Norm Macdonald Live 3x6

1. - Today, Sarah Silverman will join us.

2. I'm here with my trusty sidekick Adam Eget.

3. How are you Adam?

4. - I'm good, how are you Norm?

5. - I'm good man.

6. - Nice deal.

7. - I have a computer now for the show.

8. - Yeah, I see you have the laptop out.

9. What are you?

10. - Well that way if a guest says something

11. I don't know about I look it up on a.

12. - Well, that's inventive.

13. That's smart.

14. - What's that called?

15. - It's called the internet.

16. - No, but there's a special thing you can hit.

17. Oh, yeah.

18. Ask Jeeves.

19. - What are you asking him?

20. - Say who's this fucker that I'm talking to?

21. No, I'm just kidding you.

22. But, I used to work at a.

23. I was a customer service for an airplane.

24. People always want to take their dogs on board now.

25. You know this is the newest thing.

26. - Yeah.

27. - What do they say it's a service dog.

28. - Service dog, right.

29. - It's rarely a service dog.

30. - Mmm hmm.

31. Most are chihuahuas.

32. - And this woman called me she said

33. she wanted to bring him in a big kennel.

34. - Mmm hmm.

35. - I said well the kennel has to be big enough

36. that the dog can lie down and roll over

37. and jump up and all that.

38. - Right.

39. - She said I haven't trained him to do any of those.

40. - Service dog.

41. - Why do dogs always race to the door

42. when the door bell rings?

43. It's almost never for them?

44. Oh man.

45. We got more jokes than any talk show on television.

46. - Do you have a dog?

47. - Do I have a dog?

48. - Yeah.

49. - Well, you know what they say.

50. Nature abhors a vacuum.

51. I think that was Newton.

52. Nature abhors a vacuum.

53. But so does my dog.

54. I have a dog.

55. After a talking sheep dog, this seems ridiculous.

56. Talking sheep dog.

57. Oh well.

58. After talking sheep dog gets all the sheeps in the pen

59. he report back to the farmer.

60. All 40 accounted for.

61. But I only have 36 sheep says the farmer.

62. I only have 36 sheep.

63. There's 40.

64. I know says the sheep dog.

65. But I rounded them up.

66. - Oh god.

67. That was the worst fucking thing I've ever heard.

68. - What do you call an Amish guy

69. with his hand in a horses mouth?

70. - What do you call an Amish guy

71. with his hand in a horses mouth?

72. - A mechanic.

73. - They don't drive cars.

74. - Opening up the hood.

75. - You don't want the Amish.

76. - You be the horse.

77. - No, I don't want to be the horse.

78. I'm always the horse.

79. - You're always the horse.

80. - I'm always the horse.

81. - Last night you weren't. - Oh god.

82. Did we start?

83. - No, we're done.

84. We'll be back with Sarah Silverman in a moment.

85. So I've got Mary with us and her owner.

86. - I like to say owner.

87. We're each others companions.

88. - Oh that's nice.

89. - Oh, this is a good story I've got for you.

90. - This is Sarah Silverman everybody.

91. How is that?

92. - Thank, oh.

93. We were talking about Cheers.

94. - Oh yeah, before the show

95. we were talking about Cheers the television program.

96. - This is so great.

97. Maybe I'm setting it up too much.

98. But, Bill Wiley this character actor

99. who is Henry Phillips dad.

100. - Oh wow.

101. - Yeah, you know Henry Phillips the comedian.

102. - I know.

103. - Oh my god.

104. You'd love him.

105. Norm, you'd love him so much.

106. - He's really close with Mike Judge.

107. - Oh yeah.

108. - Yeah, so anyway.

109. His dad is this character actor

110. who was gonna be Coach on Cheers.

111. He was testing for the role.

112. Between him and the other guy.

113. - Wow.

114. - But he turned it down because Cheers was just a pilot

115. and he got a real concrete job

116. playing the bad guy in Porky's two.

117. - Oh my god.

118. - And then if you think about that, I mean it's so crazy.

119. We wouldn't even know Woody Harrelson

120. because he's still alive.

121. Because Bill Wiley's still alive.

122. - True.

123. - Well yeah, well we might still know him right.

124. I'd like to think we would.

125. - He probably would be, yeah.

126. - Yeah, he would have got somewhere.

127. - At one time I was in a movie with him.

128. - True Detective would be like.

129. - True Detective.

130. - And introducing.

131. - That's right.

132. - I did a movie that he was in.

133. And I didn't know how to act

134. and he is an incredibly.

135. - You do now?

136. - No.

137. I did and I don't now.

138. But I was in a scene with him

139. and he's a really good actor.

140. So anyways, the director was Milos Foreman.

141. He goes forget the script

142. and I'm like thank god.

143. Cause I'd already forgotten it.

144. So he said just say it

145. and say it and I'll keep it.

146. And he was Larry Flint.

147. - Right, of course.

148. - But he was doing the voice all the time

149. off stage just for fun.

150. You know, cause it's fun to do that voice.

151. So he aghhh.

152. Get myself a joint or whatever.

153. And so then we're in the scene talking.

154. Milo goes just forget the script you know.

155. Anyways so then Wood Harrelson goes,

156. "Can I get you a beer, do you want a beer?"

157. I go I don't drink.

158. He goes well I have a beer.

159. He has it in his hand.

160. I go I don't want it, I don't drink.

161. Then they go cut.

162. And it was all from the movie.

163. I was in the movie.

164. But he was so fucking good.

165. Like he was looking at me right in the eye

166. and I really thought he was asking me something.

167. I was probably acting good.

168. If I had just gone with it.

169. - I like how you.

170. I like how you make the choice to say acting good.

171. You know that it's well.

172. - Acting well.

173. - I know, but I feel like it's a choice

174. to be like I'm not.

175. I'm gonna be a regular guy and say acting good.

176. - Oh, I suppose.

177. - Because you're fancy.

178. I know you.

179. You say like when and where.

180. - That's not Shakespeare right.

181. That's just my Canadian accent.

182. I learned that wh was pronounced.

183. Was pronounced whoo, whoo.

184. So you got a whole loaf of bread.

185. Or whole loaf of wheat.

186. - Oh, I always think of that as like horty torty.

187. - Oh you do?

188. - Yeah.

189. - How do you describe the second month of the year?

190. How do you pronounce that?

191. - February.

192. - That's what I say.

193. What do you say?

194. - I say Febuary.

195. - It's supposed to be February.

196. - Well, I used to say February.

197. Until I learned how to spell it.

198. - No, it's pronounced Febuary.

199. He's right.

200. - Febuary.

201. - No, he's right.

202. - Yeah, I know but I.

203. Well I don't know who's right or wrong.

204. But, now that I know how to spell it.

205. I mean that's how I say Wednesday.

206. - Yeah, exactly.

207. - But I don't know.

