Parks and Recreation 5x7

1. - 2020. - THAT'S A STRETCH.

2. - FINE. 2024.

3. I WIN, WE MOVE IN THERE.

4. I'LL TAKE THE WEST WING. YOU TAKE THE EAST WING.

5. YOU CAN BE THE FIRST GENTLEMAN.

6. - ACTUALLY, THAT SOUNDS KIND OF GREAT.

7. THANKS FOR COMING WITH ME TO GET MY STUFF.

8. - HOW COULD I PASS UP AN OPPORTUNITY

9. TO LOOK AT OUR FUTURE HOUSE?

10. - OH, JUST REMEMBERED.

11. I KIND OF GOT YOU AN ENGAGEMENT PRESENT.

12. - IS IT A WAFFLE TOWER?

13. - I MEAN, IT'S A LITTLE BETTER THAN THAT.

14. - CLAUDIA WELDERS.

15. - UH, THAT— HOW DID—

16. HOW DID YOU DO THIS? - CALLED IN A FEW FAVORS.

17. - EXCUSE ME.

18. - A FEW HUNDRED FAVORS.

19. MR. VICE PRESIDENT.

20. BEN WYATT FROM CONGRESSMAN MURRAY'S OFFICE.

21. - HEY, BEN. DAVE TOLD ME YOU WERE GONNA BE COMING BY.

22. AND YOU MUST BE LESLIE KNOPE.

23. WELCOME. WELCOME.

24. YOU'RE—MY NAME JUST CAME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH.

25. - WELL, YEAH, IT DID.

26. - THIS ISN'T HAPPENING.

27. THIS ISN'T REAL.

28. - NO, IT'S HAPPENING,

29. AND I'M DELIGHTED TO HAVE YOU HERE.

30. ON BEHALF OF THE PRESIDENT AND MYSELF,

31. I WANTED TO— - OH, MR. VICE PRESIDENT,

32. BUT THERE'S NO WAY THAT I COULD TAKE OVER

33. MADAM SECRETARY CLINTON'S POSITION.

34. I MEAN— - I'M CONFIDENT

35. YOU COULD DO THAT JOB OR ANY OTHER, BUT—

36. - OKAY, I WILL.

37. - WELL, THE REASON YOU'RE HERE IS I'M TOLD

38. YOU'VE DONE SUCH A GREAT JOB

39. IN YOUR TOWN AND IN THE STATE OF INDIANA,

40. AND I JUST WANT TO SAY CONGRATULATIONS

41. FOR YOUR PUBLIC SERVICE.

42. - AND I JUST WANT TO SAY THANK YOU.

43. - WELL, YOU— YOU'RE VERY WELCOME.

44. YOU'RE VERY WELCOME.

45. HEY— Y-YOU'RE VERY WELCOME.

46. - YOU'RE VERY HANDSOME. - I THINK WE'RE ALL DONE.

47. - WELL, YOU'RE VERY NICE. - OKAY. THANK YOU.

48. - THANK— THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

49. - THANK YOU VERY MUCH. WE'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

50. - WELL— OH, WELL, YOU WILL?

51. - THANK YOU, MR. VICE PRESIDENT.

52. - Y-YOU'RE WELCOME.

53. - YOU DON'T LET ANYTHING HAPPEN TO HIM, YOU UNDERSTAND ME?

54. HE IS PRECIOUS CARGO.

55. - YEAH, IT'S ACTUALLY THE SAME ACCOUNTING FIRM I ALMOST JOINED

56. LAST YEAR, AND THEY GAVE ME A GREAT PACKAGE—

57. THREE WEEKS OF VACATION, MATCHING 401(k),

58. AND A PRETTY SWEET WINDBREAKER.

59. - WOW. - I'M GETTING MARRIED,

60. AND I WANTED A GOOD STABLE JOB,

61. SO I'M GOING BACK TO ACCOUNTING.

62. SO JUST CALL ME BOND,

63. MUNICIPAL BOND.

64. YEAH, THAT JOKE KILLED AT THE ACCOUNTING FIRM.

65. - WELL, WELL, WELL.

66. IF IT ISN'T MR. LOOKS AND PROFESSOR BOOKS.

67. HE'S LOOKS. - I GOT IT.

68. - OF COURSE YOU DO, BOOKS. WHAT'S GOING ON?

69. BEN JUST GOT AN AMAZING ACCOUNTING JOB.

70. I HAVE TO GO TO A MEETING.

71. UN-FUN FACT: MY UNCLE JUST HAD A STROKE.

72. WELL, I'M OFF.

73. - THIS IS ACTUALLY A CRAZY COINCIDENCE.

