Parks and Recreation 2x3

Directed by Jason Woliner

Jim O'Heir as Jerry Gergich • Retta as Donna Meagle • Anne Elizabeth Gregory as Susan • Frank Medrano as Ray • Worth Howe as Charles • Amy E. as Irish Dance Contestant

Leslie gets to judge a beauty contest, but ends up having conflicting opinions on "the ideal woman" with the other judges. While on a date with Mark, Ann learns Andy has been living in the pit.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. - GOOD MORNING, EVERYONE. COUPLE ANNOUNCEMENTS.

2. AS WE ALL KNOW, RON IS RECOVERING

3. FROM HIS HERNIA SURGERY,

4. SO I GOT HIM FLOWERS FROM ALL OF US.

5. SO EVERYBODY NEEDS TO PITCH IN, LIKE, $90.

6. - $90?

7. BECAUSE I ORDERED A BEAUTIFUL BOUQUET OF DAFFODILS

8. FROM A WEBSITE

9. AFTER A FEW GLASSES OF WINE.

10. SO, TOM, I THINK YOU MIGHT BE GETTING SOME DAFFODILS TOO.

11. DONNA, YOU'RE DEFINITELY GETTING SOME.

12. JERRY, I DON'T KNOW.

13. I'M NOT SURE.

14. TIME WILL TELL.

15. ALSO, I'M LEAVING EARLY TONIGHT BECAUSE I AM A JUDGE

16. IN THE MISS PAWNEE BEAUTY PAGEANT.

17. - WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, YOU GET TO BE A JUDGE IN THAT THING?

18. - YES, AND IT'S A RESPONSIBILITY

19. I TAKE VERY SERIOUSLY.

20. - BUT I WANT TO BE A JUDGE.

21. - I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU LIKE BEAUTY PAGEANTS.

22. - APRIL, WHOEVER MISS PAWNEE IS,

23. IS GONNA BE THE REPRESENTATIVE OF WOMANHOOD

24. IN OUR TOWN.

25. AND AS A JUDGE, LET ME ASSURE YOU

26. THAT THIS YEAR'S MISS PAWNEE WILL BE CHOSEN

27. FOR HER TALENT AND POISE.

28. - WHOA, THE GIRLS FROM TALENT AND POISE ARE GONNA BE THERE?

29. - WHAT?

30. - TALENT AND POISE.

31. IT'S A STRIP CLUB BY THE V.A. HOSPITAL.

32. I HAVE SOME MEETINGS THERE.

33. - UH, THAT'S DISGUSTING.

34. - NO, WHAT'S DISGUSTING IS THE GLITTER FACTORY.

35. DO NOT GO TO THE GLITTER FACTORY.

36. - HEY!

37. - HEY.

38. - SO I WAS JUST AT THE GRIND,

39. AND I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT WANT AN ICED MOCHA

40. WITH EXTRA, EXTRA WHIPPED CREAM.

41. - OH, MY. THANK YOU SO MUCH, APRIL.

42. WOW. - YOU'RE WELCOME.

43. OH, BY THE WAY,

44. COMPLETELY UNRELATED,

45. I JUST SIGNED UP FOR THE MISS PAWNEE BEAUTY PAGEANT.

46. - THAT'S WONDERFUL.

47. YOU KNOW, THAT IS WHY I DECIDED

48. TO BECOME A JUDGE.

49. SO THAT AWESOME GIRLS LIKE YOU,

50. WHO ARE NOT, YOU KNOW, CLASSICALLY HOT,

51. CAN BE REWARDED FOR THEIR INTELLIGENCE AND SAVVY.

52. - BEAUTY PAGEANTS ARE IDIOTIC,

53. BUT I FOUND THAT THE WINNER OF THE MISS PAWNEE PAGEANT

54. GETS $600.

55. I CAN BE IDIOTIC FOR $600.

56. SO ARE YOU GONNA VOTE FOR ME, SISTER?

57. - APRIL, IT'S UNETHICAL FOR ME TO SHOW YOU FAVORITISM.

58. YOU AND I ARE LIKE FAMILY.

59. - THE COFFEE'S $7.

60. - YES, RIGHT, OF COURSE.

61. - JUST BUMP THAT CLOWN.

62. TELL HIM THEY ALREADY HAVE ANOTHER ASIAN JUDGE.

63. AWESOME.

64. THANK YOU SO MUCH. I OWE YOU.

65. A'IGHT, PEACE.

66. GUESS WHO'S ALSO GONNA BE A JUDGE IN THE BEAUTY PAGEANT.

67. - WHAT? HOW?

