Ozzy and Jack's World Detour 3x8

1. - I am not being condescending!

2. It's just a very colorful shirt, that's all.

3. Are you driving? - Yes.

4. - Driving me insane.

5. Have you got the painting?

6. - What do you mean, "Have I got the painting?"

7. It's in your room.

8. You left it, didn't you?

9. - Let's try this again.

10. - Hello.

11. And if you look, coming up down the hallway

12. is Jack Osbourne in a great shirt

13. he bought from a surfer store.

14. And he is holding an exclusive piece of art

15. he had commissioned for the great and powerful Mr. Osbourne.

16. Good afternoon, Jack. How are you doing today?

17. - Have you seen this? - Yes, I've seen it.

18. - Look at it again. - I don't want to!

19. - Why? - I'd like to leave now, please.

20. Do you have your keys?

21. Do you have them?

22. I think that's really funny.

23. My name's Jack Osbourne,

24. world adventurer, thrill-seeker, and adrenaline junkie.

25. - Wow.

26. - And this is my dad Ozzy—

27. heavy metal god—

28. - Are you ready? - Prince of Darkness,

29. and loving grandfather.

30. Growing up, my dad was away from home

31. a lot touring, and we missed hanging out.

32. So now we've decided to hit the road together

33. and make up for lost time, taking in all the beauty—

34. - Wow. - And the bizarre

35. that America has to offer.

36. And my sister Kelly is coming along for the ride.

37. - Keep going. Stop, stop, stop. - Stop, stop!

38. - Whoa, whoa, whoa!

39. - I just hit a cactus.

40. - It's about to get interesting.

41. - All aboard!

42. - Welcome to "Ozzy and Jack's World Detour."

43. - Let's rock and roll.

44. - So we've made it to Jacksonville, Florida.

45. This is our final leg of the journey,

46. and operation "Get Ozzy to the Show in Time" is a success.

47. He is kind of switched off and is now in show mode.

48. He's gone rock star on us, but it's okay.

49. That's what he has to do. Kelly is back.

50. She couldn't get enough of the road.

51. Since we're out here, you know,

52. Dad is preparing for his show, but he does have some down time.

53. So we're gonna try and squeeze some things in.

54. It's gonna be a whirlwind week here in Flo-rida.

55. Hello? - Hi, Dad.

56. - I come bearing gifts.

57. - Wow!

58. Looks like Lassie's brother.

59. It's incredible.

60. - Look at that. - That is beautiful, isn't it?

61. Rockum will be so proud. - He'll probably piss on it.

62. - It's unbelievable.

63. - Dad? - Yeah?

64. - Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't you a very

65. big fan of chocolate?

66. - Chocolate?

67. - Yes. - Yeah.

68. - So I can't convince you to come visit the Chocolate Genius?

69. No, it's really cool. There's a guy called

70. the Chocolate Genius,

71. and he builds sculptures of people out of chocolate.

72. There's a whole world out there. - You're wasting time.

73. I'd like to move on with the day.

74. - Bring some back for me. - Okay. Well, let's go.

75. Slightly disappointed he doesn't wanna join us

76. for this last little hurrah, but we're gonna have some fun.

77. And worst-case scenario, we'll bring the fun to him.

78. - Come on, Polly. I love you, Dad.

79. See you later. - All right, Dad.

80. - See you later. - We'll see you in a bit.

81. - Bring me some chocolate back.

82. - Ah! - Oh!

83. - Just testing.

84. - You're back in the seat, Kel. How's it feel?

85. - I'm so excited.

86. - Oh, brake, brake, brake. - I'm braking, Jack.

87. Are you braking for me?

88. - Yeah. - Stop braking for me.

89. - I'm allowed to be a nervous passenger.

90. - No, you're not.

91. - Just saying.

92. So um, before we go to the Chocolate Genius thing,

93. we're going to my surprise. - Okay. And what is this?

94. - We're going monster truck driving in an orange grove.

95. - What the?

96. Are you going to drive one of these monster trucks?

97. - Me? Yeah. - Could I drive one of them?

98. Yes! They also have livestock from Africa

99. and a zebra, and all sorts of stuff like that.

100. - Good choice.

101. So you guys are always talking about, like,

102. extreme this and explosions.

103. And I wanted to pick something that I know that you would love

104. and it would tick all those boxes.

105. So that's why I wanted to go

106. on the monster truck citrus safari.

107. - Wow. - The tires are taller than me.

108. It's like...

109. Probably have a lot more kids wanting to go to school

110. if this was their school bus. - Right?

111. I mean, I always knew monster trucks were big,

112. but they were, like—

113. - Those are a special kind of monster truck.

114. - Like, they were huge.

115. - Welcome aboard Hoss.

116. - Okay. - This is the number two truck.

117. - You're not gonna hurt the truck.

118. If you run into a tree, you know—

119. I don't wanna run into anything.

120. - The tree goes down and the truck keeps going.

121. - Okay.

122. - There you go!

123. - Wow, pro. - And honk the horn.

124. - Aah! It's so loud!

125. - This is where the gators and other animals will be.

126. - Really? - Yeah, so you don't wanna

127. go too fast, because otherwise you're gonna miss them.

128. - Oh, wow, look at this.

129. - Oh, wow.

