Parks and Recreation 3x8

1. Gee whiz. The Harvest Festival was a real triumph.

2. We had over eighty thousand people in attendance,

3. which surpassed our wildest expectations.

4. I would like to specifically single out Leslie Knope.

5. I speak for the mayor, city council, and all of Pawnee

6. when I say we can't wait to see

7. what the heck you're going to do next.

8. Step on up here, Les.

9. Thank you.

10. Paul, are you okay?

11. Uh...

12. Oh, my gosh. Holy!

13. Oh, my God.

14. Call 911!

15. That was the second most awkward way

16. a man has ever grabbed my breast.

17. All right, guys. Everybody, listen up.

18. Just a few notes about our camping retreat tomorrow.

19. We're all gonna meet here and leave as a group

20. at 6:45 a.m. , promptly.

21. Why are we doing this?

22. Harvest Fest is over.

23. We do not wanna have a sophomore slump.

24. This camping trip is our chance to think of some really big ideas.

25. Why don't you just tell us what our next project is,

26. and I'll go camping by myself.

27. Look, I have ideas, Ron. Okay? I have, like, 100 new ideas.

28. But the point is, the pressure is on.

29. We only have one chance to make a second impression.

30. What portion of this camping trip will take place outside?

31. All of it. Pass.

32. Can't pass. It's a mandatory work retreat.

33. I have a question. What if we're scaling a cliff

34. and I start to fall?

35. Can I grab onto your boob for support?

36. No, Tom, don't. Her boob kills.

37. My boob does not kill.

38. Paul did not die. He had a heart attack,

39. which required an octuple bypass.

40. Besides, the Pawnee Sun said that my chest saved his life.

41. How's the best municipal department in Pawnee?

42. That's you guys.

43. Paul is going to be recuperating for a while.

44. So, the mayor asked me to step in as City Manager.

45. And I of course accepted immediately because Pawnee is literally

46. the greatest town in the country.

47. Of course, I am gonna miss Indianapolis,

48. which is the most wonderful city in America.

49. I'm so excited to be working with you all again.

50. And Leslie, I cannot wait to hear your new big idea.

51. I wanna hit the ground running, and your new mystery project

52. is going to be the hydration pack

53. that gets me to the finish line.

54. You're all my little hydration packs.

55. I'm sure I am not.

56. Ron.

57. Are, too.

58. Hydration pack!

59. Hey, you gotta hear this hilarious story that he's telling me.

60. Tell her what happened.

61. My identity was stolen.

62. His identity was stolen.

63. Tell her about the accounts.

64. They were frozen.

65. Frozen.

66. Bye, Kyle.

67. Where are you going? Oh, my God.

68. How's the coolest chick ever? Not good.

69. What do you mean?

70. Leslie's making us go on a camping retreat.

71. That's awesome. Camping's the best.

72. Camping sucks.

73. It's super boring.

74. And you can see the stars, which I hate. They're creepy.

75. I love camping. I bet you I can get you to love it, too.

76. Why don't I meet you out there?

77. If you hate it, we'll leave and go make out. But if you love it,

78. we'll stay and make out. Either way, a ton of making out.

79. You in?

80. Ann Perkins. Chris.

81. Hey. I heard you were back. Yeah.

82. I didn't do this because of you.

83. Well, it looks great.

84. Yeah, you look great. Am I right? It's...

85. So good running into you.

86. You know, we should get together soon. I'd love to catch up.

87. Me, too. Catch up and mustard.

88. Ketchup and mustard. I just was...

89. Oh!

90. So delightful.

91. I relish your wit.

92. Well, I salsa your face.

93. I should hate him. He broke up with me.

94. Well, there was an ex that I still liked after he broke up with me.

95. But it was really hard to stay mad at him. He was an amazing dentist.

96. You know, when he saw me, I swear his face lit up.

97. Ann.

98. What do you think "We should get together soon" means?

99. No. Do not read into this.

100. Remember, this is the guy that was so upbeat and positive,

101. when he broke up with you, you didn't even know it happened.

