1. "Catfight Club."
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2. Siblings.
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3. They don't always look the same.
They don't always act the same,
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4. and they certainly
don't always have
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5. the same taste
in the opposite sex.
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6. Or the same sex, depending.
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7. Friends are the
family you choose.
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8. Siblings are the strangers
with whom you live.
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9. Understandably, they tend to
argue over insignificancies.
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10. The closer they get,
the more they clash.
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11. It is the way of things.
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12. At least until they
grow up, that is.
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13. Shit!
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14. Goddamnit!
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15. Not here! Not here!
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16. Not here!
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17. No!
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18. My hangover is saying
you're too fucking loud.
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19. I mean, unless you're
like missing your period.
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20. That would suck.
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21. My pudding is gone, you twat!
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22. Pudding!
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23. It's special ordered from Heaven
and has a 500-year waiting list!
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24. Damn it!
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25. That pudding is legendary!
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26. And?
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27. Oh my God, you
ate it, didn't you?
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28. Ahouwoh...
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29. Don't "ahouwoh" me!
It was either you or Chuck!
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30. Uh, why would you
just assume it was me?
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31. What?
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32. I'm not assuming;
I know it was you.
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33. Oh, wait, you're talking
about pudding, right?
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34. Yeah, I guess I did eat that;
but it was disgusting.
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35. Sugary as shit.
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36. Motherbitch, I knew it!
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37. It's pudding, Panty!
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38. You knew it was gonna be sweet!
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39. What the crap?
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40. Okay, you need to relax, chica.
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41. It's called pudding,
not the end of the world.
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42. Jesus!
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43. You always have to fuck up
everything, don't you?
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44. This is my room!
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45. Yours looks like a
hoarder's asshole exploded.
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46. Look at your toilet!
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47. Look at your bathtub!
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48. Look at what you put
in your mouth,
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49. and I'm not just
talking about dick!
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50. You're nothing but a
filthy ho-baggin' thief!
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51. Remember that time
when I told you to relax?
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52. You need some
inner fucking peace.
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53. I do not understand how
I could ever be related to you.
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54. Try these.
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55. I'll let you steal
some of my food
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56. if that'll make you
feel better, we cool?
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57. Look, hooker, I'm trying
to be fucking nice here.
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58. You know I don't
like spicy food!
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59. You do realize that if you
only ever eat sweet shit,
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60. you're gonna end up
a Fatty McFatterson.
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61. Whatever.
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62. Here's a newsflash,
Flatty McFlatterson.
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63. All the weight I gain
goes straight to my boobs,
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64. and I am okay with that.
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65. Yeah, and your nipples are
the size of dinner plates.
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66. Mine are small, fierce, and,
oh God, are they sensitive.
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67. Like guys freak out
over your titters.
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68. I say titters because
your boobs are so small
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69. they actually make me laugh.
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70. It's cool.
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71. Your tits keep you from looking
like a little girl; I get it.
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72. Then when he gives you candy,
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73. you won't feel like you're
hooking up with a pedophile.
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74. You mean like that
idiotic muscle head,
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75. piece of shit you keep
on the back burner?
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76. Oh, by the way, I diddled him.
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77. I diddled him, real hard.
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78. And he said I was the
best fuck he had ever had.
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79. Way better than you.
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80. Not that he should procreate.
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81. But I would totally
have his abortion.
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82. Well, I fucked that masochist
freak you like so much!
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83. He was tiny and awful,
so heads up, Buttercup.
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84. His fat ass was all jiggly,
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85. just like your fancy
pudding and giant skin sacks.
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86. Keep your mouth off my things!
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87. Likewise, bitch!
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88. Hey, Panty, how's
it goin' and all that;
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89. I hope I'm not
bothering you two.
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90. Your father here was nice
enough to show me the scenic way
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91. to your room through his
bedroom, which was lovely.
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92. He is a very
affectionate large man.
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93. Now don't forget.
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94. I'm single and looking
for some mingling.
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95. Angels!
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96. Another mandate has arrived!
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97. Get your lazy asses to
the scene immediately.
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98. All right,
this the part where
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99. you're supposed to
get the fuck up!
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100. No way.
