1. - HI, I'M TOM HAVERFORD.
I WORK IN THE PARKS DEPARTMENT.Copy !req
2. - IT'S A LITTLE DOUCHEY.
- GOOD CALL, J.Copy !req
3. I'M GETTING DIVORCED
SO I'M TRYING TO UP MY GAME.Copy !req
4. WHO AM I SUPPOSED TO ASK
FOR FASHION DEVICE? JERRY?Copy !req
5. HE WEARS THE SAME
SOUP-STAINED KHAKIS EVERY DAY.Copy !req
6. JUSTIN'S MY SAVIOR.Copy !req
7. HE'S LIKE AN ISSUE OF GQ
THAT'S COME TO LIFE.Copy !req
8. TOMMY TIMBERLAKE.Copy !req
9. - YOU LOOK LIKE
ENCYCLOPEDIA BROWN.Copy !req
10. - SEQUINS!Copy !req
11. - TRY IT WITHOUT THE GLOVES.
- SEQUINS!Copy !req
12. MINUS THE GLOVES.Copy !req
13. HEY, WHAT'S UP.
I'M TOM.Copy !req
14. IS MY SHIRT LIGHTING UP,
'CAUSE I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE.Copy !req
15. ALL RIGHT, GUYS,
LET'S TALK ACCESSORIES.Copy !req
16. BE HONEST.
WHICH CANE DO YOU LIKE BETTER?Copy !req
17. DRAGON. SERPENT.
DRAGON. SERPENT.Copy !req
18. BELT BUCKLE
SAYS "WHAT'S CRACKIN'?"Copy !req
19. I CAN HAVE IT SAY
WHATEVER I WANT.Copy !req
20. IT CAN SAY "WHAT'S CRACKIN'?
I'M TOM."Copy !req
21. "WHAT'S CRACKIN', GIRL?"
"WHAT'S CRACKIN', BOO?"Copy !req
22. EAGLE MEDALLION.
GAH GAH.Copy !req
23. - WELL, AS FAR AS WHITE LEATHER
SUITS GO...Copy !req
24. - IT'S HORRIBLE.
- I LIKE IT.Copy !req
25. - SWEETUMS HAS BEEN PAWNEE'S
LEADING SWEET TREAT MANUFACTURERCopy !req
26. FOR OVER 80 YEARS.Copy !req
27. AND WE ARE SO EXCITED
ABOUT OUR NEW PARTNERSHIPCopy !req
28. WITH THE PARKS DEPARTMENT.Copy !req
29. HUH? WELCOME.Copy !req
30. - STARTING NEXT MONTH,Copy !req
31. SWEETUMS IS GONNA TAKE OVER
THE CONCESSION STANDSCopy !req
32. IN OUR PARKS.Copy !req
33. I-I DON'T LOVE THE IDEA
OF CORPORATE SPONSORSHIP,Copy !req
34. BUT SWEETUMS
IS AN INSTITUTION.Copy !req
35. WHEN YOU THINK OF PAWNEE,
YOU THINK OF SWEETUMS.Copy !req
36. - ALTHOUGH CANDY
IS OUR BREAD AND BUTTER,Copy !req
37. WE ALSO CARE ABOUT THE HEALTH
OF OUR CUSTOMERS.Copy !req
38. AND THAT'S WHY WE'LL BE DEBUTING
OUR NEW, HEALTHY ENERGY BAR,Copy !req
39. NUTRIYUMS.Copy !req
40. TAKE A LOOK.Copy !req
41. - HI. I'M NICK NEWPORT, JR.
CEO OF SWEETUMS.Copy !req
42. AND I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE TO YOU
OUR NEW LINE OF ENERGY BARS,Copy !req
43. NUTRIYUMS.Copy !req
44. WE START WITH 100%
ALL-NATURAL CORN.Copy !req
45. THEN WE ADD JUST A LITTLE BIT
OF SWEETUMS' CORN SYRUP,Copy !req
46. LITTLE DROP OF SUNSHINE,
AND SOME OTHER STUFF.Copy !req
47. AND SINCE
THEY'RE FROM SWEETUMS,Copy !req
48. YOU KNOW YOUR KIDS ARE GONNA
LOVE IT.Copy !req
49. - WOW, THAT FAMILY LOOKS
SO HEALTHY.Copy !req
50. LOOK AT THEM.
THEY'RE ALL WEARING VESTS.Copy !req
51. - DAKOTA, DENVER.Copy !req
52. SORRY, SHOELACE,
WE DON'T MAKE NUTRIYUMSCopy !req
53. FOR DOGS... YET.Copy !req
54. - SHOELACE.Copy !req
55. - NUTRIYUMS,
WHERE NUTRITIOUS MEETS TASTY.Copy !req
56. BY SWEETUMS.Copy !req
57. - IF YOU CAN'T BEAT 'EM...