74. I HAVE A NEW COMPANY

75. AND COULD USE YOUR HELP ON THE MATH SIDE OF THINGS.

76. - OH, WHAT'S THE NEW COMPANY? - WE SPECIALIZE IN MAKING STACKS

77. ON STACKS ON STACKS ON STACKS.

78. - RIGHT. PASS.

79. - I'M KIDDING.

80. IT'S A REAL IDEA.

81. SO GET THIS—

82. KIDS ARE ALWAYS GROWING OUT OF THEIR CLOTHES,

83. SO THEIR PARENTS DON'T WANT TO BUY 'EM NICE THINGS.

84. I'M GONNA RENT MY UPSCALE CLOTHING

85. TO MIDDLE SCHOOL KIDS, BECAUSE I DISCOVERED

86. I'M ROUGHLY THE SAME SIZE AS THE AVERAGE PAWNEE 12-YEAR-OLD.

87. - THAT'S ACTUALLY A REALLY GREAT IDEA.

88. - I KNOW. CAN YOU TAKE A LOOK AT THE BUSINESS PLAN,

89. TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK?

90. - SURE. WHY NOT? - AWESOME.

91. - WASHINGTON, D.C. HAS

92. MORE DOG PARKS PER CAPITA THAN MOST CITIES.

93. PAWNEE ONLY HAS TWO DOG PARKS—

94. THIS ONE AND THAT ONE,

95. WHICH IS ALSO AN ACTIVE PARKING LOT.

96. - CAN YOU SAY "PER CAPITA" AGAIN?

97. I WANT TO TAKE A PICTURE OF YOU SAYING "PER CAPITA."

98. - STOP. - I AM SO PROUD OF YOU.

99. NOW STAND NEXT TO THE SCREEN AND THINK ABOUT

100. ALL THE STRONG FEMALE ROLE MODELS IN YOUR LIFE.

101. - GROSS. - APRIL CAME TO ME

102. WITH AN IDEA TO BUILD A DOG PARK IN PAWNEE.

103. I RECOGNIZED HER POTENTIAL A LONG TIME AGO,

104. AND SHE'S FINALLY LIVING UP TO IT.

105. I MEAN, I AM SO PROUD OF HER,

106. I COULD CRY.

107. AND... HERE WE GO.

108. ONE TINY CRITIQUE.

109. IF YOU DO WANT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY,

110. YOU MIGHT WANT TO THINK A LITTLE BIT

111. ABOUT HOW YOU PRESENT YOURSELF.

112. - NO, THIS IS PUBLICITY

113. FOR ORIN'S NEW PERFORMANCE ART SHOW.

114. HE'S AN ANIMAL LIVING ON A HUMAN FARM.

115. AND YOU CAN GO AND FEED HIM FROM YOUR OWN HAND.

116. - UGH, THAT'S HORRIFYING,

117. - SO, AFTER REVIEWING ALL THE OPTIONS,

118. I FOUND THAT THE BEST LOCATION FOR THE DOG PARK

119. IS LOT 48,

120. THE ONE BEHIND ANN'S HOUSE.

121. NO. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

122. I'VE BEEN TRYING TO PUT A PARK THERE FOR FOUR YEARS.

123. SEE, THE THING IS, APRIL, THAT LOT IS MINE.

124. I'VE BEEN DOING SLOW, PAINSTAKING WORK

125. SO I DON'T WANT TO WHIP OUT THE LEGALESE ON YOU NOW,

126. BUT I GOT DIBS.

127. WHAT WE ARE GONNA DO

128. IS WE'RE GONNA TAKE YOUR ENTHUSIASM,

129. WE'RE GONNA BUNDLE IT UP,

130. AND WE'RE GONNA FIND A NEW PLACE FOR A DOG PARK.

131. DOESN'T THAT SOUND FUN?

132. ONE, TWO, THREE, CHEESE. GOOD GIRL.

133. - GOOD MORNING, ANDY.

134. - OKAY, SOMETHING IS DIFFERENT ABOUT MY COMPUTER.

135. AHA. IT'S GONE.

136. A GAME IS THE FOOT.

137. SEE, PART OF THE POLICE ACADEMY ENTRANCE EXAM

138. IS INVESTIGATING A CRIME.

139. SO ABOUT A MONTH AGO I TOLD EVERYONE IN THE OFFICE

140. THAT, AT SOME POINT, THEY SHOULD STEAL SOMETHING

141. FROM MY DESK SO I COULD PRACTICE.

142. LET'S DO THIS.

143. WAIT, HEY, DID YOU GUYS TAKE MY GLASSES TOO?

144. THEY GOT MY SUNGLASSES TOO.

145. - I WAS IN MIAMI LAST WEEKEND.

