Norm Macdonald Live 3x7

1. - And we're back with Sarah Silverman.

2. - I was gonna ask—

3. Sarah!

4. We have a studio audience.

5. Only the second time we've ever had a studio audience.

6. Everyone's so excited to see you today.

7. But I was going to ask you about

8. the phenomena of women in comedy,

9. which is burgeoning to the point of superfluity.

10. which is burgeoning to the point of superfluity.

11. But you were around.

12. Do you every thing of the timing of that?

13. Here you're probably—

14. - Do you know what I think about—

15. Yeah, sorry. Go on.

16. - No no, I was gonna ask that the people that now exist

17. in female comedy and control it, probably,

18. you were their hero at some point in their lives.

19. - I would love that if—

20. - Oh, sure, sure. - Yeah, sure. I'll take it.

21. - Don't you think that's true?

22. There was no one else, I don't think, around your time.

23. - There's always, well.

24. When I started out, the kinda company line,

25. that I fully accepted, and it's crazy looking back, was,

26. they would say to you, you're only a real comic

27. if your material could be said by a male comedian.

28. - Oh boy, that's, really? - And then it would be,

29. and it would be just as funny.

30. And I accepted it, I mean, they'd say,

31. like, Paula Poundstone, she's a real comedian

32. because her material could be said by a man,

33. and I don't know how, I don't know how,

34. but I accepted that and that made sense to me.

35. And looking back, it's just so crazy that the idea

36. of me talking about my own experience as a woman

37. would make me not a valid comedian.

38. And the thought behind it was, how it was explained is,

39. women in the audience are only there on dates,

40. and they're only gonna laugh if the guy laughs.

41. - Wow!

42. - So it was a really different world.

43. - I would think it would be opposite, flipped,

44. that the guy wants to get laid.

45. You know what I mean? - This is what we were told.

46. - But nowadays, doesn't it make sense,

47. if you're on a date, who do you want to see?

48. A woman, you know what I mean?

49. 'Cause the woman wants to see a woman,

50. and the guy wants to get laid.

51. You know what I mean?

52. - But talking about the female experience was just not cool,

53. and I would buy into it. - But what about nowadays?

54. Movies, you know, there's all-women movies,

55. and then you watch it, and it's all gross-out humor,

56. and I go, wait a minute.

57. I think they're doing a guys comedy.

58. - Well, I think there's gonna be

59. a feeling-your-way-through element.

60. I mean, like, Bridesmaids to me is a perfect movie.

61. - Yeah, it's hilarious. - It's so funny, you know?

62. - But, yeah, there is an element of like,

63. why don't we just do the guys version,

64. I mean, the female version of this,

65. and I don't think that's necessary.

66. It's like basketball, you know?

67. Guys get to try everything and fail and keep going,

68. and it took me a long time of playing basketball

69. my whole life with guys.

70. At first you're so serious on the court,

71. and every basket you miss

72. and every basket you miss

73. is like missing a hundred baskets,

74. and you feel the guys around you go

75. but it's in my mind.

76. I don't know if that was necessarily true,

77. or maybe it was true, but it doesn't matter,

78. and once I realized like, wait a minute,

79. every single one of these guys are shooting and missing

80. and I don't even think twice about it, and neither do they.

81. It's like they don't have that pressure in their lives,

82. and until you keep shooting and shooting and shooting,

83. you don't get great, you know?

84. And once I realized that, and much later in life,

85. I got great at basketball, you know?

86. But it is true.

87. Women have to make sure that

88. they give themselves leeway to fail.

89. Listen, show business is cut-throat,

90. and you can only fail so many times, but I found

91. I can fail several times, and I'm still around.

92. - We play basketball on Sundays,

93. and I stopped this practice but I think he started it,

94. men would get two points for a field goal

95. and women would get 1.4.

96. - You're so cute, field goal.

97. - Isn't that what it's called?

98. - No.

99. - What's an FG?

100. - That's football.

101. - No no.

102. - A field goal's in football.

103. - And basketball.

104. - A field goal is in basketball?

105. You mean a foul shot? - No no.

106. - That's a free throw. - A two-point shot.

107. No no no, no no no. - Oh, a free throw?

108. - And there's a field goal. - Yeah.

109. - In basketball?

110. - Yeah, it's worth two points. - I'll look it up.

111. - We'll edit it out.

112. - You ever see FG and then a percentage number,

113. like field goal percentages made by the team?

114. - Well first of all, every point in professional basketball

115. is two points, every basket. - A free throw is one.

116. - A free throw is one, right.

117. - And some field goals are three.

118. - He's right, you're right.

119. There is a field goal in basketball.

120. - I've never heard of that. - It's not used a lot.

121. It's really not used often. - That's so interesting.

122. - It's not used often, but. - Field goal.

123. Look at you and your deep cuts.

124. - It's cool to learn stuff.

125. - Well, I always played at the Y,

126. and then my senior year of high school—

127. - God, don't you love the Y?

128. - I love the Y. - Me too.

129. - Are you talking about eating pussy?

130. - I thought about it, 'cause I thought he was gonna say it.

131. Without any irony, I thought he was gonna jump in.

132. "I used to eat out there."

133. That's what he would do to me, yeah.

134. - Adam, do you love pussy?

135. - I do. - Do you have a girlfriend?

136. - Yeah, she's great. - Oh.

137. - You know what a girl told me?

138. What's the name of that—

139. - I love guys that date like lawyers

140. and then go, "She's a great girl."

