Ozzy and Jack's World Detour 1x8

1. residential March]

2. We're going to Washington DC.

3. Oh yeah! Aren't we going to the White House.

4. Yes. Potentially.

5. You're not winding me up, are you?

6. No I'm not winding you up.

7. Are we going to the White House?

8. I have reached out to Michelle Obama's people-

9. Are we going to the White House?

10. I've spoken to Megan McCain, who's John McCain's daughter...

11. Is that saying to me, " We are going to...?"

12. Well, next time I'll just have you handle it all.

13. You said to- I had no idea.

14. Oh here we go. Oh yeah, you don't-

15. You said to me, "We're going to the White House."

16. I said, do you want to go to the White House. And you said,

17. I would love to go to the White House.

18. Yeah. I'll be pissed off if we don't make it there.

19. Ozzy Osbourne in the White House, can you believe it?

20. I promise I won't harm nay animals there.

21. My name's Jack Osbourne. And this is my dad, Ozzy.

22. Heavy metal god.

23. Are you ready?

24. Prince of Darkness.

25. And surprisingly enough... History nerd.

26. As the old saying goes... Like father, like son.

27. So my dad and I are doing something we've

28. always wanted to do.

29. We're hitting the road.

30. Just the two of us and a bucket list of places

31. and things we've only ever read about in books.

32. Oh my god, this is amazing.

33. Or seen on T. V. and the web.

34. Do you have your knife? Yes.

35. 'Cause of all days, we might need it.

36. There are no roadies. No tour busses.

37. What the... is this.

38. No boundaries.

39. Welcome to Ozzy and Jack's World Detour.

40. Let's rock and roll.

41. My dad and I were on the road to Washington DC

42. and the White House... hopefully.

43. But since that road wasn't quite fully paved yet,

44. I thought we'd take a little detour to

45. something presidential.

46. So, I've got a question for you.

47. Yes. Are we still going

48. to the White House?

49. Yeah, But first we're going to meet the president... sss.

50. What president, what?

51. We're going to go meet presidents, plural.

52. It's statues of all the president's heads.

53. What does it mean?

54. So there was this park called President Park,

55. and it had these statues of all the presidents,

56. but the park ended up closing down.

57. So this guy got hired to remove the heads

58. and then destroy them,

59. but he felt bad destroying all the presidents.

60. So he kept them on his property and you can go check it out.

61. So this place can get really muddy.

62. I haven't got any shoes.

63. I got these things.

64. Don't worry about it, I brought along some boots.

65. You got to level with me, Jack.

66. You got this habit of telling partial truths.

67. I tell you as much as I know at the time.

68. No!

69. Well, I spoke to guy this morning. And he said-

70. Yeah, but why didn't you tell this morning?

71. I'm the Prince of Darkness wearing water boots.

72. We got black ones for you.

73. Yeah, but I look like a freak with these,

74. Ah! There they are. Where are the heads?

75. You see the white heads right there?

76. Oh, I get it now.

77. Wow! That's nuts.

78. I think we should buy the George W. Bush.

79. Look at all these heads. This is hilarious.

80. He's now Eddie Roosevelt. wellingtons.

81. We're like farmers. Very Prince of Darkness.

82. Lets go get our presidents on. Lets see who we can name.

83. There's Roosevelt. That's Regan.

84. Kennedy. Ozzy.

85. It's a bit over the top, isn't it?

86. How many presidents is there? Forty four?

87. Yeah.

88. There ain't forty four presidents here.

89. Yeah there are. Lets see. Fact number one-

90. Clinton did get-

91. Ah! Washington's teeth weren't wooden.

92. What?

93. Contrary to popular belief, the country's first presidents

94. had dentures made of gold, ivory, lead, and animal teeth.

95. Animal teeth? off!

96. Do you think they could've used primates's teeth.

97. Like a monkey?

98. Yeah. What other animal have teeth like humans?

99. He'd start eating bananas all day long.

100. These are the money presidents!

101. Oh yeah!

102. So we got George Washington's the one dollar bill.

103. Andrew Jackson is on the twenty dollar bill.

104. Yeah.

105. Abraham Lincoln is on the five dollar bill.

106. And look, they're starting to re-do him.

107. See how he's been like touched up?

108. What are they going to do with him?

109. Uh, so they guy that owns them now,

110. he wants to re-do them and put them in another park.

111. What's the point then?

112. It's good for kids. A little historical-

113. I mean if I was a kid, I'd be scared.

114. I guess that's all it needs to do.

115. See Jimmy Carter right there?

116. Carter is one of the only presidenst to ever

117. admit having seen a UFO.

118. What was he smoking at the time?

119. He was smoking that sweet Georgia tea.

120. You're going to be able to relate to this.

121. So, Andrew Jackson, who's on the twenty dollar bill-

122. Yeah.

123. He taught his parrot to curse, and when he died,

124. they had to remove the parrot from the funeral

125. because all he was doing was.