68. - I KNOW A GUY.

69. I HAD TO CALL IN A FEW FAVORS.

70. BUT IF YOU DON'T CALL IN FAVORS TO LOOK AT WOMEN IN BIKINIS

71. AND ASSIGN THEM NUMERICAL GRADES,

72. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU CALL IN FAVORS FOR?

73. - HEY.

74. - HEY. - HEY.

75. - HEY. - WHAT YOU DOING IN THESE PARTS?

76. - OH, I JUST—I CAME BY TO SEE THE MURALS.

77. - OH. - THIS ONE'S PRETTY AMAZING.

78. - YEAH, THIS ONE'S A BEAUTY.

79. YOU KNOW, IN THE 1880s, THERE WERE A FEW YEARS

80. THAT WERE PRETTY ROUGH AND TUMBLE IN PAWNEE.

81. THIS DEPICTS KIND OF A FAMOUS FIGHT

82. BETWEEN REVEREND BRADLEY AND ANNA BETH STEVENSON,

83. A WIDOWED MOTHER OF SEVEN.

84. THE ORIGINAL TITLE OF THIS WAS "A LIVELY FISTING."

85. BUT, YOU KNOW, THEY HAD TO CHANGE IT.

86. FOR OBVIOUS REASONS.

87. - SHE'S GOT HIM BY THE HAIR PRETTY GOOD THERE.

88. - YEAH.

89. - LESLIE'S REALLY COOL.

90. AND SHE'S SMART.

91. IT'S A LITTLE INTIMIDATING.

92. TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,

93. I DIDN'T COME HERE TO LOOK AT THE MURALS.

94. I CAME TO ASK HER ON A DATE.

95. HEY, LESLIE...

96. I REALLY— I REALLY LIKE YOU.

97. AND I WAS WONDERING

98. IF YOU MAYBE WANT TO GET A CUP OF COFFEE SOME TIME.

99. - OKAY. YEAH, SURE.

100. - YEAH? - YEAH, ABSOLUTELY.

101. LET ME CHECK MY SCHEDULE.

102. - OKAY.

103. LET'S SEE...

104. - AH, IS THAT YOUR— IS THAT YOUR GRANDMA?

105. YEAH.

106. IT'S MADELEINE ALBRIGHT.

107. - THAT'S HER NAME?

108. I USUALLY JUST CALL MINE NANA.

109. - NO, THAT'S MADELEINE ALBRIGHT.

110. FIRST FEMALE SECRETARY OF STATE.

111. - OKAY, SO NOT— THAT'S NOT YOUR GRANDMA THEN.

112. ALL RIGHT. I GOT IT.

113. HOW'S THAT SCHEDULE LOOKING?

114. - GOOD. A COUPLE DAYS ARE FREE.

115. MAYBE WE COULD JUST, YOU KNOW...

116. - LOCK IT IN LATER?

117. - YEAH. - TALK LATER ABOUT IT?

118. - YEAH, THAT'S A GOOD IDEA. - OKAY.

119. LADIES.

120. - WANT TO HEAR SOMETHING AWFUL?

121. HE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHO MADELEINE ALBRIGHT WAS.

122. - WHO?

123. - NOT YOU TOO.

124. MADELEINE ALBRIGHT, FIRST FEMALE SECRETARY OF STATE.

125. - N-NO, WHO DIDN'T KNOW?

126. - OH, DAVE. THAT COP THAT I MET.

127. I DON'T KNOW.

128. I JUST DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DATE SOMEONE

129. WHO DOESN'T SHARE MY INTERESTS.

130. I MEAN, COULD YOU DATE

131. SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T

132. LOVE GIVING VACCINATIONS?

133. - I'VE NEVER DATED ANYONE WHO LOVES GIVING VACCINATIONS.

134. - HEY. - HEY.

135. WEIRD QUESTION FOR YOU.

136. ARE YOU HANDY? LIKE, CAN YOU FIX THINGS?

137. - WHAT'S BROKEN?

138. - MY SHOWER.

139. IT'S LEAKY, LOW PRESSURE,

140. JUST ALL AROUND TERRIBLE.

141. - UH, EASY.

142. YOU WANT ME TO COME OVER AFTER WORK?

143. - YES!