130. - Gets deep, so just go slow.

131. - Oh, wow.

132. It is so big. - It's huge.

133. - This is so cool! - You love this, don't you?

134. I really enjoyed driving it. I didn't think

135. that I'd be able to get the hang of it, but it was really fun.

136. For someone who'd, like, just jumped into the saddle, like,

137. you took to it like a fish to water.

138. - This is awesome.

139. This is so cute! Whoo!

140. Sorry, are you guys okay? - Go ahead. Yeah, we're good.

141. - These are real grass-fed,

142. free-range cattle. - Totally grass-fed,

143. free-range, little bit of citrus on the side.

144. They love it, though.

145. They—and they'll eat the grapefruit,

146. they'll eat lemons, oranges,

147. any citrus that we seem to offer them, they will eat.

148. So this is—

149. Whoa.

150. - Oops.

151. - So we have about 300 cows.

152. They're all named Lucky.

153. - They're having a great life.

154. - Do you think you could go down there and hand-feed one?

155. - Me? - Yeah.

156. - Yeah, I don't mind. Feel like I'm getting

157. out of the truck in "Jurassic Park."

158. - Hey, Jack, take off and chase 'em.

159. - Yeah, we'll see how well that goes.

160. - They'll run. You'll start a stampede. Do it.

161. - Eee! Ahh!

162. - You were braver than me, though.

163. You got out and actually were hanging out with them.

164. I was scared that they were gonna attack me.

165. - Turn around and go, "No, we don't like you."

166. Then there's this guy.

167. - I like that it wasn't just about, like, the extreme side

168. of monster trucks. If you took the monster trucks out...

169. - Mm-hmm? - ... it was still incredible.

170. To meet cows that eat oranges,

171. it was really cool that we got to feed them.

172. I've never seen that before. - It was fun, right? Whoo-hoo.

173. - You did, like, amazing. - That was so fun. So fun.

174. - Shall we? - Yeah.

175. - We shall.

176. - Bye!

177. So, Jack, is this a bucket list for you,

178. driving this through a swamp?

179. - I never thought it was, but it kind of is.

180. - It's awesome, isn't it?

181. It's like, I never thought I wanted to drive a

182. monster truck through a swamp. But now I do.

183. I'm in two minds about Dad being there or not,

184. 'cause I do feel like he could have driven that thing.

185. - Oh, he'd have had a great time there.

186. - This was cool.

187. - Yeah, I really enjoyed this.

188. - I wanna drive monster trucks again.

189. - Is this gonna be your new occupation?

190. - Could you imagine? Kelly Osbourne...

191. - Man: It's Kel, the monster truck lady.

192. - Make a left here. - No, I can't. It says—

193. - Yes, you can. - Look at this.

194. "Do not enter. One way." Can I go that way?

195. - You can make a left, because there's cars in that lane.

196. - Aah!

197. I'm scared.

198. - What the was that?

199. - Oh, that was my laptop.

200. All right, so we're going to the World of Chocolate.

201. What the are we going

202. to another chocolate factory for?

203. - Well, this one's kinda cool.

204. I've commissioned an artist

205. called the Chocolate Genius,

206. and he is doing a sculpture of Dad's head.

207. It's gonna be a 40-pound sculpture.

208. - Hello. - Hi.

209. - How are you? Welcome.

210. - We are looking for Paul. - Paul, the Chocolate Genius.

211. - The Chocolate Genius himself.

212. - In the back, we have the museum.

213. I can show you a little bit around.

214. - Yeah. - And then we can meet Paul.

215. - Let's do it. - Awesome, let's do that.

216. - All right, you lead the way.

217. - Oh, wow.

218. - Whoa. - So here...

219. - These are all made of chocolate?

220. - Yes, everything is made of solid chocolate.

221. - Wow. - It took the artist

222. between four to seven weeks for each.

223. - That's unbelievable.

224. - All made of chocolate.

225. - How do you stop it from melting?

226. We keep the temperature

227. always about 70 degrees Fahrenheit.

228. - This is incredible.

229. I don't know if you knew that,

230. but white chocolate, technically, it's not...

231. - Is not chocolate, right? Yeah. - ... chocolate, yes.

232. It's made only from the cocoa butter.

233. - Wow. - Which one took the longest?

234. The most detailed, I guess, is the Statute of Liberty,

235. and the heaviest one is the pyramid.

236. It's about 300 pounds.

237. Wow. Is it coated in some kind of glaze,

238. or just this is chocolate?

239. It is solid chocolate,

240. and then what's coated with cocoa butter.

241. - Okay. I thought it was very well done little museum.

242. - Me, too. - And I've never looked

243. at the Statute of Liberty before and went,

244. "Hmm, that looks appetizing."

245. - Look at the Houses of Parliament, with Big Ben.

246. - So cool.

247. - I like it.

248. - Chocolate Big Ben!

249. - Okay. Let's meet Paul, the Chocolate Genius.

250. - Jack.

251. - Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you, too.

252. - Hi, I'm Kelly. Lovely to meet you.

253. - It's a pleasure. - This is Polly.

254. - So you are the Chocolate Genius.

255. - She's adorable. - Thank you.

256. - And you're the Jack genius. - I don't know about that.

