Ozzy and Jack's World Detour 1x6

1. Jack Osbourne: You excited to be back in England?

2. Ozzy Osbourne: Abso—lutely.

3. We're gonna go to Stonehenge.

4. I wanna go to Bletchley Park.

5. Well, maybe we'll go.

6. Personally speaking, Stonehenge is on

7. my bucket list, and lo and behold,

8. it's in the backyard, basically.

9. Bletchley Park is a national treasure.

10. So is Stonehenge.

11. Yeah, but it didn't win the second World War

12. from Stonehenge.

13. But I'm sure someone won some—

14. See, you're stumped. You can't answer that.

15. Good point.

16. Also, I have kind of a good surprise.

17. Well —

18. It's kind of good — It could be —

19. That menas to me- I read that as,

20. it could be a bad surprise.

21. So I know you've wanted to get knighted,

22. and I've made some arrangements,

23. and I think it might be possible.

24. Knighted by whom?

25. Don't worry about it. A very regal person.

26. Very high up there.

27. Here we go.

28. My name's Jack Osbourne.

29. And this is my dad, Ozzy.

30. Heavy metal god. Are you ready?

31. Are you ready?

32. Prince of darkness.

33. And surprisingly enough...

34. History nerd.

35. As the old saying goes...

36. Like father, like son.

37. So my dad and I are doing something we've

38. always wanted to do.

39. We're hitting the road, just the two of us,

40. and a bucket list of places and things we've

41. only ever read about in books.

42. Oh my god, this is amazing.

43. Or seen on TV and the web.

44. Do you have your knife?

45. Yes.

46. Because, of all days, we might need it.

47. There are no roadies, no tour buses.

48. What the is this?

49. No boundaries.

50. Oh!

51. Welcome to Ozzy and Jack's World Detour.

52. Let's rock and roll.

53. Well, I'm here in my old bedroom,

54. which is kind of weird,

55. because it's still my old bedroom

56. from when I was like twelve years old.

57. So my dad and I have taken this trip across

58. the pond to knock off some of our bucket list items,

59. but the thing is, I'm actually planning on

60. getting him knighted.

61. Unfortunately, though, it's not by the Queen,

62. but by this guy I found on the internet

63. while I was looking up some info on Stonehenge.

64. He calls himself King Arthur,

65. and he just so happens to be a Neo-Druid leader.

66. Even though I haven't gotten a hold of him yet,

67. I do think we're gonna be able to pull this one off.

68. So, uh, onward and upward, and, uh, he who dares.

69. You ready?

70. Are you ready to go?

71. Are you packed?

72. Oh, I'm ready to rock, I am.

73. So today, we're gonna go to Stonehenge.

74. I'm quite excited to do this.

75. It's over three thousand years old.

76. Now, that's a good builder.

77. Right?

78. Should we load up the car and we'll go?

79. Yeah.

80. Well, like, it's like, I mean, a two-hour drive

81. and you like to stop and pee and...

82. Okay, okay.

83. Quit micro-managing our road trip.

84. Here we go.

85. It's a lovely day, Jack.

86. Oh, it is. It's awesome.

87. We absolutely lucked out.

88. This is a nice car.

89. You have the same one at home.

90. And with that, my dad and I were off on

91. our great British adventure, our course set eighty-eight

92. miles west of London to Stonehenge.

93. I'm interested to know about Bletchley Park.

94. Mmm-hmm.

95. Yeah.

96. What was the film called? Imitation Game.

97. They did.

98. We have a lot on our plate.

99. I'm not making any promises.

100. We were going to England to go to Stonehenge —

101. You know I've been a second World War

102. buff for all my life.

103. Why World War II history?

104. Well, I was born in 1948, and as a kid,

105. I used to think playgrounds were called bomb sites.

106. An hour and a half.

107. So when we get there, we're gonna bring a lamb

108. and a goat and we're gonna sacrifice them

109. to the Druid gods.

110. Did they use to sacrifice them?

111. Yeah, the Druids, I think they did the,

112. like, a lot of sacrificial stuff.

113. I think Ireland.

114. The Druids were Celtic.

115. I think a lot of them were like poets and doctors,

116. but they were totally freaking Pagan and sacrificed

117. animals and people.

118. Oh, hell.

119. But it'd be interesting to know.

120. I've never, ever been to Stonehenge.

121. This is a first for me and you.

122. It's fun, right? I mean —

123. Thirty years.

124. Hey, it's better than never.

125. Absolutely. I love ya.

126. Love you too.

127. You're the only man I've ever loved.

128. Look, first Stonehenge sign.

129. Stonehenge!

130. My dad is many things.

131. He's a great father, an international rock star.

132. But one thing he is not, is a navigator.

133. That said go straight, and this is saying,

134. take this exit.

135. What... do we follow the street sign, you think?

136. Census?

137. But this, but this sign now.

138. Well, but that, that sign said straight,

139. and this is saying, say left, to go left.

140. But the sign back there said,

141. go straight over the round-about.

