Ozzy and Jack's World Detour 3x2

1. - Morning.

2. I've got this song in my head,

3. I'm going to have to play it for you.

4. Here we go.

5. I love you.

6. - I love you more.

7. - My name's Jack Osbourne, world adventurer, thrill-seeker,

8. and adrenaline junkie.

9. - Wow.

10. - And this is my dad Ozzy— heavy metal god—

11. - Are you ready?

12. —Prince of Darkness, and loving grandfather.

13. Growing up, my dad was away from home a lot touring,

14. and we missed hanging out.

15. So now we've decided to hit the road together and make up

16. for lost time, taking in all the beauty—

17. - Wow.

18. —and the bizarre that America has to offer.

19. And my sister Kelly is coming along for the ride.

20. - Keep going— stop, stop, stop—

21. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

22. - I just hit a cactus.

23. - It's about to get interesting.

24. - All aboard!

25. - Welcome to "Ozzy and Jack's World Detour."

26. - Let's rock and roll.

27. - All right, so I'm at home here in Los Angeles,

28. waiting for the baby.

29. She is due any day now.

30. So Dad had to get out of town because he just

31. isn't enjoying any of the promo that is coming along.

32. Mum is really putting him to the grind and so he's—

33. I think he's using a bit of adventuring as his

34. way of getting out of it.

35. So him and Kelly have hit the road.

36. So I've set up a bunch of stops for them in Arizona.

37. One of the stops is the Biosphere,

38. which is something that I've wanted to do so badly for,

39. like, such a long time, ever since I was a kid

40. and I saw that movie with, like, Pauly Shore,

41. and they get, like, locked in there.

42. And there's also a bit of a musical surprise

43. that I have arranged.

44. And that's why it's really important that Kelly sticks

45. to the schedule, because she has to be at a certain place

46. at a certain time to see this musical surprise.

47. It's gonna be exciting for them,

48. and they're gonna have a lot of fun.

49. And I guess we'll see how Kelly does on her own in Arizona.

50. Fingers crossed for Kelly.

51. I hope we— she can pull it off.

52. - What the—what is this place, a golf club or something?

53. This is my first day back on the road with this time Kelly.

54. Things have already improved.

55. Look—I got my own equipment for exercising,

56. I've got an open fire, I've got plenty of room in the place.

57. Whereas if Jack was here I'd be in a tent in some—

58. on some reservation somewhere looking for wood for the fire.

59. This is luxury, man.

60. - Hi!

61. How's Lisa, is the baby close?

62. The baby is close,

63. we think, but you know, this thing isn't an exact science.

64. She's having all sorts of not-so-fun contractions.

65. - What's the plan today?

66. - There's this place called the Biosphere

67. that is definitely on my bucket list,

68. which probably became the most famous due

69. to a parody film known as "Bio-Dome."

70. And this place boasts that it has,

71. like, every available climate on planet Earth inside of the dome.

72. So it's got, like, tropical and—

73. - Do they have snow?

74. - I don't know, that's a good question.

75. - Oh, you just love saying the word "tundra."

76. And I can see it on your face.

77. You don't know what tundra is,

78. do you?

79. - I don't give a what tundra is,

80. but it's obviously got to do something with cold weather.

81. Oh.

82. - Oh, you, because I'm right.

83. Move on.

84. Okay.

85. Well, you guys have a good day, enjoy the bio-dome.

86. I'm jealous you go to go there.

87. And make sure Dad stays out of trouble.

88. - If the baby—anything— please call me.

89. You promise?

90. I don't wanna miss the birth.

91. - Yeah, I'll let you know for sure.

92. Ah!

93. - Oh, now you're making me yawn.

94. you, I love you, bye.

95. - Bye.

96. - Come on, Kelly, where the hell are you?

97. It's now 10 past 11, and my daughter's

98. still getting makeup.

99. me.

100. What do you think, Jack?

101. If it wasn't for me,

102. she'd still be at a mall with her dumb friends.

103. - You're right.

104. I spend most of my time now waiting on my daughter.

105. Jack gets up, gets dressed, and we're off.

106. Women and time just weren't meant for each other.

107. - Hi, Dada.

108. - What took you so long?

109. - I didn't even know you were down here.

110. - I've been waiting for about half an hour.

111. - I've just been sat in the room.

112. Say good morning to Grandpa.

113. - Oh, what's—

114. - Are you ready, Dad?

115. We're going to the bio-dome.

116. - Finally.

117. - I've been told that it's not that far away.

118. - The Biosphere I think was a place where people would

119. volunteer to spend like a year or something,

120. but a year is a long time to be stuck in there.

121. - I love where your mind goes;

122. straight to "I could stay there if I have sex."

123. - No—no, I didn't— I didn't say—

124. - What do you mean, the best—

125. - See, you're— - No, what do you mean—

126. —"the best woman in the world?"

127. - I'm—no—

128. - Why couldn't you have— "I don't care if I had

129. my best mate there or not?"

130. - All right—

131. - You said "woman."

132. - Okay, I made a clerical error.

133. - Uh-huh.