208. - What about comfortable.

209. Think of how that's spelled.

210. - Comfortable.

211. - Comfortable.

212. Well.

213. - But we transpose the t and the r.

214. - I go on that website Pinterest

215. but I think it's Pinterest.

216. - We talk about it.

217. - I know to say Pinterest

218. but then it's because it's interest.

219. Interest.

220. But I say interesting.

221. - I say Pinterest.

222. - Do you interesting?

223. - I say interesting.

224. I say it like you.

225. - Yeah.

226. - Too long.

227. - I think I say it both ways.

228. - Interesting is probably better.

229. - Is it envelope or envelope?

230. - Envelope.

231. - Envelope, envelope would sound horty torty to me.

232. - Yeah same.

233. - I'm trying not to sound horty torty.

234. Trying not to draw attention to yourself in any manner.

235. - Alright, so what is the painted fingernail?

236. - This is-

237. - A symbol of?

238. - To pronounce my solidarity with the children

239. who have been abused.

240. - Hey that's amazing.

241. - Young boys.

242. There's a lot more out there than you know.

243. Than you think.

244. - Young boys?

245. - No.

246. - Oh young boys who were abused?

247. - Yeah.

248. - How about girls?

249. - Shit tons of them too.

250. All of them.

251. A hundred percent of them.

252. - Just because yeah.

253. - Are you kidding.

254. - Just because I'm for one thing

255. doesn't mean I'm against all other things.

256. - You're against girls that have been abused?

257. - Just 10 minutes ago you talking about

258. you were against clean needles.

259. - That's way more controversial.

260. - There's his eyes.

261. - Me and Tucker Carlson are the only people

262. that believe in clean needles.

263. We're against clean needles.

264. - No clean needles.

265. - This was your, you know the great writer Steve.

266. - O'Donnell.

267. - O'Donnell.

268. - Oh.

269. - He's not here.

270. But this is what he wrote.

271. This comic and actor.

272. Political activist, guitar player.

273. The sweetheart of the stage.

274. The television of the internet.

275. Sarah K. Silverman and the K stands for keen.

276. - Awwww.

277. - And then he put or kosher or kind hearted.

278. I could choose.

279. - That's nice.

280. - I'd say keen.

281. - I mean we're all thinking kike.

282. - Kike.

283. - Steve O'Donnell, whenever I see him

284. he calls me doll shoes.

285. Hi doll shoes.

286. - That is an interesting point.

287. Kike, okay so.

288. - We were talking about this earlier.

289. - We were just talking, yeah.

290. - Go ahead.

291. The origins of vulgarious racial slurs.

292. So I understood mick.

293. - It's the same as chink.

294. - Okay, so it's like a sound of a last name.

295. - The sound of the language by an ignorant person.

296. - Oh, that makes sense.

297. - Like chink, chink.

298. It sounds of chink.

299. Kike, kike, k, k, k.

300. That shit.

301. - I'm saying that Jew sounds like a bad thing.

302. Even though it's saying what the person is.

303. - Yeah, it can be used to describe what you are.

304. It can also be used as an insult.

305. It's the only one I can think of where.

306. - This guy's a Jew, just by the context.

307. - You fucking Jew.

308. - Acting like a Jew.

309. What are you a Jew.

310. Where I grew up in New Hampshire that was like.

311. They go don't Jew me down, Jew.

312. That was like a regular thing.

313. - They said that where I grew up too.

314. It was the past.

315. - It all depends on how you say something.

316. - It's geographical.

317. Yeah.

318. - Did you say Jewgraphical, is that what you said?

319. - I feel the least offensive epathy, to me anyways.

320. Chinaman.

321. Cause he's a man from China for god's sake.

322. - It's not used always as a man from China.

323. That's the problem.

324. - What do you mean?

325. - Well cause people use it.

326. No they wouldn't call you a Chinaman

327. but they could call someone from Vietnam.

328. - Not a Chinaman's chance they'd call me one.

329. - You can stick to that.

330. You can stick to your guns there.

331. - Well what about you say Asian.

332. Now, people from China hate Japanese, the Japanese.

333. You know.

334. - Right.

335. - Ever since the rape of Nanking.

336. - It's a little bit of a generalization.

337. The camera woman you could probably ask.

338. - You know they're enemies.

339. - She is Asian but not Chinese or Japanese I would say.

340. - She looks American to me.

341. - Oh nice one.

342. - But the Chinese and the you know.

343. They have a history of.

344. So I would think if I was Chinese

345. I would not want to be lumped in with all of Asia.

346. - Chinaman, is that Jewish?

347. - All of Asia?

348. Was is that Russia?

349. - Yeah, Russia is Asian.

350. - The Ukraine.

351. I mean come on.

352. - You're Asian.

353. - Not you're Asian, I mean Euroasia.

354. - Yeah.

355. - Do you have problems with it.

356. With a guy that was a better spokesman.

357. - You're like real Foster Brooks over here.

358. Brooks'.

359. - You know that spokesman that got mad at you?

360. - Me?

361. - Yeah.

362. - Oh, the guy I okay, yeah.

363. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

364. And then you were on clear the incredible.

365. - Oh, it was an absolute disaster.

366. - That was funny.

367. - He brought 80 people in the audience.

368. - Oh he did?

369. - And I brought zero people.

370. - Oh that's what he did?

371. - I was right there.

372. Yeah, and then they made me repeat the joke which is.

373. I didn't know to go no I'm not going to do that.

374. - Yeah, yeah.

375. - It's hard to even.

376. That was a really good lesson.

377. Cause I learned to just never defend a joke.

378. It's not for me to defend.

379. It's for him to be offended by if he's offended by it.

380. For other people to defend him or not defend.

381. It's not mine anymore, it's out there.

382. It's you know.

383. - Yeah.

384. - I mean if I, I always apologize when I'm sorry.

385. But it's also important

386. to not apologize if you're not sorry.

387. Cause it's disingenuous.

388. - Absolutely, anytime anyone apologizes for a joke

389. I get real.

390. - Unless they're sorry.

391. Unless they're sorry, you know.

392. I grow and change and there's shit.

393. Ahh, you're such a comedian.

394. Are you sorry?

395. Are you sorry?

396. - I don't know if I'm saying that right.

397. - Have you felt pressure at all to?

398. Have you felt pressure at all over the years

399. to change your act in any way?

400. - Well that time on Bill Maher with the 80 Chinaman.

401. Did you hear what you just said?

402. - No but she didn't say that she's changed her act,

403. like have you?

404. - I change, I like to let myself be changed

405. with new information.

406. But, I don't.

407. I wouldn't say.

408. I always measure is it funnier than it is offensive to me.

409. - Exactly.

410. - But then sometimes my eyes get open to things

411. that I'm not aware of.