102. Yeah.

103. Come camping with us.

104. It'll be really fun. You'll be away from Chris. You can brainstorm.

105. I'll give you first dibs on s'mores.

106. Okay. That sounds fun.

107. Here is our official retreat schedule.

108. It divides our time evenly between work and play.

109. Come on, everybody. Let's hustle.

110. Let's get to the brainstorming!

111. Great attitude, Ron.

112. I just wanna get the work over as soon as possible

113. so I can do some fishing.

114. Fishing relaxes me.

115. It's like yoga, except I still get to kill something.

116. All right. I call this wonderful spot.

117. You didn't bring a tent?

118. I don't really go camping ever, Jerry.

119. So, I'm not going to spend $150 on a tent.

120. I'm just gonna sleep on the floor.

121. It's called the ground when it's outside.

122. Whatever.

123. Why? Do you guys do this a lot? Camping?

124. I've never been before, but I think I'm gonna love it.

125. Why am I gonna love it?

126. SkyMall.

127. Come check out my tent. I ordered a bunch of crap off SkyMall.

128. I got my TV, my Xbox, DVD.

129. Awesome bed right there.

130. DJ Roomba's in the mix.

131. It's like I'm not even camping.

132. This is actually a dog couch,

133. but it's super comfortable.

134. It's really important to me that April loves camping.

135. So, I went ahead and set up the ultimate campsite love nest.

136. Complete with beautiful starlight.

137. We got champagne. Also, rose petals.

138. As you can see, they smell terrific.

139. We need big ideas, and we need 'em now. Who wants to go first?

140. I propose that we take all the money we made from the Harvest Festival

141. and return it to the citizens.

142. So, how much would that be per person?

143. About 83 cents.

144. Per household.

145. Before postage.

146. Are we done?

147. What do Jay-Z, Lil Wayne, and Drake all have in common?

148. Oh, I know this one. They are all rappists.

149. Oh, my God. They're rappers, Jerry.

150. And what they have in common is none of them

151. have ever performed in Pawnee. Why?

152. Because we don't have an adequate concert venue.

153. Until now.

154. The Pawnee Amphitheater.

155. How much would that cost?

156. Not that much. $200, $300 million.

157. Right. Great.

158. Luxury dog park.

159. Do you want to tell us any more?

160. Poodles only. No pooping.

161. Hey. Where are you?

162. I'm here. Where are you?

163. We're inside the main entrance,

164. near the sign that says "Pawnee Campground."

165. I'm in a totally different place.

166. That's why we can't see each other.

167. My God, Andy,

168. I don't even wanna be here.

169. The air is too fresh. It's disgusting. I can't breathe.

170. There's a brook somewhere that won't stop babbling. Shut up!

171. Sweetheart. Just hold tight and I'll be there.

172. Well, April is right here.

173. And I am down here somewhere.

174. How about we just invest the money?

175. Make 4% a year.

176. You know, set up a nice little nest egg for the city.

177. What do you think?

178. Great idea. Thanks, white Urkel.

179. All right. Maybe it's not the sexiest idea, Tom, but it's smart.

180. What are you even still doing here? Harvest Festival is over.

181. Shouldn't you be back in Indianapolis?

182. Hey. Ben helped us launch the Harvest Festival,

183. and he knows how Chris's mind works.

184. And he's a valuable asset to the team.

185. Thank you.

186. April has not presented her idea. April?

187. I didn't come up with anything. Why?

188. Because I know that whatever we come up with

189. isn't gonna be good enough anyway,

190. and we're just gonna go with your idea.

191. She's got a point.

192. Leslie, just tell us what your idea is

193. so I can go back to the Thunderdome.

