Ozzy and Jack's World Detour 1x2

1. Jack Osbourne: I hope you packed your

2. cowboy boots and spurs.

3. And your ten gallon hat.

4. Ozzy Osbourne: For what?

5. Going to Texas. I've been speaking to the

6. good people of NASA and...

7. I'm looking forward to that.

8. And they're welcoming us with opens arms

9. and they're going to let us do some really cool things.

10. That sounds fabulous.

11. And we're going to go to the Alamo.

12. Um, that you may have...

13. Say that again. What was that?

14. Alamo.

15. that. I'm not going to the

16. Alamo.

17. You are an integral part of the Alamo history.

18. I think it's time that we really get to the bottom

19. of what actually happened because there's

20. many conflicting stories.

21. You go. I'll watch you on a television.

22. If we get wind that it's going to be too crazy

23. or if it's just not good..

24. Let, let me tell you something.

25. It will be beyond crazy.

26. You just mark... mark my words.

27. Shouldn't have... shouldn't have pissed on it then.

28. off.

29. My name's Jack Osbourne.

30. And this is my dad, Ozzy.

31. Heavy metal god.

32. Ozzy Osbourne: Are you ready?

33. Prince of darkness.

34. And surprisingly enough...

35. History nerd.

36. As the old saying goes...

37. Like father, like son.

38. So my dad and I are doing something we've

39. always wanted to do.

40. We're hitting the road, just the two of us,

41. and a bucket list of places and things we've only

42. ever read about in books.

43. Oh my God, this is amazing.

44. Or seen on TV and the Web.

45. Do you have your knife?

46. Yes.

47. Because, of all days we might need it.

48. There are no roadies. No tour buses.

49. What the is this?

50. No boundaries.

51. Oh!

52. Welcome to Ozzy and Jack's World Detour.

53. Let's rock 'n' roll.

54. Houston, we don't have a problem right now.

55. Today, we are going to NASA. Johnson's Space Center.

56. And I am pumped. So is my dad.

57. He was texting me this morning, being like,

58. 'Aw, I couldn't sleep all night. I'm so excited.

59. Da, da, da, da, da.' So the main reason we're actually

60. here in Texas is to get to the bottom of a kind of

61. interesting chapter in my family's history

62. and rock 'n' roll history.

63. So there's a story that goes like this.

64. In 1982, while my father was touring in America,

65. they were playing in San Antonio.

66. And the day of the show, I believe, my dad woke up,

67. decided to go for a walk, and take a pee.

68. Some people say he did pee on the Alamo.

69. Some people say he didn't pee on the Alamo.

70. My dad has no real recollection of the arrest 'cause

71. he was somewhat inebriated.

72. So I'm hoping that we can get our hands on

73. the arrest report in San Antonio.

74. The people who run the Alamo

75. don't really seem too keen to have us there.

76. And my dad isn't too keen about us going there either.

77. Fingers crossed.

78. Let's see what happens but, um...

79. now it's time for me and my dad to boldly go

80. where no Osbourne has been before.

81. Hello? Ready to go to space?

82. Let's do it.

83. All right? Don't forget your bag.

84. Dad, don't forget your bag.

85. Oh. Is it far?

86. No. It's like five minutes down the street.

87. One thing I've learned about my dad is that

88. when he doesn't want to do something,

89. distract him with something he does.

90. Ooh. Look. NASA.

91. I want to ask. How do they shower in space?

92. 'Cause they can't go under running water.

93. Have they ever drunk alcohol in space?

94. Yeah. Are they allowed alcohol in space?

95. I don't want that to be my opening volley.

96. After we get familiar, I think maybe we should

97. ask that for sure.

98. Nice to meet you.

99. Jeannie Aquino: Nice to meet you officially.

100. I'm Jeannie. Thank you.

101. It's very nice to meet you.

102. I'm Ozzy. Pleased to meet you.

103. Welcome to Johnson's Space Center.

104. All right. Well, we're going to

105. head into mission control.

106. So we got some flight directors here.

107. Look. And he's got a cigarette.

108. Well, it was the 1960s and...

109. Yes, this is Neil Armstrong.

110. And this is, uh, one of the trainers that

111. he used for training to land on the moon.

112. It's probably like someone asking you

113. what bats taste like.

114. Is this the film set that they think the space walk...

115. No. We really did land on the moon.

116. Proof. I promise.

117. There are a lot of people.

118. But we really did land on the moon.

119. We're going to step in the doorway here.

120. Whoa.

121. So I'm going to take you back in time to 1969.

122. Wow.

123. Apollo 11 was controlled out of this room.

124. Apollo 13 was controlled out of this room.

125. Whoa. Really?

126. Jack Lousma: This is Houston. Say again, please.

127. Jim Lovell: Uh, Houston, we've had a problem.

128. We flew out of this room until 1992.

129. So even— Wow.

130. —the shuttle was controlled form this room.