126. off.

127. You you, !

128. I had a minah bird once, called Fred.

129. And he would curse all day long.

130. I didn't have to teach him, he just picked it up.

131. We'd go, how you doing, Fred? He'd go off.

132. Why'd you name your bird Fred?

133. It's better than Bill.

134. Okay.

135. I'm colder than now.

136. I'm cold and I'm gonna go back to the car.

137. More, I got to change these boots.

138. Okay.

139. The pain is crippling me.

140. So listen, like, is it at all possible to for us to be

141. able to come to the White House tomorrow?

142. Now this is rubbing my foot and ankle.

143. Okay. I mean listen, I totally understand

144. this is a tall task but like.

145. They're crippling me.

146. boots are killing me.

147. All right. Perfect. Bye.

148. As we made our way to Washington DC,

149. I knew my dad was anxious to get to the White House.

150. But since we still hadn't received a definitive yes,

151. I thought that taking him to the

152. International Spy Museum would make him happy.

153. Since he's such a big fan of World War II and

154. espionage history.

155. Spy museum should be cool.

156. Yeah, I'm excited to see it.

157. We were gonna take you on that. The Christian Tour of DC.

158. Uhm, but they were a little busy.

159. You'e joking.

160. Yes, of course I'm joking.

161. Hello.

162. Hi Jack, nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.

163. I'm Ozzy. Hi Ozzy, nice to meet you.

164. All right, well come on.

165. We're gonna take you in the super secret way.

166. I'm actually going to use this restroom if that's okay.

167. Okay, all right. Should we just hang out here?

168. I couldn't believe you, of all people,

169. had to hold everything up for us to go and take a pee.

170. I have to pee too.

171. Just not thirty seven times a day.

172. So we have he largest collection of espionage

173. related artifacts.

174. We have button-hole cameras, a lipstick pistol.

175. I think we'll see the rectal... concealment device.

176. What?

177. I knew that would get your attention.

178. Oh yeah. Up the bum as they say.

179. Use your imagination.

180. But what would they do? Smuggle stuff in?

181. Smuggle stuff, yup. Tools.

182. You know, cause if you're caught with your tools, they-

183. That's a smelly job.

184. It's not a pretty job. I was telling your dad about

185. some of things you're going to see in the museum.

186. Awesome.

187. What was the guide telling you when i was taking a piss?

188. You wouldn't wanna know.

189. Did you see the movie Argo?

190. Yes!

191. Tony Mendez, who Ben Affleck plays in that movie,

192. is on our board.

193. And we hava a lot items,

194. both from the movie and from his life.

195. Wow.

196. These are some Tony Mendez's items.

197. So, what's the deal with Argo?

198. So remember during the Carter Administration

199. when Iran took all those American embassy hostages?

200. Yeah.

201. Well, six Americans managed to escape

202. to the Canadian embassy,

203. and the CIA had to pretend to make a film

204. called Argo and that they were supposedly filming it in Iran.

205. And they used that as a cover to get the six

206. Americans out of Iran.

207. Remember it was a fake Hollywood movie studio,

208. that's the business card.

209. It's called Studio-

210. For the movie? Studio 6 an the joke is

211. there were six hostages they had to get out.

212. Up Beachwood Dr, but they've spelled Beachwood wrong.

213. That's weird.

214. Well, I just- I notice things.

215. Well, you know, it's a good thing I'm on the right side.

216. All right guys, the museum is closed to the public,

217. so we'll just let you wonder around.

218. I'm going to go get our executive director,

219. he's former CIA, and then we'll come back and

220. meet up with you if we can find you.

221. Cool. All right. All right.

222. See you in a bit. Have fun.

223. Will do.

224. Oh look. A cigarette pistol.

225. Wow.

226. Flash light gun. I love all this stuff. This is so cool.

227. Brass knuckles,

228. just in case you gotta punch someone in the mouth.

229. Oh look here you go. It's a bit burly.

230. Rectal tool kit, wow

231. Who? I mean, can you imagine the Bond film?

232. James is like-

233. James would've gone, 007? I'm outta here."

234. Danger.

235. Hi guys, I wanna introduce you to our executive director,

236. Peter Earnest.

237. Pleasure to meet you.

238. And he's a real former spy, so he used a lot of the gadgets

239. that you're looking at.

240. Not the rectal tool kit-

241. Lets just say he doesn't say. Everybody raises that.

242. He doesn't talk about that.

243. What's your favorite item in here?

244. There's a pigeon in there that I like.

245. Right here.

246. In World War I they used homing pigeons.

247. Yeah, yeah.

248. For messages.

249. They also tried this.

250. Looks like an American tourist stranded in Paris

251. in the rain or something.

252. And what the camera is, it has an automatic shutter release.

253. So if I release the pigeon here,

254. it flies over the target to go home.

