Ozzy and Jack's World Detour 3x4

1. - New Mexico seems like it's one of those states

2. that is just known

3. for, like, weird and wacky roadside attractions.

4. Like the Old Apple Barn has a giant, 12-foot apple boy.

5. Back in the day, did you ever see any,

6. like, weird roadside attractions?

7. - Yeah, a reflection of me in the mirror drunk.

8. - Oh, it's great.

9. - Aah! - What'd you do?

10. - You are knocking my around everywhere.

11. - Oh, I think I see Apple Boy.

12. Whoa. There's, like, employment in here.

13. - Okay.

14. That's a good hat.

15. - I like it. - No.

16. Blossom wouldn't have even worn that.

17. - Bacon-flavored toothpaste.

18. - That's disgusting. - That's freedom.

19. Dad wanted toothpaste, so—

20. - I've got...

21. - Who was that? - hell.

22. - Here, I got this for you. You said you needed toothpaste.

23. - That's gross. - What the?

24. - Bacon toothpaste. - I'll taste it.

25. That is all right, actually.

26. My name's Jack Osbourne,

27. world adventurer, thrill-seeker, and adrenaline junkie.

28. - Wow.

29. - And this is my dad Ozzy—

30. heavy metal god—

31. - Are you ready? - Prince of Darkness,

32. and loving grandfather.

33. Growing up, my dad was away from home

34. a lot touring, and we missed hanging out.

35. So now we've decided to hit the road together

36. and make up for lost time, taking in all the beauty—

37. - Wow. - And the bizarre

38. that America has to offer.

39. And my sister Kelly is coming along for the ride.

40. - Keep going. Stop, stop, stop. - Stop, stop!

41. - Whoa, whoa, whoa!

42. - I just hit a cactus.

43. - It's about to get interesting.

44. - All aboard!

45. - Welcome to "Ozzy and Jack's World Detour."

46. - Let's rock and roll.

47. - Greetings from Las Cruces, New Mexico, the City of Crosses.

48. This is my first trip since Lisa gave birth to Minnie.

49. That's our new baby.

50. Don't worry, though. I'm not a deadbeat dad.

51. I have full permission from my wife.

52. She's very supportive of my world detouring.

53. Now, while we're here in New Mexico,

54. we're gonna be exploring three things that my dad just loves

55. ice cream, nuts, and music.

56. The music is kind of a surprise that will evolve

57. as the week goes.

58. I have arranged a lot of fun things,

59. and I'm kind of unofficially calling this trip

60. "Chaps and Chainsaws."

61. - Kelly has a '57 Cadillac,

62. and she wants a truck to go with it.

63. I'm gonna phone up my office and ask them to see

64. if they can find a '57 truck.

65. Maybe put some feelers out to see

66. what you can find for me.

67. I'll send you the route

68. that we're taking from New Mexico.

69. - Hi, Dad.

70. - Hi—hi, Kel. Speak to you soon.

71. - I just went to get breakfast. Don't expect much.

72. - No, that's all right.

73. - That's extra chili peppers, if you want it.

74. - What the is this?

75. Looks like somebody's thrown up into a cup.

76. - Oh, that's nice.

77. - Man, I thought we were never gonna get here.

78. Jack did a good job driving, though.

79. - He's the worst driver, Dad. - No, he ain't.

80. - Dad, you're in the front.

81. - No—yeah, but he ain't the worst driver.

82. You ain't driven with your old papa yet.

83. I'm good at driving people crazy.

84. - That's true.

85. - Morning, sir. - Talking about you.

86. - Morning, Father.

87. - I'm stealing some of your beans.

88. - Why—why are you eating my burrito?

89. - So what's going on today?

90. - Gonna go to a place called Pistachioland.

91. - Excuse me? Why are we going to a nut land?

92. - So you can eat deez nuts!

93. - I'm being suffocated by misogyny.

94. - Well, you know what? There's gonna be a march in January.

95. - Oh, my God!

96. - Go on down there with your sign.

97. - I have the weirdest family. - That's your sister.

98. - You're abusive. You told me to your nuts.

99. Like, come on. - No, I didn't.

100. I did not say my nuts."

101. - You said deez nuts," and that—

102. - No, I said "deez nuts."

103. I didn't say deez nuts."

104. If Kelly hates that I do something,

105. it just makes me wanna do it more.

106. - Your humor, it's relentless.

107. - There is no difference,

108. especially when you go like this

109. and point towards your groin with your fingertips.

110. - I'm just pointing out that deez are nuts.

111. - Okay. Then whose are deez nuts, then, other than yours?

112. - No, it's not—

113. - If you went "deez nuts" and pointed in another direction—

114. - No. No, no, no—no, no, no. That would be "doze nuts."

