1. - THANK YOU, OLD GUS,Copy !req
2. FOR BRIGHTENING OUR LIVES,
OUR HEARTSCopy !req
3. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY
OUR SHOES.Copy !req
4. - THIS TRULY IS A DAY
OF MIXED EMOTIONS FOR ME.Copy !req
5. I'M SAD THAT OLD GUS
IS LEAVING.Copy !req
6. BUT IT ALLOWS ME TO HELP ANDY
RESTART HIS LIFECopy !req
7. AS PIONEER HALL'S
NEW SHOESHINE GUY.Copy !req
8. - WELL, I'VE BEEN LISTENING
TO YOUR BORING SPEECHESCopy !req
9. FOR THE LAST 50 YEARS.Copy !req
10. AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR YOU
TO LISTEN TO ONE OF MINE.Copy !req
11. YOU KNOW A DAY LIKE THISCopy !req
12. MAKES A MAN REFLECT
UPON HIS LIFE.Copy !req
13. AND I'VE COME
TO THE CONCLUSIONCopy !req
14. THAT I'VE COMPLETELY
WASTED MINE.Copy !req
15. AND JUST FOR THE RECORD,Copy !req
16. I NEVER EVER LIKED BEING CALLED
OLD GUS.Copy !req
17. I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND IT
WHEN I WAS IN MY 20SCopy !req
18. AND I SURE HATE IT NOW.Copy !req
19. SO GO TO HELL,
EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU.Copy !req
20. SCREW PAWNEE AND SCREW
YOUR DAMN SHOES.Copy !req
21. AH!Copy !req
22. - OLD GUS IS CLASSIC.Copy !req
23. - SO I PROPOSE THAT WE
CHANGE OUR NAMECopy !req
24. FROM THE SUBCOMMITTEE
FOR PIT BEAUTIFICATIONCopy !req
25. TO THE SUBCOMMITTEE
FOR LOT BEAUTIFICATION.Copy !req
26. APRIL, STOP THAT.
WHO ARE YOU TEXTING?Copy !req
27. - YOU.Copy !req
28. - AWW.
SHE'S TEXTING ME.Copy !req
29. I'M SORRY YOU'RE BORED.Copy !req
30. - UH, HEY, EVERYONE.Copy !req
31. OH, HEY, ANN.Copy !req
32. UM, LESLIE, CAN I TALK
TO YOU FOR A MINUTE?Copy !req
33. - FINE. TOM YOU'RE IN CHARGE.Copy !req
34. KEEP THE MOMENTUM GOING.
KEEP THESE MINDS WORKING.Copy !req
35. - ABSOLUTELY, CHIEF.Copy !req
36. - OKAY, WOULD YOU RATHER
BE ABLE TO FLYCopy !req
37. OR SPEAK FLUENT FRENCH?Copy !req
38. DONNA, GO.
- FRENCH.Copy !req
39. - I DON'T WANNA FREAK YOU OUT,Copy !req
40. BUT ANOTHER DEPARTMENT
FILED A PLANNING CLAIMCopy !req
41. FOR LOT 48.Copy !req
42. - WHO?Copy !req
43. NO...Copy !req
44. - YEAH.
- DAMN IT!Copy !req
45. THE LIBRARY?Copy !req
46. PAWNEE'S LIBRARY DEPARTMENT
IS THE MOST DIABOLICAL,Copy !req
47. RUTHLESS BUNCH OF BUREAUCRATS
I'VE EVER SEEN.Copy !req
48. THEY'RE LIKE A BIKER GANG.Copy !req
49. BUT INSTEAD OF SHOTGUNS
AND CRYSTAL METHCopy !req
50. THEY USE POLITICAL SAVVY.Copy !req
51. AND SHUSHING.Copy !req
52. - IT'S GONNA BE OKAY.
IT'S NOT A DONE DEAL.Copy !req
53. - YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.Copy !req
54. THANKS FOR PULLING ME
OUT OF THERE.Copy !req
55. I NEED A GOOD PLAN, THOUGH.Copy !req
56. YOU KNOW, I DON'T
WANT TO CAUSE A PANIC.Copy !req
57. NEWS FLASH, WE'RE SCREWED.Copy !req
58. WE GOT A BIG PROBLEM
WITH THE LIBRARY.Copy !req
59. - PUNK ASS BOOK JOCKEYS.Copy !req
60. - WAIT, WHY DO WE HATE
THE LIBRARY?Copy !req
61. - THE LIBRARY IS THE WORST
GROUP OF PEOPLECopy !req
62. EVER ASSEMBLED IN HISTORY.Copy !req
63. THEY'RE MEAN,
CONNIVING, RUDECopy !req
64. AND EXTREMELY WELL READ,
WHICH MAKES THEM VERY DANGEROUS.Copy !req
65. AND THEY'RE TRYING TO STEAL
LOT 48 FOR A NEW BRANCH.Copy !req
66. WHAT?
- YEAH.Copy !req
67. - GET OUT OF HERE.
- YEAH.Copy !req
68. - ON 48?