412. Because I, you know.

413. I'm understanding this liberal bubble concept.

414. Because if I look at my first special 15 years ago.

415. There's stuff that fucking makes me cringe.

416. And I don't want to wipe it out of existence

417. because it's important.

418. It's a part of.

419. You know, it's like Amos and Andy.

420. You can wipe that out of existence but it's important.

421. It's an important part of comedy

422. that reminds us of a very racists time.

423. - Yeah.

424. - You know, it tells history in it's existence.

425. - Most people deal with that.

426. - The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.

427. - I know that wasn't a spit take thing

428. but I was taking a sip of water.

429. It would look just.

430. - Do you remember you had that question?

431. - Yeah, I wanted to know.

432. - Adam, you have a question for me?

433. - Yeah, I have a lot of questions.

434. So, I'm curious about the SNL Mr. Showtime.

435. Cause I was talking to Norm about it.

436. - We were trying to figure out your timeline.

437. - Yeah, so Mr. Show and SNL.

438. Was SNL before Mr. Show?

439. It was.

440. - I told you that.

441. - Norm and I were.

442. Yeah, well your first year was my year.

443. - When did you leave SNL, do you remember what year?

444. - I decided to leave.

445. - You were in immediately with Mr. Show.

446. I didn't know that.

447. - No I didn't.

448. - That's what he said.

449. - Well, cause Mr. Show was like 95.

450. - Like 97.

451. - Ohhh, you came.

452. Maybe you weren't.

453. So you weren't involved in.

454. - No, I was.

455. No, no, no.

456. Because I was on Saturday Night Live 93, 94 season.

457. - Okay.

458. - And I get the boot.

459. Then I go, what am I doing.

460. There's nothing left in New York.

461. I'm gonna move to LA.

462. Moved to LA.

463. Then a.

464. - Oh Larry Sanders.

465. - There's Larry.

466. I was cast on another sitcom immediately actually.

467. And then fired right before that.

468. - What was that Sarah?

469. - And then I just felt like

470. I'm gonna get fired from everything.

471. And I got so scared.

472. It was a sitcom called Pride and Joy.

473. It's really funny because I looked like I was 15.

474. And they hired me to play

475. a wife, mother and architect in New York City.

476. And my husband was Craig Bierko

477. and our neighbors were Jeremy Piven and Caroline Rhea.

478. And I remember backstage.

479. This is in the mid 90's.

480. Jeremy Piven was the first person I ever heard say

481. don't go there.

482. I remember going like.

483. I was really excited by it.

484. And then, but I was so young and naive.

485. When I would have kissing scenes with Craig Bierko.

486. It's just like a husband and wife kissing.

487. But I just went straight to like

488. full tongue, open mouth making out.

489. I think everyone felt embarrassed to say anything to me.

490. But I just didn't know better.

491. To me that was like when it says to kiss.

492. I was like.

493. - Three camera's that caught your reaction.

494. - Oh god.

495. - Have you ever been to an acting class

496. where people are just making out?

497. - Yeah, I didn't enjoy acting class.

498. I learned a lot but it's just.

499. I fucking hate all the people in it.

500. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

501. - You know, and they had such access to their emotions

502. and I feel I run pretty deep

503. and had no access to my emotions.

504. And then some idiot is just like.

505. And they're like what did you use there?

506. And she's like, imagining my puppy getting hurt or whatever.

507. And I'm just like.

508. - Wow, maybe you're on to something there.

509. Maybe shallow people are better.

510. Maybe their emotions are also shallow.

511. - I wouldn't make a blanket statement.

512. I think there are some people that have a lot of depth

513. and are amazing actors.

514. And I think that sometimes people are just empty vessels

515. through which great acting comes through.

516. - Yeah. - Mmm hmm.

517. - I'm delighted.

518. - Paul Newman I would say had a great hard time accessing.

519. But also he obviously must have felt deeply

520. because he did all those great things for children

521. and so forth you know.

522. Cause I'm sure he was a great person.

523. - Yeah.

524. - But he said it was very hard for him

525. to cry on cue or anything like that.

526. That other people could do more easily.

527. But you see sometimes guys are so mysterial.

528. Like remember, maybe you're too young.

529. But when I was young, Robert De Niro.

530. He would only do one movie every three years.

531. And he never talked.

532. He'd never go on a talk show.

533. - No, yeah.

534. - So cool.

535. And one night I saw him.

536. He went on a talk show, Arsenio,

537. and he was an idiot.

538. I'm like awww.

539. Why didn't you just stay at home.

540. - He might be a vessel.

541. - Yeah, I think he's a vessel.

542. - But brilliant.

543. The most amazing.

544. - Agreed.

545. - I have the videos of myself in acting class.

546. And the guy just gave up on me immediately.

547. I was with my friend, this other comic.

548. And he was like we'll just take these guys money.

549. They'll never be actors.

550. But he was like calling and yelling at everybody

551. except me and this other guy.

552. Cause he thought we'd quit.

553. And somebody had these videos.

554. It's my head and then this lady's head.

555. And I'm like, she never moves or anything.

556. I think I'm moving.

557. In my mind.

558. Like I'm thinking sad things.

559. But it never gets to my face.

560. And she's crying and laughing.

561. And the guy's always going after her.

562. What's the matter.

563. Look at his face.

564. And then it cuts to me and it's just stone figure.

565. And she's, what do you see in his face?

566. She's like, anger.

567. No.

568. Tell her Norm, I'm like ahhh.

569. But yeah, there was certainly a.

570. Seemed like a sort of cruel patriarch going on

571. between that acting teacher and this girl.

572. - Yeah, well a lot of those acting teachers.

573. First of all, are just like

574. fucking all the 19 year olds in there.

575. And they become these gurus that are just like.

576. They want to just be worshiped.

577. So it's a really good gig.

578. - Did you see that documentary?

579. The cult and the guy was like a former actor

580. and the same thing.

581. - Yes.

582. - Yeah.

583. - Yes, he was like an Indian guy right?

584. - Yeah, exactly.

585. - And then at the end they tracked him down to Hawaii.

586. - Yeah, they tracked him down to Hawaii.

587. Very anticlimactic, yeah.

588. - Yeah they go, we caught you.

589. And he's like did you.

590. - He's like, when did you get it?

591. - It was incredible, I watched the whole thing.

592. - It was brilliant.

593. - Yeah, I remember this acting teacher.

594. He was like, he'd say stuff to the girls like.

595. Imagine your pussy's sewn stone shut.

596. You know, just like Jesus fucking Christ.

597. - That's my motivation.

598. - This big waiting list to get in his class.

599. - Everything's play acting

600. so they're allowed to say anything.

601. - Yeah, exactly.

602. - I remember one time.

603. One of the first acting jobs I got

604. was a two-part Star Trek Voyager.

605. So I hire him to.

606. - Which one was that?

607. With Patrick Stewart?

608. - No, that was The Next Generation.