141. Yeah, is she a great girl? - A girl, you mean?

142. - Yeah, I don't know, it's just so weird.

143. - This is what I find weird.

144. What about when a guy's going out with a girl,

145. I don't know if you see this,

146. maybe girls are the same, but you'll say to a guy,

147. "What happened, you're not going out with her?"

148. "She was crazy!" and they just accept it.

149. - Well, it's like when somebody goes like,

150. "I've had 10 roommates and they've all been crazy."

151. Hmm, I think you're the cra—

152. Do you think maybe there's a pattern there?

153. So like, those guys you always go out with,

154. "Women are crazy," you go, well,

155. you're the common denominator. - Exactly.

156. - Not all women are crazy.

157. Women you're drawn to are crazy, and you're fucking crazy.

158. - One time I met a girl and she said,

159. she said, "I just broke up with my boyfriend.

160. "Man, he used to treat me like shit, story of my life."

161. What do you think I'm gonna do?

162. But who, and this is just interesting to me,

163. how dynamite quick the women's movement in comedy changed.

164. - Comedy is always changing.

165. It doesn't stay evergreen, so I mean,

166. unless you change with the times,

167. you're gonna be a caricature of yourself, I would say.

168. - Yeah, standup in particular.

169. - Warhol said become a cartoon of yourself,

170. you know, as a sure way,

171. not of artistic merit, but of success.

172. So, it was the idea of Truman Capote or something,

173. who would keep doing himself more and more

174. until it was full-blown burlesque,

175. but it made him famous.

176. - Yeah, I mean, there are certain people that,

177. especially a lot of comics from the '80s,

178. that are really defined characters,

179. but then they're beholden to these characters,

180. and they don't take any risks and they don't change,

181. they don't grow or do different shit.

182. - Well, we're talking about Dice, I imagine.

183. - Well, Dice is a great example.

184. - Yeah, when you meet him, it's odd.

185. Then he has his children with him.

186. - He's got the whole thing and it's like,

187. he's fuckin' brilliant, he's a great actor,

188. but like he does this thing and I,

189. I don't wanna, I mean, he's so nice and I really like him,

190. but I feel like if he were able to be vulnerable

191. and try new things and see who he is and let that change,

192. it entails letting audiences down and that's a scary thing,

193. but I think that it could be really exciting,

194. because I find him totally watchable, totally fascinating,

195. there's anything he could do, you know,

196. but he kind of, it's almost like he let his character

197. become his life, become his life person.

198. - It seems like he did.

199. I don't know how he deals with his family,

200. but I've seen him with his kids

201. and he's completely in character.

202. - But he seems lovely. - No, he does, he does.

203. - But, yeah, I just think—

204. - I remember Colin Quinn telling him

205. I think it was at the Cellar,

206. and he was very prickly and defensive, Dice,

207. but Colin's idea was for him to change his routine

208. by becoming super intellectual, so he'd go,

209. I can't do an impression of him, I wish I could,

210. but, "I saw the new Jean-Luc Godard picture, yo!"

211. You know?

212. "I was reading an article," I don't know how to do him.

213. - Yeah, but honestly, - But he got mad.

214. - I think that was what was great about him, was there is,

215. there's something smart in that contrast.

216. It's not just, so it is, I don't know.

217. I mean, I remember, Louis CK,

218. he had an apartment on Bleecker,

219. and he had a record player and he got the Dice record,

220. and we listened to it— - The first?

221. - Yeah, and I was just like, my mind was blown.

222. I loved it. - It was incredible, yeah.

223. It was so fuckin' incredible.

224. I had only started standup, and,

225. Sam Kinison had come to Canada and he liked me,

226. and then Dice I think appeared,

227. I don't know who, which appeared first,

228. but goddamn, Kinison hated him, you know.

229. 'Cause Kinison was so smart.

230. He didn't see that they were the same act,

231. like everyone, like a writer would,

232. magazine writer would equate those two.

233. - Right, I gotta yell or whatever.

234. - Yeah, so that I think is what frustrated him most,

235. but he called him, he goes, "He's a stag act."

236. - Oh, like a strip club thing?

237. - For a stag film.

238. - Bachelor parties? - Yeah, bachelor parties.

239. - I never heard that name.

240. - Like if the vulnerability behind that

241. like uber masculinity would be so interesting to watch.

242. - Well, you know he can do it 'cause he's a great actor.

243. Like, he was great in that Woody Allen picture.

244. - He was great in like, there was some like Mary Gross,

245. Victoria Jackson movie that he was in,

246. and he was fuckin' great in it.

247. - Yeah, Casual Sex, he was good in that.

248. - And there was a movie called Crime Story,

249. I think it was even before he was famous,

250. and it was him against Ray Liotta.

251. It was about Vegas, you know, and he was the bad guy.

252. I'm sorry, Ray Liotta was the bad guy,

253. and the Chicago cop turned actor that was in—

254. - Dennis Farina.

255. - Dennis Farina was the good guy.

256. - I love Dennis Farina. - Yeah, isn't he cool?

257. He's masculine. - Yeah.

258. - It's hard to find masculine guys anymore.

259. You have to go overseas to Wales.

260. - You just said that in such a masculine way

261. with that like burp-swallow.

262. - But, you know, Russell Crow or your beau from Wales.

263. Maybe the Europeans are more—

264. - Well, my boyfriend, or whatever,

265. my on-again, off-again lover,

266. he would like have to go home,

267. they would tie their cleats to their hands,

268. so you fight your way home.

269. - Jesus.