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101. Yeah, that's not
gonna happen, Garter.
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102. Agh! Holy shit! What now?
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103. Sonofabitch!
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104. You heard what I said!
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105. I'm not going anywhere with that
goddamn, waste of space whore!
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106. Who the fuck are
you calling a whore?
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107. Hey, fuck off, cunt bag!
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108. I'm so fucking over you!
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109. Quit copying me!
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110. Come on, Chuck; we're leaving.
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111. We don't need that slutty
ass heap of trash anyway.
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112. Yeah, well, that's
fine by me, sugar tits.
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113. I don't need you
either, and besides,
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114. I would rather hang out
with Geek Boy here
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115. than you any day
of the fucking week!
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116. Don't fuck with me, asshole.
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117. Don't fuck with me, asshole.
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118. Uh, hey, were you being serious?
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119. Do you really wanna
hang out with me?
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120. Huh?
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121. Who the fuck is this dork?
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122. First things first:
we gotta have a new title.
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123. I think we should go with
something like Panty and Virgin.
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124. Yeah, but my name
is actually Brief.
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125. No, that's way too obvious.
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126. How about Panty and Foreskin?
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127. That's an awful word,
no thank you!
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128. Oh, I know! Panty and Smegma.
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129. You're messing with me
on purpose, aren't you?
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130. She is such a
selfish little hag.
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131. I mean, who the hell eats stuff
with someone else's name on it?
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132. Talk about rude.
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133. Seriously.
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134. She doesn't give a shit
about anything
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135. other than
filling her cock coozie.
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136. I cannot believe
she fucking drove off
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137. with See Through like that.
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138. Um, Panty?
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139. Don't you think you
should go with her, maybe?
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140. I mean she's all by herself;
anything could happen to her.
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141. Oh, God! No! Please don't!
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142. Please don't what, asswipe?
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143. Fuckin' A!
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144. We have arrived.
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145. Hey, Garter.
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146. I'm at the scene now.
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147. Perfect.
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148. I've just identified the bastard
ghost you're looking for.
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149. Be careful; this one's tricky.
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150. It uses girls to—
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151. Listen, hooch.
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152. If you apologize,
I might come out there
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153. and help you not make
a giant fail of yourself.
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154. That bitch!
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155. Bitch! Fucking bitch!
Fucking bitch!
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156. Fucking bitch! Fucking bitch!
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157. Help! Somebody!
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158. A wolf is trying to attack me!
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159. Oh, please help!
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160. There's a mean wolf
trying to attack me,
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161. and I think
it might be evil!
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162. I wonder if that's what
Garter was trying to say
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163. about girls
before he got cut off.
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164. That has to be it! I bet
there's a big bad wolf
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165. attacking poor,
frightened girls.
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166. Where is this jack off, sweetie?
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167. He's right down there!
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168. Follow me!
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169. He's not too far ahead!
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170. I'm right behind you!
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171. I can solve
this case on my own;
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172. I don't need that
drunken blowjob!
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173. Oh no! It's him!
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174. Get ready, dick munch.
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175. You're dealing with the
awesomazing Stocking now,
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176. so start saying your
goddamn prayers!
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177. Aren't you one of
those damn
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178. Panty and Stocking
Anarchy sisters?
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179. What the hell do
you want with us?
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180. Who's 'us'?
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181. Darling, he's speaking
of himself and me;
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182. we share one mind
and one body.
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183. We're the same ghost.
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184. That's right! I lure
in the pervy men,
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185. and he scams 'em
outta their money!
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186. We are huge fans of money!
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187. Who still falls
for that bullshit?
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188. Hold on, what did
Garter's clue say?
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189. God mother damn it!
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190. Rope was being literal!
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191. Heave the ho! Heave the ho!
Heave the ho! Heave the ho!
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192. I can't breathe.
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193. God, I'm starting
to get into this.
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194. Why don't you goblins yank
that rope like you mean...
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195. Looks like we've caught
us one nympho angel!
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196. Get ready to die, dear!
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197. Quit your cryin' Geek Boy.
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198. We've got asshole
ghosts to kill!
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199. Bitches, I don't have time
for all this motherfuckery!
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200. Why the prick did
you have to show up?