142. Am I turning right here?

143. No.

144. I think so, yeah.

145. Now.

146. Ramming speed.

147. Ten points.

148. That says a sign right there.

149. It says Stonehenge, this way.

150. You see that brown thing?

151. The tree?

152. No, look at the brown sign right there.

153. Stonehenge, this way.

154. I'm thinking I'll have a piss on Stonehenge.

155. Just pee on it.

156. You have a good track record of pissing

157. on national monuments.

158. There's a bunch... There it is!

159. Where?

160. Stonehenge! Where?

161. Right the ahead of you.

162. It's, it's amazing.

163. It's like the Pyramids.

164. I told you, you're fine.

165. You look good.

166. I mean, they're a bit flamboyant for England.

167. I'll go to your mother, these will be all right.

168. She goes, "Yeah, yeah."

169. Are you ready to get your Henge on?

170. Stonehenge!

171. Dr. So you haven't ever

172. been here before?

173. I've never been here. No.

174. I've pulled off the side of the motorway.

175. But I've driven by it a few times.

176. Yeah? Yeah?

177. I've never been here.

178. I like your shoes.

179. Thank you.

180. First thing that lady says to you is,

181. "Oh, I like your shoes."

182. They'll go, ha-ha, yeah, they look fabulous.

183. It's great you were able to come.

184. I'm just gonna talk to some people and

185. give them a bit of a tour,

186. so would you like to join in?

187. Absolutely. How's it going?

188. Good, thank you.

189. We're gonna tag along in your,

190. uh, guided tour.

191. Okay, let's go towards the stones.

192. One of the things that people say is,

193. they look very small from a distance,

194. but when you get close up,

195. you realize just how huge they are.

196. Yeah.

197. How much does the biggest block weigh?

198. Fifty tons, I think.

199. Wow. Wow.

200. Somebody broke their back.

201. All right, I get the theory that they

202. could have vaulted the upright pillars in.

203. Mmm.

204. But how are they gonna get a twenty-ton —

205. Well —

206. Yeah.

207. And just- yeah.

208. Built up a ramp. Uh-huh.

209. I mean, the honest answer is,

210. we're not absolutely sure.

211. Wow.

212. Whether we'll ever know, I don't know.

213. But it's one of the amazing things about Stonehenge.

214. Aliens. It's aliens.

215. Is this the oldest standing man-made

216. structure in the world?

217. Of this magnitude, yes. Yeah?

218. Round about 2500 B. C.

219. Wow.

220. It's a quite a long time ago.

221. Yeah.

222. Uh, and then, we know it's definitely built

223. on a solstice alignment.

224. Mmm-hmm.

225. So the mid-summer sunrise comes

226. right through the stones.

227. What is it I read about the sound —?

228. The acoustic properties?

229. When you're in the center of the circle,

230. there definitely is an acoustic property,

231. even though it's open air.

232. But it's wellest at the blue stones,

233. which are the smaller stones.

234. They are thought to have acoustic properties.

235. Interesting.

236. They actually ring.

237. Wow. Very cool.

238. hell.

239. Now when, when this place closes,

240. you sometimes just go?

241. Head on in there?

242. What, me personally? Well.

243. What is the likelihood of actually being

244. able to go inside the circle?

245. We have so many visitors,

246. it's difficult to let everyone in.

247. But we have what's called special access.

248. Okay.

249. Was there a point when a lot of people

250. weren't normally allowed to go in there?

251. I think so.

252. I think it wasn't roped off until like fairly recently.

253. Well, I suppose they were writing Mary and Jimmy,

254. love forever.

255. Now, if there was no ropes, there were no security,

256. would you have chiseled your name into Stonehenge?

257. No. No, I wouldn't.

258. I probably would.

259. I'd put your name.

260. Thanks for giving us a little guided tour.

261. Yeah. That was fantastic.

262. Yeah. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

263. And we've been granted the special

264. access to enter the inner circle.

265. Wow. Am I dreaming?

266. Wow.

267. This is pretty cool. Gotta get in the Henge.

268. They're big stones.

269. Wow.

270. This is awesome, man.

271. This is so cool.

272. This is like the world's oldest backstage pass.

273. I wonder if the Queen has ever been here.

274. Look at it like this.

275. The solstice is in June.

276. So June, July, August, September.

277. This is where the sun —

278. But if you stand here, it's like we're back —

279. We're back in August.

280. This strange thing with the moss on it

281. is marine moss.