- YEAH!Copy !req
69. - THAT'S RIDICULOUS.Copy !req
70. - I ACTUALLY THINK A LIBRARY
WOULD BE NICECopy !req
71. THAT CLOSE TO MY HOUSE.Copy !req
72. BUT I'M NOT ABOUT TO SAY THAT
IN THERE.Copy !req
73. - A NEW BRANCH?
- YES!Copy !req
74. - OH, I HATE THEM.Copy !req
75. - OKAY, WE NEED TO MAKE CONTACT
WITH SOMEONE THERE.Copy !req
76. DOES ANYBODY KNOW ANYBODY
THAT WORKS AT THE LIBRARY?Copy !req
77. - UH, WELL, WE ACTUALLY
KIND OF DO.Copy !req
78. THE NEW DEPUTY DIRECTOR
OF THE DEPARTMENTCopy !req
79. IS TAMMY SWANSON.Copy !req
80. - RON'S EX-WIFE?Copy !req
81. THAT'S TERRIFIC.
OR IS THAT AWFUL?Copy !req
82. I MEAN, HE HATES HER,
BUT HE KNOWS HER.Copy !req
83. EVERYTHING'S OKAY.
OR IS IT JUST THE SAME?Copy !req
84. - LESLIE, YOU'RE THINKING
OUT LOUD AGAIN.Copy !req
85. - AM I?
I AM.Copy !req
86. - OF COURSE, THAT BITCH
OF AN EX-WIFECopy !req
87. IS WORKING FOR
THE LIBRARY NOW.Copy !req
88. THAT IS PERFECT.Copy !req
89. THE WORST PERSON IN THE WORLDCopy !req
90. WORKING AT THE WORST PLACE
IN THE WORLD.Copy !req
91. - I HAVE TO GO TALK TO HER.Copy !req
92. AND YOU GOTTA GIVE ME
SOMETHING I CAN USE.Copy !req
93. DOES SHE HAVE ANY WEAKNESSES?Copy !req
94. - NO.Copy !req
95. - WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO?
EVERYBODY HAS A WEAKNESS.Copy !req
96. - NOT MACHINES.Copy !req
97. I HONESTLY BELIEVE
THAT SHE WAS PROGRAMMEDCopy !req
98. BY SOMEONE FROM THE FUTURECopy !req
99. TO COME BACK AND DESTROY
ALL HAPPINESS.Copy !req
100. - I SEE.Copy !req
101. JUST, I KNEW THAT YOU HAD
TWO EX-WIVES NAMED TAMMY.Copy !req
102. SO I WAS HOPING THAT
THERE WAS ONECopy !req
103. THAT YOU GOT ALONG WITH.Copy !req
104. - NO.
I HATE 'EM BOTH.Copy !req
105. ON MY DEATH BED,Copy !req
106. MY FINAL WISH IS TO HAVE
MY EX-WIVES RUSHED TO MY SIDECopy !req
107. SO I CAN USE MY DYING BREATHCopy !req
108. TO TELL THEM BOTH TO GO TO HELL
ONE LAST TIME.Copy !req
109. WOULD I GET MARRIED AGAIN?
OH, ABSOLUTELY.Copy !req
110. IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN LOVE,
WHAT'S THE POINT OF LIVING?Copy !req
111. - I'M JUST LOOKING FORWARD
TO A THOUGHTFUL DEBATECopy !req
112. WITH TAMMY ABOUT
THE RELATIVE MERITSCopy !req
113. OF PARKS VERSUS LIBRARIES.Copy !req
114. AND IN CASE SOMETHING BAD
GOES DOWN,Copy !req
115. I WORE MY SHARPEST RINGS.Copy !req
116. THIS ONE WILL TEAR YOU UP.Copy !req
117. HELLO.
HI.Copy !req
118. I'M LESLIE KNOPE.
I CALLED A LITTLE WHILE AGO.Copy !req
119. - YOU HAVE A LOT OF NERVE
SHOWING YOUR FACE HERE.Copy !req
120. - EXCUSE ME?Copy !req
121. - YOU HAVE OVERDUE BOOK FEES
TOTALING $3.00 MISSY.Copy !req
122. - THAT IS SO TYPICAL.Copy !req
123. I SHOULD'VE KNOWN YOU'D USE
A LOW-BLOW,Copy !req
124. DIRTY POOL, B.S. MOVE
LIKE THAT.Copy !req
125. THAT'S WHY EVERYBODY HATES
THE LIBRARY.Copy !req
126. HERE, YOU KNOW WHAT,
HERE'S YOUR $3.00.Copy !req
127. AND I'LL SEE YOU IN HELL.Copy !req
128. - LESLIE, LESLIE, LESLIE,
I WAS JUST KIDDING.Copy !req
129. MY GOSH.Copy !req
130. I MEAN, YOU DID HAVE $3.00
WORTH OF FINES,Copy !req
131. BUT I CLEARED THEM.Copy !req
132. WE GOVERNMENT GALSCopy !req
133. HAVE TO WATCH
EACH OTHER'S BACKS, RIGHT?Copy !req
134. - I KNOW THIS IS A TRAP.
BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW.Copy !req
135. - OKAY.
DID YOU TALK TO RON?Copy !req
136. UM, RON TENDS TO EXAGGERATE
WHEN IT COMES TO ME.Copy !req
137. I SWEAR I DON'T HAVE
CLOVEN FEET.Copy !req
138. PLEASE, SIT DOWN.Copy !req
139. - SHINE, SHINE,
SHINE YOUR SHOES?Copy !req
140. WHAT DO YOU SAY, SIR?
MA'AM, SHOESHINE?Copy !req
141. I WON'T LOOK UP YOUR SKIRT.Copy !req
142. - ANN, WHOA.
OH, MY GOSH—CRAZY!Copy !req
143. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
IT'S ME, IT'S ANDY.Copy !req
144. - HI, ANDY.
- SO, ANN, HOW YOU BEEN?Copy !req
145. - GOOD.Copy !req
146. YEAH, LESLIE TOLD ME
YOU WERE WORKING HERE NOW.Copy !req
147. - YEAH, JUST JOINING
THE RAT RACE.Copy !req
148. CHASING THE CHEESE.
RACING THE RATS.Copy !req
149. TRYING TO GET THE CHEESE.Copy !req
150. ENOUGH TECHNICAL BUSINESS TALK.Copy !req
151. YOU LOOK RAVISHING.Copy !req
152. - NOT A LOT OF CUSTOMERS,
HUH?Copy !req
153. - YEAH, BUSINESS
IS A LITTLE SLOW.Copy !req
154. IT IS DEFINITELY DUE TO
THE ECONOMY.Copy !req
155. UM, I'VE BEEN HEARING A LOT
OF PEOPLE SAY THAT A LOTCopy !req
156. ABOUT A LOT OF STUFF.Copy !req
157. WHOA, MARK!
YOU WANT THOSE SHOES SHINED?Copy !req
158. I'LL GIVE YOU A DISCOUNT BECAUSE
YOU'RE A FRIEND OF ANN'S.Copy !req
159. - WELL, I'M MORE THAN
A FRIEND OF ANN'S.Copy !req
160. - OH, NOT FOR LONG.Copy !req
161. - I'M SORRY?
- I DON'T KNOW.Copy !req
162. AT LEAST HE FINALLY HAS
A REAL JOB.Copy !req
163. WHEN WE WERE DATING
THE ONLY JOB HE HADCopy !req
164. WAS SENDING AUDITION TAPESCopy !req
165. TO SURVIVOR
AND DEAL OR NO DEAL.Copy !req
166. - HI, MY NAME IS ANDY DWYER,Copy !req
167. AND I WOULD BE A PERFECT
CONTESTANT FOR DEAL OR NO DEAL.Copy !req
168. - I WANT IT TO BE
A PERFECT PARK,Copy !req
169. WITH A STATE-OF-THE-ART
SWING SETCopy !req
170. AND BASKETBALL COURTS.Copy !req
171. AND OFF TO THE SIDE
A LOVELY SITTING AREACopy !req
172. FOR KIDS WITH ASTHMA TO WATCH
OTHER KIDS PLAY.Copy !req
173. WOW, IF I'D HAD A PARK
LIKE THATCopy !req
174. WHEN I WAS GROWING UPCopy !req
175. I PROBABLY WOULDN'T
HAVE GONE THROUGHCopy !req
176. SUCH A PROLONGED
MALL SLUT PHASE.Copy !req
177. - WELL, THAT'S—THAT'S
THE GOAL, TAMMY.Copy !req
178. - LISTEN, YOU GUYS
GOT THERE FIRST.Copy !req
179. I'M GONNA WITHDRAW MY REQUEST
FOR THE LOTCopy !req
180. AS A PROFESSIONAL COURTESY
TO YOU.Copy !req
181. GOVERNMENT GALS, RIGHT?Copy !req
182. - GOVERNMENT GALS.Copy !req
183. - SO YOU TALKED TO TAMMY.Copy !req
184. WHAT'S IT LIKE TO STARE
INTO THE EYECopy !req
185. OF SATAN'S BUTT HOLE?Copy !req
186. - SHE'S CHANGED, RON.Copy !req
187. SHE'S A DIFFERENT PERSON.Copy !req
188. I JUST—I THINK
IT WOULD BE HEALTHYCopy !req
189. FOR YOU TO GET A SENSE
OF CLOSURE.Copy !req
190. LOOK AT MARK AND ME.Copy !req
191. WE SLEPT TOGETHER.
WE TALKED ABOUT IT.Copy !req
192. WE'RE STILL FRIENDS.Copy !req
193. - YOU SLEPT WITH BRENDANAWICZ?Copy !req
194. - NO!Copy !req
195. - LOOK, TAMMY AND I
DON'T WORK.Copy !req
196. WE ARE OIL AND WATER.Copy !req
197. OR OIL AND TNT AND C-4
AND A DETONATORCopy !req
198. AND A BUTANE TORCH.Copy !req
199. NOTHING GOOD WILL COME...Copy !req
200. WAIT...Copy !req
201. SHE'S HERE, ISN'T SHE?Copy !req
202. - HI, RON.Copy !req
203. - TAMMY.Copy !req
204. - GOOD.