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201. I was enjoying myself!
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202. Aw. The sisters are
reunited at long last!
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203. Now you two can die together!
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204. Will you stop it
with this random
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205. hissy fit bullshit already?
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206. Will you stop it with this
random selfish bullshit?
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207. And here I thought all
the shit would have been
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208. fucked out of you by now.
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209. Why'nchu say that again!
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210. "That again," Whoreopolis!
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211. It's impolite to chat when
I'm trying to fucking kill you!
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212. Here I come!
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213. You shot at me.
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214. Wow.
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215. I am so sorry about that.
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216. My gun must've slipped.
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217. Jesus!
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218. You are such a heartless whore!
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219. Suck on this.
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220. Oh, wow.
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221. I'm sorry; my sword
must've slipped.
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222. Slipped, my fine, hot ass!
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223. I told you.
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224. Don't fuck with me!
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225. Don't fuck with me!
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226. Stop fighting!
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227. Can't we all just get along?
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228. Sisters should treat each other
with love and generosit—!
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229. You want some of this?
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230. Herpes or Chlamydia?
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231. Fuck you with a shovel!
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232. You keep talking, but
all I hear is syphilis!
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233. Fuck you!
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234. I simply cannot fathom why
they continue ignoring us.
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235. Me either!
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236. Your pussy fight is
making you total pussies!
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237. This is all your fault!
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238. No it's not.
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239. This is because you won't
fucking apologize to me!
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240. What?
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241. Don't blame me
because you're greedy!
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242. This is very upsetting.
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243. I hate it when families argue.
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244. Shut up, ya vag!
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245. I do not comprehend the fear
these two evoke from people.
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246. Me neither, because they suck.
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247. I mean, it's totally like
Panty and Stocking who?
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248. I believe we have
officially surpassed
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249. the strongest team, myself.
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250. Yeah! Those anarchy
bitches are toast!
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251. Hey, Panty?
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252. What is it, Stockin'?
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253. Are you thinking what
I'm thinking right now?
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254. Of course I am.
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255. I mean, we are sisters.
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256. So then.
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257. Temporary truce?
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258. Fuck yeah.
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259. Temporary truce it is.
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260. Let's kill 'em!
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261. Shit! This time
you're going down.
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262. Die!
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263. Panty's strength!
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264. Stocking's technique!
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265. Separate they are strong enough,
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266. but their power
can only truly shine
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267. when they are working
together as one!
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268. They are Panty and Stocking!
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269. Can you believe—
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270. I did both these voices?
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271. I'm a badass.
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272. As the good Lord says,
"You are also my friend.
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273. I have been and
always shall be yours."
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274. Actually, I think that's Spock.
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275. You riding with us, Geek Boy?
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276. You mean it?
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277. Ain't no thing.
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278. I'll make sure he gets home.
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279. Okay.
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280. Whatever chaps your ass.
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281. Wait!
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282. Come back, please!
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283. You want to grab a bite
to eat on our way home?
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284. I think the Bear
Club buffet still on.
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285. Just try it once;
I know you'll love it.
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286. Oh, God!
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287. So, uh...
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288. Here.
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289. Where did you get this?
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290. Did you spend
your Heavens on it?
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291. I'm not saying I did;
I'm not saying I didn't!
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292. Oh.
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293. You bitch.
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294. You cunt.
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295. "Pulp Addiction."
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296. Portschach's journal.
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297. July 2nd.
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298. Early morning.
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299. 0600 hours.
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300. Fierce storm.
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301. Freezing temperatures.
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302. These are the annals of war.
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303. I'm desperate for this
bitter engagement
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304. to be over so I can head home,
where I've got wood,
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305. hot and burning on the fire,
ready to heat me up,
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306. and my girl waiting
for me with pleasure
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307. spread across her face.
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308. Heads up!
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309. The time's come
to pound this out!
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310. Some of you guys
couldn't hold on.
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311. Pathetic!
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312. Those squirts have
been discharged.
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313. Prematurely!
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314. But you came through.
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315. You came quick, hard!
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316. In! And out!
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317. Over and over! Strong!
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318. But we're not finished yet!
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319. Now, we must thrust forward!
