1. Okay, Martin,
show us what you got.Copy !req
2. Okay,
so, I'm Quentin Tarantino.Copy !req
3. And I'm casting a movie.Copy !req
4. And I wanna put John
Malkovich in that movie.Copy !req
5. Quentin,
I'd be happy to be in your movie.Copy !req
6. But I want my friend
Tommy to be in it, too.Copy !req
7. I don't wanna be in your movie.Copy !req
8. I hate movies.Copy !req
9. Because I'm
Tommy Lee Jones.Copy !req
10. Ah!Copy !req
11. Who are any
of those people?Copy !req
12. Thank you, Martin.
Also, I'm George W. Bush.Copy !req
13. That's good.Copy !req
14. We are holding auditions
for the local talent stageCopy !req
15. at the Unity Concert.Copy !req
16. This is the last task
I need to accomplishCopy !req
17. before I can move forwardCopy !req
18. and take on the bigger
questions in my life.Copy !req
19. I hate tasks that
are uncompleted.Copy !req
20. I live for the check marksCopy !req
21. in columns indicating
the completion of tasks.Copy !req
22. Are we done here?Copy !req
23. Great.Copy !req
24. That feels good.Copy !req
25. This is a slam poem that I wrote.Copy !req
26. And I am speaking the slam poem
to you right now with my mouth.Copy !req
27. I cannot tell the
difference betweenCopy !req
28. what's supposed
to be slam poetryCopy !req
29. and what's just
him talking.Copy !req
30. I know.Copy !req
31. My second slam poem is called "My
Second Slam Poem by Perd Hapley, "Copy !req
32. by Perd Hapley.Copy !req
33. I'd have to check,
but I'm pretty sure we can handle that.Copy !req
34. I do have one question.Copy !req
35. Hold on.Copy !req
36. Oh, my God.Copy !req
37. Andy! Oh, my.. .
Sorry.Copy !req
38. Andy. Are you getting sick?Copy !req
39. I don't think so.
Don't get sick.Copy !req
40. Take more vitamin C.Copy !req
41. Copy that. Vitamin C.Copy !req
42. Is that the Fred one
or the Barney one?Copy !req
43. It's flu season again,Copy !req
44. and I cannot get sick.
I have too much work to do.Copy !req
45. Unfortunately,
Pawnee is likeCopy !req
46. a breeding ground
for diseaseCopy !req
47. due to our poor hygiene
habits and raccoon density.Copy !req
48. It's deeply ingrained
in our town's history.Copy !req
49. We used to crown
Miss Influenza every year.Copy !req
50. The CDC called the pageant
"ethically reprehensible".Copy !req
51. Stock up on Kleenex. Don't touch
your face. Don't touch anything.Copy !req
52. People are dropping
like flies.Copy !req
53. We already had to
quarantine Larry.Copy !req
54. Leslie, I don't feel good.Copy !req
55. Can't I just work
from home?Copy !req
56. The tent is your
home now, Larry.Copy !req
57. We already
forwarded your mail.Copy !req
58. Oh, well, here's something that's
going to make you feel really good.Copy !req
59. Guess who I just secured as
the headliner for the Unity Concert.Copy !req
60. Chipp McCapp!
No!Copy !req
61. Yes!
Nice!Copy !req
62. Wait, no,
I don't want to touch your hand. Wow!Copy !req
63. Who's Chipp McCapp?Copy !req
64. Chipp McCapp is
the most amazingCopy !req
65. 17-year-old country
singer in the entire world.Copy !req
66. He's like Indiana's
sweetheart.Copy !req
67. We are huge
Chippmunks.Copy !req
68. That's what his
fans call themselves.Copy !req
69. I don't know why. Chippmunks.
Because of the animal?Copy !req
70. No, that's too simple.
Yeah. Okay.Copy !req
71. His latest song,Copy !req
72. Beautiful Like My Mom
parenthesesCopy !req
73. Has, like, two million
hits on YouTube.Copy !req
74. She don't care about
no fancy trendsCopy !req
75. She's just a mom
from old South BendCopy !req
76. Get home safe, boys,
and thank you for protecting our freedom.Copy !req
77. Let's play it again.
Play it again.Copy !req
78. Donna, April,
wine country trainCopy !req
79. is leaving the station.