134. Look, Biosphere 2 in half a mile.

135. I don't see it.

136. Is it supposed to be, like, blended in with the landscape?

137. I see a tiny little shack over there.

138. - Oh, that's it, it's a bio-shed.

139. - Can you see it anywhere, Dad?

140. - See what?

141. - The Biosphere! I can't see—

142. - Oh, I could see - all but desert.

143. - This is bonkers.

144. Oh, we see another car, that's encouraging.

145. - They're leave— they're leaving.

146. - I don't get it.

147. I don't see this thing anywhere.

148. - Look—Biosphere 2, there's a gate.

149. We must be going the right way.

150. Dad, look, I think that's it.

151. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that looks like it.

152. - It's cool.

153. - Wow.

154. This is unbelievable.

155. It's a Biosphere.

156. - So Dada, we're here and we're supposed to look

157. for a guy named John.

158. Jack told me that on the phone this morning.

159. - John or Jack?

160. - Jack told me that we need to look for a guy named John.

161. - I think that man standing there is John.

162. - Johnny.

163. This is Johnny.

164. - Hi, I'm Kelly. You John?

165. - I'm John. - Nice to meet you.

166. - Nice meeting you. - Hi, John.

167. - How you doing?

168. You guys ready to go inside?

169. - Yeah, sure.

170. - Come on in.

171. - Do people still live here?

172. - No—so no one lives inside.

173. The University of Arizona now runs it as a research facility.

174. - Researching for?

175. - So we look at how changes in our climate are gonna

176. impact things like the rain forest, the coral reef.

177. - Oh, yeah, yeah. - Oh, wow.

178. - So this is a way to experiment with Earth and try to

179. understand what might happen in the future.

180. - I understand this is Biosphere 2.

181. What happened to Biosphere 1?

182. - So Biosphere 1's the Earth.

183. So when they built this facility,

184. they wanted to model it after Biosphere 1,

185. the Earth itself.

186. So that's why it's called Biosphere 2.

187. But we're gonna take you guys inside

188. and look around a little bit.

189. - Wow. - It's amazing.

190. - It's an amazing place.

191. There's no other place like it in the word.

192. What we're gonna do first I think is look at the

193. living quarters, where they lived.

194. - Okay.

195. So how many people were in here?

196. - Eight people.

197. - Oh.

198. - Four men, four women.

199. - Oh.

200. - What's in here—wow!

201. Is this like an apartment where they lived?

202. - This is their apartment, yes.

203. - I mean, it's not terrible.

204. - It's quite nice.

205. - No, and you had your downstairs living area,

206. you had your sleeping loft upstairs.

207. You had, you know, at least a little bit of space

208. to get away from the people you're living with.

209. - I thought the living quarters were nice.

210. I feel like I could possibly do that.

211. - Yeah, but when you stop and think two years in this

212. place, two years is a long time.

213. - Yeah it is.

214. - This is really cool.

215. - Now that, like, you see this, Dad,

216. go ahead and ask what you wanted to ask in the car.

217. - You ask, not me. You—

218. - Go ahead and ask. - You ask.

219. - My dad wanted to know if any of the people in—

220. the Biosphereans—dated.

221. - They did date.

222. So these two right here were a couple.

223. Here's another common question everybody wants to know—

224. you know, were there any babies or anything, so no—

225. - Were there?

226. - No, there were not.

227. - You wanted to know.

228. - So Oz, watch your head as you go through;

229. watch your step there.

230. - What I found most interesting is when we kind of like went

231. inside and we saw, like, the big coolers and—

232. - I didn't realize it was all one complex.

233. - It's crazy that that dome is 136,000 square feet.

234. - You go to one level and you've got a forest;

235. go to another level and you've got the ocean.

236. - Did you guys bring your bathing suits?

237. - No.

238. - It was just amazing.

239. - So this is a saltwater tank out here.

240. We do have some fish that live in this ocean system.

241. And I'm gonna have you guys help me today—

242. we're gonna release some of these strawberry crabs

243. and these long-spine urchins.

244. They're actually gonna help us eat some of

245. the algae we have in here.

246. Have you release them while you're in the boat.

247. - Okay.

248. - Just stay nice and low— there you go.

249. Kelly, when you pick them up, just be careful.

250. You can grab the tip of the spine on the urchins.

251. And for the crabs, you just pinch their back.

252. - Maiden voyage.

253. - Turn it that way a bit more, Dad.

254. - I've only got one —

255. - We're gonna head to 16, Dad. - Okay, I know.

256. - We're gonna hit the reef.

257. Are we good here?

258. - Perfect.

259. - Just dump them in Kelly.

260. - Just go ahead and drop them on the rocks.

261. - Oh my god, I just broke one of the thingies off!

262. - But darling, that's what they do.

263. Just tip it in, Kel, don't—

264. - Oh, look at that!

265. Oh my god.

266. - Oh my—Kelly, just dump the thing—

267. - Sorry!

268. I'm really sorry!

269. - It's dead.

270. - Did I hurt it?

271. - Dad, you take one.

272. Take a little crab.

273. - Perfect.

274. - I was, like, gracefully taking each one out.

275. You just took it and went dunk.

276. I'm like, oh.

277. - Can I row?