609. - Kate Mulgrew.

610. - Oh, she was the female.

611. She was Mrs. Columbo.

612. - Yeah, she was.

613. And I go, oh this is a real acting job on TV.

614. I'll go get this guy so I hire this guy.

615. And I meet with him

616. and he's like pouring through the script.

617. And he finally even he just goes,

618. "Look, sometimes when you're running from lazors

619. you just got to pretend you're running from lazors.

620. It was really the greatest advice

621. because that's the truth.

622. Acting is just pretend it's real.

623. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

624. - That was good advice.

625. - I know.

626. - It's crazy.

627. - I appreciated it.

628. We'll be right back.

629. - Got to go.

630. - That was good.

631. - Was that good?

632. - That was excellent, that was perfect.

633. - We'll be right back.

634. - We were talking about Sarah's new beau.

635. - Three years.

636. - Three years is serious.

637. - We're on again off again lovers.

638. It's not like a you know.

639. - Oh, I guess.

640. - Oh, I mean.

641. - But what about, you say he's a brilliant actor.

642. And I know he is.

643. But do you ever try to ask him

644. like how do you do better?

645. Not that you're not a brilliant actress.

646. - No, yeah.

647. I mean I don't know.

648. It's funny because he's played a lot of people.

649. And I go, you do such good impersonations.

650. And he gets really mad.

651. He's like, they're not impersonations.

652. I inhabit.

653. - He's got a little vessel in him.

654. - No, he's pretty deep though.

655. He's like a really big brain guy.

656. - I watched that There Will Be Blood

657. with Danial Day-Lewis.

658. Presumably the greatest actor on the planet.

659. And he was doing an impression of John Huston.

660. And it bothered me the whole time, you know.

661. And I asked Paul Thomas Anderson,

662. did you tell him to do John Huston?

663. And he said, "No, but he did."

664. - Yeah, but I wouldn't know that.

665. I don't know what John Huston sounds like.

666. If you watched Chinatown you know John Huston was like,

667. "Mr. Gintz, it's time you leave Chinatown."

668. I can't do him but.

669. He did like a.

670. Because it wasn't a great impression

671. it came off as a character.

672. - Oh, someone showed Heath Ledger.

673. You know how he's incredible in that Batman and Joker.

674. And then he's doing like a really young Tom Waits

675. or somebody.

676. - I remember I heard that.

677. - That's when they show it back to back on YouTube.

678. - Yeah, it's incredible.

679. - A lot of people do that.

680. I know Tom Hardy does that a lot, a lot of people do that.

681. - Peter Sellers said every character he ever did

682. he stole from Alec Guinness.

683. - We saw that one movie where Alec Guinness played all the.

684. It was very Sellers.

685. - Kind of Artson Coronet.

686. - Yeah, kind of Artson Coronet.

687. But there was something that Sellers.

688. It was an interesting person that Sellers

689. played for being there.

690. Oh, I know who it is.

691. Remember being there?

692. - Of course.

693. - He was like Stan Warhol.

694. - Oh, that's incredible.

695. - Oh wow.

696. - It makes sense now.

697. - Oh my god.

698. - Yeah.

699. - What was that thing about where he kept saying about

700. he said if you give me my fucking money.

701. He was talking about when he saw.

702. - Do it like Stan Warhol.

703. - I can't.

704. - He said if you bounce me the fucking money.

705. - I will cut you.

706. - That's really good.

707. - That's great.

708. I never realized that.

709. Wholly shit.

710. - And then here's the other cool thing.

711. I saw a thing, it was the cast of the Godfather.

712. And they were talking about this one scene.

713. And remember Luca Brasi comes

714. and talks to the Godfather at the very opening wedding.

715. - At the wedding, yeah.

716. - And he says, I hope you have the,

717. that hilarious line about masculine.

718. - First son will be a masculine one.

719. - Your first child will be a masculine one.

720. - I would just hear Arty doing it.

721. Yeah, yeah.

722. - Just hear Arty, very well.

723. So but in real life they did it

724. and the guy sucked as an actor.

725. Like he was only cast because he was good at killing

726. and he looked big.

727. So he's trying to say this

728. and they said like.

729. Call brand.

730. Okay come on, come on.

731. Hurry it up you know.

732. And the guy is like this, you know.

733. And he sucks and he can't remember his lines and shit.

734. So they're like are we gonna fire him.

735. What the fuck are we gonna do?

736. And then Coldplay goes no we'll keep it.

737. And then the next day he did a shot of the guy

738. outside waiting, practicing his speech.

739. So the Godfather.

740. - Oh yeah.

741. - So not only saved it but he turned into

742. a memorable scene for this horrible actor.

743. - Yeah.

744. - No one's ever done that for me.

745. - No.

746. - That's for goddamn sure.

747. - Wait, we were in a film together.

748. - Oh god.

749. Oh my god.

750. - Sarah Silverman and Dave Chappelle.

751. - Oh yeah, that's right.

752. Screwed.

753. - They weren't in Hanson anyways.

754. - Yeah, not great.

755. - I remember there was a guy.

756. - And you know the guys who wrote it and directed it.

757. - Yes.

758. - Great guys.

759. - Larry Karaszewski.

760. - Larry and Alex uh.

761. - Alex Sulkin.

762. - No. - No.

763. - Larry Karaszewski.

764. - And Alex.

765. - God dammit.

766. - Alexander.

767. Steve Scott Alexander.

768. They wrote the OJ Simpson thing.

769. - Oh, the miniseries?

770. - Would you like to be on one of those party game things?

771. - Yes.

772. I love fun facts.

773. - Doesn't it remind you of like the 1950's?

774. When I was growing up they had shows like that.

775. Like certain B celebrities would be.

776. Okay, cause they're doing trash.

777. - Yes, well Match Game is so good with Alec Baldwin now.

778. Have you seen it?

779. - Yeah, it's much better than our version.

780. - Oh that's right, I forgot.

781. - You went to Canada for that show.

782. - I remember we did a Match Game pilot.

783. I completely forgot.

784. - Life is so long.

785. - The sixth though, each person dropped out.

786. So I said I know a super Dave.

787. - Who, Bruce Wayne couldn't make it.

788. - So, I know super Dave.

789. And so I phone super Dave.

790. And he goes no.

791. So I go just get back please.

792. So he walks into the room with the other celebrities

793. and he's like.

794. This never happened.

795. - He's so funny.

796. - If anyone asks just sabotage the whole thing.

797. The guy came out.

798. It was a very funny guy.

799. Andrew Daly.

800. - Oh yeah.

801. - He was the host.

802. He's like, I like the other guy.

803. With the log enough from 1970.

804. Except for Jane Rayburn.

805. - Jane Rayburn.

806. - He probably was on the original.

807. - Yeah probably, maybe.

808. I don't know.

809. - No.

810. - He has had an odd career.