GOOD START.Copy !req
205. - I'M SORRY ABOUT THIS,Copy !req
206. BUT I JUST REALLY
WANT TO TALK TO YOU.Copy !req
207. COULDN'T WE GO HAVE
A CUP OF COFFEE?Copy !req
208. - LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH.Copy !req
209. - THANKS, RON.Copy !req
210. IT MEANS A LOT.Copy !req
211. YOU'RE A MIRACLE WORKER.Copy !req
212. - DO YOU KNOW
WHAT YOU JUST DID?Copy !req
213. - YES, DONNA.Copy !req
214. I GOT TWO PEOPLE TO PUT ASIDE
YEARS OF HOSTILITYCopy !req
215. AND OPEN A DOOR TO
THE POSSIBILITY OF FRIENDSHIP.Copy !req
216. - YOU WERE NOT HERE WHEN
RON AND TAMMY GOT DIVORCED.Copy !req
217. I WAS.
THOSE TWO ARE CRAZY.Copy !req
218. - YEAH, AND YOU
JUST OPENED THE GATES.Copy !req
219. TO CRAZY TOWN.Copy !req
220. - FRANKLY, I THINK RON
WAS ACTING LIKE A BABY.Copy !req
221. A LITTLE BIT.Copy !req
222. I MEAN, WHAT IS HE AFRAID OF?Copy !req
223. TAMMY'S JUST A WOMAN.
A NICE WOMAN.Copy !req
224. YOU KNOW,
SHE'S NOT A MURDERER.Copy !req
225. SHE'S NOT A DRAGON.Copy !req
226. - IT'S REALLY GOOD
TO SEE YOU, RON.Copy !req
227. - YOU'VE AGED HORRIBLY.Copy !req
228. - YOU SON OF A BITCH.Copy !req
229. - THAT DIDN'T TAKE LONG.
- OH, MY GOD!Copy !req
230. WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?Copy !req
231. NOTHING'S CHANGED, HAS IT?Copy !req
232. WHO SET THE BED ON FIRE?
- EXCUSE ME, FOLKS.Copy !req
233. - I DID, OKAY.
IS THAT WHAT YOU WANNA HEAR?Copy !req
234. - PLEASE.Copy !req
235. PLEASE.Copy !req
236. - WHEN YOU MEDDLE IN
SOMEONE'S PERSONAL LIFECopy !req
237. IT'S JUST SO REWARDING.Copy !req
238. - OH, GOD!
YEAH!Copy !req
239. OH GOD, YEAH!Copy !req
240. OH, GOD!Copy !req
241. OH, YES, BABY!
GUN IT!Copy !req
242. USUAL PLACE?Copy !req
243. GOOD MORNING, JERRY.Copy !req
244. THAT IS A BEAUTIFUL
SWEATER VEST.Copy !req
245. APRIL!Copy !req
246. YOU LOOK LIKE
YOU COULD USE $20.00.Copy !req
247. AM I RIGHT?
- WHY?Copy !req
248. - 'CAUSE YOU'RE A KID
AND KIDS ALWAYS NEED MONEY.Copy !req
249. - I NEED MONEY.
- HA!Copy !req
250. THAT'S WHY
YOU'RE MY FAVORITE, TOM.Copy !req
251. - WHEN TIGER WOODS
FEELS INVINCIBLECopy !req
252. HE WEARS A RED SHIRT
AND BLACK PANTS.Copy !req
253. - GOOD MORNING, DEPUTY.Copy !req
254. - RON WEARS THE SAME THING
AFTER HE'S HAD SEX.Copy !req
255. - I'M A SIMPLE MAN.Copy !req
256. I LIKE PRETTY,
DARK-HAIRED WOMENCopy !req
257. AND BREAKFAST FOOD.Copy !req
258. BUT THIS STOCK PHOTOCopy !req
259. I BOUGHT AT A FRAMING STORE
ISN'T REAL.Copy !req
260. TODAY I GOT THE REAL THING.Copy !req
261. A NAKED TAMMY MADE ME
BREAKFAST THIS MORNING.Copy !req
262. I SHOULD'VE TAKEN
A PICTURE OF IT.Copy !req
263. - HEY, TOM.Copy !req
264. - WHAT'S UP?Copy !req
265. - MY GIRLFRIEND'S EX IS WORKING
100 FEET AWAY FROM MY DESK.Copy !req
266. AND HE'S BEEN PRETTY CLEAR
ABOUT WANTING HER BACK.Copy !req
267. WHAT DO I DO WITH THAT?Copy !req
268. - HMM.
THAT'S A TOUGH ONE.Copy !req
269. - YOU SHOULD BREAK UP WITH HER
AND TELL HER TO GO OUT WITH ME.Copy !req
270. - THAT'S GOOD.