115. - I would like a jar that every time you say something

116. misogynistic, either one of you,

117. or "deez nuts," you put a dollar in it.

118. - Okay. Am I allowed to put deez nuts in the jar?

119. - Okay, you've already got a dollar in the jar.

120. - Really, dude?

121. - Oh, my God.

122. - You're doing really well, Kelly.

123. - Thank you, Dad. Jack, we're going over a railway.

124. - Okay.

125. Ooh.

126. Whoa, - Sorry.

127. - You know these trucks you keep going on about, Kel?

128. - Mm-hmm. - Color would you want it in?

129. - It doesn't matter what color it is,

130. because eventually I'll paint it whatever color I want it to be.

131. - What year are you looking for? '50, '60?

132. Well, late '50s, early '60s.

133. I'd even go into early '70s if it was a great truck.

134. - Okay. Oh, look, there it is.

135. - That's where we're going. Pistachioland.

136. - Oh, and there must be the nut—

137. - Nut trees. - Deez nuts.

138. Oh, there's another dollar.

139. I now have $4 in my jar.

140. - What, deez nuts?

141. - $5.

142. - Deez nuts, deez nuts, deez nuts.

143. $8.

144. - So I spoke to the owner, a guy named Tim,

145. and he is gonna let us roast deez nuts.

146. - What is wrong with you?

147. - Hello. - Hello.

148. - Wow.

149. - This is cool.

150. - Ooh, ice cream and cookies. - Should I try the pistachio?

151. - Well, we are in Pistachioland.

152. - Oh, it's green. I like that. - Cool.

153. - Thank you so much.

154. - Oh, my God, wow.

155. - That's a beautiful car.

156. - So do you like old cars? - I do.

157. - My name's Tim. - I'm Ozzy.

158. - I'm the owner. - How's it going, Tim?

159. How you doing? Jack. - Jack, hey.

160. It's good to finally meet you. - Yeah, absolutely, yeah.

161. Thanks for, uh... - I'm Kelly. Nice to meet you.

162. - Kelly, nice to meet you.

163. Did you try all the flavors of pistachios?

164. - We have not yet dove into the nut buffet.

165. - It's right over here. - I love nuts—deez nuts.

166. - So how do you get all the flavors in the—the pistachios?

167. - If you'd like to try making a flavor,

168. we could do that.

169. - Dad, you wanna make a flavor?

170. - Yeah. - All right.

171. - This is Lisa. - Jack and Kelly: Hi, Lisa.

172. - She will help you if you wanna flavor the nuts.

173. - Oh.

174. - I'm gonna have to preface you in this.

175. - Another dollar in the jar.

176. For the last three years,

177. I always get him with a "deez nuts" joke,

178. and so he's finally now caught on

179. to now he can make "deez nuts" jokes.

180. So it's just kinda funny that we're flavoring nuts.

181. I didn't wanna make the nuts because, I mean,

182. we've done so much stuff, I was like ah,

183. why not just let Kelly and Dad have a bit of a nut-off?

184. - All right, just stand up properly.

185. - New fashion statement.

186. - High-five, Dad.

187. - So what do you do?

188. - I'm gonna do the dill pickle.

189. So I put a little cup of vinegar. We don't use water.

190. I make sure all these are wet,

191. 'cause that's what's gonna stick to the nuts.

192. - What's that?

193. - This is pickle seasoning. This is the good stuff.

194. This is what makes it smell.

195. And then I mix it really, really good.

196. - Is that the same technique that you use to knead nuts?

197. - And then we're gonna cook it.

198. So, you guys wanna try a flavor?

199. - I do. I'm gonna do garlic and honey.

200. - Okay. - Garlic and honey?

201. - Curry... - Could be good, you never know.

202. - You said you like curry, right?

203. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

204. - Okay, so we'll do 1/4 cup of this.

205. - I'm really intrigued to see what these flavors taste like.

206. - And then there's your cayenne.

207. - I'm gonna invent a new flavor.

208. - So let's try and cook 'em and see what we come up with.

209. - Here we go. Look at this.

210. It looks like curry. - It smells like curry.

211. Not bad.

212. - Do you like deez nuts?

213. - That's a really good question.

214. - What did you do, Kel?

215. - Honey and garlic. - Smells good.

216. - And then you just smash them down with your—yep.

217. - There you go, smash those nuts.

218. - You're gonna owe me like a thousand dollars

219. by the end of the day.

220. - They look good.

221. - Those are great.

222. Really? - Those are really good.

223. Try that. Not bad, right? - That's pretty good.

224. - Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

225. - Wait, let's bring the expert in—Tim?

226. - This is honey and garlic.

227. - Mmm!

228. - It's good, huh?

229. - Mm-hmm.

230. - Yes!

231. - Ozzy, these are yours that you did?

232. - Yeah, yeah, yeah— cayenne pepper,

233. curry powder, and... - Cumin.