278. - No, no, we'll be in here all week with you rowing.

279. - Oh, come on.

280. - We're talking about the ocean.

281. You could have helped me when I was going around

282. in circles.

283. - Are you kidding me?

284. You wouldn't let me row.

285. - What do you mean, I—

286. - You would not let me row.

287. I wanted to row.

288. - Really?

289. - Yes.

290. - Try to go forward, this way.

291. - We're stuck

292. - This way.

293. - On a rock.

294. - Push off the rocks.

295. Ozzy, you might wanna push on the—that side,

296. and go this way.

297. - Dad, I'm impressed with your rowing skills.

298. - See that rope?

299. You can throw that to John when you get close enough.

300. - I'm sorry.

301. - Oh, that's okay.

302. - So what we're gonna do is we're gonna exit out now.

303. - Yeah.

304. - But my me opening this door,

305. we're essentially depressurizing Biosphere.

306. So you're gonna feel a pretty significant

307. wind pushing you out that door.

308. So watch your step as you go out,

309. you're gonna feel it.

310. - Oh, wow.

311. - Come closer here, turn around.

312. - Okay, let me get a video of you, Dad.

313. - Talk about a blow-dryer, I should have washed

314. my hair before I got in there.

315. - Thank you.

316. - So one more door,

317. and then we're gonna let you out.

318. Watch your step.

319. It's just the opposite now— it's pushing you in.

320. - Oh, wow. That's amazing.

321. - And you guys are now outside.

322. - That was fantastic.

323. - Oh, my pleasure.

324. Hello?

325. - It's me.

326. - Hi, Dada.

327. Hi.

328. - Hello.

329. Oh.

330. - Take a seat.

331. - Have you heard from Jack?

332. - No, not yet.

333. I was gonna wait for you to call him.

334. - It's great having you out.

335. - I'll see if you still think that by the end of today.

336. Let's call Jackie.

337. - Come here, you.

338. Hi, Jack.

339. Hi.

340. - So how long before you think you'll come out?

341. - Two weeks?

342. I've gotta be with Kelly on my own for two weeks?

343. - Oh, don't act like it's such a big—

344. Poor you.

345. - By the way, he's such a liar.

346. He's already saying that he's having a better time

347. with me because we're actually staying in a hotel.

348. - Oh, you can off, you can—

349. That's nice.

350. - off, Jackie.

351. What?

352. - Oh, okay.

353. I've seen it on TV.

354. That's the place where they take bits off them to

355. keep other planes flying.

356. Yes.

357. - That's really cool.

358. - It's like the "Mad Max" of airplanes.

359. - Is it a him or a her?

360. - No, Dad, there's no man named Jennifer.

361. - Oh, sorry, what am I thinking?

362. - All right, I'll see you guys later.

363. - All right, bye. - Love you, bye.

364. - Bye.

365. - Come on, Polly.

366. I'm ready.

367. Let's hit the road.

368. Can you hold her while I drive, please?

369. - Come here, you.

370. I got ya now.

371. - Yes, baby.

372. [bang, shattering glass] Ah!

373. - Dada.

374. - What?

375. - What exactly do you know about this airplane boneyard?

376. - I've seen it on TV.

377. I'm interested to be going there.

378. - Are any of them, ike, buried?

379. - No, no, no.

380. - They're all above ground.

381. - It's a boneyard, it's not like a—a—

382. - Well, I don't know.

383. - Can't have a funeral—

384. - I was getting imaginative.

385. —for a 747.

386. - The thing for me is that most of the stuff that

387. we've done is not stuff that I'm like,

388. oh, I've waited my whole life to do this.

389. - Yeah.

390. - This is on my bucket list.

391. It was stuff that—

392. - Well, it's set up by Jack, and he wanted—

393. - And that he wanted to do.

394. - He wanted— yeah, yeah, yeah.

395. - And I didn't really care.

396. This stuff was more on my -it list;

397. I don't wanna do it, but-

398. - Well, Colonel Jennie, we're gonna see her.

399. - I've never heard of a female colonel.

400. She's—

401. - Do not be sexist. I think it's badass.

402. - I'm not. I'm not sexist—

403. - "I've never heard of a female colonel."

404. - you. hell.

405. - Ooh, I think we're getting close.

406. Oh, look, it says Air Force base up there, Dad.

407. Maybe I'll find myself a hot military man.

408. Rude.

409. - Look at him.

410. hell.

411. Wow.

412. I didn't expect there to be this many planes.

413. - This is enormous.

414. Wow.

415. Look, it's as far as you can see, any direction.

416. The sheer volume of 4,000 planes, or 8,000 engines.

417. It was just mind-blowing.

418. - Hello. - Hello, how are you?

419. - Hello.

420. - Welcome to the Aerospace Maintenance

421. and Regeneration Group.

422. - I don't think I've ever seen so many airplanes

423. in my life in one place.

424. - This is the only place in the world you can see 4,000

425. airplanes in one spot.

426. - It's unbelievable.

427. - And what we do is we've stored them and preserved them

428. in case they might need to fly again.

429. So several of the airplanes—

430. - Oh, they—they- they can fly again, yeah?