You ready?Copy !req
80. Yes. Donna, if you drive us there,
I will get very drunk.Copy !req
81. Deal? Fine, but we're listeningCopy !req
82. to Jodeci nonstop.Copy !req
83. Today at a local vineyard,Copy !req
84. a bunch of sommeliers,
AKA wine experts,Copy !req
85. are competing for
their certification.Copy !req
86. I'm going to hire the best
one at my new restaurant.Copy !req
87. Tom's Bistro.Copy !req
88. People that convince
other people to buyCopy !req
89. expensive stuff
they don't need.Copy !req
90. Those are the real heroes.Copy !req
91. I want to come. I love
wine and everything about it.Copy !req
92. The soil, the vines.Copy !req
93. I studied botany for three
years at Purdue University.Copy !req
94. Go, Boilermakers!Copy !req
95. There will be alcohol there,
so I will go, as well.Copy !req
96. Well, maybe
I'll tag along.Copy !req
97. I don't have any
more work to do.Copy !req
98. Maybe it will
be relaxing.Copy !req
99. I didn't invite
any of you.Copy !req
100. I started with
two cool peopleCopy !req
101. and I ended up with
a bunch of grandpas.Copy !req
102. Listen, grandpas.Copy !req
103. When we get
to the vineyard,Copy !req
104. there'll be a lot of
fancy people there.Copy !req
105. Please, I beg you,
don't embarrass me.Copy !req
106. How would we
embarrass you?Copy !req
107. You're already doing it.
I begged you.Copy !req
108. I love making cards and
putting them in the slots.Copy !req
109. Task completed.
Nice.Copy !req
110. I guess,
now that we've got Chipp McCapp as our headliner,Copy !req
111. I can get rid of my
awesome wish list.Copy !req
112. Yeah,
those are long shots.Copy !req
113. "Bob Dylan's friends"?Copy !req
114. I just thought maybe they
could get Bob Dylan to come.Copy !req
115. Land Ho. God,
I love them. Everybody does.Copy !req
116. But there's no way they're
getting back together.Copy !req
117. Their lead singer
split 10 years ago.Copy !req
118. He titled their last
album We'll Never Reunite.Copy !req
119. Leslie? No! Back in your tent,
sicky.Copy !req
120. I'm sorry,
but Chipp McCapp's manager called.Copy !req
121. He has to drop out.
No!Copy !req
122. Okay, we need
all hands on deck.Copy !req
123. There are no
hands to be on deckCopy !req
124. because everybody's
at the winery.Copy !req
125. Okay, Andy, you and I
need to handle this.Copy !req
126. We need to be
operating at maximum...Copy !req
127. Oh, no.Copy !req
128. Damn it, Larry!Copy !req
129. Sorry.Copy !req
130. Xander, my man-der.
Tom Haverford.Copy !req
131. Owner, operator,
and global ambassador for Tom's Bistro,Copy !req
132. opening this
spring in Pawnee.Copy !req
133. It's a pleasure
to meet you.Copy !req
134. Damn. Look at that
tie dimple. Respect.Copy !req
135. My main target for Tom's
Bistro? Xander Truffant.Copy !req
136. He's the best young
somm in the game.Copy !req
137. I don't say this lightly.Copy !req
138. He's basically the Bruno Mars
of Indiana amateur wine tasting.Copy !req
139. If you'll excuse me,
I must prepare for the tasting competition.Copy !req
140. I pour saline
water through my noseCopy !req
141. to clear the mucus
from my smell centers.Copy !req
142. That is the most beautiful
thing I've ever heard.Copy !req
143. Oh, man. It costs $200
to get certified.Copy !req
144. I wanted to make fun of
stupid people while I get drunk.Copy !req
145. My two true passions.Copy !req
146. You want to futz with these
fools? I will bankroll you.Copy !req
147. Really?
Oh, hell, yeah, pimp.Copy !req
148. Sounds like fun.Copy !req
149. Thank you.Copy !req
150. April Ludgate,
professional drinker.Copy !req
151. Uh, where did you
study, Ms. Ludgate?Copy !req
152. The Wine Academy.Copy !req
153. The Wine Academy?
In Bordeaux?Copy !req
154. Yes.Copy !req
155. Carol, make sure
she's in Group A.Copy !req
156. Uh, excuse me.
I want in, too.Copy !req
157. I know I don't
look the part,Copy !req
158. but I know everything
about wine and I will prove it.Copy !req
159. My name is
Craig Middlebrooks,Copy !req
160. and this is my
debit rewards card.Copy !req
161. Why wouldn't you run
this by me first, Dad?Copy !req
162. Whatever.Copy !req
163. Sorry, just weird
family business.Copy !req
164. Sounds private. No
need to discuss it with me.Copy !req
165. My parents had this small,
little vacation house on Lake Hubbard.Copy !req
166. And now,
they've sold it without telling the rest of us.Copy !req
167. Did you not hear me say there
