Ozzy and Jack's World Detour 2x10

1. ock music]

2. Oh it's gorgeous, Ozzy.

3. It's a lovely house, Sharon.

4. - Hello.

5. - Hi Jackie. - Welcome.

6. - Hiya.

7. - Aloha.

8. - Ooh. Let me see- let me see outside.

9. Oh Jackie!

10. Jackie!

11. - Let's go see Lisa.

12. - How are you?

13. - So tired.

14. - What do you think?

15. - Great.

16. - Does the house meet your approval.

17. - It's great.

18. - We're all going to party now.

19. - Got some wild nights in Hawaii.

20. Mom in bags of weed.

21. - Who?

22. Oh yeah, do you remember?

23. - Why did you shit in my bag of weed?

24. - I just didn't think that we needed a bag

25. of weed on holiday, 'cause I love you.

26. - The things that I have you put up with around here.

27. - My name is Jack Osbourne. world adventurer,

28. thrill seeker, and adrenaline junkie.

29. And this is my dad, Ozzy.

30. Heavy metal god.

31. - Are you ready?

32. - Prince of Darkness, and loving grandfather.

33. Growing up, my dad was away from home a lot touring,

34. and we missed hanging out.

35. So now we've decided to hit the road together

36. and make up for lost time,

37. taking in all the beauty.

38. Wow.

39. - And the bizarre that America has to offer.

40. - What the is that?

41. - There are no roadies, no tour buses, no boundaries.

42. - All aboard!

43. - Welcome to "Ozzy & Jack's World Detour."

44. - Let's rock and roll.

45. - Pearl here, little aqua baby,

46. has been swimming all morning.

47. Yeah, we're all doing good?

48. First night here was last night.

49. We got in kind of late, and woke up late.

50. Me and Pearl are just having a real stressful

51. day out by the pool.

52. - Wee!

53. - Lisa and I got married here,

54. and it's one of myparents favorite vacation spots.

55. It's kind of near and dear to our family.

56. I'm really hyped to be ending the journey like this.

57. It's a good way to apologize

58. to our wives between me and dad.

59. We've been gone for months.

60. We've got quite a few strong willed

61. Osbourne personalities on this trip now,

62. and so the difficulty is gonna be getting

63. everyone on the same page.

64. - No! No! No! No!

65. - Point exactly.

66. So, let the good times roll.

67. - I'm a submarine! - Mahalo.

68. - One, two... three.

69. - I use to go on an open air bus

70. to Margate.

71. Margate is this awful seaside town in England.

72. - So, let's talk about this week real quick,

73. and I will go over some things we can

74. do if you guys want to.

75. We could a beach day with some snorkeling.

76. No. Yes.

77. - Okay.

78. - I have a bit of history with snorkeling, so-

79. - Yeah?

80. - I got bit by a fish one time when I was snorkeling.

81. - That's tragic.

82. - And like a tuna almost took off my finger.

83. - A tuna?

84. - Yes. It was bleeding.

85. And I had to get out of the water

86. because I was going to be like shark bait.

87. You want to get bit by a shark

88. 'cause you're psycho.

89. - If I get bit by a shark,

90. my street cred will go through the roof.

91. - What about an octopus farm,

92. slash, conservation-

93. Yes.

94. - Okay. That's a winner.

95. Under water submarine tour?

96. - Yeah, I'll go to that.

97. - No thanks.

98. - I mean, I was very excited for Pearl to have

99. the experience on a submarine,

100. 'cause I went on a submarine with my parents.

101. - I was happy for her to have that experience...

102. with you.

103. I didn't need to like, be involved in that.

104. - When Pearl grows up and like-

105. - Why didn't you go in the submarine with us?

106. - Zip lining.

107. - Zip lining?

108. - Pornographic.

109. How is zip lining-

110. - Zip!

111. - Oh, for sake, Ozzy.

112. What-

113. - All right, so I'll get some of this stuff figured out,

114. and we'll uh, go from there.

115. - There she is, the drunken sailor.

116. Come on.

117. - Yay.

118. - You guys excited to go on a submarine adventure?

119. - On a rust bucket.

120. - No, it's called, "The Leaker".

121. - It's U-571, Bon Jovi's the captain.

122. - Oh don't.

123. - Dad. - Kiss Papa.