234. - If it was a competition here, which I'm sure it never is...

235. - No. - Oh, never.

236. - I love it. That's a winner.

237. - Kelly - Yay! - Kelly gets the golden spatula.

238. - Thank you, sir. - Yes!

239. - I was not expecting that Kelly Osbourne...

240. - Don't— - ... has the best nuts—

241. - Don't—stop!

242. - In the family.

243. - What do you think of this, Kelly?

244. That's amazing.

245. - I'm gonna bag my nuts.

246. Double nuts.

247. - Kelly, you literally can throw those at people

248. and be like, "Have you tried deez nuts?"

249. - Please, it's like the never-ending show

250. of nuts. Like, I can't take it anymore.

251. - Don't forget your nuts.

252. - Today is another fun-filled day

253. of the sights and sounds of New Mexico.

254. We're gonna go meet up with a guy name Bob,

255. and we're gonna do some chainsaw art.

256. And we're gonna try and not saw our hands off, or feet,

257. and make some cool things.

258. - Hi, Dada.

259. Alamogordo, New Mexico.

260. Pew-pew, pew, pew, pew-pew, pew, pew.

261. And what are we doing in

262. pew-pew, pew Alamogordo, New Mexico?

263. - We are gonna go make some carvings out of wood.

264. - What?

265. - We're gonna do some chainsaw art.

266. I wanted to go check out chainsaw art

267. because I don't think there's a more manly way

268. to make art than with a chainsaw.

269. - That wasn't on my list of things I have to do

270. before I die.

271. But on your deathbed, as you're laying there,

272. surrounded by cats and Pomeranians...

273. - I'm gonna be surrounded with hot men in loincloths,

274. fanning me with big palm tree leaves, thank you.

275. - Baby drama.

276. - Why do you read that, Dad?

277. Oh, sake!

278. This is, like, the worst. - What is?

279. - Sitting in the back of this thing.

280. Like, I'm gonna have to, like, duct-tape my down.

281. - Whoo-hoo. We have arrived.

282. I'm looking for Bob "Grizzly" Adams.

283. - Howdy? - How's it going, Bob?

284. - I'm doing good, Jack. Well, you wanna go outside

285. before it gets too nasty weather out there?

286. - Yeah. - And try to...

287. - Come on, Kel.

288. - I'm gonna stick you on a machine.

289. - Okay. - Come on out here.

290. - You want me to get in this?

291. - Yeah! - Okay.

292. - Well, I wouldn't have got in the thing.

293. - Climb inside the hole there.

294. - Holy.

295. - It was one of those things

296. where it was that everyone kind of looked at me

297. like, "She won't be able to do that."

298. And I was like, you, I'm gonna do it."

299. - These right here? - Uh-huh.

300. - Makes you go forward and backward, okay?

301. Can you reach the foot pedals good?

302. - Yeah. - Okay. Use your pedal

303. over there and raise it up. There you go.

304. You're doing good.

305. - Okay. - Were you scared?

306. - Well, the thing that got me was, like,

307. the seat was soaking wet. - Piss?

308. - No, Dad, it had been snowing. - Thought you pissed yourself.

309. - You're an hole.

310. Your feet—turn right here. - Okay.

311. Right and left. That one picks it up,

312. and this one turns it. - Okay.

313. - Oh, this is gonna be fun, this is.

314. - Oh, it's just like at the kids' store,

315. when you're picking up the... - Yeah!

316. - How do I turn? Oh—oh!

317. - There you go.

318. - Okay. So see this log right in the middle?

319. - Yeah. - Now squeeze it.

320. Holy - Okay, stop.

321. - Here we go. One log down. Whoa.

322. - Can you believe this?

323. - Oh, wow.

324. - My two nutty kids, unloading logs,

325. and it's snowing.

326. - Got it, good job!

327. There you go. Go ahead and drop your bucket down.

328. You're doing great. Down. - Down?

329. - There you go. Now go forward.

330. - Whoa! - Holy!

331. - Do it more with your thumb.

332. - Oh, what the is that doing that for?

333. - Now, roll your bucket— your right foot. There you go.

334. - I'm freezing my nuts off.

335. - Because it's too long to get between right here,

336. so go ahead and cut that, right here.

337. You got it? - Yep.

338. - "Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3."

339. - Are you ready to try one? - Yeah, I'll give one a go.

340. - So remember, we cut the back of his head off first.

341. - Okay. - Okay, kind of at an angle.

342. - About 45? - Yeah. Go ahead, cut it off.

343. He looks so easy, but it's not so easy...

344. - No, chainsaws are heavy as,

345. so, like, holding it and doing art with it,

346. I was like, whoa, this thing's heavy.

347. - Not quite as easy as it looks, huh?

348. - You're a strong man.