was no need to discuss it with me?Copy !req
168. My dad sent me this check out
of the blue. My share of the profits.Copy !req
169. It's so disrespectful to
the family structure...Copy !req
170. Maybe a drink
will help.Copy !req
171. Put some alcohol
in your mouthCopy !req
172. to block the words
from coming out.Copy !req
173. Some of our
blueberry wine?Copy !req
174. We make it right
here at the vineyard.Copy !req
175. I don't drink alcohol from that
portion of the color spectrum.Copy !req
176. Hey!
Whoa, that's strong.Copy !req
177. Holy hell,
that's a lot of alcohol.Copy !req
178. We will take four bottles,
please, and thank you.Copy !req
179. We really need
Chipp McCapp becauseCopy !req
180. he is the headliner
to our whole concert.Copy !req
181. All we need to do is
go to Indianapolis,Copy !req
182. convince Chipp
to do the festivalCopy !req
183. and then, you know,
head home.Copy !req
184. Are you sure you're feeling up for this,
boss?Copy !req
185. I mean, if you have
to puke in my car,Copy !req
186. it's totally okay,
I do it all the time.Copy !req
187. I'm fine. I've had the flu before,
and I've worked through it.Copy !req
188. We just need to go to the pharmacy,
and I'll power through.Copy !req
189. Okay. Well, if you do collapse,
luckily, I know first aid.Copy !req
190. Or karate.Copy !req
191. That's not first aid.Copy !req
192. It is if you
do it right.Copy !req
193. Heimlich!Copy !req
194. Oh, I guess while
you get your medicine,Copy !req
195. I'll just stroll through the candy aisles,
but won't get any.Copy !req
196. You can buy two candies.Copy !req
197. Two?Copy !req
198. Can I help you?
I have the flu.Copy !req
199. Super-nauseated for a few days,
a lot of barfing.Copy !req
200. It's a total disaster.Copy !req
201. Plus, I have a ton of work to do,
so I need the good stuff.Copy !req
202. The Mariah-needs-
to-sing-tonight stuff.Copy !req
203. You don't look flushed,
no signs of fever.Copy !req
204. That just doesn't
seem like the flu.Copy !req
205. Oh!Copy !req
206. Could be aseptic meningitis.Copy !req
207. What is that?
Is that bad?Copy !req
208. It'd mean you have,
like, an hour to live.Copy !req
209. What?
It's probably not that.Copy !req
210. Sorry, it's my first day.Copy !req
211. No, it's the flu. I mean,
I don't think it could be anything...Copy !req
212. This counts as one.Copy !req
213. Hey, Ron.Copy !req
214. Can I just vent
for a sec?Copy !req
215. You may vent for as long as it
takes me to drink this bottle of wine.Copy !req
216. Okay, I'm so mad
at my parents.Copy !req
217. I mean, they both wanted the
house for Columbus Day weekend,Copy !req
218. and they fought so much,
they decided toCopy !req
219. just sell it to
spite each other.Copy !req
220. Which, I mean,
think about how...Copy !req
221. Stop talking.Copy !req
222. You know, you are
a wonderful guy,Copy !req
223. and I admire many
things about you.Copy !req
224. But you're a terrible person to
discuss personal problems with.Copy !req
225. Thank you,
friend. That really means a lot to me.Copy !req
226. Dry, medium acidity,Copy !req
227. medium-plus finish.Copy !req
228. Pumpkin,
undertones of lavender. Medium-plus body.Copy !req
229. It's mostly pumpkin.Copy !req
230. There's so much pumpkin,
it's like a Charlie Brown Halloween special.Copy !req
231. I'm getting notes of
dried robin's blood,Copy !req
232. old,
dirty cashews from your grandfather's basement,Copy !req
233. and just a hint of
a robot's bathwater.Copy !req
234. Ugh!Copy !req
235. That one sucks.Copy !req
236. An old world wine.
Italian.Copy !req
237. It's a Verdicchio
Doc Classico, 2010.Copy !req
238. Wait, sorry,
this is embarrassing.Copy !req
239. 2011.Copy !req
240. It's new world. Northern California,
Napa Valley.Copy !req
241. Some place beautiful
and warm and amazingCopy !req
242. where everyone
is in great shapeCopy !req
243. and the night sky
is full of stars!Copy !req
244. This comes from
your mother's butt.Copy !req
245. Possibly your
father's butt.Copy !req
246. Oh, actually, wait, never mind,
this is so embarrassing.Copy !req
247. This comes from John
McEnroe's butt from the year 3055.Copy !req
248. Man, you were in
the bathroom forever.Copy !req
249. The receptionist said that
Chipp will be out in just a second.Copy !req
250. But check it out,
I made all the little coffee pods they had.Copy !req
251. Good work, Andy.
Uh, I just need a minute.Copy !req
252. I'm going to call