270. - Like rugby or something like that?

271. - Like they all had cleats 'cause they all played futbol.

272. - So they just punch, try to drive over the other guy.

273. - They'd play other teams, other towns,

274. and then they'd have to literally fist-fight their way home,

275. and they'd tie their cleats to their hands to use to punch.

276. - Goddamn. - Holy shit.

277. - That's a man. - Swoon.

278. - That's a man. - I know.

279. - When did you become a political activist,

280. 'cause I only remember you this election,

281. but was it before also?

282. - Well, I'm from New Hampshire, so all the candidates

283. always would come through our little town.

284. So everyone in New Hampshire is pretty,

285. and my parents have always been

286. involved citizens politically,

287. and my mom's jewelry box was filled with political pins,

288. and she was a photographer—

289. Are you doing this 'cause I need to do that?

290. That's my biggest fear in life.

291. - No, trust me. - No.

292. - She was a photographer for the McGovern campaign.

293. - Who was his vice presidential candidate?

294. - Shriver.

295. - Did he have to leave because he cried?

296. Oh, it was Sargent Shriver,

297. but I think it was Lawrence Eagleton—

298. - Muskie.

299. - Ed Muskie? - I've got Muskie pins.

300. - No, Muskie was the one that Hunter S Thompson

301. wrote the thing about he was on drugs,

302. but I think it was Eagleton that actually cried,

303. but I don't know, I can't remember.

304. - Who's the one that admitted he went to a therapist?

305. - Yeah, that was Eagleton, I believe.

306. Can you believe that? - God.

307. - Isn't that strange?

308. - Well, what you were saying about

309. how does perception change,

310. do we really change perception over time,

311. think about how we've changed perception over time.

312. - So much in the last, but even more so

313. in such a short span. - We've done it like crazy.

314. - Here's something that still doesn't seem weird

315. to people's ears that seems weird to my ears,

316. you never hear anyone talk about a working father.

317. Oh, he's a working father?

318. How do you do it, you're a working father?

319. - Right. - Ah, that's interesting.

320. But don't you think it's coming at us though on such,

321. like it's almost like, because it takes a long time

322. for people to change perceptions that they've been

323. born with, bred with, raised with—

324. - Unless they just have an awakening.

325. - Yeah, unless they have an awakening.

326. But, it's kind of weird that people have awakenings

327. all at the same exact moment in time.

328. For instance with gay marriage.

329. You know, that Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama

330. suddenly are for gay marriage the same date practically.

331. - Well, I feel like Joe Biden came out and goes,

332. like there should be gay marriage, that's crazy,

333. and then I think it forced Obama's hand,

334. and I'm glad it did, but I mean,

335. to me, when Obama came out it was great,

336. but I just thought, that's how long it took?

337. I mean, I can't even fucking believe it.

338. - And then just say, ah, it was just political expedience.

339. Like why pretend?

340. It's like, I evolved, that doesn't even make sense.

341. - If Trump gives us anything I hope it's just

342. the being and base and truthful,

343. I mean, not that he is that, but just like,

344. there's a flatness to him, I mean, I believe he's a monster.

345. I'd have tons of empathy for him if I didn't think he was

346. truly hurting people's lives at an incredible rate.

347. But he's bananas. - But maliciously?

348. But do you think it's maliciously?

349. - I have no idea. - Or thoughtlessly?

350. - I think he could be senile.

351. I think he could be dementia.

352. I mean, it's a bunch of things.

353. He's also just a fucking thug.

354. He's a mob boss.

355. He's literally in construction.

356. We hired a mob boss.

357. His best friend, the people he looks up to are dictators.

358. - Did you see that video of him pushing the guy from NATO

359. out of the way to get in front of the camera?

360. It was hilarious.

361. - It's fascinating, but it's also just, I think, anyway.

362. - You know, with the resistance, right?

363. Do you find it odd that the resistance is now,

364. and we've had a war for 16 years,

365. and there was never a protest anywhere,

366. and you know, children were dying,

367. and now we have a resistance because

368. the president is a boorish thug.

369. - 'Cause it wasn't on our turf,

370. and people don't react to things

371. that aren't in front of their faces,

372. and also social media changed everything.

373. I mean, look, I'm embarrassed to say,

374. just less than two years ago probably,

375. I was like, fuck, there's a real epidemic of

376. cops murdering innocent, unarmed black kids,

377. and then it took me a couple of minutes to go,

378. oh my god, this is how it's always been.

379. I just know this now from social media.

380. - Especially, I mean, yeah, now—

381. - That was a big awakening,

382. an embarrassing awakening for me.

383. Or even just watching movies, like

384. When Harry Met Sally was on, I go,

385. holy shit, this is so fucking white.

386. You know, you really notice it,

387. and that's good that we're noticing it,

388. but I never noticed it before, I'm ashamed to say,

389. but that's the truth, you know?

390. Or like gay, I used to say that's so gay.

391. We all did, that's so fucking gay.

392. And if someone said something I'd go,

393. no no no, I'm from Boston, I have gay friends,

394. I just, I mean it like lame.

395. And then I heard myself one day and I realized

396. I was the guy who goes, no, I say colored,

397. I have colored friends, it's not big deal, right?

398. And it's just like, is it so hard for me, a comedian,

399. a person of words, to change my language with the times?

400. It took me half a day to come up with other things.

401. - I don't know how much you hang out with comedians.

402. - Well, my best friends are comedians.

403. - But they're probably mostly guys, right,

404. because when you started out,

405. the women were not as everywhere as they are now.