257. - Oh, don't tell him that he's a genius.

258. - No. - That might go to his head.

259. - Definitely not a genius.

260. - Thank you for the commission of your dad.

261. - Hey, thank you. - Yeah.

262. - Thanks for being willing to sculpt my dad.

263. - No, it was great, it was fantastic. I'm a big fan.

264. - All right? - Is that it?

265. - Hold on, I'm not gonna show you quite yet.

266. - Okay.

267. - So first, you gotta try the chocolate.

268. - Okay. - This is what I use.

269. - That is? - It's kind of like clay.

270. - Yeah, but does it harden? - It does, exactly.

271. So it could harden up in five minutes or maybe even an hour.

272. - Feels like I'm eating Play-Doh.

273. - Yeah, it's got kind of a smoky taste to it, almost.

274. - It's a nice Swiss chocolate. And this is what I started with.

275. - Just that? - It just starts like

276. a big old... - Exactly.

277. - I am ready. - I'm ready.

278. - All right, here we go. - Drum roll.

279. You sure?

280. - That's really good. - That's actually amazing.

281. - So he's about 40 pounds of chocolate.

282. - Wow. You got his nose right.

283. Yeah, I know, I was just looking at that,

284. 'cause he has one nostril higher than the other.

285. - I noticed that last second.

286. Yeah. - Yeah, that was like

287. the last thing I did, was like move that nostril up.

288. How malleable is that now,

289. or is that starting to kind of solidify?

290. It's soft enough to eat, and at the same time,

291. take your fist and knock him. - Really?

292. - Yeah. - Oh, wow.

293. - Hard, man, hard. - Oh, yeah.

294. - Yeah. It's not going anywhere. - Yeah.

295. - Did you see inside the mouth? - Wow.

296. - It's anatomically correct. - Yeah.

297. - Let me see.

298. That is really well done.

299. - That's creepy. - It is creepy, I agree, yeah.

300. - So you don't use any framing inside, you—

301. - 100% chocolate. - Wow.

302. - Yeah. Final, finishing touch,

303. we'll go ahead and put his glasses on.

304. - Let's do it. - Yeah.

305. I think the Chocolate Genius

306. captured Dad's likeness very well.

307. Oh, for sure. Like, you could look at that and go,

308. hey, that's Ozzy Osbourne, made out of chocolate.

309. It was a little bit scary, but it was—

310. it was really, really well done. - Yes, agreed.

311. - Check this out.

312. - Is that candy? - That's great.

313. - How cool is that? It's sugar. - Wow.

314. - It definitely needs the glasses.

315. - That is so cool.

316. - I can't wait for Dad to see this.

317. Is there anyone else in the world that does what you do?

318. - There's no one else that I know that does it live.

319. That's so cool.

320. I bet your hands smell like chocolate all the time.

321. Oh, yeah. I've got the strongest, softest,

322. best-smelling hands ever. - Yeah.

323. I bet.

324. - All right. - Let's see it.

325. - That's it. - Ta-da!

326. - That is amazing. - So cool.

327. - Dad's gonna love that. - He's gonna love it.

328. - So when we take this to him, it's not gonna melt.

329. Unless it hits the sunlight, it will melt.

330. - Hits the sun, you're done. - Okay. You're in charge of it.

331. - I—yes, because I'm responsible.

332. - Paul, you wanna get into the selfie?

333. Yep, there we go. - It is 40 pounds.

334. - Yeah, sure is. All right, Kel. - Let's go.

335. - Paul, you're the man. Thank you.

336. So day two, we are still in Flo-rida.

337. Not making much headway with Dad, but today we shall try.

338. We're gonna try and get him out of the hotel,

339. try and get him to shake off some of those nerves.

340. Today we're gonna go to a thing called the Poozeum,

341. and that's right, people— it's exactly as it sounds.

342. It's a museum of poo.

343. I mean, I think Dad'll definitely

344. get a kick out of the Poozeum.

345. It is kinda weird, and Kelly does have, like,

346. the sense of humor of a 6-year-old.

347. It's literally gonna be funny as.

348. - Come on, Polly.

349. - You ready? Turn around and close your eyes.

350. - Come on, Polly.

351. - Turn around and close your eyes.

352. Turn around— keep your eyes closed.

353. Keep—don't look. Cover his face.

354. - Okay, hold on. - His face, not this one.

355. - Don't look.

356. - What the you doing?

357. You don't need a banana.

358. - 3, 2, 1.

359. - Both: Ta-da!

360. - What the is that?

361. - It's chocolate Ozzy. - I am Chocolate Man!

362. - Look how white your teeth are.

363. - It looks like I'm taking a massive on my head.

364. - Look at it, and it's all edible, too—everything.

365. It's 100%-- it's 42 pounds of chocolate.

366. - That's pretty cool. - Lick it.

367. Stick your tongue in your mouth. - No, thank you. Off.

368. - Lick it.

369. [high-pitched voice] "Hello, I'm Ozzy Osbourne,

370. and I'm made of chocolate. All aboard!"

371. - All aboard the chocolate train.

372. - Give it a kiss.

373. - [high-pitched voice] "Let me see your hands!"

374. - off. That's pretty cool.

375. - Lick it. - Is it edible?

376. - 100% edible.