Ben about nothing.Copy !req
253. No problem. Take your
time. I've got my hands full.Copy !req
254. My parents make me
so mad sometimes.Copy !req
255. Just like the time they couldn't
decide who gets the dog,Copy !req
256. so they just dropped it
off at the local synagogue.Copy !req
257. I was, like,
"Say what?"Copy !req
258. Hold on,
Ron. Hold that thought. Just for a sec.Copy !req
259. Hey, honey.
Hey.Copy !req
260. Uh, it's your me.
It's wife.Copy !req
261. IT'S LESLIE. KNOPE.Copy !req
262. I have very big
news for you.Copy !req
263. Oh, well, my teeth
are blue. Blueberries...Copy !req
264. What? Are you
having a stroke?Copy !req
265. I was just saying to Ron
that my dog's Jewish.Copy !req
266. Oh. Phone water.Copy !req
267. Ben? Hello?Copy !req
268. Hello? Hi. Leslie?Copy !req
269. Hello?Copy !req
270. It's dead.Copy !req
271. It's as dead as
Stanley Kubrick.Copy !req
272. I miss them both
so much, Ron.Copy !req
273. You know,
Leslie sounded weird.Copy !req
274. I don't want to wait for
Tom. I want to walk home.Copy !req
275. I'll join you. I'm always
game for a brisk walk.Copy !req
276. Also, if I leave you alone,
I'm pretty sure you'll die.Copy !req
277. Home is that way.Copy !req
278. Watch out for
that fence.Copy !req
279. Who's that guy making
moves on Xander?Copy !req
280. I don't know,
but he's real fancy. He's speaking French.Copy !req
281. You know I picked up
a little French-CanadianCopy !req
282. when I dated
that Montreal Expo.Copy !req
283. Ah, Mister Haverford.Copy !req
284. Allow me to introduce
Terrence Montreaux.Copy !req
285. He is a restaurateur
like yourself.Copy !req
286. You own a restaurant, too?Copy !req
287. No, monsieur. I own 12.Copy !req
288. I am here to find the best
sommeliers as soon as they are,Copy !req
289. how you say, certified.Copy !req
290. That was my idea.Copy !req
291. That is everyone's idea.Copy !req
292. That is why we have this,
how do you say, thing.Copy !req
293. Okay,
don't act like you don't know the word "thing."Copy !req
294. With a fillet mignon,
I'd recommend a red.Copy !req
295. Something bold and dry,
like David Sedaris.Copy !req
296. Perhaps you could
recommend a Riesling instead.Copy !req
297. Not if you're
eating steak, you loon.Copy !req
298. You know in the movies,
when the cops show upCopy !req
299. and find lipstick on a wine
glass next to a dead body?Copy !req
300. This is that wine.Copy !req
301. I'll bring the
girls You bring the beerCopy !req
302. And the troops
will bring the freedomCopy !req
303. We're sorry to
interrupt, Chipp. Hi.Copy !req
304. We just wanted to say we are such
big fans. It's an honor to meet you.Copy !req
305. Yeah. Well,
I'm very blessed.Copy !req
306. And it's always nice to meet my
amazing fans who keep me going.Copy !req
307. You're the real superstars.Copy !req
308. Thank you.Copy !req
309. Can somebody give me
one of those LunchStacks?Copy !req
310. And stack them
for me this time.Copy !req
311. Cheese on top,
or no one gets paid.Copy !req
312. You got it, Chipp.Copy !req
313. That's my dad.
Guy's such an idiot.Copy !req
314. We wanted to talk to youCopy !req
315. about the Unity
Concert in Pawnee.Copy !req
316. You said you were going to do it,
but then said you weren't.Copy !req
317. We really want
you to do it.Copy !req
318. So...Copy !req
319. Can you do it?
Yeah.Copy !req
320. Uh, no. I'm sorry,
I got a previous engagement. It's a bummer.Copy !req
321. Oh.Copy !req
322. Here you go, Chipp.Copy !req
323. Well, look at that.
The cheese is on top.Copy !req
324. Of turkey.
You dick. I want ham.Copy !req
325. Sorry, son.
They were out of ham.Copy !req
326. All right, well,
maybe I should just let Mom be manager, then?Copy !req
327. Pick them up, Skipp.Copy !req
328. This guy's the worst.Copy !req
329. I mean, it sucks that
they didn't have ham.Copy !req
330. But you can't treat
your dad like that.Copy !req
331. I know. He's a monster.
But we need him.Copy !req
332. Your job's not that hard,
okay? Just anticipate my needs.Copy !req
333. Anticipating, Chipp.Copy !req
334. Of the 25 entrants today,Copy !req
335. only one has deemed himself
worthy of a sommelier certificate.Copy !req
336. Oh, my God.
Are you sure? No way.Copy !req
337. Oh, my God. Thank you.
Thank you so much, everyone.Copy !req
338. I think we can agree that
all wine tastes the same.Copy !req
339. And if you spend
more than $5 on wine,Copy !req
340. you are very stupid.