255. As it flies over, the camera is taking pictures.

256. Yes, that s right.

257. Of course you would know that bats were used in World War II.

258. You can see—

259. Pretty good picture.

260. It s a pretty good picture of—

261. you ve seen high res pictures in satellites now,

262. but this for the time was good.

263. Look at that picture over there,

264. you can see the wing tips of the pigeon.

265. It s one of my favorites.

266. Very cool. Well, good times.

267. So what d you think guys?

268. Awesome. Did you get that little special thing?

269. I think I did.

270. Are you ready to be guinea pigged?

271. Guinea pigged for what?

272. Oh, you ll have to find out, only the truth can set you free.

273. Follow me, we ll go to the interrogation room.

274. This is when we hook your nuts up to a car battery.

275. Come on in, I went all out for you.

276. And we re here to conduct a polygraph examination.

277. Let s see what we can find out, ok?

278. Why am I always the guinea pig, why don t you ever do it?

279. Well because this trip is about experiencing new things—

280. Yeah but you don t experience anything.

281. This is a blood pressure cuff,

282. so it will measure heart rate.

283. You have to sit on a butt pad normally?

284. Yeah, that s right. The butt can t lie, right?

285. Because people will generally sort of clench.

286. You have electricity in your body?

287. We ll soon find out.

288. While in Washington DC,

289. my dad and I visited the International Spy Museum.

290. Which houses the largest number of espionage

291. artifacts in the world.

292. The museum also has their very own polygraph machine,

293. and our tour guide Jackie had to put my dad to the test.

294. So Ozzy, I Googled you.

295. Yeah?

296. And I found a lot of interesting pieces of

297. information, that helped to inform me in my

298. interrogation today.

299. So I'm going to ask you some questions.

300. Ok.

301. So are you ready?

302. Yeah.

303. Is your full name John Michael Osbourne?

304. Yep.

305. Are you known as the Prince of Darkness?

306. Yes.

307. Did you graduate high school at the age of 15?

308. Yeah.

309. Have you ever shaved off anyone s eyebrows

310. while they were sleeping— Yes.

311. Just for fun?

312. Don t laugh.

313. Did you once inadvertently give a priest a piece of cake

314. that was laced with hashish?

315. Yes.

316. All right, I m going to go ahead and end the test.

317. There was a pretty big change between question 2 and 3,

318. and then it came up again as we got ready to go to 4.

319. Do you normally say you graduated high school

320. at the age of 15?

321. No, I left. You just left?

322. Dropped out.

323. Ok so that might have been where that came from.

324. Are you referred to as the Prince of Darkness? Yes.

325. You said, are you the Prince of Darkness? And—

326. And you actually are.

327. That s so messed up.

328. So now what s this deal with the priest

329. and the cake laced with hashish?

330. I just made some hash cake

331. and the priest came around to just visit me

332. and I didn t realize that my ex-wife had given him the cake.

333. So what happened?

334. He got very stoned.

335. So where are you off to next?

336. Are you going to the White House too?

337. Hopefully, we re still waiting to hear back.

338. Ok.

339. I guess they like to leave you hanging there just in case.

340. All right.

341. Hello.

342. Hi Jack. Hola, should I make a move?

343. Yeah, I just thought I d pull this up to jog your memory on

344. probably one of the last times you were in Washington DC.

345. George W. Bush (on phone): Washington power brokers,

346. Hollywood stars, Ozzy Osbourne.

347. You must have when he said that.

348. Yes that would be at the White House.

349. But we ended up in a hotel room.

350. Are we still going to the White House?

351. I m trying,

352. some days when I speak to them it s looking great.

353. Some days when I call them they re like,

354. eh, well this just happened and—

355. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

356. So, I m staying optimistic.

357. Where we going today then?

358. I thought we d take you to some monuments.

359. Iwo Jima, is that here?

360. Yeah. That s cool.

361. So if you want the experience to be a little bit more mellow

362. and not so many people bothering you,

363. I've brought you a flannel and a hoodie and a baseball hat,

364. so, you know. If you want to go incognito Ozzy Osbourne.

365. Now what s the point? Then no one will know it s me.

366. That s the point.

367. Oh, ok. Should we make a move?

368. Yeah, sure you don t want to try some of these clothes on?

369. No thank you.

370. This is good stuff.

371. I love DC, it s like my favorite city.

372. Hi-ya. Hello.

373. It s right here, just in case.

374. I m a rock god!

375. I know. But you re also a tourist.

376. Tourist rock god.

377. You know where I d like to go first?

378. Where?

379. Did you know

380. It was actually Saipan.

381. Oh yeah,

382. Cause that's where there s the crazy sea cliffs.

383. Oh look, Iwo Jima memorial.

384. Look at that. Oh wow.

385. That s way bigger than I thought it would be.

386. That s beautiful.

387. But this memorial, it s not just Iwo Jima,

388. this is the Marine Corps Memorial.