CAN I ASK YOU ANOTHER QUESTION?Copy !req
271. WHY DID I COME TO YOU
FOR ADVICE?Copy !req
272. - YEAH, OKAY.Copy !req
273. I THINK YOU SHOULD
PLAY THIS ONE COOL, MAN.Copy !req
274. BE THE GROWN-UP.
TAKE THE HIGH ROAD.Copy !req
275. - YEAH.
- ANN'S A CLASSY CHICK.Copy !req
276. IF YOU GET DOWN IN THE MUD,Copy !req
277. YOU'RE JUST GONNA LOSE
HER RESPECT.Copy !req
278. - UH...Copy !req
279. YOU'VE JUST MADE A SURPRISING
AMOUNT OF SENSE, TOM.Copy !req
280. THANK YOU.Copy !req
281. - I'VE NEVER TAKEN
THE HIGH ROAD.Copy !req
282. BUT I TELL OTHER PEOPLE TO.Copy !req
283. 'CAUSE THEN THERE'S MORE ROOM
FOR ME ON THE LOW ROAD.Copy !req
284. - SO HOW DID YOUR COFFEE
WITH TAMMY GO?Copy !req
285. - LESLIE, I CAN'T
THANK YOU ENOUGHCopy !req
286. FOR STICKING YOUR NOSE
WHERE IT DIDN'T BELONG.Copy !req
287. - I KNEW IT.Copy !req
288. SO WHAT DID YOU GUYS
TALK ABOUT?Copy !req
289. OLD TIMES?
I LOVE TALKING ABOUT OLD TIMES.Copy !req
290. NEW TIMES ARE GREAT TOO.Copy !req
291. BUT THERE'S JUST SOMETHING
ABOUT OLD TIMES.Copy !req
292. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
- WE DIDN'T TALK.Copy !req
293. WE MADE LOVE.Copy !req
294. - OH, MY, MMM...Copy !req
295. GOOD.
OH, WELL, SPARE ME THE DETAILS.Copy !req
296. I'M JUST HAPPY—
- IT WAS SO INTENSE.Copy !req
297. I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE MY FLESH
STOPPED AND HERS BEGAN.Copy !req
298. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?Copy !req
299. - YEAH.Copy !req
300. - OUR MARRIAGE WAS ALWAYS
A COMPLETE DISASTER,Copy !req
301. BUT WE DID HAVE THAT,
THE TWO OF US.Copy !req
302. IT'S LIKE DOING PEYOTECopy !req
303. AND SNEEZING SLOWLY
FOR SIX HOURS.Copy !req
304. - THIS SEEMS
LIKE A PRIVATE MATTER.Copy !req
305. BUT I'M JUST SO—Copy !req
306. - THAT WOMAN REALLY KNOWS
HER WAY AROUND A PENIS.Copy !req
307. - OKAY.Copy !req
308. WELL, I'M HAPPY
THAT IT WENT WELLCopy !req
309. AND THAT YOU ENJOYED
YOUR COFFEE.Copy !req
310. I TRULY BELIEVE THAT EVERYONECopy !req
311. SHOULD BE FRIENDS
WITH THEIR EXES.Copy !req
312. I CAN'T EVEN TELL YOU HOW MANY
OF MY EXES' WEDDINGSCopy !req
313. I'VE BEEN TO.Copy !req
314. - THEY'RE READING
THEIR OLD DIVORCE PAPERS.Copy !req
315. - THREE FISTFULS OF HAIR?Copy !req
316. THAT'S NOT EVEN POSSIBLE.Copy !req
317. - WELL, I'M TOO CLASSY
TO SAY I TOLD YOU SO, DONNA.Copy !req
318. SO I WROTE IT
ON A POST IT.Copy !req
319. - LESLIE.Copy !req
320. WHY DON'T YOU TAKE
THE REST OF THE DAY OFF.Copy !req
321. I MEAN YOU SPEND SO MUCH TIME
WORRYING ABOUT THIS PARK.Copy !req
322. BUT REALLY, WHO CARES?Copy !req
323. - I CARE.
I CARE A LOT.Copy !req
324. IT'S KINDA MY THING.
REMEMBER?Copy !req
325. - BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY
WHAT DOES IT MATTERCopy !req
326. IF THE LOT BECOMES A PARK
OR A MUSEUMCopy !req
327. OR A MEGA CHURCH?Copy !req
328. OR A LIBRARY.Copy !req
329. - NOBODY SAID LIBRARY.Copy !req
330. - RON, YOU'VE BEEN TALKING
TO TAMMY ABOUT THE LOT?Copy !req
331. - NO.Copy !req
332. I SWEAR ON A GRAVE.Copy !req
333. - OH, MY GOD!
RON!Copy !req
334. TELL ME THE TRUTH.Copy !req
335. ARE YOU GIVING HER THE LOT?Copy !req
336. - NOT GIVING.Copy !req
337. WE HAVE DISCUSSED A TRADE.Copy !req
338. - FOR WHAT?Copy !req
339. - EXCUSE ME.Copy !req
340. - MORE SEX.Copy !req
341. - OH, GOD!Copy !req
342. TAMMY, CAN I SPEAK WITH YOU
FOR A SECOND?Copy !req
343. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING.Copy !req
344. YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT RON.Copy !req
345. YOU'RE JUST USING HIM TO GET
LOT 48 FOR YOUR LIBRARY.Copy !req
346. - LESLIE, THAT'S CRAZY.