282. Yeah?

283. Only occurs at the beach.

284. They don't understand why it grows on these rocks?

285. Aliens.

286. I'm not saying it's aliens. But it's aliens.

287. Oldest house I've ever been in.

288. Air conditioning was —

289. It's a little drafty.

290. We should test the acoustics, give a couple claps.

291. This one right here.

292. Oh, yeah?

293. One, one, two.

294. Just talk loud normally.

295. One. Hello?

296. Here, come stand here and face these rocks.

297. Testing.

298. Ah, hear? You can definitely here them.

299. Yeah.

300. Whoa.

301. Yeah, you definitely can.

302. That's really cool.

303. He's doing it too.

304. Whoever built that literally left

305. a lasting impression —

306. Oh, absolutely.

307. To, like, effect the course of the planet.

308. It's unbelievable.

309. Stonehenge selfie.

310. I sent Mum a bunch of pictures.

311. She's loving it.

312. Not here.

313. They wouldn't have had it here.

314. Mushrooms, sure.

315. Wine? Wine?

316. They could have had wine.

317. I mean, listen, if they could build that,

318. I'm sure they could figure out how to get pissed.

319. Tomorrow, what do you think about

320. if we looked into maybe finding the quarry?

321. Well, the quarry's kind of interesting, cuz —

322. It's not historic.

323. I mean, they made a movie about it, Bletchley.

324. Yeah.

325. But they haven't made a movie

326. about a quarry.

327. Sure, they have.

328. They've been in plenty of movies.

329. Yeah, but they get an Oscar?

330. What's historic about a —?

331. Well, it's, it's more to help contextualize

332. what we saw today.

333. Yeah.

334. What did the quarry do?

335. Gave rocks. Sacrificed itself for rocks.

336. We will try very hard to go to Bletchley.

337. Oh, come on.

338. Hail to you, King Arthur.

339. My name is Squire Osbourne

340. of the Los Angeles Osbournes,

341. by way of Buckinghamshire.

342. My quest to get my dad knighted was in full effect.

343. But I had been making calls all night

344. and I had yet to get in touch with

345. his majesty, King Arthur.

346. Nope, that ain't working either.

347. It's, uh, about five thirty-eight in the a. m.

348. This quest is proving to be a slightly tricky one,

349. but if every quest was easy,

350. people would be doing them left and right.

351. It'd be no big deal.

352. We will get ahold of King Arthur,

353. ultimately, and I will get my dad knighted.

354. I still have a child-like sense of wonder.

355. The day is young.

356. My hopes, dreams, and aspirations

357. are strong and confident, so, uh, onward and upward.

358. Good morning.

359. I like this. A warm layer.

360. Yeah.

361. Where am I going?

362. You're in there. On this side.

363. Pretty impressive.

364. I decided to bail on going to the quarry,

365. since my dad wasn't so keen on it.

366. But I saw on the news that archeologists

367. had recently discovered a brand new site

368. that they were calling Superhenge.

369. It's supposedly five times times

370. bigger than Stonehenge,

371. so I thought, let's go check it out.

372. So, where are we going now?

373. We're going to Superhenge.

374. Well, I thought, isn't that super enough,

375. what we've just been to?

376. This is like mega Henge.

377. Mega Henge.

378. That's like average Henge.

379. This is like mega Henge.

380. Oh, yes.

381. Here it is.

382. Where?

383. Here.

384. What's super about this place?

385. You can't see anything. It's a field.

386. You smoking dope?

387. It is just a field,

388. but using ground-penetrating radar,

389. scientists have found an archeological site

390. with about nineteen large stones,

391. apparently older than Stone Henge,

392. just hidden under a sheep pasture

393. for thousands of years.

394. I think we should have gone to

395. Bletchley Park.

396. This is great.

397. Got up at six o'clock in the morning,

398. saw the real Stonehenge.

399. Now we're looking for Superhenge.

400. It's a field with trees and that's it.

401. What's super about that?

402. Let's go.

403. Let's go. We're done.

404. That was it. Superhenge.

405. It was great.

406. Before we go anywhere else,

407. can we just please get something to eat?

408. Well, I was starving.

409. So I made course for England's oldest pub.

410. Allegedly.

411. This is like some Game of Thrones.

412. Do you mind taking a picture with us?

413. Sure.

414. Oh my god!

415. Thank you!

416. Thank you so much!

417. Sit in the window.

418. Yep.

419. There's a cat there.

420. Where?

421. Here's a menu.

422. You're not gonna eat anything?

423. No.

424. They've got good stuff.

425. I bet they have, but —

426. You're gonna be happy I brought all those snacks.

427. Oh, oh, yeah.

428. This is the Royal Standard.

429. The hell, is it?

430. People have been gettingdrunk in this

431. building for a thousand years.

432. Wow, that's a big hangover.

433. But I know there's different sections,

434. like there's an older part and there's a newer part.

435. What to get...

436. I don't know. I'm torn.

437. What should I get, cat?

438. I am gonna get the fish and chips.

439. Sure you don't want anything?

440. I'm fine. Well...

441. I've just gained a cat.

442. Hello, chaps.

443. Can I get you any drinks at all?

444. I'm fine. I'm, I'm...

445. You're not gonna eat?

446. No, I'm fine.

447. Uh, can I do the fish and chips?

448. Yeah.

449. This is Matthew O'Keeffe.

450. Matthew O'Keeffe: Jack. Hey.

451. He's the head here at the pub.

452. Hey, how's it going? Hi Ozzy.

453. Welcome to it. How's it going?

454. That's right.

455. How old is this structure?

456. Well, initially, it would have been

457. a little Saxon hovel.