431. - Yeah.

432. It'll take some months of work to put them back together,

433. and they get regenerated and they go fly.

434. - Oh, wow.

435. - Yeah.

436. Let's go see a bunch of airplanes.

437. - The first thing I wanna point out right here on

438. the corner is this B-52.

439. - Yeah?

440. - And this particular one is famous because

441. the tail broke off in flight.

442. - Wow.

443. - And it flew for five more hours before finally

444. landing in Arkansas.

445. - hell's bells.

446. - Well, Mark, if you wanna start heading down—

447. - We are rolling, ma'am.

448. - So after these engines we're gonna come up on some F-16s

449. that are getting ready to be regenerated.

450. And they end up going over to become drones,

451. so then they get used as what's called

452. "full-scale aerial targets."

453. - Wow.

454. I don't know about planes, but I did think that it

455. was the coolest way of recycling I've ever seen.

456. And if they need a new part for something,

457. rather than having the part made,

458. they take it off of the planes there and send it back so it's

459. recycling everything.

460. - I was just mind-blown with that whole place, you know.

461. Oh—oh, wow.

462. Wow.

463. - I'm Major Flemming. I go by Sparkles.

464. - Lovely to meet you.

465. - Hi, Major Flemming. Nice to meet you.

466. - Do you fly that plane?

467. - I do fly this type of airplane, yes.

468. - Wow.

469. - So this is the A-10, and it's a pretty awesome airplane.

470. - Do you wanna get up closer to this one?

471. - Sure.

472. - Can we? - Absolutely.

473. - It was really badass that Major Sparkles flew that plane.

474. Seeing with my own eyes that there were high-ranking

475. women in the military.

476. - I mean, to see—I mean, you expect a colonel to

477. be like a— brazen person.

478. - I expect a colonel to sell fried chicken.

479. - What?

480. Wow.

481. - Who wants to climb in?

482. - Go in.

483. - Will you hold her?

484. - Don't touch anything.

485. - Do not drop my dog.

486. How many hours do you fly for, usually?

487. - Usually about two hours, but my longest flight is 11 hours.

488. - What if you wanna use the bathroom when you're flying?

489. - Oh, it's really tricky.

490. The guys have it a lot easier.

491. - Yeah.

492. - I mean, if you're going to battle,

493. and you wanna use the bathroom—

494. - That's what I was thinking too.

495. When I was looking around I'm like,

496. "But when you've gotta pee, you gotta pee.

497. - And when you've gotta poop, you gotta poop.

498. That's a Gatling gun, innit?

499. - It is, yes, sir.

500. It'll shoot approximately 70—70 rounds a second.

501. - What?

502. - Two-pound rounds.

503. - So, I mean, you can imagine what the unit takes, and—

504. - That can rip the out of things.

505. - Yeah.

506. - That Gatling gun on the front unloads

507. like a thousand rounds a second.

508. - That's insane.

509. - And it sort of spins around.

510. But they're big.

511. - I would like to introduce you to some people that are

512. on the fighter wing side of this base.

513. - Okay.

514. - This is Colonel Scott "Soup" Campbell.

515. - Hi.

516. - He's the fighter wing commander here.

517. - Sir, great to finally meet you.

518. One of the things that we figured you had to have,

519. if you're gonna come here and visit a fighter wing on

520. Air Force base, is we had to deck you out

521. in the proper attire.

522. - Wow.

523. - So we—we made sure your nametag was appropriate

524. as the—the Prince of Darkness on there.

525. Sparkles has one for you, Kelly, as well

526. - No way, really? - Yeah!

527. - Those jackets were awesome, and the fact that it has

528. that thing that says the Prince of Darkness,

529. and mine had my name on it, it was—that is so awesome.

530. - That was very cool.

531. - So last night I was digging through some old stuff,

532. and you'll never guess what I found.

533. - Oh my gosh, that's so cool.

534. - They're rare.

535. - Yeah.

536. Well, that's why I've held on to it all these years.

537. And the best part was is I showed some of my

538. young airmen this—they had no idea what it was.

539. - A tape?

540. - Half of them don't even know what a CD if you showed

541. it to them.

542. - I haven't seen a cassette tape in like 20 years.

543. - 83, I recorded that one.

544. - That's 34 years old, that tape was.

545. The best part about that to me was that he's kept

546. that tape for that long,

547. and he's had your music for that long.

548. - If you go to the Goodwill, you can buy a tape player.

549. - Yeah.

550. - But that's about it, I think.

551. I did feel bad that I got to go and see that and Jack didn't,

552. because I know he would have got so much out of that.

553. - And Jack would have really had a good time.

554. - I know, I feel sad he's not here.

555. - Hello, darling.

556. - Hi.

557. - Where are you, at Jack's?

558. - Yeah, I'm at Jack's.

559. - Bringing—bringing over from where?

560. - Ross is coming?

561. - Chin up—chin down a bit— chin up.

562. No, you look ridiculous.

563. Chin up.

564. Don't lean down.

565. You're looking thin.

566. - I don't know.

567. I've just had it out a week ago with him.

568. It's a wind-up, yeah?

569. - This is a retreat from all that.