144. YES, AMAZING.

145. I WILL COOK YOU A CHEAP, QUICK DINNER

146. THAT WILL BE NO TROUBLE AT ALL FOR ME.

147. - GREAT.

148. WELL, I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT

149. FOR THE WEIRDEST SECOND DATE EVER.

150. - OKAY.

151. - HELLO, FELLOW JUDGES.

152. I'M JUDGE LESLIE KNOPE,

153. AND THIS IS MY COLLEAGUE, TOM HAVERFORD,

154. WHO'S ALSO GONNA BE A JUDGE.

155. - HI, JESSICA WICKS, MISS PAWNEE 1994.

156. - I RECOGNIZED YOU RIGHT AWAY.

157. AND MAY I SAY THAT YOU LOOK EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL NOW

158. THAN YOU DID WHEN YOU WON THE CROWN.

159. - OOH, I LIKE YOU.

160. - RAY HOLSTEAD, RAY'S SANDWICH PLACE.

161. - YES, OF COURSE, RAY. HOW DO YOU DO?

162. - I'M CHARLES WOLINER.

163. I'VE JUDGED EVERY MISS PAWNEE PAGEANT

164. FOR THE LAST 30 YEARS. - WOW.

165. - I MADE JESSICA.

166. - HMM, WELL, TOM AND I ARE VERY HAPPY TO BE HERE.

167. AND I'M SURE, BETWEEN THE FIVE OF US,

168. WE WILL CHOOSE THE MOST WELL-ROUNDED,

169. INTELLIGENT, MODERN,

170. AND FORWARD-THINKING WOMAN TO REPRESENT OUR FINE TOWN.

171. RIGHT, TOM?

172. - YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME? WATCH.

173. 34C, 36B, 34B, 34D.

174. 32A? HOW'D YOU GET IN HERE?

175. I'M JUST KIDDING.

176. YOU'RE PERFECT, EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU.

177. GOD BLESS.

178. - HERE THEY ARE, YOUR CANDIDATES

179. FOR MISS PAWNEE.

180. LET'S MEET THE GIRLS, SHALL WE?

181. FIRST UP, PLEASE WELCOME APRIL LUDGATE.

182. - HELLO, I'M APRIL LUDGATE.

183. I'M 20 YEARS OLD,

184. I LIKE PEOPLE,

185. PLACES,

186. AND THINGS.

187. AND PAWNEE IS MY FAVORITE PLACE IN THE WORLD.

188. - NEXT UP, PLEASE WELCOME SUSAN GLEEVER.

189. - HI, EVERYONE, I'M SUSAN.

190. I'M A HISTORY MAJOR AT INDIANA STATE,

191. I PLAY CLASSICAL PIANO,

192. AND I VOLUNTEER AT THE CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL.

193. - THANK YOU, SUSAN.

194. - SHE'S GOOD.

195. - NEXT, TRISH IANETTA.

196. - HI, Y'ALL.

197. I'M TRISH.

198. UM, I'M 22 YEARS OLD.

199. I'VE BEEN ON YOUTUBE.

200. I JUST LOVE TO HANG OUT WITH MY FRIENDS.

201. I LOVE TO LAUGH.

202. I LOVE THE SUMMERTIME

203. AND GOING TO THE BEACH,

204. AND I LOVE WEARING BIKINIS AT THE BEACH

205. WITH EVERYONE THERE...

206. - WELL, YOU KNOW, THEY CAN'T ALL BE WINNERS.

207. - ARE Y'ALL HAVING A GOOD TIME?

208. - LOOKS LIKE WE GOT A FRONTRUNNER, GUYS.

209. - AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR OUR EVER-POPULAR TALENT COMPETITION

210. WHERE OUR LADIES WILL EACH DEMONSTRATE

211. THEIR EXCELLENT SKILLS.

212. - HERE WE HAVE LESLIE'S CUSTOM SCORE CARD

213. WITH CATEGORIES SUCH AS PRESENTATION, INTELLIGENCE,

214. KNOWLEDGE OF "HERSTORY," FRUITFUL GESTURES,

215. JE NE SAIS QUOI,

216. AND SOMETHING CALLED THE NAOMI WOLF FACTOR.

217. - AND OUR FIRST ONE UP IS TRISH IANETTA,

218. WHOSE TALENT IS BATON.

219. - MY GIRL TRISH IS TALENTED.

220. - SHE'S NOT EVEN TWIRLING THE BATON.

221. - I'M GOING TO DO IMPRESSIONS.

