1. - GOOD MORNING.
- WHOO!Copy !req
2. SWISS FAMILY RON-BINSON—
THAT HAT IS DOPE.Copy !req
3. - THANKS, TOM.Copy !req
4. - YOU MIND IF I ROCK
THAT BAD LARRY ON MY DOME?Copy !req
5. WEAR IT, ON MY HEAD?Copy !req
6. TRY IT ON THE LADIES?Copy !req
7. - BE MY GUEST.Copy !req
8. - HI. I'M TOM.
I HAVE A RACCOON ON MY HEAD.Copy !req
9. EXCUSE ME, MY FRIEND OVER HERE
WAS DIGGING THROUGH YOUR TRASH,Copy !req
10. AND I THINK WE MAY
HAVE A LOT IN COMMON.Copy !req
11. I'M TOM. WOULD YOU LIKE
TO SEE A MOVIE SOMETIME?Copy !req
12. ARE YOU A RACCOON?Copy !req
13. BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN RUNNING
AROUND MY HAT ALL DA—Copy !req
14. HEAD ALL DAY.Copy !req
15. GIRL, YOU'RE MORE PRECIOUS
THAN PRECIOUS.Copy !req
16. - UH-UH.Copy !req
17. - NICE HAT.
WANT TO BONE?Copy !req
18. THAT'S YOU TALKING TO ME.Copy !req
19. - NO.Copy !req
20. HOW ABOUT...Copy !req
21. "YES, I AM A HUNTER,
AND IT'S YOU SEASON"?Copy !req
22. - WHOA!Copy !req
23. THAT'S GREAT.
I GOT TO GET BACK OUT THERE.Copy !req
24. YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY—Copy !req
25. ANIMAL ON THE HEAD,Copy !req
26. MANIMAL IN THE BED.Copy !req
27. DAMN, GIRL,
YOUR HOTNESS KILLED MY RACCOON.Copy !req
28. I HAVE A RACCOON HAT.
I'M AN INTERESTING PERSON.Copy !req
29. HELLO.Copy !req
30. - ANY LUCK?Copy !req
31. - NO.Copy !req
32. DIDN'T WORK OUT
AS WELL AS I THOUGHT IT WOULD.Copy !req
33. - WELL,
BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME.Copy !req
34. - I TRIED.
IT JUST DIDN'T SEEM LIKE—Copy !req
35. - WOW, I LOVE THAT HAT.Copy !req
36. - THANK YOU, MA'AM.Copy !req
37. - HEY, RON,
I HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU.Copy !req
38. MEET ME AT HARVEY JAMES PARK
AT 11:30.Copy !req
39. - WHY?
- IT'S A SURPRISE.Copy !req
40. - WHAT'S THE SURPRISE?Copy !req
41. - IF I TOLD YOU,
IT WOULD RUIN THE SURPRISE.Copy !req
42. - WHAT'S THE SURPRISE
IT WOULD RUIN?Copy !req
43. - I CANNOT TELL YOU THAT.Copy !req
44. - LESLIE,
MY FIRST WIFE, TAMMY,Copy !req
45. TRIED THROWING ME
A SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY.Copy !req
46. WHEN I SAW MY FRIENDS
HIDING THROUGH THE WINDOW,Copy !req
47. I DROVE TO A GAS STATION,
CALLED THE COPS,Copy !req
48. AND TOLD THEM PEOPLE
HAD BROKEN INTO MY HOME.Copy !req
49. NOT BIG ON SURPRISES.Copy !req
50. - OKAY, BUT YOU'RE
GONNA LIKE THIS ONE.Copy !req
51. - WHAT IS IT?
- I'M NOT TELLING YOU.Copy !req
52. AND I'M NOT
GONNA TELL ANYBODY.Copy !req
53. OKAY, I'LL TELL YOU.Copy !req
54. WE'RE PUTTING TOGETHERCopy !req
55. THE PARKS DEPARTMENT
SUMMER CATALOG,Copy !req
56. AND THE BIG SURPRISE
IS I AM GOING TO REUNITECopy !req
57. ALL THE LIVING, FORMER
PARKS DIRECTORS AT A PICNIC,Copy !req
58. RECORD THE WHOLE THING,Copy !req
59. AND THEN WRITE ABOUT IT
IN THE WELCOME LETTER.Copy !req
60. IT'S THE BIGGEST CATALOG
OF THE YEAR.Copy !req
61. THINK OF THE SEPTEMBER ISSUE
OF VOGUE,Copy !req
62. BUT IT'S MORE IMPORTANT
TO PAWNEE,Copy !req
63. MAINLY BECAUSE
WE DON'T GET VOGUE HERE.Copy !req
64. I'M GONNA MOVE THIS YEARNING AD
TO THE CENTERFOLD.Copy !req
65. - CENTERFOLD?
ALWAYS THE BEST PART.Copy !req
66. AM I RIGHT, JUSTIN?Copy !req
67. DAMN. YOU BROKE UP
SIX WEEKS AGO.Copy !req
68. - YEAH. JERRY, I NEED TO SEE
YOUR SOFTBALL PICTURES.Copy !req
69. - HERE YOU GO, CHIEF.Copy !req
70. - WOW. GOOD JOB.
NICE WORK.Copy !req
71. - WAIT A MINUTE.