124. - What about poor old thing in the back

125. not getting any?

126. - What about Nana? Aw, poor Nana.

127. - Nice.

128. - Hi. - Hey.

129. - Big step across.

130. - There you go, Pearl.

131. - Welcome aboard. Watch your step.

132. - Thank you, thank you.

133. - All right everybody,

134. thanks for joining us today.

135. - Thanks for having us.

136. - We have about a five minute boat ride

137. out to the submarine.

138. Any questions about the submarine?

139. - Yeah.

140. Is there a toilet on there?

141. - No there is not.

142. - There's not a toilet?

143. hell.

144. - But we have facilities here you can use before we board.

145. We have all the time wee need for you

146. to take care of business so to speak.

147. - All righty hang on there for me, sir.

148. - Ooh, Pearl, look.

149. There it is.

150. There's the sub.

151. - All right, we're making our approach here.

152. Just sit back, relax, we'll get everything

153. tied off for you,

154. and we'll see you down below.

155. - All right, Pearl.

156. Hold on to the rail please.

157. - Thank you.

158. - All right, good job.

159. - There we go.

160. - Going back in the submarine again-

161. - Yeah.

162. - And Pearl was around the same age

163. as Jack when we first took him on it.

164. - Whoa, Pearl! Look how cool this is.

165. - Kind of weird isn't it?

166. - Surface, Atlantis, surface.

167. Hatches are secure.

168. Dive, dive, dive.

169. Oh, we're going down.

170. Are we going to the bottom?

171. - I don't know how deep.

172. How deep will we go?

173. What are you scared of?

174. I think we'll be okay.

175. Oh, I can see the bottom.

176. Me too!

177. - Fish!

178. Dad, I can see fish down.

179. - Me too.

180. - Oh my gosh, look at this!

181. A beautiful school- A group of fish!

182. - Oh look!

183. - Look at that.

184. These are the blue stripe snappers.

185. Wow, look at that.

186. - That's called a school.

187. - Yeah.

188. - Look! Dori!

189. - Is that Dori?

190. No. Maybe.

191. - That was Gil in the movie "Finding Nemo."

192. - Captain Nemo's an.

193. Shh! Language, Ozzy.

194. - All right team, we're getting ready

195. to make our approach to one of our ship wrecks.

196. unbelievable.

197. - And me.

198. - I learned from you.

199. - I have a question.

200. - Oh, she has a question. What's your question?

201. - My teeth first started to come out

202. since I'm a five year old now.

203. - Five?

204. You have beautiful teeth.

205. - Look at this.

206. Our pilot did an awesome job getting us

207. this close to an eel.

208. It's the largest eel species-

209. - It's dead.

210. cat food.

211. - Stop swearing, Ozzy!

212. - Sorry! Slip of the tongue.

213. - Wow. A stingray!

214. - A spotted eagle ray.

215. - Look at that.

216. - So graceful.

217. - Wow!

218. It looks like a spotted cheetah.

219. - It does look like a cheetah, huh?

220. - I have to fart but I don't wanna

221. fart on a submarine.

222. - Don't you do it next to me.

223. Go on -

224. - I'm gonna do it next to him and blame dad.

225. - What?

226. - Ah, dad!

227. - Don't Jack, please.

228. - Daddy!

229. - Wow.

230. Woo!

231. I can see sunlight.

232. Whoa, we're there.

233. I wanna do that again.

234. Maybe you can be a

235. submarine captain one day.

236. Yeah, I wanna be a submarine captain.

237. - I can't believe you

238. brought Robert to Hawaii.

239. - Yeah.

240. Robert is our friend.

241. - I think you're mad.

242. - Do you like Robert?

243. - Let's have a look at him.

244. - Robert is a toy.

245. - He's so damn cute.

246. - What happened before Robert,

247. and what happened after Robert?

248. - Didn't it fall apart, the SUV?

249. - Yes.

250. Our beautilful Boogie Wagon

251. went sputter-sputter-crash- bang-dead.

252. - You both got the.

253. - He never got the.

254. - Daddy did.

255. - When? - Didn't you?

256. - You did.

257. - Oh. Here we go again.

258. - He's very mean.

259. - No he's not, see?

260. - Okay, okay.