570. No, come on, Ozzy.

571. - I've got no choice if you've already booked it.

572. - So is there anything you need him to bring?

573. - Yeah, a knife so I can stab him in the eye.

574. - Right, I'll put that on the list.

575. I miss you.

576. - I miss you too.

577. Love you.

578. I love you, darling.

579. - Speak to you soon—bye.

580. - Come on, Polly.

581. Hi, Dada.

582. - Hi, Kel.

583. - I don't know, I feel like I could possibly be getting sick.

584. I don't feel 100 percent.

585. So can we just chill tonight and not do anything?

586. - Yeah.

587. - I just think we've just been driving for so long,

588. and it's just catching up to me.

589. - Yeah.

590. - Do you wanna do a face mask?

591. - Okay.

592. - Is that a good sign or a bad sign?

593. - It's good.

594. - I promise I won't get it in your eye.

595. I can't get it with my nails.

596. - Oh, what?

597. Green!

598. - Green is healthy, green is good.

599. —

600. - Green is the color of money.

601. - Yeah.

602. - It smells nice.

603. - Like my ass.

604. - If your ass smelled like that then you'd be

605. a real billionaire, Dad.

606. If you do this, make sure you don't go anywhere near

607. my eyes or my eyebrows.

608. - All right.

609. The Fuhrer!

610. - You are such a

611. How could you do that to me?

612. I'm half Jewish!

613. Get it off my—

614. - The Fuhrer!

615. - Dad, please, take this off, come on.

616. - Let's have a look.

617. - No!

618. - Frank Zappa!

619. - Dad, you're putting a lot on.

620. It's in my mouth.

621. - It can't be poisonous.

622. - Well, we'll soon find out, won't we?

623. I hope so.

624. I have.

625. I really enjoy spending time with you,

626. and it kinda makes me a bit envious of Jack that he's got to

627. spend three years doing this with you.

628. And the moment—like, we've created memories that we'll have

629. forever, and that's one thing about this that I really,

630. really love doing.

631. - I loved it.

632. I loved having you out.

633. I love you, Kel.

634. - I love you more, Dad.

635. - We look like a pair of idiots.

636. Oh yeah—your mum called,

637. and she had a surprise or me.

638. - I didn't wanna be the one to break it to you, though.

639. But at least it's Ross, and we know him.

640. - Yeah.

641. - It's the mouth that gets me, on him.

642. - Yeah, let's go.

643. - And remember my eyes are there for me to see.

644. - I know.

645. - Don't poke the things out.

646. Ow!

647. - off!

648. Oh, you are such a dick!

649. Hold on.

650. - What the you doing?

651. - I am fixing it.

652. - Well, don't paint my eye.

653. - Okay.

654. Now, kinda do that with your finger in your eye.

655. Oh, thank you.

656. Dad, that is so gross.

657. Move your hand.

658. - What are you doing, all messed up?

659. - No, Dad, it's now all messed up because you moved.

660. - That's all right, Kel.

661. It's pretty good.

662. - You act like I've never put eyeliner on you before.

663. - Where are we doing these photo shoot?

664. - In the middle of the desert.

665. - Oh,

666. - Are you excited for the photo shoot?

667. - To be honest with you,

668. he must have took 8,000 photos last week.

669. - He said you looked "too nice."

670. - Well, he took the photos, not me.

671. - Just chuck a cactus at Ross if he's not being nice.

672. Oh my god, seriously?

673. What the is this?

674. - Ross found this?

675. What, is this guy drunk?

676. - It's where old people come to die.

677. I mean, trust Ross to send us an address to go to

678. that's not even a real address.

679. We get a longitude and latitude.

680. Well, I have to find this road that's not even a road

681. in the middle of a desert.

682. - We should have rented a camel.

683. hell.

684. - It's in the middle of nowhere.

685. - What the —what—what— what

686. is Ross doing?

687. I mean, it's ridiculous.

688. - That's gotta be him in that truck all the way up there,

689. pulled over.

690. - Why here? This is crazy.

691. - Dad, you are here to make love to the camera in the desert.

692. - What—what are we doing here?

693. - Are you gonna come and do a picture?

694. - You want me in a picture?

695. - Yeah, come on and do it—

696. - Absolutely not.

697. - Oh, off.

698. - I did not agree to this, Ross.

699. - Get out!

700. Come and— come and do a shot.

701. - I really don't want my picture taken, Ross.

702. - Come on, smile, you miserable pair of father and daughter.

703. - I don't like that.

704. Thank you.

705. - Kelly, come on.

706. - I mean, I've known Ross for—ever.

707. He must have more photos of me than anybody.

708. But he'll go, "I've never done a photo of you underwater."

709. - Oh, that's it, you're screwed.

710. He's coming on the rest of your tour.

711. - Oh,

712. The am I doing out here, Ross?

713. Didn't you get enough photos last week?

714. - We're in the desert, that's why we're out here.

715. We can cook you.

716. What—

717. - Be nice.

718. - Be nice? off.

719. Be nice.

720. Can we try it without the hat?

721. Just give your hair a—

722. - Hold on.

723. - Have you got a hairbrush?