146. I TOOK MY TALENTS TO SOUTH BEACH.

147. - HOW DO YOU SPEND YOUR TIME IN MIAMI?

148. MAYBE FENCING STOLEN COMPUTERS?

149. - YES, I TOOK YOUR GOVERNMENT COMPUTER

150. FROM INDIANA TO MIAMI

151. TO SELL IT ON THE BLACK MARKET

152. - HA-HA, YOU DON'T KNOW IT, BUT YOU JUST GAVE YOURSELF AWAY.

153. - GOTTA SAY, I'M IMPRESSED.

154. YOUR MISSION STATEMENT MADE SENSE,

155. AND YOU DIDN'T USE ONE R. KELLY LYRIC.

156. - YES.

157. SO YOU WANT TO BE MY CFO?

158. - WELL, I ALREADY HAVE A JOB,

159. BUT I'LL HELP AS A FRIEND.

160. AS LONG AS YOU TAKE WHAT I SAY SERIOUSLY.

161. I DON'T WANT ANOTHER ENTERTAINMENT 720 DISASTER

162. ON OUR HANDS.

163. - YEAH, IT WAS A DISASTER.

164. TOO BAD WE DIDN'T SEE IT COMING.

165. ALL RIGHT, WHAT'S MY FIRST MOVE?

166. - YOU KNOW, I THINK ANY OF THE FOUR PREVIOUS LOCATIONS

167. WOULD WORK, BUT THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT THIS PLACE.

168. IT JUST HAS A REALLY GOOD ENERGY HERE,

169. YOU KNOW? LOTS OF NATURAL LIGHT.

170. - IT'S TINY AND AWFUL AND LOUD.

171. AND IT'S ZONE 14B, INDUSTRIAL WASTE CLEAN-UP SITE.

172. WE SHOULD TECHNICALLY BE WEARING HAZMAT SUITS RIGHT NOW.

173. - IT SEEMS LIKE THE KIND OF PLACE A SKA BAND WOULD GO

174. TO SHOOT HEROIN.

175. - COME ON, GUYS, THIS IS A GREAT PLACE FOR A DOG PARK.

176. I MEAN, LOOK, THERE'S ALREADY A DOG HERE.

177. - OH, MY GOD. I HAD THAT EXACT DOLL

178. WHEN I WAS A KID.

179. THIS IS— THIS IS TRAUMATIC FOR ME.

180. - WELL, I'M SORRY, BUT LOT 48 IS THE ONLY ONE THAT WORKS.

181. AND I'M DEFINITELY BRINGING IT UP

182. AT THE NEXT CITY COUNCIL MEETING.

183. - APRIL, PLEASE, I BEG OF YOU,

184. I WILL DO ANYTHING TO KEEP YOU FROM DOING THAT.

185. - OKAY. SAW OFF YOUR PINKY TOE.

186. - NO. - SHAVE YOUR HEAD.

187. - NO. - HAVE SEX WITH JERRY.

188. - NO.

189. - WELL, I TRIED TO BE REASONABLE.

190. - I HAVE CREATED A MONSTER.

191. AND NOW I NEED TO DESTROY HER.

192. WHAT DO I DO, JOE?

193. WELL, LESLIE,

194. LOOK INTO MY EYES, TAKE A DEEP BREATH,

195. AND EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE.

196. THANKS, JOE.

197. GOD, HE'S GOOD.

198. - RON, THANK YOU FOR AGREEING TO SEE ME.

199. - I DIDN'T. YOU JUST WALKED IN HERE AND STARTED TALKING.

200. - I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR A HISTORY LESSON.

201. LOOK, I AM TRYING TO REMOVE PARKING METERS,

202. AND THERE IS A GUY IN PUBLIC WORKS

203. WHO'S BEING A REAL THORN ABOUT IT.

204. - WHICH GUY? - RICKY JORDACHE.

205. - NEVER HEARD OF HIM. WHAT'S HIS DEAL?

206. - HE'S NEW. HE USED TO BE A SLACKER,

207. BUT NOW HE'S REALIZING HIS FULL POTENTIAL,

208. BUT AT WHAT COST?

209. HE'S SMART, AND HE'S BEAUTIFUL,

210. AND I THINK OF HIM IN MANY WAYS AS A DAUGHTER,

211. BUT THAT WOULD BE CRAZY 'CAUSE HE'S A MAN

212. AND HIS NAME'S RICKY.

213. HERE'S MY QUESTION.

214. HOW DID YOU USED TO SLOW ME DOWN

215. WHEN I WAS BECOMING TOO ME-ISH?

216. - SOMETIMES I'D JUST GIVE YOU BUSY WORK.