261. Oh great, bring Robert along.

262. That's great.

263. The Osbourne Family wiped out in one day.

264. - I know that sound.

265. That's a conch shell.

266. They blew it after our wedding.

267. - Aunty Tutu, she was lovely.

268. Did you know that it was in our lease

269. that we had to get the house blessed?

270. - Cause of me, the Prince of Darkness?

271. - No!

272. Cause if the vibes.

273. - The curse of the prince.

274. - Ozzy.

275. - Aloha!

276. Aloha!

277. - Throw a kiss.

278. Ready?

279. - Oh, this must be for Pearl.

280. Yes.

281. Aloha Pearl.

282. Are you my hula girl?

283. - This is my sister- - This is your sister, yes.

284. - One of the joys of getting older,

285. is to become a grandparent.

286. - People are going to me like,

287. "How you doing, granddad?"

288. I love it.

289. The kids, they can come to your house,

290. wreck it and leave.

291. - Mai'kai.

292. Ah, nice. Kiss.

293. - Aw.

294. - Ke akua, that you have a very safe journey.

295. - Oh.

296. - I want you to inhale through your nose,

297. and exhale and say "ha" into the water.

298. Ready?

299. - Ha.

300. - A very special blessing be upon you.

301. Mahalo, for your contribution into this family.

302. - Can you take evil spirits from bad dolls?

303. - This is a bad doll?

304. - No!

305. - No, it's not a bad doll.

306. Uh-oh, we have a disagreement.

307. - When this doll came into my life,

308. things started to go bad.

309. - It's not the doll's fault.

310. - It is.

311. - No.

312. - I think this doll has

313. got a curse from it's creator.

314. - Pearl, would you like to give me the other

315. side of the story about this doll?

316. - Now what is the doll's name?

317. - Robert.

318. - It's Robert?

319. Oh, that's one of the things that's a problem.

320. Okay.

321. He wants his Hawaiian name.

322. - Okay first, we're going to name him Lopaka.

323. - Lopaka.

324. - Okay, you have to hold Lopaka.

325. - Oh, what did you say to him?

326. Did you see him say something?

327. Was it kind?

328. - No.

329. - You better take Lopaka really fast.

330. - So, I think today, we're gonna go

331. to an octopus farm.

332. And then we are gonna go to a place

333. called Donkey Balls.

334. Donkey Balls are like this chocolate

335. covered macadamia nut balls,

336. and they're kind of a thing around here, so.

337. Lisa is gonna stay home though.

338. Lisa's not feeling too good,

339. she's a little under the weather.

340. I got to say, it was much easier

341. planning a road trip with just

342. me and my dad across America

343. than it was to plan a couple outings here in Hawaii.

344. I think everyone is just on island time right now,

345. and they're just like ugh whatever.

346. - Okay, you go.

347. - So, what are we doing today, Pearl?

348. - We're going to the octopus farm, for real.

349. - Okay, and what's at the octopus farm?

350. - Octopussies!

351. - Raise your hand if you want to poop in your pants.

352. - Stop.

353. Stop that language.

354. Come on you.

355. - Don't let Pearl get a pet octopus,

356. whatever you do.

357. Cause you know she's gonna to try.

358. [sing-songy] - Octopus family outing.

359. - Octopussy.

360. - That's inappropriate.

361. Hey look.

362. K-Anal-Oa.

363. How's it going, I'm Jack.

364. - Jack. Nice to meet you.

365. - Nice to meet you. - Absolutely.

366. - We got octopuses. - We got octopuses.

367. - Would it be octopi?

368. - It would octopuses.

369. - Okay.

370. Oh my lord.

371. Look at that dude.

372. Is that areal octopus?

373. - This is is a real octopus, yup.

374. - Wow.

375. - So, one of the main pints of this is for conservation.

376. No one's been able to actually breed

377. them completely in captivity.

378. So you can feed them if you want?

379. - Yeah! I'll give it a go.

380. Like... that too big or is that good?

381. - Perfect. Yeah.

382. Absolutely perfect.

383. - All righty. Here we go, Pearl.

384. - Don't drop me in.

385. - Oh, he got it.

386. - Yeah.

387. - Perfect.

388. - And they're really hyper intelligent, aren't they?

389. - Very intelligent.

390. They're considered the smartest invertebrate.

391. - Okay.