- all: SWEETUMS!Copy !req
58. - I COULD NOT BE HAPPIER
ABOUT THIS.Copy !req
59. I THINK THE ENTIRE GOVERNMENT
SHOULD BE PRIVATIZED.Copy !req
60. CHUCK E. CHEESE
COULD RUN THE PARKS.Copy !req
61. EVERYTHING OPERATED
BY TOKENS.Copy !req
62. DROP IN A TOKEN,
GO ON THE SWING SET.Copy !req
63. DROP IN ANOTHER TOKEN,
TAKE A WALK.Copy !req
64. DROP IN A TOKEN,
LOOK AT A DUCK.Copy !req
65. DO YOU PERSONALLY KNOW
XZIBIT?Copy !req
66. BECAUSE I WAS CHECKING OUT
THAT PICKUP TRUCK OF YOURSCopy !req
67. AND THAT RIDE IS PIMP.Copy !req
68. - IT'S REALLY NICE OF YOU
TO COMPLIMENT MY PICKUP TRUCKCopy !req
69. WITH NO ULTERIOR MOTIVE.Copy !req
70. - YEAH, SO LISTEN,
I NEED TO MOVE SOME STUFFCopy !req
71. THIS WEEKEND
INTO MY NEW BACHELOR PADCopy !req
72. SINCE MY DIVORCE
IS FINALLY GOING DOWN.Copy !req
73. JUST SOME ODDS AND ENDS.Copy !req
74. YOU CAN BRING OVER
THE MARKMOBILE,Copy !req
75. HELP ME MOVE, RIGHT?Copy !req
76. - I'M TOTALLY BLANKING
ON A VALID EXCUSE RIGHT NOW.Copy !req
77. SO YES, I'LL HELP YOU.
- MY BOY!Copy !req
78. - I HATE
HAVING A PICKUP TRUCK.Copy !req
79. - ANDY, I HAVE
A VERY INTERESTINGCopy !req
80. BUSINESS PROPOSAL FOR YOU.Copy !req
81. I'M MOVING A LOT OF HEAVY STUFF
OUT OF MY PLACE THIS WEEKEND.Copy !req
82. - CAN I HELP YOU MOVE?
I'M REALLY GOOD AT IT.Copy !req
83. AFTERWARDS, I'LL TAKE
THE CARDBOARD FROM THE BOXESCopy !req
84. AND I'LL USE IT
FOR BREAK DANCING.Copy !req
85. - I'LL GO TOO.
- REALLY.Copy !req
86. 'CAUSE AN HOUR AGO,
YOU TOLD MECopy !req
87. YOU'D RATHER WATCH A SEX TAPE
OF YOUR GRANDPARENTS.Copy !req
88. - SHUT UP. I DON'T HAVE
ANYTHING ELSE TO DO.Copy !req
89. DO YOU WANT HELP OR NOT?Copy !req
90. - ALL RIGHT.
SEE YOU GUYS LATER.Copy !req
91. - I THINK THAT THAT'S
REALLY, REALLY SWEETCopy !req
92. THAT YOUR GRANDPARENTS
STILL MAKE LOVE.Copy !req
93. - OH. READY TO GO?
- YES. YOUR KEYS, PLEASE.Copy !req
94. - YOU GOT TO BE
KIDDING ME.Copy !req
95. I'M FINE.Copy !req
96. - WE'LL LET THE CHART
BE THE JUDGE OF THAT.Copy !req
97. WHAT, ARE YOU 5'11"?
210 POUNDS.Copy !req
98. THREE WHISKEYS.Copy !req
99. IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE JUST
OVER THE LINE INTO IMPAIRED.Copy !req
100. - YOU CARRY THAT WITH YOU
ALL THE TIME?Copy !req
101. - IT COMES IN HANDY.Copy !req
102. AND ON THE BACK, IT TEACHES YOU
HOW TO PLAY BLACKJACK.Copy !req
103. - SWANSONS HAVE
A PRETERNATURALLY HIGH TOLERANCECopy !req
104. FOR ALCOHOL.Copy !req
105. MY OLD MAN USED TO PUT
WILD TURKEY ON HIS CORN FLAKES.Copy !req
106. - I'M NOT GONNA ARGUE
WITH YOU, RON.Copy !req
107. WE'RE JUST GONNA SIT AND WAIT
UNTIL, YOU KNOW,Copy !req
108. YOU'RE SAFE TO DRIVE,
WHICH WOULD BE IN ABOUT...Copy !req
109. ONE HOUR.Copy !req
110. "INSURANCE IS A SIDE BET
WHEN YOU WAGER HALFCopy !req
111. "OF YOUR ORIGINAL BET
BECAUSE YOU BELIEVE THE DEALERCopy !req
112. HAS A 10 IN THE HOLE."Copy !req
113. - GET OFF MY CAR, WOMAN!
- 20 MINUTES!Copy !req
114. THE DEALER REALLY HAS
AN ADVANTAGE.Copy !req
115. THAT'S WHAT I GET THE MOST
FROM THIS.Copy !req
116. HEY, RON.Copy !req
117. - MORNING, LESLIE.
DID YOU HAVE A GOOD NIGHT?Copy !req
118. - I DID. I WATCHED
A REALLY GOOD DOCU—Copy !req
119. WHAT IS THAT?Copy !req
120. - THIS IS WHAT I DID
LAST NIGHT.Copy !req
121. AFTER I GOT HOME,Copy !req
122. I DRANK SIX MORE GLASSES
OF WHISKEYCopy !req
123. AND THEN I FINISHED CRAFTING
THIS SMALL HARPCopy !req
124. USING A BAND SAW,
A SPOKESHAVE,Copy !req
125. AND AN OSCILLATING
SPINDLE SANDER.Copy !req
126. - BEAUTIFUL.
- BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE.Copy !req
127. HERE ARE SOME PHOTOGRAPHS
OF ME DRINKING THE WHISKEY.Copy !req
128. YOU'LL NOTICE I'M HOLDING UP
YESTERDAY'S NEWSPAPERCopy !req
129. SO YOU CAN TELL
THAT I'M NOT LYING.Copy !req
130. - MM. I FEEL
LIKE I'M IN A SPA.Copy !req
131. - SO I GOT MY TRUCK
ALL CLEANED OUTCopy !req
132. AND READY TO GO
FOR TOMORROW.Copy !req
133. DO YOU HAVE, LIKE,
FURNITURE PADS AND, UH, DOLLIES,Copy !req
134. THAT SORT OF THING?Copy !req
135. - OOH. I THOUGHT THE MOVER
SUPPLIED THOSE.Copy !req
136. - I'M NOT A MOVER.
I'M A SAP WHO OWNS A TRUCK.Copy !req
137. - DON'T TALK ABOUT YOURSELF
LIKE THAT.Copy !req
138. AND BRING SOME COFFEE.
- HEY, ARE YOU MOVING OUT?Copy !req
139. HAVE YOU TOLD WENDY
HOW YOU FEEL YET?Copy !req
140. - UH, WAITING
FOR THE RIGHT TIME.Copy !req
141. - IT'S RIGHT NOW.
THE TIME IS NOW.Copy !req
142. - JUST DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
I'M FINE.Copy !req
143. - HMM.
- WHAT'S THAT OVER THERE?Copy !req
144. - MM.
- HOLY COW.Copy !req
145. - MM.
- MAN.Copy !req
146. - WOW.
- THAT IS GOOD STUFF.Copy !req
147. - GREAT, RIGHT?
- OH, MY GOD.Copy !req
148. THEY'RE AMAZING.
- THEY'RE MORE THAN AMAZING.Copy !req
149. THEY ARE TERRIFIC.Copy !req
150. - TERRIFIC'S NOT MORE
THAN AMAZING, JERRY.Copy !req
151. - NO?
WELL, IT'S NOT LESS.Copy !req
152. - EVERYTHING SWEETUMS MAKES
IS OFF THE CHARTS.Copy !req
153. I LIKE THEIR CANDY
FINGERNAILS.Copy !req
154. - I CAN'T BELIEVE
THESE THINGS ARE HEALTHY.Copy !req
155. - MM.
- WELL, IT'S NOT THAT CRAZY.Copy !req
156. KRACKEL BAR IS ALSO HEALTHY
AND DELICIOUS.Copy !req
157. - NO, THEY'RE NOT.
- YEAH.Copy !req
158. THEY—THEY ACTUALLY HAVE RICE
IN THEM, SO...Copy !req
159. - MM, ANDY, YOU'RE FINE,
BUT YOU'RE SIMPLE.Copy !req
160. - WHO JUST PUT 100 OF THESE
IN THEIR BODY?Copy !req
161. - ANNNNNNN!
OH! LOOK AT YOU!Copy !req
162. YOU'RE LOOKING PRETTY
UNHEALTHY TODAY.Copy !req
163. YOU MIGHT NEED
ONE OF THESE.Copy !req
164. NUTRIYUM BY SWEETUMS.Copy !req
165. - I LOVE THAT SONG.
- OW!Copy !req
166. - I GOT TO GO CHECK
MY EMAIL.Copy !req
167. - WE'RE GONNA SELL THESE
IN THE PARK NOW.Copy !req
168. - THEY'RE HEALTHY.
- HOLY GOD.Copy !req
169. NO, THEY'RE NOT.
THEY'RE TERRIBLE FOR YOU.Copy !req
170. - NO, THEY'RE NOT.Copy !req
171. THERE'S A PICTURE
OF LANCE ARMSTRONG ON THERE.Copy !req
172. - YEAH, BUT LOOK
AT THE INGREDIENTS.Copy !req
173. HIGH-FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP,
CORN SYRUP—Copy !req
174. - THERE'S ONLY 8 GRAMS OF FAT.
- YEAH. PER SERVING.Copy !req
175. A BAR IS FOUR SERVINGS.Copy !req
176. - WELL, PEOPLE SEEM
TO ENJOY THEM.Copy !req
177. LOOK HOW HAPPY
EVERYBODY IS.Copy !req
178. - YEAH,
THAT'S A SUGAR RUSH.Copy !req
179. - YEAH.
- YEAH.Copy !req
180. - THAT MAKES SENSE.Copy !req
181. - THEY'RE GONNA CRASH SOONCopy !req
182. AND IT'S NOT
GONNA BE PRETTY.Copy !req
183. - YEAH, I'M GONNA CRASH
SOON TOOCopy !req
184. 'CAUSE I'VE EATEN, LIKE,
40 OF THESE.Copy !req
185. - OH, GOD.Copy !req
186. GENERALLY, I LIKE TO STAY OUT
OF OTHER PEOPLE'S BUSINESS.Copy !req
187. BUT PAWNEE IS THE FOURTH MOST
OBESE CITY IN AMERICA.Copy !req
188. THE KIDS HERE ARE BEEFY.Copy !req
189. THEY'RE JUST HUSKY, BIG-BONED,
PLUS-SIZED CHUNK MONSTERS.Copy !req
190. I CALL 'EM LIKE I SEE 'EM.Copy !req
191. - LESLIE.