222. - OH, CELEBRITY IMPRESSIONS.

223. THAT'S—THAT'S WILD. WILD STUFF.

224. - YUP.

225. UM, THIS IS AN IMPRESSION OF MY SISTER.

226. - HI, I'M NATALIE.

227. I LOVE RITALIN AND HAVE LOW SELF-ESTEEM.

228. - THANK YOU.

229. THIS IS AN IMPRESSION

230. OF MY BOSS, LESLIE KNOPE.

231. WOMEN SHOULD DO EVERYTHING.

232. CHECK OUT MY FOUR-COLOR PEN.

233. HEY, EVERYBODY, LISTEN UP WHILE I TALK

234. ABOUT SOME REALLY, REALLY, REALLY IMPORTANT STUFF.

235. PARKS, PARKS, PARKS, PARKS,

236. PARKS, PARKS, MICHELLE OBAMA, PARKS.

237. GAY PENGUINS, PARKS, SUGAR, PARKS.

238. - SHE GOT ME.

239. SHE GOT ME GOOD.

240. - I'M TEXTING TRISH TO TELL HER HOW GOOD SHE DID EARLIER.

241. - SHH.

242. - NO, SUSAN ISN'T A PERFECT 10.

243. BUT, IN MY MIND, SUSAN IS THE PERFECT MISS PAWNEE.

244. HER VALUES ARE STRONG.

245. HER COMMITMENT TO HER JOB IS VERY ADMIRABLE.

246. SHE HAS A REAL SENSE OF...

247. HEY. HEY.

248. OVER HERE.

249. - HOW'S IT GOING IN HERE? - GOOD.

250. UM, I HOOKED YOUR TOILET UP TO YOUR SHOWER.

251. THAT'S WHAT YOU WANTED, RIGHT?

252. - YES. - EXCELLENT.

253. - IS THAT ANDY?

254. ANDY?

255. I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE

256. BECAUSE I CAN SEE YOU THROUGH THE SCREEN.

257. - ANN.

258. HEY, WHAT'S UP?

259. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

260. - DO YOU LIVE DOWN HERE?

261. - WHAT?

262. WHAT? YES.

263. - OH, MY GOD.

264. OH, MY GOD, YOU LIVE DOWN HERE.

265. OH, MY GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING.

266. WHAT?

267. I CAN'T BE AT MY HOUSE

268. AND SEE MY EX-BOYFRIEND LIVING IN A HOLE

269. IN MY BACKYARD LIKE A GOPHER.

270. THAT'S SO WEIRD, ANDY.

271. - LISTEN, I HAVE BEEN TRYING REALLY HARD

272. NOT TO BOTHER YOU.

273. LIKE, WHEN YOU HAD THAT BARBECUE LAST WEEK,

274. I DIDN'T COME UP, EVEN THOUGH IT SMELLED SO GOOD.

275. - YOU'VE BEEN HERE A WHOLE WEEK?

276. - YES.

277. ONE WEEK ONLY.

278. - OH, I GUESS THAT'S THE OFFICE THAT YOU WERE TELLING ME ABOUT

279. THAT YOU GO TO WORK TO EVERY DAY.

280. EXCELLENT. - LISTEN.

281. ARE WE GONNA TALK ABOUT ANYTHING

282. OTHER THAN THE LIES THAT I TOLD YOU?

283. - OH, I CAN'T DO THIS RIGHT NOW.

284. I HAVE A GUY FIXING MY BATHROOM.

285. I GOT TO GO.

286. - YEAH, THAT'S COOL. I GOT TO ZOOM OUT TOO.

287. 'CAUSE I HAVE SOME PEOPLE COMING OVER,

288. SO WHY DON'T YOU CALL FIRST NEXT TIME?

289. YOU KNOW THE WAY OUT.

290. - ALL RIGHT, IT'S TIME NOW

291. FOR THE DREADED Q&A.

292. AND THE FIRST QUESTION GOES TO TOM HAVERFORD.

293. - AH, YES, I HAVE A QUESTION FOR THE HOT ONE.

294. FIRST OFF, I JUST WANT TO SAY

295. I'M A LITTLE BIT SURPRISED

296. BECAUSE I DIDN'T THINK ANGELS COULD FLY SO LOW.

297. THANK YOU.

298. YOU TRULY ARE A BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL WOMAN.

299. YOU'RE SO FUNNY.

300. - YOU'RE FUNNY.