392. - A duck.

393. - Stop it.

394. - Did you see him change color too, Pearl.

395. He was like beige, now he's red.

396. - Yeah.

397. - How many colors do they have to change?

398. - You know, it's a lot of like the earth colors.

399. - Okay.

400. - So they change from like beige,

401. yellow to orange, brown, red.

402. - Feel it, feel it.

403. - He's an escape artist.

404. - Touch him. Touch him.

405. - Did you see that?

406. He spat at me curly.

407. - You know, one of the first challenges with this whole,

408. whole program,

409. was actually getting them to mate with each other.

410. - Throw some Viagra in them.

411. - Yeah, well we light some candles-

412. - Music.

413. - Yeah exactly, right.

414. For sure.

415. The problem is, is they fight each other.

416. We kind of stumbled across a pretty elegant solution.

417. We designed these 10 gallon buckets,

418. I do have one floating in that tank over there.

419. - Octo-love.

420. - Female's actually on the inside.

421. - Oh.

422. - And this is the male,

423. reaching through the small holes in that

424. bucket mating with the female in the other bucket.

425. We call them the glory buckets.

426. Yeah.

427. - Glory buckets.

428. - I've lived a bit of a sheltered life.

429. For those out there who have lived a sheltered life,

430. Jack's going to explain what a glory hole is.

431. - Not doing it.

432. Jake, thank you so much for your time this was awesome.

433. - Yeah, absolutely.

434. Thank you guys for coming out.

435. - Thank you so much. - I really appreciate.

436. - Really good to meet you, thank you Jake.

437. Thanks.

438. - Pearl can you shake Jake's hand?

439. - Nice to meet you.

440. - Now it looks like it might rain up here.

441. - Oh yeah.

442. Pearl, are you ready to get some chocolate?

443. - Yeah.

444. - I think so.

445. [sing-songy] Some chocolate donkey-balls!

446. - Little donkey.

447. - Little donkey.

448. - With his chocolate balls.

449. - Donkey balls!

450. - There, there is it. Oh, there.

451. - How you doing?

452. - Aloha! Welcome to the original

453. Donkey Balls Factory and Store.

454. Please sample my balls and let me know how they taste!

455. - Oh my Lord.

456. - Do you know what a Donkey Ball is?

457. - I do not know what a—

458. Well I know what a donkey ball is but

459. I don t know what these donkey balls are.

460. - It's not mountain oysters.

461. - Oh okay.

462. - So a Donkey Ball is a macadamia nut.

463. - Okay.

464. - Now legend has it, that when they put

465. the nuts in the sacks on donkeys,

466. and taken to be processed.

467. The guys would see them coming and laugh

468. and say "Oh look here comes the donkey balls!"

469. - Oh, interesting.

470. All right, let's go with— let's try the original.

471. Original.

472. - Mm! That's really good.

473. - That's our most popular.

474. It's called "Crusty balls"

475. - Mm!

476. - Crusty balls.

477. - Mm!

478. - Crusty— Crusty balls.

479. - Wow.

480. - We do have over 120 different products

481. in our ball room.

482. - What Donkey Balls should we get mom?

483. Green balls?

484. Captain balls.

485. Mango balls.

486. - Unicorn balls!

487. - Balls. Balls. Balls. Balls.

488. Balls.

489. - Oh very nice!

490. - Oh sush-magush!

491. Business class!

492. - Cannon ball!

493. - Tell me about your wedding in Hawaii.

494. - We got married outside on the beach.

495. And we had the nice dinner with

496. a soggy wedding cake.

497. Daddy insisted that they put a bottle of Hennessey.

498. - No seven bottles of Hennessey in there.

499. - In the cake.

500. It literally wouldn t stand up 'cause it

501. was just sopping and running with brandy.

502. - Why? What was the thought behind seven bottles?

503. What was it about seven?

504. - Well I was drinking a lot at the time.

505. - Okay.

506. - We did the wedding ceremony and I went

507. out to our lovely bridal suite waiting for your father,

508. who never showed.

509. And at about three in the morning, excuse me.

510. - We getting emotional.

511. Is this bringing up some stuff?

512. - Shut up! The pepper's heavy on that.

513. At about three in the morning,

514. the manager called me and said,

515. "Your husband is asleep in the hallway.