- YEAH.Copy !req
192. - LET'S GET SOME ALMONDS
IN YOU, OKAY?Copy !req
193. - OKAY.
- CAN—Copy !req
194. - I CAN'T OPEN THEM.Copy !req
195. - OH! BACK TO WORK.Copy !req
196. I HATE IT HERE.
THIS PLACE IS EVIL.Copy !req
197. - I THINK THESE
ARE THE ONLY TWO FILMSCopy !req
198. THAT SAY "SWEETUMS"
ON THE LABEL.Copy !req
199. - YEAH, WELL, LET'S TAKE
THEM BOTH.Copy !req
200. WE MIGHT FIND SOMETHING
INTERESTING.Copy !req
201. HERE. JUST—I'LL STICK THEM
UNDER MY SHIRT.Copy !req
202. WE'LL JUST WALK OUT.
- THEY HAVE SENSORS.Copy !req
203. JUST CHECK THEM OUT.
IT'S FREE.Copy !req
204. - HI, MARCI.
- LESLIE.Copy !req
205. ARE THEY FINALLY TEACHING
YOU PARKS PEOPLE HOW TO READ?Copy !req
206. HA. OH, I GUESS NOT.
IT'S A MOVIE.Copy !req
207. - YOU'RE PRETTY COCKY
FOR SOMEONE WHOSE JOBCopy !req
208. IS OBSOLETE
BECAUSE OF THE INTERNET.Copy !req
209. LET'S SEE.Copy !req
210. HMM. YOU SEEM TO HAVE A $40
LATE FEE ON A BOOK CALLEDCopy !req
211. MYSTERIES
OF THE FEMALE ORGASM!Copy !req
212. - NO, I DON'T!
- YEAH, YOU DO.Copy !req
213. - ANN, GRAB THE MOVIE.
GO! GO! GO! GO!Copy !req
214. PUNK ASS BOOK JOCKEYS!Copy !req
215. - SO YOU GUYS ALL GOODCopy !req
216. WITH, UH, SWEETUMS' CONCESSION
STAND DEAL?Copy !req
217. I CAN GO AHEAD AND SIGN OFF
ON IT?Copy !req
218. - YOU BET YA.
- ACTUALLY, NO. NO.Copy !req
219. WE ARE WORRIED
THAT THE ENERGY BARSCopy !req
220. THAT THEY'RE GONNA SELL
ARE GROSSLY UNHEALTHYCopy !req
221. AND THEY'RE MISLEADING PEOPLE
ABOUT WHAT'S ACTUALLY IN THEM.Copy !req
222. - NO. WE'RE NOT WORRIED
ABOUT THAT.Copy !req
223. WE'RE FINE
AND WE SIGN OFF.Copy !req
224. - PAUL, CAN I HAVE A SIDEBAR
WITH RON?Copy !req
225. - I GUESS.
- SIDEBAR, RON.Copy !req
226. I DID SOME RESEARCH
AND NUTRIYUMSCopy !req
227. ARE TERRIBLE FOR YOU.Copy !req
228. - I DON'T CARE.
WE'RE DOING IT.Copy !req
229. - NAH—TA—PLEE—BUH-HUH—
WE'RE IN A SIDEBAR.Copy !req
230. UH, DO YOU NOT CARE
ABOUT YOUR CITY'S HEALTH?Copy !req
231. - I CARE
ABOUT THE PEOPLE'S RIGHTCopy !req
232. TO CONSUME
WHATEVER THEY WANT.Copy !req
233. - PAUL, CAN YOU AND I
HAVE A SIDEBAR?Copy !req
234. - NO.Copy !req
235. - OKAY, I THINK MAYBE
WE SHOULD HOLD A PUBLIC FORUM.Copy !req
236. THAT WAY WE WON'T
BE LIABLE.Copy !req
237. - THERE'S NO POINT.
IT'S A HOME RUN FOR THE CITY.Copy !req
238. - NO, I THINK SHE'S RIGHT.Copy !req
239. IT'S A GOOD
"COVER OUR ASS" MOVE.Copy !req
240. LET'S DO IT.
- PAUL.Copy !req
241. LESLIE, WHY MUST YOU STICK
YOUR NOSECopy !req
242. INTO EVERYONE ELSE'S
BUSINESS?Copy !req
243. - SIDEBAR, PAUL.Copy !req
244. RON'S UPSET BECAUSE I DIDN'T
LET HIM DRIVE LAST NIGHT.Copy !req
245. - STOP SIDEBARING.Copy !req
246. - SOMEBODY'S GROUCHY.Copy !req
247. - YOU SAID IT WAS JUST
ODDS AND ENDS.Copy !req
248. - IT IS. YEAH.