301. YOU'RE FUNNY.

302. - DO YOU HAVE A QUESTION, TOM?

303. - OKAY, I, ACTUALLY, I HAVE A REAL QUESTION.

304. IF YOU DON'T MIND, TOM.

305. TRISH, ALEXIS DE TOCQUEVILLE CALLED AMERICA

306. THE GREAT EXPERIMENT.

307. WHAT CAN WE DO AS CITIZENS TO IMPROVE ON THAT EXPERIMENT?

308. - UM, WELL...

309. I THINK THAT AMERICA IS THE LAND

310. OF THE FREE, WHICH IS A WONDERFUL THING,

311. AND ALSO THE BRAVE,

312. WHERE PEOPLE CAN LIVE.

313. AND NO ONE CAN EVER TAKE THAT AWAY FROM YOU.

314. AND IT NEVER GIVES UP.

315. BUT THE HIGH BIRTHING RATE OF IMMIGRANTS FRIGHTENS ME.

316. NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE OUT THERE,

317. BUT IF IT WERE UP TO ME

318. AND MY FAMILY,

319. I WOULD ACTUALLY CALL IT OUR AMERICA

320. AND NOT THEIR AMERICA.

321. THANK YOU.

322. - DON'T APPLAUD THAT.

323. DON'T—SHE DIDN'T ANSWER MY QUESTION.

324. - I'M SORRY, YOU DON'T THINK IT'S WEIRD

325. THAT MY EX-BOYFRIEND LIVES IN A TENT

326. IN THE PIT OUTSIDE MY HOUSE?

327. - IT'S NOT IDEAL.

328. UH, MAYBE YOU SHOULD TRY TO RELAX.

329. MAYBE TAKE ONE OF THOSE ATAVINS

330. I SAW IN THE MEDICINE CABINET.

331. - DUDE.

332. - YEAH, I PEEKED.

333. I ALSO DIDN'T SEE ANY TOOTHPASTE.

334. DO YOU NOT USE TOOTHPASTE?

335. - I MEAN, I ALWAYS KNEW HE WAS LAZY,

336. BUT THIS IS LIKE A NEW LOW FOR HIM.

337. - I FEEL LIKE WE SHOULD INVITE HIM INSIDE.

338. - HAVE YOU NOT BEEN LISTENING TO ANYTHING I JUST SAID?

339. - I DON'T KNOW. IT'S RAINING OUTSIDE.

340. AND HE'S LIVING IN A PIT, YOU KNOW?

341. - OKAY, FOLKS, JUST A COUPLE MORE CONTESTANTS,

342. AND THEN THE JUDGES WILL DECIDE

343. OUR NEXT MISS PAWNEE,

344. A WINNER OF $600 IN GIFT CERTIFICATES

345. TO BIG ARCHIE'S SPORTING GOODS AND EMERSON FENCING COMPANY.

346. - WHAT? WE DON'T GET CASH?

347. THIS IS FOR A FENCE?

348. - WELL, IT WON'T COVER A WHOLE FENCE,

349. BUT IT WILL DEFRAY THE COST CONSIDERABLY.

350. - OH, MY GOD.

351. I QUIT.

352. I QUIT.

353. - OKAY. I GUESS SHE REALLY IS QUITTING.

354. - NO, I DIDN'T WIN.

355. BUT AT LEAST I DIDN'T MAKE ANY NEW FRIENDSHIPS.

356. - SO HOW LONG DO WE HAVE TO PRETEND TO DELIBERATE

357. TILL WE GET BACK OUT THERE?

358. - WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

359. - WE'RE ALL IN AGREEMENT.

360. THE HOT ONE, BY A LANDSLIDE.

361. - WELL, HER NAME IS TRISH,

362. AND I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD RUSH THIS, YOU KNOW.

363. - WHAT IS THERE TO TALK ABOUT?

364. I MEAN, I THOUGHT TRISH WAS JUST ADORABLE.

365. - WELL, TAKE SUSAN, FOR EXAMPLE.

366. I THINK— - SUSAN "BORING STORIES"? NAH.

367. IT'S TRISH. LET'S GO BACK OUT THERE.

368. - OKAY, HOLD ON, EVERYONE.