516. Would you do something about it?"

517. And I said, "No, I'm leaving him."

518. Then I went mad and that was it.

519. There you go.

520. - And that was the start.

521. - Of thirty-five years of love.

522. - But we got married again,

523. and again, and again.

524. - Definitely.

525. - Why do you and mom keep renewing your vows?

526. You found me, like Robert.

527. - Wee!

528. - That cheese!

529. The cheese is lying next to the monkey nuts.

530. - Do you mean Donkey Balls?

531. - Donkey Balls?

532. - Is that deez cheese?

533. - We used to have a donkey.

534. - But wait, what—

535. - What did you do with her?

536. - Me!

537. - Took it to Mexico. - Yeah.

538. - I never did anything. - Put her in a show.

539. - She's in show business now.

540. - She's in a donkey show in Mexico.

541. - In pornography she is.

542. - No, what happened to her?

543. - You sent her to that guy.

544. - I never did.

545. - The guy who kills them!

546. - No I didn t.

547. - You know, he came into the house.

548. - Oh you named me after a donkey?

549. - No, it wasn t Jack.

550. - Oh that's great.

551. Yeah.

552. We had some fun though didn't we, baby?

553. - A water balloon?

554. - A big trash can bag full of water.

555. It

556. - We used to throw on anyone in

557. the street from our apartment.

558. And—

559. Do you remember when we did it and we

560. put the baked beans and oil and water

561. and all this in this big pan.

562. And like people would come by at night

563. all dressed up, wallap over!

564. - They go "What the!"

565. - Oh my God, you guys are so nuts!

566. - This is Jack's diary cam he uses on the road.

567. How do I know if I'm in it?

568. - I don t know.

569. I don t know how to work it.

570. I don t know, are we in?

571. - I think it's on, yeah.

572. But I don t know, I can't tell.

573. - Pose, pose.

574. Come on, Pearly.

575. - I don t know how wide the screen is.

576. - For the weekend, we got to plan something special.

577. - We're gonna do a Luau.

578. We have to get all the details sorted.

579. I've never been to a Luau, actually, out of all

580. the times I've been to Hawaii.

581. - You've never been?

582. We've got to see if we can get the guys with the fire.

583. - Yes. - Yes.

584. - So all right, a lot to plan.

585. I don t know if we're in this together

586. or half of our face.

587. - We have no idea if we're actually being

588. filmed right now.

589. - No idea.

590. - All right, Pearly. We're out.

591. - We're out.

592. Mwah!

593. I'm excited!

594. - Aloha, this is Misty.

595. - Hi Misty, this is Sharon Osbourne

596. and I'm here with Lisa.

597. We wanted to know what the options were for our Luau.

598. - Okay, what I have now, Hula dancer,

599. your male and female, and your fire knife.

600. - As regards the barbecue, we'd love a little pig.

601. - Like the pig on a stick?

602. - Yes.

603. We would like some music while we're eating.

604. - Okay.

605. - Do you guys have any outfits for the guys?

606. Any type of traditional garb they could wear?

607. - Oh okay! Okay, we could bring that as well.

608. - They would like to dress up in traditional dress.

609. - The grass skirts?

610. - Yes, yes.

611. - Okay, I will go ahead and put that together,

612. and bring costuming.

613. - Okay lovely.

614. - And if anything else comes up,

615. let me know.

616. - Okay, look forward to working with you.

617. Thank you.

618. - See you there, dear. You're welcome.

619. - Thanks you too, bye-bye.

620. - They've had so much fun for the last

621. three months.

622. - Yeah, it's time for us to have a little fun.

623. - Yeah.

624. - I'm most excited about the pig.

625. Slow roasted pig.

626. - Here we go.

627. - All right, that was boring.

628. - Who knew?

629. Volcanos, way more exciting when they didn t

630. invent the iPad.

631. - I think Pearl was still sort of impressed.

632. - She'll add that to her list of like—

633. - List of disappointments in life.

634. - Our therapy sessions gonna be really weird.

635. - Is it raining?

636. - Andy it's raining!

637. - Bye.

638. - Oh it's raining. Let's go inside!

639. - The

640. Oh!

641. It's this thing again.

642. What's he doing here?

643. - All right, Andy's asleep, she'll be up soon.