AND SOME FURNITURE.Copy !req
249. AND—AND THE PLASMA TV.Copy !req
250. - YOU HAVEN'T EVEN FOLDED UP
THE BOXES YET.Copy !req
251. - DUDE, DEEP BLUE SEA.
GREATEST MOVIE EVER MADE.Copy !req
252. - THAT'S THE CANADIAN VERSION.
22 EXTRA MINUTES.Copy !req
253. AND THERE'S A BONUS
AUDIO TRACKCopy !req
254. WHERE LL COOL J RAPS
ALL HIS DIALOGUE.Copy !req
255. - WHAT? WE'RE WATCHING THIS
RIGHT NOW.Copy !req
256. - NO, NO, NO.
- POP IT IN.Copy !req
257. - WE SHOULD REALLY PACK
THIS ROOM UP AND GET MOVING.Copy !req
258. - SO THIS IS A REALLY BIG ROOM
I NEED PACKED UP, GUYS.Copy !req
259. - THIS IS YOUR BEDROOM?Copy !req
260. - NO. IT'S A SPARE ROOM
I CONVERTEDCopy !req
261. INTO A WALK-IN CLOSET/
HOME FITNESS CENTER.Copy !req
262. - WHAT IS THAT?Copy !req
263. - OH. I STRAPPED
AN MP3 PLAYERCopy !req
264. TO ONE OF THOSE
FLOOR-CLEANING ROBOTS.Copy !req
265. I CALL HIM DJ ROOMBA.Copy !req
266. LITTLE GUY CRUISES AROUND
AND PLAYS MUSIC.Copy !req
267. WHAT'S HOT, DJ ROOMBA?Copy !req
268. DJ ROOMBA, TEARING IT UP!Copy !req
269. - HE LIKES ME.Copy !req
270. - LET'S DANCE FOR A LITTLE
WHILE, MARK. WHAT—?Copy !req
271. - NUTRIYUMS ENERGY BARS
ARE JUST ABSOLUTELY LOADEDCopy !req
272. WITH HIGH-FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP
AND FATTY OILS.Copy !req
273. AND ANY WAY YOU SLICE IT,Copy !req
274. THEY'RE JUST EXTREMELY UNHEALTHY
FOR YOU.Copy !req
275. - LESLIE NEEDS TO BUTT OUT.Copy !req
276. THE WHOLE POINT
OF THIS COUNTRYCopy !req
277. IS IF YOU WANT TO EAT GARBAGE,
BALLOON UP TO 600 POUNDS,Copy !req
278. AND DIE OF A HEART ATTACK
AT 43, YOU CAN.Copy !req
279. YOU ARE FREE TO DO SO.
TO ME, THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.Copy !req
280. ANY QUESTIONS?Copy !req
281. - I—IF SUGAR'S SO BAD,Copy !req
282. HOW COME JESUS MADE IT TASTE
SO GOOD?Copy !req
283. - UH... YES.Copy !req
284. - BUT ISN'T ALL FOOD
BAD FOR YOU?Copy !req
285. I'VE BEEN EATING
LASAGNA AND MUFFINSCopy !req
286. EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE
FOR 40 YEARSCopy !req
287. AND I FEEL TERRIBLE.Copy !req
288. - RIGHT.Copy !req
289. - WHAT'S SO BAD
ABOUT CORN SYRUP?Copy !req
290. IT'S NATURAL.
CORN'S A FRUIT.Copy !req
291. SYRUP COMES FROM A BUSH.Copy !req
292. - OH, BOY.Copy !req
293. - HOW DO WE KNOW
YOU'RE REALLY A NURSE?Copy !req
294. - I AM. I PROMISE.
I WORK AT ST. JOE'S.Copy !req
295. - WELL, THE POINT IS MY FRIEND
THINKS YOU'RE CUTE.Copy !req
296. GIVE ME YOUR NUMBER
SO HE CAN HAVE IT.Copy !req
297. - YEAH.
THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN.Copy !req
298. - CAN I HAVE YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS?
I JUST GOT ON AOL.Copy !req
299. - OH, MY GOD. NO.Copy !req
300. - I THINK WE OUGHT TO THROW
THOSE BARS OUTCopy !req
301. AND EAT HAM AND MAYONNAISE
SANDWICHES.Copy !req
302. - THAT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA.
- HAM AND MAYONNAISE!Copy !req
303. - IT'S NOT—
- HAM AND MAYONNAISE!Copy !req
304. - NO, NO, NO.Copy !req
305. - OH, GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU DO THIS EVERY WEEK.Copy !req
306. - I'M ACTUALLY ENCOURAGED.Copy !req
307. THE QUESTIONS WERE MORE RELEVANT
THAN USUAL.Copy !req
308. - YEAH, I NEED TO ORDER
THE BROWN TIMBERLANDSCopy !req
309. IN A SIZE 8, NARROW.Copy !req
310. HOW MUCH IS THE NEXT-DAY
SHIPPING?Copy !req
311. I DON'T—
WHAT'S TWO-DAY SHIPPING?Copy !req
312. YEAH, I'D LIKE TO PLACE AN ORDER
FOR ONE PAD THAI, CHICKEN.Copy !req
313. AND, UH, NO SCALLIONS ON IT,
PLEASE.Copy !req
314. JUST FOR ONE PERSON.
YEAH, JUST ONE.Copy !req
315. MAN, I SAW MARK CARRYING,
LIKE, THREE BOXES.Copy !req
316. THAT DUDE IS STRONG.Copy !req
317. - WHATEVER.