406. - Yeah, but I live now, and it's like,

407. I have a lot of younger friends that call me Ma,

408. and people go, oh, she doesn't have daughters,

409. she doesn't have kids, it's so sad,

410. but I go, I do have kids, I feel just,

411. I plotz just as much, I feel like

412. when Brian has a show, or— - Jesus, you look younger—

413. - Well, I mean, he's 30-something,

414. but they still call me Ma, I go like,

415. I couldn't really be your ma, you fuck.

416. - You're much younger looking than most of those people.

417. - Mostly because I didn't get my period till I was 18.

418. - That's late.

419. - Yeah, I didn't mean to pull this to a whole other thing.

420. - Wow.

421. That's wild.

422. - But, yeah, I mean,

423. I feel so proud and excited about so many young comedians

424. that I just love and watch just blossom.

425. - Do you find the new breed of comedian,

426. maybe you were the first of this breed,

427. that are more as you say, you know,

428. they want each other to succeed, and—

429. - Supportive. - Supportive of each other.

430. And this comes from making shows and having—

431. - There's so many outlets, there's so many things,

432. that if you can dream it, you can do it.

433. I mean, it's not like, "I can't afford a camera."

434. - If someone gets something, it really helps everyone.

435. You know what I mean, like,

436. like Chris getting this incredible deal at Netflix,

437. this will help all of standup comedy.

438. Nobody else will get the $20 million, but,

439. it'll raise everybody, just like Tiger

440. raised everybody's money in golf.

441. - Oh, wow.

442. - I think it should, you know?

443. But when I started, people hated each other's guts.

444. I mean, there was no support from standups.

445. - Your friends weren't comics, all comics?

446. - They were, but they were your enemies also.

447. 'Cause there was so few things you can do.

448. - There are only so many white guy,

449. slots for white guy comedians,

450. even though they were all of them, all the slots.

451. Still, I'm sure competitive for you guys.

452. - But you couldn't be,

453. but then you had to try to be different though.

454. - Right, I remember Al Lubel.

455. Al Lubel was so funny, I mean to me, just the funniest,

456. and he kept trying to get a manager, an agent,

457. and some manager came to see him,

458. and they go, well, I already have,

459. who's the guy who hosted Comic Strip Live?

460. - John Mulrooney? - Gabe, Gabe—

461. - Oh, that guy. - No no no.

462. Oh, yeah, now I remember, he talked like Leno.

463. "Hi, how are ya?"

464. - Fuck, anyway, he just was— - Wayne Cotter?

465. - Wayne Cotter, he goes,

466. she goes, "Oh, I already have Wayne Cotter,

467. "and he's got brown curly hair."

468. If that's what you see in Al Lubel

469. is that he has brown curly hair.

470. - That guy should not be a manager.

471. - I'm on an airplane and Wayne Cotter's there,

472. and this was before I was on Saturday Night Live,

473. but I'm sitting across from him and his wife,

474. and he at the time was hosting Comic Strip Live,

475. which ran Saturday from 11:00 till midnight on Fox,

476. so I'm talking to him and the night before,

477. we were flying on a Sunday,

478. Chris Farley had done that Chippendale sketch.

479. So I was like, "My god.

480. "Did you see Saturday Night Live, this Chris Farley kid?

481. "It was the funniest sketch I've ever seen."

482. And he gets up, goes to the bathroom,

483. you know, in a huff, I'm like what?

484. Then his wife's like, "That's the competition."

485. 'Cause he was emceeing Comic Strip Live,

486. 'Cause he was emceeing Comic Strip Live.

487. So he considered Saturday Night Live to be his competition.

488. Although, I remember once Lorne telling me,

489. he said, "We're only beat in LA."

490. Like in every city, Saturday Night Live would win,

491. but in LA, they lost to— - Oh, can I guess?

492. Something with Byron Allen?

493. - No, Pollos Comicos or something like that.

494. - Oh, that's chicken comics. - It was Spanish.

495. - Yeah, what the— - Oh, yeah, you're right.

496. What's crazy? - Camara Infraganti.

497. - What's crazy? - Was it Camara Infraganti?

498. - I don't know what that means.

499. - It means,

500. it was like their Candid Camera,

501. but like people died and got really hurt.

502. Mike Reynolds was obsessed with it.

503. - Mike Reynolds?

504. I just worked with Mike Reynolds.

505. - In Vegas? - Yeah, yeah.

506. - He hangs out with Teddy—

507. - Not Bergeron.

508. - Teddy Bergeron.

509. They both came to my show and Teddy Bergeron,

510. he gave me his tape of his first Tonight Show.

511. - He still has that tape?

512. Yeah, the cassette tape. - Yeah, it was a CD.

513. I watched it, DVD. - Yeah, yeah.

514. He kills, right? - Yeah.

515. - Teddy had one of the best— - I watched it that night.

516. - One of the best jokes, he said, you know,

517. football players are so tough, you know,

518. they'll play with a broken leg, but the baseball players,

519. were over here, at the start of the season,

520. it's always Joe Garagiola and Tony Kubek.

521. Tony's like, well, as you can see,

522. the Pirates will be playing without the services

523. of Ozzie Guillen, as you may remember the last Halloween,

524. Ozzie was frightened by a child.

525. Then Garagiola goes, oh, well,

526. those kids can scare the hell outta ya.

527. But he had some real personal stuff in his act.

528. Like his father would go, "Here's your present, open it."

529. Or something like that, like real tough, gritty, you know.

530. - I don't know Teddy. - Tough life.

