step into the unknown?Copy !req
416. It's energy.Copy !req
417. Verizon, Exxon and Chipotle
are proud to announceCopy !req
418. a cross-platform merger
of our three great brands.Copy !req
419. Whether it's extending
your 6G coverage,Copy !req
420. drilling natural gas
out of shaleCopy !req
421. or perfecting
the chicken quesadilla,Copy !req
422. we will give you the energy
to get you to the next level.Copy !req
423. And with enough energy,
America,Copy !req
424. nothing can stop us.Copy !req
425. The all-new
Verizon-Chipotle-Exxon.Copy !req
426. I'd like to begin
by saying thank youCopy !req
427. to anyone
who has ever workedCopy !req
428. on the Johnny Karate
Musical Explosion Show.Copy !req
429. This has been the
greatest job I've ever had,Copy !req
430. and today has been
the best day of my life.Copy !req
431. And that's saying something.Copy !req
432. I once found a rock that
looked exactly like Santa Claus.Copy !req
433. Hat and everything, so...Copy !req
434. Before I say goodbye,
let's review our checklistCopy !req
435. one last time.Copy !req
436. We made something
with Carpenter Ron.Copy !req
437. We learned something
with Professor Smartbrain.Copy !req
438. We karate-chopped something,
old Mailman Barry's face.Copy !req
439. And we tried
something new,Copy !req
440. even though it was scary to us,
with Leslie Knope.Copy !req
441. That leaves
just one more thing.Copy !req
442. The most important one.Copy !req
443. And I think I know right now
who needs it the most.Copy !req
444. My wife,
April Ludgate-Karate-Dwyer.Copy !req
445. Honey, come on out here.Copy !req
446. Come here.Copy !req
447. Babe.Copy !req
448. Hey. Babe?Copy !req
449. Wait!Copy !req
450. Honey, where are
you going? Babe.Copy !req
451. Hey. Where are you...Copy !req
452. Hey, come here.Copy !req
453. April, what's going on?Copy !req
454. It's...Copy !req
455. Every week this show
is an amazing train wreck,Copy !req
456. and you love doing it,
and you're the best host.Copy !req
457. Like,
even better than my all-time favorite host,Copy !req
458. Tom Snyder, which is crazy.Copy !req
459. And all those kids
love you,Copy !req
460. and you're doing
what you're meant to do.Copy !req
461. And I can't be the personCopy !req
462. that makes you lose
what you love.Copy !req
463. Yeah, but you're
what I love.Copy !req
464. You're the only reason
I have any of this.Copy !req
465. You believed in me,Copy !req
466. and you supported me,Copy !req
467. and you make me happy.Copy !req
468. Happier than I ever
thought I could be.Copy !req
469. All right, without you,
I wouldn't be anything.Copy !req
470. You're what keeps me going.Copy !req
471. You're my
Verizon-Chipotle-Exxon.Copy !req
472. As long as I'm with you,
I'm going to be happy.Copy !req
473. So we go to
Washington D.C.Copy !req
474. And then we figure out the next
cool and awesome thing from there.Copy !req
475. Okay?Copy !req
476. Okay.Copy !req
477. Well, that was a very good
Being Nice To Someone.Copy !req
478. I did it.Copy !req
479. Now I can go
finish the show.Copy !req
480. Well, it's time
for us to goCopy !req
481. But I want you to all to knowCopy !req
482. That karate's
not about fightingCopy !req
483. It's about knowing
who you areCopy !req
484. And being kind and honestCopy !req
485. While you're kicking
for the starsCopy !req
486. Yeah, that's
the Johnny Karate wayCopy !req
487. Keep karate in your heartCopy !req
488. And aspire to your dreamsCopy !req
489. And always remember
you're forever on my teamCopy !req
490. Yeah, that's
the Johnny Karate wayCopy !req
491. Karate yell!Copy !req
492. Hiya!Copy !req
493. Goodbye, Pawnee!
I will miss you.Copy !req
494. Guys? Guys? Guys!Copy !req
495. Tarantula!Copy !req
496. Could somebody get
me outta here? Please?Copy !req
497. I'll help you,
John Cena.Copy !req
498. No.Copy !req