194. That's what I'm calling my tent.

195. I am really disappointed in all of you.

196. You know, the whole town is looking at us right now.

197. And you're letting 'em down.

198. Take an hour. Go clear your heads

199. and see if you can come up with a real idea that we can use.

200. And also, see if you're interested

201. in contributing to this department.

202. Then, after that, I will tell you my idea.

203. Wow. You really let 'em have it.

204. Well, I had no choice. I didn't wanna tell them my idea.

205. Why not? Because I don't have one.

206. I don't have an idea, Ann.

207. I'm so screwed, Ann.

208. The meeting is tomorrow, and I don't have anything.

209. Why not just build the park on the lot behind my house?

210. Chris wants the new project to generate revenue.

211. What about those binders in your office?

212. They're filled with small ideas.

213. We need a big, juicy idea.

214. I'm so desperate, I even brought in my dream journal,

215. hoping it would inspire me.

216. "I married ALF and we're pretty happy."

217. That sounds nice. It was.

218. Okay, listen to me. You are smart and creative and talented,

219. and you're gonna be fine. You're probably right.

220. I just need an hour and it'll come to me.

221. Hello?

222. Andy, you have to save me.

223. I'm camping with people I work with.

224. Hello. April.

225. Hello?

226. Walk around in circles like I am.

227. Help triangulate the phone call.

228. Hello?

229. Hang on. I'm gonna try to get to higher ground.

230. I found some thorns.

231. I mean, yes, my daughter might think she is old enough

232. to be sexually active with her boyfriend.

233. But I'm sorry, 16,

234. that just seems too young to be on birth control.

235. You know, I was 24 when Gayle took my virginity.

236. What say we just stand here in silence

237. and think of ideas for projects?

238. You know what I should do? I should lead a teen abstinence workshop.

239. That might be incredibly effective.

240. Hey, Tom.

241. One second. I'm just in the middle of a head massage.

242. Well, that's a good stopping point. What's up?

243. Uh...

244. You wanna bounce some ideas off each other?

245. Here's a better idea. How about I bounce my way over to my dog couch

246. and watch a little Season Six of Top Chef?

247. All right.

248. I know Leslie seems upset.

249. But the truth is, she's better than us

250. at this stuff by a thousand miles.

251. So, there's really no point. Care for some fondue?

252. Yeah.

253. Hey. How do you afford all this stuff?

254. I just return it the next day and claim it was defective.

255. The key is crying a lot.

256. No one likes to hear a grown man cry.

257. "And then, my hand accidentally went in the panini press!"

258. Hey. You wanna go for a walk?

259. Yeah.

260. Wow. The sky is really beautiful.

261. It's pollution from the Sweetums factory. It's gorgeous,

262. but is it worth the asthma?

263. No.

264. Ben, this new project idea,

265. it's not really a big deal. I'm probably making too much out of it.

266. Oh, no, no. It's really big.

267. I mean, you got everyone's attention with the Harvest Festival.

268. Now, you're gonna seal the deal.

269. It's the chance you've been waiting for.

270. What if the festival was, like, a high point for me,

271. and I never do anything better than that?

272. Then you wouldn't be Leslie Knope.

273. So, I have to keep thinking about good ideas all the time,

274. or I'm no longer myself?

275. No, no, no. No, no. Not at all.

276. I've just honestly never met someone who works as hard as you do.

277. I mean, you're like the Energizer Bunny of city government.

278. And when she looked in the back of her car,

279. she saw that even though it was her own private property,

280. she would be forced to take it in

281. for a state inspection!

282. Okay, guys. Listen up.

283. What was that? That was me talking.

284. No, I heard it, too. Andy?

285. If that's a coyote, someone needs

286. to pick me up off the ground now.

287. Oh, my God!

288. Hey, guys.

289. What are you doing here?

290. I was just out for my nighttime run,

291. and I thought, "Why not go visit the Parks Department?"

292. How's everything going here?

293. Super great. Really well.

294. We have a great idea.

295. Tell me now while I sit on this boulder.

296. I'm much more receptive to new ideas

297. when my heart rate is still elevated.