458. Because they used to make tiles up the road,

459. you would put them on oxen,

460. but the oxen can't go straight downhill

461. with a great big load.

462. They had to sort of meander down,

463. so they had to pass the little Saxon hut.

464. In those days, you drank beer,

465. because water was poisonous to humans.

466. It still is, in my opinion.

467. So, essentially, the Royal Standard Pub

468. was a truck stop for guys hauling tiles to London,

469. and so they would hang out and get drunk,

470. because they couldn't drink the water,

471. because it was poisonous.

472. Fantastic.

473. Can I get you any sauces? Vinegar or...?

474. I'll take some ketchup, please.

475. Ketchup.

476. Ozzy, are you sure you don't want anything?

477. I'm fine, thanks.

478. Not even a half portion? I'm fine, I'm fine.

479. Not gonna get food envy? Nope.

480. No, it's funny, like, you know,

481. living in the States, everything is just so new.

482. My sister's got a house in Cape Cod.

483. Oh, wow.

484. So, uh, so, as you see, two hundred years old

485. plus, only because, um, it's great because

486. the fish you can, you can see up on the Cape.

487. Yeah.

488. Ah, yeah, the Portuguese fish over there,

489. so, you know, they view it as amazing cities, um...

490. You know what,

491. I will have some fish and chips.

492. I knew it.

493. Same portion? Same size?

494. Yeah, yeah.

495. Mushy peas?

496. Yeah.

497. Yeah. Won't be long.

498. Fish and chips is still the most

499. popular dish in Britain.

500. Across the country, it's fish and chips.

501. Sausage and mash.

502. Thank you.

503. A pie, chicken ticker. Who knows?

504. Probably another pie.

505. Great pub.

506. Fantastic pub.

507. I know. Cheers, guys.

508. Cheers. Thank you.

509. It's a good fish and chip, isn't it?

510. Oh, yeah.

511. I actually think it's way better than the Chip Shop.

512. That's what I think.

513. Way better than the Chip Shop.

514. I knew you'd break.

515. How do you know where you're going?

516. Following the blue line.

517. I was on a quest to get my dad knighted,

518. but I still had no response from

519. his majesty, King Arthur.

520. So in the meantime, I decided it was time

521. to give my intrepid but terrible navigator

522. exactly what his heart desired.

523. Bletchley Park.

524. Finally.

525. I've always wanted to go here.

526. I just wonder what's there.

527. I don't think there's much there.

528. It's probably just empty sheds now, I suppose.

529. It's gotta be a museum, because that was

530. actually the center of British intelligence

531. during World War II.

532. The British intercepted secret Nazi messages,

533. but they couldn't understand them.

534. I can't believe that there was

535. nine thousand people working to break

536. the Nazi codes, and it was all kept secret.

537. I mean, typical you,

538. we're on the way to Bletchley and

539. your only concerned bout nicking.

540. No, it's old habits die hard.

541. Before I got successful in the music business...

542. I had to get it one way or another.

543. No wonder the Queen hasn't knighted you.

544. She's afraid you're gonna nick the sword after

545. she taps you on the shoulders with it.

546. No, I'm not that bad.

547. Bletchley, four miles.

548. Alas, we've arrived.

549. And I think we go in here to pay.

550. Uh, two tickets, please.

551. Do we get the senior discount?

552. There we go.

553. We got two pounds off.

554. Oh, fantastic.

555. Thank you very much.

556. Thank you very much.

557. Have a great day.

558. Cheers.

559. How'd you like that senior citizen discount?

560. I don't really like being reminded

561. that I'm sixty-seven.

562. Senior citizen ticket, pops?

563. off.

564. Dad, just look at Churchill.

565. That's the iPhone One.

566. That's the iPhone Three.

567. And that's the iPhone Six S.

568. First iPad.

569. Yeah, exactly, it's the iPad.

570. Bletchley Park...

571. Compound.

572. Yeah, I had no idea.

573. Tom Briggs: During World War II,

574. Germany was enciphering their messages

575. they were sending between each other.

576. So they were making them unintelligible.

577. One of the machines they were using

578. to do that was called Enigma,

579. and here at Bletchley Park,

580. they were working to try and figure out

581. what those messages were saying.

582. So this is a real...?

583. This is a real, working Enigma machine,

584. not a reproduction.

585. Yes. It's a fairly simple machine,

586. but it takes a genius to have the idea

587. in the first place.

588. Yeah.

589. All right, so here is how the

590. Enigma machine worked.

591. A German soldier would type a secret message

592. into the machine, and the machine would

593. scramble the message into random letters.

594. The soldier who received the letters would

595. use his Enigma machine to unscramble it.

596. I know a bit about it.

597. You know a bit, um...?

598. Yeah, so you've got these things here.

599. You set these to a certain position,

600. and then you start typing.

601. So if you wanna press a key,

602. if you hold the key down,

603. you'll see that, uh, a letter lights up,

604. but it's the wrong one.