377. Even the lenses of the glasses are made of sugar.

378. - Wow. - Lick it.

379. - So every—everything—

380. - The teeth are all chocolate, then?

381. - It's all chocolate.

382. This was an awesome thing we did yesterday.

383. We're doing more awesome things today.

384. Would you like to do awesome things with us today?

385. - No, no, no, I've got things to do.

386. - But why? There's a place called Cassadaga.

387. Cassadaga is a community of, like, mystics and psychics

388. and healers. It's like a weird hippie thing.

389. - Oh, no, another lunatic—

390. Shh, shh, shh.

391. Listen, I believe you have been cursed by Robert.

392. - Oh, you and Robert.

393. - I believe because you blew Robert up...

394. - Goodbye, Robert!

395. - This tour could be doomed.

396. - If it's doomed, it'll be a good tour.

397. - There's a guy there who can exorcise the demons.

398. - I could ask.

399. But will you meet with him if he comes around here?

400. - If he comes to the hotel.

401. I'm not—I don't— not gonna leave the hotel.

402. - All right. Go, team.

403. 3, 2, 1, break.

404. - Bye. - Jack?

405. - Yeah?

406. - You're not gonna leave this here, are you?

407. It's very tempting for me to—

408. - Is this like the temptation of Christ?

409. - Just take the thing away.

410. Well. Listen, I have to leave it in here for a little bit,

411. but we will— - Oh, man, Jack—

412. - But I'll—I'll take it.

413. Look, I'll put the box over it so you don't see it.

414. It's gone. Magic.

415. How much do you wanna bet that Dad didn't come

416. because he's at home consuming his chocolate head?

417. - I don't think Dad'll eat that.

418. - You think he's gonna be weirded out by it?

419. - He might lick it a few times,

420. but I don't think he's gonna eat it.

421. He probably just sat there staring at it.

422. - chocolate head.

423. It does look like me, with a suntan.

424. My dad isn't feeling that up to leaving the hotel today.

425. How would you feel about coming to see him?

426. Mm-hmm.

427. Okay. Oh, that'd be awesome.

428. I'll let you know in the next probably day or so

429. when we can make that happen. All right, bye.

430. - Where are we going now?

431. - We are going to Poozeum.

432. - Sorry. We're going to a museum of.

433. - We are going to a Poozeum—of poop.

434. Who doesn't love fossilized poop?

435. It's fossil. It's not like, "And here's a turd from last week."

436. It's like...

437. - How do you know it's fossilized?

438. Because online it says

439. "The largest collection of prehistoric poop."

440. So when I spoke to George,

441. who I've now described as the Indiana Jones of poop,

442. he told me that he has something called the Precious.

443. And I don't know what it is.

444. I can only imagine it has something—

445. - Is it a ring of?

446. - I can only imagine it has something to do with poop.

447. - People are weird.

448. - Do you think it'll smell in there, Kelly?

449. - I really hope not.

450. - Hello!

451. - Hey, how are you? Welcome to the Poozeum.

452. How are you? - Very well.

453. - I'm George.

454. Where's your dad?

455. He is, uh...

456. he's just really busy getting ready for the tour right now.

457. - Okay. So tell us about Poozeum.

458. Okay. So the Poozeum is the largest collection

459. of fossilized poop in the world. - Wow.

460. - We call it the "number two" wonder of the world,

461. if you were curious about that.

462. - You can laugh. You can have a good time.

463. I get what it is. It's a collection.

464. - I've been the butt of many jokes.

465. What you see here is a variety of fossilized poo,

466. and these ones here on the table are the VIPs—

467. the very important poos, and I—

468. I couldn't have a straight-faced conversation

469. with a man about turd,

470. and you're loving every second of it.

471. - This one's incredible—200 million years old, that turd is.

472. - Wow!

473. Don't get me wrong. I didn't not find it weird.

474. I just found it fascinatingly weird.

475. Makes you wanna go in a sandy box and bury it.

476. - This is Precious. - Precious?

477. - This is the world's most famous fossilized poo.

478. - Really? - Why?

479. - It's been everywhere. You type up "fossilized poo,"

480. you're gonna see a picture of Precious.

481. - Really? - Wow.

482. The largest true-to-form coprolite—

483. and coprolite is fossilized poo...

484. - Yeah? - ... ever discovered.

485. And when I say "true to form," it's because it retained

486. its original shape, folds, everything.

487. I mean, it is classic turd.

488. So, like, that's basically what it would have looked like

489. fresh out of the booty of some dinosaur.

490. - Fresh out of the booty, just like this.

491. - I think I was weirded out through the whole thing.

492. George made it a lot easier

493. to have a conversation about a turd, because he was so nice.

494. - Why do they call fossilized poop coprolite?

495. - It's a Greek term from the 1800s.

496. Copro is "poop."

497. - Okay.

498. - Lite is "rock," so— - Okay. Poo rock.

499. - Poo-rock. Dung stone.

500. - This one should be the Hershey squirt.

501. - This one's neat. It has this pinch mark,

502. which you don't get too often.

503. But there's a lot of science to this one, with that pinch mark.

504. - Why? - So you have this turd,

505. and then you see all these lines going through it?