531. I don't know if he, did he come out here?

532. - No, he was before my time too,

533. I just know him from legend. - Before everybody, yeah.

534. He was a Boston guy, very early.

535. He might be in one of those Boston,

536. they had those Boston documentaries—

537. - He has like a real Boston accent

538. that almost sounds Celtic, you know?

539. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

540. You must have known Boston comics from New York, right?

541. Was there a rivalry or anything?

542. - No, but I remember a bunch of Boston comics,

543. and I started in Boston, but just for a second.

544. I really am from, I moved to New York when I was 18,

545. and Boston comics came and we all went out to a diner after,

546. and the Boston comics said it's so funny because

547. in New York, everybody gives a little more than they owe,

548. and in Boston, everyone gives a little less than they owe.

549. - Who were the Boston comics at that time, the big guys?

550. - Well, probably Anthony—

551. - Oh, Anthony Clark?

552. - Well, no, yeah, but, no, I didn't mean Anthony Clark.

553. I meant, oh my god, Boston Common.

554. - Anthony?

555. - That was Anthony Clark, I think.

556. - Oh, yeah, Anthony Clark.

557. Oh, what was I thinking of?

558. - I was thinking of tough old guys.

559. Huh?

560. - No, no, right, Jimmy Tingle.

561. - Yeah, Jimmy Tingle.

562. - And, oh, Louis CK's got a great story about Don Gavin.

563. I only ever heard about Don Gavin, he's before my time.

564. - Me too. - But I always here, Don,

565. everyone worshiped this Boston comic, Don Gavin.

566. And Louis's like 17, and I hope it's okay that

567. I tell this story, but I think he would be fine with it,

568. and he's like 17 and he gets to open for Don Gavin,

569. 'cause he has a car and he drives him to the gig,

570. you know, that was how you would get gigs.

571. So they're driving, they're on the highway,

572. Don Gavin's got all this, tons of McDonald's,

573. he's just pounding all these quarter-pounders,

574. soda, all this shit, then they're on the highway,

575. he just rolls down the window,

576. throws all the trash out the window,

577. and Louis's like this, you know,

578. and Don just looks at him and goes, "Eh, I'm a litterbug."

579. - That's so funny because,

580. you know, that was a standup thing to do.

581. - Everyone littered. - When I was—

582. When you were young, yeah.

583. - But even then, that's crazy.

584. You just throw all your trash.

585. - Just throw all of it?

586. - It's insane to even think of littering now.

587. - Yeah, I know. - I know.

588. - Speaking of— - Again, bubble.

589. I don't know about the— - Oh, look at that.

590. Something you changed and got used to.

591. - What? - That's right.

592. - That littering feels weird and it used to not.

593. - Absolutely, I remember when I was a kid,

594. I would see shows from like the '60s,

595. like Leave it to Beaver or something like that,

596. and then you go, fuckin' everybody was different.

597. Like everybody was completely different than me, you know?

598. But then you read a book from 300 years ago or something,

599. and you go, oh, these guys are just like me.

600. You know, 'cause they'd be honest in the book,

601. but back in the '60s, they'd just make up

602. a parallel universe, like how does anybody—

603. - This like facade of what life is supposed to be

604. that's such a total lie.

605. - How can anyone relate to that?

606. At the time, like wouldn't everybody go, what?

607. - Well, that's like when America was great again,

608. but it was just a big fat racist lie,

609. a like whitewashing of—

610. - I didn't live through it, so a lot of time,

611. when I watch that show, I just assume that's what,

612. I mean, obviously, I know the bigger picture that

613. there was just unbridled racism and all this other shit—

614. - You go, that must've been before black people existed.

615. - My dad told me that the gays started in the '50s.

616. That's what he believed. - Jesus.

617. - That's what he thought,

618. 'cause it's the first time he encountered one.

619. - Did he remember Roman times, or?

620. - Well, he was just uneducated.

621. - Yeah, I guess so.

622. - It's like that idea that your own perspective

623. is all that exists, and in a way it isn't that dumb,

624. but in a way it kind of is true.

625. I mean, we could just be brains in jars, I don't know.

626. - Right, but you can get it from reading and stuff.

627. You don't have to experience, you know?

628. - Are you undoing your fly?

629. - Yeah, what's happening right now?

630. - Oh, no, it's my coat. - Oh, okay.

631. - Getting hot, you know.

632. Look at sweet little Mary.

633. Look at her snaggletooth.

634. - Oh, Mary, you're only just perfect.

635. - Well, we're gonna come back, and then we're gonna do

636. jokes that we wrote down on the blue cards.

637. - Yeah, sounds good. - Really?

638. - Yeah, man.

639. You don't have to think up jokes on this show.

640. - Oh, that's fun.

641. - We're back with Sarah Silverman

642. and my trusty sidekick, Adam Eget.

643. Adam, why don't you tell the folks who you are?

644. - What?

645. - Like what you do.

646. - I am Adam Eget. - What do you do?

647. - I book the Comedy Store.

648. - And why are you here?

649. - I have no idea. - Okay.

650. Time to do some jokes.

651. Have you told Sarah about doing the jokes?

652. - Yeah, we were just discussing it.

653. - No, what is it?

654. You just said we were gonna do jokes.

655. - We have these jokes.

656. And then I try to give you the best ones.

657. - Oh, like we're gonna read jokes.

658. - Yeah, all of us, it's fun.

659. - We'll show you how to do it.

660. - Are they old-timey jokes?