217. I ONCE HAD YOU PUT TOGETHER A BROCHURE

218. ABOUT DIFFERENT KINDS OF INDIANA TOPSOIL.

219. - THAT SOIL BROCHURE WAS NOT BUSY WORK.

220. I MEAN, PEOPLE STILL REFER TO MULCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING.

221. - AND IF YOU WERE PARTICULARLY AMPED UP ABOUT A PROJECT,

222. I'D TAKE YOU TO JJ'S AND DISTRACT YOU WITH WAFFLES.

223. - THOSE WERE DISTRACTION WAFFLES?

224. I THOUGHT THEY WERE FRIENDSHIP WAFFLES.

225. - BREAKFAST FOOD CAN SERVE MANY PURPOSES.

226. - BUT WHAT IF THIS PERSON, THIS RICKY, WHO IS REAL,

227. DOESN'T LIKE WAFFLES

228. - EVERYBODY HAS SOMETHING THEY'RE PASSIONATE ABOUT.

229. JUST FIGURE OUT WHAT IT IS, EXPRESS AN INTEREST IN IT,

230. AND DIVERT HIS ATTENTION.

231. - HOWDY, NEIGHBORS.

232. WELCOME TO HUMAN FARM.

233. HERE'S YOUR ANIMAL FEED. PLEASE DON'T FEED THE ANIMALS.

234. - WOW, THIS IS REALLY, REALLY COOL.

235. I LIKE THE STATEMENT IT'S MAKING

236. THAT, YOU KNOW, WE'RE ALL IN CAGES IN A WAY.

237. - YEAH, IT'S ACTUALLY ABOUT DEATH AND THE CITY.

238. - YEAH. I SEE THAT NOW.

239. HI, ORIN.

240. - MS. WICKS, IF YOU'VE READ OUR PROPOSAL,

241. YOU'LL SEE THAT AN ALLIANCE BETWEEN RENT-A-SWAG

242. AND SWEETUMS COULD BE MUTUALLY BENEFICIAL.

243. - WELL, I MUST SAY IT'S A MUCH BETTER IDEA

244. THAN THE LAST ONE YOU HAD,

245. THAT GOURMET FRENCH FOOD THING.

246. - OH, MY ESCARGOT DELIVERY SERVICE, SNAIL MAIL.

247. SO YOU WANT TO PARTNER UP AND MAKE HISTORY?

248. I MEAN, YOU'VE ALREADY MADE HISTORY

249. AS THE WORLD'S MOST BEAUTIFUL CEO.

250. - I'M REALLY SORRY, CUTIE.

251. THE COMPANY'S LAYING LOW RIGHT NOW

252. DUE TO A SMALL MISHAP.

253. - AH, YES.

254. THE SWEETUMS MOLASSES STORAGE VAT EXPLODED,

255. RESULTING IN A SLOW-MOVING ECOLOGICAL DISASTER.

256. - WELL, ALL PRESS IS GOOD PRESS.

257. - NO, THIS WAS BAD PRESS.

258. A LOT OF HOMES WERE VERY GRADUALLY FLOODED.

259. - PEOPLE DIED.

260. ACTUALLY, SPEAKING OF,

261. WE'RE STARTING UP A NON-PROFIT FOUNDATION

262. TO RESTORE OUR NAME.

263. ANY INTEREST IN RUNNING IT?

264. - OH, I'M—I'M SORRY, YOU WANT ME TO RUN YOUR NON-PROFIT WING?

265. - I KNOW THAT BOBBY NEWPORT IS MY STEPSON,

266. BUT THE WORK YOU DID ON LESLIE'S CAMPAIGN WAS AMAZING.

267. YOUR NAME IS ON OUR SHORT LIST.

268. - JUST TO CLARIFY,

269. IT'S A NO TO ME ON ALL FRONTS,

270. AND YOU'RE OFFERING BEN A JOB?

271. - YEAH. - COOL. COOL.

272. - BEEN LOOKING AT YOUR FILE ALL DAY,

273. JERRY— IF THAT EVEN IS YOUR REAL NAME.

274. - IT'S NOT. MY REAL NAME IS GARY.

275. - WELL, GARY—IF THAT EVEN IS YOUR REAL NAME—

276. SOMEBODY STOLE MY COMPUTER. NOW, IF YOU'RE A CRIMINAL,

277. LOOK AT ME,

278. YOU HAVE TO TELL ME LEGALLY,

279. OR ELSE IT'S CONSIDERED ENTRAPMENT.

280. - I'M SORRY, ANDY. IT WASN'T ME.

281. - OH, MAN, REALLY?

282. - NO. - OKAY.