811. But he's super wealthy.

812. Do you ever look around and some people?

813. - His grandkids call him Grandpa Super.

814. - Do they?

815. - Yeah.

816. - Oh, that's adorable.

817. - It's funny you forget how funny a name

818. Super Dave is.

819. - I know.

820. - Just to come up with that in itself.

821. - You know, I was thinking about TV shows like.

822. When I first moved to LA,

823. the Friends pilot script was going around.

824. I remember making fun of people that were

825. are you auditioning for Friends?

826. It's about friends, get it.

827. It's called Friends.

828. I was like crying laughing at how stupid it was.

829. But even Happy Days, we think of Happy Days.

830. If that was a pilot going around you'd go.

831. Ohhh, it's called Happy Days.

832. - I got this, one of the first scripts I got was Ellen.

833. And I'm like this is exactly like Seinfeld.

834. It's like written exactly like Seinfeld.

835. So I went in and told them that.

836. Cause I thought it would never go anywhere.

837. But that's not what you tell them.

838. - It's odd what hits and what doesn't.

839. I never would have thought that-

840. - I bet your beau would know.

841. - Yeah for sure.

842. - Oh for sure, he would know that show.

843. Absolutely.

844. - Remember the two Ronnie's?

845. - Yes.

846. - Because my mom was obsessed with the two Ronnie's.

847. - Four candles.

848. - Where would they see it, on PBS?

849. - I don't know, she used to talk about it all the time.

850. Then when I was just in Wales we watched this whole special

851. and it had all these bits by the two Ronnie's.

852. My mom was obsessed with them.

853. - Was it the top fifty sketches in British history.

854. Was that the one?

855. - Yeah, maybe.

856. Something like that.

857. - Cause they were on there a few times.

858. - Yeah it was.

859. It was yeah.

860. - The big Ronnie I loved.

861. He went on to do a TV show called Porridge

862. which was set in prison which I thought was.

863. Why wasn't there a comedy set in prison?

864. It seem so obvious.

865. But, he was hilarious.

866. But Ronnie.

867. - Corbett.

868. - Corbett would tell stories.

869. He was almost like Dave Allen.

870. He'd sit at a chair.

871. It was a British thing where they'd smoke

872. and drink and sit in that chair.

873. And tell a story with a whole bunch of jokes in the story.

874. Fucking incredible those guys.

875. Does your beau, is he a good story teller?

876. A Wales gentleman.

877. - Yeah.

878. Sometimes in bed I'll go say Shakespeare.

879. And then he goes, I'm not your monkey.

880. And then I go, I know.

881. You don't know it, it's okay.

882. And then, I mean he's so easily bullied.

883. - What a bliss.

884. When you're introducing him to your friends.

885. You go this is my boyfriend, he's from Wales.

886. I'm from normal parents.

887. - Yeah.

888. - I like it, you've already done it.

889. - Of course, sorry.

890. - I had to just do it in Buffalo.

891. I've never been with a girl from Wales.

892. I've been plugging those Buffalo sluts.

893. Rough trend down in Buffalo.

894. That's where we can go to Buffalo in Rochester.

895. Cause I do comedy in Canada.

896. And so as a result, we thought

897. the biggest guy in show business.

898. All over America was Howard Lapides.

899. Cause you know he owned.

900. - Oh my god!

901. - So, yeah he a.

902. - He was the biggest guy in.

903. - Yeah he was.

904. He was pretty big.

905. He was pretty big.

906. Hi sweet, awww.

907. - Didn't the guy drove you around

908. the neighborhood in Beverly Hills.

909. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

910. We don't have to talk about that.

911. - Oh okay.

912. - You know, why do you keep talking about him.

913. You know what I mean.

914. - Is he the guy you painted your finger about?

915. - Oh my god.

916. Hey sweetheart.

917. - Can I ask.

918. - Go ask your question.

919. You're a good girl.

920. Ask a question.

921. - You've been so generous to so many young comics.

922. Like Bryan Moses and people.

923. Who were some of your mentors, did you have any mentors?

924. - Gary Shandling for sure.

925. - Yeah, that makes sense.

926. - God dammit.

927. - She want to get into that mouth.

928. - Sarah, have you ever had a job other than show business?

929. No right?

930. - No, I mean I was a waitress.

931. - Pretty quick though.

932. - You got.

933. - It was the first time I ever saw a penis.

934. - When you were a waitress.

935. - Yeah.

936. My boss.

937. - Oh.

938. Jesus.

939. - Wait a minute.

940. I was just saying yesterday,

941. you know everybody talks about

942. sexual harassment in Hollywood.

943. And I was like what about these poor fucking waitresses.

944. - In Hollywood it's everywhere.

945. It's so funny because I was at something

946. where this woman.

947. She was on the stage she goes.

948. Raise your hand if you've ever seen a guy.

949. If a guy has ever jerked off in front of you in public.

950. You know, in a public place.

951. Every woman went like this.

952. - Oh shit, what.

953. - Nick Kroll was next to me and he's like.

954. are you serious.

955. I go, are you kidding.

956. And then you realize, guys don't realize it.

957. - Yeah, it's shocking to me.

958. This is a story I've heard.

959. That from a lot of different woman.

960. It seems like something from the 40's or something.

961. That guys will chase them like around a desk.

962. You know.

963. - Like in the olden timey days.

964. Benny Hill.

965. - Definitely like a power, powery thing.

966. They try to get away, the guy doesn't care.

967. He's trying to pin them.

968. And great actresses.

969. On the way here today I saw a billboard that said

970. stop getting screwed.

971. And then it said, it was an attorney for.

972. - It's the movie we did.

973. - Oh yeah, Screwed.

974. - Oh yeah.

975. - A sexual harassment attorney.

976. So if there's enough for billboards.

977. Then it's got to be pretty bad.

978. - Oh yeah, those guys.

979. - Men find out about it and they're like

980. this is lucrative.

981. How am I not making money from this sexual harassment?

982. - Yeah, you didn't-

983. - How come only men make money from this?

984. - The guys like and you don't have to

985. have remembered being sexually abused.

986. That's alright, come on.

987. One of those guys.

988. - What do you think?

989. You need something?

990. - Ambulance chasers.

991. - Want to come up?

992. - What do you call that?

993. - Skeletal snaggle.

994. An underbite.

995. - Horrible.

996. - You want to come up?

997. What do you need?

998. Do you see him doing a podcast?

999. Can everything not be about you for five minutes?

1000. And be about me.

1001. - Mary.

1002. - For the rest of the time.

1003. - Oh, so cute.

1004. - She's definitely like.

1005. She seems wildly unhappy but it's cute.

1006. - Does she?

1007. - I don't know, does she seem happy to you?

1008. - Yeah, she seems happy.

1009. - She seems a little nervous but.

1010. - Actually, maybe a little.