389. It s relatively new I think.

390. It was built in 1954,

391. a national monument in Arlington Virgina,

392. the memorial was inspired by the iconic 1945 photograph

393. of 6 servicemen raising the American flag on top

394. of Mt. Suribachi during the battle of Iwo Jima during

395. World War II.

396. Did you know that the photographer Joe Rosenthal

397. actually was unable to join the US Army

398. because he had bad eyesight.

399. Really?

400. Yeah, but he won the Pulitzer Prize from that photo.

401. I have an original print of that picture.

402. Wow.

403. Yeah. Let me get a picture of you.

404. I m freezing.

405. I have a scarf and stuff in the car.

406. I have a really great flannel and a nice pair of khaki pants.

407. I don t want to wear them I m a rock god.

408. Hey, you know what? it s ok to clock out sometimes.

409. I don t care, I m the Prince of Darkness.

410. You know that thing standing up?

411. The obelisk? Right there.

412. It was damaged in an earthquake.

413. Yeah the last couple times I was in DC

414. they had a bunch of scaffolding all around it.

415. What s that there?

416. That s the Lincoln Memorial.

417. Can we go inside?

418. Yeah, sure.

419. I m cold, innit?

420. Can we get me something to keep my body warm?

421. Ohh.

422. No I'm not wearing that —I m not wearing that—

423. I have 2 things, I can offer you a flannel shirt, or—

424. No I just want something to keep me warm.

425. Ok.

426. Not a flannel shirt or that waistcoat you keep—

427. It s not a waistcoat but it ll do, hold on.

428. hell.

429. Do I look like a rock god with this wooly hat on?

430. What s this?

431. It s a very nice jacket. Put that on under your jacket.

432. It s a joke. Prick.

433. This is not Prince of Darkness clothes.

434. You will be very warm and toasty.

435. You look good.

436. This is the Lincoln Memorial for Abraham Lincoln.

437. So an interesting fact, 40% of this place is underground

438. and they don t really tell people what s under there.

439. One myth is that Lincoln is buried here but it s wrong.

440. He s actually buried in Springfield Illinois.

441. Pretty cool. So they build the memorial in like 1922.

442. Yeah.

443. And the original statue was only supposed to be 10 feet tall

444. but I guess bigger is always better

445. so they ended up making it around 19 feet.

446. If the statue actually stood up though,

447. Lincoln would be 28 feet tall.

448. Wow.

449. And there s myths about his hands, the positioning,

450. thatt hey were in the shape of an A and an L,

451. like he was doing sign language for Abraham Lincoln.

452. Yeah. You want to get a photo

453. real quick with this in the background?

454. So that's the Washington right there.

455. You see how the Washington Memorial is 2 different colors?

456. No I'm blind.

457. All right well— Yeah, Ok dark,

458. light, dark, light yeah.

459. Well, yeah. It s the Vatican donated a big block to

460. have it continue to be built in the mid 1800s.

461. What happened was, the block was stolen,

462. there was an anti-Catholic movement

463. and that halted production for 20 years

464. and the Civil War happened and then they stepped in

465. and they started rebuilding it after the war.

466. And there s no cement, it s all free standing,

467. it s the weight of the blocks holding it together.

468. WOW.

469. That s why when the earthquake happened

470. it got so badly damaged.

471. Look, Washington tours by Jack.

472. Unfortunately no, not right now.

473. The street is blocked off to traffic, and

474. we re in George Town.

475. Since we were driving through

476. George Town what better place for the

477. prince of darkness to visit, then the famous

478. Exorcist stairs.

479. So they shot the exorcist all around here.

480. Oh yea? It s actually based

481. in George Town.

482. When we first saw that, ill never forget me

483. and the rest of the guys in Black Sabbath.

484. We were so scared at the end of it.

485. Well I'm telling you, the four princess of darkness.

486. Were scared and then we would spend

487. the night in the same room.

488. Cause our scared before we go to bed.

489. Were you guys cuddling?

490. So I was looking online and one of the

491. most famous scenes of the film, is when the

492. priest goes down the stairs.

493. You don t see him go down the stairs-

494. You see him at the end of them.

495. She s like Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

496. And ugh- Is that real stairs?

497. Yeah, and I found them their online.

498. They are kind of hard to find, they are

499. slightly hidden.

500. All right the stairs are coming up.

501. Should be here, according to what I read.

502. I see it. Oh wow!

503. That is some big stairs.

504. Well I ain t climbing up them stairs,

505. I ll be dead.

506. I ll race you to the top. You can off.

507. Look we you go.

508. In the film cinematic ending, Father Karras

509. plummeted seventy- five steps to his death.

510. I don t know why in the film, when they

511. found the guy dead he was in the street.