283. OKAY, SO WE KNOW IT'S NOT JERRY,

284. UNLESS HE WAS LYING TO ME.

285. I CAN NEVER TELL WHEN PEOPLE ARE LYING TO ME.

286. HOPEFULLY THAT DOESN'T COME UP IN MY POLICE WORK.

287. - I THINK WE SHOULD DO MORE STUFF LIKE THIS.

288. YOU KNOW, I THINK PAWNEE NEEDS AN AMAZING ARTS PROGRAM.

289. MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST DROP EVERYTHING AND COORDINATE IT.

290. - I'M NOT STUPID.

291. - WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

292. - IT MEANS THAT THE ONLY REASON YOU BROUGHT ME HERE

293. IS TO DISTRACT ME FROM THE DOG PARK.

294. YOU HATE THIS SHOW. - I LOVE THIS SHOW.

295. - WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE PART? - THE HEAVY-HANDEDNESS.

296. YOU KNOW WHAT, I HAVE TO GO TALK

297. - WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO COUNCILMAN JAMM?

298. - BECAUSE I TOLD HIM ABOUT THE DOG PARK IDEA,

299. AND HE LOVES IT. HE THINKS IT'S A GREAT IDEA.

300. HE'S GONNA SUPPORT MY MOTION

301. AT THE CITY COUNCIL MEETING TOMORROW,

302. AND HE GAVE ME A REALLY COOL DENTAL MIRROR

303. - OUR DISPUTE ASIDE, YOU SHOULD BE CAREFUL WITH JAMM.

304. HE'S A SNAKE, I'M TELLING YOU.

305. - YEAH, LIKE I SHOULD TRUST YOU OUT OF ALL PEOPLE RIGHT NOW.

306. - MOO.

307. MOO. - QUIET, WEIRDO.

308. AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE A SHEEP?

309. - NO. YOU ARE.

310. - OH, SHUT UP.

311. - TOM WOULD MAKE A GREAT PROFILE FOR YOUR SHOW.

312. I MEAN, THIS IS A GUY WHO'S LEARNED

313. THROUGH AN UNBELIEVABLE SERIES OF BONEHEAD BUSINESS MOVES.

314. - NOT TO MENTION IN THE LAST MONTH ALONE

315. THREE PEOPLE HAVE CONFUSED ME

316. FOR A SHORTER, INDIAN RYAN GOSLING.

317. - IT'S INTERESTING, BUT I THINK I NEED TO WAIT

318. UNTIL THE BUSINESS HAS BEEN AROUND

319. FOR A FEW MONTHS, MAKE SURE IT'S VIABLE.

320. YOU'RE THE GUY WHO RAN THE CONGRESSIONAL CAMPAIGN

321. IN WASHINGTON, RIGHT? - YEAH.

322. - WHAT, ARE YOU GONNA OFFER HIM A JOB?

323. - YES. WE'RE LAUNCHING

324. A NEW POLITICAL CHAT SHOW, AND WE NEED CORRESPONDENTS.

325. - OH, WELL, THANK YOU,

326. BUT I'M A LITTLE SHAKY ON LIVE TV.

327. - THAT'S OKAY. PEOPLE WANT AUTHENTICITY.

328. THINK ABOUT IT? - DIDN'T YOU HEAR HIM?

329. HE STINKS ON TV.

330. HE SWEATS. HE STUTTERS.

331. IT'S LIKE THE KING'S SPEECH,

332. BUT THE FIRST PART, BEFORE HE'S FIXED.

333. - THAT WAS MY FAVORITE PART OF THE MOVIE.

334. - WHAT IS HAPPENING?

335. - CHRIS TRAEGER.

336. - YUP. HI, ANDY.

337. - I KNOW YOU DID IT.

338. - DID WHAT?

339. DON'T PLAY STUPID AND HANDSOME WITH ME.

340. YOU STOLE MY COMPUTER SO THAT I COULD PRACTICE

341. FOR MY POLICE EXAM.

342. YOU'RE AS GUILTY AS YOU ARE SEXY.

343. - ANDY, ANOTHER COMPUTER WAS REPORTED STOLEN

344. FROM THE OFFICES ON THE OTHER SIDE

345. OF THE COURTYARD.

346. I DON'T THINK

347. THIS IS PART OF YOUR POLICE TRAINING.

348. I THINK CITY HALL WAS ROBBED.

349. - I CAN'T TELL IF YOU'RE LYING TO ME.

350. REALLY? - I THINK.

351. - LIKE A REAL CRIME? THAT'S EVEN BETTER.

352. IT'S AGENDA ITEM 280B,

353. A MOTION TO CONSTRUCT A DOG PARK

354. ON MUNICIPAL LOT 48.

355. - MS. LUDGATE, YOU HAVE THE FLOOR.