298. Chris, do you wanna maybe just talk for a minute?

299. Let them work?

300. Oh! Sure.

301. What was that? What was that?

302. Leslie, just tell us your idea.

303. Los Angeles, Season One isn't gonna watch itself.

304. Here it is.

305. What do you think?

306. I don't have an idea. I'm sorry.

307. I thought if we all worked really hard,

308. I could come up with something.

309. But I don't have anything, and we're totally screwed.

310. And what we need to do is just keep working and just work again more

311. and just do it and get it. And then we got it and we're good.

312. Go with that.

313. I think I'm gonna turn in.

314. You're not going anywhere.

315. No one's going anywhere. No one's sleeping

316. because this is an all-nighter. And that'll be fun.

317. We'll all stay up and then, I'll be like, "Hey! No one sleep!"

318. Do you hear how loud that is?

319. You're not sleeping through that.

320. Is there anything else to eat?

321. The marshmallows are all gone.

322. We have nothing to eat.

323. Jerry scared all the fish away with his loud personal stories.

324. I wanna go home. I miss my canopy bed.

325. Yeah. I'm fine with not camping.

326. Especially since my stupid boyfriend abandoned me!

327. I'll fire up the van.

328. You know, I've never moved this slowly before.

329. It's almost like being in quicksand.

330. Hey, um, listen.

331. When you dumped me, it was really embarrassing.

332. You just kind of took off.

333. Oh, I'm so sorry. I mean, I never meant to hurt you.

334. And well, I'm back now.

335. Hey, I have a great idea.

336. Why don't we go to this rustic diner that I know?

337. We can have egg white omelets and we can continue to talk about us.

338. Sounds good.

339. No, no.

340. Chocolate or butterscotch?

341. Swirl me. Dude, camping is awesome. I love it.

342. Excuse me, gentlemen.

343. How long have you been running power to this tent?

344. I don't know. How long have we been here?

345. Ten hours.

346. No! I was TiVoing Cupcake Wars.

347. This is ridiculous!

348. Look, I am used to a certain level

349. of comfort in my life, and I didn't want to sacrifice that.

350. Okay, well, I packed everything up.

351. So, now, you're telling me I have to go unpack it?

352. Guys, this is a sign.

353. You wanted to leave, and now you're stuck here with me.

354. So, we can work all night.

355. This is gonna be so much fun! All-night work!

356. All-night work! All-night work!

357. You know what? There's a bed and breakfast right up the road.

358. I'm gonna head there.

359. Yes. Let's keep brainstorming.

360. I have a good feeling about this B&B.

361. One day, there's gonna be a plaque there that reads,

362. "This is where Leslie Knope came up with the amazing idea for.. ."

363. Damn, I thought that would work.

364. Welcome to the Quiet Corn.

365. I'm Elsa Clack.

366. Breakfast is served between 5:30 and 6:15 a.m.

367. What if we sleep to a normal hour?

368. Well, that would be very rude of you.

369. May I take your breakfast order?

370. We have hardboiled eggs,

371. homemade tomato slices with dry seed and leek jam,

372. and your choice of German muffin.

373. What the is a German muffin?

374. Oh, good Lord.

375. I call the bed.

376. Awesome. I hate this place.

377. This place is the exact opposite of SkyMall.

378. Listen to this. "Dear Quiet Corn,

379. "thank you for your beautiful inn.

380. "My wife and I spent three nights of ecstasy in this room."