512. I can't remember him being in a car park.

513. Well, this is actually the fifth most

514. visited tourist attraction in the D. C area.

515. I didn t realize that many people knew about it.

516. Yea, I m gonna have to get a picture of you by

517. The Exorcist stairs.

518. Can't see the stairs Jack.

519. The whole point of this picture

520. is to get the stairs.

521. How was that one?

522. It s dark man.

523. Hurry up, I m pretty sure I'm laying in

524. pee right now.

525. How was that one?

526. What the I'm I doing?

527. You get the stairs in the shot?

528. I think I got it.

529. All right, Done-zo.

530. Exorcist stairs, Woo. Thanks Annie Leibovitz

531. So today we are going to the FBI.

532. Most people don t know this but I do have a-

533. kind of background at law enforcement.

534. I've been a police reserved for like

535. nearly ten years now.

536. So getting to go to the FBI is kind of cool.

537. I'm going to call The White House again.

538. I'm starting to feel a little bit of pressure.

539. They know we re here, I keep asking like

540. Hey can we get an answer? Are we coming to

541. The White House or we not coming to

542. The White House? What s the deal?

543. We shall see.

544. And we are off.

545. I was knocking on your door like an hour

546. this morning.

547. Were you? I couldn't here a thing.

548. And after a while I was like

549. Is he alive?

550. I set up for us to go to the FBI.

551. So they are gonna teach us stuff about-

552. a little bit of the history of the FBI,

553. we re gonna get to shoot some tommy guns.

554. They re gonna take us to the gun range.

555. So The White House aint up here is it?

556. No, the White House is back where we came.

557. I thought we were going to the

558. White house.

559. We were going to the White House.

560. What you mean?

561. Well I guess theirs a lot of things going

562. on right now.

563. I thing that s a load of

564. you re telling.

565. Don t shoot the messenger.

566. Are we going there or what?

567. I can t give you that answer.

568. You know what the problem is, you just

569. clearly didn t donate enough to Obama.

570. Bet if you were one of those big donation guys you

571. been there in a heart beat.

572. I was very much looking forward to going there.

573. You see, you just put your foot in your mouth.

574. Going passed tense.

575. Ah here we are. Oh yeah.

576. Yeah, look you can buy a kayak and

577. then go join the FBI.

578. All right, so here s the low down on the FBI.

579. It was created in 1908, because

580. Teddy Roosevelt pretty much demanded it.

581. Really?

582. Yeah, now where we re going today is

583. where the FBI train.

584. They even have a mock town known here called

585. Hogan s Alley.

586. Where they stage all kinds of scenarios that

587. agents might encounter, including meeting us.

588. Nice to meet you.

589. Nice to meet you too, pleasure.

590. Absolutely. Ozzy, Marc Morgan nice to meet you.

591. So I know you re going to be with us a

592. little bit so we re gonna, take you to one

593. of our ranges and ugh, show a few weapons

594. that you ll be able to shoot and then we

595. also got an old Thompson submachine gun-

596. Cool. Oh wow.

597. I m Jack. I m Ray.

598. Nice to meet you. I m Ozzy,

599. pleased to meet you. Nice to meet you too.

600. Question. Yes.

601. Does the FBI have one of every

602. gun that's made?

603. So the FBI does have a reference library collection,

604. and their goal is to have one of every

605. weapon that's ever been made?

606. What I'll do is turn it over to Ken,

607. and he ll take us through were we got

608. armed as and organization. Cool.

609. Excellent. So before 1934 the FBI agents

610. were not armed, in 1933 there is a

611. Kansas City massacre.

612. During this massacre Pretty Boy Floyd,

613. supposedly involved in this murder of 3 police officers

614. and 1 FBI agent while transporting a federal prisoner.

615. After that the United States congress then gave

616. the authorization to carry weapons.

617. The Thompson submachine gun, you know it from

618. the gang movies that are all out from 1920 s.

619. Were they legal at one point to buy?

620. They were absolutely.

621. When this first came out, it was 200 dollars

622. to buy it.

623. You could buy it out of a magazine right?

624. Absolutely.

625. The local general stores would often sell Thompson.

626. But the problem was it was way over priced.

627. At that time you could buy a vehicle

628. or a car from Ford for 400 dollars.

629. Wow.

630. Some law enforcement Agencies still use Tommy guns.

631. Really? Yup.

632. Wow.

633. The Thompson is full auto, so its 550 rounds.

634. I give you a 20 round magazine

635. it s about a 3 second ride. Okay.

636. So, you ready? Yea.

637. All right, let s have a gentlemen s bet

638. see who shoots the best.

639. Okay. The looser wears a dress.

640. Deal.

641. Be careful with the trigger cause if you

642. touch it, it will go off.