Security.Copy !req
341. I just want to thank all the
people that got me here.Copy !req
342. Norbit, uh, Pluto Nash,
all the Klumps.Copy !req
343. Congratulations to the next
Indiana Master Sommelier,Copy !req
344. Xander Truffant.Copy !req
345. I've got to go talk to Xander
before Terrence gets to him.Copy !req
346. Cover me.
Got you.Copy !req
347. Oh, my goodness.
Mon Dieu!Copy !req
348. Xander.
Yeah.Copy !req
349. Look. Tom's Bistro is
going to be the dopest,Copy !req
350. quite possibly trillest
restaurant in the area.Copy !req
351. What do you say?
You want to work with me?Copy !req
352. Thank you, but I've already accepted
an offer from Monsieur Montreaux.Copy !req
353. I'll double whatever
he's paying you.Copy !req
354. You'll pay me
$500,000 a year?Copy !req
355. I will pay you one-tenth
of whatever he's paying you.Copy !req
356. Sorry.Copy !req
357. Aw, man, this wine bottle
is all out of the wine.Copy !req
358. Well, hello, gentlemen.Copy !req
359. What brings you out
on this fine evening?Copy !req
360. Mother.Copy !req
361. Whoa! Where'd you come from?Copy !req
362. Uh, that's a
complicated question.Copy !req
363. All depends on whether your
conception of time is linear or circular.Copy !req
364. What?Copy !req
365. Hello, Ron.
Ron.Copy !req
366. You know this hobo?Copy !req
367. He was my counterpart from
the Eagleton Parks Department.Copy !req
368. Dude. Are you a ghost?Copy !req
369. Am I?Copy !req
370. What is happening
right now?Copy !req
371. We know that you have that
important other engagement...Copy !req
372. Yo, I gots to get
that haircut. Snip!Copy !req
373. It's not just Pawnee that
needs you. It's the entire region.Copy !req
374. Permission to speak, son?Copy !req
375. Pawnee is kind of the
gateway to that whole region.Copy !req
376. They do buy
a lot of albums.Copy !req
377. They sure ain't buying
toothpaste. Bunch of dirty hicks.Copy !req
378. What if we fly me
in and out same day,Copy !req
379. so I wouldn't have to spend
a night in your crap town?Copy !req
380. Excuse me.
Pawnee is a good town.Copy !req
381. With good people
from all walks of life.Copy !req
382. Plus, it is an amazing place
to raise kids and start a family.Copy !req
383. You think I care
about that?Copy !req
384. Look. I can do
whatever I want. All right?Copy !req
385. If I want to shoot a paintball gun at my dad,
I'm going to do it.Copy !req
386. Good shot, son.
I'm proud of you.Copy !req
387. You're crazy. This is over.
Okay? Pawnee does not need you.Copy !req
388. And you should know that,
when you shook my hand earlier,Copy !req
389. there was pee
on my palms.Copy !req
390. That makes us sound like
hicks. We're not. Shut up. Stupid.Copy !req
391. Okay. Let's go, Andy.Copy !req
392. You get pee-palm,
too? Every time! Shh!Copy !req
393. You know what? That was
awesome. You were great.Copy !req
394. I thought you were going
to punch that kid's lights out.Copy !req
395. It was not awesome.Copy !req
396. I lost our headliner,
I can't stop throwing up,Copy !req
397. and Ben has not
called me back yet.Copy !req
398. I'm sorry
I'm so frazzled.Copy !req
399. There's just a lot of
things going on right now.Copy !req
400. Personal things that I
can't talk to you about.Copy !req
401. You know, Leslie,
sometimes life throws us crazy curves.Copy !req
402. And yes, this moment may
be the biggest curveCopy !req
403. you've ever had
to deal with.Copy !req
404. But just because your
family is getting biggerCopy !req
405. does not mean that
you can't handle it.Copy !req
406. You and Ben can
handle anything.Copy !req
407. Wow!Copy !req
408. Andy, thank you.Copy !req
409. That's exactly what I
needed to hear right now.Copy !req