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320. Stay on top of each other.
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321. Give a hand when needed.
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322. And let's bring this
thing to a climax!
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323. Hey.
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324. How's your journal
entry diddling going?
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325. It's wet.
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326. I get it.
Rub out a few thoughts
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327. before walking hard
and fast into death.
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328. This is stimulating, ya know?
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329. Going so deep into an
operation like this.
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330. Know what I heard?
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331. No one's ever pulled
out successfully before.
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332. 'S true.
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333. Ask that old bastard; he's
been around the block before.
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334. Apparently he rode out
the 4th Bartholin Campaign
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335. and hasn't been the same since.
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336. Well, Gramps?
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337. You think we'll be
able to squeeze one off?
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338. Need lube.
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339. Come again?
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340. Vas deferens,
that's how you know.
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341. What? Your oral skills
blow, old man!
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342. Give him a minute.
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343. He starts off slow, that's all.
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344. Beware the name General Scottie!
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345. We can't let him win!
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346. He must go down!
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347. It's time, seamen!
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348. Get off!
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349. Stay strong!
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350. Incoming!
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351. Get on top of that mound!
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352. Fire your load at will!
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353. Let's cream 'em, boys!
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354. Go! Go! Go!
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355. That's huge!
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356. This will never work!
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357. Pull out!
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358. Withdraw now!
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359. Almost there!
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360. Fuck this! Fuck this!
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361. Oh my God!
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362. Damn those things!
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363. They wiped us out!
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364. We were so close!
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365. We could have gone all the way!
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366. Oh, shit!
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367. Why?
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368. What part of
"I have a hangover
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369. every fucking morning"
don't you get?
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370. Gone! Gone!
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371. What's gone?
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372. Your period?
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373. Because that's weird.
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374. Just leave me alone!
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375. I'm in physical pain here!
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376. Where are all the tissues?
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377. Dude!
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378. Do you have a fucking cold?
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379. Stop! You're freaking me out!
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380. Now you're just torturing me!
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381. Look, if you can't
find a tissue,
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382. just use your tongue;
that's what I always do.
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383. I hate you!
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384. Don't pretend you know what
I'm going through right now!
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385. I'm not that great
with aim, okay.
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386. And even if I was, I couldn't
shoot myself in the mouth.
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387. Plus, my alter boys need
softness and sensitivity.
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388. A tissue is the answer.
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389. It is the only way!
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390. Only way for what?
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391. You know!
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392. I am so over this convo.
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393. C'mon Stockin' let's go.
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394. I guess we should get
off to school and shit.
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395. Right! Get off!
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396. No one's getting anywhere!
Copy !req
397. We've got a problem, angels!
Copy !req
398. This phenomenon is no
longer limited to Daten City.
Copy !req
399. It's already grown into a
nationwide social dilemma!
Copy !req
400. There are riots spurting
up all over the place!
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401. Children are in tears
because they can't master
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402. baiting techniques in art class!
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403. Police are beating
off protestors
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404. with their bare hands!
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405. Politicians not coming on time,
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406. well that goes
without saying, but—
Copy !req
407. In short.
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408. To be without a tissue
is to be without God!
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409. I am a man of faith,
and just look at me!
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410. I'm practically dying over here!
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411. The men of the world cannot
take no more pressure!
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412. Don't you worry, men, no shame
if you cry. Hell, I'm gonna cry!
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413. You gonna cry?
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414. Yo, babe we all gonna cry!
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415. I'm gonna blow!
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416. Maximum Climax!
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417. That was fucking amazing!
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418. No, that was fucking
awkward as hell.
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419. Awkward as fuck.
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420. You girls should be a
little more understanding.
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421. A clue! Someone must
have inserted it
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422. while I was busy,
you know, doing that!
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423. You hear that, ladies?
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424. Panty and Stocking are needed!
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425. Holy fuck has
his head gone limp.
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426. Yes! Cream pie flavor!
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427. Bingo!
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428. I would definitely call that
the nether regions of the city.
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429. And what a spunky
little hole it is.
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430. A stank-ass hole.
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431. Smells fishy.
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432. Fuck— are you
sure that's not you?
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433. It must be that clam
chowder I had earlier.