1011. - It's funny because my friend Dan got a dog

1012. and he's always stressed.

1013. And he goes, oh she's got all this stress.

1014. And like, no shit.

1015. They pick it up from you.

1016. Now, I go Mary gets like these terrible panic attacks.

1017. And I can't complain about it

1018. then I just admit that it's from me.

1019. - Yeah, I saw the Dog Whisperer talking

1020. and he was like.

1021. Like way more than children,

1022. like a dog studies constantly all the time.

1023. So he knows before you do if you're upset

1024. or your stomach's upset of something

1025. like they pick up.

1026. Cause all they do is fucking study you 24 hours a day.

1027. - I know and you have to seem like you're okay.

1028. And I live alone and sometimes I'll hear a scary noise

1029. and we'll both go huh.

1030. And then I see her and I go.

1031. I got to show her that everything's alright.

1032. - That's cool.

1033. That's no dog.

1034. Digger dog.

1035. I thought Mary was a cat for a second.

1036. I have a cat.

1037. - What's your cats name?

1038. - Princess Kitty MacMan.

1039. - Oh, after Ed MacMan?

1040. - No, half of it's my son Mac

1041. and then his best friend is last name is Newman.

1042. So they put them together.

1043. - You're sons name is Dylan.

1044. - Yeah, but his last name is Mac.

1045. - Oh, that's your last name.

1046. - Yeah, well his also.

1047. He inherited it from me.

1048. I don't know who put princess,

1049. I think it might have been this guy.

1050. - Has a nice ring to it.

1051. - Yeah.

1052. You had a princes phone for a while.

1053. - I mean, it was a cell phone plan.

1054. It was what came with the plan.

1055. - You ever hear that fella,

1056. a lady meets the little frog.

1057. And the frog said, "If you kiss me,

1058. I'll become a handsome prince."

1059. This is kind of a woman empowerment joke.

1060. The lady says, fuck it.

1061. I'd rather have me a talking frog.

1062. - I always, I guess the frog made me think of it.

1063. But dang it.

1064. Never mind.

1065. I don't know if this is interesting

1066. but just if we're talking about comedy.

1067. Cause we're all comedians.

1068. Comedy adjacent at least.

1069. But comedians like.

1070. Like someone asked me don't you ever get scared.

1071. Maybe you shouldn't say so much

1072. on Twitter or this or that, you know.

1073. And I go,

1074. but then I always think of comedians where like.

1075. You know that story of the scorpion and the frog?

1076. - No.

1077. - I feel like we're scorpions.

1078. Do you know that story?

1079. - Yes I do, I think so.

1080. - I don't know that story.

1081. - Well this is what it is.

1082. Okay, the scorpion goes up to the frog

1083. and is like.

1084. Hey, can you give me a ride across the river?

1085. And the frog's like, I'm not gonna do that.

1086. You're gonna sting me.

1087. And the scorpion's like, why would I sting you?

1088. If I sting you we're both gonna drown.

1089. And the frog is like, oh right.

1090. So then he carries the scorpion on his back

1091. and halfway across the river the scorpion stings him.

1092. And they both start drowning.

1093. And the frog's like why are you doing this.

1094. Now we're both gonna drown.

1095. And he was like, I'm a scorpion.

1096. I don't know.

1097. We'll be right back.

1098. - I've never heard that before.

1099. - Was it in your nature.

1100. I don't even know about your early influences.

1101. But were they stand-up or were they acting people?

1102. Cause you must have been real young, right?

1103. - Yeah, I think like Woody Allen and Albert Brooks.

1104. My mom had all these albums.

1105. - Oh my god.

1106. - She had like Allen Sherman.

1107. - Oh yeah.

1108. I had Allen Sherman.

1109. - You did?

1110. - Yeah.

1111. - When you're in love the whole world is Jewish.

1112. - But to have a-

1113. - And she had this double album Woody Allen

1114. that's in this.

1115. I imagine in my ear hole like a tiny little club.

1116. One where you hear individual laughs.

1117. And he does the, this watch.

1118. My special sentimental value.

1119. My uncle on his death bed sold me this watch.

1120. - What was the one you chose from

1121. Broadway Danny Rose.

1122. What was that one?

1123. It was something where he was in a club.

1124. - What?

1125. He was pretending to be a bad comedian in that.

1126. - Yes, what was that show?

1127. - I love when Broadway Danny Rose when he.

1128. She goes we got to get out of here.

1129. Their driving the road, right.

1130. She goes that guy shot a guy in the eye.

1131. And he goes oh my god, is he blind?

1132. She goes no he's dead.

1133. And he goes oh right.

1134. Cause it goes straight through.

1135. - That was a good like show business one.

1136. Cause I just thought of the Salmon movie

1137. and they use the same device you know.

1138. That guy's telling stories.

1139. Except it's Dr. Drew and Penn Jillette.

1140. But I'd rather it be Danny Rose.

1141. - Oh it's Joey Adams and stuff.

1142. - Yeah, who was it in Broadway Danny?

1143. - That one character actor is in a lot of fucking one.

1144. - There was a guy that played Lenny Bruce

1145. and ended up homeless here in Los Angeles.

1146. What's his name?

1147. Check it out.

1148. - Jack Klompus.

1149. - That sounds familiar.

1150. - That sounds like a made up name.

1151. Oh yeah.

1152. - That does sound like a made up name.

1153. - It's hard to make up names.

1154. I remember Downy, remember how I don't know.

1155. OCD or whatever the word is.

1156. But you know, he'd just get names.

1157. You go Henderson too backwoodsy.

1158. What, like Johnson.

1159. Who's name is really Johnson.

1160. You're like god dang, like hours.

1161. But you're trying to find the perfect name.

1162. And it's hard to figure out names.

1163. You know if you get a good name for a show.

1164. Like a person's name.

1165. To me it's very attractive.

1166. - Like?

1167. - Seinfeld?

1168. - No, cause I knew him.

1169. - I always think of the same name

1170. and it's like the most beautiful name.

1171. Ann Pomaroy.

1172. - Ohhh, that is a good one.

1173. - Oh my god.

1174. If my name is Ann Pomaroy,

1175. I would have been in moves and shit.

1176. - You are in movies.

1177. - I know but in a limited Jewish way.

1178. Do you think if Winona Ryder

1179. kept her name Winona Horawitz

1180. she would have starred in the Age of the Innocence?

1181. - No.

1182. - Hundred percent no way.

1183. - God damn.

1184. Maybe that manager should know a lot

1185. when they say change your name.

1186. - Yeah, because people are fucking racist.

1187. Even the Jews.

1188. They run Hollywood don't want to see Jews.

1189. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1190. - Well, that's about Rodney telling Sandler

1191. not to tell people he was Jewish.

1192. - Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

1193. But Sandler said though that all the

1194. young Jewish executives love, while they were speaking.