AND CORRECT.Copy !req
347. - WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?Copy !req
348. - LES, THERE ARE TWO KINDS
OF WOMEN IN THIS WORLD.Copy !req
349. THERE ARE WOMEN
WHO WORK HARDCopy !req
350. AND STRESS OUT ABOUT DOING
THE RIGHT THINGCopy !req
351. AND THEN THERE ARE WOMEN
WHO ARE COOL.Copy !req
352. YOU COULD EITHER BE
A CLEOPATRACopy !req
353. OR YOU COULD BE AN
ELEANOR ROOSEVELT.Copy !req
354. I'D RATHER BE CLEOPATRA.Copy !req
355. - WHAT KIND OF LUNATIC WOULD
WANNA BE CLEOPATRACopy !req
356. OVER ELEANOR ROOSEVELT?Copy !req
357. - HAVEN'T YOU EVER MESSED
WITH A MAN'S HEADCopy !req
358. JUST TO SEE WHAT YOU COULD
GET HIM TO DO FOR YOU?Copy !req
359. WE DO IT ALL THE TIME
IN THE LIBRARY DEPARTMENT.Copy !req
360. YOU SHOULD COME
JOIN US SOMETIME.Copy !req
361. - I WOULD NEVER WORK
AT THE LIBRARY DEPARTMENT.Copy !req
362. I'M GONNA TELL RON
WHAT YOU JUST SAID.Copy !req
363. AND THIS LITTLE GAME THAT
YOU'RE PLAYINGCopy !req
364. IS GONNA BE OVER.Copy !req
365. - OKIE DOKE.Copy !req
366. - YEAH, YOU BETTER RUN.Copy !req
367. WE'RE NO LONGER
GOVERNMENT GALS.Copy !req
368. LOOK, WE NEED TO TALK.Copy !req
369. RON, NO.Copy !req
370. THE PLANNING DEPARTMENT
REPRIORITIZATION DOCUMENT?Copy !req
371. - CALM DOWN.
I HAVEN'T SIGNED IT YET.Copy !req
372. - YEAH, WELL, YOU'RE GOING TO.Copy !req
373. BECAUSE TAMMY WANTS YOU TOCopy !req
374. AND YOU DO EVERYTHING
THAT SHE WANTS.Copy !req
375. - SHE MADE SOME REALLY GOOD
POINTS ABOUT LIBRARIES.Copy !req
376. - ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING
TO YOURSELF?Copy !req
377. YOU'RE DEFENDING
THE LIBRARY NOW?Copy !req
378. RON, THE LIBRARY.Copy !req
379. OF ALL THE HORRIFYING,
MISERABLE THINGS IN THE WORLD.Copy !req
380. - SOME PEOPLE LIKE LIBRARIES.Copy !req
381. - I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE
WHAT I'M HEARING.Copy !req
382. SOME PEOPLE LIKE LIBRARIES.Copy !req
383. RON, SHE'S IN YOUR HEAD.Copy !req
384. YOU SAID THAT SHE WAS
A MANIPULATIVE MONSTERCopy !req
385. AND YOU WERE RIGHT.Copy !req
386. - NO, NO.
TAMMY'S CHANGED.Copy !req
387. - LOOK ME IN THE EYE
AND TELL ME THAT SHE'S CHANGED.Copy !req
388. LOOK ME IN THE EYE.Copy !req
389. - I'M SO SCREWED NOW.Copy !req
390. HER HOOKS ARE IN MY BRAIN.
- YEP.Copy !req
391. SHE HAS ALL THE POWER
AND I HAVE NOTHING.Copy !req
392. I'M SO LITTLE.Copy !req
393. - WHY DON'T YOU JUST BREAK UP
WITH HER?Copy !req
394. - I DON'T THINK I CAN.Copy !req
395. WE WOULD JUST END UP NAKED.Copy !req
396. AND I'D GIVE HER YOUR LOT
AND MY HOUSECopy !req
397. AND GOD KNOWS WHAT ELSE.Copy !req
398. I HAVE NO CONTROL
OVER MY ACTIONS.Copy !req
399. IT'S LIKE SHE'S CRAWLED UP
INSIDE ME—Copy !req
400. - OH, GOD, RON.Copy !req
401. I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT
YOUR DISGUSTING SEX ANYMORE.Copy !req
402. OKAY, NOW SACK UP.Copy !req
403. YOU ARE RON FREAKIN' SWANSON!Copy !req
404. - NOT AROUND HER I'M NOT.Copy !req
405. IT TOOK YEARS OF INTENSE,
FOCUSED HATREDCopy !req
406. TO GET OVER HER.Copy !req
407. AND NOW I'VE UNDONE
ALL THAT GREAT WORK.Copy !req
408. YOU'VE GOTTA HELP ME
BREAK UP WITH HER.Copy !req
409. - I DON'T THINK I SHOULD
GET INVOLVED IN THIS.Copy !req
410. - OH, NOW YOU DON'T WANT TO
GET INVOLVED?Copy !req
411. "IT'S JUST COFFEE, RON."Copy !req
412. "SHE'S CHANGED, RON."Copy !req
413. "I LET MARK NAIL ME
AND WE'RE STILL FRIENDS."Copy !req
414. - OKAY, I NEVER—I WOULD NEVER
USE THOSE WORDS.Copy !req
415. I NEVER SAID—POINT TAKEN.Copy !req
416. LET'S GO DUMP YOUR EX.Copy !req
417. - THANK YOU.Copy !req
418. - SO WOULD YOU LIKE
TO BE IN THE ROOMCopy !req
419. WHEN I TELL HER IT'S OVERCopy !req
420. OR WOULD YOU RATHER
WAIT OUTSIDE?Copy !req
421. - IN THE ROOM.Copy !req
422. I DON'T WANT HER TO THINK
I'M A WIMP.Copy !req
423. - HERE ARE THE GROUND RULES.