356. - THANK YOU, COUNCILMAN JAMM.

357. YOUR HELP AND GENERAL NON-AWFULNESS

358. IS MUCH APPRECIATED.

359. LESLIE, MEMBERS OF THE COUNCIL,

360. I BELIEVE THAT MUNICIPAL LOT 48 SHOULD BE A DOG PARK.

361. WELL, IT SOUNDS LIKE THERE'S CONSIDERABLE OPPOSITION TO THIS,

362. SO I'M SORRY, MS. LUDGATE,

363. YOU SHOULD GO NOW.

364. - REALLY? I JUST HEARD ONE HAG BOOING.

365. - LADIES, PLEASE, LET'S KEEP THIS CIVIL.

366. - COUNCILMAN, PAWNEEANS,

367. SATISFIED CUSTOMERS OF JAMM ORTHODONTICS,

368. AS WE DISCUSS WHAT TYPE OF PARK TO PUT ON LOT 48,

369. I HAD A THOUGHT.

370. HOW ABOUT NO PARK?

371. WHO HERE THINKS PARKS ARE STUPID?

372. LET THE RECORD SHOW THAT EVERYONE IS RAISING THEIR HANDS.

373. I HAPPEN TO KNOW FOR A FACT THAT PAWNEE'S FAVORITE

374. FAST FOOD RESTAURANT, PAUNCH BURGER, NEEDS A NEW LOCATION.

375. NOW, SEEING AS HOW THE FUTURE OF LOT 48 IS OPEN

376. FOR DEBATE, I MOVE WE SELL IT TO PAUNCH BURGER

377. FOR A NICE PROFIT.

378. YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO BE ASIAN TO DO MATH THAT SIMPLE.

379. - YOU TOLD ME YOU WANTED A DOG PARK.

380. - UH, PSYCH.

381. - THAT'S NOT FAIR. YOU LIED TO ME.

382. - YOU JUST GOT JAMMED.

383. - I HATE WHEN HE SAYS THAT.

384. - I TOLD YOU THAT JAMM WAS A SNAKE.

385. - WELL, IT TAKES A SNAKE TO KNOW A SNAKE.

386. - SO NOW I'M A SNAKE? - YES.

387. YOU DECEIVED ME FOR TWO STRAIGHT DAYS,

388. AND YOU EAT MICE.

389. - I DON'T EAT MICE. - YES, YOU DO.

390. YOU'RE A MOUSE EATER. MOUSE EATER.

391. MOUSE EATER. - ENOUGH!

392. YOU ARE FRIENDS AND COWORKERS.

393. IN THIS OFFICE, WE TREAT EACH OTHER WITH RESPECT.

394. - HEY, APRIL, HOW IS THAT DOG PARK COMING?

395. - GET OUT, JERRY. - THIS IS PRIVATE!

396. - SORRY, GUYS.

397. - WE ARE NOT LEAVING HERE UNTIL YOU TWO FIGURE THIS OUT.

398. RON, GUARD THE DOOR.

399. - YES, SIR.

400. - NO ONE LEAVES THE OCTAGON.

401. I DATED AN ULTIMATE FIGHTER.

402. IT WAS LIKE A THING HE SAID.

403. - WHAT'S THE PLAY HERE, OFFICER?

404. YOU GONNA SET UP A PERIMETER,

405. MAYBE BUG A FEW PHONES?

406. OOH, I KNOW. WE COULD PUT OUT

407. A DUMMY COMPUTER FOR THEM TO STEAL,

408. FILL IT WITH EXPLOSIVES FIRST,

409. BOOM, TAKE 'EM ALL OUT.

410. - YEAH, WE'RE NOT DOING ANY OF THAT.

411. - ANDY, I LOVE YOUR ENTHUSIASM, BUT WE DON'T REALLY HAVE

412. THE KIND OF MONEY TO LAUNCH A MASSIVE INVESTIGATION.

413. - YOU'RE JUST GONNA FILL OUT THIS STUPID REPORT

414. AS A FUTURE COP, YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND,

415. I CANNOT LET THIS GUY GO.

416. - LOOK, MAN, THIS IS WHAT MOST POLICE WORK IS.

417. JUST WRITING STUFF DOWN.

418. IT'S NOT SUPERHERO TIME.

419. IF IT SOUNDS BORING,

420. MAYBE YOU OUGHT TO DO SOMETHING ELSE.

421. - MAYBE WE SHOULD FIND THE PERSON

422. WHO STOLE HIS POSITIVE ATTITUDE.

423. - HEY, MAN.