ISN'T THAT THAT CREEPY GUY?Copy !req
72. MORGAN, THE PEDOPHILE?Copy !req
73. - YEAH, IT IS.Copy !req
74. - COME ON, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
HE SEEMED OKAY.Copy !req
75. WE HAD DINNER TOGETHER.Copy !req
76. - GUYS, I DON'T KNOW
IF I MADE IT CLEAR,Copy !req
77. BUT I DON'T WANT
ANY SEX OFFENDERSCopy !req
78. IN OUR PARKS CATALOG.Copy !req
79. - OKAY,
I WILL PHOTOSHOP HIS FACE.Copy !req
80. - CAN YOU PHOTOSHOP YOUR LIFE
WITH BETTER DECISIONS, JERRY?Copy !req
81. - OKAY, APRIL, ENOUGH.Copy !req
82. COVER PHOTO—
TOM, YOU'RE UP.Copy !req
83. - THIS CATALOGCopy !req
84. IS BASICALLY LIKE AN AD
FOR THE PARKS DEPARTMENT,Copy !req
85. AND I LOVE ADS.Copy !req
86. I LOVE MAGAZINE ADS
FOR FLAVORED VODKAS,Copy !req
87. BILLBOARDS
FOR DESIGNER JEANS.Copy !req
88. I TiVo THROUGH SHOWS
TO GET TO THE ADS.Copy !req
89. I LOVE ADS.Copy !req
90. WHAT ARE WE TRYING TO DO
WITH THIS CATALOG?Copy !req
91. WE'RE TRYING TO SELL PAWNEE
ON OUR SUMMER CLASSES.Copy !req
92. HOW DO WE DO THAT?Copy !req
93. WITH ONE PERFECT,
CAPTIVATING IMAGE.Copy !req
94. APRIL.Copy !req
95. MODERN LIFE.Copy !req
96. WHERE ARE WE RUNNING?Copy !req
97. SOMETIMES WHAT WE WANT
IS NOT ALWAYS WHERE WE ARE.Copy !req
98. NEXT SLIDE.Copy !req
99. ARE WE ALONE?Copy !req
100. IS THE REAL WINTER
INSIDE OUR HEARTS?Copy !req
101. WE'RE ALL STRUGGLING
FOR DEFINITIONCopy !req
102. IN A WORLD THAT RESISTS
OUR INQUIRIES.Copy !req
103. - OKAY, THIS ISN'T GONNA WORK
FOR A NUMBER OF REASONS.Copy !req
104. ONE—
THIS IS A SUMMER CATALOG,Copy !req
105. TWO—THAT WAS
COMPLETE GIBBERISH,Copy !req
106. AND THREE—THAT CHILD
LOOKS LIKE IT'S ABANDONED,Copy !req
107. SO BASICALLY, BOO.Copy !req
108. - NEXT SLIDE.Copy !req
109. OH, GOD.Copy !req
110. WEIRD.
HOW DID THAT...?Copy !req
111. UM, THAT'S A PERSONAL PHOTO.Copy !req
112. THAT'S—Copy !req
113. SHOULDN'T BE—
IT MUST'VE...Copy !req
114. YOU KNOW, I GOT TO SAY,Copy !req
115. I THINK THAT COULD ACTUALLY WORK
AS OUR COVER PHOTO.Copy !req
116. I'M COOL WITH IT
IF YOU GUYS ARE.Copy !req
117. IT'S A HIGH-RES PHOTO.Copy !req
118. - I DON'T KNOW IF I HAVE
TIME FOR THIS, GUYS,Copy !req
119. SO LET'S JUST PICK
A GOOD PHOTO, OKAY?Copy !req
120. - WHAT DO YOU WANT, LESLIE?Copy !req
121. A PICTURE OF PARENTS
PUSHING A KID ON A SWING?Copy !req
122. - YEAH, EXACTLY.
GET ME THAT.Copy !req
123. - OKAY, I GOT TO GO.Copy !req
124. - WHAT IS HE THINKING?Copy !req
125. - "WHY IS MY CUP SO TINY?"Copy !req
126. - HEY.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?Copy !req
127. - HAPPY
SIX-MONTH ANNIVERSARY.Copy !req
128. I GOT YOU A GIFT.Copy !req
129. UH, IT'S
A CHICKEN-SALAD SANDWICH.Copy !req
130. AND I DON'T WANT YOU TO FEEL BAD
ABOUT NOT GETTING ME ANYTHING,Copy !req
131. BECAUSE I NEVER EXP—Copy !req
132. - SWISS ARMY WATCH, MOFO.Copy !req
133. - WELL DONE, PERKINS.Copy !req
134. WOW.
- YOU LIKE IT?Copy !req
135. - THANK YOU SO MUCH.
IT'S SO NICE.Copy !req
136. ARE YOU—
ARE YOU ALLOWED TO KISS MECopy !req
137. IN A—IN A HOSPITAL ROOM?Copy !req
138. - OH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
HE'S DEAD.Copy !req
139. - OH, MY GOD.Copy !req
140. - OH, NO, I'M JUST KIDDING.