131. Really?

132. Yes.

133. Wow.

134. That mission control, was the mission control

135. starting from Gemini all the way up to the

136. shuttle missions.

137. They must have updated it as it was going on.

138. Oh, yeah. They absolutely updated it.

139. It looked like something out of an old movie.

140. Yeah.

141. Well, this is an original computer?

142. These are... these are actually just the terminals.

143. The computer themselves,

144. the whole first floor of the building

145. was the mainframe computer.

146. We actually put a person on the moon with less

147. than 5K of memory.

148. They sent a man to the moon with a computer

149. that had less than five kilobytes of memory.

150. What's a kilobyte?

151. So it goes kilobyte. Megabyte. Gigabyte.

152. This is 128 gigabytes.

153. Yeah?

154. If I want to download a song,

155. that is like 3 megabytes.

156. The amount of information is, like,

157. less than like five seconds of music downloaded.

158. I've got no clue what you're talking about.

159. So let's head on down to see the space station.

160. This will give you some idea of how big the truss for

161. the International Space Station is 'cause this

162. would be a piece of the truss. So this is a joint.

163. But how would they get that up there?

164. It went in the space shuttle.

165. How big is it?

166. If you were to put it on an American football field—

167. Yeah?

168. —it would go from end zone to end zone,

169. sideline to sideline. Wow.

170. So it's a pretty good size.

171. Wow.

172. So the size of a football field.

173. Yeah.

174. We're going to go in this module.

175. Watch your head, Dad.

176. Watch your head. And watch your step.

177. I can help you. There's a big step right here.

178. I can help you...

179. me, man.

180. That's why we say 'Watch your head.'

181. Hello.

182. Shannon Walker: Hello. Hello.

183. So let me introduce Astronaut Shannon Walker.

184. Very nice to meet you. Jack.

185. Jack. Very nice to meet you.

186. So Shannon has flown on board the

187. International Space Station. She is an expert.

188. I bet it's an awesome feeling.

189. Oh, it is absolutely awesome. Yes.

190. I spent six months in 2010.

191. Um, I actually did round-trip with the Russians.

192. So I flew up and down in a Soyuz rocket.

193. Did you lose weight up there?

194. I did. I did. I lost about ten pounds.

195. Are you allowed alcohol up there?

196. No. Sadly.

197. But the Russians sneak it up.

198. Let's be honest. You can tell us.

199. I mean, really, it's a safety thing.

200. Because if you had an emergency and all of a sudden,

201. you had to pop into your space craft and come home,

202. you wouldn't want to be on...

203. Yeah, everyone... and everyone's, like..

204. 'Hey, let's go home.' No, that'd be bad. So.

205. I don't buy that for one second.

206. Are you telling me the Russians didn't sneak

207. a bit of vodka in there?

208. Some of the Russian happy juice?

209. No. No. Come on.

210. This is our workplace, man.

211. That's right. Yeah. Exactly.

212. Don't... don't bring it to work.

213. Exactly.

214. Six months is a long time.

215. Six months is a long time.

216. Is there a NASA protocol if something really

217. weird starts floating past? Are you kidding?

218. This day and age, we take a picture of it

219. and we can tweet it.

220. Yep.

221. So I'm sure that's what would happen first.

222. So Jack, earlier you were talking about space camp.

223. And you never had the opportunity to go.

224. They wouldn't let me go to space camp.

225. What is space camp?

226. Uh, space camp is basically like a kiddie

227. version of all this and...

228. Like prison?

229. Like... no.

230. As I've grown up, I'm like, wait a second.

231. You let me, like, come on Ozzfest for years.

232. But I couldn't go to Space Camp.

233. Like, 14.

234. That's last year.

235. So we'll follow you?

236. Yes. So I've got a minivan so y'all follow me.

237. Okay.

238. And we'll head on in to the mock-up facility.

239. If you had a chance to drive a rover,

240. would you like to?

241. Absolutely.

242. Okay.

243. I wasn't able to go to space camp as a kid.

244. But now all my teenaged nerdy dreams were

245. going to come true.

246. And I was taking my dad with me.

247. What? Holy crap.

248. Wow.

249. Wow.

250. That is unbelievable.

251. He's coming right for us.

252. Wow. We get to drive that?

253. Howdy. Lucien Jukin: What's up, guys?

254. Hello. Ozzy and Jack,

255. I'd like to introduce Lucien Junkin.

256. Hi, Ozzy. Pleased to meet you.

257. Hi. How's it going, Lucien?

258. Good to meet you, Jack.

259. Nice to meet you.

260. This is a space exploration vehicle.

261. Think of it as an off-roading RV for moon and Mars.

262. Basically what we're thinking is you land

263. two of them somewhere on the moon, or Mars.