1195. You're just successful.

1196. That they loved seeing a Jewish kid

1197. who gets all the girls.

1198. - Well Adam changed the whole game in a lot of ways.

1199. - That makes sense.

1200. - Adam comes from our hometown.

1201. - That's right.

1202. - Oh, it's so crazy.

1203. I went to Largo.

1204. Planning Cullman Lassman so I stopped by.

1205. - Flannery.

1206. - Flanny, Flanagan.

1207. Mark Flanagan.

1208. So, I went on right before Adam.

1209. Adam was doing stand-up.

1210. And so I go on and then I get off

1211. and I sit in the wings and I'm watching Adam.

1212. And he, I guess cause I was just on he told stories.

1213. Cause he was the same age as my sister and all this stuff.

1214. And then he told a story about me that I've never heard.

1215. Which like at my age doesn't really happen anymore.

1216. - Do you remember the happening?

1217. - No, I didn't know anything about it.

1218. His mom was my nursery school teacher.

1219. Mrs. Sandler.

1220. And she tells this story but I had never heard it before.

1221. When I was in nursery school

1222. this little girl said a swear word.

1223. And Mrs. Sandler goes we don't talk like that here.

1224. And then I overheard it and I go those are at home words.

1225. It's funny to be middle aged and hear a story

1226. about yourself from when you're little you've never heard.

1227. It's so special.

1228. And you only get that from siblings and parents.

1229. - It's weird to me because I know Adam's mother

1230. but I don't think of her in anything

1231. in terms of Adam Sandler.

1232. - Judy.

1233. - Yeah, just Judy who once in a while is in his movies.

1234. But of course you had a job.

1235. - Yeah, she wasn't Adam's mother back then.

1236. Cause Adam was a little kid.

1237. - Adam wasn't Adam.

1238. But yeah, Adam stayed with the Jewish thing.

1239. - I think he broke down insane barriers.

1240. - Yeah, The Hanukkah Song.

1241. - Huge.

1242. - All that shit.

1243. All that shit.

1244. - I remember when he was writing The Hanukkah Song

1245. and everybody was.

1246. You didn't have the internet back then.

1247. So we'd have to go is this guy Jewish?

1248. So we'd have to run to the library

1249. and it wouldn't just start that he's Jewish.

1250. - Research department.

1251. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1252. - Microfiche.

1253. - I was sitting in the library

1254. like it was open late at night.

1255. - Harrison Ford is a quarter Jewish.

1256. - Especially with these Harvard writers.

1257. Everything has to be precise.

1258. - That must have been so disappointing.

1259. Someone running back and you find out they're not Jewish

1260. and you have the perfect line about them.

1261. Or not.

1262. I don't know.

1263. - That never happened.

1264. - Okay, well.

1265. - Now Sandler came up with all the funny ones.

1266. - Not too jabby.

1267. - Yeah.

1268. - Who wrote that Sarah Silverman program.

1269. Was it a lot of different people?

1270. Did you write most of it or it was Brian?

1271. - It was like five of us.

1272. - Okay.

1273. - Brian wrote an episode.

1274. He wrote the last episode of the whole series.

1275. - Is that the Tab one?

1276. Oh no, that was.

1277. - No.

1278. - I love that.

1279. - Let's see it was, well.

1280. Dan Harmon before he was fired by me.

1281. - Got it.

1282. - So brilliant.

1283. - Yeah, he's brilliant.

1284. - Yeah, he describes it best.

1285. In hindsight I think he said that I said.

1286. There's only room for one bat shit crazy person

1287. and it has to be me.

1288. But he's so amazing.

1289. And then Rob Schrab really is the whole look of it

1290. and the feel of it.

1291. And Dan Sterling, Chris Romano.

1292. - What do you mean by that?

1293. He was the set decorator?

1294. - No, he directed almost every episode.

1295. And also he just has such a specific look.

1296. It just looked cartoony kind of like.

1297. - Yeah, when you took too much cough syrup

1298. and all that shit.

1299. - Yeah, like all the animatics.

1300. - Pee Wee's Playhouse kind of.

1301. - Mr. Show had some of those scenes too.

1302. - A lot of Mr. Show people do.

1303. - Yeah, that's true.

1304. Jay and Brian, yeah.

1305. - And Harris Wittels.

1306. It was his first job,

1307. he was an intern at Comedy Central.

1308. - That's so cool.

1309. - And he was, it was incredible.

1310. - Harris Wittels invented humblebrags, right?

1311. - Yeah, I don't think that's what he wanted to be known for.

1312. - Oh really.

1313. - I think he will be.

1314. - I think that would be pretty cool.

1315. - He's so brilliant.

1316. He came up with the best lines.

1317. We had this bit and we didn't know where to put it

1318. until we then we just had it, you know.

1319. You know how you just put stuff in like a.

1320. - Crowbar it in.

1321. - Yeah, and so there's an episode

1322. where I wake up and I'm like nine months pregnant.

1323. So I go to my abortionist, Ron Lynch.

1324. And he's like, I can't give you an abortion.

1325. You're like eight and a half months pregnant.

1326. And I'm like, I write something down.

1327. Slide it to him.

1328. And he looks at it and it just says please.

1329. That was Harris.

1330. And then a Jay Johnston line.

1331. His friend dies and he's just sobbing beside himself.

1332. And my sister goes, he died doing what he loved.

1333. And Jay goes, he loved dying?

1334. It's called laughter Mary.

1335. - I don't know why I just keep rewinding a scene

1336. when it first came out.

1337. Was when you pulled up next to him

1338. and like hey, same car.

1339. - Same car.

1340. - So stupid.

1341. - And Justin is really happy, would have been amazing.

1342. - How was there a process with the writers there?

1343. Were you there all the time?

1344. - Yeah, always.

1345. - Did you take anything from SNL onto.

1346. - Like stuff I learned?

1347. - Just that you know, guys.

1348. If you wrote a sketch you were sort of in charge of it.

1349. It was a writer.

1350. - Well it's a narrative show.

1351. So we would just all be in the room.

1352. - Many Hollywood shows get a complete schism

1353. between the performers them.

1354. - No, right.

1355. If it's somebodies script, I mean we all wrote it together.

1356. We all wrote the outline together

1357. and then once we had the details outlined.

1358. Then whoever was assigned it.

1359. Usually the person who's idea it was.

1360. Or the main idea was or someone who really wants it.

1361. They'll go off and write it.

1362. And they'd be on set.

1363. We didn't do any overlap

1364. because I had to be in the.

1365. I wanted to be in the writers room the whole time

1366. and then we'd start shooting when all the scripts were done.

1367. So there was, it wasn't like there was overlap.

1368. So all the writers can be on the set if they wanted to be.

1369. Or if they didn't want to be they don't have to be.

1370. But you know.

1371. - Wait, are you saying you shot the show in sequence?