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434. Get inside now!
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435. Ain't no time for
pussyfooting around!
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436. Penetrate and conquer!
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437. Let your cocked — girls.
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438. Leave no hole —.
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439. Give them a holy — injection!
Copy !req
440. The whole world
is counting on you!
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441. We can't understand what
you're fucking saying!
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442. Damn it.
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443. A cunning linguist he is not.
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444. Thanks for nothing, bro.
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445. Fuck me!
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446. Well hello lovah!
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447. Only you would fall
for a literal stiff.
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448. What's that smell?
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449. Oh.
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450. I'm getting a whiff of coinage.
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451. Jesus, talk about some
fucking tight ass quarters.
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452. I don't know.
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453. If it's big enough
to get the job done,
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454. it's big enough for me.
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455. White alert!
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456. No blockers allowed!
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457. Go away!
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458. They're so cute;
I just wanna swallow 'em up!
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459. So you're the tools
behind this mess.
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460. You guys squirted junk
all over this place.
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461. I wanna touch one so bad!
Copy !req
462. This factory shouldn't
have been erected!
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463. It screwed up everything!
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464. That murderous General
Scottie can go to hell!
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465. To hell!
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466. The tissues they make
have spilled our blood
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467. time and again.
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468. The tissues they make
are the reason
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469. we turned into ghosts!
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470. So we're gonna destroy it!
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471. We're gonna destroy it!
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472. So what, are you gonna
gang up on my mouth next?
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473. That depends.
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474. Are you an ally
of General Scottie?
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475. Newsflash, tiny dancer,
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476. I don't know who the
fuck you're talking about.
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477. Here.
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478. I'll tell ya what.
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479. I don't care about Scottie.
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480. But I do care about
making you guys suffer.
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481. You stupid jerk-off prick!
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482. Nail her!
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483. Go back to your damn balls,
ya fuckin' low counts.
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484. Panty.
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485. Come on!
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486. I just want one.
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487. They're so
afreakingdorable!
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488. Fuck that. They're cute
enough when you're just
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489. lookin' at 'em,
I'll give it to ya.
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490. But get some in your eye,
it's gonna burn.
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491. Them bitter motherfuckers!
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492. O, pitiful shadows
lost in the darkness.
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493. O, evil spirits
born of those
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494. drifting between
Heaven and Earth.
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495. Guess what's next.
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496. Everyone!
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497. Prepare to surge forward
with the seeds of anger!
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498. Yeah!
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499. Surge forth!
Surge forth! Surge forth!
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500. Surge forth! Surge forth!
Surge forth! Surge forth!
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501. Surge forth!
Surge forth! Surge forth!
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502. Surge forth! Surge forth!
Surge forth! Surge forth!
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503. Surge forth!
Surge forth! Surge forth!
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504. Yada yada with great vengeance.
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505. And furious anger!
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506. Now, brothers!
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507. Let the final ejaculation flow!
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508. Time to repent motherfuckers!
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509. Porschach's journal.
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510. August 16th.
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511. Early morning.
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512. 0600 hours.
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513. Fair weather, but with
higher than average waves.
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514. My spirit count is high.
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515. These are the annals of war.
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516. I'm desperate for this
bitter engagement to be over
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517. so I can head home,
where I've got wood,
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518. hot and burning on the fire,
ready to heat me up.
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519. And my girl waiting for me with
pleasure spread across her face.
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520. Squirts!
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521. The time's come to
pound this operation out!
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522. After a rough battle, General
Scottie finally succumbed
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523. as he felt the strength
of our brother's lengthy
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524. and gut wrenching invasion!
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525. We're now riding on new ground.
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526. We've officially
penetrated enemy territory!
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527. Yes, men!
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528. You have proven yourself
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529. to be hard, and strong,
with great stamina!
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530. This is my final order.
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531. Thrust ahead with no fear!
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532. Give her everything you've got!
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533. This is the climax!
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534. Saturate the area!
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535. Almost there!
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536. These are my men.
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537. Without them, I never
would have made it this far!
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538. Finally!
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539. This bush is ours.
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540. I've never felt more alive!
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541. We won!
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542. We're coming in!
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