264. And then you go out, take two of them,

265. and go explore.

266. And then go explore again.

267. And each one of these petals is about two weeks.

268. You got to put all of your food in there.

269. All of your... all of everything goes in there.

270. How much money does it cost to build?

271. It's about five million dollars to build one.

272. Whoa. Wow.

273. But hang on to your hat because it's going

274. to get a lot more expensive.

275. For all the testing, it goes from about

276. five million to about 500 million to a billion.

277. Wow. Really cool.

278. And now there's this five million dollar rover

279. that we're going to let you guys drive.

280. Was that cool or what though?

281. Awesome.

282. Watch your head, Dad.

283. Okay, are you right-handed

284. or left- handed, Ozzy?

285. Right-handed.

286. Uh, go to the right seat.

287. Okay. Let's train you real quick.

288. Push forward on the stick.

289. Okay. Pull back on the stick.

290. Let go of the stick.

291. And that's how you drive your car.

292. Ozzy, you ready?

293. Yeah.

294. Press straight forward on the stick.

295. Hey, Dad. What are you doing?

296. We're driving the future right now. All right?

297. There's a... there's a big... big crater right in front of us.

298. Go to your right a little, Ozzy.

299. Go to your right.

300. Whoa.

301. This is crazy.

302. I feel like it's going to fall over.

303. It is kind of scary though.

304. to topple over, you know?

305. You end up going the opposite way.

306. This is awesome.

307. This is unbelievable.

308. Now point up that hill. That big hill.

309. All right. You got to commit.

310. Don't be scared.

311. We're exploring Mars now.

312. For the betterment of humanity.

313. This is insane.

314. And then, Ozzy, if you stop right there

315. and twist a little to your right.

316. I mean, the maneuverability of

317. that was unbelievable.

318. Yeah. So cool.

319. And then, when you get pointed down

320. the hill, just drive it straight down the hill.

321. This is unbelievable.

322. How cool is this?

323. This is amazing.

324. Okay, can we switch for a minute, Ozzy?

325. Yeah.

326. Yeah, yeah. Cool.

327. I'm going to do some off-roading.

328. Just like playing video games.

329. Just a five million dollar video game.

330. Go wherever you want.

331. Okay.

332. Get those big two...

333. In the middle.

334. Those big rocks to your left.

335. Yeah.

336. I think we're clear for those big rocks.

337. Then I'll go forward a little bit more.

338. Go to your right a little.

339. Right a little.

340. Stop. Oh... Jack.

341. Did I break it?

342. Ah, give me a second.

343. Uh oh.

344. Jump out. I'll get it out.

345. Did I break a NASA vehicle?

346. This is the first time we got it stuck.

347. Well, I think I broke the future.

348. We've never done this.

349. Really?

350. I've never gone over... I've always put

351. up on that rock.

352. But we may have center on those rocks.

353. Well, it's a been a real world testing.

354. So my dad and I were at Johnson's Space Center

355. driving NASA's five million dollar prototype.

356. And I got it stuck.

357. This is the first time we got it stuck.

358. Really?

359. When you got that thing stuck.

360. It would have been awkward calling up my,

361. uh, car insurance and being like,

362. 'Hey, am I insured for a five million

363. dollar Mars rover?'

364. Oops.

365. I don't want you to leave here non-impressed.

366. We are impressed.

367. Believe me, I could leave here now and be like,

368. 'This is the coolest car I've ever driven.

369. Okay, I'm going to go to joint mode

370. on the suspension.

371. Okay, going to go all the way up.

372. That one's back down.

373. Yeah.

374. How was that, Jack?

375. Awesome.

376. I was in charge of research and development for

377. the hour we were driving it.

378. And I thought it was my job to push it to its limit.

379. Well, you didn't do my heart any good.

380. We had a great day today. Haven't we, Jack?

381. Oh. The best. Awesome.

382. Thank you very much.

383. Watch your head, Dad.

384. How was it?

385. Fantastic.

386. All right. We're going to head in this room over here.

387. These guys have some cool surprises for you.

388. Cool.

389. Would y'all mind, over at Orion,

390. maybe you could record a message that we could

391. send up to the crew on the station?

392. Yeah. Yeah.

393. I'd like to introduce you to some of our

394. suit guys and they brought some, uh,

395. things here for you to try on.

396. Dustin Gohmert: This is what, what we wore in

397. the shuttle, what we're going to wear in Orion.

398. The best way to describe it is a body-shaped balloon.

399. Okay.

400. So the whole function of the suit is,

401. if there's no air around you,

402. this is the last thing holding the

403. air so you can breathe inside of it.