I'LL CARRY FIVE BOXES.Copy !req
318. - GO GET 'EM, CHAMP.Copy !req
319. - OKAY, DONNA, WHERE DO YOU
WANT THIS?Copy !req
320. - UH-UH, THAT'S IT.Copy !req
321. MY BABY HAS A DELICATE
SUSPENSION.Copy !req
322. - ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
- NO, I'M NOT. MOVE.Copy !req
323. - PUT IT IN YOUR TRUCK,
BRENDANAWICZ.Copy !req
324. THERE'S PLENTY OF ROOM.Copy !req
325. - HEY! EE! AH!
MY POCKET SQUARES!Copy !req
326. - SORRY, SHOELACE,Copy !req
327. WE DON'T MAKE NUTRIYUMS
FOR DOGS... YET.Copy !req
328. - NUTRIYUMS,
WHERE NUTRITIOUS MEETS TASTY.Copy !req
329. BY SWEETUMS.Copy !req
330. - I GUESS THAT ABOUT SAYS
IT ALL.Copy !req
331. - NO, IT DOESN'T, ACTUALLY.Copy !req
332. I THINK WE SHOULD WATCH
ANOTHER VIDEO RIGHT NOW.Copy !req
333. ONE THAT YOUR COMPANY MADE
30 YEARS AGO.Copy !req
334. - I'M NICK NEWPORT,
PRESIDENT OF SWEETUMS,Copy !req
335. GIVING YOU A LOOK INSIDE
OUR CORN SYRUP FACTORY.Copy !req
336. THIS IS ALL-NEW HIGH-FRUCTOSE
CORN SYRUP,Copy !req
337. A MIRACLE PRODUCT
THAT'S SWEETER THAN SUGAR,Copy !req
338. BUT CHEAPER TO PRODUCE.Copy !req
339. CHEAP, DELICIOUS,
SUGARY CORNCopy !req
340. IS CURRENTLY BEING USED
BY FARMSCopy !req
341. TO FATTEN UP THEIR COWS
AND PIGS.Copy !req
342. LOOK HOW FAT THOSE COWS ARE!Copy !req
343. FAT, HAPPY, AND DOCILE.Copy !req
344. THE WAY WE LIKE 'EM.Copy !req
345. SO YOU STILL WANT TO CLAIM
THAT CORN SYRUP IS HEALTHY?Copy !req
346. - CORN SYRUP IS NATURAL
AND IT'S FINE IN MODERATION.Copy !req
347. BUT DON'T TAKE MY WORD
FOR IT.Copy !req
348. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
MR. NICK NEWPORT, JR.!Copy !req
349. - HEY, GUY.
HEY, HOW YOU DOING?Copy !req
350. HOW YOU DOING?
- YEAH. YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.Copy !req
351. - MY KIDS,
DENVER AND DAKOTA!Copy !req
352. - AH!Copy !req
353. - I JUST WANT TO GET A—
AH, THAT'S GOOD HOSE WATER.Copy !req
354. - HEY.
- DON'T GET MY SHOES.Copy !req
355. HEY, WHAT'S UP, GUYS.
YOU COME TO HELP TOM MOVE TOO?Copy !req
356. TOO LATE! WE ALREADY
ALMOST GOT ALL OF IT.Copy !req
357. - NO. WE JUST THOUGHT
IT'D BE FUNNYCopy !req
358. TO SEE APRIL
DOING PHYSICAL LABOR.Copy !req
359. - AH.Copy !req
360. IT'S BEEN AN AWESOME
MOVING DAY.Copy !req
361. I GOT THE LITTLE ROBOT
TO PLAY DAVE MATTHEWS.Copy !req
362. - WHAT'S HE TALKING ABOUT?
- DJ ROOMBA.Copy !req
363. - WHAT?
- ALL RIGHT.Copy !req
364. BACK TO THE GRINDSTONE.Copy !req
365. AWESOME SEEING YOU, DUDES.
- SEE YA.Copy !req
366. - LATER, BRO.
- HA HA!Copy !req
367. - HI.
- HI.Copy !req
368. - GOD, THIS IS SO WEIRD.
IT'S LIKE, END OF AN ERA, HUH?Copy !req
369. IT'S KINDA SAD.Copy !req
370. - EH, WE'LL STILL BE FRIENDS.
- YEAH.Copy !req
371. WELL, HEY, YOU GUYS
MUST BE STARVING.Copy !req
372. YOU WANT ME TO ORDER YOU A PIZZA
OR SOMETHING?Copy !req
373. - OH, THAT'D BE GREAT. YEAH.
- OKAY.Copy !req
374. - WHY DON'T YOU GET
SOME CANADIAN BACON ON ITCopy !req
375. SINCE YOU'RE FROM CANADA...
- MM-HMM.Copy !req
376. - AND SAUSAGE
'CAUSE I AM BROWN AND SPICY.Copy !req
377. - OKAY.