424. - HEY, MAN. GET ANY MORE JOB OFFERS

425. SINCE I LAST SAW YOU?

426. - YEAH, BUT IT WAS JUST A MANAGEMENT POSITION

427. AT URBAN OUTFITTERS.

428. I TURNED IT DOWN.

429. - I DON'T KNOW, MAN. MAYBE I CAN'T HACK THIS.

430. MAYBE I SHOULD TAKE A CUE FROM YOU

431. AND STICK WITH MY BORING DAY JOB.

432. - WELL, MY ACCOUNTING JOB ISN'T BORING.

433. - IF IT WAS REMOTELY INTERESTING,

434. THEY HAVE A SHOW ABOUT STORAGE UNIT AUCTIONS.

435. - FAIR POINT.

436. LOOK, IF YOU'RE PASSIONATE ABOUT THIS,

437. KEEP AT IT. THINGS WILL TURN AROUND.

438. ALSO CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT TIME

439. THAT SHOW ABOUT STORAGE UNITS IS ON?

440. - 9:30.

441. - ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA HAVE TO FORCE THIS.

442. LESLIE, MAYBE YOU WANT TO ADMIT

443. THAT YOU HAVEN'T BEEN THE GREATEST ROLE MODEL.

444. - I DON'T CARE. ORIN'S MY ROLE MODEL.

445. - APRIL, MAYBE YOU WANT TO ADMIT

446. THAT YOU'VE BEEN A LITTLE SELFISH

447. AND INCONSIDERATE.

448. - LOOK, ALL I EVER WANTED WAS FOR YOU TO SHOW THE ENTHUSIASM

449. YOU SHOWED FOR YOUR DOG PARK, AND, WHEN YOU DID,

450. I BLEW IT.

451. AND I'M SORRY. - FINE.

452. I'M SORRY THAT I OUTSMARTED YOU AT EVERY TURN.

453. - APRIL. - AND I KNOW I HAVE A LOT

454. TO LEARN FROM YOU, AND I'M SORRY

455. THAT I DISRESPECTED YOUR STUPID DREAM.

456. - A LOT OF LOVE IN THIS ROOM.

457. - I'M VERY, VERY SORRY. - ME TOO.

458. - I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH. - I LOVE YOU TOO.

459. I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS IN FRONT OF HER.

460. - OKAY. - OKAY, ANN,

461. SINCE YOU'RE SUCH A GENIUS, WHAT DO WE DO NOW?

462. - NEITHER OF YOU WANT JAMM TO WIN, NOR DO I,

463. BECAUSE I HATE PAUNCH BURGER,

464. BUT, IF THERE IS ONE IN MY BACKYARD, I WILL EAT THERE,

465. LIKE, EVERY NIGHT, AND THAT IS NO GOOD.

466. SO I SAY WE STOP PLAYING DIRTY WITH EACH OTHER,

467. AND WE START PLAYING DIRTY WITH JAMM.

468. - YES. WE'LL HAVE TRIPLE-SEX WITH HIM.

469. - NO. I HAVE AN IDEA. IT'S VERY UNCOOL,

470. BUT IT'S NOT ILLEGAL, TECHNICALLY,

471. BUT IT IS A DICK MOVE.

472. - I LOVE IT.

473. - HEY, CAPTAIN.

474. MY NEW SUSPECT—THE DUDE WHO RUNS CARPET EMPORIUM.

475. THE WAY I FIGURE IT IS,

476. CRIMINALS LOVE TO WRAP THINGS UP IN RUGS.

477. PLUS, HE YELLED AT ME WHEN I TRIED TO UNROLL 'EM ALL, SO...

478. - ANDY, WHILE I APPRECIATE YOUR DEDICATION

479. I THINK YOU MIGHT WANT TO TAKE INTO ACCOUNT

480. WHAT THE POLICEMAN SAID.

481. - I MEAN, GOSH,

482. IF I CAN'T EVEN INVESTIGATE BAD GUYS,

483. WHY BECOME A COP AT ALL?

484. - WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

485. BECAUSE THE BAD FEELINGS MAKE ME FEEL SWEATY.

486. YOU KNOW WHAT, MAYBE I SHOULD BAIL

487. - CITY HALL NEEDS A NEW PART-TIME SECURITY GUARD

488. FOR THE WEEKENDS.

489. YOU WANT TO DO THAT?

490. LOOK AT IT AS A WAY TO FEEL OUT

491. BUT, KEEP IN MIND, IF YOU TAKE THIS JOB,

492. YOU MUST KEEP YOUR CLOTHES ON AT ALL TIMES,

493. EVEN IF YOU GET SAD.

494. - NO DEAL.

495. OKAY, I'LL DO IT.

496. - THAT A BOY. - I'LL DO IT. I PROMISE.