HE'S SLEEPING.Copy !req
141. - OH, OKAY.Copy !req
142. YEAH, OUR RELATIONSHIP
IS GOING WELL,Copy !req
143. REALLY WELL.Copy !req
144. THAT GUY REALLY SEEMED DEAD.Copy !req
145. - NICE!Copy !req
146. - HERE, CATCH THIS.Copy !req
147. YOU GOT ME IN THE FACE.Copy !req
148. OH.
THAT ONE HURT.Copy !req
149. YOU HAVE A GOOD ARM.Copy !req
150. - I KNOW. I USED TO PLAY
SOFTBALL IN HIGH SCHOOL.Copy !req
151. - SHUT UP. I PLAYED BASEBALL
IN HIGH SCHOOL.Copy !req
152. - SHUT UP.Copy !req
153. - YEAH, THAT'S, LIKE,
THE BOY VERSION OF SOFTBALL.Copy !req
154. - GUYS, DON'T PLAY
WITH THE FOOD, OKAY?Copy !req
155. WE NEED THIS FOR THE PICNIC.Copy !req
156. WE HAVE EVERYTHING?
- YES, MA'AM.Copy !req
157. THREE PICNIC BASKETS,
ASSORTED CHEESES, GRAPES, WINE.Copy !req
158. - SMOKED SALMON?Copy !req
159. - APRIL THREW
THE SMOKED SALMON ON THE ROOF.Copy !req
160. I'M SORRY.Copy !req
161. - WHERE'S LESLIE?Copy !req
162. SHE JUST TEXTED ME
FROM YOUR PHONECopy !req
163. AND SAID SHE LEFT
HER PHONE AT HOMECopy !req
164. AND THAT I SHOULD
COME HERE IMMEDIATELY,Copy !req
165. AND WHY DID I BELIEVE THAT?Copy !req
166. MAYBE IN YOUR HEART,
YOU KNEW IT WAS FROM ME,Copy !req
167. BUT YOU CAME ANYWAY.Copy !req
168. - NOPE.Copy !req
169. - TOM, WOULD YOU PLEASE
STOP TEXTING MECopy !req
170. THAT YOU'RE HAVING
A CITY-PLANNING EMERGENCY.Copy !req
171. THERE'S NO SUCH THING
AS A CITY-PLANNING EMERGENCY.Copy !req
172. - HI, THERE.
- HI.Copy !req
173. - LOOK AT YOU TWO.Copy !req
174. ANN PERKINS,
MARK BRENDANAWICZ.Copy !req
175. ANN-DANAWICZ...Copy !req
176. OR MERKINS.Copy !req
177. NO, ANN-DANAWICZ.Copy !req
178. YOU TWO SHOULD BE MODELS—Copy !req
179. MAYBE ON THE COVERCopy !req
180. OF THE PARKS DEPARTMENT
SUMMER CATALOG?Copy !req
181. - THAT'S NOT THE REASON
YOU CALLED ME IN HERE, RIGHT?Copy !req
182. 'CAUSE I JUST FINISHED
A 12-HOUR SHIFT.Copy !req
183. IF THAT'S THE REASON—Copy !req
184. - COME ON, ANN.
IT'D BE A HUGE FAVOR FOR LESLIE.Copy !req
185. YOU KNOW HOW IMPORTANT
THIS IS TO HER.Copy !req
186. - WELL, I AM IN.
- DUDE.Copy !req
187. - I AM.Copy !req
188. WE DON'T HAVE ANY PICTURESCopy !req
189. OF JUST THE TWO OF US.Copy !req
190. PLUS, I'VE ALWAYS SAIDCopy !req
191. WE SHOULD GO
ON MORE DATES WITH TOM.Copy !req
192. - YEAH, YOU HAVE,Copy !req
193. AND THANK GOD AN OPPORTUNITY
PRESENTED ITSELF.Copy !req
194. - SEE, WIN-WIN.Copy !req
195. - NOW, ANN,
YOU'RE GONNA CHANGE, RIGHT?Copy !req
196. - I G—I GUESS.Copy !req
197. - AND WOULD IT KILL YOU
TO MAYBE PUT ON SOME LIPSTICK?Copy !req
198. DO YOU EVEN OWN LIPSTICK?Copy !req
199. - THIS IS PROBABLY
THE FIRST TIME IN HISTORYCopy !req
200. THESE FOUR GREAT MEN
HAVE BEEN IN THE SAME PLACECopy !req
201. AT THE SAME TIME.Copy !req
202. IT KIND OF MAKES YOU—Copy !req
203. - WHAT IS THIS?Copy !req
204. SWEATER SWAP. SHE NOTICED.
YOU WERE RIGHT.Copy !req
205. - OH, MY GOD.
SOMEBODY'S HERE.Copy !req
206. OKAY, GUYS,
JUST ACT NORMAL, PLEASE.Copy !req
207. JUST BE LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE.Copy !req
208. HELLO.
HI, DAVID MOSER.Copy !req
209. I'M LESLIE KNOPE.Copy !req
210. IT IS SUCH AN HONOR
TO MEET YOU.Copy !req
211. - RIGHT. HOW LONG
IS THIS GONNA TAKE?Copy !req
212. - OH, NOT VERY LONG.Copy !req
213. I-I REALIZE, OF COURSE,
YOU'RE A VERY BUSY MAN.Copy !req
214. I LOVE PARKS.Copy !req
215. I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S SOMETHING
I'VE COMMUNICATED BEFORE.Copy !req
216. SO HAVING A PICNICCopy !req
217. WITH ALL THE FORMER, LIVING
PARKS DEPARTMENT DIRECTORS—Copy !req
218. GUESS WHO JUST CHECKED
SOMETHING OFF HER BUCKET LIST.Copy !req
219. CLARENCE CARRINGTON,
DAVID MOSER,Copy !req
220. MICHAEL TANSLEY,
RON SWANSON—Copy !req
221. GATHERED TOGETHER
ON A BEAUTIFUL DAYCopy !req
222. IN THIS BEAUTIFUL PARK.Copy !req
223. I THINK WE SHOULD JUST
TAKE A MOMENTCopy !req
224. AND APPRECIATE
HOW LUCKY WE ARE.Copy !req
225. - I THOUGHT
YOU WERE DEAD, CLARENCE.Copy !req
226. - NO, I'M GONNA OUTLIVE YOU,
THEN I'M GONNA NAIL YOUR WIFE.Copy !req
227. - SCREW YOU, YOU OLD COOT.Copy !req
228. - CLASSIC DAVID.