506. - Yeah? - That's where invertebrates—

507. little beetles and bugs and whatnot—

508. ate and lived and crawled all through it before it fossilized.

509. - Oh. - Wow.

510. - What kind of animal did this?

511. - This is the world's only replica tyrannosaurus Rex poo.

512. Like to hold it? You're welcome to.

513. - Have they ever found like a true tyrannosaurus Rex poop?

514. - They have, up in Canada.

515. It looks very similar to this. - Mm-hmm.

516. Just not as neat. - Yeah.

517. And this would be about the size

518. of a tyrannosaurus Rex would make.

519. All I have to say is

520. it's a good thing it didn't smell in there,

521. because I would never have been able to last as long as I did.

522. - The 65-million-year-old stench.

523. I think we should get a selfie with a turd, Kelly.

524. - No, I'm wonderful.

525. - You don't want a selfie with this giant turd?

526. - Come on.

527. George, get in the background. There we go.

528. T-Rex poop.

529. Well, I was expecting your father to be here,

530. so I put together a gift for him.

531. Really? - I was hoping you could

532. take that to him? - Sure, we can do that.

533. What is it? - This is a special gift.

534. I wanted to give it in person,

535. but I hope you can give this to him.

536. - We will relay the message.

537. Ooh.

538. - What is it?

539. - Is it a poo? - It has a name.

540. - What is it? - What's its name?

541. - The Dookie of Darkness.

542. - The ridiculous thing to me was his names.

543. And then he presents to us the Dookie of Darkness.

544. - I don't like the word "dookie." It's weird.

545. - I thought it would be fitting for your dad.

546. - Wow. - So if—

547. - That is awesome. - Classic poo shape.

548. No one will ever mistake it for anything else.

549. - Yep, that is awesome.

550. - And if you'd like, you can take...

551. - Really?

552. the T-Rex turd for the most wonderful selfie

553. in the whole world.

554. - I gladly would take the T-Rex turd.

555. - Kelly, would you— - Ill take the box.

556. - Here, you take this one.

557. This is gonna be hilarious going through the airport.

558. They're gonna be like, "Anything to declare?"

559. I'll be like, "Yes, T-Rex poo."

560. - You're cradling a turd.

561. - Come in!

562. - Hi. - Hello.

563. - Hi. - Ahoy there.

564. - We come bearing gifts.

565. - Ready?

566. - Wait, no, not another chocolate—

567. - You ready?

568. - What the is that?

569. This is a replica, to scale size,

570. of a tyrannosaurus Rex poo.

571. - It's not made of chocolate, is he?

572. - No, that one's not made of chocolate.

573. We met with a gentleman

574. who is an expert in fossilized dinosaur poo.

575. I'd like to introduce you— and this is the actual name—

576. to the Dookie of Darkness.

577. - Who? - The Dookie of Darkness.

578. - That is a real— - What the—Are you ...

579. - ... fossilized dino-shore— dinosaur.

580. Dino-shore.

581. - How do you know that's?

582. It doesn't smell like.

583. - Typical Dad— we give him the turd.

584. What does he do with the Dookie of Darkness?

585. - He smells it. - Instantly sniffs it.

586. - Guess what you get to do now?

587. - What?

588. - Take a picture with fossilized poop.

589. - What? - Just gotta hold the poo, smile,

590. and then we're gonna send it to the guy.

591. Okay, hold your—hold your poo.

592. We're gonna get a couple cool ones.

593. - Yeah!

594. - Okay. Bye, Dad, I love you. - Bye. Here.

595. - Oh, no.

596. Bye.

597. Don't yourself.

598. - So Dad's show is in a couple days.

599. We're down here in Florida,

600. and there's a guy by the name of Gary Spivey.

601. Now, Gary Spivey is like a world-renowned psychic,

602. but he specializes in removing evil energy.

603. So I'm thinking that since Dad blew the out of Robert

604. and killed him, that Dad probably has been cursed.

605. - He's gone!

606. So I'd like to plan to have Gary come and cleanse Dad,

607. and also might give Dad a bit of special juju before his gig.

608. Now, Gary, if you were to look at him, you'd be like, okay,

609. that's an interesting fellow.

610. He wears all white and he has this white hair helmet.

611. He looks over the top and very, um... special.

612. And then the fun begins thereafter, so, yay.

613. - [high-pitched voice] Whoa! - No!

614. - Woo, woo, woo. - off.

615. - Dad hates that.

616. - Cuddles, cuddles. - You're gonna get back-handed.

617. - No, no. - Cuddle, just a cuddle.

618. - off! - Peace cuddle.

619. - Have you been smoking ?

620. - I drank a lot of coffee this morning.

621. - I knew you did.

622. - You know what? You know what time I was up today?

623. - I got up at 5:00. - You didn't.

624. - I swear on my life, I couldn't sleep.

625. - Here we go again.

626. - Well, next time you're up at 5:00, come over to my house.

627. - I'm in the middle of this row.

628. Guys!

629. - Polly doesn't like yelling.

630. - All right, Gary's here. I'm gonna go get him.

631. - You are a pair of nutters, you know, you are.

632. - Well, we came from you. - I've matured, I've got old.

633. - Okay.

634. - Guys, meet Gary.

635. - Hey, guys. - Hi.

636. - How are you? Ozzy, how are you?