605. Oh, I see.

606. If you press the same key again,

607. a different letter lights up.

608. Oh, wow.

609. Because every time you press a key,

610. one of these turns.

611. Wow. Okay.

612. Yeah, so it just kind of changes

613. the configuration.

614. A lot of people are basing their knowledge of this from,

615. you know, from Imitation Game.

616. I didn't quite understand, at the end,

617. they figured out the cipher because

618. of how it would type Heil Hitler

619. at the end of every message.

620. What was it about that?

621. One of the things was the predictability

622. of some of the messages.

623. So Heil Hitler was one of those things

624. they'd be fairly confident that a lot

625. of the messages would end in Heil Hitler.

626. That means that if you, you go to a particular message,

627. you can find an area at the end where you

628. think that says, Heil Hitler, and then you

629. can work backwards to find the right

630. settings that produced that.

631. Those were known as crypts,

632. bits of a message where you were confident

633. as to what they should say.

634. Yeah.

635. And then you can use that to work backwards.

636. It's still a fairly secure machine,

637. by today's standards.

638. Really?

639. But how it was used opened it up.

640. One of the issues, just to give you an example,

641. the Enigma operators would have to set these

642. to a certain position to start each message.

643. Mmm-hmm?

644. To do that, they were supposed to

645. think of three random letters,

646. and then change the letters into numbers

647. and dial them in here.

648. But of course, you ask a person to

649. think of three random letters, and they don't.

650. Random is very difficult to achieve.

651. So they used to use things like

652. girls' names and swear words,

653. more often than anything else.

654. Which is exactly the same problem we have today.

655. Uh-huh?

656. When we're logging into our e-mail

657. accounts or whatever on the internet.

658. Passwords are the weak point in cryptographic systems,

659. and that was true in World War II, as well.

660. But as an Enigma operator,

661. you'd need to change more than just those settings.

662. If I open this up, there's three wheels in there.

663. And I've got another one here.

664. You'd have five of these with the set.

665. So you've got another level of setting there.

666. Wow.

667. So you've gotta get those in the right place.

668. And then, when you've done that,

669. there's another level of setting down here.

670. You've gotta get all these plugs in the right place,

671. and there's coming up for a hundred

672. and fifty-one trillion different possible positions.

673. A hundred and fifty-one trillion?

674. Just for this board down here.

675. Wow.

676. You put it all together,

677. and you've got near enough a hundred

678. and fifty-nine quin-tillion settings.

679. That's a hundred and fifty-nine million million million.

680. Wow.

681. So no wonder they thought it

682. couldn't get- be broken?

683. Yes. Yes.

684. It was like — Fifty million —

685. Yeah, it was like — Billion million —

686. Million million million.

687. Fifteen million million million million...

688. Endless.

689. Endless. Exactly.

690. Basically, this was like early text messaging

691. where you had no idea what everyone was

692. saying to each other?

693. Uh, yeah, yeah. It's — Emojis.

694. Brilliant. Thank you very much.

695. Cheers. Nice to meet you.

696. And you.

697. Now, were you able to figure out how

698. it worked at the end of it?

699. No.

700. Me neither.

701. This is like your, your favorite book place ever.

702. It's just all World War II books.

703. Oh, look. Hitler.

704. Nope, that would be the guy

705. that broke the code.

706. Breaking the code, breaking the code.

707. Alan Turing was a genius who finally

708. broke the Nazi Enigma machine code

709. by creating what everyone now calls

710. the Turing Machine.

711. So what is the machine?

712. It's essentially thirty-six of those

713. Enigma machines over there, but just in one cabinet.

714. What you're doing is you're using this machine

715. to work out what the settings of the

716. Enigma machine that sent the message had

717. to have been when they sent the original message.

718. So what you do, you set this machine up.

719. We're using twelve Enigma machines here today,

720. and we've set the machines running.

721. And when each of those Enigma machines

722. delivers the letter that we've asked them

723. to look for at the same time,

724. the machine then comes to a halt and

725. gives us a potential solution.

726. So what's happening now, each of these Enigmas is

727. looking for the letter that we've them to look for.

728. I don't have any idea how that machine works.

729. I don't get it.

730. Oh, the, the top one goes to

731. the thicker one, and...

732. It's gonna try twenty-six,

733. times twenty-six, times twenty-six

734. different combinations,

735. about seventeen and a half thousand of them,

736. and within thirty minutes or so,

737. it's finished the job.

738. And at that point, the folks have the one

739. setting of that machine, out of a possible

740. one hundred and fifty-eight million million million

741. different settings.

742. Historians now have agreed that the work

743. that went on at Bletchley Park

744. shortened World War II by two whole years.

745. And if you do the sums,

746. that works out at something like fourteen million lives

747. saved as a result of what went on at Bletchley Park.

748. Any questions?

749. How long did it take to build this machine?

750. Original one, just a few months,

751. because, you know, they had a whole factory

752. at their disposal.