369. HOLD ON. EVERYONE, W-WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

370. LOOK, WHOEVER WE CHOOSE IS GONNA REPRESENT

371. THE IDEAL WOMAN FOR A YEAR.

372. SHE'LL BE SOMEONE THAT LITTLE GIRLS

373. IN SOUTH-CENTRAL INDIANA LOOK UP TO.

374. NOW NOBODY LEAVES THIS ROOM

375. UNTIL WE DISCUSS ALL OF IT, OKAY?

376. CONSIDER YOURSELVES SEQUESTERED.

377. I'M A JUDGE,

378. SO I DON'T WANT TO SOUND PARTIAL,

379. BUT TRISH WILL WIN THIS PAGEANT OVER MY DEAD BODY.

380. - LOOK, I'M THE ONLY ONE HERE

381. WHO HAS ENTERED AND WON THIS CONTEST

382. IN THE PAST.

383. AND I THINK TRISH IS A NO-BRAINER.

384. - JESSICA, MAY I ASK, WHAT WAS YOUR TALENT?

385. - OH, I PACKED A SUITCASE.

386. - I HAVE TO SAY,

387. LESLIE DOES MAKE A GOOD POINT.

388. TRISH IS NOT THE BRIGHTEST BULB IN THE BUNCH.

389. - YES, RAY, GOOD.

390. I LIKE WHAT YOU'RE SAYING. LET'S KEEP TALKING.

391. - JUST STAND OVER THERE, AND DON'T DRIP ON ANYTHING.

392. - IS MARK THE GUY WHO'S FIXING YOUR SHOWER?

393. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, MARK,

394. BUT I'VE SEEN A TON OF PORN,

395. AND I KNOW WHAT FIXING YOUR SHOWER MEANS.

396. - ANDY.

397. - SORRY, YOU GUYS ARE ON A DATE.

398. THAT'S COOL. - ANDY.

399. - NO, IT'S ALL RIGHT.

400. DON'T LET ME INTERRUPT YOUR DATE.

401. - DIG IN.

402. - I ALREADY ATE. I'M SUPER FULL.

403. I DON'T— I DIDN'T WANT ANY.

404. - OKAY, SO IT'S STILL 3-2 FOR TRISH.

405. GUYS, ALL I ASK

406. IS THAT YOU LOOK INTO YOUR HEARTS

407. AND THINK, REALLY THINK,

408. ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE SEEN

409. AND ASK YOURSELVES,

410. WHO IS THE MOST IMPRESSIVE WOMAN HERE TONIGHT?

411. - IT'S THE HOT ONE, TRISH IANETTA.

412. - THESE ARE AMAZING.

413. DO YOU—DO YOU PUT A LOT OF HOT SAUCE

414. ON THESE OR SOMETHING?

415. - A GOOD CHEF NEVER REVEALS HER SECRETS.

416. - IT'S HOT SAUCE.

417. ANN IS AN EXTRAORDINARY COOK.

418. MM.

419. MEMORIES.

420. - DO YOU WANT SOME MORE? ARE YOU HUNGRY STILL?

421. - YOU KNOW WHAT'S FUNNY?

422. I WAS JUST SITTING OVER HERE ON THE COUCH,

423. AND I WAS THINKING

424. THAT THERE WAS ONCE A TIME WHEN MARK USED TO BE

425. THE STRANGER IN THE HOUSE.

426. AND NOW IT'S ME.

427. - EXCUSE ME, EVERYONE.

428. UM, WHY DON'T WE JUST TAKE A MOMENT TO GIVE A ROUND

429. OF APPLAUSE TO ALL THE CONTESTANTS THIS EVENING?

430. YES.

431. ESPECIALLY SUSAN.

432. THIS ISN'T THE FIRST TIME THAT SUSANS HAVE LOST TO TRISHES.

433. AND IT WON'T BE THE LAST.

434. SUSAN AND I WILL CONTINUE ON

435. UNTIL THE WOMEN OF PAWNEE ARE JUDGED

436. NOT BY THE FLATNESS OF THEIR TUMMIES,

437. BUT BY THE CONTENTS OF THEIR BRAINS.

438. AND, TRISH,

439. I MAY NOT HAVE VOTED FOR YOU,

440. BUT NOW IS A TIME

441. FOR US TO COME TOGETHER.

442. I HOPE YOU HONOR THIS CROWN WITH DIGNITY

443. AND A DEVOTION TO—

444. - WHOO!

445. ONE, TWO, THREE.

446. - AS USUAL, ANN, DELICIOUS MEAL.

447. ARE WE DOING ANYTHING IN THE WAY OF DESSERT OR COFFEE?

448. - WE ARE LEAVING.