637. - How are you, Gary?

638. - Gary Spivey—the man with the bitchin' hair.

639. - He has such an awesome look. - He does, and he's so nice.

640. - And he smelled so nice, too.

641. That was his— he was like a nice—

642. - He's such a nice guy.

643. - Hey, darling, hey, darling— oh, she licks you to death.

644. - Yes. - That's awesome.

645. - She's good at that.

646. - I love it, I love it, I love it. Thank you.

647. We could do each other's hair.

648. It'd be great.

649. - Just out of curiosity, what inspired this hairdo?

650. - Well, you know, years ago, I played music.

651. I was this little kid that had big, white, woofie hair,

652. and it kind of was a little trademark.

653. And then I was born, you know,

654. able to see visions and pick up on things with people.

655. And then I learned how, later, how to use more of my gifts,

656. and I talk to dead people on the other side.

657. I'm really famous for getting rid of demons.

658. - Ah.

659. - And I understand that you guys have some things going on.

660. Potentially. - Robert the haunted doll—

661. do you know of him? - I-I've heard the legends.

662. - Okay.

663. And things— one thing after another.

664. And Jack's been saying it was Robert,

665. and I was saying.

666. - But he hates Robert. Does not like Robert.

667. - Well, that's bizarre, because Robert hates you.

668. - Wonder why that is.

669. thing.

670. Good, it's gone.

671. When I tap into the doll, I hear the doll screaming

672. and yelling, "He's coming," you know, like "He's coming."

673. - I would like to show you what my father has done to Robert.

674. - Okay. All right, okay.

675. - This is all that's left of Robert.

676. He blew him up.

677. - Wow. He's got his little— - You still have that?

678. - Why would I throw it away? - Why would you keep it?

679. - Because Robert's my buddy. I liked Robert.

680. Robert and I got along very well, I feel.

681. So we're missing— so these are his legs

682. and this is his little head, or—

683. - No, that was his little toy.

684. - That was—that was his stuffed animal.

685. He had a little stuffed animal. - Ah, okay.

686. - My dad blew him up with some dynamite.

687. Oh, wow, so he's a—he's—no wonder he's angry.

688. But I can fix it.

689. I think you have to apologize. - I'm sorry, Robert.

690. Did you feel the heat? I don't know if you can feel

691. the heat all of a sudden.

692. You got—you got red in the face.

693. You've gotten warm. You got really, really hot.

694. - Let me see your hands. Let me see your hands.

695. There, now your feet are hot, see?

696. - Oh, my God, that is so weird!

697. My feet are, like, really hot, especially my right foot.

698. - See, I got chills. Who got chills?

699. - I just got chills right now.

700. - You can feel— you can feel the chills.

701. But you got really, really hot.

702. So you had a mojo blocking your light.

703. Yeah, yeah? - Yeah, so you had, like, a hex

704. on you, a mojo, a voodoo.

705. I'm tapping into the origin of Robert the doll.

706. It feels like Haitian voodoo

707. and a little bit of New Orleans juju.

708. - Okay. Well, that clears that up.

709. With clearing the dark things away from this,

710. what happens is now you'll find that you'll be

711. very, very psychic, especially in your dreams.

712. Just don't—don't hurt the—

713. just don't hate the doll. And you're good.

714. - Is Kelly gonna find a boyfriend any time soon?

715. - Oh, my God, you're so rude.

716. - Two of them. - Yeah! At the same time?

717. - Sorta. Yeah, you're a busy girl.

718. So we are in St. Augustine,

719. and Ponce de Leon founded the city in 1513,

720. which is kinda cool, and this is also where

721. the alleged Fountain of Youth is.

722. And seeing as Dad has got two hard years

723. of the open road ahead of him,

724. we're gonna bring him some water back.

725. What's a trip to Florida without enjoying

726. the fruits of the Fountain of Youth?

727. - Can I ask you a question, Kelly?

728. - No.

729. - No, seriously. How come you hate the deez nuts joke so much?

730. - Because they're stupid, and you know it.

731. It's like a joke that's been around

732. for, like, 50 years at this point.

733. - Like a good knock-knock joke.

734. I have yet to hear a good knock-knock joke

735. come out of your mouth. - Knock-knock.

736. - Who's there? - Dee.

737. - No.

738. - What a cute little area to grow up in.

739. "Fountain of Youth" on an archway.

740. - Are you gonna bathe Polly in the Fountain of Youth...

741. - No. - ... so she lives forever?

742. But since I said that, you're kind of like, well, maybe.

743. - Maybe. - This is exciting.

744. The reason why I wanted to go to the Fountain of Youth

745. was I wanted to get some water for Dad.

746. - Because he's going on this 2-year tour.

747. He needs to be as youthful as possible.

748. - Hi. How are you? - I'm good.

749. Do you have bottles we can fill Fountain of Youth water in?

750. - Oh, wow.

751. Take your Molotov cocktail bottle.

752. - Yes, ma'am. - Let me get you a bag.

753. - Oh, thank you.

754. I hope so.

755. - Thank you. You have a good one.

756. - Thank you.

757. It's as if we're stepping back in time.

758. Look at the peacock!

759. - That's beautiful.

760. This is the site where Ponce de Leon landed

761. and created the first colony in the continental United States.