404. And it's what's going to keep you alive in deep space.

405. It looks like a diving suit kind of.

406. It's, uh, very similar to a dry suit.

407. And the idea behind this suit is that if Orion had

408. a hole in it, with this suit, we're actually designing

409. it so they could live up to six days.

410. So think about that.

411. Living in this little balloon with your own...

412. processes going.

413. And oddly enough, the hardest challenge we

414. have with this whole suit is what to do with

415. six days worth of waste.

416. Yeah.

417. You would think going to Mars and all these

418. technical challenges,

419. what do you do with poop?

420. I found it interesting when they said,

421. humans could survive up to six days in that suit.

422. Well, that's what he said.

423. He said, like, the only problem would

424. be what do you do with all the poop?

425. We've actually set up a couple of suits for you guys.

426. And we'd like to give you the opportunity

427. to actually try them on.

428. Absolutely.

429. Check.

430. Check. Thank you.

431. Let's go into space, Jack.

432. Plug in the catheter.

433. This is awesome.

434. Wow.

435. I felt incredibly uncomfortable.

436. I thought, 'How the did I get

437. myself into this situation?'

438. You all right there, Dad?

439. Once we had our suits on,

440. it was time for us to record a message for our

441. fellow astronauts who were floating 249 miles

442. above us aboard the International Space Station.

443. All right, you ready? Go.

444. Having fun?

445. I feel like I'm in a straightjacket.

446. Hi, I'm Ozzy.

447. Hey, It's Jack. I just want to say congratulations.

448. Uh... let's do that again.

449. What for?

450. You ready? Go.

451. I'm Ozzy Osbourne.

452. And I'm Jack Osbourne. We just want to say,

453. congratulations on 15 awesomely successful

454. years of human habitation.

455. Yeah, congratulations, guys.

456. Yep, we're, uh... we're good to go.

457. So if you need anything...

458. Just let us know. We'll...

459. Just call us.

460. Yeah. We'll... we'll be right up.

461. Love to. See you later, guys.

462. Be safe.

463. God bless.

464. I need to get a picture for my Instagram.

465. We will take some pictures.

466. I'm free.

467. Are you ready to go to San Antone?

468. No.

469. Oh. We still got a couple of days left.

470. Can you hold your piss?

471. I know a good wall you can relieve yourself on.

472. It's 10 AM. We're here in Austin.

473. The capital of Texas.

474. We're here because I really want to get to the

475. bottom of what happened at the Alamo in 1982.

476. And to find out if my dad really did pee on it.

477. Hey, how's it going?

478. It's, uh... it's Jack Osbourne calling again.

479. Um, I still haven't heard back from anyone

480. so if someone could please call me back,

481. that'd be great.

482. Um, you guys have my number.

483. Look forward to hearing from you. Bye.

484. Since I'm not really getting anywhere with

485. the people from the Alamo directly,

486. I found a Texas state politician who might actually

487. be able to help us.

488. Hey, Eddie, it's Jack Osbourne. Yep. Yep.

489. Me and my dad are still planning on coming by.

490. Hopefully he will be able to grease some wheels for us.

491. That way, we can just slide on in to the Alamo.

492. Perfect. Okay. So me and my dad will

493. be over in a few hours.

494. To the state capital we go.

495. Howdy. What's going on?

496. Um, yes. What happened?

497. And I get to bed. And I turn these damn...

498. 'cause the fan was driving me nuts.

499. I get into bed and it started doing this.

500. No.

501. I swear on my Pearl's, on Pearl's...

502. You got in bed and the lights

503. started coming on and off?

504. No, no, no, no, no. Going up and down.

505. But the lights just kept going on... on and off.

506. I go, I get out of bed and I thought,

507. 'Have I turned them off properly?'

508. Did you, did you hear anything go, 'Get out'?

509. No. It was a really weird thing.

510. Weird.

511. I didn't know what's scarier to my dad...

512. ghosts or politicians.

513. Yeah. That's the capital.

514. And don't pee on the capital, all right.

515. I don't intend to.

516. My... my penis is staying where it is.

517. TMI, bro. TMI.

518. Beautiful building.

519. Amazing building.

520. It'd be pretty cool to be your office.

521. Look. It's a little Alamo monument.

522. Heroes of the Alamo. I... Wait... is there a picture?

523. I think I see a picture of you taking

524. a piss right there.

525. Oh.

526. Just play it cool. Remember, you're sorry.

527. They wouldn't ban me for, for as long as they

528. did if it was just nothing to worry about.

529. Texas loves you.

530. But The Alamo don't.

531. I thought they were going to jump on me.

532. All right. Onward. We're going in.

533. Eddie Rodriguez: Hi.

534. Hi, Eddie. How are you?

535. How are you? Nice to meet you.

536. Good to see you. Good to meet you.

537. And welcome to the state capital.

538. A lot of people around here.

539. Word got out that you guys were going to be here so...

540. It happens sometimes.

541. Maybe we can go to my office.

542. Does that... does that work out?

543. Okay. Sure. Yeah. Yeah.

544. Some people probably maybe want

545. to maybe say hi to you though.