661. Are they classics?

662. - No, they're all written by guys in this room.

663. But don't let that, okay, go ahead.

664. - Where's my tree? - This actually happened.

665. Oh, do you know, I asked Chris Elliot about the tree thing?

666. - Oh, yeah, what happened? - He made it up.

667. - No. - What?

668. - Chris Elliot would go which tree is mine,

669. so we say it sometimes.

670. I thought it was an old-time thing.

671. - It must be like a showbiz term, yeah.

672. - That's so great. - He just made it up.

673. Okay, go ahead.

674. - I'm a gifted but self-taught composer and my masterpiece

675. is Toccata in Fugue in what I think is D minor.

676. - Oh, that kind of—

677. - I don't understand.

678. - He said it so fast.

679. - I did say it fast and I think some of the words—

680. - Now, this is ripped right from today's headline.

681. Did you know that Ringling Brothers

682. Barnum & Bailey Circus closed today?

683. Well, there's a joke already written.

684. - And do I read it? - Yeah, yeah.

685. To the camera or to Adam.

686. - After 146 years, Ringling Brothers has

687. after 146 years, Ringling Brothers has shut down.

688. Sad news for circus fans, but great news

689. for employers looking to snap up guys

690. who know how to beat elephants with steal rods.

691. - Oh, lord, god.

692. - I suddenly tried to do it like

693. you would do it on the news at SNL.

694. Steal rods.

695. - I wonder if that really happens?

696. I'm sure it happens.

697. I'm sure that must happen.

698. White girls— - Second worst job:

699. assistant crack whore.

700. - I said crack whore four times, and then it's like,

701. anyway, white girls who wear big hoop earrings

702. may be guilty of quote, cultural appropriation,

703. and they risk getting a curse put on them

704. by peeved gypsy fortune tellers.

705. - What's the joke part, that's the set up.

706. - Here's a hidden insult, gyp, that people don't know.

707. - Oh, gypsy, gyp, yeah.

708. - That slipped through the cracks.

709. - Gypsy, yeah.

710. - That's okay, people don't know.

711. - I know.

712. - Well, once you know, you gotta stop using it.

713. - No, I find it offensive, I'm Jewish.

714. - Well, you're not a gypsy.

715. What the fuck are you talking about?

716. - Well, Jews aren't gypsies,

717. but in that way that they're—

718. - That they were both victims of the—

719. - To get gypped?

720. - Yeah. - Yeah, gypped.

721. Get jewed down, get gypped. - Yeah, jewed down.

722. - But jewed you know.

723. Gypped you just learned.

724. - Jews are nomads or whatever, like gypsies.

725. - Right.

726. - Not by choice.

727. - So a woman from Denmark, I'm at her party,

728. was telling me how awful she thinks Trump is,

729. so I shot back, "yeah, well,

730. "you guys have that asshole Hans Christian Andersen."

731. - That's funny.

732. - It's just my patriotism.

733. She wanted old-timey, you can read the old-timey one.

734. - A tip for anyone about to travel on a steam locomotive,

735. don't get on old 97, I just have a bad feeling about it.

736. - Oof. - Oh, geez.

737. Oh, here's a funny joke.

738. I think this is pretty funny.

739. - Jesus fucking christ.

740. - Wouldn't be fun if we just like sat around

741. like we've been doing?

742. Or is this just a part of your show that you're like,

743. this show needs structure,

744. this is the segment this will be.

745. - No.

746. - I think a good job title

747. for Jesus Christ would be visiting lecturer.

748. - Ha, visiting lecturer. - I like that.

749. That's brilliant.

750. Very good.

751. Very good, whoever wrote that.

752. Brilliant.

753. - Do you watch a lot of standup still,

754. or do you have some favorite comics that are—

755. - I mean, I try to.

756. If I'm going to enjoy myself at home,

757. I don't watch comedy because it's stressful.

758. I love murder, I love whodunits, I like thrillers.

759. I love that shit. - Me too.

760. - So, you know, it's a little bit like work,

761. but I wanna support my friends, that said,

762. I wanna be abreast of what's going on on the scene,

763. because otherwise, I become one of those old comedian types.

764. - Right.

765. - But desensitized sometimes?

766. Like something that brought you so much joy

767. when you were young and now you're like,

768. oh, I see that trick, you know what I mean?

769. - Yeah, but then there's a joy to that,

770. this part of our lives too, you know?

771. It's pretty cool, and being able to understand

772. and have an ear for the kind of laugh.

773. Like when you walk off stage you go,

774. yeah, I did well, but they were laughers,

775. you know, they would laugh at anything.

776. - I always think of when you start,

777. you must have a tin ear because

778. I always thought I did well.

779. But of course I didn't.

780. I think I would hear four people laugh and go

781. that's awesome like, people were yelling at me to leave.

782. - Most comics would be paying attention

783. to the ones that aren't laughing.

784. - I think that's a more jaded, that's later.

785. - I think at first you need some sort of self-delusion.

786. - But there are a lot of great

787. young comics I think right now.

788. - Me too. - I love Kate Berlant.

789. - Is this the golden age of comedy?

790. - Kate Berlant, Beth Stelling.

791. - She's good.

792. - Lots of really good ones.

793. - There's so many comedians.

794. - Yeah, there's too many.

795. - It's pretty cool though.

796. - What do you think of the,

797. your specials are always great.

798. - The word on the street is yours is the best.

799. - Oh, no. - I'm not kidding.