349. And then you've gotta think, like, oh, if I slip,

350. my leg is off.

351. - Yeah, or one slip and you've lost a foot.

352. - Fun, though.

353. - Pretty cool.

354. - It's really cool.

355. - That's a start. - That's awesome.

356. - Pretty cool. - Oh, wow.

357. - And one more quick thing for you, Ozzy.

358. - Flyin' the bird. - That's how you carve a bear.

359. - That's pretty impressive.

360. - That was amazing.

361. - Would you like to try to burn a bear?

362. - Yeah. - Burn the bear, Kel.

363. - Yeah? So you—we just turn the gas on.

364. - Uh-huh. - A little bit,

365. and we light it, and then we turn the oxygen on,

366. and it makes a blue flame.

367. So you're gonna hold it up here, okay?

368. - Okay.

369. - And just spread it all over the whole thing.

370. - Rosie the Riveter over here.

371. - I think I'll just put her to work here.

372. - There you go.

373. - Did you see my bear out front that pees?

374. - No. - Wanna see it real quick?

375. - Yeah. - Oh, I can't believe they just

376. left me in here with this by myself,

377. with wood chips and a torch

378. that I don't know how to turn off.

379. - Bear that pees.

380. - That's really funny.

381. So I'm just standing there

382. with a flame coming out of a pole,

383. like get me out of here.

384. How do I turn it off?

385. Because if I turn that thing the wrong way,

386. the flame will turn into, like, a flamethrower.

387. - I got something for you here. - Oh, awesome.

388. - Oh, wow.

389. - Do you think Mum is gonna love the bird-flipping bear?

390. - Yeah, she will.

391. - You should put it in the garden.

392. - Yeah, or in the front of the house.

393. - Yeah, by the front door. Want us to sign it?

394. - Yeah, would you sign that for us?

395. - Oh, and it has my name on it. That's great.

396. - Of course I put your name on it!

397. - So, how's New Mexico?

398. - It's good. How's the Min-Min Duck?

399. - She's good.

400. - She doesn't hate me for leaving?

401. - Here she is.

402. - Daddy? - Yeah? What's up, Andy?

403. - I'm tired. - Oh, you're tired?

404. - We do.

405. - All righty, well, I'll let you go, then.

406. - All right. - I love you.

407. - I love you too. - Speak to you later.

408. - Say "bye." - Bye, Andy.

409. - Bye, Dad. - Big kiss. Mwah.

410. So today we're gonna go to a working ranch

411. and we're gonna do ranch stuff, like teach us how to lasso,

412. wear cowboy stuff, and do cowboy things.

413. So are you guys gonna wear some chaps?

414. You can cut the crap on the chaps thing,

415. because I ain't wearing them. You're not making a fool of me

416. for your entertainment. - What's wrong with chaps?

417. - They're ugly, and I'm not wearing them.

418. - So we're gonna meet up with G. B., who's a local rancher.

419. - Is it this one? - This is it, right here.

420. Ooh, we're gonna do some cowboy.

421. Kelly, let me hear your best "yeehaw."

422. - Shut up. - Kelly...

423. - No way. Hi, are you G. B.?

424. - See, look how bitchin' those chaps are.

425. - He'll fart and kill you.

426. - Appreciate you coming. - Hey, thanks for having us.

427. - What is it you wanna do?

428. - Jack wants to do some cowboy stuff.

429. Thattaboy. - I think Kelly wants to do

430. some cowgirl stuff. - I just wanna ride a horse.

431. I thought going to the ranch would be fun for you and Dad,

432. 'cause I know how much Dad loves horses,

433. and I know you like to ride horses.

434. So I just figured, why not?

435. - So, Jack, I think those'll fit you.

436. They go the other way. - Other way? Oh, okay. See?

437. - Boy, you're doing it wrong.

438. I think I might need a little—a little bigger...

439. - Let's try another pair here. - All right.

440. - Let's see. Are we close?

441. - Nope. What you laughing at?

442. - I'm not laughing at anything.

443. - These, like, mini-chaps? I'm excited about this.

444. - I really love you, Jack.

445. I have tree-trunk legs, so don't think it's gonna happen.

446. You know what? "A" for effort.

447. That's what I say. What? Hey, Kel.

448. - Yeah? - You know what?

449. - What? - At least I tried.

450. What'd you do, Kel?

451. - Not try them on because I didn't want to.

452. You just sat there making fun, huh? All right.

453. That was my favorite part of the day,

454. because I didn't wanna try them on,

455. and then you were like, "No, I'll do it,

456. and then she'll have to do it,"

457. and you couldn't even get a pair on.

458. Let's go. - Come on back here.

459. - Moving swiftly along.

460. Hey, you guys wanna rope a little?

461. - Yeah. - Sure.

462. - Nothin' to it. You wanna give that a try, Jack?