449. - OKAY, I GET IT.

450. DON'T WORRY. I'M VERY GOOD AT PICKING UP SIGNALS.

451. LET'S GO, MARK.

452. - NO, DUMMY, JUST YOU.

453. - OKAY.

454. ALL RIGHT.

455. - TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

456. - JUST DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME, ANN.

457. OKAY?

458. I'LL BE FINE.

459. THAT WENT REALLY WELL!

460. WE HAD DINNER,

461. I GOT TO SEE HER.

462. OH, GOD, I WAS SO TEMPTED TO LOOK BACK AT HER.

463. WAS SHE LOOKING?

464. I HAD TO WALK SO SLOW.

465. AGH.

466. A GOOD DAY.

467. - WELL, WELL, WELL, LOOK WHO'S HERE.

468. IT'S OFFICER JOHN MCCLANE.

469. WELCOME TO THE PARTY, PAL.

470. - WHO'S THAT? - DIE HARD.

471. - BATTERY?

472. - HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

473. - WELL, YOU KNOW, THE OTHER DAY I ASKED YOU

474. IF YOU WANTED TO HAVE COFFEE?

475. - YEAH. - YOU SAID YES.

476. - YES. - OKAY.

477. AND THEN AFTERWARDS, I SAW YOU AGAIN,

478. YOU KIND OF ACTED LIKE YOU DIDN'T WANT

479. TO HAVE COFFEE ANYMORE.

480. WE LEFT IT KIND OF OPEN-ENDED. - WE DID.

481. - AND THAT'S MADE ME UNCOMFORTABLE.

482. - OKAY.

483. - SO I THOUGHT I'D COME IN AND ASK YOU.

484. JUST GET SOME CLEARANCE ON THIS.

485. - DAVE, I LIKE YOU. - I LIKE YOU TOO.

486. OKAY, SO, WE'LL GET COFFEE THEN.

487. - BUT I'M JUST BUSY.

488. RIGHT NOW, MY SCHEDULE'S JUST SO...

489. - OKAY. OKAY, I GET IT.

490. LOOK, I'M NOT A GUY WHO PLAYS GAMES.

491. OKAY, I JUST CAME TO TELL YOU THAT I LIKE YOU,

492. AND I LIKE COFFEE,

493. AND IF YOU WANT TO GET SOME COFFEE, JUST...

494. HERE'S MY NUMBER.

495. COMING THROUGH, BUDDY.

496. HEY, I GOT YOUR MESSAGE.

497. - HEY.

498. THANKS FOR COMING.

499. LOOK, I'D LOVE TO GO OUT WITH YOU.

500. HOW ABOUT FRIDAY FOR DINNER?

501. - YEAH? GREAT.

502. HEY, UM, WILL SANDRA DAY O'CONNOR AND MICHELLE OBAMA

503. AND CONDOLEEZZA RICE AND NANCY PELOSI—

504. ARE THEY GONNA JOIN US?

505. - NO, THEY WILL NOT BE JOINING US.

506. - OKAY, WELL, GOOD, 'CAUSE I DON'T HAPPEN TO AGREE

507. WITH MISS PELOSI'S VIEWS

508. ABOUT THE TROUBLED ASSETS RELIEF PROGRAM.

509. - HMM.

510. - I LOOKED THAT UP TO IMPRESS YOU.

511. - I FIGURED. - YEAH.

512. - IF YOU GUYS LIKE GRILLING, YOU WANT TO COME OVER,

513. USE MY GRILL, LET ME DO YOU A FAVOR.

514. TAKE A KEY, JUST COME BY,

515. GRILL UP WHATEVER YOU WANT.

516. THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE PICK-UP STRATEGIES.

517. I'M CONSTANTLY GIVING WOMEN MY KEYS.

518. - THIS IS YOUR HOUSE KEY?

519. - YEAH, YEAH, I JUST HAPPEN TO HAVE A SPARE.

520. JUST COME BY, GO FOR A DIP WHENEVER YOU WANT.

521. SO FAR, NONE OF 'EM HAVE SHOWN UP.

522. - THAT'S A VERY APPEALING OFFER. THANK YOU.

523. - MATTER OF TIME.

524. HEY, CRAIG.

525. - HEY, TOMMY.

526. - 50 MORE COPIES, PLEASE.

527. - YOU GOT IT.

528. - I HAVE BEEN ROBBED TWICE.