753. But to rebuild this one, the replica,

754. about twelve years from beginning to end.

755. Wow. Did you have a blueprint?

756. We had some blueprints.

757. One of the things that was missing

758. was the wiring diagram. Yeah?

759. There's, there's twelve miles of wiring in this.

760. Wow.

761. So the folks who rebuilt this had

762. to figure out all the gaps.

763. Now, were you communicating with some

764. of the original people that worked on it at the time?

765. Yes. The project started in 1995.

766. There were still some people around.

767. Thank you very much. Appreciate it.

768. You're very welcome.

769. Cheers. Thank you. Thank you.

770. Like, all I know is that it would do

771. a bunch of things at the same time.

772. This machine had X million million codes.

773. In different sequences to figure out —

774. It figured it out somehow and it was

775. built by people much smarter than myself,

776. and probably, my dad.

777. Well, you had your day.

778. Yes.

779. I hope you enjoyed it.

780. Yeah, it's been fun.

781. I'm still determined to get you knighted.

782. By this time tomorrow, I'm hoping you will

783. be known as Sir Ozzy Osbourne of the Realm.

784. So it's our final day here in England,

785. and unfortunately, I have not heard back from our

786. Neo-Druid leader, the majestic King Arthur.

787. And I'm still determined to get my dad knighted.

788. So I think we're gonna have to take

789. things into our own hands, and, uh,

790. do an old fashioned man hunt.

791. Good morning.

792. Ready to go?

793. Yeah, just grabbing my bag.

794. Come on in. Okay.

795. We're gonna find King Arthur today.

796. The real King Arthur?

797. Yes. According to him.

798. Oh, he's crazy.

799. We're going on a quest, father.

800. He's not dressed like a Viking or whatever?

801. There are some interesting pictures

802. of some interesting outfits.

803. All right.

804. Come on, let's go. Let's go.

805. So Jack, who was King Arthur?

806. Well, according to legend, he was a British king,

807. something around like the fifth or sixth century,

808. who led the knights of the Round Table,

809. uh, and apparently went to war against Saxon invaders.

810. Is it myth? Or did he really exist?

811. Modern historians can continuously debate

812. if he existed or not.

813. Really?

814. Yeah. And I kind of tend to believe

815. that he did exist in some fashion.

816. So this guy you found really does

817. think he's King Arthur?

818. I think we should give him a call.

819. You got his number?

820. I do have his number.

821. You can't be King Arthur if

822. you've got a phone number.

823. I bet you King Arthur back in the day

824. had all the modern technology.

825. Yeah, called axes and —

826. Yeah, axes and courier pigeons.

827. When we gonna meet this dude?

828. I don't know. We gotta find out.

829. Oh, okay.

830. Hail King Arthur, tis I, Squire Osbourne,

831. with Master Osbourne from Buckinghamshire.

832. Hi-ho.

833. Sent you a couple messages on Facebook.

834. So we'd love it if you'd call me back,

835. and hopefully, we can meet and we can

836. go on a quest together. Bye.

837. There's one born every day.

838. I think it's bull.

839. Yeah, whatever. He is the real one.

840. And if he likes you, he might knight you.

841. Why the are you doing that?

842. Don't you wanna be Sir Ozzy Osbourne

843. of King Arthur's realm?

844. I'd rather be Sir Ozzy Osbourne

845. of Queen Elizabeth's realm, but.

846. If you were to get knighted by the Queen,

847. what does that mean to you?

848. It's coming out, coming from a working

849. class background, it's a way I could

850. make my, my wife a lady.

851. I don't think so, no.

852. The titles don't transfer to wives.

853. What?

854. You have to get damed.

855. It'd be, she, they'll call, they'll call, uh...

856. Whatever. Anyway. It'd be nice.

857. All I'm gonna say is that,

858. if you can be the Prince of Darkness,

859. he can be King Arthur.

860. Check mate.

861. So when I was reading about him,

862. he is kind of known in the community.

863. If he doesn't call us back,

864. I think we should just drive around his town,

865. asking people if they know where he lives.

866. This is a nice little village.

867. There, the river.

868. That's a cool building.

869. Very old, cool building.

870. Should we ask this old boy?

871. Excuse me?

872. Do you know Arthur Pendragon.

873. Oh, okay.

874. He just looked at me like,

875. what the did you just say to me?

876. Excuse me, do any of you guys

877. know Arthur Pendragon?

878. He's supposed to live around here.

879. I don't know.

880. All right. Have a good one.

881. Let's ask this guy with the brisk walk.

882. He looks like a local.

883. Excuse me, do you live around here?

884. Yeah.

885. Do you know Arthur Pendragon?

886. Do I know him?

887. Yeah. Yeah.

888. Oh, you do?

889. I don't know where he hangs out though.

890. Okay. All right. Thanks.

891. The key to this is finding people

892. who work around here.

893. Like, look like they're like uber locals.

894. Oh, look at them.

895. Here we go. Excuse me?

896. You wouldn't have to know where

897. Arthur Pendragon lives, do you?

898. I believe his missus works for the

899. flower trade up by Butloyd's Bank.