ALL RIGHT.Copy !req
378. WELL, I WILL, UM, SEE YOU
AROUND, I GUESS, RIGHT?Copy !req
379. - YEAH. I'M AROUND.
- I'LL SEE YOU AROUND.Copy !req
380. - BYE.Copy !req
381. - BYE.Copy !req
382. - WOW. MR. NEWPORT, JR.,
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING.Copy !req
383. BUT DON'T YOU THINK
THAT EVERY PERSONCopy !req
384. HAS THE RIGHT TO KNOW
WHAT THEY'RE PUTTINGCopy !req
385. IN THEIR BODIES?Copy !req
386. RIGHT, EVERYBODY?
- IS SHOELACE HERE?Copy !req
387. WHERE'S SHOELACE?Copy !req
388. - SHOELACE COULDN'T MAKE IT.Copy !req
389. BUT I DO AGREE
WITH THIS NICE LADY.Copy !req
390. THAT'S WHY I SAY WE SHOULD LET
THE PEOPLE BE THE JUDGE.Copy !req
391. DENVER.Copy !req
392. - EVERYBODY, CHECK UNDER
YOUR SEATS!Copy !req
393. - DENVER, YOU LITTLE SON
OF A BITCH.Copy !req
394. - MM.Copy !req
395. THERE'S NO PIZZA LEFT?
- SORRY, JER. TOO SLOW.Copy !req
396. - YOU WANT MY CRUSTS?
HERE. TAKE THIS.Copy !req
397. - NOBODY EVEN TOLD ME
THE PIZZA WAS HERE.Copy !req
398. - JERRY! YOU STEPPED
ON DJ ROOMBA!Copy !req
399. AGH!
- THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT.Copy !req
400. - YOU KILLED HIM.
I BUILT HIM MYSELF.Copy !req
401. HE WAS LIKE A SON TO ME.Copy !req
402. - OKAY. TIME TO VOTE.Copy !req
403. ALL THOSE WHO WOULD LIKE
THE BLOATED CORPSECopy !req
404. OF THE GOVERNMENT
TO KEEP RUNNINGCopy !req
405. THE SNACK BARS
AT TAXPAYER EXPENSE,Copy !req
406. RAISE YOUR HANDS.Copy !req
407. - THAT SEEMS LIKE AN UNFAIR
PHRASING.Copy !req
408. AND ALL THOSE IN FAVORCopy !req
409. OF LETTING THIS HEARTLESS
CORPORATION, SWEETUMS,Copy !req
410. STUFF YOUR CHILDREN
WITH SUGARY CRAP,Copy !req
411. RAISE YOUR HAND.Copy !req
412. THANK YOU, EVERYBODY.Copy !req
413. - UGH.
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.Copy !req
414. - YOU KNOW WHAT,
WE DID OUR JOB.Copy !req
415. WE INFORMED THE PUBLIC.
THAT'S ALL WE CAN DO.Copy !req
416. - I'M SORRY, MAN,
THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO.Copy !req
417. - ARE YOU SERIOUS?Copy !req
418. - LOOK, WE'LL GET IT FIXED
AND I'LL SEE YOU MONDAY.Copy !req
419. - I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE
WITH MY NEW LANDLORD.Copy !req
420. APPARENTLY THERE'S BEEN
SOME SORT OF GAS LEAKCopy !req
421. AND I CAN'T MOVE INTO MY PLACE
UNTIL MONDAY NOW.Copy !req
422. - ARE YOU TELLING US
WE HAVE TO UNLOAD THISCopy !req
423. AND MOVE IT BACK
IN THE HOUSE?Copy !req
424. - NO. I CAN'T PUT IT THERE.Copy !req
425. I PROMISED WENDY
I'D BE OUT OF HERE TONIGHT.Copy !req
426. UM... I GOT IT!Copy !req
427. EVERYBODY GO HOME.Copy !req
428. PACK AWAY MY STUFF
IN YOUR OWN HOUSES.Copy !req
429. THEN ON MONDAY,
PACK IT BACK UP,Copy !req
430. MEET ME AT MY NEW PLACE,
UNLOAD IT THERE.Copy !req
431. COME ON, GUYS.Copy !req
432. - SEE YA, TOM.
- BYE.Copy !req
433. - LATER.Copy !req
434. - HEY, BRO, WANT TO GO GET
OUR GRUB ON?Copy !req
435. - TOTES, BRA.
WINGS AND BREWS.Copy !req
436. - WHY ARE YOU GUYS TALKING
LIKE THAT?Copy !req
437. - JUST CHILLAXIN'
LIKE YOUR NEW BRO ANDY.Copy !req
438. - YEAH. WANT TO PLAY
SOME HACKY SACK LATER?Copy !req
439. MAYBE, UH, LISTEN
TO BLUES TRAVELER?Copy !req
440. - OKAY. I'M LEAVING.