800. Everyone says that out of all these

801. huge superstar comics having their specials this month,

802. everyone says Norm's is mind-blowing.

803. - That's really nice,

804. but I think Louis's is the best so far.

805. - I gotta still see it.

806. - But yours is coming out, so that'll be

807. a great astonishing one as always.

808. - When is yours coming out? - The 30th.

809. - It takes a little while to get a special, right?

810. - Tuesday.

811. - Do you think maybe some of the guys

812. are pushing it too hard, like?

813. - Yeah.

814. I never think about my next special or anything.

815. I just think of it as, I put my nose back to the grindstone

816. and I'm a comic, and then if somebody goes,

817. do you wanna do a special, I go, ah.

818. And then I go, oh, yeah, maybe I do.

819. I mean, it's 10 years between my first two specials,

820. just 'cause I never, it didn't occur to me.

821. - Well, you're doing other— - Well, look at Pryor.

822. He only did three and his third one wasn't even that good.

823. Like, and he's the best ever, so,

824. if he doesn't have that much to say, you know what I mean?

825. Then what do we have to say?

826. Do you really have 25 hours of stuff?

827. - I don't have an answer for that.

828. - Remember when HBO was around, you couldn't get a special

829. 'cause they had deals with guys.

830. Dennis Miller, one a year.

831. Rich Jeni, one a year. - We had the Young Comedians.

832. Were you on a Young Comedians special?

833. - No, no. - Really?

834. - I really wish I was.

835. - Were you on one?

836. - Mm-mm. - No?

837. - You just missed it, I think.

838. - Yeah, it was before me.

839. - They should do that again.

840. - You started so young.

841. - Daniel was just saying that.

842. - Fred Stoller is doing a documentary

843. on the guys that were with him

844. on his Young Comedians special.

845. - Who was on his?

846. - Was that Drake Sather, David Spade,

847. Rob Schneider, Judd Apatow.

848. - Not Judd Apatow, no.

849. Two other guys.

850. - Oh, what's her name, Jann Karam?

851. - Oh, Jann Karam.

852. Oh, I remember watching that.

853. - She was fantastic, that was the funniest shit.

854. - "How do you do those exercises?"

855. - And then fucking Carson's getting all horny at the desk.

856. - Oh, she's great.

857. - How did she not destroy?

858. The other one was Warren Thomas.

859. - Oh, may he rest in peace.

860. - There was a suicide, a death from AIDS,

861. uh, Fred Stoller.

862. - I meant poor Fred Stoller. - We went to call him,

863. because Fred Stoller, he tells me

864. he always wanted to be a character actor,

865. and that's what he is now, but it still seems—

866. - Yeah, that's true.

867. - I can't pick 'em at all.

868. Like I remember, guys would get success,

869. I'd go, huh, what, you know?

870. - But it is funny, there are people who are like

871. persistent in a way I would never,

872. I would fucking never be, even if it meant

873. not going as far, but it just—

874. - It's disgusting.

875. - I think it's so sweaty and gross.

876. - You mean like telling people you're good?

877. - Or just like networking, you know?

878. Like that kind of thing, it's fucking gross.

879. But there are people that get successful that way.

880. - A lot of 'em do. - But it doesn't mean—

881. Then I see young comics who go,

882. I'm gonna bang on every door, call everyone I know,

883. go up and say stuff and push to get on people's shows,

884. because that's what I heard so and so did,

885. and that's what you have to do.

886. And I go, no, you don't have to do it.

887. You can just be like cool, you know?

888. Wait for people to talk about that you're funny.

889. - I don't if you were on the show this year,

890. but that was when Jay,

891. 'cause me and Jay Mohr and Sarah came together,

892. and but anyways, Jay Mohr—

893. - We were hired on Saturday Night Live at the same time.

894. - On Saturday Night Live. - Oh, yeah.

895. - So Jay Mohr had read this book about the—

896. - Oh, the night he read it, when he threw the phone.

897. Yeah, yeah, go on, sorry. - No, tell it.

898. - I'm sorry. - No, you tell it.

899. - I remember he was literally reading like Saturday Night,

900. the book about Saturday Night Live,

901. and he reads about Bill Murray throwing a you know—

902. - A phone.

903. - Throwing a phone out the window,

904. and then he fucking threw his,

905. pulled the phone out of the wall

906. and threw it out the window.

907. And that's when they go, okay,

908. you don't have to be a writer, you can just perform.

909. - It's hanging, people are trying to pull it up.

910. - Like where we were outside of it,

911. so we had a perspective to see like,

912. oh, you just read this and then you did it?

913. I honestly think that he just,

914. he absorbed it and became it genuinely,

915. which is also part of his talent.

916. - It is, yeah. - Yeah.

917. - He's persistent.

918. - Hey, I remember hearing about you smoking a cigarette,

919. this is how long ago, smoking a cigarette

920. in the writers room and Ian Maxtone-Graham

921. poured water on it and you punched him in the face.

922. - Oh, yeah, Fred Wolf told me about that.

923. - It's just when people come from different backgrounds.

924. But you know what I mean.

925. You grow up in Canada, everybody fights and everybody—

926. - Yeah, you wear cleats on your hands, right?

927. - It is funny when you meet someone and you go,

928. well, this person has never been punched in the face.

929. - Oh, there's so many now.

930. - He told me after he'd never fought.

931. He was a foot taller than me, he was a big guy,

932. and then I felt bad, I said,

933. you've never fought in your whole life,

934. and then you pour water on a guy's head?