DON'T TALK TO HER.Copy !req
424. DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT
WITH HER.Copy !req
425. DON'T BELIEVE ANYTHING
SHE SAYS.Copy !req
426. JUST SIT THERE
LIKE A POTTED PLANT.Copy !req
427. CAN YOU DO THAT?Copy !req
428. COME ON.Copy !req
429. - DO YOU HAVE ANY TOM—
- MARK!Copy !req
430. - HEY.
- HEY! DONNA.Copy !req
431. - SO HOW'S
THE SHOESHINE GAME?Copy !req
432. - I'M ON A BREAK.Copy !req
433. ONE OF THE MANY ADVANTAGES
OF OWNING YOUR OWN BUSINESS.Copy !req
434. - YOU KNOW THAT'S NOT
YOUR SITUATION, RIGHT?Copy !req
435. - YEAH.
LISTEN, DONNA.Copy !req
436. - YES.
- QUICK QUESTION.Copy !req
437. ANN IS TRYING TO DECIDE
BETWEEN MARK AND MYSELF.Copy !req
438. - NO, SHE'S NOT, ACTUALLY.Copy !req
439. - IF YOU HAD TO CHOOSE,
WHO WOULD YOU CHOOSE?Copy !req
440. RIGHT NOW, ON THE SPOT.
- I'M NOT SURE.Copy !req
441. WHY DON'T YOU SPIN AROUND
FOR ME.Copy !req
442. - YOU KNOW WHAT?
CAN WE TALK PRIVATELY?Copy !req
443. - SURE.
- JUST OUT HERE.Copy !req
444. - MMM, ANDY.Copy !req
445. - SO, TAMMY, FOR THAT
AND MANY OTHER REASONSCopy !req
446. RON HAS DECIDED TO END
THIS RELATIONSHIP.Copy !req
447. - WAIT A MINUTE.Copy !req
448. RON BROUGHT YOU HERECopy !req
449. TO BREAK UP WITH ME
FOR HIM?Copy !req
450. - SHE VOLUNTEERED.Copy !req
451. - LESLIE,Copy !req
452. RON DOESN'T WANT TO BREAK UP
WITH ME.Copy !req
453. WHAT RON WANTS TO DO
IS LEAVE HERE RIGHT NOW.Copy !req
454. GO TO THE SLEAZIEST MOTEL
IN TOWNCopy !req
455. AND WRAP HIMSELF AROUND ME
LIKE A COILED SNAKE.Copy !req
456. - NO, HE DOESN'T.Copy !req
457. - I'M PRETTY SURE HE DOES.Copy !req
458. - SEE? HE'S COMPLETELY
OVER YOU.Copy !req
459. - LOOK, I UNDERSTAND THAT
THIS ANN SITUATIONCopy !req
460. IS AWKWARD.Copy !req
461. BUT I LIKE YOU A LOT
AS A DUDE.Copy !req
462. AND I JUST HOPE THAT THERE IS
SOME WAY THAT WE CAN BOTH BECopy !req
463. MATURE AND MAYBE BE FRIENDS.Copy !req
464. - YEAH, I DOUBT IT.Copy !req
465. I MEAN, I THINK
YOU'RE A COOL DUDE TOO.Copy !req
466. I LIKE YOU AS WELL.Copy !req
467. BUT I'M STILL
IN LOVE WITH ANN.Copy !req
468. I COULDN'T HAVE BEEN MORE
UPFRONT ABOUT THAT.Copy !req
469. - IS PUNCHING ALLOWED
ON THE HIGH ROAD?Copy !req
470. - I'M SORRY, LESLIE.Copy !req
471. SHE WINS.
I CAN'T RESIST HER.Copy !req
472. - BUT, RON,
YOU HAVE TO.Copy !req
473. - STAY OUT OF THIS.