YOU'RE WORSE THAN RON.Copy !req
229. - SHUT YOUR
DAMN MOUTH, TANSLEY.Copy !req
230. - OKAY, GREAT, LET'S GO.Copy !req
231. WHEN I SAY "PARKS,"
YOU SAY "DEPARTMENT."Copy !req
232. PARKS.Copy !req
233. PARKS.Copy !req
234. - APARTMENT!Copy !req
235. - OH, BOY, THIS IS TAKING A LOT
LONGER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD.Copy !req
236. CAN YOU GUYS RUN UP AHEAD
AND SET UP THE PICNIC?Copy !req
237. - SURE.Copy !req
238. - WHERE ARE THEY GOING
WITH THE FOOD?Copy !req
239. I'M STARVING.
I ONLY HAD ONE BREAKFAST.Copy !req
240. - OKAY, RELAX.Copy !req
241. LOOK, WHAT WAS GOING ON
BACK THERE?Copy !req
242. WHY ALL THE SNIPING?Copy !req
243. - I'M NOT EXACTLY SURE.Copy !req
244. THE ONLY ONE I KNOW
IS MICHAEL,Copy !req
245. AND WE'RE NOT EXACTLY
BEST FRIENDS.Copy !req
246. I'M HUNGRY.Copy !req
247. - OKAY, WELL,
DON'T BE SUCH A BABY.Copy !req
248. I COOKED YOU SOME BACON
FOR A TRAIL SNACK.Copy !req
249. - I ATE IT ALREADY.Copy !req
250. - WHAT?Copy !req
251. - I COULD SMELL IT
IN YOUR PURSECopy !req
252. BEFORE I EVEN PARKED MY CAR.Copy !req
253. AND NOW IT'S GONE,Copy !req
254. AND I HATE EVERYTHING.Copy !req
255. - GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.Copy !req
256. ALL RIGHT.Copy !req
257. I THINK WE GOT THE BORING,
CLICHED SHOT THAT LESLIE WANTED.Copy !req
258. - THAT'S IT?
WE'RE DONE?Copy !req
259. - NOT EVEN CLOSE.Copy !req
260. NOW THE REAL ART BEGINS.Copy !req
261. STEP ONE—
NAIL THIS PHOTO SHOOTCopy !req
262. WITH AN AMAZING,
ICONIC IMAGE.Copy !req
263. STEP TWO—
BOOK SOME OUTSIDE GIGS.Copy !req
264. STEP THREE—
HAVE SEX WITH A MODEL.Copy !req
265. STEP FOUR—STEP IN FRONT
OF THE CAMERA, BECOME A MODEL.Copy !req
266. GO, YES. KEEP SLITHERING,
KEEP SLITHERING!Copy !req
267. ANN, CAN YOU GIVE ME SOMETHING,
ANYTHING IN THE FACE?Copy !req
268. - WHAT DO YOU
WANT ME TO DO?Copy !req
269. - DO WHAT MARK'S DOING.
HE'S DOING GREAT.Copy !req
270. KEEP SLITHERING!Copy !req
271. - I'M NOT DOING
ANYTHING, SO...Copy !req
272. - OKAY, CLARENCE,
UM, WHY DON'T YOU DESCRIBECopy !req
273. THE FIRST SUMMER
PAWNEE CATALOG?Copy !req
274. - OH, I REMEMBER.Copy !req
275. THAT FIRST YEAR,
WE OFFERED FOUR CLASSES.Copy !req
276. I ACTUALLY
TAUGHT HOMEMAKING.Copy !req
277. WOMEN WERE NOT ALLOWED
TO TEACH BACK THEN.Copy !req
278. - REALLY?Copy !req
279. I THOUGHT THERE WERE FEMALE
TEACHERS WAY BEFORE THEN.Copy !req
280. - NOT IN MY DEPARTMENT.Copy !req
281. - WELL, TIMES HAVE CHANGED.Copy !req
282. I'M—I'M DEPUTY DIRECTOR NOW,
BUT I'M HOPING SOMEDAYCopy !req
283. TO BE THE FIRST FEMALE DIRECTOR
OF THE DEPARTMENT.Copy !req
284. - OH, I DON'T THINK
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.Copy !req
285. WOMEN, UH, NEED
A LOT OF BLOODCopy !req
286. TO—TO FLOW THROUGH
TO—TO THEIR BABY CENTERS,Copy !req
287. WHICH LEAVES LESS
TO THE BRAIN, YOU SEE.Copy !req
288. - YEAH. MM-HMM.
SURE.Copy !req
289. - I'D STAY AWAY
FROM LEADERSHIP ROLES,Copy !req
290. UH, FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY.Copy !req
291. - NO! NO!Copy !req
292. - HEY, MAYBE I SHOULD WRITE
A SONG ABOUT A PICNIC.Copy !req
293. - OOH, WHERE'D YOU COME UP
WITH THAT IDEA?Copy !req
294. - THE PICNIC WE'RE HAVING.Copy !req
295. I ALREADY HAVE
THE PERFECT TITLE.Copy !req
296. "LIFE IS A PICNIC."Copy !req
297. - THAT'S GOOD.Copy !req
298. HOW ABOUT "LIFE IS
A PICNIC... WITH YOU"?Copy !req
299. - WHOA. THEN IT COULD BE
ABOUT A GIRL...Copy !req
300. OR PEYTON MANNING.Copy !req
301. HMM. YOU WANT TO HELP ME
WRITE THE LYRICS?Copy !req
302. - YEAH, TOTALLY.Copy !req
303. - WE SHOULD GRAB A DRINK
AFTER THIS AT TUCKER'S.Copy !req
304. - YEAH, I WOULD DO THAT.