643. So shoot it just like the riffle.

644. Are you ready for rock n roll? Oh yeah.

645. Really lay into the gun.

646. Push into it, push into it as hard as you can.

647. Wow, fun.

648. Good job, look at that. I think they re all there.

649. I don t think you can beat that.

650. 19 out of 20. Good job.

651. Awesome man, wow.

652. All right, you ready? Yeah.

653. All right. All right.

654. Your gonna run the whole thing?

655. Yeah.

656. All Right.

657. Crap I think you beat me. Oh really?

658. You get a better group.

659. You got him Oz, you got him.

660. I think you got me.

661. Oh yeah, we definitely got a winner here.

662. You always like, Oh no I'm just-

663. I'm just an old rock star, leave me alone

664. I don t know what I'm doing.

665. and then you re like

666. Its good to be the king. I m not wearing a dress.

667. I will.

668. I-I know right? Well I have.

669. This part of Hogan s Alley which

670. everyone is familiar with was put together in 1986.

671. These are all set up for the training here.

672. Our next stop at the FBI academy

673. was Hogan s Alley.

674. A mock town where cadets practice tactical training.

675. Hogans Alley has the only bank in America

676. that gets robbed twice a week, every week.

677. See a lot of movies that you seen,

678. Silence of the Lamb.

679. They filled a lot of that years ago.

680. Cool.

681. Dave Kreisman, he s our chief here of

682. our tactical training unit.

683. We have a couple things here set up

684. for you today.

685. Will have interaction versus reaction drill,

686. and house of pain.

687. So they do sting a little bit ugh but will make sure

688. the faces are protected.

689. Did he just say, House of Pain?

690. He did, I guess that their like fun nickname

691. for there like quick draw competition they have.

692. Like you guys a lot of our new agents

693. haven t had a lot of experience with guns.

694. So we have to train them not only how to

695. handle their own guns, but guns that they

696. might find when they are on the street.

697. So we have everything from the smaller hand

698. guns that you can hide easily in a pocket.

699. Here s an example of what it shoots.

700. What is that? A paintball bullet basically.

701. Yes it is.

702. Its filled with detergent soap basically.

703. So it s not going to hurt you.

704. It s like getting hit with a paintball,

705. stings a little bit more. Yeah.

706. Now we re gonna do the man on man.

707. This section of the training is house of pain

708. that we run for the new agents.

709. Basically, hands are gonna be up like this.

710. When I say "threat" you re gonna

711. come down and engage.

712. One shot, as quick as you can you gotta

713. try and to beat that guy.

714. But if I say any other word, you re gonna

715. owe me some push ups.

716. It must be a scary situation to be in.

717. Yes, yeah its not fun to looking

718. down the barrel of someone else s

719. gun that's for sure.

720. All right, hands up.

721. Albuquerque.

722. Threat.

723. All right, step up to the cone.

724. Denver.

725. Threat.

726. Ah pretty even, pretty even.

727. Did you get hit Matt? Did you get hit?

728. Yup.

729. It didn t seem much fun if you win,

730. they shoot you.

731. I think it s more to do with like winning.

732. You gotta win. Okay.

733. Threat.

734. Ah for the love of god.

735. Okay so obviously you won that one.

736. All right.

737. Armadillo.

738. Denver.

739. Threat.

740. You got hit obviously.

741. Didn t get hit.

742. I think you got the better end of that.

743. That was like Kelly s go to thing.

744. She use to kick me in the nuts all the time.

745. Stay between the cones, spin around,

746. engage your target.

747. Jack don t shoot your dad.

748. I ll try not to. Okay.

749. Threat!

750. Oh Jack, you shot twice. Twice, bad habit.

751. You can take off your mask.

752. You know what, since Jack shot twice, he probably

753. deserves the penalty.

754. I can have Ozzy shoot him in the back if you want.

755. Pleasure. Alright.

756. It s a pleasure.

757. I love how you were, they were like,

758. Ozzy do you wanna do this and get shot

759. and you re like No no no no no

760. and then they re like,

761. Here why don t you just shoot Jack in the back

762. and you re like Yes.

763. I m a giver not a receiver.

764. You get one shot.

765. Turn around and you re gonna shoot him,

766. right here.

767. Woo, did he get ya? Yeah he did great.

768. That ll wake you up. Can I get a real one?

769. I can't believe there was like zero

770. hesitation to shoot me in the back.

771. Well it was my payback cause

772. we weren t at the White House yet.

773. Don t shoot the messenger. Don t shoot the messenger?

774. I thought it was Shoot the messenger.

775. So from here we can head on down

776. to the breaching wall.

777. Have you ever breached a door before?

778. Yeah.

779. You ever breached any doors?

780. No, I ve had people kick the door in on me.

781. We nearly had to this morning.

782. These are breaching doors we have setup so

783. every new agent knows how to basically

784. get into a door.

785. So he goes to get the good stance and

786. he s just going to hit it.