546. These are people that work at the capital.

547. A lot of them.

548. Hello. Hi.

549. Hi, how are you? How are you?

550. Good to see you. It's a pleasure.

551. Well, this is a real treat, you know?

552. Ozzy, you were like the soundtrack

553. of my high school life.

554. It's just amazing... it's amazing to meet you.

555. Yep.

556. Yeah.

557. So what's next in San Antonio?

558. You're going to San Antonio?

559. Here's the thing.

560. What... what do you know about the story?

561. All I remember ever hearing was that you

562. urinated on the Alamo walls.

563. That's all I ever heard.

564. Supposedly...

565. It is a little, um, tumultuous.

566. My dad's relationship and that,

567. you know, historical site.

568. There's a history there.

569. But I want to know if you...

570. you possibly had any connections that could

571. maybe help us kind of make our, uh, presence,

572. I guess, well received, if... you know,

573. if that makes sense.

574. And then also one other thing,

575. we're trying to get the... my dad's police record

576. from when he got arrested to actually get the

577. real story about what happened.

578. Well, let me... let me see what I can do.

579. I can talk to my assistant and try to

580. get a friend of mine on the phone.

581. Eddie, thank you so much. It's very cool.

582. You're very welcome. It's my pleasure.

583. Thank you very much.

584. I'm glad you were able to come by.

585. Absolutely.

586. And come to... come visit us at the capital here.

587. You guys are going to grab some lunch or something?

588. Yeah, I think so. Do you know...

589. do you have any place you can recommend?

590. Yeah. Do you like hot dogs?

591. What?

592. Although Representative Rodriguez said he

593. was going to make some calls, we were still a little

594. unsettled that we hadn't gotten a definitive

595. 'yes' to return to the Alamo.

596. Starving, aren't I?

597. Get our Frank on.

598. Notorious P. I. G.

599. German currywurst.

600. I think it's pretty safe to say that we over-

601. ordered 'cause we were so hungry.

602. Well, and it's called hunger.

603. Ah.

604. This is the currywurst with the gluten free bread.

605. That's the Jackalope.

606. Here's a kangaroo sausage.

607. That's the Reuben fries.

608. Look at that.

609. And that's Notorious P. I. G.

610. Amy's coffee ice cream with candied bacon

611. and chocolate-covered bacon.

612. This is dangerous.

613. Dig in.

614. Did you... you, you knew that Phil Collins was a big,

615. like, Alamo expert.

616. Yeah, I know.

617. I find it both amazing and very comical that Phil Collins

618. of Su-Sussudio fame is the largest private

619. collector of Alamo memorabilia.

620. He had better stuff than that.

621. And he gave it back.

622. Yeah.

623. Well, he ended up writing a book.

624. It's a little like...

625. it's kind of a coffee table book.

626. It's got lots of pictures and, like, historical...

627. you know stories and this and that.

628. So I reached out to one of these professors

629. who worked on the book with Phil Collins.

630. I left a message for him.

631. Mmm.

632. And hopefully, we can hear from him either

633. tonight or tomorrow morning.

634. He's going to kind of be our guide and take us

635. around and show us about...

636. That's great.

637. The Alamo and things.

638. He's a really nice guy.

639. A really nice guy.

640. The journey continues through Texas.

641. I am taking my dad back to the scene of one of

642. his more, uh, infamous crimes.

643. Which was urinating up the Alamo.

644. And the fact that my dad peed on the Alamo is

645. very much rooted in, like, kind of Ozzy folklore.

646. And I want to figure out what really happened.

647. That being said, I need to go upstairs.

648. We need to get dad ready. We need to hit the road.

649. Morning.

650. Morning, Squire. How you doing?

651. Good. How are you doing?

652. I've got you some eggs.

653. Cool.

654. Be honest with me.

655. How do you actually feel about going back to the Alamo?

656. It really was a bad scene, Jack.

657. I know. But that was 30...

658. And so, listen, it's been an additional

659. 15 years from that point.

660. So, like, we're hoping...

661. But, you know, people have memories, you know?

662. We would be failing coming to

663. Texas and not doing this.

664. No, honestly.

665. What do you think is the worst that could happen?

666. Get shot. Killed. Beaten up.

667. No. I don't think so.

668. Dad. You don't realize this but you literally

669. pissed your way into American history books.

670. Apparently, when people go visit the Alamo,

671. they ask more questions about you than they

672. do about Davy Crockett.

673. You know what?

674. Phil Collins should be collecting samples

675. of your piss. Not Davy Crockett's sword.