463. - Okay.

464. - Pretend like you're on a really fast horse.

465. All right.

466. - Yeah, there you go.

467. Yah! - Oh, Jack!

468. - That was pretty good. - That was really good!

469. - That was outstanding. - Oh, nearly.

470. - I think you have a calling, Jack.

471. - I know. - It's almost like

472. throwing a rock. When you throw it,

473. you follow through with it and point right at that head.

474. - Oh, so close. - You are close.

475. Bet your first time you do this on a horse,

476. it's quite a rush. - Oh, no, it's a thrill.

477. Let me—let me throw one... - There you go.

478. - Real slow, 'cause I— you've got the motion perfect.

479. That's the way you rope.

480. - Let's see. I bet you I can't do this, but—

481. - Come on, Kel. I will try.

482. - No, you'll do well. No negative vibes.

483. You gotta believe. Hold it in your fingers like that.

484. - So—like this? - Yeah.

485. - Come on, Kel.

486. - Hold it—

487. - Oh, you psyched yourself out. - I did.

488. - Come on, Kelly, show us. - You got it.

489. Sorry, I didn't want to hit you with that.

490. - That was great, Kel. - You do it again.

491. - All right.

492. - I guarantee you'll get it this time.

493. - One more time. It's the last time.

494. This is it—all or nothing. - You can do it, Jack.

495. Go a little bit closer to it. - Jack has pretty good form.

496. - He does, doesn't he?

497. - It wouldn't take him any time at all before he...

498. I didn't care. I'm not wearing the right jacket

499. for it either. - No.

500. - Yeah! Yes! - Jackie!

501. - The man, the man.

502. - What a beautiful creature.

503. - Put that horn in the front.

504. - They're heavier than I remember.

505. I gotta turn around.

506. I can't even lift it up. It's a—

507. - Let me help you. - Thank you.

508. Okay.

509. When a horse expands their lungs and breathes in,

510. your whole legs go...

511. The ranch was a great idea,

512. because I loved the whole experience.

513. Whoa.

514. - Did you like riding the horse?

515. - I did, but my butt didn't.

516. - I'm just gonna get my other jacket. I'll be back.

517. - All right.

518. - You're gonna have a sore ass tomorrow.

519. - Why do you always gotta, like, go there?

520. - The is this? hell.

521. Oh, they'll...

522. - My horsie totally just farted.

523. - Polly! You!

524. - What is up, dude?

525. - I made you and Jack a sandwich.

526. - What is that? - I'm not eating that.

527. - What is that? - Ham and cheese, you know.

528. - No, no—no, no, no, no. - No.

529. - I went out of my way to please you—

530. - You know what?

531. - That's all you can do is complain.

532. Well, you.

533. I mean, just have a bite - No.

534. - You don't—you don't like it—

535. - Nope. Hey, listen, I'm gonna eat my yogurt for dinner.

536. - Oh, hell. It's a lovely sandwich.

537. - What is in the sandwich?

538. - It's up there, some. I don't know.

539. - So you put Spam and Cheese Whiz in a sandwich?

540. You got some on your chin, Jack—deez.

541. He got you, he got you!

542. - He did. - He got you!

543. - You did.

544. You get the zing for that one. You get the zing.

545. - You've been doing it for years.

546. I go, yes, it's a go. And it's so ha—oh.

547. - All right, all right, yeah.

548. All right. So...

549. That was three years coming your way, Jack.

550. - I was waiting.

551. - Oh, oh, my face hurts.

552. - You must have got me 50 times in the last year.

553. - Um, so do either one of you wanna camp with me?

554. - No. - No, thank you.

555. - You sure? - Yeah.

556. I love you, Jack, but I don't like waking up

557. to the smell of fresh horse.

558. So if you stay here,

559. what time do you want me to pick you up tomorrow?

560. - I need you to be here by 8:30. - In the morning?

561. - Yep. I have a surprise, and it's an hour and a half away.

562. All right, I am gonna go to bed, then.

563. - I love you. - Bye.

564. - [high-pitched voice] I love you too, Kelly.

565. - Yeah. - You're so mean!

566. Well, Dad and Kelly just left. I'm in my teepee.

567. Um...

568. Ooh, there he is. So tomorrow, bit of a busy day.

569. We're gonna head to Hatch, New Mexico,

570. where I will unveil my big surprise for Dad.

571. I just hope Dad and Kelly get here on time.

572. They're not the most punctual,

573. especially with me not being around.

574. It's gonna be hard to kinda...

575. get 'em going.

576. That being said, yeehaw.

577. - Any update on those trucks for Kelly?

578. You found it. Where are they?

579. Really? That close?

580. All right, bye. Wow, luck is on my side.

581. - I spent the night out here in the teepee.