- WE'RE JUST KIDDING.Copy !req
441. LET'S GO TO DINNER.
- I'M NOT HUNGRY.Copy !req
442. AND YOU GUYS
AREN'T BEING FUNNY.Copy !req
443. - WHY ARE YOU BEING WEIRD?Copy !req
444. WE MAKE FUN OF PEOPLE
LIKE THAT.Copy !req
445. THAT'S WHAT WE DO.Copy !req
446. - YOU KNOW, FOR A GAY COUPLE,
YOU GUYS ARE BEING REALLY GAY.Copy !req
447. - I SAID
"OF COURSE I REMEMBER YOU.Copy !req
448. YOU'RE CHASTITY, RIGHT?"Copy !req
449. - LESLIE. EVEN THOUGH
I DIDN'T INVITE YOU,Copy !req
450. YOU CAME HERE ANYWAY.Copy !req
451. I-I RESPECT THAT
BECAUSE YOU MADE A CHOICECopy !req
452. AS A FREE AMERICAN.Copy !req
453. - WHAT ARE YOU EATING?Copy !req
454. - I CALL THIS
"TURF AND TURF."Copy !req
455. IT'S A 16-OUNCE T-BONECopy !req
456. AND A 24-OUNCE PORTERHOUSE.Copy !req
457. ALSO WHISKEY AND A CIGAR.Copy !req
458. I'M GONNA CONSUME
ALL OF THIS AT THE SAME TIMECopy !req
459. BECAUSE I AM
A FREE AMERICAN.Copy !req
460. - NO CIGARS INSIDE, SIR.
- FINE.Copy !req
461. I WILL SMOKE
THE ENTIRE THING OUTSIDE.Copy !req
462. EVEN THOUGH IT IS BAD FOR ME,
I AM GOING TO DO IT.Copy !req
463. - WHY IS HE BEING
SUCH AN ASS?Copy !req
464. - OH, IT'S A LONG STORY.
- YAAH!Copy !req
465. IT'S FREEZING OUTSIDE.Copy !req
466. SO I WILL NOT BE SMOKING
THIS CIGAR.Copy !req
467. BUT REST ASSURED, I COULD
IF I WANTED TO BECAUSE THIS—Copy !req
468. - THIS IS AMERICA, RIGHT?
IS IT?Copy !req
469. MAY I SPEAK WITH YOU,
PLEASE?Copy !req
470. LOOK, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE
BEING A JERK ON PURPOSECopy !req
471. JUST TO PROVE YOU HAVE THE RIGHT
TO BE A JERK,Copy !req
472. BUT EITHER WAY,
YOU'RE BEING A JERK.Copy !req
473. SO HERE,
TAKE THE BOOZE CHART.Copy !req
474. - YOU KIDDING ME?
- NO.Copy !req
475. IF YOU'RE GONNA DRINK,
YOU SHOULD USE IT, OKAY?Copy !req
476. I'M GONNA HEAD OUT.Copy !req
477. BY THE WAY,
MAYBE IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS,Copy !req
478. BUT IF YOU EAT THREE POUNDS
OF STEAK EVERY DAY,Copy !req
479. YOU'RE GONNA DIE.Copy !req
480. AND ALTHOUGH I'VE ALREADY
WRITTEN YOUR EULOGY,Copy !req
481. AND IT'S INCREDIBLY
TOUCHING,Copy !req
482. I WOULD PREFER NOT TO GIVE IT
FOR A WHILE.Copy !req
483. THE FIRST LINE,
BY THE WAY,Copy !req
484. "O CAPTAIN! MY CAPTAIN!
RON SWANSON, A SWAN SONG."Copy !req
485. YEAH. AND IT GETS BETTER
FROM THERE!Copy !req
486. - APRIL. APRIL.Copy !req
487. YOU WANT TO WATCH ME
ROLLERBLADECopy !req
488. IN THE PARKING LOT
AFTER WORK?Copy !req
489. I'M PRETTY AWESOME.
I USED TO BE REALLY GOOD.Copy !req
490. THAT WAS, LIKE,
70 POUNDS AGO.Copy !req
491. - I CAN'T.
I'M KIND OF BUSY.Copy !req
492. - AW, THAT'S LAME.
TOMORROW.Copy !req
493. - MAYBE. I DON'T KNOW.Copy !req
494. - OKAY. BYE.Copy !req
495. AH, AH, AH, AH, AH!Copy !req
496. JUST KIDDING.
I DON'T FALL. HEE-HEE.Copy !req
497. - I, UH...Copy !req
498. WHAT ARE YOU EATING?Copy !req
499. - I DIDN'T HAVE TIME
TO HAVE BREAKFAST.Copy !req
500. - I'M GONNA TOSS THESE
IN THE DUMPSTER OUTSIDECopy !req
501. AND I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU
DIGGING AROUND IN THERE LATER.Copy !req
502. I AM SORRY.
I HAVE BEEN A HORSE'S ASS.Copy !req
503. AND...Copy !req
504. THAT IS THE END
OF WHAT I HAVE TO SAY.Copy !req
505. - APOLOGY ACCEPTED.Copy !req
506. PUT A COAT ON,
IT'S FREEZING OUTSIDE.Copy !req
507. JERRY.Copy !req
508. JERRY!Copy !req
509. THIS IS THE GHOST
OF DJ ROOMBA.Copy !req
510. WHY DID YOU KILL ME?Copy !req
511. I'M GONNA HAUNT YOU, JERRY.Copy !req
512. I'M GONNA FOLLOW YOU
AND PLAY THE BLACK EYED PEASCopy !req
513. ON A NONSTOP LOOP.Copy !req