THIS IS OUR RELATIONSHIP.Copy !req
474. HE'S MY MANCopy !req
475. AND WE HAVE SOMETHING TWISTED
AND BEAUTIFUL.Copy !req
476. OH...Copy !req
477. YOU WANT RON.Copy !req
478. THAT'S WHAT THIS
IS ALL ABOUT.Copy !req
479. - NO, THAT'S INSANE.Copy !req
480. FINE, I HAD ONE DREAM,
BUT NO, NO.Copy !req
481. - BABY, DON'T YOU SEE
WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE?Copy !req
482. SHE'S MANIPULATING YOU
BECAUSE SHE'S JEALOUS OF MECopy !req
483. AND THE THINGS I GET TO DO
TO YOUR BODY AND FACE.Copy !req
484. - I'M HERE BECAUSE
RON IS MY FRIEND.Copy !req
485. AND I DON'T LIKE SEEING
MY FRIENDS MISERABLE.Copy !req
486. AND YOU, TAMMY,
YOU MAKE HIM MISERABLE.Copy !req
487. SO, RON, YOU CAN GIVE HER
THE LOT OR DON'T.Copy !req
488. WHATEVER.Copy !req
489. JUST PLEASE, FIND A WAY
TO BE HAPPY.Copy !req
490. - NO, WAIT.Copy !req
491. - RON, IT'S OKAY.
JUST SIGN THE THING.Copy !req
492. - NO, LESLIE.
IT'S NOT OKAY.Copy !req
493. YOU JUST PUT MY NEEDS
IN FRONT OF YOUR OWN.Copy !req
494. NO WOMAN HAS EVER DONE THAT
FOR ME BEFORE.Copy !req
495. - I'M SURE THAT'S NOT TRUE.Copy !req
496. - YOU SEE THE KIND OF WOMEN
THAT I CHOOSE, RIGHT?Copy !req
497. LOOK, JUST WAIT FOR ME
DOWNSTAIRS.Copy !req
498. IF I'M NOT DOWN
IN FIVE MINUTES,Copy !req
499. IT'S ONLY BECAUSE I'M RECEIVING
A PLEASURE SO INTENSE—Copy !req
500. - OH, MY GOD!Copy !req
501. - WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOING?Copy !req
502. ANDY AND ANN'S
FAMILY SHOESHINE?Copy !req
503. - I THOUGHT IT HAD
A NICE RING TO IT.Copy !req
504. - OH, MY GOD.Copy !req
505. LOOK, MARK HAS BEEN REALLY COOL
ABOUT ALL THIS.Copy !req
506. AND YOU'RE THROWING IT
IN HIS FACE.Copy !req
507. - BUT I STILL HAVE
FEELINGS FOR YOU.Copy !req
508. OKAY.
I SAID IT.Copy !req
509. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?Copy !req
510. NOT MENTION THOSE FEELINGS
TO YOUR BOYFRIEND?Copy !req
511. - YES!
- YES.Copy !req
512. AND YOU MIGHT WANNA TAKE
THESE PICTURES DOWN.Copy !req
513. - OH, MY GOD.
TAKE THOSE PICTURES DOWN.Copy !req
514. - WHAT?
IT'S FINE.Copy !req
515. WHAT DID I—
- ALL OF IT!Copy !req
516. - I'M GONNA.
- NOW!Copy !req
517. OH, MY GOD.Copy !req
518. GIVE ME THE BIKINI ONE.Copy !req
519. - THE TEENY ONE?
- BIKINI ONE.Copy !req
520. - YOU DIDN'T
GIVE HER THE LOT.Copy !req
521. - LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.Copy !req
522. - IS PART OF YOUR MUSTACHE
MISSING?Copy !req
523. - YES.
JUST KEEP WALKING.Copy !req
524. - THERE'S A PUSH PIN
IN YOUR FACE.Copy !req
525. - LEAVE IT IN.Copy !req
526. CAN'T YOU WALK FASTER?Copy !req
527. - MY LEGS ARE SHORTER
THAN YOURS.Copy !req
528. - WE HAD A GOOD RUN.Copy !req
529. - THANK YOU FOR SAVING
MY FUTURE PARK.Copy !req
530. I KNOW THAT MUST HAVE BEEN
HARD FOR YOU.Copy !req
531. YOU DIDN'T KILL TAMMY,
DID YOU?Copy !req
532. - I'M AFRAID
SHE CAN'T BE KILLED.Copy !req
533. TO EXES.Copy !req
534. MAY THEY ALWAYS STAY
THAT WAY.Copy !req
535. TAMMY IS A MEAN PERSON.Copy !req
536. - COME ON, RON.
YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT.Copy !req
537. - SHE'S A GRADE-A BITCH.Copy !req
538. - THERE WE GO.Copy !req
539. - EVERY TIME SHE LAUGHS
AN ANGEL DIES.Copy !req
540. EVEN TELEMARKETERS
AVOID HER.Copy !req
541. HER BIRTH WAS PAYBACK
FOR THE SINS OF MAN.Copy !req
542. BUT YOU KNOW
THE WORST THING ABOUT HER?Copy !req
543. - SHE WORKS FOR THE LIBRARY.Copy !req
544. - SHE WORKS FOR THE LIBRARY.Copy !req