497. AND I GET A GUN,

498. AND I CAN POINT IT IN PEOPLE'S FACES.

499. - INCORRECT.

500. - HEY. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

501. - OH, HELLO, COUNCILMAN.

502. THE DOGS ARE HERE BECAUSE THERE'S NO DOG PARK

503. IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD, AND THE KIDS ARE HERE

504. BECAUSE THERE'S NO HUMAN PARK IN YOUR AREA.

505. THEY ALL NEEDED A PLACE TO PLAY.

506. - MY FRONT LAWN?

507. - THAT'S RIGHT,

508. AND THEY'RE GONNA KEEP USING IT

509. UNTIL THERE'S AN ACTUAL PARK NEARBY.

510. - HEY, HEY, LADY, GET THAT THING OFF MY GNOME.

511. HE IS DRY-HUMPING MY GARDEN GNOME.

512. STUPID BEAST. - COUNCILMAN JAMM, WE JUST NEED

513. A LITTLE BIT MORE TIME TO DESIGN OUR PARK.

514. AND, IF YOU PLOW THROUGH AND IGNORE US,

515. THIS IS GONNA BE YOUR LIFE.

516. - I'LL CALL THE POLICE.

517. - YEAH, SIC THE POLICE ON A BUNCH OF KIDS AND PUPPIES.

518. THAT'S A GREAT PHOTO OP. - FINE.

519. GENTLEMAN'S AGREEMENT.

520. IN 90 DAYS, WE'LL PUT OUR PLANS TO A VOTE.

521. WINNER TAKE ALL. - DEAL.

522. - GREAT, NOW CALL OFF THE ACTUAL DOGS.

523. I WANT THESE KIDS OFF MY LAWN.

524. I WANT THAT HULA HOOP OFF MY 'VETTE.

525. RIGHT NOW. - HEY, JAMM.

526. YOU JUST GOT KNOPED. AND LUDGATED.

527. AND PERKINSED. - HA-HA.

528. NICE TRY. IT DIDN'T WORK.

529. YOU JUST GOT JAMMED.

530. - OKAY, SO LET'S GET TO WORK.

531. - WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, DO YOU NEVER JUST TAKE A SECOND

532. TO ENJOY THINGS?

533. - I JUST SAID, "LET'S GET TO WORK."

534. HOW ELSE DO PEOPLE ENJOY THINGS?

535. - I KNOW YOU CHANGED YOUR MIND LAST TIME

536. WE OFFERED YOU A JOB,

537. BUT WE ARE JUST THRILLED

538. THAT YOU CHANGED IT AGAIN.

539. - THANK YOU. ME TOO.

540. - THIS IS OUR BEST OFFICE.

541. AS YOU CAN SEE THROUGH THE WINDOW,

542. YOU HAVE A GREAT VIEW OF THE BILLING DEPARTMENT.

543. HEY, SHARON! - SHH.

544. - SORRY. SHE'S FUN.

545. SO, PLEASE,

546. IF THERE'S ANYTHING WE CAN DO

547. TO MAKE YOU HAPPIER IN YOUR NEW JOB,

548. JUST LET ME KNOW.

549. - OH, NO, THIS IS GREAT, BARNEY.

550. THANK YOU.

551. BUT I HAVE TO QUIT AGAIN.

552. - WHAT—OHH! IS THIS A CLASSIC BEN JOKE?

553. - NO. I'M REALLY SORRY.

554. BUT I JUST DON'T WANT TO DO THIS.

555. I NEED TO MOVE MY LIFE IN ANOTHER DIRECTION.

556. - THIS IS DISAPPOINTING. AGAIN.

557. MAYBE SOMEDAY WE'LL FIGURE OUT THE MAGIC FORMULA

558. THAT GETS YOU TO WORK HERE.

559. - WELL, FORMULAS ARE MY FORMULA FOR MOOLAH.

560. TED, GET IN HERE!

561. BEN'S QUITTING AGAIN, BUT YOU GOTTA HEAR WHAT HE SAID.

562. - LESLIE'S BEEN SAYING FOR WEEKS I SHOULD DO SOMETHING

563. I LOVE, AND SHE'S RIGHT.

564. AND I'LL HELP TOM OR MAYBE TRY TO DO THAT TV THING

565. OR MAYBE WORK FOR THE SWEETUMS FOUNDATION.

566. I DON'T KNOW. LIFE IS SHORT.

567. WHY BE AN ACCOUNTANT, YOU KNOW?

568. I MEAN, OTHER THAN THE STABILITY AND THE HEALTH PLAN

569. AND THE ABOVE-AVERAGE PAY.

570. OH, GOD, THIS BETTER WORK OUT.