724. Get me a hairbrush.

725. - No, let go—don't— don't do that.

726. - Okay.

727. - Yeah.

728. - Yeah?

729. - Looks like.

730. - That's all right.

731. So do the one with the arm, like—that's what we want.

732. Come on, but look—

733. - But don't look like you're in pain.

734. - Yeah, look like you're, like, crazy Ozzy.

735. That's it, yeah—come on.

736. That's it.

737. Turn to the light.

738. Oz, do it again.

739. - Oh, okay.

740. - Yeah, thank you.

741. - What are we doing now?

742. - It's really dirty down there.

743. - No, I didn't mean get down, I meant look down.

744. Oh, that's good, yeah.

745. - Are we done now?

746. - Yeah.

747. - Of course we're done.

748. I'm getting out of here.

749. - Oi, oi, oi—

750. - Oh, that.

751. - One more, come on, hold on—

752. - You've got enough of me.

753. - No, no, no you don't.

754. Put the glasses on and do one more.

755. - No!

756. - Oz!

757. I think he's done.

758. - This is th - Just desert.

759. - So when I was putting all the information in the map,

760. I found this thing that said Rooster Cogburn's Ostrich Farm,

761. and it's on the way, so I thought we could stop.

762. - Cog, like with a G. - Cock?

763. - No. Cog.

764. - Cog-burn.

765. - What?

766. - I wanna stop at an ostrich farm.

767. - Cog.

768. - Oh, here, is that there?

769. Ah, I missed the turning.

770. - Oh, yeah—oh, yeah.

771. Keep left.

772. - Now where do you go?

773. In one mile, turn left—

774. - Wait, can I do a U-turn here?

775. - No, no.

776. You could have turned there.

777. - Oh, stop talking to me.

778. I—I keep missing the turns.

779. - I will not talk again, to you or anyone,

780. ever again.

781. Zip.

782. So you can drive as much as you like,

783. turn around wherever you like.

784. I will not talk.

785. - Stop.

786. - Ever.

787. - Stop.

788. You think I could do a U-turn here?

789. - Again.

790. - Ah!

791. Stop!

792. - Yeah, what's this here?

793. - There we go.

794. Oh my god.

795. - It's a dirt road, Kelly.

796. You'll be sorry you got on.

797. Proceed to the route.

798. - I don't think this thing knows where we are.

799. Oh my god—"Caution, use road at your own risk.

800. "This surface is not regularly maintained."

801. - No, Kelly, just-

802. - In one mile, turn left onto—

803. - Shut up!

804. - How do I turn around? I'm scared.

805. - What the wrong with you?

806. - This is worse than Austin Powers.

807. - I'm glad that you are so funny.

808. I just hit a cactus.

809. Are you kidding me?

810. - Are you done now?

811. - Hello.

812. - Are you excited?

813. - No.

814. - Oh, come on

815. - I recognize you guys.

816. - Hi.

817. - We're gonna go have a whole lot of fun.

818. I know you're an animal lover.

819. - I am.

820. - And you're gonna have a whole lot of fun, Ozzy.

821. I'm Dana.

822. - And I'm Rooster Cogburn.

823. Pleased to meet you, young man.

824. - I'm Kelly, lovely to meet you, Rooster.

825. - All right.

826. Well, you guys just follow us.

827. We're gonna go have some fun with some critters.

828. - Thank you.

829. You have donkeys!

830. - We do.

831. Yeah, so this is Smiley.

832. See her smiling at you?

833. - Hi, Smiley! Hello.

834. - Are they full-grown?

835. - They are.

836. - Yeah.

837. - They're called miniature Sicilian donkeys.

838. They're from the Mediterranean.

839. - These are amazing.

840. Oh, god, he got my finger.

841. - Let's move on, guys, we've got a lot to see.

842. - This is the Hole in the Wall Gang.

843. What you wanna do here is take one piece of food—

844. watch their little lips work for it like that.

845. Okay?

846. Here's the fun part.

847. Take a piece of food, put it in your lips like this—

848. and you get a goat kiss.

849. - Are you gonna do it, Dad?

850. - Yeah.

851. - He's going in.

852. - Hey! - There ya go.

853. - He didn't a long one.

854. - Do you remember that one goat that was, like,

855. really going for it?

856. - Yeah.

857. - Ugh.

858. I love animals.

859. Not like that, but-

860. - Y'all ready to go out in the ostriches now?

861. - Yeah, okay.

862. - Come on.

863. They bite?

864. - Yeah, see the sign?

865. I wanna show you how to get them to eat out of your hand.

866. - Okay.

867. - Flat, then you just raise your hand.

868. It's like kissing a girl—you gotta meet 'em halfway.

869. - Ooh, god, I'm scared of that.

870. - An egg!

871. - That's a real ostrich egg.

872. They just laid it.

873. - Do you see their feet?

874. Only bird in the world that just has two toes.

875. And with that foot, they have about 500 pounds per

876. square inch of force in their kick.

877. They can kill a lion with one kick.

878. - Really?

879. - Really bad.

880. That's the egg you just saw.

881. It was just fresh laid, it's probably still warm.

882. - Wow.