582. I've texted Dad and Kelly, but it's super early,

583. so they probably won't be up for a little bit.

584. Um... So yeah, I guess it's me just waiting now.

585. - Hello? - Hi, Dada.

586. - Oh, Polly, thank you.

587. Hi. - Hi, Kel. How you doing?

588. - Good morning.

589. I got that text message you sent me about the surprise.

590. What is it? - I know you don't know,

591. but what do you think it could be?

592. A flight to England. It could be a new dress.

593. - I would be really excited if you bought me a new dress.

594. - I found you a couple of trucks.

595. - Really? - I found two of them.

596. Actually, Michael found them.

597. One's pristine. The other one needs a lot more work on it.

598. - I'm really excited.

599. - And it's not that far from here. Do you wanna go?

600. - Would Jack get mad if we go before we pick him up?

601. - It's on the way to pick up Jack.

602. - I am so excited.

603. So, Dad, we're a quarter of a mile away. We're here.

604. Who is it that we're looking for when we get here?

605. - A guy called John.

606. - A guy called John. - That...

607. - Oh... my... God.

608. - What? What? What are we looking at, Kel?

609. - The trucks, Dad. - Oh, my God, yeah.

610. - This is super cool.

611. Wow, that yellow one's cool.

612. Cool. - Hello.

613. - Hi. - You must be John.

614. - Yeah. Ozzy. - Pleased to meet you, sir.

615. Oh, this is my second time. I was in Ontario Speedway...

616. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - 1974, Emerson, Lake & Palmer,

617. Black Oak Arkansas, Rare Earth—

618. - Yeah, yeah. - And of course, Black Sabbath.

619. - Yeah. [Polly barking, growling]

620. - So, uh, Michael... - Yeah.

621. - The guy that... - Yeah, got ahold of me,

622. and you were interested in maybe looking at an old truck?

623. - Yes.

624. 6- Well, I've got a '62 and I've got a '66.

625. It's an '03 Mustang GT underneath.

626. - Yeah. - Oh, wow.

627. - It's got everything— tilt-wheel, AC, it's a 4.6—

628. - It has air conditioning? - Air conditioning.

629. - Beautiful car. - It's really beautiful.

630. - It's got keyless entry.

631. - No way! It's a manual, though, right?

632. - Yeah, it's a 5-speed trimming.

633. [engine starts, revs, growls] - There you go.

634. It sounds... - That sounds...

635. - Did you do the work on this yourself?

636. - Some of it. - Yeah.

637. It's also...

638. It's Bluetooth, so I can listen to your dad.

639. - Yeah, I texted Kelly like 15 minutes ago.

640. I'm still waiting for her.

641. It's been a while since I heard from her,

642. so I'm just kinda waiting to see what the deal is.

643. - This is a perfect time for you to learn to drive a stick.

644. This is a 1966 Ford F-100, almost all stock.

645. It's a 4-speed stick.

646. I could give you a little coaching.

647. - I have crashed every single manual car I've ever driven,

648. so it is a rule I just don't.

649. Well, the only thing you keep from hitting

650. is the motor home and my well. The rest of it, it's 4 acres.

651. - All right. - Uh—

652. - Come on, Kel. - Okay.

653. - You've just gotta remember the clutch.

654. Yeah.

655. - Pick up, pick up, wherever you are.

656. I'm waiting, Kelly. Come get me, please.

657. I'm gonna have to raise the price of that thing,

658. with Ozzy in it.

659. Do you see the way these cars smell?

660. I love it. - I like this truck.

661. - It's cool, huh?

662. - It was the first time I've driven a stick shift

663. in a long time.

664. It was easy, it was lovely. I had fun.

665. - See, Dad, you're not a terrible driver.

666. - It's been, like, 500 years since I last drove.

667. - But it's not terrible.

668. - I should start hitchhiking, get myself out there.

669. - When I was watching you in '74,

670. I don't remember a whole lot of it—

671. - You and me both. I mean, I have to watch

672. the video to see if it was me up there.

673. - Yeah. I just— February 16th of '88,

674. I stopped drinking, drugging, and cigarettes.

675. - Oh, yeah?

676. - And I just turned 30 years clean and sober.

677. - Wow, that's great.

678. - That's really—I'm coming up on five years.

679. - Five? Congratulations. - I'm available now.

680. - And we remember everything we do now.

681. - Kind of.

682. - It was nice seeing how well you got along with John as well.

683. - He was a nice guy. - He's one of—he's one of us.

684. John was like regular dude.

685. And look, he's giving me a photo of the car so I can—

686. - Oh, so do you maybe wanna get a truck now?

687. - Maybe. - Maybe Dad's into it, too?

688. Even though we went there for something I wanted to do,

689. it's something you ended up really enjoying, and—

690. - I know.

691. - Can I get a selfie with you and me?