410. God, it's so weird that you know
that I'm pregnant before Ben does.Copy !req
411. Pregnant?
Holy crap! Leslie!Copy !req
412. Yeah. What did you think?Copy !req
413. I thought you
were getting a dog.Copy !req
414. Why did you go like this?Copy !req
415. That's a sign for petting a
dog that's sitting on your lap.Copy !req
416. Pregnant? Wow!Copy !req
417. Oh, that's amazing.Copy !req
418. Andy, I think we need to focus on
the fact that we have lost our headliner.Copy !req
419. We are out of options.
It's time for a Hail Mary.Copy !req
420. Scott Tanner, the lead singer of Land Ho,
he lives in Pawnee, right?Copy !req
421. I love him. I'm sure
he knows Bob Dylan,Copy !req
422. but I don't know
if they're friends.Copy !req
423. No, what if we go to him and
beg him to reunite Land Ho?Copy !req
424. For one night only.
Let's do it.Copy !req
425. Waitress,
you mind boxing all this up, please?Copy !req
426. Put it in a doggy bag.Copy !req
427. She's gettin' a dog!Copy !req
428. Sorry, I'm pretty
drunk. Um.Copy !req
429. Where are we?Copy !req
430. Well, that's the
big question, isn't it?Copy !req
431. We're in Indiana.
Can we go, please?Copy !req
432. Mr. Ron Dunn,Copy !req
433. I have something
I'm very angry about,Copy !req
434. but other Ron
isn't helping me.Copy !req
435. I can tell by the
indigo on your ChicletsCopy !req
436. that you've been
drinking blueberry wine.Copy !req
437. That's a good start.Copy !req
438. The Wamapoke called
it "mattapiqua."Copy !req
439. They believed it
had mystical powers.Copy !req
440. Yeah, it also
tastes like jelly.Copy !req
441. So what's got your goat,
there, friend?Copy !req
442. My parents, they
had this lake house,Copy !req
443. and they sold it
without telling me.Copy !req
444. And so I was like,
"Why?" You know?Copy !req
445. I was like,
"God, you guys!"Copy !req
446. Oh. You're hanging onto that anger for dear life,
compadre.Copy !req
447. That's no way to live.Copy !req
448. Let's role-play.Copy !req
449. I'll be your father.Copy !req
450. And, Ron, you take
the role of Ben's anger.Copy !req
451. Perfecto.Copy !req
452. Well, goodnight, everyone.Copy !req
453. I'm going to go home
and feel totally fine.Copy !req
454. Who am I kidding?
I'm going to go home,Copy !req
455. put on a Macy Gray album,
and cry in the mirror!Copy !req
456. Why are you bummed?Copy !req
457. Yeah, we got drunk and made fun
of a bunch of snobs. It was amazing.Copy !req
458. Are you all blind? I want
that job at Tom's Bistro.Copy !req
459. I've been trying to show you
for the last five hours.Copy !req
460. You want the job? But
you already work at Parks.Copy !req
461. You can only afford a
part-time sommelier anyway.Copy !req
462. I mean, this is southern Indiana,
not the Loire Valley.Copy !req
463. Look, man,
you know your stuff,Copy !req
464. but you're like
a crazy volcano.Copy !req
465. You'd have to show me
you can bring it down a notch.Copy !req
466. I'll bring it down
1,000 notches if I have to!Copy !req
467. How are we going to convince
this guy to reunite Land Ho?Copy !req
468. Same way I got a
perfect score on the SATs.Copy !req
469. Broken Scantron machine.Copy !req
470. Okay, wait. Andy,
that is not a good strategy, okay?Copy !req
471. I will give him a brief explanation
about the Unity Concert.Copy !req
472. And you stand by.
Stand by.Copy !req
473. Oh, God, I'm sorry.Copy !req
474. Hello?
Scott Tanner.Copy !req
475. It's Scott Tanner.Copy !req
476. Ah... Hi. My name's Andy.Copy !req
477. And this barfing lady
over here is Leslie.Copy !req
478. We just need 10 minutes
of your time.Copy !req
479. To do what?Copy !req
480. To convince you
to reunite Land Ho.Copy !req