883. - Weighs about four pounds.

884. - Let's go outside and see if he wants to stand on this egg.

885. - I wanna go show you how strong these eggs are.

886. - Come on.

887. - So I want you to put one foot up on there.

888. - Slow and easy.

889. - That's amazing.

890. - Takes 300 pounds to bust that egg.

891. - Do you like your shirt, Dad?

892. - Yeah, it's all right.

893. - They're cool.

894. I thought that it was really cool to see the goats

895. and the donkeys, though.

896. They're so funny.

897. - That's so cute.

898. Is it true you named Jack after one of your donkeys?

899. - There's a good chance I might have.

900. - All right, so the baby countdown continues.

901. I'm here in L. A. still,

902. waiting to catch that baby.

903. My dad and sister are having a grand old time in Arizona.

904. So something special about this year on the road—

905. I've decided to incorporate a heavy musical element

906. to what we're doing.

907. And it's gonna be culturally relevant to where we're going,

908. but they're gonna be performing some of my dad's music.

909. So we kinda saw it as a way to hopefully inspire him as he goes

910. on his world tour so he could really see how his music has

911. kind of penetrated pop culture across the entire country.

912. I've set up for them to visit this ghost town,

913. and there's gonna be a very special musical surprise there,

914. and they have to get there in time.

915. If they don't, it's gonna blow the entire surprise.

916. And they've gotta be there at sundown on the last day.

917. Hopefully this is the start of many cool,

918. awesome performances we're gonna be seeing.

919. - Hi, dude, where are you?

920. I'm at home.

921. - When are they expecting the baby to arrive?

922. - Technically today.

923. - So it could happen today?

924. - I mean, it could, but I don't think it's likely.

925. - Where are we going now, Jack?

926. But there's an old ghost town—

927. - Okay.

928. - You'll enjoy it.

929. It's a lot of fun.

930. There is a surprise there for you.

931. - It's not a stupid surprise, is it?

932. - No, not a stupid surprise,

933. it's a fun surprise.

934. - All right.

935. - You'll get into it.

936. - All right.

937. Love you.

938. - All right, love you.

939. Hi, Dada.

940. - Hi, babe.

941. So what's happening today?

942. - I looked up the ghost town.

943. It looks really cool, and there's one thing that

944. you have to do with me which I'm really excited about.

945. There's this photo booth that you can go in and do,

946. like, old country and western—

947. - Oh, yeah, like what we did years ago.

948. - Yeah.

949. So I thought it would be cool for Mum if we

950. redid one of those.

951. - Okay.

952. - Are you ready to go?

953. - Yeah, I'm ready to go.

954. It's so bright here.

955. - I know.

956. - My skin feels like a armadillo's ass.

957. - Are you excited for the ghost town and your surprise?

958. - I'm interested to find out what the surprise is.

959. - Jack said it was mysterious and musical.

960. I think he just said mysterious because he likes

961. saying mysterious, but—

962. - Mysterious—it's gotta be something dark.

963. - Ghost town and mine tour.

964. - Ah, way out—

965. - Have you ever been to a ghost town before?

966. - Never.

967. It's a tourist thing.

968. - It looks pretty cool, Dad.

969. It feels like we're on a movie set.

970. - That wouldn't surprise me.

971. John Wayne did visit these here parts.

972. This is all tourists.

973. - Look how cool it is, though.

974. - What's this here?

975. - Yeah, that's where we're going.

976. - Hello. - Hello.

977. - Hello, how are you?

978. - Hi, I'm Kelly.

979. - Hi, Kelly, nice to meet you. I'm David.

980. - Nice to meet you.

981. - I'm Ozzy, pleased to meet you.

982. - Ozzy, so happy to meet you.

983. Welcome to our old-time photo studio.

984. We take all the old-time photos, dress you up in some costumes.

985. - I want my dad to wear a dress, and I wanna wear a suit.

986. - No, no, no.

987. I've been in too many dresses in my life.

988. - Now, Dad, are you— are you sure you don't

989. wanna wear a dress?

990. - I'm absolutely—

991. - I wanna make this memorable, please?

992. - We can dress you in one thing,

993. and then we can try something else as well.

994. I'm thinking we're gonna make you the sheriff,

995. and she's gonna be the outlaw.

996. - You can put her down over here.

997. - And I'm gonna put you in a cowgirl.

998. - Okay.

999. - And it's gonna tie in the back—spin around for me.

1000. - Oh, look at that, you're already looking—

1001. - Dad's like, I like that jacket.

1002. - Now you need a star if you're gonna be a sheriff.

1003. I'm deputizing you.

1004. - Gun.

1005. - Okay.

1006. I think this one looks really good for the photo

1007. if you wanna actually hold it.

1008. If you hold it—

1009. - Is it real?

1010. - It is real, but decommissioned.

1011. I think this could look really good on you,

1012. and it looks different.

1013. - I love that.

1014. - Oh, that's awesome.

1015. So we're gonna have to get you guys on set.

1016. Can Polly be in the picture, please?

1017. - Would Polly like a bandana?

1018. - Yes.

1019. - Take the leash.

1020. - Yeah.