787. Do you wanna give it a whirl? Sure.

788. And Ozzy do you wanna take a swing at it?

789. No no no no. You got it.

790. No no... You re strong like an ox.

791. No I'm not yeah.

792. All right, you wanna give it a whirl?

793. Sure. So what we re going

794. to hit is, the sweet spot right near the doorknob

795. cause we re trying to beat the weakest

796. part of the door. All righty.

797. Oh, come on now!

798. Come on.

799. There you go.

800. We re in. Wow.

801. Good job.

802. Probably took him that long to get

803. into your house right?

804. No they get into my house a bit quicker

805. than that, the door s open.

806. Ok, the door s open.

807. You could always just do this.

808. Yeah, right. Anybody home?

809. It s the FBI. Right.

810. I ll have a go, give me a go at that.

811. All set.

812. You play it down, you re like Oh no, no, no.

813. I'm too old to do that. That's a young man s job.

814. So you bribed them, is that what you—

815. So you bribed— No, no, no.

816. So you re bribing federal agents.

817. Yes.

818. Abuse.

819. So is this the way to the White House?

820. Well, I thought we would stop by this

821. restaurant real quick because I have a slight

822. surprise for you.

823. Before we headed back to DC, and towards

824. the White House, I had set up a little surprise

825. for my father with someone who knows

826. him very well.

827. You don t have to eat, I'm actually not hungry myself.

828. Well what the do you want us

829. to go to a restaurant if we re not hungry?

830. Because we re meeting someone there.

831. Who are we meeting?

832. Do you want me to tell you the surprise

833. or do you want to wait for the surprise?

834. Tell me.

835. We re going to be meeting, Little Ozzy.

836. Little Ozzy?

837. Little Ozzy is the world s smallest

838. Ozzy Osbourne impersonator.

839. He happens to be a little person.

840. You can t use the M word.

841. The M word is a derogatory term these days.

842. You re not allowed to say it anymore.

843. Politically incorrect.

844. Can t say it. I would refer to an individual

845. as a little person and/or a dwarf.

846. No they don t.

847. How about we just call him Little Ozzy and

848. we ll just leave it at that.

849. Would you like to see a video? Yeah.

850. Where do you get this from?

851. He was on America s Got Talent with Mum.

852. Oh, fabulous.

853. Hey impersonation is the highest form of flattery.

854. Impersonators are a pain in the ass.

855. How come you and mum has to keep springing

856. this on me?

857. We know how to maximize your true potential.

858. I m 68, I think I've done all the maximizing

859. I want to do in my life.

860. Mum highly recommended, that seeing as we were in the

861. neighborhood, we should meet up with them.

862. Oh, here he is.

863. Little Ozzy: No way.

864. Little Ozzy. Jack how are you man?

865. I m good sir, how s it going?

866. Ozzy it s good to see you. Have a seat.

867. Wow I would love to have a seat.

868. Have you ever seen me perform?

869. What did you think?

870. Thank you.

871. Everybody always said You look like Ozzy

872. and you sing a lot like him.

873. Thank you.

874. Is it strange when you meet people that

875. are impersonators?

876. I would rather have met a Little Obama,

877. then I would have made an attempt to

878. going to the White House.

879. Can I ask you some advice?

880. I've had a dream all my life, it s a dream

881. like anybody else s dream.

882. I want to make a living doing music.

883. I don t understand it, I don t know what happened.

884. It s incredible. It s amazing.

885. I think you pretty much made Little Ozzy s life.

886. Yeah but I wish you wouldn t keep— you wouldn t

887. spring these things on me.

888. Well like, how much time do you need?

889. The rest of my life. Ok.

890. Cool, let me get a shot of you 2.

891. Oh my gosh. Incredible, let me fix my wig.

892. So I got a question for you. Yes.

893. You gotta level with me man, are we

894. doing this White House thing or not?

895. Just let me—I m a big boy, I can take a bad news.

896. I wanna say yes, but they haven t told me—

897. But Jack you re me around.

898. But they me around because they

899. haven t even told me—

900. When was the last time you spoke to them?

901. I spoke to them yesterday I left—

902. What did they say?

903. They said they would let me know within

904. the next 48 hours.

905. The latest they ll let me know is tomorrow morning.

906. You know what I think you re talking.

907. Listen I'm going to try again.

908. It s all right, what s the matter with me?

909. They might think you were... maybe

910. you re on a watch list and you just

911. don t know about it.

912. You see, you re with me.

913. Yeah, I m with you. You have a clean record.

914. Oh no. But um,

915. I'm not giving up hope.

916. If you re telling me you re not with

917. me I'm going to believe you. I m not with you.

918. If you are, look out.

919. I did hear back from the White House.

920. Hello? Actually yeah we re planning on leaving

921. tomorrow, tomorrow afternoon. Oh, really?