900. Okay. I'll go look in there.

901. Yeah, all right.

902. Cheers, thanks.

903. They do know him then.

904. Yeah.

905. Oh, we have a call.

906. This could be him.

907. Hello?

908. Who am I speaking to, please?

909. Uh, this is Jack Osbourne. Who's this?

910. And this is Ozzy Osbourne.

911. I thought you were King Arthur, aren't you?

912. Text us your address.

913. Yeah, all right.

914. We've been looking for you, all day.

915. If you're not, we will joust.

916. On iron horses.

917. All right, bye.

918. King Arthur, here we come.

919. Where, where, where is King Arthur's place?

920. Nav says we are here.

921. Ready to do this?

922. Are you?

923. No.

924. King Arthur?

925. It is I, Squire Osbourne and Master Osbourne.

926. Camelot's changed.

927. Oh, look. It's Camelot.

928. Hello, sir.

929. Come in. All right.

930. Come in, guys.

931. Come through. How you doing?

932. Real quick, here's the deal.

933. This guy claims he is King Arthur and believes

934. he has the authority to knight people,

935. which is good enough for me.

936. What's going on, Arthur?

937. Not a lot.

938. You checked us, to make sure we

939. were who we were.

940. How do you know you're actually King Arthur?

941. My name is actually Arthur Pendragon.

942. But more importantly,

943. I've got a broad sword that's actually called Excalibur.

944. Here it is. Let's show it.

945. Wow. Wow.

946. And as you can see, hand on the heart,

947. coated broad sword, full tank,

948. full fighting blade, and as it says on it...

949. Excalibur.

950. I was thinking that at one point, being like —

951. What if he went, I am King Arthur?

952. And if it's real Excalibur, I've got a bit of —

953. Real Arthur. Real King Arthur.

954. So that's, yeah. They go hand in hand.

955. Have you ever had anyone challenge your,

956. uh, right as King Arthur?

957. Often.

958. Yeah?

959. Yeah. But I'm still here and I'm still Arthur.

960. Is there a possibility that we can get knighted?

961. Let's do it, go on a quest.

962. So, where do you wanna go?

963. Where should we go?

964. Where was supposedly the King Arthur

965. of Middles Ages buried?

966. Ah-ha, yeah!

967. In the biggest open air lunatic asylum in Britain.

968. Let's go there.

969. Okay. Glastonbury.

970. Because it just makes them

971. way more entertaining.

972. Mmm. Lower nut, yep. Mmm-hmm.

973. I'm gonna smack you. I'm gonna —

974. So was King Arthur of the kind of Middle Ages?

975. Cuz I was all, I was always led to believe

976. that it was like a, a myth.

977. Was he actually a real...?

978. I'll tell you what. I will tell you exactly

979. the answer to that. By the grave.

980. Okay.

981. When we get down there. All right.

982. And then, I'll knight you both.

983. Let's do it.

984. We'll be the royal procession.

985. Let's go.

986. You're on.

987. There's his iron steed.

988. Oh, yeah. Ye olde throne.

989. Alrighty.

990. Well, we're being guided to a gallant

991. destination with none other than

992. King Arthur in the lead.

993. What have we done? What have we started?

994. Oh, I, I think it's bull.

995. Led by the majestic King Arthur

996. on his iron steed, with the elegant

997. Lady Guinevere clutching him by the waist,

998. we arrived in the medieval town of Glastonbury.

999. King Arthur, where are we exactly?

1000. Well, we're in the ruin of Glastonbury Abbey.

1001. Okay.

1002. In Glastonbury, and we're coming up here to

1003. the supposed tomb of Arthur and Guinevere

1004. that they found, but, really,

1005. it's pretty self-explanatory.

1006. All right.

1007. So, the site of King Arthur's tomb.

1008. "In the year 1191, the bodies of King Arthur and his

1009. Queen were said to have been found on the

1010. south side of the Lady Chapel.

1011. This tomb survived until the dissolution

1012. of the Abbey in 1539."

1013. Then what happened?

1014. Nobody really knows.

1015. But I'll let you into a secret,

1016. as far as I'm concerned.

1017. Okay.

1018. There never was a King Arthur.

1019. Or dragons.

1020. I've said nothing. Is this guy for real?

1021. Where, where did that come from?

1022. It's a Hollywood interpretation.

1023. There was a chieftain called Arthur.

1024. I mean, when you hear the expression,

1025. King Arthur and the knights of the Round Table,

1026. in your mind's eye, when you hear king,

1027. substitute it for chieftain.

1028. When you hear knight,

1029. substitute it for mountain warrior.

1030. Mmm-hmm.

1031. And that's the reality of it.

1032. If there weren't a King Arthur,

1033. why did we see this fruit loop then?

1034. I think he tries to embody the

1035. mythology of the character.

1036. Why is he walking around with

1037. a seventeen-foot sword?