762. - That's Ponce de Leon? - That's Juan Ponce de Leon.

763. - He was short.

764. He made the first recorded sea voyage

765. to what is now the United States of North America,

766. making his first— - Making his first landing...

767. - In the vicinity of... - In the vicinity...

768. - Both: St. Augustine.

769. Aah, me!

770. Polly ran for the hills.

771. - How's it going? - Good.

772. - Doing well. How are you? - Good, how are you?

773. - We hear you guys have some cool demonstrations here.

774. - We have a cannon.

775. - Fun.

776. - Can I stand back for the cannon because of Polly?

777. Yeah. So is this a lighter cannon

778. than, like, cannons over there? Are they different types?

779. This is a breech charge,

780. so it's loaded from the back of the cannon.

781. - Very cool.

782. - Jack gets such a for anything that shoots something.

783. "Good God, let me fire it."

784. Now we stand back just in case

785. there's hot embers in there. It'll explode.

786. - Oh, wow. - It's really hot.

787. And this is just wadding. It's Spanish moss,

788. and it's what they would have used in 1565.

789. And just touch the gunpowder with the end of that round.

790. - Fire in the hole!

791. - Oh, my God, she's throwing up. I need to get her outta here.

792. - That was amazing. - You're welcome.

793. - That's the best firework ever.

794. I had no idea that the Fountain of Youth came along

795. with that stupid old musket

796. and all of the other things that were loud, like the cannon.

797. I'm like, this, I am out of here with her.

798. I'm done. - It was awesome.

799. Well, I guess Kelly— she had enough.

800. She looks happy.

801. - Jack, she's shaking. - She's smiling.

802. - That's like her "I'm scared" face.

803. - Hey. Um, should we go to the fountain?

804. - Then can we go? - Fountain, then go.

805. - Fine, yes.

806. - Best behavior.

807. - It's a man in a costume.

808. The Fountain of Youth—

809. Ponce de León probably drank water from this... springeth.

810. - That's great for him and his [bleep.

811. I'm not drinking this. - "Great for him and his bleep?"

812. - It's like the Viagra before Viagra.

813. - Kelly, it had nothing to do with Viagra or penises, okay?

814. - Yes, it did. - No, it didn't.

815. It's about longevity.

816. Okay, whatever.

817. You're just always loving penises.

818. - What's wrong with that?

819. It does smell, Jack.

820. - Yeah, because it's spring water.

821. - Spring water doesn't smell like an egg fart.

822. - It depends on where you get it from.

823. There's minerals and everything underground.

824. Behold—my penis will be strong and full of goodness.

825. - It stank. - Calm down.

826. - It smelled like an egg fart, and you drank it. Bleh.

827. - And look how youthful I look.

828. - It looks a bit... mucky.

829. - It's mineral— Kelly, it's mineral water.

830. - Hey, welcome, folks. How are you doing?

831. - Good, thank you. How are you? - Great, great.

832. Any questions about our magical water here?

833. - Why does it smell like that?

834. - Well, sulfur is what you normally smell.

835. That usually smells like rotten egg,

836. but it's a pretty good day, believe me.

837. I've been drinking it since Ponce left me here,

838. so it's 500 years.

839. The Spanish settlers must have saw this as, like,

840. the fountain of life because it was fresh, drinkable water.

841. - Yeah, and the Spanish were very sickly people at the time.

842. Life expectancy in Europe was 37 years back then.

843. - Wow. - They get here

844. and meet the Timucua— much healthier people,

845. and about the same height. They could look eye-to-eye.

846. They were living twice as long.

847. That story made its way back to Europe,

848. and he's the one who tries to explain why the natives

849. were living so long here, 'cause they had magic water,

850. a fountain of youth. - Wow.

851. - So that's how that all got started.

852. - Cool. - All right, guys?

853. - Awesome, thank you. Really appreciate that.

854. - Hey, thanks for coming, guys. Enjoy.

855. - Thanks for having us. - Have a good stay.

856. - Will do. - Stay youthful!

857. We'll try. Are you sure you're not gonna drink

858. your water, Kelly? - Why would I?

859. I'm not the one with the.

860. I bet you that's gonna stink when you open it.

861. - Kinda like you. - Oh, God. Hi, Dad.

862. - Gather 'round. You ready to get crunk?

863. - It's water from the Fountain of Youth.

864. It's meant to make men fertile again, and have more children.

865. - I don't want any more kids.

866. What is that? Is it—is that booze?

867. Yes, Dad, we're gonna relapse, all of us,

868. right here, right now. Cheers... to youth!

869. - Smell it first.

870. - Smells like somebody's feet.

871. - It's a little... musky.

872. - What—what the?

873. - I would like to make a little toast to say thank you guys.

874. - It's been the best time of my life.

875. I've—I've gotta say I've enjoyed it

876. to the core every day.

877. It's been wonderful. Thank you, Kelly.

878. Thank you, Jack... - Thank you, cheers.

879. - ... for bringing me out.

880. Hear, hear.

881. It does taste kind of—

882. - It's probably water from the toilet or something.

883. - I hope we don't get like a gut bacteria.

884. - goldfish in a bowl.

885. - Anyhow, we will see you at the venue.