381. Gosh.

382. There are no TVs anywhere.

383. This place is lamer than outside.

384. I'm chillin'.

385. What was that?

386. Gin.

387. Here you come, sleeping in the tent

388. Oh, my God.

389. Sleeping in the tent

390. I found you.

391. Oh, I found you

392. And I had to fight a squirrel

393. Where have you been?

394. I told you I was gonna take you camping, didn't I?

395. Yeah. Well, I'm taking you camping.

396. Look at this. This is what I had set up at the other campsite.

397. Except for it was way nicer there.

398. But this'll do. I've got some champagne.

399. And I had to drink most of it to survive.

400. So, I'm kind of buzzed right now.

401. I'm just glad you're here.

402. Can we make out now?

403. Now, you have to understand that, at the time,

404. I genuinely thought that you and I would never see each other again.

405. I completely understand.

406. That's what makes you so amazing. No.

407. Ann Perkins. Amazing.

408. Oh, no.

409. Oh, no?

410. Oh, no.

411. No, no, no. I wasn't saying that

412. I thought we should get back together again.

413. But you said.. . You indicated...

414. Oh, my God. This is happening again.

415. I have to move, right?

416. Yeah. I'm gonna leave the country.

417. Bye, everybody. Bye.

418. Hey.

419. Hey. Couldn't sleep? No.

420. My room was filled with cat hair and cat smell and actual cats.

421. Roughly 12 cats.

422. Sounds delightful.

423. Leslie, what are you doing?

424. I am listening to Steal My Sunshine by Len.

425. A one-hit wonder, like me.

426. You're not a one-hit wonder.

427. Well, I will be.

428. I peaked at the Harvest Festival, Ron.

429. Years from now, people are gonna say,

430. "Remember that woman who came up with the Harvest Festival idea

431. "and never came up with another idea again? What happened to her?

432. "What was her name? Kim? Anyway, who cares?

433. "She's stupid, and she's dead now."

434. For the first time ever, the Parks Department has real momentum.

435. And I'm gonna ruin it for everybody.

436. You've done more for this group of people than anyone else.

437. You're the only reason we all still have jobs.

438. I think we'll be okay. Yeah? Okay.

439. Well, I'd love to chit chat about this,

440. but I need to keep working. Okay?

441. And keep pushing so that my breakthrough will happen

442. and I will be ready for it.

443. You know what? I just had an idea for a new project.

444. Really? Yes.

445. Yes, I think this could be really good.

446. What is it?

447. Come with me. Right through here.

448. Wait. What's happening?

449. Ron! Ron, what are you doing?

450. This is my idea. You're gonna shut your brain down

451. and go to sleep, and I'm gonna stay out here

452. and guard the door so you can't leave.

453. No! Ron!

454. You've been thinking about work nonstop for years.

455. It's time to rest.

456. All my binders are downstairs!

457. Shhh!

458. All due respect, Ms. Clack,

459. stick a German muffin in it.

460. Fair enough. I'm just gonna go to bed. Just call it a night.

461. I already checked, Leslie. The transom is painted shut.

462. Damn it.

463. Oh, my God. There's like, 50 cats in here.

464. Where's Leslie?

465. Not 100% sure.

466. Should we reschedule, or...

467. Nope. She'll be here.

468. Good morning. So, I just slept seven hours,

469. which is twice as long as I usually sleep.

470. So, I'm a little disoriented.

471. But I did wake up with a million ideas.

472. And Ron would not let me have any paper,

473. so I had to write them down on this doily.

474. We should buy a telescope and make the old ranger station

475. in Ramsett Park an observatory.

476. That way, we could sell tickets and have class trips.

477. I like it. We'll take.. . Good.

478. We'll have theme night at the park.

479. We could have singles, date night,

480. seniors and we could have a city-wide yard sale,

481. which would be part auction, part Antiques Roadshow.

482. And then, we could have the professors from the community college

483. come in and assign value to the objects.

484. And then, we could split the profits with the school.

485. It would be a lot of fun. I'll see you boys later.

486. Bye, Ron.

487. They say you're only as good as your last idea.

488. I say you're only as good as the people you work with.

489. Leslie Knope is back.

490. Ha-ha!

491. Oh, my God. My breath is so bad.

492. Yeah, she died, like, 20 minutes after that.