676. So don't you think it would be worthwhile, like,

677. actually figuring out the whole story?

678. What if we find out you didn't actually

679. urinate up the Alamo?

680. Yeah, but they all think I do. You know?

681. It doesn't matter.

682. It said in the paper, 'Ozzy Osbourne

683. urinates on, on the Alamo.'

684. That was the headline.

685. There's one article here saying the night Ozzy

686. didn't pee on the Alamo.

687. Oh, I didn't do it then?

688. Well, this one article says you didn't do it.

689. According to this article, written in 1982,

690. the charges of public drunkenness after he

691. relieved himself on a column outside of the Alamo.

692. Okay. So this is saying you did it.

693. This is another article in Rolling Stone.

694. This says you urinated on the sidewalk across

695. the street from the Alamo.

696. He was also slapped with a decade-long ban

697. from the good city of San Antonio.

698. Luckily you're not banned from the city anymore.

699. I've got a bad feeling about this.

700. Come on. Let's hit the road.

701. I promise you, you'll have fun.

702. You'll have fun.

703. You can bury the hatchet.

704. In the back of my head.

705. Although I was still inching my dad

706. towards the Alamo, I hadn't made any more

707. progress with allowing us to visit.

708. And I hadn't even heard anything back from

709. Representative Eddie Rodriguez.

710. Hello?

711. Sharon Osbourne: Hi.

712. Hi. Hi.

713. How's it going?

714. It's going well.

715. You know, we're heading up to San Antonio.

716. We're going to go retrace the steps of the

717. Alamo urination incident.

718. I know you're probably sick of having to

719. answer this question but what actually

720. happened that day?

721. Of all things to wear to go to the Alamo,

722. why a dress?

723. So you decided, in order to go get drunk,

724. you'd wear her dress?

725. Yes.

726. Okay.

727. Don't worry. This, this is bullshit, really.

728. So are you positive he actually peed on the Alamo?

729. Okay.

730. All right.

731. See you later.

732. Speak to you later. Bye.

733. So we headed to San Antonio with my dad

734. fearing he might end up being

735. another Alamo casualty.

736. We have arrived.

737. I had searched on the Internet and found a place

738. where he could reflect on his own mortality.

739. Ta-da.

740. National Museum of Funeral History?

741. Are you joking?

742. The fact that you are POD, Prince of Darkness,

743. I think it's only appropriate that

744. I took you to the funeral museum.

745. Genevieve G. My name is Genevieve.

746. I'm the president of the museum. Pleasure to meet you.

747. Please to meet you. I'm Jack.

748. Jack. I'm Ozzy.

749. And of course, I know who you are, Ozzy.

750. I can give you a tour of the museum.

751. Absolutely. Yeah.

752. And tell you a little bit more about it.

753. For sure. Love to.

754. This here is our 1921 Rockfalls Hearse.

755. And believe it or not, it is all hand carved wood.

756. Wow.

757. Yes.

758. Whoa.

759. What's that? It looks like a...

760. This is actually a glass coffin.

761. It says it's from 1925.

762. Yes. You're exactly right.

763. Back in that time period, they were just using

764. whatever resources they could have...

765. Mm hmm.

766. available to them. And glass was a...

767. a readable resource. It's a very heavy piece.

768. You can't even open the lid.

769. Here in the 19 century mourning exhibit,

770. you're in a Victorian home. Funerals would take place

771. in the parlor portion of the home.

772. They were laid out in a wake.

773. And a wake lasted for three days.

774. So a body would...

775. Do you know why?

776. Just in case they woke up?

777. Yes. You're exactly right.

778. To prove that they were true, in fact,

779. dead and not going to wake up.

780. Wow.

781. And why do we do that? Do you remember?

782. Exactly. To keep people from being buried alive,

783. we devised an apparatus, if you will,

784. where a string was tied to the finger.

785. Run up through the earth. Yep, you're right.

786. And if they woke up and started to panic and

787. scratch on the... on the hood...

788. A bell would ring.

789. A bell would ring on top and then they

790. were saved by the bell.

791. Ah.

792. Is that where the term

793. 'saved by the bell' comes from?

794. That's exactly where the term 'saved by the

795. bell' from... came from. And the debt ringer.

796. And the graveyard shift.

797. Ah. Yes.

798. So you know KISS sells KISS caskets.

799. I think you guys should make

800. Sabbath and Ozzy caskets.

801. Do you...

802. Are you going to get buried or are

803. you going to get cremated?