1038. He's keeping it real.

1039. So, uh, Arthur, what's the, uh,

1040. what's the deal with getting knighted?

1041. How does this work?

1042. Well, basically, I go off...

1043. Mmm-hmm.

1044. Okay.

1045. And, uh, we'll do it, yeah?

1046. See you later.

1047. Yeah. Yeah.

1048. We'll do it. We'll do it.

1049. I'm in.

1050. Join the tribe.

1051. Try not to do that when they're looking at you.

1052. You're like, off to the side, like...

1053. And he's, like, looking at you like,

1054. what the are you doing?

1055. Don't, don't get me wrong.

1056. It's pretty cool to get knighted by King Arthur.

1057. But the guy's a fruit loop.

1058. But the internet didn't say it would be like this.

1059. Beam me up, Scotty.

1060. Let's go get knighted.

1061. Tomorrow's gonna be a new day,

1062. because it's gonna be the first day you wake

1063. up as a knight from the realm.

1064. Oh, yeah.

1065. How do you feel about getting knighted?

1066. Sir Ozzy, Prince of Darkness.

1067. Look. That's, that's, that's the,

1068. can you hear the music?

1069. The ice cream truck?

1070. The what?

1071. That's our, um, that's the ceremonial music,

1072. the ice cream truck.

1073. Smile.

1074. Look. In the, in the distance.

1075. I don't know what I'm walking into.

1076. What would you do if we just walk over there

1077. and it's like a gang,

1078. and they have to like jump us in.

1079. They're like, you gotta, you gotta

1080. survive two minutes.

1081. And they just kick the out of us.

1082. It's very nice.

1083. It's about to get blood all over it.

1084. So, my quest is almost complete.

1085. Either I get my dad knighted,

1086. or we get jumped.

1087. I'm not quite sure yet.

1088. If it isn't Squire and Master Osbourne.

1089. What I'm gonna do is teach you the Druid's vow.

1090. Okay.

1091. But you have to join hands to do it.

1092. Okay.

1093. So, you join hands, and it goes like this.

1094. We swear, by peace and love,

1095. to stand, heart to heart and hand in hand.

1096. Mark our spirits and hear us now.

1097. Confirming this, our sacred vow.

1098. So now, join in with us. Okay.

1099. We swear, by peace and love,

1100. to stand, heart to heart and hand in hand.

1101. Mark our spirits and hear us now.

1102. Confirming this, our sacred vow.

1103. hell.

1104. So once we ground ourselves,

1105. at the base of Glastonbury Tor,

1106. and I'm gonna ask you both in turn to

1107. kneel beneath this sword,

1108. and you swear to truth, to honor,

1109. and to justice, and you join the tribe.

1110. So whichever of you would like to go first.

1111. I will.

1112. If you'd like to kneel beneath the Sword of Briton

1113. and repeat after me.

1114. To speak the truth.

1115. Yes.

1116. To honor your spoken word.

1117. Yes.

1118. To be just and fair in all your dealings.

1119. Yes.

1120. Now, this is ancient Welsh.

1121. That merely means, truth, honor, and justice.

1122. Arise, bard and knight.

1123. Welcome to the tribe.

1124. Welcome to the tribe, Ozzy.

1125. And it's exactly the same.

1126. It's, to speak the truth.

1127. Yes.

1128. To honor your spoken word.

1129. Yes.

1130. And to be just and fair in all your dealings.

1131. Yes.

1132. Arise, bard and knight.

1133. Yes.

1134. Welcome to the tribe.

1135. Ozzy, give us a hug.

1136. You know us now, dude.

1137. Are you on or off the wagon at

1138. this moment in time?

1139. Completely off the wagon. On the wagon.

1140. You're completely on the wagon.

1141. On the wagon.

1142. You're completely on the wagon?

1143. So you wouldn't join us in a tiny drop of mead?

1144. I can't, no. No. But you would?

1145. No, I don't drink either.

1146. All the more for us.

1147. Anyways, great to have met you.

1148. Absolutely.

1149. Lovely. God bless you.

1150. Thank you so much, King Arthur.

1151. Stay, stay in touch. We will, indeed.

1152. All right. Blessed be. Blessed be.

1153. Thank you. Take care.

1154. Well, Sir Jack.

1155. Well, Sir, uh, Ozzy.

1156. How do you feel about that?

1157. You finally got knighted.

1158. I think we're all mad.

1159. You're the black knight.

1160. Ozzy Osbourne, Prince of Darkness,

1161. global icon, black knight.

1162. How have you felt about the last few days?

1163. It's been interesting, to say the least.

1164. It was a good time, right?

1165. Stonehenge was good.

1166. Bletchley Park was good.

1167. This, this King Arthur, he was strange,

1168. but he was still fun.

1169. Is it weird that I feel obligated to,

1170. like, now Facebook friends him?

1171. What's Facebook friends?

1172. I've heard of it.

1173. I've heard of it.

1174. You have a Facebook page.

1175. If you want, I can show you how to use it.