935. - Because he goes, oh, I didn't know that there were

936. consequences to actions, but it is,

937. but in a way, right or wrong.

938. - A great guy and a funny writer.

939. - But remember it's funny because he was so hoity-toity,

940. and he had never gotten his license,

941. 'cause he had always been driven.

942. - Was he a Harvard guy?

943. - No, and the Harvard guys used to look down on him

944. because he went to Brown, meanwhile none of us went to,

945. or I didn't go to college, I don't know if you did.

946. - No, I didn't go, but they would tear him apart.

947. - We were like the real scum of the Earth comics

948. that they stole all our jokes from.

949. - I read in Monty Python that Cleese and Chapman

950. went to Cambridge, and Palin and Idle went to Oxford.

951. So the two from Cambridge looked down

952. on the two from Oxford like they were idiots.

953. They went to fucking Oxford.

954. - Wouldn't it be the other way around?

955. - No, Cambridge is the best. - Oh, okay, well.

956. That's how much I know.

957. - No, you think of Oxford the same way you think of Harvard,

958. but it's actually Princeton.

959. Hi, sweetheart.

960. - Yeah, but don't you realize when you're older,

961. it's like, I mean, there are smart people,

962. but it's really just rich people.

963. I know smarter people that didn't go to college.

964. The smartest person I know may be Tig Notaro.

965. She didn't graduate eighth grade.

966. - Yeah, she's brilliant. - Did you,

967. 'cause when I first started I was very afraid of,

968. as soon as I heard Harvard, I never knew anybody

969. that even, like I never graduated college,

970. or I never went to college, but,

971. when I heard Harvard, I was like holy shit,

972. like I'll never be able, it was for the Roseanne show,

973. I said I'll never be able to keep up with these fuckers.

974. But, yeah, then you realize it's just rich people.

975. - Oh, they're just rich dumb guys who have confidence

976. that it takes a long time to learn

977. how to have if you're not rich.

978. - Yeah, you're right about that, the confidence, goddammit.

979. George W Bush was in,

980. the only president who was in Harvard and Yale.

981. - He went to Yale— - He went to both.

982. - My English Teacher, Mr. Anthony

983. went to Yale with him and said he was so dumb,

984. and he would just show up drunk every day,

985. show up like hungover and stinking of booze,

986. and he was just dumb. - I can see that.

987. - When I was young, we didn't have any money,

988. we lived on a farm, so really there,

989. no one had any money, they were all super poor.

990. - What did your farm produce?

991. - Dairy cattle, but it was a dead, obsolete farm.

992. - And comedians.

993. - And what? - And comedians.

994. - So, there's one guy had some money, he ran the,

995. he owned the eggs, you know, from all the farmers.

996. - Did you do farming yourself? - Yeah.

997. So he would take the eggs

998. and pretty well sell them back to you.

999. You'd go and buy some eggs, I don't know why.

1000. He had fucking chickens, but anyways,

1001. he was the rich guy, and he had a big fat belly,

1002. which was like a sign of prosperity back then,

1003. like he would actually stick it out so he'd look fatter,

1004. but he'd drive his, every year he bought a goddamn,

1005. and I used to hate it, a Lincoln Continental,

1006. not even a Cadillac, like a Continental,

1007. and he'd drive it to every poor farmer that had nothing

1008. and park it and show it to 'em,

1009. and then my father would go, "God damn, that,"

1010. his name was Hubert Delaney,

1011. he goes, "That Hubert Delaney, God damn."

1012. He'd go, "How much that cost?"

1013. He's like "8,000" and whatever it cost, you know?

1014. He'd go "Good God," and just brag about his fucking car,

1015. and then drive to the next guy's house and do the same,

1016. but then afterwards my father would go,

1017. "God damn, he's a good guy."

1018. I'd go, "What, good guy, what?"

1019. Like I don't like him at all.

1020. He seems like a fucking braggart.

1021. "No, no."

1022. - My dad just fell and broke two ribs.

1023. He passed out from coughing really hard

1024. and then he broke two ribs and then he went to the hospital

1025. and then they released him 'cause it's just broken ribs,

1026. then he's at the pool the next day,

1027. 'cause he loves, he just swims every day,

1028. he's like a 10-year-old, you know?

1029. And he still has all the EKG stickers all over him.

1030. I have a picture, he's just like this,

1031. 'cause he was too scared to pull 'em off,

1032. 'cause it hurt with the hair.

1033. I go, you have two broken ribs,

1034. you can't pull off the stickers?

1035. He goes, "The pool will pull 'em off."

1036. - Pretty strong though, goddamn.

1037. - Yeah, if he's in the pool swimming

1038. the next day after breaking two ribs.

1039. - You wouldn't do that. - No!

1040. - You'd be on your back for— - I'd milk it for months.

1041. - My dad never complains and Daniel's seen his feet,

1042. he has really deformed feet.

1043. He just had to get two toes removed.

1044. I go, "What toes did they remove?"

1045. And this is the only way he knows 'em, he goes,

1046. "The one who went to market and the one who had none."

1047. What ones are those?

1048. He goes they're those.

1049. - That's fucking great.

1050. I don't know which ones those are actually.

1051. - I think they're the last ones, right?

1052. The last two.

1053. - No, one had fucking roast beef though.

1054. - Oh, it was the one who went to roast,

1055. the one who had roast beef and the one who went to market.

1056. The one who had none is the pinky, but he still has that.

1057. And that's our show, thank you.

1058. - Thanks, Sarah. - Thank you so much.

1059. - Aw.