922. And we got shut down.

923. Apparently there s just too many things going on,

924. the President is leaving in a couple

925. days for Cuba.

926. It s just too crazy and they Couldn't slide us in.

927. The next best option that I do have though,

928. is the British Embassy and the British Embassy is

929. accepting us with open arms. Mein vater.

930. Hello Jack, that was fun yesterday.

931. That was a lot of fun yesterday.

932. So what s happening today? Got some bad news.

933. What s bad news?

934. The White House, they could not accommodate us.

935. Aww man. But you knew all along we

936. weren t going, you were winding me up.

937. No I didn t, I didn t know, they only

938. told me this morning.

939. That ain t very cool, they do this

940. to me all the time.

941. I was really looking forward to going to

942. the White House.

943. Yeah me too, but I got something that just

944. might be a little bit better.

945. How can you get better than the White House?

946. British Embassy? Whaa?

947. Why couldnt we go to the White House?

948. What they were trying to do,

949. was they were trying to see if they still had

950. the man power to accommodate us, but i guess

951. they just didn't have the extra body's available.

952. I'm disappointed 'cause i was really looking

953. forward to going there. Me too.

954. Hello.

955. Hey, welcome to the British

956. Ambassador s residence.

957. Thank you very much, thank you

958. for having us. Pleased to meet you.

959. This is a wonderful place, opened in 1930,

960. and just over here we have King George VI.

961. He was the first British head of state

962. to visit the US.

963. That was the Queen s father wasn t it?

964. Yep. Did he stay here?

965. As a head of state he would have stayed

966. traditionally in the White House.

967. I really wanted to visit the White House today,

968. the only problem was, my son failed

969. to get us in.

970. Oh right, ok.

971. You had to embarrass me didn t you?

972. Well at least he laughed.

973. He s British, he was being polite.

974. Stop being so serious, lighten up.

975. So the White House now has a separate

976. home called Blair House and the story is,

977. Blair House was taken on because Winston Churchill

978. visited so often being an American British

979. citizen he overstayed his welcome, shall we say,

980. in the White House. So um,

981. He was an American Citizen as well?

982. Ozzy and Patrick: His mother was American.

983. Oh wow, I didn t know that.

984. I had no idea about that, I thought that

985. was really interesting.

986. His father was—his father died of syphilis.

987. Ok.

988. Didn t we burn the White House

989. down at one point? Uh yes we did.

990. 1812.

991. The war of 1812 and British troops came

992. into Washington and we trashed the White House

993. and set it alight.

994. And the reason the White House is white

995. is because they had to paint it when they rebuilt it.

996. But they ve left a bit on the basement level

997. where there s still all the singing and smoke.

998. Wow. Really?

999. So when any prime minister comes for their

1000. first visit, the president always takes

1001. them to show them how we singed

1002. the White House.

1003. So didn t you think it was cool that

1004. there s still soot marks from when the British burnt

1005. down the White House?

1006. You know what would have been even cooler?

1007. What?

1008. If we had gone to the White House

1009. and seen it for ourselves but you

1010. Couldn't get us in the door.

1011. Sorry.

1012. Maybe we should go out onto the terrace because,

1013. Winston Churchill, on one of his visits,

1014. he came out onto the terrace and he addressed

1015. all staff of the embassies.

1016. This is absolutely magnificent.

1017. So Churchill came here regularly, obviously

1018. came a lot during World War II.

1019. The statue of him had one foot on British

1020. soil and the other is on American Soil to

1021. represent his dual citizenship.

1022. Ok. I will.

1023. I understand the Beatles came here.

1024. They did, the first concert they played

1025. in the US was in Washington.

1026. There s a very famous instance where some fan

1027. cut off a lock of Ringo Star's hair.

1028. They were the reason why I got into music.

1029. Really? They really shook the world.

1030. Jack says this often to me: I don t understand

1031. why you go crazy about the Beatles.

1032. But at the time it was just so amazing,

1033. and it made you feel good to be alive you know.

1034. Yeah.

1035. That was cool. Really cool.

1036. Hey listen Jack, I ain t gonna

1037. believe you anymore.

1038. You pissed me off all the time.

1039. I was really looking forward to going to

1040. the White House.

1041. It s not my fault we can t go.

1042. No but you d wind me up all the time.

1043. I wasn t winding you up.

1044. I couldn't sleep because I was thinking,

1045. "Oh great tomorrow we re going to

1046. the White House," and every time I get

1047. let down.

1048. I'm so waiting for Santa Claus and

1049. he don t turn up.

1050. Well in the future, don t tell me that s

1051. where I'm going.

1052. we might be going to the White House.

1053. I... they... I

1054. That s just wrong man.

1055. Sorry, I will no longer tell you

1056. what we re doing, before we do it.

1057. Thank you. What s the point of

1058. the Prince of Darkness going to Washington

1059. I was really looking forward to going to

1060. the White House.