804. I'm not going to get cremated.

805. I'm going to get buried.

806. This is true. Like this... Like...

807. Like this.

808. Well, we're going to pick your gravesite now.

809. We're going to find a nice cemetery in Texas...

810. We're actually going to bury you at the Alamo.

811. Look, it's a Texas cow.

812. What?

813. Texas cows.

814. Cows. Moo.

815. I'm just trying to see where the

816. I'm going, all right?

817. I'm... but that's how I see where we're going.

818. So unless someone takes over...

819. Okay. Okay.

820. Well, my dad and I had just gotten into a fight.

821. I could tell he was getting more and more

822. tense the closer we got to the Alamo.

823. Sorry for getting you shaken up.

824. Used to it.

825. What are you listening to?

826. Oh, God. You don't want to get on that, Dad.

827. off.

828. Hello?

829. Hey, how's it going?

830. I absolutely can.

831. One-ish? Okay.

832. Will do.

833. You think it's a trap?

834. They're going to get revenge.

835. We'll figure it out.

836. All right.

837. Dead man walking. Dead man walking.

838. Dead man walking. Dead man walking.

839. We had finally made it to San Antonio,

840. home of The Alamo.

841. Or as my dad felt, his possible final

842. resting place.

843. Dead man walking. You ready to go?

844. Yep.

845. Let's go do this. How are you feeling?

846. All right.

847. In the zone?

848. Yeah.

849. Okay.

850. This was it. Our big meeting with Councilman Treviño.

851. I had my fingers crossed that he had

852. my dad's arrest record and could be able to get

853. us the final okay to return to The Alamo.

854. Welcome.

855. How are you? Nice to meet you.

856. Great to meet you. Welcome to San Antonio.

857. Thank you.

858. I'm glad you're here.

859. All right, well, let's go inside.

860. We got some great things to show you.

861. Awesome.

862. Please. This way.

863. You know, I'd like to talk a little bit about our,

864. our history here in, in our city.

865. In 2018, we'll be 300 years old.

866. And it is because of the establishment

867. of the mission, uh, San Antonio de Valero—

868. It was a mission. That's correct.

869. Well, it, you know...

870. It ended up being a fortress. That's exactly right.

871. Although The Alamo was first established

872. as a mission, it was most well-known for the

873. heroic battle that took place there in 1836.

874. Where approximately 200 Texans including

875. Davy Crockett held off the entire Mexican army

876. for around 13 days.

877. Did we uncover some, uh, some history about, uh,

878. this gentleman right here?

879. Well, yes. As you know, this happened in 1982.

880. So it took some... it took a while to,

881. to get some of this information.

882. Let me grab that. It's over here actually.

883. Drumroll.

884. The first thing I want to say is that

885. we did find an outstanding warrant.

886. No, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

887. This is what we could find. And obviously, what

888. we can see here, it's got your... your name,

889. your full name. John Michael Osbourne.

890. They, they marked, uh, that you had some tattoos.

891. And occupation. They got that right.

892. Singer.

893. Uh, singer. There's a second part to this.

894. Let's see.

895. Okay, so here what's you were actually arrested for.

896. Believe it or not, it was for public intoxication.

897. So not for the other thing we know about.

898. Yeah.

899. So one of the most important parts about

900. history is setting the record straight.

901. Yeah.

902. Yeah. Yeah.

903. So we're happy to... to welcome you back

904. and you guys are always welcome here in San Antonio.

905. Thank you very much.

906. I hope I helped with some of this.

907. Thank you, ma'am.

908. Oh, you're quite welcome.

909. Thank you. I really appreciate it.

910. Oh, thank you.

911. So what'd you think about your arrest and that it

912. was public intoxication and not public urination?

913. Can I use your boys' room please?

914. Yeah. Absolutely.

915. Yeah. You definitely are using the restroom.

916. Yeah. Okay, well... Let's, let's get...

917. Let's get you going.

918. Our visit with Councilman Trevino

919. was a great success.

920. We were finally able to get the

921. real story of what happened at the Alamo.

922. San Antonio. Men's room.

923. And tomorrow, we were going to take that

924. final step and return to the scene of the crime.

925. Today is Alamo Day.

926. It's the day when my dad and I were

927. supposed to go and learn about the Alamo.

928. However, things took a slight strange turn,

929. uh, yesterday.

930. I was watching the evening news.

931. Local here.

932. And it was announced that me and my dad

933. were going to be at the Alamo today.

934. Everything we've done up to this point

935. has been really mellow.

936. It's been really one-on-one.

937. Um, and I've enjoyed that.

938. And now it's like,

939. 'Ugh, we've got to deal with, like, the spectacle

940. of it all again.

941. So I'm going to go breakfast with him right now.

942. And kind of fill him in on... on what's been going on.

943. Did you happen to see the news last night?

944. What?

945. Look at the bottom.

946. Oh. You have to be kidding me.

947. Oh.

948. The good people of the San Antonio City Council

949. decided to, uh, make a statement to the

950. press yesterday that we were coming to the Alamo.