692. Absolutely.

693. Thank you, John. God bless you.

694. - Thank you so much— really, thank you.

695. - Oh, you're welcome, honey.

696. That was awesome. You finally got my dad behind the wheel,

697. which is, like, never. - That's—that's great.

698. - Very nice man. - Very, very nice man.

699. Jack's gonna be so pissed off with us,

700. 'cause we're really late.

701. Is that him up there?

702. - Well, look who just decided to turn up,

703. 45 minutes late—rude.

704. - There's Jack... I think. What's up, Hooker? Hi.

705. - Nice of you guys to finally turn up.

706. - It's not like we left you, like—

707. - In the middle of nowhere? - Yeah. We did.

708. How was it?

709. - Cold, but I survived. Driver, let's go to Hatch.

710. I've got a surprise waiting.

711. - All right, everyone, welcome to Hatch,

712. the chili pepper capital of the world.

713. - This place looks cool.

714. - Burgers, barbecue, espresso, chili, chili, chili.

715. You guys are like my wife— the slowest walkers.

716. - You can off.

717. - Hello, hello. - Hello.

718. - Can we try your... - Yeah.

719. - Famous chocolate milkshake? - Yeah.

720. - Okay, we need three of those. - Let's fire that up.

721. - These are messy and delicious. - Wow.

722. - Let me get you guys some napkins.

723. - That's not a straw.

724. - Oh, wow, really interesting.

725. - Yeah? Are you—you look— I knew you'd like it.

726. - So you're a big fan of the spicy stuff, right?

727. - Love it.

728. I like it.

729. Where has it been all my life?

730. - So what do you think, success? - That was nectar.

731. I think, honestly... - I...

732. - I thought I was gonna hate it, and I don't.

733. - Look, I totally evaporated mine.

734. I loved it. I'm not bull.

735. I'm sold on it. - Nice.

736. - That's the first time, and it won't be the last time.

737. I love ice cream. So it's an unusual combination.

738. - Very unusual combination. - I loved it.

739. - How you guys feeling? You feeling festive?

740. - I think so. What is this? - Surprise!

741. - Whoo!

742. - Oh, my God, this is brilliant.

743. - How good is that? - This is so good.

744. - When anybody else plays some of the songs

745. I've written over the years, it's—it's kind of humbling.

746. It's a nice thing, you know. - And they were so good.

747. - Plus the fact that they sang it in Spanish.

748. - And I think it just goes to show

749. how timeless the songs are as well.

750. - I feel very honored that they

751. wanted to do it in the first place.

752. - Thank you.

753. - I really enjoyed the mariachi band.

754. I thought that was a really good surprise, and I think it...

755. - Pretty cool, right? - ... worked really well.

756. - I was surprised it actually sounded—

757. like, it came together as good as it did.

758. - They were amazing. Like, they were so good.

759. - And, Dad, this is Juan.

760. Juan put this all together for us.

761. - Thank you, Juan. Thank you. Thank you very much.

762. - How long did it take you to learn that?

763. - A week. - A week?

764. - Yes. - Better than me.

765. - Do you guys wanna get a picture?

766. - Thank you. Thank you very much.

767. - That was a-mazing. And I really liked the chilis.

768. - So far, so good, right? - Yeah.

769. - You know what I'm thinking of doing?

770. Getting all these different surprises of yours

771. and putting them on an album.

772. - It'd be great.

773. - It's a rocket place.

774. - Yep, this is where they tested bombs.

775. - Wow. - This is where all the...

776. - So where we're going, we're going to White—

777. - Isn't this where they got a thing under the—is it—

778. Where we're going— about 60 miles away

779. from where we're going is where they tested the first nuke.

780. But where we're going is the largest—

781. - What? What?

782. - We're going to a big, giant sand dune,

783. and it's one of the largest in the world.

784. The cool thing about this giant sand dune, too—

785. you can snowboard or sled down the side of it,

786. 'cause it's so big.

787. - Are you gonna do that? - I'm gonna sled down it.

788. - Hello. - Hi.

789. - Thank you so much. Have a lovely day.

790. - All right. See you, Ozzy. - All right, man.

791. - This is pretty cool.

792. - Wow, this place is awesome. - It's so beautiful.

793. - Hey, Kelly, over the shoulder.

794. - Weird, isn't it?

795. - It must be some kind of rock.

796. - Oh, it's gypsum. What's gypsum mean?

797. - No idea.

798. - It's weird. Wow, this is unbelievable.

799. - Look at these picnic tables, how cool they are, Jack.

800. - Pretty cool.

801. - This is unbelievable. - Wow.

802. Who's waving? Oh, no.

803. It's Ross.

804. - Oh, me, man.

805. Did you know Ross was gonna be there?

806. - I'd heard he might come out.