644. We're gonna go get some shaved ice, go chill.

645. Um, make love under a palm tree.

646. - Shut up.

647. - While I pour coconut water all over her

648. sensual body.

649. - While you're dressed in traditional

650. Hawaiian outfits.

651. - Loin cloth. - Yes, yes.

652. - Have fun guys!

653. - Don't call us unless someone's bleeding.

654. - It'll probably be me.

655. When Pearl stays over, I get the phone call from Jack,

656. "How is everything going? Is she asleep?"

657. And I just send him the thumb up, like this.

658. Like everything's great.

659. Meanwhile, she's awake, we're watching cartoons,

660. eating popcorn, chocolate, and playing Barbies.

661. - My sister said this place is really good.

662. It's fresh, pureed, fruit that they make

663. the syrups from.

664. - Fruit. - Fruit.

665. - Some fruit. - Some fruit.

666. - As much fruit.

667. - Nana can I go in pool? - Of course you can!

668. - Nana watch this!

669. - Pearl, now mind you don t jump on papa

670. or something!

671. - Wee!

672. - Cockroach.

673. - It is.

674. - By the way, there's a dead cockroach on the

675. side of the pool!

676. - Oh thanks.

677. Don't touch it.

678. - What flavor are you gonna get?

679. - Passion orange guava.

680. What flavor are you gonna get?

681. - Passion fruit, it's so good.

682. - What about some jackfruit?

683. - There.

684. - What is this

685. - It's hand paint. - Ah!

686. - Oh

687. - What have you done?

688. - It's all on the floor.

689. It's says it's washable, I don t believe it's washable.

690. It s staining everything.

691. I think we need a cloth, daddy.

692. - I'll go get one.

693. - So romantic, overlooking the parking lot.

694. - Palm trees blowing in the wind.

695. - Beautiful view.

696. What are your top three most romantic

697. moments with me?

698. - Probably when we made Pearl that weekend.

699. - I don t know if I would use the word "romantic"

700. I would say it was more like lustful.

701. - Lustful can be romantic.

702. I should say, when we accidentally made Pearl.

703. - Mm-hmm, right.

704. - What else? Hm.

705. - We've had a lot of romantic times.

706. We haven t had the opportunity because

707. we've just been popping out kids.

708. - Mm-hmm.

709. - This is the messiest kind.

710. Fabulous.

711. - Oh thanks for that.

712. - I have a plan. mess!

713. If I don t do it, nobody else is gonna

714. do it.

715. - How old is papa? - Papa is...

716. - A hundred?

717. - Maybe 150. - 150?

718. - Yes!

719. - I'm only five, that's not a lot.

720. - No it's not a lot, my darling.

721. - Well, it's the day of the uh adventure

722. we've just been on.

723. We haven t seen much of each other

724. this last year.

725. - But it's nice to be here with you.

726. The babies are here and Jackie.

727. - Well you know, it takes me back to

728. when we got married 35 years ago.

729. That woman said to us "You'll always return to

730. the island" and we have.

731. - We have.

732. Love you so much.

733. - What about this flimey surprise you got for me?

734. - If I told you then it's not a surprise.

735. - Okay when am I gonna get this surprise?

736. - Tonight. - Oh.

737. - Tonight's the night!

738. - Would I like it? - You would like it.

739. Hi Andy!

740. Oh beautiful dress, you look gorgeous.

741. You look gorgeous!

742. You look so gorgeous in that dress.

743. - So pretty!

744. Can nanny get a kiss? - Yes!

745. - Kiss for nana.

746. - Oh we're getting— - We're getting jiggy with it!

747. - No, Andy.

748. - Andy doesn t like to wear shoes,

749. or clothes, a and hates wearing diapers.

750. - That could cause a few problems.

751. - Leave the undies on.

752. Hey, hey, hey.

753. Go outside!

754. - Don't worry, Jack.

755. Do you think this is the first child with a wobbler?

756. - You're like "What just happened?"

757. Like there was no noise, nothing she saw,

758. and then down on the floor, wobbler!

759. - Leave 'em on. Leave them on.

760. She hates me.

761. - Robert?

762. Where the is he?

763. There's the evil bastard!

764. - See you later.

765. - All right, what time y'all coming back?