481. Listen,
it means a lot to me that you guys loved the band.Copy !req
482. And I'm going to tell
you the exact same thingCopy !req
483. I've told everyone who
has ever asked us to reunite.Copy !req
484. No.Copy !req
485. Listen, I know that
you and the bandCopy !req
486. aren't on the best
of terms right now.Copy !req
487. But bringing people
together is exactlyCopy !req
488. what we want to
talk to you about.Copy !req
489. Hold that. Hold that down
at the bottom. Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
490. This looks like it's going
to be a great concert.Copy !req
491. The band just does
not play anymore.Copy !req
492. Well, I understand.Copy !req
493. Excuse me.
I'm sorry.Copy !req
494. My stomach is
trying to murder me.Copy !req
495. You still drunk from last
night? I've been there.Copy !req
496. You know, this town
still loves you.Copy !req
497. I'm in a band myself,
actually. Mouse Rat.Copy !req
498. And we cover about five of
your songs and they just go nuts.Copy !req
499. Really? Which ones?Copy !req
500. Catapult me into the sunCopy !req
501. And I'll burn, baby, burnCopy !req
502. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
503. Johnny Karate?Copy !req
504. I thought you said
your name was Andy.Copy !req
505. Oh, yeah, it is. I'm also
a children's performer.Copy !req
506. He played at Joey's
birthday and he's awesome.Copy !req
507. Sing Karate Chop Master.Copy !req
508. I'll do it as long as
your dad sings along.Copy !req
509. Let's do it.It's
easy. You'll pick it up.Copy !req
510. Karate chop master
I'm a karate chop masterCopy !req
511. And I will karate chop youCopy !req
512. Chop, chop, chop, chop
Kick, kick, kick, kick, chopCopy !req
513. Scott, you sing.Copy !req
514. Chop, chop, kick, kick
Kick, kick, kick, kick, chopCopy !req
515. No. Just listen to me.Copy !req
516. Chop and a chop and a
kick-kick-kick-kick chopCopy !req
517. And tighten the throat
And chop-a-kick chopCopy !req
518. Now, your turn.Copy !req
519. Chop, chop, kick, kick, chopCopy !req
520. Harmony! Oh, my God!Copy !req
521. Chop, chop, kick
Chop, kick-kick-kickCopy !req
522. And a chop and a kick
and a kick and a...Copy !req
523. No.Copy !req
524. No. It's not.. . You didn't...
I mean.. . Just listen.Copy !req
525. Good evening. May I assist
you with a wine tonight?Copy !req
526. Yeah. I'm having fish,
so maybe a full-bodied red?Copy !req
527. You know, sir,
you might want to considerCopy !req
528. something white to
go with your fish.Copy !req
529. No. Red.Copy !req
530. And bring some ice cubes.Copy !req
531. I like ice cubes
in my red wine.Copy !req
532. I'll have a glass of your
most expensive red wineCopy !req
533. mixed with a glass of
your cheapest white wine,Copy !req
534. served in a dog bowl.Copy !req
535. And silly straws
all around, please.Copy !req
536. I'll be right back
with my recommendations.Copy !req
537. He seems to be
keeping it together.Copy !req
538. What kind of
monster orders red with fish?Copy !req
539. I know they're messing
with me and it's just a test,Copy !req
540. but have some decency!Copy !req
541. Can you hear everything people
say in that conference room?Copy !req
542. I've been taking what I
thought were private phone calls.Copy !req
543. I've heard everything.Copy !req
544. I know all about the
car dealership in Tampa.Copy !req
545. If you tell anyone...Copy !req
546. Okay.Copy !req
547. For you, sir, a light,
crisp Pinot with just a hint of lemonCopy !req
548. to bring out the
flavors in your fish.Copy !req
549. I brought you
a bold Cabernet,Copy !req
550. which should still taste
okay when watered down.Copy !req
551. And for you, madam,