886. You might not see us, but we'll see you.

887. - Wish me luck. - Have a good gig, break a leg.

888. High five.

889. - I love you. I'll see you in a bit.

890. - O♪♪♪! Ozzy! Ozz - So it's been a very awesome trip, I must say.

891. The mission's accomplished. We got Dad to his show in time.

892. And so today, Kelly and I,

893. we're gonna put some mementos in his dressing room.

894. And so Kelly's printed some photos and you know,

895. what have you to kind of scatter around.

896. It's gonna be nice. And then I'm gonna look through

897. the camper to see what else I can find that we can just

898. leave with him that will tour with him for the next two years.

899. Kel, grab that picture. - That thing is heavy.

900. - Yep. We'll move this over here.

901. Let's put Rocky there.

902. - So do you wanna look through these pictures?

903. - Sure. - I think this one's good.

904. Although that was a traumatic facemask experience

905. for you, wasn't it?

906. - Oh, my God, it burned the out of my face.

907. - Dad, you're putting a lot on. - It can't be poisonous.

908. - Well, we'll soon find out, won't we?

909. - I love this one with him and Andy.

910. - Go to Papa. - Come on.

911. - Andy, look, right here. - She looks gangsta.

912. - You wanna let it go? - Yes.

913. - Oh, Andy! - It's still going!

914. - What do you think of that one? - That's a good one.

915. - Dad, where'd you learn to do that?

916. - In prison.

917. - Minnie. - Minnie, gotta have Minnie.

918. - I don't know why, but I feel like he'll love this one.

919. - He will love this one.

920. - Come on, can I get a drum roll?

921. Oh, my goodness.

922. That's one of the best portraits of me I've ever seen.

923. - Put that one in the frame.

924. - Because he knows that the portrait is coming.

925. So you'll put those up? - Come on, Polly.

926. - Put a bunch on here... of the guru.

927. This year was so much fun.

928. All in all, it was a great trip.

929. This is one of the most beautiful things

930. I've ever seen in my life.

931. I've never seen anything like this.

932. I really enjoyed spending time with Dad.

933. We're stuck on a rock.

934. They're all around you!

935. My favorite would be the long drive,

936. 'cause I had some of the best conversations with him

937. I have ever had in my life.

938. I got to know a whole new side of him.

939. Minnie-moo.

940. It's like no matter how kinda stressful it gets at times,

941. or tiring, and you just kinda get worn out

942. from the road, that's good—it's, for me,

943. it's always been worth all that

944. just to be able to have the kind of memories.

945. Pearl, where are you? - I'm right behind you.

946. - Ohh!

947. Thank you.

948. How does it stop?

949. - Whoo!

950. - You got it! - Whoa!

951. - He has got it.

952. - There you go. - That's really good.

953. - Yeah. Yeah, he'll like that.

954. - As much as you rehearse

955. all that out of your system.

956. When I go on stage and do my show,

957. I wanna give them my heart and soul, and then some.

958. I'm not one of these rock and rollers

959. who just doesn't give a. I care for everyone out there.

960. Without them I wouldn't be sitting here now.

961. - Kelly, come here. I've gotta show you something.

962. - What?

963. - All right, so this is a 2-part surprise.

964. One, Kelly didn't know I was gonna do this,

965. but we have a little message flying over for Dad.

966. - [high-pitched singsong voice] Come on, Polly.

967. And then there's a second part to this,

968. which really pertains to Kelly. - What's going on?

969. There's something that I got for Dad...

970. - Uh-huh. - ... for both of us.

971. - But it was a surprise. - Oh, okay.

972. - So you have to just wait here for a second, and you shall see.

973. - Okay.

974. - Look, look, look what we got for Dad.

975. - Oh, that's so good!

976. I thought that the—the banner that you did for Dad

977. was really, really sweet. I really enjoyed that.

978. - Yeah, I thought it was a little send-off, you know?

979. It's like, here you go. - That's so cool!

980. - Isn't that cool?

981. There's one more, which is even cooler.

982. It's behind the stage, so he'll be coming around here.

983. - What is it?

984. Actually got a plane with a billboard that says...

985. [high-pitched voice] "Morning, Polly."

986. - I would really— I would go for that.

987. - Here it comes.

988. What's that?

989. "Check out deez nuts!"

990. - I hate you. Bye.

991. Oh, my God, it's so good!

992. You guys are so stupid.

993. Only dumbasses like you are like,

994. "Oh, my God, check out that deez nuts thing."

995. Uh, it was one of the most-photographed pictures

996. from the festival, and most posted.

997. - Well, aren't you proud of yourself?

998. - Yes, I am.

999. Perfect.

1000. - Ozzy! Ozzy! Ozzy! Ozzy! Ozzy!

1001. Ozzy! Ozzy! Ozzy! Ozzy! Ozzy! Ozzy!

1002. Ozzy! Ozzy! Ozzy! Ozzy!

1003. - The road trip has ended, mission accomplished.

1004. It's been a long—I think we've gone about 7,000 or 8,000 miles.

1005. - It's crazy. - Over—just over eight weeks.

1006. So there's been highs, there's been lows.

1007. Our job here is done.

1008. - How the you doing?

1009. Are you ready to go crazy?

1010. - Bye! - Bye!