766. - Probably like an hour. - Okay.

767. - Pearl. - What?

768. - Do you love me? I love you too.

769. - Should we hit the road? - Yeah.

770. - Let's hope no one falls off.

771. What are we doing, huh?

772. - We're going to the beach, guys.

773. Come on!

774. Hey dad, they need to paint the road again.

775. - Yeah, maybe next summer you can get a job

776. and you can come back and paint the streets.

777. - All righty.

778. - Yeah! We're at the seaside!

779. - Hey Pearl. - What?

780. - You see that turtle right there?

781. - Where? - Right there.

782. - Turtle! - Twenty feet, Pearl.

783. You got to stay twenty feet away from the turtle.

784. - Will they bite?

785. - No, they won't but you got to stay twenty feet

786. away because they have really sensitive hearts.

787. - Oh okay.

788. - So if they get spooked they just like eh.

789. - They die.

790. - They do, yes you got to be mellow.

791. What are you gonna name him?

792. - Mary.

793. - Mary? Okay, Mary the turtle.

794. Do you want to swim out to that raft?

795. - It s a long way out. - Ah, she'll be all right.

796. - You come.

797. - I'm gonna come with you, for sure.

798. - In case I drown! - That's a long way out, Jack.

799. - You won't drown. She'll be okay.

800. Pearl, I'm gonna put my swim shirt on.

801. - I swam to one of them one time,

802. I nearly died!

803. - Oh!

804. - To get there, it didn t look very far.

805. But if you haven t got flippers on,

806. you're swimming nowhere.

807. It takes it out of you.

808. I thought "I'm

809. Mind you, I had been doing cocaine all night.

810. So that didn t help.

811. I never got out of the hotel because of the

812. paps and the —

813. - Yeah.

814. I think you get a really good sense of

815. what America is, doing this kind of road trip.

816. - Personally, I had the most fun I've had in years.

817. It was good to spend the time with my son,

818. who I love.

819. It was great to have the adventure.

820. And I would do it in a heartbeat again.

821. - High-fives.

822. Look at Pearl, just pottin' about.

823. She's a good girl.

824. - She's so smart. - Hmm.

825. Yeah. - Amazing.

826. - Maybe in twenty years...

827. - I'll be dead. - You won't.

828. Twenty years, you'll be what?

829. You'll be eighty-nine.

830. - I'll be dead. - No.

831. All right, don't get lost.

832. - Hope the sharks have a good meal.

833. I'm happy, Jack.

834. - You just took a dump, didn t you?

835. - Kind of.

836. - Yeah, okay.

837. Pearl, we've got to go back and get lunch.

838. Wake up!

839. - off!

840. Where's mommy? - I don t know.

841. I just woke up, myself.

842. I got to say— - Sharon?

843. - Darlings, here are some shirts for you to

844. wear tonight, love yah.

845. Just got a text message.

846. "What's up, sleepy heads?

847. Hope you found the shirts.

848. Get dressed and meet us at this location."

849. - Oh. - Okay.

850. - When your mom says to me "I've got a surprise"

851. First thing that comes to my mind,

852. "How much is it gonna cost?"

853. - Surprises can fail miserably in this household.

854. They can be amazing or they can be like

855. "Are you kidding me?"

856. - Have you got the address?

857. - Yep, they just texted it to me.

858. Aloha, I like your vibe.

859. - Oh your— the volcanos are cool.

860. - I'm gonna have to leave the battle ax here,

861. upon my return.

862. Wow, and anyone would've thought you'd

863. have been a ripping musician.

864. Keep your day job, buddy.

865. - off!

866. - How are you? Oh yes, thank you!

867. Mahalo.

868. - Thank you. - Thank you.

869. - Hi! - Are you Misty?

870. - How are you? Nice to see you.

871. - Hi, nice to see you too. I'm Lisa.

872. - Hi Lisa. How are you?

873. - Hi, I'm Sharon. - Nice to see you.

874. - So do we have the traditional outfits

875. we've requested?

876. - We do have some outfits, would you like to see them?

877. - Yeah!

878. - Great, we'll go ahead and make our way over.

879. - All right. - Great.

880. - So we've got the grass skirts as you've

881. requested for the lovely kiki, for the children.

882. - Aw! Look at the coconut bras!