1372. After all the scripts were done?

1373. - Well, for the season we wrote all of them

1374. and then we shot them.

1375. And then because I didn't know any better.

1376. I insisted that we shot two weeks on, one week off.

1377. Two weeks on, one week off.

1378. And Comedy Central let us do it.

1379. - Oh wow.

1380. - But I only have so many vital hours in a day.

1381. And I also don't have stamina.

1382. I don't have the stamina of the average person.

1383. And that's that.

1384. There's nothing I can do about it.

1385. - Show runners have a lot of stamina.

1386. - Well great.

1387. But if I'm in fucking, in most of the show.

1388. I need to rest.

1389. - Yeah.

1390. - Cause I was just gonna suggest

1391. that you take it right over to Netflix with it.

1392. Cause a lot of people want to keep seeing

1393. the rest of the shows.

1394. - Oh, that's so nice.

1395. I feel like it's pretty forgotten.

1396. - They buy the old ones.

1397. You were at a bad time, don't you think at Comedy Central?

1398. Like you were great before they gave shows.

1399. - Well, the head of Comedy Central

1400. was not a fan of comedy anyway.

1401. And that was a bit hard.

1402. But it was pretty great.

1403. We got to make this show exactly what we wanted to do.

1404. But it's yeah.

1405. And then the writers strike happened in the middle of it.

1406. - Oh did it?

1407. - Yeah.

1408. - That's not a bad idea.

1409. I know so many people who'd love to see it.

1410. - Well we're pitching.

1411. I'm pitching to produce a show for Steve and Brian,

1412. a spinoff show.

1413. - I don't know Steve.

1414. - Steve AJ.

1415. - Oh Steve.

1416. Steve and Brian.

1417. I thought you said Stephen Bryan.

1418. - No, Steve and Brian.

1419. I mean Comedy Central is.

1420. - Why do you look so angry?

1421. - Involved.

1422. But it would be basically about them.

1423. - Did I get angry?

1424. - Why are you so pissed off?

1425. - I'm sorry, I apologize.

1426. Yeah, they're so god damn good together.

1427. Oh that spin, there are so many funny scenes with those two.

1428. - Aww, but there's so much great stuff on.

1429. I know, so fucking funny.

1430. - That makes me feel so nice.

1431. - Sarah, when you talk about aging and Hollywood

1432. as a woman you know.

1433. - Mmm hmmm.

1434. - Which is a tough thing.

1435. - I've have this, usually this finger painted for it.

1436. Aging women in Hollywood.

1437. - Raising awareness.

1438. - I don't mean to make fun of it because I love that.

1439. - There was a thing for it.

1440. I don't know if it's still going on.

1441. But in Palm Springs it's called Palm Springs Folleys.

1442. It's all old people you know.

1443. And they have dancers from the 40's and 30's.

1444. And this guy ripped is the MC

1445. and he does all corny jokes.

1446. And then there's these two old 90 year olds.

1447. And then they have a special guest every week.

1448. So I took my mother

1449. and the special guest was Gloria Tahaven.

1450. I don't know, but she knew her.

1451. She's like I can't wait to see her.

1452. So a big screen comes down

1453. and shows Gloria Tahaven.

1454. The most beautiful woman you've ever seen in your life.

1455. Gorgeous long blond hair and just like translucent skin.

1456. Just gorgeous white doe-eyed.

1457. And they go here she is in real life.

1458. Boxy lady, looks exactly like my mother sitting beside me.

1459. I'm like god damn that's cruel.

1460. But you know, I find a lot of ladies have to even out.

1461. To look the same at a certain age.

1462. - I always wondered what comes first.

1463. The short frosted tips or the no sexuality.

1464. I'm trying embrace it.

1465. I live in a building that's all woman

1466. with crazy filler faces.

1467. Like this.

1468. And I go they must look in the mirror

1469. and be like I look like I'm 20.

1470. - That's terrifying.

1471. It's so much better to age gracefully.

1472. - Yeah exactly.

1473. - That's all right.

1474. - You go to have other qualities.

1475. - Yeah.

1476. - You know, that's what I was thinking about Bill Murray.

1477. Here he is.

1478. He doesn't have any work done.

1479. So then everyone else did

1480. so by default he becomes authentic looking.

1481. - He's the only one who can play his age.

1482. - Exactly.

1483. I remember Jackie Gleason got

1484. at the end of his life work done.

1485. - He did.

1486. - You're Jackie Gleason, what are you nuts.

1487. You're like a leading man, it doesn't make any sense.

1488. You'd think he would like extra wrinkles to work with.

1489. - God, men are.

1490. Men are, a lot of times, they age so nice.

1491. - Yes, they're lucky.

1492. - Yeah, men and women can age nicely.

1493. We just need to change the perception of it.

1494. They're some sort of failure

1495. on their part by not dying.

1496. - Can you change perception?

1497. Like one time I heard this magazine

1498. and it said.

1499. Elle or some ladies magazine.

1500. Big breast are out.

1501. Can you really do that?

1502. You know what I mean.

1503. - What if you're, you can't help.

1504. - Yeah.

1505. - You know I like them this season.

1506. - Like oh, get rid of them.

1507. - That's crazy.

1508. - So 1996, those huge juicy tits.

1509. - Yeah.

1510. Everybody hates those big heavy juicy tits.

1511. Gross.

1512. - Here kitty.

1513. - There was a girl that used to hang around us you know.

1514. So she'd be standing like this far from you

1515. and her breast would be touching your shoulder.

1516. You know what I mean?

1517. Like it was insane.

1518. - It's not her fault.

1519. - No of course not.

1520. - It's her human body.

1521. It's like saying god Norm, he stands near me.

1522. His cock is nowhere near me.

1523. Can you believe this guy.

1524. Sorry.

1525. - That's good.

1526. - Then we break up.

1527. - Yeah I'd be bad if.

1528. But she makes nice hand bags now

1529. and she's a nice lady.

1530. That dairy incident.

1531. Remember when you used to be at Regis.

1532. - When you used to be?

1533. - No, when he.

1534. Dana did a Regis Philbin.

1535. - Yeah.

1536. - I think Smago gave him this idea.

1537. But the idea was after he'd say something.

1538. Cause it was for a morning audience.

1539. Had that morning show Regis.

1540. You have to apologize so they'd know it wasn't serious.

1541. So I go anyways, Bernadette Peters

1542. is gonna be with us in a while.

1543. Anyway, I show up for work.

1544. Everyday I have a doughnut with sprinkles on it.

1545. Today I walk in I'm told Bernadette Peters

1546. ate my two doughnuts with the sprinkles on them.

1547. Anyway she's a fine lady and she'll be with us.

1548. Had to go and apologize.

1549. Stepping back.

1550. - Well we got to go to a break.

1551. - Okay, let's go to a break.

1552. - We'll be right back.