THAT SOUNDS FUN.Copy !req
305. I JUST HAVE TO, UM, GET
MY STUFF FROM THE OFFICE.Copy !req
306. BUT THAT'S—
THAT WOULD BE COOL.Copy !req
307. - DAVID,
WHAT WAS IT EXACTLYCopy !req
308. THAT CALLED YOU
TO THE PARKS DEPARTMENT?Copy !req
309. - WELL, I WAS IN PUBLIC WORKS
FOR EIGHT YEARS,Copy !req
310. BUT THE DIRECTOR
WAS PRETTY YOUNG.Copy !req
311. CLARENCE WAS OLD
AND WEAK,Copy !req
312. SO I PUT IN FOR A TRANSFER,
SWOOPED IN,Copy !req
313. AND PUSHED HIM OUT.Copy !req
314. - UH, THERE WAS NO OTHER REASON
YOU WANTED THE JOB?Copy !req
315. - NO, JUST THE MONEY
AND THE PENSION.Copy !req
316. THE ACTUAL JOB'S
A NIGHTMARE.Copy !req
317. I MEAN, WHO GIVES A CRAP
ABOUT THIS CRAP?Copy !req
318. - WELL, DAVID, I THINK
WE'VE TALKED ENOUGH.Copy !req
319. - MARK, THAT'S GREAT.
BOBBY, GREAT.Copy !req
320. ANN, YOU LOOK MISERABLE!Copy !req
321. TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE!Copy !req
322. COME ON, ANN,
WHAT ARE WE DOING?Copy !req
323. MAXIM
OR GOOD HOUSEKEEPING?Copy !req
324. - I'M NOT SURE
WHICH ONE IS THE INSULT.Copy !req
325. - HEY, IF THERE'S
ANYONE OUT THERECopy !req
326. THAT'S DOING
A PHOTO SHOOTCopy !req
327. ABOUT THE DANGERS OF EATING
UNDERCOOKED CHICKEN,Copy !req
328. I CAN GIVE YOU
ANN'S PHONE NUMBER.Copy !req
329. OKAY, LET'S STOP
FOR A SECOND.Copy !req
330. BOBBY, I LOVE
HOW YOU WORK.Copy !req
331. - YAY.Copy !req
332. - YOU CAN HAVE AS MANY
JUICE BOXES AS YOU WANT.Copy !req
333. IN FACT, GRAB ME ONE TOO.
MAKE IT AN APPLE.Copy !req
334. MARK, GREAT JOB.
YOU CAN HAVE A JUICE BOX TOO.Copy !req
335. ANN, TAKE A WALK WITH ME.Copy !req
336. IN A MILLION YEARS,
I NEVER THOUGHTCopy !req
337. YOU WOULD BE THE PROBLEM
WITH THIS PHOTO SHOOT.Copy !req
338. - DIDN'T YOU JUST PLAN THIS,
LIKE, TWO HOURS AGO?Copy !req
339. - I JUST DON'T GET IT.Copy !req
340. HOW COULD SOMEONE SO HOT
BE SO BAD AT LOOKING HOT?Copy !req
341. - I'M SORRY I'M NOT
A PROFESSIONAL MODEL.Copy !req
342. AND SCREAMING "MAKE YOUR FACE
BETTER" DOESN'T HELP.Copy !req
343. - WELL, I'M SORRY.
YOUR FACE JUST ISN'T WORKING.Copy !req
344. AND WE NEED TO DO SOMETHINGCopy !req
345. TO DISTRACT
FROM THIS BORING AREA.Copy !req
346. NOW, I DIDN'T WANT
TO HAVE TO DO THIS,Copy !req
347. BUT WE MAY HAVE TO
GO NUDE.Copy !req
348. - GOOD-BYE, TOM.
- FAIR ENOUGH.Copy !req
349. I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND, BUT
WE SHOULD GET ONE FOR SAFETY.Copy !req
350. - OKAY, GUYS,
WE'RE ALMOST THERE.Copy !req
351. IT'S RIGHT UP HERE.Copy !req
352. - YOU REALLY
SHOULDN'T BE LEADING US.Copy !req
353. IF YOU'RE MENSTRUATING,
YOU'LL ATTRACT BEARS.Copy !req
354. - HOLY GOD.Copy !req
355. OKAY.Copy !req
356. HERE WE ARE.Copy !req
357. EAT.Copy !req
358. - WELL, IT HASN'T GONE
EXACTLY AS I'D HOPED,Copy !req
359. BUT, UM, I GOT THEM ALL HERE,Copy !req
360. AND WE'RE GONNA HAVE
A BEAUTIFUL PICNIC.Copy !req
361. IT'S GONNA—
IT'S GONNA BE GOOD.Copy !req
362. - HEY!Copy !req
363. I JUST WHIZZED
ON A BUTTERFLY.Copy !req
364. - WELL, GENTLEMEN, AS YOU KNOW,
I'M WORKING ON MY WELCOME LETTERCopy !req
365. FOR THE SUMMER CATALOG.Copy !req
366. - YOU SHOULD JUST COPY
THE EAGLETON ONE.Copy !req
367. I USED TO JUST COPY
THE EAGLETON ONE.Copy !req
368. - DID YOU?Copy !req
369. I WAS HOPING THAT MAYBE YOU
COULD TALK TO ME A LITTLE BITCopy !req
370. ABOUT HOW THE DEPARTMENT
HAS CHANGED SINCE YOU RAN IT.Copy !req
371. - WELL, I THINK YOU'VE DONE
A WONDERFUL JOBCopy !req
372. MAINTAINING THE PARKS.Copy !req
373. - THANK YOU, MICHAEL.
I APPRECIATE THAT.Copy !req
374. DID YOU ENJOY YOUR TURN
AT THE HELM?Copy !req
375. - OH, IN A WAY.Copy !req
376. UM, PENCIL-PUSHING
WASN'T REALLY MY THING,Copy !req
377. BUT I DID LOVE
THE PARKS THEMSELVES.Copy !req
378. THAT WAS THE BEST PART
OF THE JOB.Copy !req
379. - OH, ISN'T IT?