1021. - I'm gonna put a gun in your holster.

1022. - Thank you.

1023. - Now, I don't want any smiles—this is the Old West.

1024. Get mean for me.

1025. All right, here we go.

1026. You guys are great.

1027. Just put her on the barrel.

1028. - Stay there.

1029. - Oh my goodness—all right, here we go, ready?

1030. Okay.

1031. Do you guys want to put on a different look?

1032. - Sure.

1033. - I've got a cute steampunk.

1034. - We can do that.

1035. - Absolutely.

1036. - Okay.

1037. - What?

1038. - I'm sorry, I can't—I look like a Toulouse Lautrec drag

1039. queen from the Moulin Rouge.

1040. Yes, I do.

1041. - She's—I know you got it in you.

1042. Come on, you got it.

1043. Okay—oh, that's a nice picture.

1044. Oh, I love it—perfect.

1045. Nice.

1046. - We wanna do something fun with Ozzy back here.

1047. - Oh, okay.

1048. Ozzy, you've gotta go in the back room.

1049. - A green dress again.

1050. - Please.

1051. - No.

1052. - This is a dream.

1053. - Oh, god, it's a nightmare for me.

1054. No, no.

1055. - Please.

1056. - I don't want to.

1057. I'm a man, not a woman.

1058. - But you're—you're-

1059. - Why?

1060. No.

1061. - Why?

1062. I'll wear a suit.

1063. - No.

1064. - Please.

1065. - No. I'm not wearing a damn dress.

1066. No.

1067. - Why?

1068. - Because I don't want to.

1069. I'm a man, not a woman.

1070. - But you're—look at it.

1071. - It's a very— - It's gorgeous.

1072. - I don't give—you wear the thing then.

1073. - Well, you can have it—

1074. - No, I'm not —

1075. —Superstition Mountain in the green dress.

1076. - No, no thank you.

1077. I ain't gonna wear the green dress.

1078. - Why?

1079. - No, no, no.

1080. - It's not my size.

1081. It's your size.

1082. - No.

1083. No, no.

1084. - I can't believe you wouldn't do that for my happiness.

1085. - Yeah, I—I've—I've worn more dresses

1086. than you have, probably.

1087. - Okay, Dada, you ready?

1088. We're just going over there, because that is where your

1089. surprise is gonna be.

1090. What do you think the surprise is, Dad?

1091. - A gold bar.

1092. - Really?

1093. - Well, hey, Ozzy.

1094. - How you doing?

1095. - Your son Jack asked us to set up this surprise for you since

1096. he couldn't be here today.

1097. So we're gonna do a little ditty for you.

1098. - That's awesome.

1099. - I mean, the guy was singing it great.

1100. But in the cowboy—

1101. - It's a hillbilly, yeah.

1102. - That's amazing, the violin.

1103. Let alone playing it on a violin or whatever

1104. they're playing.

1105. It—it sounds great.

1106. - Very good.

1107. Thank you, very good.

1108. - Thank you all so much.

1109. - I also think it's a testament to you and your songwriting

1110. capabilities that so many of your songs can be translated to

1111. so many different genres of music,

1112. where people transform it into something else.

1113. And I think that's amazing to see.

1114. - That was really good, wasn't it?

1115. - If I didn't already love Jack, I'd love him even more because

1116. he's got the best sense of humor ever,

1117. and they were actually brilliant.

1118. - They were fantastic.

1119. - I secretly feel like Jack wants to be in a hillbilly band.

1120. That's why they were there.

1121. - He wanted—no.

1122. - Oh, yeah.

1123. - Oh, wow.

1124. That's Superstition Mountain, Dad.

1125. - Oh, yeah?

1126. That's—that looks like a cowboy movie.

1127. - It doesn't look real.

1128. - What's superstitious about it?

1129. - I don't know, it's just what it's called.

1130. - That was great, that was.

1131. - Yeah.

1132. I miss Jack.

1133. - How are you feel I've been doing?

1134. - I felt bad in Arizona because it was like the airplane

1135. boneyard, the bio-dome, all that stuff I know

1136. Jack really wanted to do.

1137. - You've been a good sister on filling in.

1138. - Yeah.

1139. I did have a really good time.

1140. - We had fun.

1141. - And it was fun.

1142. - So Jack just called and I was just about to go to bed,

1143. and he told me that Lisa is currently going into labor.

1144. So I have to go wake up Dad, because there's no way I'm

1145. missing this, and I need to get the out of here.

1146. - [knocking, pounding on door]

1147. Come on, Dad.

1148. Dad!

1149. - Hold on, darling—is it—is it a fire?

1150. What's up—what's going on?

1151. - Dad, Lisa's gone into labor.

1152. We've gotta leave.

1153. - What?

1154. - Lisa has gone into labor.

1155. We have to leave.

1156. - Is this a joke?

1157. - Is this a joke? Please pack up your stuff.

1158. I'm gonna go pack up mine. We've gotta get out of here.

1159. - How—okay.

1160. - Dad, I'm not missing this. We have to go.

1161. - Okay. I'll see you in a minute then.

1162. - Okay. Thank you, love you.

1163. - hell.