807. But if we don't tell you, and then we just spring it on you,

808. you don't have, like, days to freak out about it.

809. - No, but I'm still grumpy and pissed off,

810. but for less time. - Pissed for less time, exactly.

811. - What's he doing here now?

812. Hasn't he got enough photos of me?

813. hell. How long you been here?

814. - Hours! I'm freezing!

815. - And White Sands was awesome, man.

816. - Yeah.

817. - Walk sideways.

818. - I've got sand everywhere!

819. - The setting was befitting for Ross—

820. standing in a sandstorm.

821. The wind was, like, a really, really cold wind.

822. - Come on, come up to the top! - this.

823. - How cool is this?

824. - this. This ain't a very good idea, Ross.

825. - It is. We'll do it— I'll make it look good.

826. Oi, oi, oi, oi, oi!

827. Get that dog out!

828. - Excuse me? - I don't want dog marks.

829. - No. - What?

830. Ozzy, go there and aim your head into the wind

831. so it blows your hair back— yes, good, that's great.

832. - This is awesome.

833. - It is awesome. - Kel—

834. - It looks awesome.

835. Smile. - I am.

836. Yay, Polly!

837. - That ain't sand. It's ice.

838. - This is like where heaven meets Earth.

839. I've never seen anything like this.

840. - I don't mind that it's weather, too.

841. - Kelly! - What?

842. - Can you get out the picture? - Hey, Polly!

843. Now, give me one you're... - It's cold.

844. - One more. - I'm freezing.

845. - All right.

846. - Wow, let's see if we can get more.

847. - This is one of the most beautiful things

848. I've ever seen in my life.

849. - All right, now give me the scream.

850. Huh, that would help, if I took the cover off.

851. - Polly, smile. - Smile, Polly!

852. - Kel, keep going.

853. - You're cold? I'm cold.

854. I been here for a hour. - Oh, you.

855. - Let's walk over there. Try—

856. - No, I'm going back to the van, this.

857. - Bob, that's the sun's name.

858. You know why? Big orange ball—Bob.

859. - It felt like I was on some sort of Jedi island.

860. - Yes, we agree.

861. - Look to the light.

862. Wow, that's really nice, Kelly.

863. Smile. No, that's terrible. Don't smile.

864. you. You're an absolute.

865. - When I was younger, I traveled all over the world,

866. and didn't give—all I wanted to do was take drugs,

867. you know, and get drunk. And as you get older,

868. you suddenly appreciate the world.

869. You know, you think, wow, have I got my—

870. I got good stuff

871. of old Misery Guts looking like Ozzy of Arabia.

872. Hang on. I shoot a lot. Wait.

873. - Oh, that's so good.

874. - I would love to go back to White Sands.

875. I would love to take Mum there. - Mm-hmm.

876. - You know, I wish Dad was in a better mood.

877. - It would have been better with—

878. like, if we could have all, as a trio, enjoyed it.

879. - I wish Dad would have stayed up here.

880. - I know. I wish he would have

881. stayed up here for a picture with us.

882. But this is awesome.

883. - Freezing. Oh!

884. - It's way better than I thought it was gonna be.

885. - The vastness of it is just insane.

886. You glad you're on the road?

887. - Even if everything kinda sucks from here out,

888. this makes it worth it.

889. - Oh, so much so. It was a great experience.

890. You know, I loved experiencing it with you.

891. It was a nice little moment.

892. - 100% agree with you. It was just beautiful.

893. I didn't know what to expect.

894. - Why bother walking down when you can slide down?

895. Here you go.

896. With the grace and elegance of a swan.

897. There you go. You got it.

898. Now lean back.

899. - How does it stop? I don't like it!

900. - Wow. You're a real pro at that.

901. - But I don't like it.

902. - Whoo! National parks.

903. - Getting to spend time with you and Dad

904. and going to all of these places really does mean

905. a lot to me, and it's really awesome.

906. - It is. I have a mouthful of sand.

907. - Me, too, and it's like... - It's sand in my drink.

908. - Probably in my bum, and it's in my eyes—

909. - Here he is! - Hi, Dada, are you okay?

910. - Yeah, I'm all right.

911. - It was a-mazing up there, watching the sunset.

912. - Oh, my God, it was like the most beautiful sunset—

913. - One of the—the prettiest I've ever seen.

914. - Give me her.

915. - She said, "I like being in this—the sand."

916. - Keep me warm.

917. Hey, we came, we saw, we got photographed.

918. Mum will be happy.

919. All right, shall we head off?

920. - It is time to settle up. - What?

921. - You owe me $175... - For what?

922. - ... in the jar, for all of the "deez" jokes.

923. - Take a check?

924. - Jack owes me like $600, so—

925. - Well, it's his job. Call it $200.

926. Deez jokes, deez jokes.

927. - Thank you.