I TOTALLY AGREE.Copy !req
380. WELL, THANK GOODNESS FOR YOU.Copy !req
381. - YES, THANK GOODNESS
FOR MICHAEL.Copy !req
382. ARE YOU STILL ON PAROLE,
BY THE WAY?Copy !req
383. - OH, HA HA,
VERY FUNNY, RON.Copy !req
384. - Y-Y-YES, RON, I AM.
- WHAT?Copy !req
385. - HE SMOKED POT
IN THE OFFICECopy !req
386. AND IN ALL THE PARKS
CONSTANTLY.Copy !req
387. - IN FAIRNESS TO ME,
IT WAS A DIFFERENT TIME.Copy !req
388. IT WAS THE EARLY '90s,
BUT ALSO IT'S RIDICULOUSCopy !req
389. THAT MARIJUANA IS ILLEGAL.Copy !req
390. THOMAS JEFFERSON GREW HEMP.Copy !req
391. ALCOHOL IS LEGAL,
BUT POT ISN'T?Copy !req
392. THAT MAKES SENSE TO YOU, RON?Copy !req
393. - I'M SORRY.
I CAN'T HEAR HIPPIES.Copy !req
394. - SO IF YOU HAD TO SLEEP
WITH ONE OF THE OLD GUYS,Copy !req
395. WHO WOULD IT BE?Copy !req
396. - THE SUPER OLD ONE.Copy !req
397. - REALLY?
- MM-HMM.Copy !req
398. I'M AN EYEBROW GIRL.Copy !req
399. I WANT TO MAKE OUT WITH HIM
AND CHEW HIS EYEBROWS OFF.Copy !req
400. THAT IS...Copy !req
401. REALLY GROSS.Copy !req
402. - ANYBODY GOT ANY WATER?Copy !req
403. "OH, I WANT WATER. I'M SO OLD.Copy !req
404. I NEED TO DRINK WATER."
- OH, STOP IT.Copy !req
405. STOP TAUNTING HIM.Copy !req
406. - I DON'T NEED
YOUR HELP, JAILBIRD.Copy !req
407. - IF THERE'S
ANY UNCLAIMED MEAT OR CHEESE,Copy !req
408. I WOULD LIKE TO CLAIM IT.Copy !req
409. - YEAH,
LIKE YOU CLAIMED MY JOB?Copy !req
410. - YES, EXACTLY LIKE THAT,Copy !req
411. IN THAT I WANTED IT,
AND THEN I TOOK IT.Copy !req
412. - OKAY, GUYS,
YOU KNOW WHAT I WOULD LOVE?Copy !req
413. I'D LOVE IF ANYBODY
JUST SAID SOMETHING POSITIVECopy !req
414. ABOUT—OH, I DON'T KNOW—
ANYTHING.Copy !req
415. - I AGREE. LET'S JUST RELAX,
SMOKE ANOTHER "J,"Copy !req
416. AND ALL CALM DOWN.Copy !req
417. - ANOTHER?Copy !req
418. - BY THE WAY, IT'S RIDICULOUS
THAT POT IS ILLEGAL.Copy !req
419. - OH.
- IT GROWS...Copy !req
420. IN THE GROUND.Copy !req
421. I'VE PLANTED MARIJUANA
IN COMMUNITY GARDENSCopy !req
422. ALL OVER THE CITY,
AND IT HASN'T HURT ANYONE.Copy !req
423. - WHAT?
- YOU KNOW, MICHAEL,Copy !req
424. YOU ARE ONE
POT-LOVINGCopy !req
425. MOTHERPAIN
IN THE RECTUM.Copy !req
426. - OKAY, STOP IT.
STOP IT.Copy !req
427. YOU'RE ALL BEING
AWFUL, HORRIBLE MEN.Copy !req
428. - UH-OH.Copy !req
429. YOUR LITTLE FRIEND
COME TO VISIT?Copy !req
430. - CLARENCE, IF YOU MENTIONCopy !req
431. ANYTHING ABOUT WOMEN
OR MENSTRUATIONCopy !req
432. OR ANYTHING,
I'M GONNA TAKE YOUR FACE,Copy !req
433. AND I'M GONNA SHOVE IT
IN THOSE BRAMBLES.Copy !req
434. - YES.
- NO, YOU'RE NEXT, BUDDY.Copy !req
435. ANDY!
LET'S TAKE THIS PICTURE.Copy !req
436. COME ON, GET
OUT OF YOUR SEAT, TURDS.Copy !req
437. - WHAT?
- LINE UP OVER THERE.Copy !req
438. COME ON.
JUST PLEASE TRY TO LOOK HUMAN,Copy !req
439. ALL RIGHT, AND NOT SO EVIL.Copy !req
440. EVERYBODY, LOOKY HERE.Copy !req
441. ONE, TWO, THREE—
THANK YOU SO MUCHCopy !req
442. FOR THE WONDERFUL MEMORIES.Copy !req
443. EVERYBODY TAKE
THEIR STUFF AND GO.Copy !req
444. - OOH, OOH, CAN WE DO
ONE FUNNY-FACE ONE?Copy !req
445. - DO YOU HAVE THAT PICTURE
THAT ANDY TOOK?Copy !req
446. MAYBE I'LL RUN IT
WITHOUT ANY TEXT.Copy !req
447. - YEAH.Copy !req
448. I TRIED TO PHOTOSHOP IT TO MAKE
IT LOOK LIKE THEY WERE HAPPY.Copy !req
449. IT WAS REALLY HARD.
THEIR MOUTHS ARE JUST SO OLD.Copy !req
450. - GOD, LOOK
AT THESE HORRIBLE MEN.Copy !req
451. YOU KNOW, I DON'T EVEN KNOW
IF I WANT THEM IN MY CATALOG.Copy !req
452. - WOULD YOU LIKE...Copy !req
453. THESE MEN IN YOUR CATALOG?Copy !req
454. - OH, MY GOD, APRIL.