883. - It's so cute!

884. - And then of course, for the gentlemen.

885. We've got the grass skirts by request.

886. - Oh my gosh, look at this.

887. - Perfect.

888. - Oh you've got your piggy.

889. - She's called Puaa Lani.

890. - Oh my gosh! I'm gonna eat the ear.

891. This is far better surprise than any

892. of the guys have every surprised us with, come on.

893. - Where are we going?

894. Are we gonna get marooned or something?

895. - I mean, I'm assuming it s something Hawaiian.

896. - That's so beautiful, Jack.

897. Look at it. Bouncing off the ocean.

898. - Yeah.

899. - That's like a rock show from God.

900. That's quite the prettiest thing I've seen

901. in a long time.

902. And I'm sad it's coming to an end, Jack.

903. - Yeah, it's been a lot of fun.

904. Yeah.

905. - By the way, why the were

906. you burying Robert?

907. - I never buried Robert.

908. - You took Robert to the beach with us and

909. you buried him secretly.

910. - No I didn t. - That's up.

911. - He wanted to go underground.

912. - There's probably gonna be a tsunami tonight.

913. - If there is, it's his fault.

914. - What is this?

915. Totally getting shanghai'd.

916. - Aloha! - Nice shirt!

917. - Thank you! Wow.

918. - I cannot play with fire.

919. - You cannot play with fire, that's right.

920. - That was awesome huh?

921. - Thank you!

922. - Welcome to our surprise Luau.

923. - Isn't it the best?

924. - This is totally awesome, I love it.

925. Oh look, there's Andy.

926. - Andy! Come on!

927. - Yay!

928. - When we would go to Hawaii, we would always go to a luau.

929. And Jack's now grown and his own family.

930. So I just think, time for a luau and

931. get into the spirit of the island.

932. - Absolutely! - Yum!

933. - Quite a pig's head. - Thank you!

934. - Cut this pig for you.

935. - Can I have that? - Mm!

936. Who's gonna eat the pig ear?

937. - Pearl. - No!

938. - Perhaps a nice sunset toast to our dear

939. ladies 'cause father and I have been adventuring

940. across these United States.

941. - Discovering new places.

942. - Discovering new places and you know—

943. - To us.

944. - I must say, we have seen some

945. crazy things on this trip.

946. Like dad and I have seen fires.

947. - Burn!

948. - Dead bodies.

949. - Horses getting

950. Like you name it, we've seen it.

951. - But this is like— - Normal.

952. - The opposite of that. This is nice, this is a treat.

953. - This is a treat.

954. - I cant believe where the time's gone

955. with just Jack getting married and Pearl.

956. - Pearl was just a baby.

957. - Yeah it seems like one day you wake up

958. and you're old.

959. And you go "How did I get here?"

960. - Uh-oh.

961. - I'm okay.

962. - Oh wow, look! They have stuff for you guys!

963. - Oh that's not good.

964. - No, I'm fine. I'm fine.

965. - You don t want to do it? - No.

966. - You, Mr. Miserable! - No.

967. I don t want to— I mean,

968. I dance all year.

969. - Look at Jackie! - Woo!

970. - Aw look at Pearl. - Daddy.

971. - Look at her, daddy.

972. - I honestly did think that Jack would've thrown

973. a wobbler when he was asked to join the dances.

974. But you know, he just gets in the

975. spirit and I think—

976. - He just does things, you know.

977. - He's got no inhibitions, he's fearless,

978. and he just goes for life.

979. And I think Pearl loved to see her dad

980. dressed up like that.

981. - Pearl, this way, big circle.

982. - Woo! Hips don t lie!

983. Hips don't lie!

984. - Yay Pearl, awesome! High-five!

985. - I'm really glad that I got to be

986. a part of this trip.

987. - Next year, you know, we'll just have to get

988. a bigger RV.

989. That way, we can bring the kids.

990. Or three of them.

991. - This little burrito. - The burrito.

992. - Growing.

993. - I knew that she was pregnant on the trip.

994. - Nobody told me!

995. - Well if I had said it to you, you would've asked her!

996. - Okay, okay. How did you find out?

997. - Women know these things! - I guess you do know, huh.

998. - But great news, right?

999. - She is pregnant? - Oh Lord.

1000. - Aloha!