would you consider this rose?Copy !req
552. It's halfway between
red and white.Copy !req
553. Thanks very much.
Enjoy.Copy !req
554. I think I may have
found my new sommelier.Copy !req
555. That was so embarrassing!Copy !req
556. We'll have to make sure the wine
cellar at Tom's Bistro is soundproof.Copy !req
557. That was amazing.Copy !req
558. That was ridiculous.Copy !req
559. That was beautiful.Copy !req
560. You're surrendering
to the Earth Mother.Copy !req
561. Now, stare into the fire
and picture your spirit animal.Copy !req
562. I don't know what
my spirit animal is.Copy !req
563. Because it doesn't existCopy !req
564. because that's nonsense
because you're an adult.Copy !req
565. Baby snow owl.Copy !req
566. He's right.Copy !req
567. Our spirit animals connect
us to the natural world.Copy !req
568. You need to remain
open to their message.Copy !req
569. Watch.Copy !req
570. Welcome back,
old friend.Copy !req
571. Whoa!Copy !req
572. If you really want to
cleanse yourself of that anger,Copy !req
573. take that check and
send it into the flames.Copy !req
574. And up into the air
with your screams.Copy !req
575. Do not burn that check.
It is money.Copy !req
576. No. Ron is right, Ron.Copy !req
577. There, there,
baby snow owl.Copy !req
578. You're safe now.Copy !req
579. Take it easy, Chipp.Copy !req
580. Hey, check it out. Scott Tanner
just posted to the band's old websiteCopy !req
581. that Land Ho is
playing the Unity Concert.Copy !req
582. People are going crazy.
We've sold 500 tickets so far!Copy !req
583. God, Andy, that's so great.
You really saved the day.Copy !req
584. Especially since I threw
up in that guy's piano.Copy !req
585. You got it, boss.
We got your back.Copy !req
586. Now you need
to get home.Copy !req
587. You and Ben have
some planning to do.Copy !req
588. Yeah.Copy !req
589. You're gonna need
a cage, a water bowl.Copy !req
590. Right. Thanks.
You have a good vet?Copy !req
591. Tick medicine.Copy !req
592. This is him right here.Copy !req
593. I'll also get out here and
walk home. You sure?Copy !req
594. This thing runs on
vegetable oil and bat guano.Copy !req
595. Actually cleans
the air as it drives.Copy !req
596. Quite sure. Thank you.Copy !req
597. Hey.Copy !req
598. Thank you for
helping me with my anger.Copy !req
599. Brother, the greatest
journey you'll ever knowCopy !req
600. is this one we call life.Copy !req
601. You've already
emerged from your cocoon.Copy !req
602. Now the question is,
will you fly?Copy !req
603. Yeah,
I don't feel any better. I'm still angry. Damn it.Copy !req
604. I don't know why this lake
house thing is driving me so crazy.Copy !req
605. Sorry we couldn't help you
work through your problems.Copy !req
606. Now, if you'll excuse me,Copy !req
607. I've got a lady,
two little girls,Copy !req
608. and an infant
waiting for me.Copy !req
609. It's always nice to see the
kids at the end of a long day.Copy !req
610. Really puts things
in perspective.Copy !req
611. Oh, my God. Ben,
I have so much to tell you.Copy !req
612. We got Land Ho to
play the Unity Concert.Copy !req
613. Whoa! What happened to you?Copy !req
614. It doesn't matter.Copy !req
615. I thought I was upset
because my parents are insane.Copy !req
616. But Ron kind of just
showed me the real reason.Copy !req
617. I have so many childhood
memories at that lake houseCopy !req
618. that, in the back of my mind,
I always pictured taking my kids,Copy !req
619. or taking our kids there.Copy !req
620. I want to start our family.Copy !req
621. I mean, I know things are crazy,
but there's no good time.Copy !req
622. And I want to do it. Now.Copy !req
623. Well, buddy,
I've got some good news for you.Copy !req