THAT'S DISGUSTING.Copy !req
455. - WHAT? LOOK HOW GENEROUS
THEY'RE BEING WITH EACH OTHER.Copy !req
456. - AND HERE'S
THE OBSTRUCTION SERIES.Copy !req
457. WHAT DO YOU THINK?
AMAZING, RIGHT?Copy !req
458. I CALL THIS ONE
"THE FUTURE."Copy !req
459. - IT'S COMPLETELY BLURRY.Copy !req
460. - YES, IT IS, ANN.Copy !req
461. - WHAT ABOUT THE ONES WE TOOK
ON THE SWING—THE NORMAL ONES?Copy !req
462. - YOU MEAN
THE "UNHAPPY WIFE" PHOTOS?Copy !req
463. - OH, MY GOD.
THESE ARE EVEN WORSE SOMEHOW.Copy !req
464. I LOOK MISERABLE.Copy !req
465. - YOU DO LOOK
KIND OF MISERABLE.Copy !req
466. - NOW YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT BY,
"MAKE YOUR FACE BETTER."Copy !req
467. - WAS THERE
SOMETHING WRONG, ANN? I—Copy !req
468. - WELL, I'D JUST GOTTEN OFF
A LONG SHIFT.Copy !req
469. HE WAS BEING
REALLY ANNOYING.Copy !req
470. - MARK LOOKS HAPPY.Copy !req
471. - UGH. JUST—Copy !req
472. PLEASE DON'T USE THESE, OKAY?Copy !req
473. LET'S GRAB SOME DINNER.Copy !req
474. - SURE.Copy !req
475. - HEY, RON,
YOU WANT ME TO READ YOUCopy !req
476. WHAT I HAVE SO FAR
IN MY WELCOME LETTER?Copy !req
477. NOTHING...Copy !req
478. BECAUSE YOU
AND YOUR JERK PREDECESSORSCopy !req
479. DIDN'T GIVE ME
ANYTHING TO WORK WITH.Copy !req
480. - DID YOU...Copy !req
481. PRINT THIS OUT?Copy !req
482. I HEARD THE PRINTER GOING.
- YES.Copy !req
483. - YOU COULD'VE JUST HANDED ME
A BLANK PIECE OF PAPER.Copy !req
484. - OH, WISDOM—
FINALLY.Copy !req
485. THANK YOU SO MUCH.Copy !req
486. YOU CAN ALSO KEEP THE PHOTO.
THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES.Copy !req
487. - GOOD GOD.Copy !req
488. I DON'T REMEMBER THIS.Copy !req
489. - THAT—
THAT'S THE WRONG ONE.Copy !req
490. BUT THE REAL ONE'S
VERY BAD AS WELL.Copy !req
491. I WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT I'M REPLACINGCopy !req
492. THE WELCOME LETTER
WITH THIS ADCopy !req
493. FOR YEARNING
BY DENNIS FEINSTEIN.Copy !req
494. SO GOOD-BYE, DISTILLED WISDOM
OF 50 YEARS OF EXPERIENCE.Copy !req
495. HELLO,
DISGUSTING FRAGRANCE FLAP.Copy !req
496. - LET ME BUY YOU DINNER.
- NO.Copy !req
497. I INSIST YOU BUY ME DINNER.Copy !req
498. - GET A DRINK OR WHATEVER.
IT'S COOL.Copy !req
499. - I.D.?
- I'M 24.Copy !req
500. - NO, YOU'RE NOT.Copy !req
501. - OKAY, I'M 25—
NO OLD JOKES, PLEASE.Copy !req
502. - I.D.Copy !req
503. - IT SAYS RIGHT HERE
YOU'RE 20.Copy !req
504. YOU'RE NOT EVEN
GONNA SHOW ME A FAKE?Copy !req
505. - SOMETIMES THE CONFIDENCE
CONFUSES PEOPLE.Copy !req
506. - YOU'RE GOOD, BRO.
- YOU KNOW WHAT?Copy !req
507. I THINK I'LL JUST—Copy !req
508. I'M GONNA—
- UM, HEY...Copy !req
509. UM, I KNOW ANOTHER BAR
THAT ALWAYS LETS—LETS ME IN,Copy !req
510. IF YOU JUST
WANT TO GO THERE,Copy !req
511. IF YOU WANT TO GO DO THAT.
- UH, YEAH, ACTUALLY...Copy !req
512. I SHOULD BE GOING HOME.Copy !req
513. I GOT A LOT OF STUFF TO DO,Copy !req
514. SO I SHOULD GO HOME...Copy !req
515. CLEAN AND STUFF.Copy !req
516. BUT...Copy !req
517. - YEAH, OKAY, COOL.
YEAH, I GOT TO...Copy !req
518. GO HOME TOO, SO...Copy !req
519. - ALL RIGHT.Copy !req
520. SEE YA.Copy !req
521. - LATER.Copy !req
522. - THE USUAL, MARTA.Copy !req
523. - ME TOO, MARTA.Copy !req
524. - YOU GOT IT.
- OH, RON...Copy !req
525. I REALLY MADE LOVE
TO THE POOCH ON THIS ONE.Copy !req
526. - SCREWED THE POOCH?Copy !req
527. - I DON'T LIKE THAT TERM.