951. It was on the news this morning.

952. And it's all over national press.

953. Oh, okay.

954. No, I mean...

955. Hey, no. I, I, I see what's going on here.

956. I think you are.

957. No. No. I think you like the story,

958. and I think you like the attention

959. Do you think it gives you a little

960. bit of street cred?

961. The whole point was we were going to go

962. down to the Alamo, meet up with Professor Hardin.

963. Hard-On?

964. Um... and Professor Hardin is going to kind of...

965. Hard-On? I mean, I'm in San Antonio

966. meeting a guy called Professor Hard-On.

967. I'm going to meet him...

968. Professor Hard-On. What a name.

969. Inappropriate. Inappropriate.

970. No. You told me...

971. His name is Hard... Hardin.

972. Like Arden but Hardin.

973. What did Professor Hardin do?

974. He did the book with Phil Collins.

975. All right. Let, let's go.

976. As soon as we had left the hotel, there were

977. quite a few autograph hunters waiting for us.

978. It had already started to get out of hand.

979. I can't do it right now, sir.

980. I can't do it right now. I can't.

981. I can't do it right now. No, I can't do it.

982. Nerves, probably.

983. I don't know what the we're doing this for.

984. We're meeting Dr. Hardin, um, here.

985. Oh. Good luck. It's going to be a

986. three-ring circus at this place.

987. It's okay.

988. Just wait... believe me for once.

989. It's just going to be a little nuts down there.

990. Let's just try and keep this, like, cool, calm...

991. We'll... we'll figure this out.

992. Ozzy! Ozzy! Ozzy!

993. Ozzy! Ozzy! Ozzy! Ozzy! Ozzy! Ozzy!

994. So what are we going to do now?

995. Wherever Dr. Hardin is. We're going to go.

996. We're going to walk...

997. This is going to be a ...

998. Well, let's just go. We'll walk.

999. We'll have a chat with Dr. Hardin. We'll go in.

1000. You didn't even wait for me to get out of the car.

1001. You were just gone.

1002. And I was like, 'Uh... now what?'

1003. I, I was like, 'Whoa.'

1004. Ozzy! Ozzy!

1005. Ozzy, can I get a picture?

1006. Ozzy! Ozzy!

1007. Get back. Get back. Get back.

1008. Can't do it. Can't do it. Can't do it.

1009. Hey. I'm, I'm with him...

1010. hey, it's my dad. Hey.

1011. Sorry, Jack.

1012. All right. Where's Dr. Hardin?

1013. Ozzy! Ozzy! Ozzy!

1014. All right.

1015. Listen. We appreciate you all being here.

1016. We really do. And it's awesome. We love this. All right?

1017. We love... we love a San Antonio welcome, all right?

1018. All right, so listen.

1019. Listen, we all want to have fun. All right.

1020. So if everyone could take ten steps back,

1021. that would be awesome.

1022. You handled it very well.

1023. I totally could have got you...

1024. stopped you from getting arrested.

1025. I'd be like, 'Whoa, whoa, whoa.

1026. We all want to have fun here, right?'

1027. Hey. Dr. Hardin.

1028. Jack. Stephen Hardin.

1029. How are you? Ozzy.

1030. Nice to meet you, Steve.

1031. Now that you're here, now is this...

1032. is this your first time to The Alamo?

1033. This is my first time.

1034. Not mine. Not his.

1035. You've been here before?

1036. Oh, yeah.

1037. Oh, sure.

1038. Well, we were planning a, uh, a walk around

1039. the Alamo compound but I'm...

1040. I'm told that that's pretty much out.

1041. Yeah.

1042. So you want to go inside the shop?

1043. Yeah. I think they're just going to make

1044. a path and then we're going to start...

1045. Ozzy!

1046. And then it happened.

1047. We walked off into the sunset and into The Alamo.

1048. Our mission here in Texas was complete.

1049. Yee haw.

1050. That, I must say, was one of the more

1051. interesting historical experiences I've ever had.

1052. There was much less people inside.

1053. It was much cooler.

1054. And there were some actually kind of cool

1055. artifacts hanging around.

1056. They had Davy Crockett's wallet.

1057. I'm like, 'How the heck would they know that

1058. that was Davy Crockett's wallet?'

1059. It probably said 'Davy Crockett' inside.

1060. I did get one photo of Dad.

1061. Why?

1062. 'Cause they wouldn't even let me take pictures.

1063. There we go.

1064. There's the one photo proof that you entered The Alamo.

1065. What have I been saying from day one?

1066. What have I been saying?

1067. You said it was going to turn into a show.

1068. And what happened?

1069. It turned into a show.

1070. We did it. Mark it off the bucket list.

1071. Okay.

1072. High five.

1073. So... am I right?

1074. You are right.

1075. Thank you. Oh. Thank you.