IT'S SO VULGAR.Copy !req
528. RON.Copy !req
529. THAT SUCKED TODAY. I'M SORRY.
THERE'S NO OTHER WAY TO SAY IT.Copy !req
530. - THEY'RE A BUNCH
OF CAREER BUREAUCRATS.Copy !req
531. WHAT DID YOU THINK
THEY WERE GONNA SAY TO YOU?Copy !req
532. - "LESLIE, YOU ARE THE NEXT LINK
IN A WONDERFUL CHAINCopy !req
533. "THAT STRETCHES BACK
TO WHEN OUR TOWN WAS FOUNDED.Copy !req
534. "AND WE BELIEVE IN YOU,
AND WE SUPPORT YOU,Copy !req
535. "AND WE'LL BE FOLLOWING
YOUR CAREER.Copy !req
536. YOU ARE THE CHOSEN ONE."Copy !req
537. OR SOMETHING.Copy !req
538. - WELL, OKAY,
SO THAT WAS THE PROBLEM.Copy !req
539. - NO, YOU KNOW
WHAT THE WORST PART IS,Copy !req
540. IS I WANT TO BE
PARKS DIRECTOR,Copy !req
541. BUT EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO WAS
PARKS DIRECTOR HATED THEIR JOBCopy !req
542. AND HATED EVERYONE
THEY WORKED WITH.Copy !req
543. ARE WE GONNA HATE
EACH OTHER SOMEDAY?Copy !req
544. - I DON'T THINK SO.
- HUH.Copy !req
545. - I THINK
WE'RE GONNA BE FINE.Copy !req
546. - ANYWAY, THE POINT'S MOOT,Copy !req
547. BECAUSE YOU'RE
PARK DIRECTOR NOW,Copy !req
548. AND YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE,Copy !req
549. AND I'M NOT MAKING
YOU GO ANYWHERE.Copy !req
550. I'M NOT GONNA STAB YOU
IN THE BACK OR ANYTHING, SO...Copy !req
551. MAYBE I SHOULD GO SOMEWHERE.Copy !req
552. MAYBE I SHOULD MOVE
TO EAGLETON.Copy !req
553. OH, GOD,
THE THOUGHT OF THAT.Copy !req
554. - LESLIE, YOU DON'T HAVE
TO MOVE TO EAGLETON.Copy !req
555. WHEN I BECOME CITY MANAGER,Copy !req
556. MY JOB IS YOURS.Copy !req
557. OF COURSE,
MY FIRST ACT AS CITY MANAGERCopy !req
558. WILL BE TO PROPOSE ELIMINATING
THE PARKS DEPARTMENT,Copy !req
559. ALTHOUGH I EXPECT
A SPIRITED DEBATE WITH LESLIE.Copy !req
560. - WHO KNOWS WHAT THE FUTURE
HOLDS FOR ME?Copy !req
561. MAYBE I'LL LEAPFROG RON'S JOB
AND BECOME CITY MANAGER.Copy !req
562. OF COURSE,
MY FIRST ACT AS CITY MANAGERCopy !req
563. WOULD BE TO DOUBLE THE SIZE
OF THE PARKS DEPARTMENT,Copy !req
564. ALTHOUGH I DO EXPECT
A FIGHT FROM RON.Copy !req
565. BUT I'LL WIN.Copy !req
566. - MMM, OH!
THANK YOU, DARLING.Copy !req
567. - OH, WHY WOULD ANYBODYCopy !req
568. EVER EAT ANYTHING
BESIDES BREAKFAST FOOD?Copy !req
569. - PEOPLE ARE IDIOTS, LESLIE.Copy !req
570. - MMM.
- MMM.Copy !req
571. - THE WAIT IS OVER.
- OH, YAY!Copy !req
572. - YAY!
LOOK WHAT'S HERE.Copy !req
573. WHAT WE GOT...Copy !req
574. - "MY FELLOW PAWNEEANS,Copy !req
575. "YES, IT'S HERE.Copy !req
576. "THE PARKS DEPARTMENT'S
SUMMER CATALOG HAS ARRIVED.Copy !req
577. "AND FOR THE FIRST TIME
IN 20 YEARS, TENNIS IS BACK.Copy !req
578. "PERUSE THIS WONDROUS BOOK
AT YOUR LEISURECopy !req
579. "AND TAKE ADVANTAGECopy !req
580. "OF EVERYTHING THIS GREAT TOWN
HAS TO OFFER.Copy !req
581. "TIME IS FLEETING,
MY FELLOW PAWNEEANS.Copy !req
582. "MAKE THE MOST OF IT
WHILE YOU CAN.Copy !req
583. "I RECENTLY HAD THE HONOR
OF SPENDING AN AFTERNOONCopy !req
584. "WITH EVERY LIVING,
FORMER PARKS DIRECTOR,Copy !req
585. "AND THEY TAUGHT ME
A VALUABLE LESSON—Copy !req
586. THERE'S NOTHING
MORE IMPORTANT THAN FRIENDSHIP."Copy !req
587. - IT'S A LITTLE FLOWERY.Copy !req
588. - I GOT TO HAND IT
TO MICHAEL.Copy !req
589. HIS WATER-PIPE-MAKING SKILLS
WERE MOST IMPRESSIVE.Copy !req
590. I ONCE SAW HIM SMOKE POTCopy !req
591. OUT OF A 20-FOOT LENGTH
OF GARDEN HOSE AND A MILK JUG.Copy !req
592. THAT GUY MADE A WATER PIPE
OUT OF A STUFFED RACCOON.Copy !req
593. - NO WAY.
- NO, I'M NOT KIDDING.Copy !req
594. - HE MADE A BONG
OUT OF A TAXIDERMIED RACCOON?Copy !req
595. - I CAUGHT HIM SMOKING POT
OUT OF ITCopy !req
596. NOT THREE FEET
FROM WHERE WE'RE STANDING.Copy !req
597. - OH, NICE SHOT!Copy !req
598. - RIGHT IN CLARENCE'S
ANCIENT JUNK.Copy !req
599. - OH!
- OH!Copy !req
600. - IN THE NECK!Copy !req